From Self-Sabotage To Full Self-Expression: Lesson 2 (Overcoming Distraction)

This is the second lecture in a series of 7 focused on helping you overcome self-sabotage so you can step into full self-expression (converted from a week-long coaching video course I led on the subject). This lesson looks at how to stop getting caught up in the saboteurs of distraction and numbing. (PS. Be sure to listen to this series in order for best results!)

Transcript

Hello beauty,

Welcome back.

Welcome to day two on our journey from self-sabotage to full self-expression.

Today we are going to look at my favorite type of self-sabotage,

Distraction,

And how to stop engaging in it.

Distraction is my favorite type of self-sabotage because I think distraction affects everyone with an ego,

Which is literally everyone.

And because it can be incredibly sneaky.

We don't always recognize we've been under the influence of distraction until it's often too late.

And it can steal hours,

Days,

Even years of our lives at a time.

So,

What do I mean by distraction as a form of self-sabotage?

I mean letting yourself divert your energy away from your goals and the way that you want to live your life to shiny objects that are not in alignment with your goals and intentions.

And I'm not talking about little baby distractions like you're working at a coffee shop and you get distracted by a cute puppy or a cute guy or girl.

I'm talking about big scale shiny objects.

Distraction so big that they seem to possess you.

Here's a personal example.

What I am most interested in life is liberation from mind created suffering and awakening to the true nature of existence.

In other words,

Spiritual realization for myself,

For those I love,

And for all beings.

But when I was at Google,

I got completely sucked into the game of ladder climbing and promotion chasing.

Of course,

There's nothing wrong with wanting to get promoted and move up the chain,

But I got obsessive about it.

And I served it as my highest intention in life when for me it really wasn't.

And I all forgot about,

I all but forgot about what really matters most to me.

And I would give my spiritual practice only my residual energy at the end of the day instead of keeping it top of mind throughout the day and making decisions from that place like I truly wanted to deep down.

I got distracted.

Someone else might want true love,

But keeps getting distracted by the excitement and the drama of the type of relationships that are bound to crash and burn.

This is the kind of distraction I'm talking about.

Distraction is a form of self-sabotage because it puts us in our own way by causing us to lose ourselves and scatter or leak our energy.

Energy that we could be flowing towards what it is that we really want and that matters most to us.

And over time,

The more that we allow ourselves to get caught up in distraction,

The more we start to resent ourselves,

Even loathe ourselves.

Not just because we aren't creating what we want,

But because of the fact that our intentions,

Our words,

And our actions aren't in alignment with each other.

And living in this kind of internal dissonance or division is not a satisfying way to live.

In fact,

It is downright painful.

Sometimes our distractions are actually numbing agents too.

And there's a difference.

So,

You know,

With like a regular distraction,

We may be moving towards some kind of egoic desire.

Numbing,

On the other hand,

Is about running away from something.

Ourselves.

To avoid ourselves,

We turn to all kinds of things,

Social media,

Food,

Alcohol,

Weed,

And even overworking and over socializing.

Those can be numbing agents.

We find comfort in these things.

The comfort of not having to be alone with ourselves.

But the more we numb,

The more we experience lethargy and despair.

Talk about self-sabotage.

So,

What can you do to avoid getting so caught up in distraction and numbing?

Well,

On a rather practical level,

You can start with a media cleanse.

For a certain amount of time,

I'd recommend at least 40 days to start.

I know that sounds like a lot,

But I did it for six months,

For two years in a row.

So for at least 40 days,

Cut out TV,

News,

Social media,

And if you're really hardcore,

Maybe even music.

And I mean completely.

Or as completely as you can,

Aside from the amount of media that you need to engage with for work.

You will be absolutely amazed at how much time and energy this can free up.

And about how much you can learn about yourself and how much you can produce when you're on a media cleanse.

And if you're like me,

You might actually choose not to come back to certain media at all.

Like,

I don't miss the news one bit,

To tell you the truth.

Okay,

So start with a media cleanse.

And from there,

You can Marie Kondo your activities.

Ask yourself outside of media,

Where am I spending most of my time?

Where am I spending all my time,

Really?

And how does that align with what matters most in your life?

Take a good look at that and then take and make some ruthless cuts if you see any to make.

Now on a more advanced level,

And this really isn't for everyone,

You can contemplate your own death.

What does this mean?

Basically,

This is about remembering that it's inevitable that you will die.

And really it could happen at any time.

So it's a meditation.

Feel into that.

Sit with that.

And notice,

With that top of mind,

How does that change the pull your distractions have over you?

This is a really powerful practice and I cannot recommend it enough,

But again,

It's not for everyone.

You really have to be ready for it.

So,

Those are three ways to antidote big distractions.

Now here are a few antidotes specifically for numbing.

One,

Get in touch with your longing.

Go on a retreat or a weekend away alone with the intention of really getting clear,

Getting in touch with what it is that you want in life most.

And let yourself really feel into it all.

You can envision it out.

Remember why you're here.

That is number one.

That's most important.

Here are a few more ways that you can de-thaw or un-numb yourself so that you can really come alive.

Spend more time in nature.

And ideally,

This would be at least mostly without talking and without tech.

Also,

Spend more time creating,

Whether through art or writing or whatever your medium is.

Dig up whatever it is that you have not let yourself fully feel,

Whether from the past or in the moment,

And channel that into creation.

And finally,

Practice,

Well not finally,

I got one more after this,

But almost finally,

Practice moving your body in a way that makes you feel alive.

This can be through activities like dancing,

Yoga,

And running,

Of course,

But it does not have to stop there.

This can really be an all-day thing.

So,

You know,

When you're walking to get lunch,

Think about how you carry your body.

And the invitation is to move it in a way that makes you feel alive.

Okay,

Now finally,

This is one I'm really passionate about,

You can bring your dream life online.

So our dreams have so much to tell us if we'd only pay attention to them.

Our nightly visits to the dream realm connect us to ourselves and to our inner psychological realities,

As well as to some of the deeper mysteries of consciousness itself.

So,

How can you turn up your dream life or bring it online?

Really,

It's just as simple as starting with a dream journal and creating a daily practice of even just for a couple minutes,

Writing down in the morning your dreams from the night before.

Even if you currently have a hard time remembering your dreams,

This simple practice is a really powerful place to start.

So even if you just remember like a person from your dream or a setting or a feeling,

That's enough,

Write that down.

And over time,

The more you write down your dreams,

It really takes only a few days for this to start working,

You're going to actually be able to remember your dreams more and more,

And your dreams will become more and more vivid,

So that you can begin to learn from them and tap into their creative power in your day to day life.

Before long,

You might also unlock a new dimension of living with the practice of conscious or lucid dreaming,

Which is basically becoming awake in your dreams just as you're focused on becoming awake in your wakefulness.

So that's it for today.

I hope that you enjoyed video number two.

Join me tomorrow for day three on our seven day journey from self-sabotage to a life lived in full self-expression.

And again,

If you have any feedback for me,

If you want to get in touch with me for anything,

You can reply to these emails or email me at hello at rubyray.

Co.

Thanks and see you tomorrow.

Reviews

Great advice. Thank you

Good

Inspiring. Thought provoking. Good for meditation.

Interesting. Good timing.

Thank you for this

Looks like I have to go searching for your full course. Love your work🙏

Excellent. Wish I had you to talk to decades ago!

Thanks so very much!!!

Excellent. Thank you🙏💜