What's Determining Your Happiness?

Are you unconsciously driven by your preferences? Is consistent judging of what you cannot control robbing you of your happiness? Most people assume not, but today I explain how it might be happening and having a dramatic impact on your happiness without you knowing it.

Transcript

Welcome to Life Lessons and Laughter with your host,

Glenn Ambrose.

Hey,

Everybody.

Welcome to the show.

Just the camera here a little bit.

So,

Yeah,

Today,

I just kind of wanted to talk to you guys a little bit about it's basically an unconscious behavior that really most people do,

And it's really good to become aware of it.

So you can start,

You know,

One,

Understanding some of the upsets that we experience in life and some of the happinesses,

Too,

And understand why were a lot of people get knocked around by this.

And,

You know,

The the spiritual law or the rule that I've tried to follow over the years is that your circumstances cannot dictate your happiness.

I'm sure I've done a podcast on that.

So it's that's kind of the rule I've followed.

So if,

You know,

If the way your circumstances are dictate your happiness,

Then you're going to live on an emotional roller coaster because we live in an ever changing reality.

So things are constantly going to be changing.

So,

I mean,

In my opinion,

That's no way to go through life.

So this is basically a version of that different way of coming at it,

I guess.

So it's it's understanding that most people's happiness is is based on their preferences,

Like what they want to happen and what they don't want to happen.

You know,

And this is an extension of of judgments just going through life,

Constantly judging everything.

You know,

Most people are constantly judging everything that happens as good or bad.

I'm stuck in traffic.

Bad.

Raining.

Bad.

Long day at work.

Bad.

Boss not nice.

Bad.

Friend had to cancel plans.

Bad.

Husband in bad mood.

Bad.

Like,

You know,

And they do the same things with good to,

You know,

Sunny day.

Good.

Got out of work early.

Good.

You know,

Have dinner plans.

Good.

Oh,

I actually like the food in front of me.

Good.

So,

Like,

If we're living like that,

It's constantly dictated by something other than us.

And we don't even realize we're doing it,

You know,

And it's.

It really,

You know,

We either are in the habit of judging things or we're not.

So when we're judging things all the time,

As good or bad,

We judge people all the time.

We judge circumstances.

We judge situations.

And we don't even stop for a moment to think that we don't have the information necessary to judge most things.

You know,

Like,

I mean,

I can certainly be extremely critical of the government.

Well,

You know,

For example.

But if you pay attention closely to the messages that I'm being critical of the government,

It's stuff that,

For the most part,

Has so much evidence.

It's just absurd.

It's almost like I'm confident in knowing it.

Whereas a lot of times it's the current events.

I don't pretend that I know everything going on about current events because most people don't.

We're not given the information through the media or from the government to actually know what's going on behind the scenes.

Like,

You know,

When we're at war,

We have no idea why we're at war.

They sure as hell aren't going to tell us.

So it's like because it's usually profit motivated.

And,

You know,

It's just countless evidence of this.

I mean,

We found this to be true in basically every war that we've been to.

We found evidence that this is true.

And then also all we have to do is look around and go,

OK,

Where are we not at war?

Like,

You know,

Like I try to look at both sides of things.

You know,

Why are we at war?

OK,

Well,

Why are we not at war and other places like other places around the world that are basically doing the same things as the place that we're at war with?

You know,

There's similar things going on at different locations around the world.

Why are we at war with one but not at another?

And if you look that there is nothing to for the government to gain financially out of the places that they're not at war with.

There's no financial gain.

That's why they're not there.

You know,

They run around going,

We're standing for democracy around the world and all this stuff.

It's like,

Well,

But only in countries that you can gain financial gain out of,

Not in the poor countries.

That's interesting.

You know,

So this is what I mean.

Like,

I mean,

When there's just mountains and mountains and mountains and mountains of evidence and it looks like a duck,

It quacks like a duck.

It's got webbed feet like a duck.

It's got a bill like a duck.

It's probably a duck.

You know,

But in most situations,

We don't like we don't know specifically like why we're at war.

So so I mean,

You know,

Do I do I think that the government's lying?

Yeah.

Do I think that I know why they're actually at war?

No,

I don't.

I don't pretend to know that.

So I'm not I'm not judging a specific situation without the evidence.

What I'm doing is I'm judging or assessing.

I like to say assessing as opposed to judging when I'm making assessments,

You know,

Because I'm it's I'm not judgment is good or bad.

Assessment is.

Do I think this is happening or do I not think this is happening?

We have to assess things through our lives all the time,

But we don't have to label them as good or bad.

I did a podcast as well.

So so it's assessing things is do I feel that I'm being told the truth by people that are proven to lie?

No,

Probably not.

So I don't trust them.

That is an assessment saying I know why the government is doing what they're doing specifically in a specific situation.

And I'm labeling that as bad.

That's a judgment.

OK,

Because one,

I'm saying what they're doing is bad.

And it's assuming that I have all the information,

Which I don't,

You know,

Because they will not share most of the information.

So so so this is the difference.

OK,

So,

You know,

When we're in the habit of judging everything,

We do it unconsciously.

We do it rapid fire and we do it across the board.

So we're judging ourselves all the time.

Whenever we fall short in any area,

We are judging ourselves unconsciously.

We're judging other people,

Which actually bleeds onto us a lot,

Because whatever standard we set with other people,

Like like let's say.

You judge people all the time for for driving not perfectly,

Which is a thing in the United States that I found now that I'm in a different country.

If somebody just touches a middle line or something,

It's like,

Oh,

My God,

Is this person drunk?

It would judge so quickly.

So like when when people like if so,

If you're judging people while driving a lot.

Right.

And as soon as they touch a line or or slow down a little bit and then speed up a little bit like we judge other people and we don't have the information to judge them.

We don't know what's going on inside of their mind.

Like they obviously know they probably weren't paying 100 percent attention to their driving when they did whatever foolish thing that you're judging them for.

But do you see that's the part that we don't see.

We we spit out these judgments at other people.

And what we're doing is we're laying a groundwork of judgments against ourselves.

Because now we can't do what the other people did.

If we go to change the radio station and we touch the white line and we judge somebody else the day before for touching a white line,

Then we unconsciously we think we're an idiot.

So we either have to rationalize our behavior away,

Which brings us further away from being able to be honest with ourselves.

We just dismiss what we did wrong and pretend that it's OK for us and it's not OK for other people.

That's rationalizing.

Or unconsciously,

We feel like crap about ourselves.

And this is all on an unconscious level.

We don't know we're doing it.

And it's you know,

I saw myself doing it after I woke up.

And it's like all of a sudden I'm bringing consciousness to things and I'm judging other people.

And then all of a sudden I stop judging other people.

I just won't allow myself to do it.

And I start feeling better about myself.

And I'm like,

Why do I feel better about myself if I'm not judging other people?

And that's when I when I dove in,

I realized that when I'm judging other people,

I'm setting a standard for myself.

And whenever I don't live up to that standard unconsciously,

I'm like,

You're an idiot to go on.

You did the same thing that other person did.

And then I feel worse about myself.

So when I stopped doing that,

I started feeling better about myself.

OK,

So judgment is judgment and it's on an unconscious level.

It's just it's just happening.

You know,

This is why one of the reasons meditation is so important.

It's because it just stops your brain from incessantly running all the time.

And then you can be in little bits of control of it,

You know,

Throughout your day here and there.

And you can you can tell it to stop running sometimes.

You know,

It's like you have a narrator in your head all the time.

And it's like,

Oh,

This person drives like a moron.

Oh,

But I'm OK because blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Rationalization.

And then,

Oh,

I hate this.

Oh,

Another red traffic light.

Are you kidding me?

Why do I always hit all the red traffic lights?

Oh,

My God.

And this person in front of me is driving so slow.

Oh,

My God.

Like this is narrate like you're already aware of what's happening.

You don't need that voice narrating everything that you're experiencing in a judgmental way and labeling it.

This person is a moron.

I'm bad.

You know,

I have bad luck because I hit all the red lights.

It's like it's judging every little thing.

And it's judging it as good or bad or whether you like it or whether you don't like it constantly.

So this is what we need to try getting away from.

Because if we can chill out on the judgment of every little thing that's going on through our lives and realize that really what we're doing is we're just it doesn't matter.

Like everything that I just said doesn't matter.

Why?

Because we don't have any control over it.

That's why.

Like it's just preferences.

It's really all it is is preferences.

It's like so I've got this blue speaker in my hand.

Right.

So like,

Oh,

I like blue.

Oh,

Well,

No,

I should have gotten green.

Who cares?

It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter.

If you want to get a green one,

Then get a green one.

If you want a blue one,

Get a blue one.

That's fine.

But all it is is a preference.

It doesn't make the speaker better.

It's not going to affect your life.

It's just simply a preference.

That's it.

It's just a preference.

So understand that it doesn't really matter.

Okay.

And most things in life are like that.

It doesn't really matter.

So why do we have to label it as good or bad all the time?

Because as we do that,

It's affecting our happiness.

Because every time we label something as bad,

It's not my preference.

But blue is better.

You know,

It's how you do.

This is how it happens on an unconscious level.

It's like blue is better.

And then all of a sudden we feel negativity.

Like literally negative energy will go through you when you do things like that.

Like I could feel it just doing that.

Blue is better.

Like who would get green?

I mean,

Blue is definitely better.

It's just a preference.

The person who likes green would get green.

Like who cares?

It doesn't matter.

Right?

But we're flushing this toxic energy inside of ourselves.

And it's happening all the time.

And it dictates our happiness.

Ugh.

Ugh.

Like I don't like that color.

Like if you actually take that on and feel the energy you're flushing through your body,

You're flushing negative energy through.

So what that does is it robs you of happiness in that moment.

Why?

For a preference over a color?

That's why you're losing your happiness?

Right?

And that's on a tiny,

Small level.

Right?

And then we do it in bigger things.

Oh,

My God.

We're five minutes late for work.

Nobody's going to remember that next month.

And it's the levels of stress that we put up.

And then we start rationalizing.

Oh,

My God.

This traffic is ridiculous.

I can't believe this road construction that's going on.

This is so stupid.

And they should have it finished by now.

And this is ridiculous.

Now I'm going to be five minutes late for work.

Like,

Whoa,

Man.

It's just a preference.

You would rather not be five minutes late from work.

For work.

I get it.

I would rather not be five minutes late for work either.

But I'm not going to let it dictate my happiness.

I'm not going to let it knock me off center and act like it actually matters.

It doesn't.

So everything is like this.

We have to understand that we can't have our preferences determine our happiness.

We can't sit there and be like,

Okay,

This is in alignment with what a perfect life would be.

A perfect life would consist of like,

You know,

Tony Robbins did a thing on this at one point years ago,

Too.

He calls it your rule for happiness,

Basically.

So it's just his take on what I'm talking about.

And he says,

You know,

We all have rules for happiness,

And we don't even know that we have them.

We've set them in place,

And we don't even know we have them.

So it's like a lot of people on an unconscious level,

You know,

Like I said,

This is just a different way of coming at the same thing I'm talking about.

People think that everything has to go right for them to have a good day,

And they don't even know that they think it.

So really,

A lot of people,

For them to have a good day,

They're so attached to every piece of their day going the way they prefer it to that they set themselves up for failure of having a good day.

So what happens is basically,

You know,

You have to get up on time and not be groggy,

Have a great shower,

Dry yourself off,

Get up,

Have a good breakfast,

Drive to work with no traffic,

Go to work,

Have a great day,

No weird comments from coworkers or a boss,

Everything goes smoothly,

Hit the gym,

Great workout,

Friendly people go home,

Have a wonderful dinner,

Families,

Everybody's doing wonderful,

The kids' homework is done,

Wonderful sitcom on TV,

And then you go to bed and you fall right asleep.

And if any of that doesn't go that way,

Most people rob themselves of happiness during those periods because unconsciously they're just looking for things to go their way.

They're looking for their preferences to appear in their lives magically,

Preferences that they have no control over,

Most of them.

And when they don't go their way,

Then they're upset,

So they're robbed of their happiness.

Whereas if,

Like Tony Robbins' example,

To finish up with that,

He was saying that if your rule for happiness is,

I want to do my best today,

That's it.

You let go of all your other preferences and you just do your best.

You're going to have tons of great days if that's your rule for what a great day is,

Your rule for happiness.

If you have all those other things that you're checking off as your day goes on,

You're never going to have a good day because it's very rare for all of those things to go perfectly.

So we have to let go of these preferences and understand that it's just unconscious mental energy just going and going and going,

And it's really robbing us of our peace.

It's fine to have preferences,

But we can't control life.

There's a flow to life.

Things are going to happen and things are not going to happen,

And some of them we're going to like and some of them we're not going to like.

Why should that dictate whether we're happy or not?

Take a step way back.

This is how I gain perspective.

Take a step way back from your personal life and your preferences and just talk in generalities.

Nobody's life in particular.

Can we all agree that sometimes things you want to happen,

Happen in life,

And sometimes things that you don't want to happen,

Happen?

Sometimes your preferences play out in your life and sometimes they don't.

Most of this stuff doesn't affect you long term.

It just doesn't.

When you get upset over the Dunkin' Donuts being out of caramel flavoring,

A couple days later they have it again.

Who cares?

This stuff that bothers us on a consistent daily basis,

And like I said,

It robs us of our happiness.

It's not about the caramel flavoring.

I actually did this once.

This is probably why the example came up.

I grew up in Massachusetts.

Dunkin' Donuts is an institution in the Northeast.

Then they finally started getting them in Florida.

I get all excited.

The one nearest where I lived was horrible.

They just had horrible management.

They never had anything.

Most often it was the stuff that most people had,

So they just couldn't figure out how to reorder.

It's like I really let it bother me once or twice.

I actually really let it bother me.

Then I look back on it and it's like,

Really,

Glenn?

What I was telling myself to show us that we all do this and stuff,

I was saying,

Oh,

It's not about the caramel coffee.

I wouldn't let myself think that because that's stupid.

I was like,

No,

It's about the management.

It's about all of Dunkin' Donuts as an institution.

They did so well in the Northeast,

And now they're allowing their good name to be trampled by poor business practices.

Why can't they monitor stuff like this?

Why wouldn't they fire this manager and get somebody else in there that could actually do the job?

I made it about something else so that I could justify myself being upset.

At the end of the day,

It's a freaking caramel coffee,

Man.

Who cares?

Once I stopped and realized that it was just a preference that didn't go my way,

Who cares?

What if I say I should care?

Look at both sides.

I always try to look at both sides.

What if I should walk around and allow my preferences to upset me when they don't go my way?

I have that right.

Why shouldn't I walk around like that?

Well,

Because it robs you of your happiness.

That's why.

Simple as that.

It doesn't fix anything.

Before I rationalize why I should be able to do something,

I want to find out why it benefits me.

I look at it and I go,

Okay,

Well,

If I rationalize this and say I have the right to get upset.

Yeah,

I do have the right to get upset.

How does getting upset benefit my life?

It doesn't.

It doesn't benefit my life.

I don't get more caramel coffees if I get upset.

Nothing gets fixed when I get irritated.

In fact,

It usually goes worse because I don't bite my tongue well.

Then if I do go to address something,

I'm irritated and it doesn't come out too nice,

Which is not usually the best way to deal with things.

Now,

I can still speak.

Okay,

I just saw another way to come at this,

Too.

We can just see it from a lot of different angles,

So it'll sink in for different people.

Like Tole was talking about complaining versus,

I don't know.

I'll call it fixing or addressing a situation.

He uses soup that's supposed to be hot in a restaurant.

They bring you cold soup.

Now,

One person is going to complain about it and they're going to go,

Why is the soup cold?

This is ridiculous.

It shouldn't be cold.

What kind of chef would put out cold soup?

This is ridiculous.

They'll probably complain like that to the waitress or whatever.

Now,

They might get hot soup back.

They might not.

They might get hot soup spit in by the waitress or the chef,

But whether they get hot soup back or not has nothing to do with their attitude,

With them judging it as bad and complaining about it.

The other way to handle it would to not get upset about it and just address the situation at hand.

The soup is supposed to be hot,

But it's cold.

So you just call the waitress over and you say,

Excuse me,

The soup is supposed to be hot,

But it's actually cold.

Is there any way I could get a hot one?

Yes.

Okay,

So now that addresses it.

You have a better chance of getting your hot soup and not spit in.

I added the spitting in part.

Totally didn't talk about that.

But you have a better chance of fixing or addressing your situation and getting it corrected in those situations that are correctable,

Which a lot of them aren't,

If you're not irritated because it doesn't meet your preference.

If you just address it factually,

That's fine.

You can want hot soup when it's supposed to be hot and it's actually cold.

That's fine.

It's not that we throw all our preferences or what we like out of the window.

That's not what I'm talking about.

It's not judging it as good or bad.

See,

That's the situation with the soup.

They didn't say the first situation was complaining.

This is bad.

It shouldn't have happened.

Somebody is an idiot.

That's judging as bad.

Whereas just addressing the situation is just I'm not blaming anybody.

I'm not saying it's anybody's fault.

I would just like it hot.

That's all.

So we can still address things like that.

It's just not letting it rob us of our happiness.

That's the point.

We need to have this baseline of happiness.

And that's often what I talk about.

For me,

That's really spirituality.

We have to be at a level of acceptance about the reality of life.

And walking around judging everything and having it affect your mood is not looking at life realistically.

That's not grounded.

That's not down to earth.

That is not.

This is one of the things.

I always say people say spirituality is woo-woo and social.

What society deems as normal is grounded and down to earth.

And it's not.

Because most people in society walk around thinking unconsciously.

They're not aware that they're thinking this.

But they think they're in control of reality.

And that they can determine things.

And it's their right.

And they think there's a benefit to judging things all the time.

And there simply isn't.

There isn't when you really look at it.

The spiritual perspective is more grounded.

When you look at reality and you go,

I live in an ever-changing reality.

Things are constantly changing.

I have no control over whether a chef gives me hot soup or cold soup.

I have no control over all kinds of things that are happening around me.

And to pretend that I do or to pretend that my preferences matter is unrealistic.

Your preferences don't matter in 90% of situations.

Because you're not going to affect reality.

You're not going to change reality.

If this is a blue speaker,

No matter how much I want it to be green,

Throw a fit,

It's not going to change to green.

Okay?

So that's not dealing with reality.

And it's robbing yourself of happiness for zero reason.

There's zero benefit out of it.

And that's supposed to be reality.

It's what most people would call reality.

That's how we walk around life,

Interacting with life,

Getting knocked around.

When something happens we like,

We experience happiness.

When something happens we don't like,

We experience anger and frustration.

It's like,

Why would you?

If you're looking at life realistically,

And you know that there's constantly going to be things happening,

Some that you like and some that you don't.

Constantly.

Boom,

Boom,

Boom,

Boom.

And you are trying to design a way of life that actually was enjoyable.

Why would you choose to be on an emotional roller coaster that is determined by external circumstances that you have no control over?

Why would you consciously choose that?

You wouldn't.

Because it doesn't make any sense.

It's unconsciously chosen.

So we want to bring consciousness into this situation.

We want to bring reality into the way you live life.

And go,

Okay,

So if we're in an ever-changing reality and stuff happens all the time,

Circumstances that I'm not in control of,

Maybe I should be in control of my happiness instead of handing that power over to a myriad of external forces.

What if I just had a baseline of connection,

Of peace,

Of calm,

That I developed through whatever,

Prayer,

Meditation,

Or maybe just shifting your thinking,

Depending on your belief systems and who you are.

Just shifting your thinking to be more realistic and go,

Well,

If I let just random stuff determine whether I'm happy or not all the time,

Especially things that most of these don't even affect me,

I'm on an emotional roller coaster for no apparent reason.

So if I just have a baseline of happiness and go like,

Hey,

Life goes on.

This too shall pass.

Everything works out.

Eventually that type of mentality,

Which is true,

Everything this too shall pass is true because we live in an ever-changing reality.

So everything changes in this reality.

So latching onto a belief system like that and going like things work out,

Yes,

Things do work out as long as your eyes are open.

The only people that I see suffering from things for,

I don't know,

10,

20,

30,

40 years are people who are stuck and they're not doing what it takes to change their situation.

They just keep reinforcing it.

Oh,

Well,

I can't do anything about this.

This is just how it is.

Yeah,

If that's the way you want to look at it,

That's exactly what you're going to get.

I was an alcoholic for 20 years.

It wasn't because I was like,

Oh,

I could just change my life anytime I want.

I'm just choosing not to.

No,

That wasn't happening.

I believed I couldn't change my life.

I believed all kinds of unrealistic stuff that I rationalized as society told me was normal.

So come back into reality,

Consciously choose how you want to go through life and choose a perspective that works with the reality that you're in.

We can all understand our reality.

It's not rocket science.

Myriad of circumstances happening outside of our control,

Constantly changing,

Ebbing,

Flowing.

There's a flow to life.

Yeah,

Okay.

Leave it general like that.

Okay,

What type of mindset would give you more of a baseline?

You're still going to fluctuate.

We're not trying to get rid of all your emotions.

It's okay to be frustrated and angry and happy and joyful and sad.

We can experience all that stuff to some level,

But you want a baseline of happiness underneath it where you know that everything's going to work out and it's okay.

And then you can experience some of those emotions on top without getting knocked off center.

We're not trying to turn ourselves into a fricking cyborg or something that doesn't feel anything.

Of course,

We're still going to feel everything,

But we're just not going to get knocked off center and it's not going to be every little thing that happens throughout our life.

So that's pretty much what I wanted to cover.

It's if,

You know,

Stop judging,

Start latching on to the reality that things are going to happen that you like and things that are going to happen that you don't like,

And it's really not that big of a deal,

And it's not worth getting upset over,

And this too shall pass,

And we can just start anchoring into that baseline of peace,

Contentment,

Happiness underneath and just,

Okay,

I didn't like that.

That's all right.

Sometimes things are going to happen that I don't like.

Start practicing adjusting those thoughts,

Reframing that.

Oh,

My God,

This person's an idiot.

Oh,

Wait,

Sometimes people do things that I don't agree with.

I don't really know what's going on,

But that mental outlook doesn't make me feel good.

That's really what it comes down to.

It's just picking a mental outlook that makes you feel better,

And,

You know,

This is something I've always found interesting.

Like before,

And sometimes depending on who I'm working with,

I'll tell people,

Like,

Listen,

Just pick what feels better to you because you don't know the truth anyway,

So why pick a truth that makes you suffer?

All right,

So let's say there is no good.

There is no bad.

There is no nothing,

But you walking around judging everything as bad all the time makes you miserable.

Why don't you just walk around judging everything as good all the time?

Just what the hell?

There's no truth in either one.

You can't prove to me everything's bad.

I can't prove to you everything's good,

So why don't you just pick the good?

Just because it's going to make you happier.

Not that there's even any truth to it.

There's no good or there's no bad.

There just is.

Why don't you just kind of lean in the direction of good?

Yeah,

But your happiness quotient in life will triple,

You know,

Just doing that.

So,

Like,

After explaining that a few times and,

Of course,

You know,

Monitoring my own life and seeing things,

I realized that I don't,

Personally,

I don't believe that to be true.

I believe that there is a way that makes more sense and a way that makes less sense.

And what's interesting is whenever I'm in a negative head space or playing like I'm in a negative head space to explain something,

A lot of it doesn't make much sense,

You know?

So it's like,

Oh,

That chef that gave the cold soup was looking out the window and said,

Hey,

That person at table number five looks like a moron.

I'm gonna leave this soup out over here and let it get cold and I'm gonna give everybody else hot soup and then I'm gonna delay it and then when the waitress comes or the waiter comes,

I'm gonna have them grab the cold soup and bring it to table number five because the person that I looked through the window and thought they were a moron,

They'll get the cold soup and screw them,

That's why.

That doesn't make sense.

Right?

Who would go through all that for no reason?

It just doesn't make sense.

But if you look at it and you go,

You know,

I don't know.

I don't know what happened.

He probably didn't mean to.

Let's,

You know,

I'll just keep it general.

He probably didn't mean to.

Who knows?

Maybe he put it over there and thought it was for another table and,

You know,

Whatever.

I don't know.

But he probably didn't mean to.

Now,

Which of those two scenarios is probably most likely?

If you had to put your money down,

Which one is probably closer to the truth?

Not even saying one of them is definitely true.

Just which one would you put $100 down on and say,

I think that that's probably closer to the truth?

It's probably that he didn't mean to and it was just a mistake somehow.

That's all.

And we've all made mistakes.

So,

Oh my God,

An imperfect human being made a mistake every one of us has done countless,

Billions,

Trillions of times for our lives.

And it happened here with your soup too.

Who cares?

You see,

This is.

.

.

So my point is,

Is that when I dive into the more positive perspective,

I truly believe I get closer to the truth.

I believe that very rarely is the most negative outlook the truth.

Of course,

Sometimes it is.

There's all kinds of stuff that goes.

I'm just talking about in our average daily life.

Very rarely is the most negative perspective correct.

Much more often,

The more positive outlook is correct.

So it's not just about being a pessimist or an optimist.

It's really looking at things and going,

Oh my God,

Like if you really dissect things that happen on a normal daily basis,

The optimist is closer to the truth way more often than the pessimist.

That to me is a fact.

I've done it with countless things.

People don't walk around just intentionally hurting other people for no reason.

As a general rule,

We just don't do that.

Oh yes,

They do.

Of course,

There's some people that do,

But it's very rare.

I mean,

Do you?

You're listening to this.

Do you?

Do you do that?

Do you sit around just calculating how to screw up strangers' lives for no apparent reason?

If you do,

Get some help.

That ain't normal.

So stop letting our preferences dictate whether we're happy or not.

It's about acceptance.

It's just happening.

That's it.

It just is.

It's not good.

It's not bad.

It just is.

It's just the reality that it's happening.

If we take out that judgment,

Just practice acceptance.

Is this my preference?

No,

It's not my preference,

But that doesn't really.

.

.

You know what?

We're so addicted to asking ourselves,

Like living by preferences,

But if you really even ask that question,

Like why does that even come into play?

Something happens.

You don't like it.

Is this my preference?

No,

But that's not how the flow of life works.

Hey,

What's Glenn's preference?

I think let's make that happen because he prefers it.

That's not how the universe runs.

It's not how it runs for me and how it runs for you.

So the preferences aren't that important.

So it's about practicing acceptance and just stopping,

Letting go of the judgment and going,

It just is.

It just is.

So what do I need to do here?

If it's something that you don't like,

What do I need to do?

Well,

I want my soup hot.

Okay,

Well,

Then the appropriate course of action is to call the waiter over.

Cool.

So do that.

I don't like when I get caught in traffic and I'm late for work.

Okay,

Well,

What do you have control over in that situation?

Not traffic.

Truth.

What do you have control over?

Well,

I could,

You know,

It's very relaxing to be early.

I could leave 15 minutes earlier and then even if I do hit traffic,

I'll still be there on time.

And if I don't,

I'll use that 15 minutes to sit in the car and just decompress and get myself mentally and emotionally ready to walk in and start my day.

Just a little me time.

I used to use car time as me time a lot when I was a single parent because it was the only time I had any.

So it was like that was my me time.

So yeah,

Show up somewhere early and sit in your car for 10 minutes.

Listen to an uplifting podcast.

Listen to some chill music.

You know,

Insight Timer has the,

You know,

All kinds of five minute guided meditations,

10 minute guided meditations,

Music on it.

Like whatever,

Man,

Just sit there and listen,

Get that app,

Free app and listen to stuff on there.

Like I said,

Listen to a podcast.

Don't listen to anything.

Just sit there and be still and practice just relaxing for five minutes.

Prepare yourself mentally before you go into work and be like,

Okay,

I'm gonna go into work.

Sometimes things are gonna happen that I like.

Sometimes they're not.

I'm gonna practice non-judgment,

Acceptance of what is and I'm gonna do the best that I can.

Okay,

Cool.

And then go in,

You know?

I mean,

This is how,

Get creative.

So you can make adjustments to things in your life.

If you don't,

If your preferences aren't happening and there's something personally that you can do,

Then fine,

Make those adjustments.

But you can leave the judgment out.

It's not good or bad,

It just is.

Just accept it,

The reality that this is happening and then ask yourself,

Is there anything,

Any action I can take to adjust this or any way I can look at it in a healthier way or whatever?

That's your world,

That's your work.

That's what you have control over.

So shift your perspective on it if that's gonna make you happier.

Take some action if there's action that you can try to take.

But it's not about whether it's good or bad.

It's not about whether it's your preference.

It's just simply about accepting what is and then making the best of whatever the reality of your situation is.

Sometimes that's finding a solution.

Sometimes you have to get out of a situation.

If you're calm and you're not feeling like a victim of a situation,

You're more apt to open up your mind and think of creative solutions to get yourself out of that situation.

There's lots of benefits to it.

All right,

So that's gonna do it.

Thank you guys for listening and I will talk with you soon.

Peace.

Reviews

Thanks Glenn for so clearly articulating a basic truth that helps us keep raising our vibration!
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