Coping With Grief's Difficult Emotions

Most of us experience grief as a mixed bag of physical sensations, feelings, & thoughts—usually in the form of a story we tell ourselves over and over. It is easy to get stuck in the cycle, but ruminating is rarely helpful.

One skillful response is to give your mind a place to rest that is either neutral or positive, as we do with focusing and relaxation meditations. At some point, however, you will be ready to explore your difficult emotions mindfully, in order to reduce your suffering and gain insight.

This guided meditation will help you explore difficult emotions as physical experiences in your body. The point of this exercise is to witness the difficult emotions, without pushing them away or clinging to them. Notice how the emotions feels in this moment, and to whatever extent it is possible, let go of the story and touch into direct physical experience.

If you become overwhelmed, turn your focus solely to your breath, open your eyes, or end the meditation. Be kind to yourself.

Transcript

The Buddha described five common distractions that lure us away from present moment awareness.

They are not unique to grief,

But show up throughout our life and are experienced on and off the meditation cushion.

When we are grieving,

These feelings may seem larger than life,

And exploring them with mindful,

Compassionate awareness may help reduce suffering and bring a sense of calm and peace in the present moment.

You may not experience all five,

But you may find that there is one in particular that shows up more often than the others.

These include sensual desire,

Aversion and ill-will,

Sleepiness,

Restlessness and remorse,

And skeptical doubt.

During our meditation practice,

We may experience the hindrances as stories in our mind,

As resistance in our breath,

And unpleasant sensations in our body.

We often hold on to these stories,

Sensations,

And even our breath tightly,

And don't even realize we've cut off our own life force.

This is why the breath is such a powerful barometer.

It can tell you the weather forecast for your internal landscape.

Unlike atmospheric weather,

You can attend to your breath and soften the inner hailstorm into a gentle rain.

When you anchor your attention to your breath,

You can become curious about what is pulling you away from practice or causing you to raise your guard.

This practice is not about pushing away or denying difficult emotions,

But rather approaching them with a gentle openness and curiosity so that you can see what is around,

In,

And underneath them.

This will widen your awareness and potential for transforming difficult emotions into an opportunity for self-inquiry.

If at any time the practice becomes too overwhelming,

You can simply return your attention to your breath,

Open your eyes,

And use your other senses to bring you to the present moment.

Let's begin.

Find a supportive posture,

Either sitting on a chair,

A cushion,

Or lying on the floor.

If you wish,

You may close your eyes or find a place upon which you can softly gaze.

Without trying to change,

Fix,

Or adjust anything,

Take a moment to read your inner barometer,

Your emotional weather.

Imagine you could witness your own experience the same way you would witness that of a beloved friend,

With caring,

Tenderness,

And compassion.

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Uk As you watch your experience,

Notice your breath and begin to make a mental note,

Beginning with the phrase,

I am aware of,

And filling in a word or two that describes your present experience.

Anger,

Fear,

Sleepiness,

Excitement,

Agitation,

I am aware of.

Allow the label to subtitle your experience,

Your primary focus still staying with your physical and breath awareness.

Where does this emotion or feeling reside in your body?

Once you have found that place,

Get curious about its size,

Shape,

And texture and see if you can explore this part of your body that's experiencing emotion or feeling while simultaneously noticing your breath.

Let go of any story and instead connect to the direct physical sensation that's happening right now.

As you explore this direct sensation in your body,

You may want to place a hand on the part of you that is experiencing the most sensation,

Sending that part of you comfort and compassion,

Perhaps silently saying,

I care about this.

I care about this.

I care about this.

Look beneath this primary feeling and ask yourself what lies underneath.

Fear,

Guilt,

Aggression,

Shame,

Longing,

What's here?

Begin to widen your awareness,

Shifting from the direct experience of the difficult emotion and notice the places in your body where you are not having that experience.

Is there any possibility of softening these places,

Of physically relaxing them,

Of letting go?

You you now begin to move back and forth between the parts of your body that are not experiencing the strong emotion and the part that is and now let's begin to send compassion to the one that is experiencing this difficult emotion imagine seeing your own face and offering yourself love and well wishes may I be happy may I know peace may I be free from suffering you you may I be happy may I know peace may I be free from suffering you if your difficult emotion or feeling is directed towards another you can connect with the sense of compassion for this person to imagine seeing their face and saying I forgive you I love you if this does not feel accessible right now simply have compassion for the part of yourself that's suffering but if it does you can send the other being well wishes to may you be happy as I wish to be happy may you know peace as I wish to know peace may you be free from suffering as I wish to be free from suffering Now bring your awareness back to your own body.

In this moment,

Begin to focus on the inhales and the exhales.

Soften your belly and invite in a full,

Expansive inhale,

Filling your belly,

Your middle section and your chest.

Allow your lips to part and the exhale to fall out of your mouth with a sigh.

Take three more of these.

Allow your breath to return back to normal.

And rest here,

Receiving any guidance,

Wisdom or insights that arise.

Reviews

Thank you. Going back and forth between where I felt pain and where there was no pain helpfully made me aware pain isn’t everywhere and would not last forever, too. That provided hope. Thank you!

I appreciated this meditation greatly. I’m grieving the loss of my beautiful sister who took her life nearly a year ago.

The emotions are so varied as I continue to deeply mourn this loss. She and I were extremely close.

This meditation helped me to address self compassion and also compassion and forgiveness for my sister for giving up on her life despite the great pain it caused.

Very helpful in finding peace. Thank you

Beautiful and profoundly moving meditation.. ill be practicing it often ! Great thanks Heather 🙏🏻

Huge emotion and tears ... very comforting but will deal with this release and return again ... thank you sooo much 😭🙏Namaste 🕊

Thank you for helping me in a difficult time:) may you be loved, well and free.

Really helpful. Thank you.

I'm going to the funeral of a 19 angel who was murdered, in about 3 hours. This meditation will help me stay grounded and stro g so I can support others in their loss. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Beatiful. 💚

Productive exploration of underlying emotions. Thank you.

Thank you Heather. Wonderful as always. 🙏

Very helpful way to approach entrenched emotions. Thank you.

Excellent compassion meditation

Very helpful in identifying my current emotions. Helped to calm my anxiety.

Wow. That was one of the most powerful emotional experiences I have had while meditating. Thank you for providing a safe place for me to chip away at the wall I have built, preventing me from grieving for the child in me that recently cut off all contact from my abusive mother.

We lost the second of two beloved pets two days ago. Walking through our empty apartment the last two days has been almost unbearable. Thank you so much for this meditation - you have helped me to stop holding my breath and breathe through these intense feelings of loss and pain. I am comforted and I am grateful. Namaste

Very soothing. My Aunty passed yesterday and this practice was very helpful. Thank you

This meditation is helping me in my time of grief...peace.