From Self-Sabotage To Full Self-Expression: Lesson 3 (Overcoming Overwhelm)

This is the third lecture in a series of 7 focused on helping you overcome self-sabotage so you can step into full self-expression (converted from a week-long coaching video course I led on the subject). This lesson looks at how to overcome the experience of feeling constantly overwhelmed. (PS. Be sure to listen to this series in order for best results!)

Transcript

Hello,

Hello!

Welcome back to day three on our journey to overcoming self-sabotage together.

Today we are going to talk about a topic that I think we as successful women are all too familiar with in this world where multitasking is,

You know,

The norm and 10xing every quarter is expected.

And that topic is overwhelm.

When I think of overwhelm,

I think of that meme of that dog man sitting in a burning house.

There's flames all around him and he's got a little coffee cup and his speech bubble says,

This is fine,

When it's clearly not.

But you know the feeling.

What successful woman today doesn't know the feeling of overwhelm.

The feeling of having too much to do and not enough time to do it.

Between work,

Kids,

Relationships,

Social obligations,

Friends,

And not to mention actual hobbies and interests that she has.

I lived in overwhelm in my last couple years at Google when I was working on the YouTube ads marketing team as a thought leadership writer.

Because the job came with a lot of demands,

It came with a lot of travel,

And with really hard deadlines.

I also always felt like I was working on 10 things at once because I was.

And I have to admit,

A lot of that was on me.

So let me just take responsibility,

Refer back to video one for that.

I was ambitious as hell and I was not good at saying no.

And I had a history of taking on other people's expectations as my own.

So that's how I got myself into overwhelm and it was horrible.

It led to a bit of an existential crisis and in addition to that I would wake up with a sore jaw from grinding my teeth at night.

I had a bunch of skin problems that came up.

I was constantly irritable and became very aggressive,

Which is not very great.

I would get an email that something and it would piss me off and I would just explode.

And I was always exhausted,

Which sucks.

It's hard to feel good when you're exhausted all the time.

And to me it really just felt like I was holding on,

Hanging on to my life by a string.

Sometimes overwhelm,

Another way that people describe it and it can feel is like,

Somehow you got on this crazy ride and there's no way to get off of it.

There's this sense of losing control and just needing to get through somehow,

Through the tunnel to the light at the end to get onto the other side so that you can breathe again.

So that's overwhelm.

We all know it.

We don't love it.

It's a form of self-sabotage because it leaves us at the effect of our lives instead of actually actively living them.

We're so exhausted that we can't make smart decisions from overwhelm and it's impossible from overwhelm to inspire ourselves or to others.

So it's not really a good place to lead from.

It just doesn't work.

And because of that our survival mechanisms or our conditioning end up running the show.

And often what that looks like is we just make a big mess.

We are a hot mess.

And or we completely freeze and like can't take any action at all.

So from there all the things that have piled onto us like a you know a juggler on a unicycle,

They just inevitably fall and crash and burn including ourselves and we burn out.

So how can we stop sabotaging ourselves through overwhelm?

This is the good part of the video,

Right?

I think the best way to start is to give up the idea that we need to have everything under control before we take action.

You know?

So people will say,

Well once these circumstances change then I'll do xyz.

Then I will be able to be the person I want to be.

To be more loving,

Be more kind,

To really show up in my relationship.

To finally follow through on that dream.

But I hate to break it to you.

You can't just like ride out the overwhelm,

You know?

Because overwhelm is a pattern and it's going to follow you unless you actually address the mindset and the behaviors that come with it.

So how does one do that?

Well for current overwhelm,

Number one,

Check yourself to see if you are basing your value on your doing.

So when we have that story there,

That's what makes it so painful because we're actually basing our worth on getting xyz accomplished.

So just remind yourself that you're a human being and not a human doing.

Your worth does not lie in your accomplishments.

Your worth is inherent.

It can never be tainted or diminished.

So remind yourself of that and better yet if you have someone you love in your life that can help remind you of your worth and how you are inherently awesome,

Call them up and ask them to remind you.

Number two,

Go ahead and take out a piece of paper when you're in the middle of overwhelm and write down all the things that you have to do.

So just take stock and then from there out of everything on that list ask yourself,

You can even make little columns for this,

What can I stop?

What can I postpone?

And what can I remove entirely?

What can I add to make this easier?

And who can help?

My manager and I sat down and did this together one day back when I was in the corporate world and it was really really helpful and it was just so helpful to have her support with it too to actually have her support me giving up or postponing certain things for a little bit because if it was just me alone in my pride,

I would have never found that acceptable.

I would have never asked and I just would have been a martyr forever.

So that actually brings me to the next one,

Number three,

Enlist support.

We are not in this life alone and so often we have people available to us who would be more than happy to help us if we would just get over our pride and ask.

So next time you find yourself feeling overwhelmed,

Reach out to those around you and see who can help with what.

Even a little bit could go a long way and you might be surprised at what the universe gives back to you when you just ask.

Here's one more to take on when you're feeling completely stuck especially and you just want to be in action again.

So often when we're overwhelmed we don't feel good,

We just feel really bad actually.

So you might start with actually doing something that is really fun and makes you feel good even though it's going to take some time,

It's going to be worth it.

And after you do that thing then sit down,

Give yourself a 20 minute time limit maybe to start or 15 minutes and just work on one thing.

And after that timer goes off,

Maybe a little dance party for a couple minutes,

Get back to it.

And as soon as you are able to accomplish even just one thing,

You'll be able to,

Like that will give you some fuel to keep going.

That sense of accomplishment will help you see,

Okay I can chip away at this,

Like I am moving forward.

So that's how you get yourself into action.

So those are four ways to get yourself out of current overwhelm.

Here are two more things you can take on to prevent future overwhelm but they also help with current overwhelm.

Add a regular well-being routine.

It's critical to create a counterbalance for all the stress,

The busyness,

And the mental chatter that comes with overwhelm.

Because otherwise you might just drown in it for good.

And I don't know about you but when I'm in overwhelm I just go like way up in my head and you know one of the things that people tend to cross off first is like their well-being activities but that actually makes it worse,

Especially over the long term.

So anchor yourself in grounding rituals like meditation,

Like yoga,

Like yoga-needra if you're not sure what that is,

Look it up on YouTube,

It's like so amazing.

And breath work is really powerful too because it can be really grounding and just bring you back into yourself.

And not only will creating a well-being routine increase your capacity and your stamina to be able to take on more in the future without getting so overwhelmed,

But it's also going to strengthen your intuition so that you will be better able in the moment to make clear decisions about what you can commit to or not.

Which brings me to one more thing for those of you who struggle with overwhelm,

Which is all of us.

Let's be real.

And that is the practice of strengthening your no muscles.

What does that look like?

Give yourself a certain amount of time,

Let's say two weeks.

For the next two weeks,

Practice saying no when you mean no.

When you're not energetically available or otherwise available for something,

Just say no.

You don't even have to have a good excuse,

Just say no.

And if you really struggle with saying no,

You might even practice living by the mantra for a while of if it's not a hell yes,

Then it's a no.

And so when you get that request,

Hey,

Can you take on XYZ report or hey,

You want to come out with us for blah blah blah weekend,

Tap in.

And if you don't feel hell yes,

Then say no.

It's gonna be hard at first if you struggle with this.

You just got to trust yourself that it's worth the personal power that you'll reclaim for yourself through it.

So that's it.

Thanks again for joining today.

I look forward to seeing you tomorrow for day four,

Video number four.

And again,

If you have any feedback or questions,

You can just reply directly to this email.

I would love to hear from you.

Thanks again.

Reviews

This was simple and great!

Love the "if it's not a he'll yes, then it's a NO!". Great talk. Thank you 🤗

Excellent! Thanks so very much!!!!

Some great ideas here for conquering overwhelm which in going to fry. Thank you.