Hi,
I'm Gretchen Rubin,
A New York Times bestselling author and co-host of the Happier with Gretchen Rubin podcast.
With a relentless curiosity for human nature,
I help people live happier,
Healthier,
More productive and more creative lives.
I believe that when we know ourselves and what works for us,
We can change our habits and our lives.
I am a big fan of any reminder to stop,
Reflect,
And consider what changes could make us happier.
Whether that prompt comes from a milestone birthday,
An important anniversary,
A move,
A new job,
Or anything else.
One important part of this type of reflection is celebrating the progress you have made.
This can be a tremendous source of energy and reassurance for continuing.
At the same time,
It's also important that we consider the opposite.
Determining what's not working is also useful information and can be a helpful part of the process.
Why?
Because it can nudge you to reframe and reorient,
And then move forward with more useful approaches.
When it comes to happiness,
A challenge that has come up again and again in my research is the notion of drift.
Drift is a term I use to refer to the decision you make by not deciding,
Or by making a decision that unleashes consequences for which you don't take responsibility.
Maybe you go to medical school because both your parents are doctors,
Or you take a job because someone offers you that job.
Or maybe you get married because all your friends are getting married,
Or you move to the suburbs because everyone your age is moving to the suburbs.
I drifted into law school.
I didn't know what else I wanted to do.
It seemed like a legitimate,
Useful way to get more education.
It would keep my options open.
I didn't really think much about the decision.
As it turns out,
I'm very glad I went to law school.
Drift sometimes does lead to a happy result,
Which contributes to its dangerous appeal.
But I didn't approach law school mindfully.
One reason I eventually left law was that I was haunted by the feeling that I was on a tangent,
Off-center.
I can't describe it any other way.
There I was,
Clerking for Supreme Court Justice Andrew Day O'Connor,
And I was haunted by a feeling that it was all a digression.
From what?
To what?
That's what I had to figure out.
Drift can show up in our work lives,
Our personal lives,
And beyond.
In fact,
It's come up so much in my study of happiness that it's inspired one of my secrets of adulthood.
Decisions will be made by choice or by chance,
Because not deciding is a decision.
Not choosing is a choice.
To help you identify whether you might be experiencing drift in some aspect of your life,
I'm now going to guide you through a series of reflective prompts for you to consider.
After each prompt,
I'll offer some quiet space for you to ponder and take note of your reflections.
If you don't have them handy,
You might want to grab a pen and paper so you can write things down.
Let's begin.
Consider your personal life,
Your work life,
And relationships.
Do you feel like other people or processes are moving events forward,
And you're just passively carried along?
Are there any actions you've justified by assuring yourself,
I might as well.
It can't hurt.
This might be useful.
This will keep my options open.
I can always decide later.
I can always change my mind.
Nothing is forever.
How bad can it be?
Do you find that you get very angry if someone challenges the values that you believe you're working toward?
For example,
Maybe you're working very hard as a fifth-year associate at a law firm,
And when someone argues that money and security aren't important,
You feel furious.
Are you complaining about a particular situation,
But not spending much time trying to figure out ways to make it better?
In fact,
Maybe you fantasize that some upheaval will blow up your situation.
Now think about how many of these prompts felt applicable to you.
The more you found yourself agreeing with,
The greater your chances of being adrift.
So the question becomes,
Now what?
To end drift,
We must recognize that we're drifting.
It can be painful to contemplate,
But valuable.
If this mid-year check-in has prompted you to reflect on your life,
Your values,
And your interests,
Take advantage of the moment to think about what steps would help you to create the life you want.
If you are drifting,
Take a moment as we close out this exercise and try to identify one action you can take today,
No matter how small,
That can help you move in the right direction.
If you didn't agree with many of these prompts,
Great!
You might consider returning to this reflective exercise once or even twice a year.
It's a good way to remind ourselves that decisions will be made that will affect our lives by choosing to drift.
Either by choice or by chance.
Onward!
