Breathwork And Meditation

Transformational journey within. Goal of the program. To create safe container for inner work, accountability & growth. I support & empower women through the challenges of life, heartbreaks & betrayal to feel worthy, desired, powerful & inspired to live an extraordinary life

For groups and individuals, designed to promote
Self acceptance - self realisation - self healing & self love

Transformation at your fingertips
Based on 3 main aspects of tantra

Movement
Breath
Stillness

Transcript

Hey guys,

Welcome back to I Am Love.

I'm so excited to introduce to you a journey to co-commitments.

This book which called Conscious Loving the Journey to Co-Commitments by Gay and Kathleen Hendricks completely changed my perception of relationship and created a new model to Thrive Towards which is the model of conscious relationship.

It is a way to be together without giving yourself up.

I highly recommend you to get your audio copy or even better to have a hard copy in your library because for me it really is a Bible.

So you can see some slides I have created for you and basically we start with the essentials of co-commitments.

So I'm going to go ahead and go through those co-commitments with you together and then going to dive deeper into each and every one.

So find a comfortable position or if you're walking and listening to this podcast just allow my words to be like a waterfall and wherever it is you are like a sponge.

You keep it and whatever doesn't just let it go.

Alright,

So let's start.

Commitment number one.

I commit myself to being close.

What does that mean?

It means experience and awful closeness to my partner and others and I commit myself to clearing up anything in the way of my ability to do so.

Very powerful.

Commitment number two.

I commit myself to my own complete development as an individual.

I love that one.

Commitment number three.

I commit to revealing myself fully in my relationships not to concealing myself.

Wow,

That is a powerhouse right here.

This is definitely one of my favorite and one of my commitments.

Commitment number four.

I commit myself to the full empowerment of people around me.

Also so deeply transformative and fulfilling this commitment.

Commitment number five.

I commit to acting from the awareness that I am 100% the source of my reality.

Boom,

That is the one which I find the most difficult for me.

I have a little sensation and resistance in my body which indicates that that is the commitment I really have to embody and consciously choose.

Number six.

I commit myself to having a good time in my close relationship.

So those six commitments.

As I read them out to you,

The way we choose this commitment is the way we perceive one of them is the most challenging one.

It is the one which we don't have.

For example,

Here we have commitment number four which says I commit myself to full empowerment of people around me.

For example,

For me,

I already do it.

I empower people around me.

I do it naturally for many years and it is my life purpose.

This is what I do.

This commitment doesn't really resonate because I am already there.

But the one is number five.

I commit to acting from the awareness that I am 100% the source of my reality.

Wow,

That I find tough because sometimes shit happens and it is so hard to take full responsibility for that seemingly external event.

It is so easy to go into the victimhood and be like,

Oh my god,

I can't believe this is happening to me.

So yeah,

The number five is the challenging one for me so I am going to definitely choose this one.

And I am going to choose number two,

Sorry,

Number three where I commit to revealing myself fully in my relationship and not to conceal myself.

For me,

I don't know guys if you are familiar with attachment styles.

This is another game changer which I will definitely introduce to you in the duration of the course.

But basically,

I am out of the three types and avoidant type.

And what does that mean?

Avoidant type,

Want intimacy but doesn't want to be heard and quite an independent style.

So it is easy not to reveal myself fully plus my conditioning from my background where I was born and how I was raised.

My mom always telling me,

You don't need to say everything.

You don't need to tell them.

They don't need to know.

That is how I have been brought up.

So revealing myself fully is a task I want to make my practice because I believe in vulnerability.

So yeah,

That is going to be my commitment,

Three and five.

So I really invite you to contemplate what is alive for you and I will dive slightly deeper into these commitments one by one just to help you integrate and process and to choose.

So going back to commitment number one.

I commit myself to being close,

To offer closeness and to clear up anything in the way of my ability to do so.

Most of us sort of want to be close,

Want to be intimate.

In theory we do but we have so many negative associations with it that closeness slash intimacy becomes a cloudy issue.

This commitment takes the clouds away and establishes firmly that you want to be close to your partner and to other human beings.

You make a commitment to be willing to work out any of your unconscious glitches,

Anything which stands on its own way to deep intimacy.

Alright,

Commitment number two.

I commit myself to my own development as an individual.

Beautiful one.

Many people,

Many of us are conditioned to think that they have to limit themselves in order to be in relationships.

Let me repeat this again.

Many of us are conditioned to think that we have to limit ourselves in order to be in the relationships.

In this commitment number two we are taking a stand for our own evolution.

You are saying yes to both closeness and your individuality.

You are committing yourself to being 100% you and 100% in relationship with others.

Alright,

Let's take a breath.

Commitment number three.

I commit to reveal myself fully in my relationships and not to conceal myself.

As we know,

The act of withholding any aspect of ourselves is fatal to a committed relationship.

Only by making a conscious decision to reveal all of ourselves can really be attained in commitments,

In co-commitments.

Often the wounds we have suffered in the past relationship gives us a strong commitment to hide in.

We swallow our feelings and needs and do not tell the truth about ourselves to others.

The only way to deepen the relationship and go forward is through becoming transparent.

The more you try to hide,

The more uncomfortable the energy between all parties gets.

Okay,

Receiving this.

Commitment number four.

I commit myself to the full empowerment of people around me.

A great one.

Codependence thrives on supporting people in being ineffective and helpless.

When you are codependent,

You have a secret investment in people being less than they are so that you will be able also to get away with being less than you are.

In co-commitment,

You are taking a stand for supporting people in being everything they are.

You are choosing empowerment.

You are supporting people in opening up to their full ability.

You are not forcing them or enabling them to make them more powerful.

No.

You are simply supporting them to make the full use of their capacity of who they are already.

Very beautiful.

Commitment number five.

Yeah,

My absolute favorite.

I commit to acting from the awareness that I am 100% the source of my reality.

Boom.

That is the tough pill to swallow,

Isn't it?

If we're carrying extra weight,

We cannot blame food.

We cannot blame country.

We cannot blame circumstances.

Yeah,

It's a tough one.

I am feeling you here and yeah,

I'm working on that one for a while now.

Basically,

Unconscious loving thrives on victimhood.

Codependent feeds on projection.

Codependent is a battle between two people to establish who is the bigger victim.

Victimhood is not possible when we are taking 100% responsibility for what happens to us in our life.

A healthier relationship becomes possible only when both people are willing to base their action on the knowledge that they are the source of their reality.

Powerful,

Isn't it?

Commitment number six.

I commit myself to having a good time in my close relationship.

For millions of years,

Relationships were very much about survival.

Taking a conscious stand for enjoyment is very important.

Many of us have strong belief that relationship have to be painful and difficult.

Committing ourselves to enjoyment in the relationship can be one of the most liberating moves you can make towards the conflict-free relationships.

Great.

So,

Contemplate on what commitment is most alive,

The one which feels the most challenging,

The one which feels you're not there yet,

Or maybe halfway through,

Not fully.

And I invite you to write those commitments in your journals.

And whenever you choose those commitments,

I also invite them to announce them in our group so that you're witness in choosing the stand towards co-committed relationship,

Conscious relationship with yourself and others,

And that create an accountability.

Okay,

Moving into next slide.

Fundamental requirements.

There are three fundamental requirements to co-committed relationship.

After we choose our co-commitments,

How actually we can assure that we succeed.

There are three ways to help us.

First one,

Feel all your feelings.

Feels like tough,

Especially when we've been suppressing our feelings for lifetimes,

And we've been associating our feelings with pain,

Perhaps,

Or maybe our feelings been judged,

And so we hide them deep down.

And here we've been asked to feel all of them.

A great deal of energy in close relationships is wasted due to one or more persons trying to keep feelings hidden.

Our feelings are central to our life.

They are this raw energy that drives and motivates our existence.

And when we cut ourself off from them,

We suffer a slow but silent erosion of our spirit.

Boom,

That's a big one.

As children,

We are often talked out of our feelings.

And instead of giving full permission to feel them,

We've been sometimes punished.

So we associate it,

Perhaps unconsciously,

That feelings equal pain.

Many of us find a refuge in certainty of our beliefs,

In our mind,

In our thoughts,

Rather than in ever-changing flow of our feelings.

Humans have a rich variety of deep feelings.

Just like colors,

There are primary feelings such as fear,

Anger,

Sadness,

And joy.

Opening up to our feelings is a lifetime process.

Fundamental requirement to co-committed relationship number two is tell the microscopic truth.

As you guys probably aware by now,

A lot of suffering and distortion in relationship created through not telling the truth.

What does it mean,

Microscopic truth?

It's when we speak the truth from our internal experience as we are perceiving it.

Speaking from here and now,

Speaking from the place of our emotions,

Sensations in the body,

Speaking,

Expressing it as it is true for us in this moment without the fear of being judged.

For example,

When your partner tells you that he's going away for weekend,

You can tell him that when he said that,

You felt the constriction in your chest and your mind get flooded with the thoughts like,

Wow,

He might be abandoning me,

I'm going to be left all by myself.

And yes,

It is a very vulnerable process to be able to speak microscopic truths,

Because we allow ourselves to be fully revealed in that moment.

We're reporting the raw data as it's streamed through our body and through our mind.

There are two reasons why humans,

Human beings do not tell the truth.

First one,

Many of us withholding the truth because they do not want to make other people feel bad.

I don't want to tell my partner that I cheated on him because that's just going to upset him.

But when we dig deeper into this statement,

Actually behind it,

We find out that most likely you are not telling the truth because you fear the consequences of your partner's reaction.

You're most likely protecting yourself from his or her sadness,

Anger,

Perhaps even revenge.

There is a number two why we're not telling the truth.

Because actually in our life,

Very seldomly,

We witness people who are truthful.

The truth is not often being spoken and therefore we don't really have a model,

A role model to rely upon it,

To be inspired by it.

So learning to perceive the truth within ourselves and to speak it clearly to others is a delicate skill.

It is a complex one,

But so beautiful when we're able to embody that.

An invitation here in this fundamental requirement to bring the attention to those issues that seems not worthy of being talked about.

The act of telling the microscopic truth about something seemingly trivial liberates the energy to uncover what is really going on on a deeper level.

So watch out for those trivial things which on the first sight doesn't really mean anything.

You know,

Like I've seen my ex but nothing happened so I'm not going to tell my partner.

Those things.

Alright,

And the last and final fundamental requirement for co-committed conscious loving relationship with yourself and others.

Keep your agreements.

It is a major factor to co-committed relationship.

Broken agreements are the breeding grounds for codependency.

In codependency people make unconscious agreement and becoming loyal to them.

But here we make a conscious agreement and trying not to break them.

Your aliveness is decreased when you do not keep your agreements.

Your mind stores agreement you have made and records every time you have kept or not kept them.

When you do not keep your agreement you need to acknowledge the failure and talk about it.

Taking full responsibility.

Another major reason we do not keep our agreements is that in act of making,

Keeping agreements sometimes we get tangled up with underlining anger towards the authority.

What does that mean?

I'll give you an example.

Well,

It's okay for me to call long distance call to my friends at the company expense because my boss is a jerk anyway.

Co-commitment is possible when two people deal with their sense of responsibility and integrity.

Being alive to the full range of your feelings,

Speaking the truth at the deepest level of which you are capable and learning to keep the agreements.

This is when the real intimacy is able to unfold.

In co-committed relationship they are composed of tiny moments of choice,

Choosing to tell the truth,

Noticing that you are projecting and finding the courage to take full responsibility,

Choosing to feel rather than to go numb,

Choosing to communicate about broken agreement.

Once your nervous system learns to stay at a higher level of aliveness it does not need to numb itself by lying,

Breaking agreements and hiding of your feelings.

The creativity starts to flow.

Beautiful isn't it?

So the last slide I would like to speak into is the relationship traps.

The relationship trap number one is letting people get away with killing themselves through maintaining unhealthy behavior and patterns.

What does that mean?

Imagine your partner is being binge eating for years,

Overweight and you pretend that it's okay while deep down your anger and resentment start building up and building up and one day you just explore like a tornado.

So what has happened?

All this time you were holding your truth,

You were letting people get away with killing themselves.

Number two,

Seeking friends who support our self-destructions.

For example,

Your friend have an alcohol problem and end up in a hospital and calling you and asking you to bring a bottle of vodka to him.

As the real friend you have a choice,

Either support him in self-destruction or take a step away from here and saying sorry I am not going to be part of that,

Witnessing you killing yourself.

That's not a real friendship,

Love or support to me.

Another relationship common trap is the parent trap and it's kind of expressed in two different ways.

The parent trap is where we replay our parents dysfunctional relationship patterns in our own intimate relationship.

Give you one example,

Your father was a silent type and he was always criticized by your mother for not communicating enough.

You've been witnessing that your entire life and when you become an adult you find yourself being criticized by your partner for not communicating enough,

For being quiet.

So basically you unconsciously playing out the same script of your parents without knowing that.

We very often create relationship with people,

Those characters are similar to our parents even though we might hate this very aspects.

How interesting,

Let me read it again.

Very often we recreate the pattern of our parents,

Patterns of relating,

Of expressing ourselves even though we may hate this very character aspects.

Isn't it fascinating?

Why do we do this?

Because when we were little growing up in our childhood we experience our first closeness,

Attention,

Love from the people who were loving us but also unconsciously or consciously abusing us,

Sometimes beating us up,

Sometimes manipulating us.

So we form this kind of a weird snapshot that love and pain are goes hand in hand together and we filed it in our mind.

And later on in our adult relationship we attract relationship which have these components which very often doesn't go together but because we experienced it simultaneously from the people we love,

Abuse,

Manipulation and love we put it together as one ingredient.

The second type this parent trap express itself in our adult life is actually we are rebelling,

We become rebellious against our parents' behavior and we desperately trying to avoid it.

Actually here it can be even more painful than recreating the same type of relationship our parents had.

Why?

Not only we are acting out of condition pattern but here there is also added an unhealthy dose of a hidden anger and it is hard to get ahead in relationship when we are secretly trying to get even.

Wow,

Fascinating,

Isn't it?

The next relationship trap is the childhood trauma which create an adult dysfunction.

Sometimes childhood trauma sets create the trap into which we step years later in our adult relationship.

What does that mean?

I give you an example.

A woman grow up in a family where her father always been threatening to leave and finally he leaves.

As a child she form a belief that all men will always leave and guess what?

In her adult relationship she create her own reality through picking up the man who leaves her.

The next relationship trap is addiction to conflict.

Conflicts can be powerfully addicted.

Some of us are conflict junkies and that addiction last much longer than substance addiction.

We may be attached to a drama of the fights.

Adrenaline is the powerful addictive drug.

For example,

A woman growing up and in her childhood memory she remembers that her parents always argued she would hide in her room to get away from those fights.

Sometimes she would hear screaming and then few minutes later there was the silence.

She would be scared that something happened and will run to the living room to see what's going on.

Then she would realize that her parents would hear them making out,

Making love and passionate sex in the bedroom.

So what happened in the head of this little girl?

She associated love,

Fights and sex as one component as love.

That three things of fighting,

Suffering,

Love and sex get infused in her mind and later on she realized that she was creating herself huge arguments with her husband as an aphrodisiac.

Wow,

That is profoundly incredible.

And the last but not least,

In the relationship trap there is an agreement to mess up.

Out of self-hatred we can create unimaginable punishments to our self and to those around us.

Most bad luck which is happening to us or to someone else on a continuous basis is not a bad luck at all.

It is a direct,

Expression of internalized feelings of shame,

Guilt and self-hate.

Out of this deep feeling of unworthiness we mess up,

We manifest accidents and through that creating more opportunities for others to criticize us.

In other words,

We stand alone as adults because we never learn to surrender ourselves fully in relationship as children.

Our sense of trust can be damaged through our early stage of evolution and those wounds occurred during the bonding processes of our first days create a lack of trust and sometimes even betrayal.

And once this trust is broken it is very difficult to repair it.

Many of us take an attitude of false independence that is based on the fear of being close.

True independence is not based on fear.

It contains within both an ability to be close to others and a choice to be free and independent.

Thank you so much for listening.

I wish you a beautiful day sending you so much love and I really hope you will get an opportunity to dive deeper into this profound book Conscious Loving and I am looking forward to hear all of your commitments in our group chat and perhaps journal about them,

What is coming up for you when you think about them,

When you feel them in your body and I wish you an incredible way to embody those commitments and to become loyal to them.

Sending you so much love.