How To Keep Relationships Growing GF Live 6-15-24

Resisting the revelation of any existing limitation of ours...is like fearing the ocean because we never took the time to learn how to swim!
It's a paradox of the true spiritual path, but the more conscious we become of what limits us, the more limitless becomes our life.

Transcript

Our topic for this morning is how to keep relationships growing.

But as always,

We have a special way of looking at this idea of what it means for a relationship to grow.

And I want to initiate that by just inserting here a particular idea that's important for everything that we do,

And that is that the world we experience is inseparable from our understanding of it.

In essence,

We experience our understanding.

That alone points to a new kind of responsibility where,

By and large,

We blame others for the experience our understanding of them gives us.

That's why I spoke of recently,

And will continue over the next couple of weeks,

This idea that the real limitation that we have in any relationship with others or ourselves,

For that matter,

Is that we don't realize to what extent our understanding of the moment comes in and dictates to us not just what's been delivered to us through that relationship,

But how we can free ourselves from anything we don't want in it.

It's like running around inside of a prison cell from corner to corner and hoping that we can find something in one corner that's not in another that will free us.

What we need to understand is something quite different and quite deep.

I'm going to make one specific point today that,

If you can hear it,

May have the power to help you change everything you perceive in unwanted moments in relationships with others and,

Again,

With ourselves,

Which is the point of this.

Let me get into it.

I don't know.

I think it was in a book.

Maybe not.

I told a story about a little girl whose father was a horticulturist,

Someone who grows flowers,

Understands them,

And her father was a master at growing roses.

Now,

This is a little girl,

And she loves her father's rose garden.

She's not quite big enough to look up over the shelving where all of these different roses bloom,

But she's captured by it,

Captivated by it.

She's very young,

But she's always bothering,

Begging her father,

Please let me have roses of my own,

Roses of my own.

One day,

He acquiesces.

He says,

All right,

Sweetheart,

And he gives her this little potted rose.

My wife gave me these roses a couple of days ago.

Aren't they gorgeous?

You know,

There's something about anything that blooms that's magical,

And we're going to talk about this,

The magic of blooming only as a human being.

And so,

Dad gives this little girl her own roses,

This little pot,

And off she trots,

Happy,

Excited,

Because her head is filled with visions of her father's roses.

Not much happens after that.

A week or two goes by,

And dad notices the little girl starting to kind of mope around and to get through the story as quickly as I need to for the rest of the material.

He says,

What's wrong with you?

And she kind of mumbles.

He gets it out of her,

And she indicates that there's something wrong with the rose that he gave her.

And honestly,

He'd almost forgotten that he did so.

He said,

Well,

Where is it,

Sweetheart?

And she takes him by the hand outside around the house into a kind of a shaded corner and shows him where this rose is,

And it's kind of not looking that good.

And he looks down,

And he immediately sees the rim of the little pot,

And she had planted the little pot with the little rose in the ground directly and had been watering it,

And of course,

Somewhat root-bound and saturated,

The plant wasn't doing well.

And he looks at her and says,

Sweetheart,

What you don't understand is that we have to take this out.

We have to take your little rose out of that pot,

Out of that little pot,

Your little rose out of that pot,

Out of that little pot,

Because if it doesn't have room for it to spread its roots and to grow,

It will never bloom the way you want it to.

And he shows her,

He takes it out,

She didn't know how to do it,

Puts it in the ground,

And within a week or so,

Also having moved it into a partly sunny area,

Another thing she doesn't understand,

Everything needs light to grow.

Soon enough,

It's growing.

So moral of the story,

Write it down.

Very simple.

No room,

No bloom.

No room,

No bloom.

We can see this with this child.

Nothing can thrive,

Let alone realize its highest,

Truest possibilities without blooming.

What would a rose be without the purpose of its continuous movement through nature to bloom?

Have you ever seen a human being bloom?

We don't see it much.

We watch children sometimes,

They kind of bloom,

But even they're crushed by the expectations and the demands and the dependency that unconscious human beings create.

But you watch a human being bloom.

We see it here at the foundation from time to time.

It is more beautiful than the rose because it is interacting and you are part of that movement.

As it blooms,

You can feel the change and you recognize the possibility of blooming.

And yes,

Pregnant ladies do shine because they are blooming themselves and getting ready to give rise to a bloom.

Anyway,

Let's examine this idea of no room,

No bloom when it comes to our relationships.

First of all,

We can see when it comes to others that the more patience we have,

The more kindness,

Compassion,

Understanding,

That these characteristics,

These qualities are required if a relationship is going to bloom,

If it's going to have the room it needs to grow.

And we can also see,

Even if we may not want to recognize it,

That without that room,

The thing wilts.

Like a small pond that somehow is cut off from the flow of water.

A relationship that's cut off from the flow of the light of understanding and revelation soon begins to die.

And we see that so much.

I don't know how much you look at it.

I see it.

You can watch human beings and their relationships wilt.

So the point being that nothing can grow,

Including our relationships,

Without the room they need.

So with that idea in mind,

Transition.

Can we see that there is no space whatsoever in any unconscious reaction driven by resistance?

And all unconscious reactions begin with a summary resistance to some condition that is felt to be a challenge to oneself and what one is identified with.

You mix resistance and its reaction into any relationship.

And that negative reaction ensures that everything that transpires from that point on will be contained within the dark binary elements of every form of negative reaction,

Which is,

As we've been talking about,

Reduced to simply fight or flight.

Those are the possibilities that a relationship is contained within whenever two human beings get together and each looks at the other as responsible for the sudden crushing of the heart,

The closing down of the emotions,

And the darkening of thoughts.

And we can understand,

I don't go into it,

We haven't time,

That there is no such resistance,

No such negative reaction unless something has come along and challenged whatever it is that we may be identified with.

For instance,

All of us know what it's like.

It could be any split second with a family member,

But suddenly there's some uncomfortable moment generated by an unwanted change.

What was the word I want?

Some unexpected reaction in another person.

And in that moment,

When that comes at us and seems to come at us,

This is critical,

We're going to get to this.

When it seems to come at us,

What's the first thing that happens inside of us?

And we know what it is.

We find fault with them.

We believe that their negative reaction and what they are manifesting is their limitation.

And the idea that somehow or other we are involved in that closing down of that space doesn't enter our mind because all we can do is find fault with the person blamed for our own resistance to them.

This happens in every moment where we perceive that someone is somehow stepping outside of the box and the box is what we have always known them to be,

Need them to be,

Expect them to be.

And the moment that they stop moving around inside the characters and qualities that we have habituated ourselves to expect from them,

The moment that changes,

What happens?

Suddenly,

They are no longer what we need them to be,

Require them to be in order for us to continue our given relationship.

And at that point,

If we're honest,

What do we do?

Surely you've seen this.

The minute someone steps outside the box,

Meaning in some way we perceive them as perpetrating a crime against the family.

If we're honest,

One way or another in that split second,

Through promises or some form of pressure,

We try to get them back in the box.

I want you back in the box.

Now,

We would never say that to somebody,

But that's because we don't recognize that we have relationships that are in little boxes,

Not exactly gift boxes.

Sometimes they are,

But as many times as not,

They're grief boxes and they're grief boxes because the moment someone's behavior steps outside of what we expect it to be so that we can be who we want to be and feel ourselves as being the best,

In that moment,

Boom,

We want to control their behavior.

We want to motivate them.

We want to give them suggestions how to be a better person,

I.

E.

How you must return to being what I need you to be so I can be who I've imagined myself to be.

And in that moment,

Though we don't see it because we're filled with resistance and the reality that it is telling us is taking place,

By trying to change the person's behavior,

We inhibit their growth.

I don't care how well-meaning it is.

Now,

I understand with children,

It is a requirement.

Children do not know,

And God helped those children because their parents don't either.

But the fact is,

The instant that some form of resistance sets us in motion into whatever the relationship is of the moment,

So that our view is that they are making some misstep on our toes,

And now we need to get them redirected,

In that moment,

We have stolen from them without them knowing it either the possibility of having room to bloom.

Can you see it at all?

God help us.

We need the others around us.

We need the situations we're in,

The office space we go to,

The rest.

Everywhere we are,

Without knowing it,

We walk into it carrying with us a little box of some kind into which everything has already been carefully measured and fit.

And if anything steps outside the parameters of that perception in that moment,

Then we have resistance to that person or that place.

Up comes the summary pain born of a negative reaction.

And just like that,

Everyone and everything is shoved back into not the box they belong to,

But the box that we have put them in and require them to remain.

Otherwise,

What happens?

We must shove them back.

And the minute that we get involved in any relationship with any human being,

And our relationship is predicated on some form of resistance,

We are in that moment producing something that we don't see,

Which is what?

That person has no room to grow,

Because all they can feel is the same thing we are feeling,

Which is resistance.

And resistance to the disturbance is the disturbance the more we resist,

The more they resist,

And on and on it goes,

Until neither of us realize this most critical of elements when it comes to these relationships.

And that is simply this.

Here's the main idea.

I'll go slow so we can all get it.

If we're ever going to change,

In quotes,

The moment of that relationship with anyone or anything around us,

We must work in a dedicated fashion to be as aware of our own reactions as we are of those that we are blaming our reaction on.

We must work to be as aware as possible of our own reactions as we are of the reactions that we are blaming that feeling on others.

This resistance,

This circle of resistance,

Cannot be broken by anything by anything other than the revelation of how it appears and continues to create itself.

So now let's look at how that's possible.

How would I ever even remotely think to myself,

You know what,

My mother,

My brother,

My father,

My wife,

She's filled with this irritation,

She's negative,

He's this,

He's that.

And all I'm aware of in that moment is what I don't want and don't like about him,

Her,

This or that.

That's all I know.

And my reaction is born of a resistance to a condition perceived as being a challenge to who and what I think I am in order to be happy.

So boom,

This disturbance we feel is,

Yes or no,

A relatively instant resistance to the offending person.

Let me ask you,

Do you see this?

The resistance,

The disturbance we feel in these moments is because there is a,

And it is,

It's virtually instant resistance to the offending person.

Do you see this?

Instant resistance to the offending person.

Do you see this?

Now listen,

And we then mistake this sensation generated by our own negative reaction as if that person or that condition is pushing against us.

Let's go back over it.

I want you to hear it.

The minute he,

She,

This or that disturbs me,

I feel resistance.

You know what it's like.

Something in us pushes,

Avoids,

Doesn't want.

And then because we are asleep,

Unconscious to the movement of our own qualities and characteristics to this conditioned reactions in that moment,

We feel as if,

Because of something in us pushing out,

We feel something's pushing in.

So we push back.

And as we push back,

What happens?

They push back and the psychological space of that relationship shrinks,

Cramped,

Less and less room for anything new to participate in it.

Look,

You see,

This is,

I wish that you had listened,

You had heard the talk from last week,

Natalie.

We want others to be responsible for our limitations.

Anger is my limitation,

Not yours.

Fear,

My limitation.

Impatience,

My limitation,

Not yours.

You,

As a special agent of the divine,

Trigger in me a revelation of this limitation and the triggering of the limitation that now the world is trying to find more and more ways,

Laws to govern that nobody does anything to trespass on our precious little limitations.

No limitation is precious,

Save for the way in which if we understand it,

We can be liberated from it and bloom.

So it's key to understand this person manifests a certain state.

It rubs against whatever it is that I want or expect or don't know what to do with.

If I don't know what to do with the reaction,

Is it your problem?

Or is my ignorance of the machinery that produces these negative reactions?

Is that the limitation?

And it is.

And by the way,

That machinery of limitation is inseparable from identification.

So that we can see the more identified we are,

The more limited we are,

The more limited we are,

The more resistant we are,

The more resistant we are,

The smaller grows our relationships,

Including the one that we have with ourself.

And when there's no room to bloom,

Everything dies.

We already understand to some extent that there's no action of ours,

No matter what it is,

That doesn't,

In the instant it is being expressed,

That doesn't manufacture a commensurate reward.

That principle is known as karma,

The law of cause and effect.

Now,

Try to understand that man or woman did not create this identification in me,

Let alone my resistance to anything they say or do that challenges the image I have of myself.

And yet,

Out of that identification,

Out of that unconscious nature,

Instantaneous resistance,

Is that not a force?

So here comes this reaction.

We think that we have a force.

We think that we have a force.

So here comes this reaction.

We think it's an action,

But it's not.

It is a reaction.

And that reaction under law generates another opposing force.

Because to the other person,

Our reaction they see as an action,

And they're caught up in it.

The point being that this truth,

If we can see it,

Tells us that we must allow others to make the choices they will.

Now,

This is challenging for us in a thousand different ways,

And I haven't time to go into it here.

Everything that I am saying and doing,

All of these manifestations,

Every tone,

Every last part of it is a kind of a choice.

Something is choosing,

Is it not?

The question is,

What's choosing?

And certainly we can see that if we're not aware of what is moving us,

Moving our mouth,

Opening it and shutting it and spewing whatever it spews towards those who make us suffer,

Something's choosing all that.

Something is choosing,

In quotes,

To be the instrument of this resistance.

And where you have resistance,

You have built into it the insistence that whatever has set it off not be what it is.

And the more we insist that others aren't what they are choosing without knowing it so much to understand,

How else will they ever get to see the effects of their own choices?

How would a person even begin to suspect?

Maybe there's something going on in my character,

Some quality,

Some limitation I don't suspect.

What if that's true?

What if the reason I have problems with every human being I meet isn't because every human being I meet's a problem?

Although we are walking problems.

We should have sweatshirts and give space,

Walking problem.

But it's okay because it is through the discovery,

The revelations of these limitations,

That they are released and that what was held captive blooms.

The fulfillment of that imbalanced,

Incomplete character of that consciousness,

Suddenly it has room.

And when that man or woman in our life,

Whatever it may be,

Is given that room,

Then they are no longer fighting with our reaction.

They're allowed to see the quality and characteristics of their own limitations.

So you create,

You give them room to grow.

And you give them room to grow through entering into this larger room of being present and aware of yourself so that you understand without having to take thought at all.

Before it's possible for me to give my husband,

My wife,

My friends or family the space that they need to grow.

And I trust we can see that.

Because without the space they need to grow,

That which is created in them intended to bloom,

It's not going to do it.

No room,

No bloom.

But I can't possibly give others the space they need.

And here we make a pivotal point.

I can't give others the room they need to bloom unless what?

Unless I have it within myself.

So a person who gets fired time and time again is someone who has not been given room to grow.

A different way to look at a CV.

Well,

Tony,

In a way,

I see you're mixing worlds,

Tony,

Here.

If a person can't do the job they're hired for,

It's obvious that they have come into that job espousing a possibility that they do not have the power to express.

And they are limited in that job.

That job and the requirements of whatever that system may be,

Needs the parts to move fluidly.

And you can't have someone that can't participate in that as a part of that movement.

So they have to be replaced.

But I'm talking about firing your friend.

Now,

The truth is,

You have a friend and you do give them the room to grow.

You do say,

You know what?

I'd like to talk to you about this reaction that you have.

I understand I'm not spotless,

But can we look at this together so that in a new awareness of this relationship,

A new awareness of ourselves.

Instead of seeing the mote in the eye of the other person,

I start to see there's a beam in my own.

Then I can begin to have a new kind of relationship that begins with,

And this is key,

God,

If you could just see this,

Why is every consideration that I have about some pain or suffering that I experienced connected to another human being?

When I summarily refuse to realize that I wouldn't have that problem.

I'm talking about socially,

Familially.

I wouldn't have that problem if there weren't something in me that was trying to push them into some shape or form.

That if I could just get them there,

Then I would be free of the pain.

I blame them.

I blame on them.

And I'm so quick to blame,

To find fault.

Because I have no room in myself.

I can't give another room to bloom unless I myself are participating in the whole of that movement.

And I can't participate in the natural blooming of what is divinely qualified characters,

Elements.

None of that can bloom as long as I meet not just others with this summary resistance,

Because something,

What they're doing or what they are challenges what I'm identified with.

I resist anything that challenges what I'm identified with.

It's just built into my perception.

It's built into this unconscious relationship I have with an unconscious nature that says it understands how you're supposed to be.

We never suspect that the split second in which we have this resistance,

Not just to others,

But to our own reactions.

We never suspected in the moment when we judge another human being or judge ourselves,

That in that moment of judgment,

Everything is crushed.

Judgment has no room in it,

Other than the sentence that we're about to lay down on that person,

Let alone room for us to grow when we judge ourselves,

Because we're standing on top of ourselves,

Crushing any possible experience outside of what that judgment tells us is wrong.

And then the summary resistance,

Fight or flight,

And we're locked into that little prison of perceptions that feel so real because of how small they make us.

But if we can,

And to the point of this talk,

Start to realize,

Look,

This reaction,

This is self-limiting.

The minute that I can split,

How do I say,

The minute that I can be aware of what is acting in myself,

Then that awareness of what is acting in myself grants a certain amount of room to see that self,

To see that self,

To see the quality of that negativity,

To taste the conflict and the impatience,

So that suddenly there is room for a new understanding.

There's room for a new way to look at the same thing I've been looking at all my life and arriving at the same conclusions.

So I start to see that the conclusion is part of an illusion produced by an unconscious nature that requires everyone and everything,

Including itself,

Fit into a little space.

The enemy is anything that wants to come into this condition I call myself,

That isn't part of what that self-conditioning says should be in there.

Think about it,

Because we get to a point here.

Is frustration with someone else or with yourself,

Does that give you room to grow or by its nature,

Does it create a space in which there is only the heat,

The regrets of whatever may have caused it?

Is there room to grow in frustration?

Can anyone that you are frustrated with and that you express that to,

Can they grow or do they meet your frustration with frustration?

You know the answer.

What about being angry with ourselves?

Impatient with myself?

I mean,

I'm asking you just to see it.

I'm not telling you to believe this.

Look at this.

One of,

And we all have relatively summary,

Very predictable,

Painful reactions born of resistance,

Impatience,

Boom,

Like that.

Tension like that.

Is there room to grow in tension?

That's silly,

Isn't it?

What's tension?

Take your hands,

Take your hands,

Put them together,

Squeeze,

And then squeeze harder.

Is there room to grow in these opposites that are pushing on each other like this?

But there is room,

Isn't there?

The minute that we see that somehow or other we have been made complicit in the continuity of an unconscious nature that thinks it's liberating itself by imprisoning itself with these limitations.

There's no room to grow.

There's no room to bloom.

Do you ever sit and anxiously plan things?

I'll never,

That's the,

I mean,

Something,

Imagine a person and something happens,

Somebody did this,

They didn't do that.

You're going,

Whatever,

Plan,

Plan,

Plan,

Plan,

Plan.

And the more you plan like that outside of practical things,

And there's nothing practical in any negative state,

The more you plan,

The smaller your world gets.

And by the way,

Not only the smaller your world gets,

But the more imprisoned you will be by anything that then comes along and challenges the plan that you're identified with.

Are you able to see this?

If I let a sudden flood of fear come in,

And it does,

Because anytime anything threatens my little box,

This very organized sense of self that knows where everything should,

The minute that comes in,

What happens to me when a fear comes in?

Am I blooming?

Or is my world getting smaller and smaller the more I resist the very condition that wouldn't exist if it weren't for the consciousness that had become identified with it?

And certainly there's no room of any kind to grow in judging ourselves.

And I'll just add for some of you,

And there's no room to grow in revisiting the past and hoping that you'll find a space somehow in that memory to relieve you of the misery of reliving something that you don't have to relive,

Other than the hopes in reliving it,

You'll escape it.

I mean,

You just have to see it.

So as we come to a close here,

We mustn't try to make room to bloom.

We mustn't try to make room to bloom.

Does the rose that grows in the garden have to try to make room to bloom?

Or is its very environment,

Assuming it's healthy,

Does not that very environment create the room that flower needs to bloom?

This is one of the greatest secrets in the world.

I haven't time to go into it now.

Everything is already created with the space,

The understanding it needs to grow into.

It's already there.

That's why Native Americans said we are the ones we're waiting for.

Within us is that perpetual,

Timeless bud that is intended to perpetually blossom and give rise in that individual to the recognition that it's possible to continually transcend their own resistance.

But we transcend this constant resistance not by trying to not be resistant,

By being tolerant.

No,

We transcend our own resistance by seeing with the greatest clarity that's possible for us that nothing can grow in its atmosphere.

We must just do our best to see how when negative reactions come in.

I'm asking you,

Can you see that when you are filled with a negative reaction,

What else is there?

What else is in me when I'm negative?

Nothing.

There's just a body of energy produced by an unconscious conflict that is blamed on the condition and not the nature that demands that circumstance complete itself as imagined.

So we mustn't try to make room to bloom.

Rather,

We must just work to be as aware as we can of what it is like,

What is the experience of this existing room as it's filled with these negative states.

And if we're honest at all,

You'll have a completely new experience,

Which means something will have bloomed.

And what you'll have,

You know what?

This negativity that I blame on you is stealing my life.

It's actually taking my life by the way it is.

It's actually being taken to serve a purpose beyond the ken of this existing mind to feed something else.

But the very food that feeds what grows in a dark state,

In a dark place for a dark purpose can turn around and become something that feeds you.

This is something we're going to go into great depth over the talks in the pints this upcoming week.

And as you see that something is actually crushing you,

Cramping you,

Taking the life out of you,

What do you think happens when you see that?

This is the miracle.

You don't need to be strong.

You just see it as clearly as you can and you won't want anything to do with those reactions.

You're not going to stop them.

You can't stop them.

You can't stop them.

Anyway,

You've been trying.

The more you try to stop her,

Like holding a basketball underwater,

You can't stop it,

But you can see it and you can use its appearance to free yourself from being used for the sake of not creating new space,

Room to bloom,

But instead of being caught in a constant war.

So while these states may not dissipate as quickly as they flooded into you,

These negative states must depart as you withdraw your attention from them and you withdraw your attention.

Why?

Because you understand not only is this not I,

But now I see even though I always thought it was me and I had to have these reactions to make sure I was in charge of everything.

Now I realize,

You know what?

I've been a captive of what I thought I was in charge of.

I want nothing to do with it.

And you will begin this process of seeing with greater and greater clarity the unseen captivity that you were a part and parcel with,

And that begins to dissipate and dissipate and dissipate.

And before you know it,

When you're with others,

You are not made miserable by their missteps,

But you use their missteps to discover the limitation in yourself that says they must walk the way I want them to walk.

And the more the whole of this process unfolds,

And it will,

Once given the light and the room to grow,

Put into the spiritual ground of the soul where it will receive the nourishment it's meant to,

Not only will your relationships bloom,

But they will bloom because you are growing.

And as you grow,

There's room for everybody else.

And as there's room for everybody else,

Everybody else has the chance to see where they too have been,

Without knowing it,

A captive of their own unconditioned reactions.

Room to bloom.

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