Meditation & Coffee - You Are Not Your Thoughts

A chilled discussion mixed with space to practice the meditation exercise of getting distance on your thoughts, seeing them as separate to you and your self-worth as a human, and recognising that your feelings and emotions are ever-changing, so we can get some perspective and clarity, and choose a more helpful, happier path.

Transcript

Hello!

You are listening to Meditation and Coffee,

The weekday meditation podcast that helps you start your day off calm,

Aware,

Intentional,

Focused and most importantly,

Awake.

Because did you know that the word Buddha actually means awakened one?

I'm Hannah,

Your host and founder of the online meditation community Breathe Like a Badass and I am obsessed with starting the day with good coffee and seriously simple meditation.

As a trained meditation teacher and a female entrepreneur,

My mission is to help anxious yet ambitious women cut through overwhelm,

Negative self-talk,

Constant comparison and fear so they can get the calm,

Clarity and focus that they need to build happy,

Fulfilling,

Freedom-filled businesses and lives.

Meditation is not magic but it's a pretty good place to start.

So whether your coffee is a shot of espresso,

A latte decaf or even a tea or a chai,

I invite you to join me every weekday to start your day off right.

FYI,

These sessions are recorded live on my Instagram page at BreatheLikeABadass so if you'd prefer to join in and watch them live,

You can do so there every weekday morning between 8 and 8.

30am London time.

The videos are also available after the lives on my IGTV page.

Now on to the meditation and coffee.

Good morning friends,

We are live for another session of meditation and coffee.

How is everyone doing?

Let me just post in the comments what we are doing today.

So for those of you that can't see,

The title of this meditation today is You Are Not Your Thoughts.

Now this is quite a well known phrase in meditation,

Mindfulness,

Buddhism,

Paying attention to your thoughts in general.

And the reason for that is basically about,

Sorry I'm just getting my massive cup of coffee this morning,

Today's a serious one.

A seriously massive one.

Hey,

What can I say?

It's Thursday,

It's nearly the end of the week.

We're still carrying on with a massive cup so I invite you to join me as usual with meditation and coffee.

Make sure that you have got the coffee end of the bargain going,

I'll bring the meditation,

You bring the coffee.

Let me just take a sip.

So yes,

Today's meditation is the idea that you are not your thoughts.

And basically the concept here is that we're separating ourselves and our own worth and our own goodness and our own value as a human from our thoughts which can change,

Which can be negative,

Which can be stuck in patterns,

Which can be unhelpful,

Which can be really overly mean.

And basically we're practicing separating ourself,

Ourself as the useful,

Valuable,

Brilliant human that we are,

Which we sometimes can forget about when we're stuck in negative thoughts or spiralling worry or anxiety and especially depression.

Those conditions can really cause us to over identify,

To use the kind of like fancy term,

To identify with thoughts and feelings to the point where we feel as though we are inextricably linked to our mindset,

To our thoughts,

To our feelings.

And that is what kind of really drags us down and causes us to get lost in repetitive and spiralling and unhelpful and negative thoughts.

Right.

So when I say you are not your thoughts,

It's not about judging you for having negative thoughts.

It's not about saying,

Oh,

Well,

You know,

You just have to choose to think good thoughts and then you shall be happy.

Because I think that that is just sometimes not how our brains work sometimes.

And actually a lot of the neuroscience on this as well,

Like just to get a bit geeky for a second.

A lot of the neuroscience on this has shown that,

You know,

We can't actually necessarily always control the thoughts that come into our head,

You know,

Especially if we are someone that has been thinking negatively about something for a while,

If we are someone who is prone to kind of like negative thought patterns,

And if we're someone that struggles really genuinely with anxiety and depression,

You know,

We cannot sit there policing our thoughts and think,

Oh,

Well,

Why am I even thinking that in the first place,

You know,

And I'll just I just need to choose to think positive and to think happy.

And then I'll be happy because you know,

If it was that simple,

We would all do it.

And it isn't.

So this is not about beating ourselves up for what we think.

It's not about toxic positivity.

It's not about ignoring our negative thoughts.

It's just about basically getting a little bit of distance on our thoughts.

And that's what we're going to practice in the meditation today.

So that you can get a bit of space,

You're not getting dragged into the thoughts.

You're not getting dragged into the negative thought patterns or the negative beliefs that we tell ourselves,

The self criticism,

The inner critic,

And we are actually allowing ourselves to get a bit of space and a little bit of perspective and building very crucially,

A sense of belief in our own worth underneath the negative thoughts and the criticisms that may arise.

So there are lots of different techniques that we can do to practice this idea.

And this is basically what we're trying to do when we meditate at all,

Right?

We're literally trying to sit down,

Notice our thoughts,

Notice our distractions,

Self focus,

Practice our attention.

And like,

That's it.

That's what we're doing when we sit down to meditate.

It's that simple.

When we get distracted,

You know,

Notice it and bring it back like that.

I mean,

Nobody ever said that the instructions for basic mindfulness meditation were complicated.

But that doesn't mean that they're easy to do.

Like I quite often say,

You know,

It's simple,

But it's not easy.

And if it was easy,

We would all do it and it would just be,

You know,

There we go,

Nice,

Done.

But it's not it's a practice because we're basically retraining our brain,

Right?

We're rewiring our brain.

And like anything like building a muscle,

It takes time it takes,

You know,

It's incremental tiny changes over the months and the years that really make the difference.

So if you struggle with this,

Basically,

As what I'm saying,

You're human.

You're normal.

And it is a practice is a continuous practice that we are trying to do.

So like I say,

There's a lot of techniques that you can do to practice this.

Because as I say,

It's basically what we're always doing when we meditate.

So you could argue that every single meditation practice that anyone ever does any technique helps you to do this,

To build a sense of your own self,

And recognize that you are not your thoughts.

However,

Today,

We're going to practice something,

Which is basically seeing your thoughts slightly in the third person.

So without further ado,

This is and this is a technique that I've learned when I trained as mindfulness based cognitive therapy teacher.

So anyone that knows CBT,

Cognitive behavioral therapy,

It helps you to separate your thoughts and your feelings and your beliefs and your behavior.

And it's a way in to understanding that you are separate from any thoughts or beliefs that you may have.

So without further ado,

I invite you to come into a relaxed seated posture,

Meditation posture,

If you like,

Or you can just sit in a comfortable position wherever you happen to be.

Making sure that your back is supported,

But that you're not leaning too far back.

Your spine is straight,

Your shoulders are dropped.

The more or less balanced between your shoulders from one side to the other.

And allowing yourself to take some deep grounding breaths,

Nothing fancy,

But just in through the nose,

Allowing your chest,

Your head,

Your sinuses to expand gently,

And then allowing yourself to breathe out.

And as you breathe out,

Allowing your muscles to relax and come to settle in the position that you are today right now.

Continuing to take a couple of deep breaths in.

Coming to close your eyes if you like if you feel safe.

If not,

If you prefer to keep your eyes open,

That's also fine,

Keeping them open.

And if you struggle with noticing your breath when you meditate,

That's absolutely fine.

I invite you to bring your attention to your body.

And rather than focusing on breathing in and out,

You can focus on how it feels to be sitting where you are now,

The weight of your body on the chair or the cushion,

The feeling of your hands on your lap,

And just taking some time to notice that and how it feels to be sitting today.

And then I invite you to begin this meditation by tuning into your senses very briefly,

And especially the sounds that you can hear.

So noticing any sounds in your surrounding area right now,

And not thinking about them,

Just kind of noticing them,

Labelling them.

So breeze in the trees,

Birds singing,

Cars perhaps,

Whatever it might be,

Just noticing them very briefly without judgment.

And you'll notice that you don't have to do anything to make those sounds happen.

Most of the time the sounds that we hear when we sit down to meditate happen on their own,

They come and go into our consciousness.

So I can hear the birds singing outside,

For example,

I can hear someone driving along the road,

Those thoughts,

Those sounds just come into my consciousness,

I don't have to force the sounds to happen.

And that's kind of similar to what happens often with our thoughts,

They just kind of show up.

We don't think,

Oh yes,

I must have this kind of thought,

That's not how our brains work.

Thoughts just occur,

Feelings occur,

Negative belief patterns crop up,

Frustration,

Nervousness,

Anxiety,

It just is,

It just comes into our mind,

That's just how we feel.

And so rather than thinking,

Oh why is this even here,

I'm really annoyed that I'm feeling this way.

In the same way as we notice the sounds that come up,

We don't blame ourselves for the sounds,

I don't think,

Oh why are the birds singing,

What did I do to make the birds sing.

And it's kind of the same with our thoughts,

Rather than thinking why am I anxious,

Why am I feeling like this,

What should I do to change it.

We notice the thoughts but we realise that they're not necessarily connected to us.

We notice that we don't have to beat ourselves up for the thoughts that come into our mind.

Another great metaphor of a way of thinking about this,

And as I speak,

Just allow yourself to continue to breathe normally,

Focus on your body,

And again if you like you can tune into the sounds that you can hear behind my voice.

But as I say,

We can think of this in another way,

If you think about your thoughts as the rain under a big rain cloud,

If you go and stand underneath that rain cloud,

You're going to get wet,

You're going to get rained on,

Right,

Because you're in it,

You're thinking,

Oh this is me,

This is my rain cloud,

I'm underneath it,

I am these thoughts,

I can't change it,

I can't observe them,

I am in it,

You know.

And that's what happens when we identify with the thoughts.

However,

If we realise that we don't have to be underneath the rain cloud,

That we can notice the rain cloud in the sky,

But we don't have to run and stand under it.

We realise that we can take a step out from outside the rain cloud and we can notice that it's raining over there,

But we don't have to necessarily get wet,

We can stand here,

Watch the rain in the distance,

And realise that actually we are safe and that we are warm and dry away from the rain cloud.

A practical way of doing this,

Just to get away from the metaphors for a second,

A practical way of doing this is when you're meditating,

Or even just when you're going about your normal day,

You notice a thought or a feeling,

Just like you might notice the rain cloud,

And instead of thinking,

Oh I feel really anxious,

Or I feel really tired,

Or I feel really nervous,

You say it in the third person,

So you say,

There is anxiety here,

There is nervousness here,

Or oh I'm noticing some anxiety today,

Or I'm noticing some nervousness today.

I'm noticing that I am in a slightly more anxious frame of mind today.

So you see how that's subtly different from I'm anxious,

I'm always anxious,

Why am I anxious again,

And those sorts of thought patterns that can really make it about you and why you are who you are and how it's wrong and really making you,

Yourself,

Part of the thought.

Instead,

You're removing yourself one step back and you're saying,

Oh okay,

I'm noticing that there's some anxiety here today.

I'm noticing that my mindset feels more anxious today,

Rather than saying I am anxious.

And that means that we can observe our thoughts,

Like I say,

From more of a distance.

And this isn't about separating ourselves from our own minds,

It's not about dissociating and kind of having a bit of an out of body experience,

It's nothing like that,

It's just how can we get some distance on what we're thinking and feeling so that we can be kinder to ourselves about it and realise that our thoughts are always changing.

Change is constant and just because we feel anxious or stressed or nervous or negative right now doesn't mean that we always will.

That's another thing that's really useful to remember when we realise we're not our thoughts.

Because anxiety and depression can be lying.

Lying little gits,

Basically,

And they tell us that we are alone and we're the only ones feeling this way and that we're going to feel this way forever.

And actually that's usually just our anxiety,

Our depression talking.

And it's not true,

Our thoughts are transient,

Our emotions are transient,

They change just like the weather does,

Just like the sounds that we listened to earlier,

They come and go.

So I would continue to notice any anxiety or even any kind of emotions that are coming up for you right now,

Tuning into your mindset,

Tuning into your state of mind this morning.

And allow yourself to practice getting that space,

Getting that distance and using the phrase,

I notice that there is whatever it is here,

I notice that there is anxiety here,

I notice that there is stress.

That's a really good phrase,

A really good mantra to just bring back each time.

So I'll give you some space to do that.

And of course if you get distracted,

Always just bringing it back,

Always always just bringing it back to your breathing,

To your body,

To noticing how it feels to be sitting here today.

And practicing noticing your thoughts and your feelings and seeing them as separate to you rather than identifying with them.

So maybe just noticing two more things that are coming into your frame of reference,

Into your consciousness right now,

So maybe noticing something about your state of mind just as a way of practicing the technique.

So I am noticing some tension here today,

For example.

I am noticing some tiredness,

There's tiredness here today.

And as you're noticing it,

Continuing to breathe,

Just notice that you are feeling the same way as you are feeling it.

And recognizing that these feelings and these emotions and thoughts are separate from you as a human,

As someone who deserves to be loved and feel good.

And recognizing that these thoughts are transient,

They're changing,

They're not permanent.

And once we start to practice seeing thoughts and feelings as something separate from us as a human,

We have less of a grip on them and they in turn have less of a grip on us.

We can start to see our thoughts as something that we can either pick or choose to believe.

They have less power over us,

We're not as swayed by them,

We're not as janked around by them,

As the meditation writer Dan Harris would say.

And again,

This is something that you can do even when you're not in formal meditation,

You can practice using this phrase,

I notice,

I notice that there is tiredness here today,

I notice that.

And stepping back from whatever you're noticing and thinking,

Okay,

This is not me,

This is not my emotion.

This is just an emotion that I'm feeling right now.

And that to me can feel very liberating.

It's like Brené Brown,

She uses a great phrase to talk about the difference between shame and guilt.

So if you imagine that really identifying with your feelings is shame.

She basically says,

I've done something that failed,

But I am not a failure.

So it's that distinction.

I may have done something stupid,

But I am not stupid as a person.

Right?

And it's the similar thing here.

I may be feeling anxious,

But I am not an anxious person.

Or I may be feeling depressed or I may be feeling stressed.

But I can choose to observe that and recognise that I'm still good underneath,

That I'm safe,

That I have value.

And I can choose to step back from that feeling and thought and recognise that it doesn't define me.

And then you can choose a more helpful,

Compassionate,

Happier move forward.

So this has been more of a kind of coffee meditation discussion rather than a necessarily straightforward meditation this morning,

But I hope that you found it useful.

I hope that you were able to put some of what I've spoken about today into practice,

At least for a few moments.

And maybe I invite you to take this technique and using the mantra of I notice that in the rest of your life and let me know how it goes.

Report back.

If you have your eyes closed,

You can open them now.

Dropping your shoulders and kind of shaking it out a bit.

Coming back into the room.

As I say,

This was kind of more of a discussion around some of these really important ideas in meditation that sometimes a pure breathing practice doesn't quite get to.

Thank you.

Thank you for being here.

I appreciate that.

Yeah,

I hope that you found it useful.

In future sessions,

I will do more of kind of a very focused kind of very traditional,

More of a traditional meditation practice that uses this technique.

But I really just wanted to talk about that today to talk about how we're practising detachment from our thoughts,

How we're practising stepping back from them and not identifying so much with them.

So I appreciate you for being here.

Thank you for joining in with me.

Thank you for being open to another session of meditation and coffee.

I really hope that you have a great day.

As usual,

Let me know how it goes.

Let me know if any questions or comments or issues with the practice that we did today with some of the issues that I've spoken about today.

And from me and my very massive cup of coffee,

I wish you a wonderful day.

Thanks so much for being here.

That's it for today.

Thanks so much for listening and spending your morning with me.

If you like this podcast,

And you are as obsessed with coffee and maybe meditation as I am,

Please go ahead and leave a rating and a review on Apple podcasts or wherever you normally listen,

As it helps spread the word and get the message out to more brilliant women just like us who need it.

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Tagging me at breathe like a badass.

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If you like this,

And you'd like to hear more from me and breathe like a badass on how to use meditation to get the calm clarity and focus you need to build a happy,

Fulfilling,

Freedom filled business and life.

Head on over to my other full length interview style podcast.

Just search breathe like a badass anywhere that you normally listen to podcasts.

Thank you so much for listening and I will see you for the next one.

Reviews

I love it! Something I noticed about myself is hearing words like anxiety and depression repeated many times, begins to stir up feelings of anxiety and depression in my body; even if i was feeling good before. I’m wondering if this happens to anyone else?

An excellent tool for becoming aware when anxious thoughts arise to give some separation from the thoughts. Thank you. I too love my coffee especially when I awaken in the morning! 😍