Why Negative Reactions Repeat Themselves GF Live 4-19-25

Let every search for a solution to the suffering you feel begin in the unlit corners of your own consciousness, and soon you will never again wonder “why” you feel the worries, fear, and the bitterness that you do.

Here's a bright spiritual fact; learning its secret lesson leads to self-liberation: either we are aware of – and present to – whatever is unfolding within us...or, we are unconsciously passive to its presence; and, by definition, whatever we are passive to...commands us. This new understanding is “power” in the truest sense of the word; it completely negates the powerless condition we find ourselves in when we are passive to our own unconscious nature.

Transcript

Why do painful negative reactions keep repeating themselves?

I don't know if you've ever asked yourself that question.

Why is it that given certain circumstances,

Looking at certain people,

Thoughts about certain points of time in my life,

I always have essentially the same negative reaction that seems inextricably tied to whatever it is that my mind is revisiting?

Why on earth would I keep having the same negative reactions?

I hope you've reached the point in your life where you're starting to recognize that that's the truth.

It's like clockwork.

Think about them,

This,

That.

Turn on the news.

Look in the mirror.

Boom!

Look at a plate of cookies.

Same reactions.

Whatever cookies may be for you.

So I have a quick story.

Here's two friends.

They've known each other for 30 years.

And one of them has been sick for quite a while,

And his friend has urged him to go to a doctor.

And he hasn't heard much from his friend about his doctor visits.

But finally he says to him,

I'm wondering,

Have you settled on a doctor yet?

And he says,

No,

I haven't.

Well,

How many doctors have you seen?

He says,

I don't know,

About a dozen,

I guess.

You've gone to a dozen doctors and you haven't settled on one,

He said?

No,

Uh-uh,

Not yet.

Like,

Natural.

Why can't you find a doctor?

And he looks at his friend,

He says,

Well,

I can't find one who agrees with my diagnosis of what's wrong with me.

Shocked.

What do you mean?

He said,

Well,

How else am I supposed to get the prescription that I believe will heal me if I can't find a doctor that agrees that I know what's wrong with me?

Now,

That sounds ludicrous,

But with God as my witness,

That is a true story.

And it's true for every one of us to some extent.

Because,

Going back to our title,

I keep having the same painful negative reactions and I keep telling myself that I know why I have them.

And when I know why I have them,

It's a snap for me to prescribe to myself what it is I have to do to change you or do something somewhere in order to escape that suffering.

And no matter how much I've done like that,

I'm still looking for a healing.

So,

Just to bring you on,

Everybody understand that little story and its direct application,

Its implication,

To our spiritual life.

There's a phenomena,

A beautiful phenomena.

Well,

It won't be for a while,

But it is a beautiful phenomena.

It doesn't seem like it.

Saint Paul pointed to it.

Most of us don't understand much about it.

Most of that language or the indications connected in it.

But he basically said,

He was talking to disciples,

Men and women,

Aspirants like yourself.

And he essentially said,

I don't do the good that I would.

I do the evil I would not.

I don't do the good that I would.

I do the evil I would not.

So,

He was saying that I actually know what the good is.

And that's good with a capital G.

He forgets regular,

Plain old good.

But in spite of knowing it,

I just keep doing what I know I ought not do,

That harms me and the people around me.

Now,

If we can step back for a moment,

How is that possible?

I say I know what's good.

You say you know what's good.

You say you know what's positive and right and true for everyone,

Including yourself.

But we don't do as we say.

Instead,

We explain what we do to ourselves and everyone else,

As if that proves that we have the understanding that our actions prove we don't.

So,

Let me rephrase what St.

Paul said.

He said,

I don't do the good I would.

I do the evil I would not.

Here is it rephrased in terms of our conversation study this morning and this idea of why painful negative reactions keep repeating themselves.

And,

Incidentally,

Why on earth they do,

Which is what we're going to find out.

I make the choices after which I wish I hadn't made,

Instead of the choices that I know would best serve my interests.

I make choices that I wish I didn't make.

And I get through the experience of making choices I wish I didn't make by explaining to myself why that was the only logical choice,

Given the circumstance,

The condition of this relationship with you or the world at large.

How can I choose against myself?

Do you know that we don't know that we do that?

We choose against ourselves,

And I'll go through a list later on in the talk,

Anytime,

That we allow some instantaneous painful reaction to point out the source of its suffering and then choose the path that that suffering tells us we must take in order to escape the condition we blame for it.

What's going on?

What is an addict of any nature,

Other than someone who chooses against himself,

Herself,

Believing that that's the best choice?

Have you ever found yourself eating the second,

Third,

Fourth cookie?

Having an extra drink?

Spending some money you shouldn't spend?

Who,

In the name of God,

Is making these choices that even as we make them,

Are compromising us?

Because we never actually ask that question,

What we're caught up with is all the explanations for why we did that or the judgment of ourself for having made that wrong choice against ourselves that seems to prove that we're not the one who just made that choice.

Again,

Everybody's still tracking with me because I want to bring up a key lesson,

Get us started.

Please,

Everybody with me?

What's going on?

How do I choose to do the evil I would not instead of the good I would?

How do I choose against myself?

How's that possible?

Let's bring up the first key lesson,

Kate,

Please.

Let every search for a solution to the suffering we feel begin in the unlit corners of our own consciousness.

And soon,

If we do that,

We will never again wonder why we are so painfully identified with anger,

Worries and fears that seem to follow us through our life.

Isn't it amazing?

My circumstances have changed so many times,

But I meet conditions that bring up the same conflicted reactions and that the choices I make in the face of what should be new conditions prove that while the circumstances themselves may have changed the consciousness that's come into that moment with me,

My consciousness has not changed at all.

That's where we have to start our study.

I wrote down these words.

Let's light it up.

I like that.

Let's light it up.

Now,

What that means in this instance is what can we begin to do with our own minds using proper reasoning,

Which is all we have at the moment.

God willing,

Coupled to some insight or intuition,

Maybe an epiphany that we can begin to put together and see this bigger picture that we need to see to understand why in the name of God do I keep choosing not just against myself,

But do you understand,

Can you understand that when you choose against yourself,

Anybody that you are with is part and parcel with the pain that comes with it.

For instance,

I think the choice is to blame the past so that anybody that's in my past that's part of that pain gets to receive the brunt of my thoughts and feelings.

Even if they're not alive,

I'm punishing myself by looking at this image I have of you and what it's endowed with through the past that I was never delivered from and I'm still suffering.

What's going on?

Let's look at it.

Try to see this with me.

I'm spelling it out as best I can.

For the longest time growing up,

Parental guidance,

Early teachers,

The curriculum,

All that business,

Pretty much everything that we went into and through in those early days,

Including the possibilities,

The choices,

They were decided for us.

You may not have liked certain foods that your parents put on your plate,

But you were told that billions of people are starving in China and you have to eat it,

Or a good person always cleans his plate,

Or that you shouldn't treat your brother like that because that's not what a good person does.

Not only did we have this feeling of choices that were coming up inside of us,

But we were told our choices didn't count.

And in essence for our whole life.

And imagine,

Because this is true.

Here I feel like I should have a choice in this moment.

Some challenge comes along,

Something negative or positive with its potential.

I should have a choice.

But all I hear,

And believe me,

One day you'll see this,

God willing,

Before I can even begin to formulate to do the good that I would instead of make the choice against myself,

There's a commanding voice,

A strong reaction,

A feeling,

A compulsion that passes through me and it says,

It's already been decided for you.

It's already been decided.

How long would you hang out with a boyfriend,

A girlfriend,

A family member,

Somebody at work,

Whatever it might be.

And every time a certain circumstance comes up and you start to say something about it,

They say it's already been decided.

It just cuts you off.

What you have to say about this doesn't matter.

It's already been decided.

So at some point,

And this is true,

Believe me,

We become so used to this battering of a series of reactions that are accompanied by thoughts and feelings that have already decided for us what the possibilities are within us and in the world around us in that moment.

How long would you agree to go through life allowing someone or something to make choices for you?

I'm asking.

Would you?

If everywhere you went,

Under every circumstance,

You got ready to,

You had this thought,

This feeling,

And so you said,

No,

It's already decided.

And here's who you're going to be.

And here's what you're going to do.

I have to choose my words carefully here.

Because I'm telling you that that's the truth that you don't see yet,

Which is why negative reactions keep repeating themselves.

Because the unseen fallback reaction is into some condition,

Thought or feeling that never released you the first time it took place,

But that through identification with it tied you to the only kind of,

How should I say,

A neural pathway that given a certain sense of,

A certain set of stimulation will always do the same thing.

This is what I believe Saint Paul meant when he said,

We don't struggle with flesh and blood,

But with powers and principalities.

In the Aramaic translation,

With governing bodies.

We are governed by this,

I call it the internal Pharaoh.

And it already has decided without our knowing it,

How we will react in moments that are familiar to us in terms of seeming to repeat themselves.

And yes or no,

When something makes these choices for us,

You think you choose to go back into that thought about this person?

You think you choose to go straighten somebody out?

How in the name of God can we rectify,

Reconcile the idea that the choice that I have made now is filled with fear and pain?

Why would I choose anything that would fill me with fear,

Doubt or pain?

And the short answer is,

I wouldn't.

And the deeper answer is that every time something says it's already been decided and then uses your mouth,

Your face,

Your body,

Your voice to make sure that you understand the decision has been made,

That you find yourself feeling helpless,

Even in the midst of these choices.

And by the way,

Choices that have been decided for you that decide the direction in your life every moment thereafter.

Can you see what we're working towards here in the first 16 minutes or so?

Please don't get ahead of me.

No,

Please don't get it.

I beg of you,

Don't get ahead of me.

Sweet God,

That's the doctor's story.

You don't understand.

It's not an incrimination.

It's not a judgment.

You don't understand that everything that comes up in your mind that you identify with by the nature of that identification has already limited you to the content of that understanding and the choices that are inherent at that level.

It's done.

Let's look at this together.

Kate,

Let's start our series of posts,

Please.

Read along with me.

I'm having Kate post this so we can study it together.

If we,

You and I,

Were to imagine a family tree of the choices we make,

We would see that at the root of most of these choices,

If not all of them,

That the root begins with registering a disturbance of some kind.

Can you see that?

I'm walking along.

Everything's kind of okay.

I get a text.

Phone rings.

I look at the news.

My mind isn't making choices,

So to speak.

I'm thinking about the apple pie I'm going to go have.

Boom!

She said,

What?

Oh my God,

I knew that person was like that.

In that moment,

What starts happening?

This mind begins to try to sort through the choices it needs to make in order to do what?

In order to extricate the sense of myself as being disturbed by this person or problem so that I can put it away.

I trust you're following that much.

Let's go to the next part of the post,

Kate.

Now,

With that in mind,

Disturbance,

Mind gears up,

Starts thinking through possibilities,

Choices.

We experience these unwanted moments as being separate from the part of us that is comparing its expectation of the moment to the actuality of it.

Not too much to chew on.

Let's try it.

That moment where the disturbance comes,

Somehow or other because it's disturbed me,

I believe that whatever the condition is,

Somehow exists apart from the me that's disturbed by it.

But what I don't see and need to see is that the real disturbance that's going on inside of me is that I came into that moment stuffed with the past,

The demands,

The opinions,

And the actuality of whatever it is that just took place has run headlong into this expectation that I came into the moment with.

So I feel my reaction and the fact that I'm sitting here choosing how to get rid of this problem,

I believe that I am other than this moment when what we're looking at,

And let's bring up the next part of the post,

Kate,

That in that thinking about how to rid ourselves of this conflict,

We don't see that the only reason the conflict exists as it does in that moment is because of a negative comparison that this consciousness created.

So my consciousness is in conflict with its own expectation.

It expects you to be a certain way.

It hopes that things will go this way.

And it's already identified with these things because we bring that identity and its expectation with us into every moment.

It is part of this unconscious nature.

And then lo and behold,

They do,

They won't.

He says she doesn't.

And in an instant,

This expectation is challenged.

But it's not challenged by the moment itself.

It's challenged because some part of me believes that unless it goes down the way it imagines it's supposed to,

Hell is going to break loose and I'm going to lose everything valuable.

So this negative comparison is the root of the conflict,

Not the condition it's blaming.

Now,

Next,

Kate.

So as we start to sort through this,

Up comes in the midst of this reaction.

Yeah,

Okay.

This is all right.

It's not too much of a problem.

Or,

Oh my God,

No,

This is a problem.

And either way,

No matter which way it goes,

It seems like either of these two choices gives us the freedom to deal with the circumstance in question.

That's what we call it.

Boy,

I just pray that you can follow this.

We call freedom what we say is our ability to choose between to choose a way out of the conflict.

That's what we call freedom.

That I can begin to sort through the circumstances that I find at fault for this captivity that I experience the moment of conflict.

And as I sort through this conflict,

I come up with conclusions and choices.

And I believe that's my freedom.

But these two choices that we have,

Let's go to the next part,

Kate.

Go back and read this.

The truth is the only thing that either of these choices do,

Yes or no,

Want,

Not want.

The only thing that either of these choices do,

And by the way that we're identified with,

Is hide the following fact.

Let's put it up.

Neither of them,

Neither of these choices,

Fight,

Flight,

Do anything but confirm the following illusion that our now suddenly troubled sense of self is somehow separate and other than the consciousness responsible for creating it.

So that the moment of challenge,

The reaction,

And then the mind going into the choices that it believes will liberate it from whatever that challenge is,

That mind never escapes the challenge because it has challenged itself to try to make the moment into what it says it has to have in order to return to its illusion of being free.

And it's fascinating if you can follow this.

I hope it's not too deep.

We do not believe that choice proves freedom when it comes to things like what?

Especially in the world today.

You are told that you should be a tolerant human being,

That you should tolerate human beings.

So that being tolerant becomes what we call a choice for us.

And by the way,

If you don't make the right choice when it comes to what the world and your society tells you is the right choice to make,

You don't make that choice,

You're out of here.

Left or right makes no difference.

This isn't political.

So we are indoctrinated with what the right choice is to make out of fear of making the wrong choice.

And do you think that's just in society and culture?

That whole construct that you see in the world around you is a projection of this consciousness.

So that I'm in fear forever that I'm going to make the right choice given whatever it is that has challenged me.

So yeah,

What do I do?

I call the right choice to try to appear like I'm someone who's tolerant.

That's the choice.

Have the appearance.

Failing to see that the very attempt to have to appear like I'm a loving,

Kind,

Compassionate person.

Do you know that if you have to try to choose to be loving,

Kind,

And compassionate,

It proves that within you is the opposite.

Why would I have to make a choice to be loving and kind if in fact my nature has loving kindness in it?

Why would I have to choose to try to be a patient person in this circumstance with this person that's all but negative?

Why would I have to choose that?

I'll tell you why I have to choose that.

Out of fear of making the wrong choice and having you,

Incidentally,

The one that I don't even want to be around,

Judge me.

So at the root of all of these choices,

If you're following me,

It isn't I that is making these choices.

The choices that we have is how should I appear?

What would be the right action?

That's all we know.

How should I carry this off?

Oh my God,

Can you not see that the very attempt to carry off something proves that you're carrying the opposite with you or you wouldn't have to try to carry off this or that appearance.

So if you're following me,

And I guess you are,

I can see that's good.

Some of you aren't,

But I can't do anything about it right now.

Don't give up.

If that's true,

That these choices are in fact are being made for me that the decision has been made that something has chosen for me how I will react.

And then following what that reaction that has been chosen for me is the choice of justifying,

Rationalizing,

Explaining or blaming someone for what I know is not good for me or you.

This is so deep and important.

You'll see it one day.

I give you as best I know how to say those words.

I give you the word of truth.

One day you'll be in the midst of spewing some venom.

You'll be right in the throes of having these punishing thoughts about people.

How could they do that to me?

And you think those are your thoughts and then you think the choices that come out of that string of suffering,

Emotion.

You believe those choices are you?

They're not.

That's why you have to spend so much time thinking about all of this business.

Rehashing,

Reliving,

Reimagining.

But never suspecting that the real diagnosis is that you're living from a nature that has already decided the choices for you.

And it's decided the choices for you because that's the only way it can keep you in its prison.

That's the only way it can keep its continuity,

Its sense of self.

Its sense of self that includes judging itself when it acts against itself or others.

I have some examples to go over with you so that you can see this.

Here are some choices that have already been decided for us.

See it with me.

What is impatience?

If not the fact that something already decided how you should be or the moment should go.

Isn't that what impatience is?

I know that you shouldn't be like this.

Now I didn't come into the moment with you,

My daughter,

My son,

My brother,

My wife,

My husband.

I didn't come into that moment thinking that I absolutely know the choices you should make and if you don't choose according to what I know is true then up will come this impatience.

This reaction will unfold and in the reaction and in my identification that is inseparable from its appearance comes what?

The decisions made for you.

The decision is made how I'm going to talk.

The decision is made the words I'm going to use.

What is the sense of disappointment within a human being?

I'm not saying human beings don't disappoint us and I'm certainly not saying that we don't disappoint others but nobody sees what is that disappointment if not the fact that I already know everything about you.

Isn't that what judgment is?

I know everything about you.

So the decision about how I'm going to be in this moment with you was made before I entered into the moment with you.

Doesn't matter what you say or do,

You might have even become a new human being.

I don't know it because the decision was made for me.

I can't be adamant enough.

I'm immediately negative.

Yes or no?

Somebody says how about this?

Nope.

How about that?

No,

No chance.

Out of me comes a negative reaction before I even actually know what I'm reacting to.

I just get the drift of it and I'm not going in that direction with you or with anyone else.

Nope.

Thought comes you know you should change something about your life.

Instantaneously.

It's been decided for you.

You will have these thoughts and feelings along these lines.

They will be negated by some form of conflict and then you'll just go back to being the same person.

It's been decided for you and you don't know that you're listening to something that is decided for you.

How many of you avoid certain people,

Circumstances even before you know you're avoiding them?

You have to see this.

You're walking down the hall at work.

You're at the school here.

You're in a supermarket.

You're at the doctor's office.

The decision about how I feel about the people around me it's already been made.

God.

I already know what's wrong with you.

I already know why you shouldn't be the way you are.

I'm already thinking how could you let yourself go like that?

How,

How,

How,

How?

And that question masks the fact that in that same moment it seems to me that I am the one choosing these thoughts,

Choosing these reactions and then of course the actions that follow them.

Do you see with me these examples that I'm pointing out how common they are?

And if you can see the fact that something is,

Has Do you know how profound please,

I'm not a profound human being.

The last thing I ever want you to do is think,

Well,

Gee,

God,

No,

No,

No.

Please discount me.

Get rid of me altogether.

Just see whether what I'm saying is true or not.

Prove it to yourself.

When we have a negative reaction that negative reaction is a choice that we explain to ourselves as if then we were the one who made that choice but the negative reaction,

We are choiceless in the moment to do anything other than as we are now identify with it,

Explain it and then run with the actions.

We can do so much better than that.

But only once we realize we get to the true cosmic doctor and he says,

You know,

Guy,

The reason that you keep having the same painful,

Repetitive reactions is because you keep feeding the same painful reactor.

You keep identifying with that consciousness believing that it's you.

It's not you.

Bring up the second key lesson,

Please,

Kate.

Read along with me,

Everybody.

Here's a bright spiritual fact.

Learning its secret lesson leads to self liberation.

Either we are aware of and present to whatever is unfolding within us or we are unconsciously passive to its presence and by definition whatever we are passive to commands us.

This new understanding is power in the truest sense of the word.

It completely negates the powerless condition we find ourselves in when we are passive to our own unconscious nature and those constantly dark choices it makes in order to keep itself in place and the sense of self that attends it as it does so.

Ryan,

With all due respect,

You're missing the point of these talks if you're distracted by trying to compliment Kate.

This isn't a.

.

.

I'll speak for myself.

As long as my mouth opens and I begin to speak,

As long as I identify with and continue to emit,

Radiate any form of rage,

Impatience,

Fear,

Doubt,

As long as that happens then I have no idea that it's taking place inside of me and worse,

I take the part of the nature that explains the evil that it does to itself and others.

I'm a lost soul.

I am dead asleep.

You remember that old song?

Row,

Row,

Row your boat gently down the stream merrily,

Merrily,

Merrily,

Merrily life is but a dream.

Yeah.

No,

Life is not a dream.

You're in a dream.

You're dreaming that whatever sense of self pours up and out of that unconscious nature in the darkness that it lives in,

That those choices are your choices,

They are not your choices.

And it is not enough to regret your choices.

Regretting the unwanted moments that you create through your choices,

Suffering over the actions and then telling yourself,

I'll never be like that.

I'll never do that again.

Every last part of that is trash.

It has to go out the window because regret is just the way in which the nature that did what is regretful hides itself in a flip side of itself as if,

Gee,

I really shouldn't be like that.

I'll be better next time.

There is no better next time.

There is the awareness,

There is the consciousness that is gradually brought into this living light.

We're coming up upon Easter tomorrow.

Brought into this light.

The light that dwells in the darkness that the darkness knows not.

The light that reveals the present nature of the chooser that we are identified with and do not know that in identifying with those choices,

We are indemnifying that nature and keeping it in place.

Sometimes I think to myself,

I don't know how much you should say because if you even begin to get a glimpse of the fact that when you choose to compromise yourself,

That you would never do that if you knew in that moment that the pain that you were experiencing in that moment was actually imagining the pleasure that allowed you to escape the experience of yourself.

There's never been an addict on this planet and addicts are not just substance,

Not just food,

Not just buying stuff,

Addicted to thinking about ourselves.

Narcissus was an addict,

Wasn't he?

Addicted to the sense of self.

This unconscious nature is addicted to the sense of itself that it keeps producing for itself every time it comes up with a choice that it says,

Here,

You're free to choose this.

Go down this road.

Here,

You're free to do this.

Regret this.

Hate yourself.

You're such a terrible person.

That's the right choice here because you can see you're never going to bow to anything and every last one of those choices is the continuity of that unconscious nature keeping itself in place by deceiving you,

By deceiving me into explaining and justifying and having reasons why I hurt myself and others.

Could there ever be a good reason why you would hurt yourself or another human being?

And if you say yes,

This is not the place for you.

But there are good reasons to begin to consciously suffer the fact that I am starting to realize that I'm sitting here and I am so taught.

A bow strung to 500 pounds is nothing compared to the tension inside of me.

And twang!

Off goes that sharp comment.

Out goes that impatience,

That arrow of indignity.

Out flies the sling of that suffering over one again what you did or didn't do 5,

10,

20 years ago.

And this nature convinces you that it was your choice to go back and make yourself a victim by reliving that circumstance.

So that means I have to start waking up.

That means that instead of letting the dream continue itself at the expense of the possibility of my being saved from that nature,

That when that reaction comes that impatience,

That anger,

That loathing,

That violence,

That conflict,

That resentment,

Whatever it may be,

In the moment that that disturbance is triggered and up comes that reaction,

We have to be present enough and it takes work.

First,

Because you won't be able to be in front of that reaction or its expression,

Which is eventually possible,

Incidentally.

That's why Christ said I go before you to make the crooked places straight.

What is the crooked place other than the misdirection provided by a choice that is actually set against myself?

But now I must begin in the midst of the throes of that reaction,

Of those choices.

I have to want to see something about that.

That's why Kate will bring up the second key lesson one more time and then we'll get on with the end of this talk.

That's why I wrote this summary so that we could begin together to understand this spiritual fact and its lesson that leads to liberation,

Not from the world around you,

But from the world within you that creates the world that you blame for these choices and the pain of them.

Either we are aware of and present to what is unfolding within us or we are unconsciously passive to its presence and by definition we are passive to not just the choices that are being given to us,

But passive to this strange part of us that will then justify how it is that I could say something so harmful,

So hurtful that I could justify believing that you deserve to be punished for what you are.

God,

Where is,

Where,

This nature has no love in it at all.

You want to know what love is?

Love is your realization,

Recognition to some extent of the revelation of the truth of what I've told you and then you being willing to lay down the life of that nature that always appears to command or otherwise convince you that this was the only choice,

You had to go back,

You had to think about this,

You had to lash out,

You had to yell,

You had to shout.

Lies.

Lies.

You see it as such and it will initiate in you an authentic spiritual rebellion,

The beginning of a true revolution of a spiritual nature and that revolution is based in the revelation that you can no longer continue being who and what you've been in particular when some challenge sets off this conflicted nature and then it tries to change or control the circumstances through the choices,

By the way,

That it makes then that are the continuation of what produced that problem to begin with.

I hope you've understood this.

Don't go merrily down the stream.

Don't go gently into that good night.

Life is right now for us a dream.

It's not meant to be a dream.

It's meant to be a staggering,

Shocking and equally beautiful series of revelations in which by the grace of God and the light of Christ by whatever words you want to use,

We begin to see and realize that within ourselves we've been remanded over to a fallen nature,

An unconscious self and until it's uncovered and experienced directly we will never know the right diagnosis because we'll keep prescribing for ourselves solution to that pain.

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