Understanding Unconscious Behavior (Redone)

I had some technical difficulties recording this a couple weeks ago so I started from scratch and re-recorded the topic for you all. I'm going to discuss unconscious behavior, what it is, where it comes from, and what it looks like in our social conditioning. If we understand it we can adjust our behavior appropriately and have compassion for those functioning from it in various situations. Recorded live on 11-7-22.

Transcript

Welcome to Life,

Lessons,

And Laughter with your host,

Glenn Ambrose.

Hello everybody,

Welcome to the show.

What is happening?

How are you?

Welcome to the live aspect.

Please shoot me a little message to say hello where you're watching from.

And all right I'm gonna open with my new shirt.

You guys ready?

Here it is,

My new shirt.

Your heart chakra needs more cowbell.

I saw that post a little while ago and yeah I'm in trouble because I found somebody local that makes t-shirts out of whatever you want.

And I used to make my own on Vista Print and have them shipped to me.

And then now I have somebody local that can do it.

So I'm in trouble.

I may have a lot of t-shirts and sleeveless shirts with all kinds of spiritual stuff on them because now I can get it done.

So yes this could become a problem.

Hey Denise from Michigan.

I just re-listened to the beginning,

You know,

I'm doing Understanding Unconscious Behavior and I'm redoing the show because a few weeks ago I was doing this show and I had some technical difficulties so I just figured I'd just redo it,

You know,

Instead of doing like a part two or something.

So that's what I'm doing.

This is what I'm talking about today.

And so I re-listened to the beginning so I would have some idea of what I talked about.

And right at the beginning I said,

Hey Denise from Michigan.

So this is a perfect way to begin the redo.

I didn't have a cool shirt though but you know,

Hey you can't have everything.

So here we go.

Understanding Unconscious Behavior.

You know,

So one of the things that I mentioned in the last show which I thought was helpful and I wanted to mention again is the reason I chose the title Understanding Unconscious Behavior.

The reason I chose understanding is because understanding is the birthplace of compassion,

You know,

If we understand something then we can have compassion for people.

And this is why I want to talk about this.

It's,

You know,

Not just honestly this is why I talk about everything.

It's so we can understand ourselves better,

So we can work on ourselves and also understand others better where they're coming from so we can actually judge them less.

You know,

We want to judge people less.

Hey Sarah,

Colorado Springs back in one of your C-states.

So yeah,

You know,

We want to understand people and it's not,

You know,

An excuse for poor behavior or nothing like that.

It's just if we understand people we can interact with it in a better way because a lot of times when people are behaving unconsciously it doesn't make sense so it throws us and we're like what why would they do that?

Why would they say that?

It's like well because they're behaving unconsciously that's why,

You know,

Like it so don't expect them to be behaving consciously if they're acting unconsciously,

You know,

That so if you understand what unconsciousness is and you understand that somebody's behaving unconsciously well then usually the best move is to disengage because it's not going to go anywhere healthy probably especially if the tempers are up or whatever.

So you heard Faith shaking?

Yeah,

She's in the living room over there.

So yeah,

You know,

So we can understand people and disengage when appropriate and even,

You know,

If tempers aren't flaring and stuff,

You know,

Sometimes we can give people a pass or we can just kind of direct the conversation in a different way without this confusion of why somebody would possibly be like this,

You know.

That happens a lot nowadays.

If somebody doesn't see something the way we see something it's like what is wrong with them?

There must be something wrong with them.

It's like no there's multiple perspectives and quite honestly a lot of them are unconscious,

You know.

So this is why I wanted to do this show to kind of explain some of this stuff so we can understand one another better as a species because that's what this is.

This is,

You know,

The human species is largely unconscious.

Faith must have heard you.

She came over and laid next to me.

Hi JP.

So yeah,

So and another thing I mentioned,

This is not an excuse for poor behavior.

You know,

If somebody is yelling at you or something and you need to get yourself out of the situation and say hey listen,

You know,

Don't treat me like that or whatever,

That's fine,

You know.

This is,

You can still hold people accountable.

It doesn't stop that.

It's just understanding.

So there's a difference between holding people accountable and blame.

That's how I explained it last time.

So you know I'm just going to touch on the points that I thought were repeat worthy.

You know,

So holding people accountable is like hey listen,

You know,

I don't respond well to yelling so I'm just going to get myself out of the situation.

It's just we'll talk about it later.

Whatever.

That's handling the situation appropriately.

You know,

It's about you.

That's what boundary should be about.

They should be about you and you living your life should be about you.

So you can hold people accountable and say hey listen,

I'm not going to allow that treatment.

You know,

I'm not going to allow that treatment.

I don't respond well.

You know,

Then it's about me.

As opposed to you're a bad person,

You shouldn't be doing that.

Then it's about them.

They can do whatever they want,

Man.

We're all individuals and we're,

How do I say this,

We're supposed to be free.

So we have the right to basically do whatever the heck we want to do.

If people want to run around mistreating people,

They do it now all the time.

People get so upset when somebody else mistreats somebody.

It's like it happens every day,

Like billions of times.

We're like oh my god,

You know,

Like they mistreated somebody.

Oh,

Like it happens all the time.

Just set boundaries so they don't mistreat you.

What they do with everybody else is really none of your business for the most part.

Maybe unless it's your kid or something.

But yeah,

Just determine your reality and how you interact.

So you can hold people accountable.

Even if they're behaving unconsciously and they're unaware of what they're doing or why they're doing it.

That's usually what it is.

They're usually unaware of why they're doing it.

They kind of know that they're doing it because they're doing it.

So this is where it kind of gets confusing as to what I'm talking about with unconsciousness.

Because most people,

If you ask them,

Do you live unconsciously?

Well,

No.

I mean,

I know what I'm doing.

That's not what unconsciousness is.

Unconsciousness is not really knowing your why.

You don't really understand why you're doing it.

Most of it is because it's socially acceptable.

We've been trained to do this stuff.

Since birth,

Man,

We've been trained and conditioned and domesticated to go in certain ways.

And I still find ways in my own life that I'm behaving a certain way or doing a certain thing.

And I'm like,

Why am I doing that?

Where did that come from?

And I'll look at it and be like,

Oh my god.

It's socially acceptable.

So I've just been doing it for 50 years and I never even stopped and slowed down and said,

Does this make sense?

Do I want to do this?

Many,

Many,

Many socially acceptable things do not make sense.

When you really look at them.

I've said this before.

That's why it kind of cracks me up about spirituality.

It's like people are like,

Oh spirituality.

It's so woo woo.

It's so out there.

It's so ethereal.

You can't touch it.

It's not tangible.

It's just pie in the sky.

No,

Man.

Spirituality is the most grounded stuff there is.

It's based on nature,

The laws of the universe,

And it actually works consistently.

What doesn't work consistently is socially acceptable ways of behaving.

Like thinking that,

I mean really.

Like this is a good example of social conditioning.

So generations,

I mean my generation probably started with the generation before,

Went on to the generation after,

And is still going on to some degree.

Probably not as in depth as it was in my generation.

We're starting to come out of it.

But there is an unconscious belief that if you go to school and get good grades in high school,

And then go to a really good college,

And get good grades there,

Then you'll get a good job.

You'll probably,

You know,

And then from there it gets really unconscious.

Most people will actually say they don't agree with this,

I bet.

But it's how they live their lives if you watch their actions.

And then so you get a good job,

And then you get married,

You have 2.

3 kids,

A dog named Faith,

A house with a white picket fence,

And you're happy.

Like you,

Two cars in the driveway,

And you're good.

Like that's the key to life.

Okay,

So that's basically the key to life.

This is how,

This is the model that most people design their lives out of.

And it's useless.

Like I mean if you want to be happy,

Nothing that I mentioned has anything to do with happiness.

None of it.

I mean it's been scientifically proven that like basically there is a certain level of happiness that is achieved when your basic needs are met.

Like when you can eat food,

And you have a roof over your head,

And you have clothes.

Just your basic needs.

Once those are met,

There's a jump in your happiness level.

After that,

It's very,

Very,

Very,

Very minimal as to how much more happiness you get based on the amount of money that you make.

And a lot of times people with enormous amounts of money are very unhappy.

So it doesn't have anything to do with money,

But yet if we look at how much energy we put towards making money,

It's during our our daily lives,

It's I mean what maybe?

I mean compared to other things,

I'm guessing 75% of our energy goes towards making money.

You know that's the that's the biggest thing that we put focused effort on in our daily lives for 50,

60 years.

So a large amount of our energy is going towards that.

Now how much energy do we put towards being happy?

Five percent.

I mean you know do we go out to a movie every once in a while?

We think that's gonna make us happy?

And that's what I mean.

Like we don't even we don't even make conscious choices as to what happiness is gonna be.

We don't even know how to achieve happiness.

We don't know where it is,

How to get it,

What it looks like,

What it feels like.

We don't really understand happiness,

Let alone how to get it.

And if you ask most people,

They're not really happy.

And if you ask them what they're doing to be happy,

They'd go,

What?

Well what was the question?

Well if you're not happy,

What are you doing to become happy?

Well what do you mean?

What am I doing to become?

I don't know.

Everybody wants to be happy.

But most people don't know what it is,

Where it comes from,

How to get it.

You know like so we're not putting any energy towards it.

And then we wonder why we don't have it.

Right?

That is unconscious living.

We're conditioned to live a model of life that does not bring happiness,

Does not bring contentment or peace.

We don't experience it.

And then we don't even change it.

We believe society's model so much that we don't change it after it doesn't work year after year after year after year after year after generation after generation.

We still don't change it.

That's how deep social conditioning is.

So I'm going to rip out a few other like social conditioning ones.

Hopefully I won't stop on each one.

But you guys know how I talk.

Letting people walk on you means you're a good person.

Most people wave that flag,

That martyr flag.

Well I do everything for others and then they don't do for me.

I'm just such a good person.

And people are running around enabling.

We don't know the difference between helping people,

Supporting people,

And enabling people.

We literally don't know the difference.

I noticed,

Here I go talking about it.

I noticed this,

Oh I think it started,

I started noticing it like 15 years ago or so in Rhode Island.

And I noticed that,

I don't know how this caught on,

But road rules went right out the window because there's this urge,

The spiritual awakening that's happening,

That's bubbling up within everybody.

We have a stronger desire to be a good person now.

Okay so that's bubbling up within people.

So they want to be good people.

We all want to be good people.

Like this is a really big part of the spiritual awakening.

We can feel that urge,

That yearning to be a good person.

It's coming into our consciousness more.

So we really want to do it,

But we don't know how to be good people.

So what people started doing on the roads,

Not here in the DR in case you're curious,

But in the United States,

And I saw it in Rhode Island and Florida,

People began stopping in the middle of the road to allow somebody on a side street to come out in front of them.

Okay now this seems harmless enough until you take into consideration all the other people on the road.

People are driving down,

Nobody ever did that in my entire life.

Nobody did that.

Nobody was driving,

Like what you do is if you're driving down the road and you see somebody on a side street,

Like what I used to do is either I just kept driving or maybe if I wanted to be a nice person I hit the gas so I got past them a little bit earlier,

Maybe even left a little bit of space behind me and they could pull out quicker.

Okay,

You know,

No harm no foul,

But the people are locking up their brakes and stopping for no apparent reason causing rear-end smashes,

Pile-ups behind them because nobody is expecting them because they're just driving down a straight road and they just lock up their brakes to be nice.

This is an example that people don't understand what it is to be nice and they're behaving unconsciously.

They see somebody sitting on the side of the road and they go,

Oh you know what,

I'm in a good mood,

I'm gonna be a good person,

I'm gonna let this person pull out.

What happened?

Or like sometimes like in in uh well Rhode Island and Florida there's there's two lanes going each direction so the person in one lane stops traffic behind them,

The right lane,

Cars are still driving by,

So this person that's being allowed to pull out pulls out right across both lanes and gets slammed by an oncoming car that can't see them.

Like that it's a serious problem,

Like I've seen accidents,

I've almost gotten into several because of this and what it is is people go,

I want to be nice and and they're completely unaware of how it's going to affect anybody else because they're not used to it.

So they're choosing bad ways to be nice.

This is the same reason uh enabling is such a big deal is because people think like well you know well if I don't give them money they won't eat.

It's like they're going to buy drugs man.

You know it,

I know it,

Like you know like we can't,

You can't enable them.

You can't enable a drug addict or an alcoholic or just a manipulative child,

You cannot enable them to continue poor behavior otherwise they never learn.

We need to hold people accountable.

Okay so being nice does not mean enabling people.

Find out what the difference is.

Being nice does not mean being a doormat.

Letting people walk on you,

That does not make you a good person,

It makes you a doormat.

Stress is caused by external factors like jobs.

That's a socially acceptable.

I mean you see commercials about it.

Like you know people like oh man I'm so stressed out at my job and people like yeah man I hear you,

Me too.

Oh man it's really tough man life isn't easy you know yeah so stressed out.

That's not how stress works,

That's not how stress works.

And everybody like they'll give you pills because your job is stressful so you don't feel the stress.

Like that's not how stress works.

Stress doesn't happen from external circumstances upon you.

That's not the dynamic of stress.

Stress happens because you are incapable of processing the scenario that's happening in a healthy way.

I mean think about it,

What's one of the most stressful jobs?

Like you know I've said this before,

To me the one that pops into my head seems like an emergency room doctor.

That seems like something that people,

If somebody said hey I'm really stressed out and they go why?

You go I'm an emergency room doctor.

Most people go oh okay I get it.

Why?

Because it's fast,

It's very fast-paced a lot of times right?

The risk reward level is high so like if you don't do your job right somebody could die.

That's a pretty big deal.

So like that is to me if you're looking at stressors as socially acceptable term,

Those would be pretty high on the list.

So you look at that and you go oh yeah well there are emergency room doctors that love their job.

They thrive in a fast-paced environment.

They love saving lives.

They haven't taken it on personally in an unhealthy way to think that they actually are more powerful than God and they have control over who lives and who dies.

They just have to do their job to the best of their ability and they do and they know that that's all they can do.

So they're very healthy so they don't get any stress for performance anxiety.

They don't have that.

Why?

Because they have a healthy outlook on their job and they thrive in a fast-paced environment so that doesn't stress them out.

They love it man.

They're going.

Faster the better.

Some people are like that.

So if you're stressed out because of your job either you're at the wrong job and you shouldn't be doing it because it doesn't match your personality or you need to adjust your perspectives the way you're looking at your job and how you're processing the pressures that are being put on you.

But that's internal work.

Like you know what is the world here to figure out your life?

Well they shouldn't be putting pressure on me.

Well who?

Like this billion dollar company that you work for?

They're supposed to go in and check to see if you're okay and everybody else that works for them that works for them.

They're gonna make sure that you're not stressed.

Hey we're not putting too much pressure on you are we?

If you're waiting for that conversation man don't hold your breath.

Your life is your responsibility.

So stress doesn't work like that but it's socially acceptable.

Changes are made by the government.

Government works for you.

I don't want my kid to grow up.

I have to go to work.

No you don't.

Everybody says that.

Oh I have to go to work.

No you don't.

Nobody has to go to work.

Nobody has to.

Nobody's got a gun to your head.

You're choosing to go to work.

Why?

Well I wouldn't be able to eat.

Oh right that's a good choice.

You chose eating.

Good choice.

You're probably going to live longer if you keep making choices like that.

Yeah good move but nonetheless it's a choice.

You can choose not to eat.

You can choose not to have a roof over your head.

There's a whole bunch of homeless people out there and some of them it ain't their fault and some of them it's their choice.

They choose to be homeless.

Some of them you could be one.

Just choose not to go to work.

It's your choice.

You don't have to.

Well I have to if I want to eat.

Well yeah that's a choice.

You don't have to.

You could steal food.

You'd probably get caught and end up in jail I would imagine.

But I mean you could choose that.

To me that's a worse choice than going to work but it's a choice and some people make it.

You know yeah I don't I'm not gonna go on I'm just gonna try to touch on the I don't want my kids to grow up because I see it so much.

I'm not gonna go into it too too much though but it's just oh I don't want my kid to grow up they're so cute oh oh and everybody says that all the time and it's what it does is you know it's I understand that up here consciously this is why I want to touch on it because it's it's it it kind of shows the difference between consciousness and unconsciousness to some degree okay.

So I don't want my kid to grow up oh he's so cute she's so lovely she's little and just oh I can cuddle with her and it's so wonderful.

Well of course you're not going to stick your kid in the microwave and try to keep them small or something you know like because that would be a conscious action so you're not going to do that.

Do you really want them to stay the same size?

No not really not on a conscious level no of course you want them to grow up you know if some if I asked people they'd be like no of course I want them to grow up and have their own life.

Okay then why don't you say that?

Because it doesn't make you look loving in social standards that's why.

It makes you unconsciously it makes you look like a good loving person to other people and they support you when you say cute little stuff like that.

Oh I love my little one oh I hope they never grow up.

I've even seen people start doing it with their pets.

Oh my god it's caught on to society so much lately that people are like oh my god I got this little dog I hope he stays this size forever then buy a little dog.

Like you know um but what it is see the danger of it is that people keep they say it over and over and they they think it oh I want them to stay small oh I want them to stay small oh and it starts affecting their behavior because unconsciously you're feeding them so on on an unconscious level a level that you're not aware of you actually are starting to believe it on a deep level and what it does is it starts shading the way you handle situations so if you keep telling yourself that year after year after year it it functions the same as guilt.

A lot of people parent from guilt like you know I was an alcoholic for 20 years so so and and when I got sober and woke up I already had a kid you know that was two and a half about so now I move up to Rhode Island to be a father and the first thing that somebody told me that really saved my ass was you cannot parent from guilt.

You can't do it because it shifts the energy it's the energy underneath it's your belief system underneath I'm guilty I'm bad I was a drunk I wasn't there you know for for two years of his life almost and only for visits and and and and I was an alcoholic so therefore I'm a bad person and I you know maybe maybe my absence hurt this kid and and all these guilty feelings and then when he asked for a freaking third popsicle you go all right because your decisions are based on this guilt that you have down inside and kids are manipulative that's what they do it's like they're trying to figure out how to live in this world there's nothing more manipulative than an alcoholic or a drug addict than a kid a kid is the only thing more manipulative so because well dogs are close no uh kids are worse but it's because they're trying to figure out this world it's so confusing and all this social conditioning doesn't make sense so they're trying to figure out how to play the game and get what they want from their perspective which is you know it's it's not a bad thing I'm not they're just manipulative by nature because they're trying to figure out their way so the more kids can manipulate you the more trouble you're in and quite honestly the more trouble they're in because because they they're going to get out into life and not be able to manipulate people and it's going to be a problem you know most of them so so like it's it's very manipulative and we we can't if if our energy underneath is skewed with guilt or oh I want them to grow up I don't want them to grow up I don't want them to grow up I don't want them to grow up I hope you never grow up honey I love you you're so small and sweet and I hope you stay with me and I want to feel needed and wanted and all the time you know and then it comes time for them to go off to college and you're a wreck in the living room they're stressed out because they're going oh my god like she's been telling me for the last 15 years that she doesn't want me to grow up now I'm abandoning her she's freaking out in the living room like they're gonna get guilt or they you actually get what they want or you get what you want and they stay little they never mature mentally they never reach out for for responsibilities and they're in your house at 30 years old playing video games and you're going why don't you get off your ass and do something with your life and you're like the kids are like why man you've been telling me to stay little since I was little I did now you know you want to feel needed go make me some freaking pizza rolls so this is how this I'm telling you the unconscious belief systems start start manifest manifesting themselves into our lives and I'll give you an example of how it happened to me so like when I grew up in my neighborhood having in the playgrounds I went to and stuff having money was not a good thing I mean like and we got a pool put in the backyard an in-ground pool when I was like in third or fourth grade or something so I became the rich kid so when I went out to play with other kids you know maybe not so much my my closest friends but a lot of other kids in the neighborhood like hey there's the rich kid and a lot of times the fight would ensue because they meant it as an insult and I took it as an insult you know and I found this out doing some spiritual finance work going back to find out what my core beliefs were about money my unconscious beliefs about money and I thought back to that and I thought like yeah the way people talked around me is rich people were greedy they thought they were better than everybody they you know stepped on people to get where they got to that was just a general consensus of the blue-collar town that I grew up in and that so that became my outlook on money now my father taught me how to manage money very well and he was very good with money and like so I understood on a conscious level how to manage money very well and I could stretch it really well and all this stuff you know I moved out when I was 18 paying all my own bills and and I think I used to save like ten dollars a week I think so I'd have forty dollars at the end of every month and I could go buy something like one month I bought a vacuum cleaner and then one month I bought a fan you know it was stuff like this so I knew how how to manage money on a surface level but I had this unconscious belief system that money was bad I was completely unaware of that I mean if anybody said do you want money oh my god yes I want money if you ask most people hey you know do you want a hundred thousand dollars do you wish you just had a bunch of money all the time everybody's going to say yes yes yeah that's on a surface-y conscious level on an unconscious level most people think money is bad people with money are bad so this is why they don't have it so like um when I was in my mid mid 20s I'd say um I got thirty thousand dollars from a job that I had as um when I was welding and stuff it was a stock ownership thing um so I got this 30 grand now in my 20s I've been broke my whole life 30 grand it's a lot of money sweet I kick in consciously what do I do well it's retirement fun so I should roll it into another retirement this is what I found out with my research that I was doing consciously so I don't get hit with the taxes okay cool so I figure out how to do it I roll it I I decide hey you know I did come into a big chunk of money so I'm gonna take five thousand of it and just live it up man I'm gonna do stuff I always wanted to do so I went scuba diving got scuba diving certified I got uh I went skydiving and I bought myself like a 32 inch Sony trinitron tv which back then was sweet man I think weighed about like 600 pounds was insane uh but I got all that stuff and I rolled the rest of it you know like okay responsible I didn't know this at the time but it was eating at my consciousness because having money wasn't in alignment with my moral values I thought you know of course everybody wants to be a good person right nobody wants to be greedy nobody wants to be selfish nobody wants to be a snob nobody wants to be a jerk and I had equated all those with money so I had this money and it was chipping away at my unconscious my unconscious is going you got to get rid of that you got to get rid of that you got to get rid of that and I you know I didn't hear those thoughts but eventually you know maybe six months a year later or something when I got frustrated at work which I was drinking back then I got frustrated at everything at one time or another uh but I didn't quit this time I quit why because I had money in the bank I could live off that for a while why should I be treated like this I I deserve better right this is what I told myself so I could start living off that money so I did and then all of a sudden the consciousness kicks in goes glenn you're pissing through that money and you're gonna owe taxes on it too oh yeah okay yeah I'm gonna do the right thing and so I gotta go back to work so I start looking around I end up going back to the same job I'm working again and I think I quit again I I found ways to sabotage myself until all that money was gone and I owed like five six grand on top of it in taxes and I did it over I don't know two or three years probably probably two so but this is how our unconscious belief systems override our conscious thinking they are deeper they are stronger they are more powerful and they will override your conscious thinking and literally back door you and sabotage you I had no idea I found out that I had actually done this to myself prop I mean I had probably at least 10 years later maybe 15 years later after I had done this that's when I finally got clarity on it I had no idea that I had done that and I did it one other time when I sold my house I mean I was pretty drunk then so that was that might have been I was just living off of it man I did I wasn't even pretending to be responsible but so that might have been a little different but I you know I got a chunk of money twice in my life and I blew it because it was eating at my own consciousness so this is this is how it works which leads me to the dynamics of unconsciousness like basically unconscious belief systems are conditioned behavioral responses okay so what happens when when we when we grow up um basically and what was that it might have been the four agreements that that talked about a version of this um the domestication of when we're a child growing up um but anyway my version of it is is basically we have as we grow up we have our experiences meshed with our personality okay and every time something happens to us that goes into our computer our data bank so which is basically our brain so what happens is like if somebody steals your crayon and your personality says whatever I have a whole box of crayons they can have that one then it goes okay stealing crayon no big deal filed okay and then somebody else takes it personally and goes you stole my crayon I can't believe you stole my crayon give it back all right it turns into this big thing and then you have somebody stealing things big deal uh filed in the memory bank okay and we have billions of these things that happen throughout our lives on my on my um on my comments I just saw this three messages best adult dating site sex find obviously disregard that um and I highly recommend not going to that site it's probably pretty shady seeing how they're sabotaging a spiritual website but it is about unconscious behavior so um anywho so like what happens is billions of these things um start just packing on top of us on top of each other okay and what it does is it it it creates conditioned responses to situations so one of the ways that I explain this is most people throughout their life they've conditioned themselves that when they're driving if they see something um if they see oh oh think it's mastery of self okay thank you thank you um Deanna she so it might not have been the four agreements might be mastery of self they're both by Domiguel Ruiz so thank you for that so most people when they're driving they they have like if something happens that looks dangerous or scary in front of you or could be dangerous most people hit up hit the brakes okay that's a conditioned response um they've been they were taught it at some point usually you know and um they just started doing it and they did it over and over and then now when something happens they hit the brakes and they don't think about it they don't usually even assess whether it's the right thing to do they just do that as a unconscious reaction I on the other hand had a bad experience with that like usually I was driving too fast so I couldn't stop anyway I mean honestly when I was a kid I drove like a maniac um so like I was usually driving too fast where I couldn't stop anyway and then a couple times I tried stopping and I either skidded or it got worse it did it just didn't go well so I started hitting the gas while I was still learning to drive and I found that I could get past things better than trying to stop for them by the time if I hit the gas I was gone man like if you know I would just assess like can I make it I think so boom I would hit the gas so my a lot of times my unconscious reaction is usually if if it's unconscious it's usually to hit the gas it's not usually hit the brake the reason I use that as an example is because it's it's it's the opposite of most people so you can see the contrast how it's just conditioned okay it's there's no there's not a lot of thinking involved it's just ah you know and I go ah fly you know and it works well for me but anyway this is this is how unconscious conditioning is we just do things and we don't think about it and just because we're awake we think we're aware of why we're doing what we're doing and we we're really not you can tell by the speed of the reaction when somebody goes you're a jerk no I'm not that's an unconscious response that is not a conscious response because you can't think that quick they didn't even finish saying it and you had a conditioned response that came out certain people have conditioned responses to defend themselves in certain situations why because they experienced them in the past over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and it's meshed with their personality so some people when attacked they defend other people when they're attacked they they run away they get out of the situation they deflect other people freeze right so it's just freeze flee or fight the three conditioned responses right so so we we just go into one of those unconsciously and even when we're talking to ourselves we do it so you guys have probably heard me do this before like when when I'm talking to myself the first thing I have to do is get past the unconscious level so to get to the deep truth so like if and the way the way I do it like um like I'll you know I'm trying to make something up um let's say I'm trying to find out if something bothers me and I go so you know I'll put my attention on my body and I'll go Glenn does that bother you and usually the first response is very high pitched and very quick so Glenn does that bother you no man that's BS that's not that's an unconscious response there was no thought to it it would and and that high pitch actually like um that that kind of shows a bit of a defensive or deflective technique with the high pitch of the voice so I know that that's not my truth I mean my truth might be the same as that it might be different I don't know yet I haven't gotten to it all I know is that ain't it that's a conditioned response so Glenn and I try to slow myself down Glenn does this bother you no okay well the tone wasn't as high and there was half a second before the response so it slowed down a little bit but that's still too quick Glenn this is and a lot of times I'll add a really every time I ask just to differentiate it and slow everything down does this upset you does this really upset you or really does this upset you really really does this upset you no not really Glenn does this really really really upset you and then I usually hear nothing this space stillness my unconscious isn't automatically kicking in to give me the answer it thinks that I want to hear and there's no rush for the answer to come out that's so it just pauses and goes yeah now all of a sudden the tone is lower it's calm and I can actually usually feel it whereas the the first ones I don't I don't really feel it you know yeah yeah let's move forward let's keep moving fast so we are masters of distraction in our in in our society you know we don't go deep like this we don't really find out the answers very often so so it's like it's you know we stay on a surface and move really fast that way we don't feel all the pain that's down inside if we get still you know so this is it's it's conditioned responses and we have them for everything how to be a father how to be a friend how to be a good worker how to be a good leader everything has conditioned data from your past from your social conditioning from the 20 years 30 years 60 years that you've been on the planet it has data all piled up and when the right stimuli activates it hits that the conditioned response kicks out it's automatically we don't think this is why the sacred pause is one of the best things that we can do in spirituality you know I did a podcast on that years ago maybe I'll do another one it's been so long but go back and check that out it's pausing because we can actually pause a lot of times for a half a second sometimes once we get good at it sometimes two seconds whatever in a conversation and that's enough to disconnect the unconscious response and have us actually choose something it creates that space and that's you know like I said I mean I'm telling you a lot of times what happens up here happens much faster than what happens in reality so like once you get good at it you can pause and people won't even know that you're pausing and if they do honestly when I was getting used to it I used to get really I used to get a lot of compliments when I paused and people could still tell a lot of times I pause now people can't tell but back then it was more aware because I needed to pause for like two seconds instead of half a second right you pause for half a second people don't know half a second feels like three seconds in your brain you know you're you're thinking you you you stopped you thought you came to a decision and you're wondering if they're noticed if they noticed yet that you stopped and thought all in a half a second you know so so you can do it like that but in the beginning you know it might take a few seconds who knows it might take five or ten seconds whatever but I used to pause and know what I noticed is people looking of course at first it's out of the ordinary so they look at you like are you going to respond you know but then they they so since they put their focus on you they actually start reading your energy without even knowing that they're reading your energy and and what they pick up on is is that you're actually giving them a thoughtful answer so then you know three seconds later you give them a thoughtful answer and they look at you people used to look at me all the time and go wow you really thought about that didn't you before you answered and I'm like yeah and people used to love that because they're like you know and they used to tell me they're like I appreciate that you know how many people that you just asked them something they just say something and you know and then just life that's how life goes and then when they experience something different they're like wow I I like that I I like the fact that you actually thought about it for a second and gave me an honest response it's I appreciate that you know it's kind of cool so that's a way that you can bring consciousness in um I I think I'm probably I'm just going to look over some notes I think what I'm going to do is kind of lean into um understanding others so we can really touch on the understanding and compassion aspect of this um but I'm just going to look to see if there's anything else well actually I'm just going to lean into that because half the time when I look at my notes it draws me out of the flow so I'm going to go so compassion understanding of unconsciousness we have to understand that we all do this you know that's one of the the best ways of connecting with other people and feeling a part of and not separation is ego the ego always wants us to be separate wants us to be right and them to be wrong I just want to be happy and the only way to be happy is to be part of part of a community connected with other people feeling like you're part of so so like you know that's a that that's a healthy thing so we have to stop judging everybody all the time and one of the best ways to know that is to know that we all do this I catch myself doing it and I've been working on myself for 19 years and this is my job like and I still do it so like we all do it don't get defensive and shut your brain off and and stop focusing on other people the reason for this podcast is for you to focus on yourself and see where you do it primarily and then you can do the work on yourself primarily secondarily it's to be able to understand how other people are functioning and going okay most people don't think about what they do they just give a knee-jerk reaction based on a stimuli that's triggering a particular part of the brain it's just a reaction stimuli triggers this reaction comes out that and and they've been doing it for so many years that they're accustomed to it so so they think that that's the right choice for that situation when they've never even thought about it they just get conditioned you know so when it happens they don't second guess themselves they've done the same thing 200,

000 times before so why would they second guess it now well maybe because the situation is different slightly than some of those other ones maybe because it's a different person maybe like who knows this is one of the reasons why like um dominant people need to be taught how to treat people everybody needs to be taught how to treat people but like we have to teach other people how to treat us and everybody thinks that it's impossible and and especially with the dominant people like oh no i can't you know they treat everybody like crap that's because everybody allows it and they think they can get away with it they don't treat me like crap i don't care how dominant they are they're not going to treat me like crap i'll walk away i'll go get another job and yes i have had it in job situations and i still don't allow it it's not allowed like when i became an adult it was not allowed to treat me like nobody was allowed to treat me like crap just no it's just not allowed i think that has something to do with some past lives which is a uh a topic for another show but but like it's it's just we can teach people how to treat us because even if that dominant person treats most people like crap there's one person at least in their life that they don't treat like crap and the reason they don't is because that person doesn't allow it and i might just be that person uh but there's there's a lot of a lot of dominant people that that come at me and try to be dominant and it's just shut down immediately now we're not that's dynamic because i'm happening dude it's just not you know and then what happens is since i'm the one person that stands up to them and just doesn't allow it just be like no this is i don't interact like that and i don't usually have to say it out loud usually i can do it energetically but if it ha if somebody's that unconscious that i have to say it out loud i will but it's it's just not happening i'm going to if we're in a store i will go work with another salesperson i will leave the store go find somebody else i will bring my car to a different mechanic i will i i don't give a crap what the scenario is that's just not allowed so whatever i need to do i'm gonna go do it elsewhere but i ain't doing it with you this is not going to continue because i it's just not going it's just not on the the respectful level and i that's where it needs to be like we need to respect each other and if we can cool if not then this isn't going to last long so like i've had many situations where people came at me hard and i just stood there energetically and stood my ground and and and then all sudden it kicked in and you like they probably don't even know they're doing it but they'll look at me and they're like okay all right and sometimes they do they'll look at me and they'll literally do that they're like yeah all right okay i see you i know who you are it's like yeah i'm the i'm the mf that you respect that's who i am you know and then what's cool though is they i usually have really good relationships with those people why because i'm one of the few people on the planet that they actually respect that's why and you can't have a healthy relationship with somebody with anybody in any way work romantic family friendship you cannot have any healthy relationship with somebody if there's no respect you can't so like i have lots of healthy relationships out there because and sometimes people don't like me that's cool you cannot like me you cannot like what i say you cannot like what i do you cannot like all kinds of things about me you can disagree with it and think i'm full of crap that's cool i have no problem with that but you will respect me you will not treat me disrespectfully because you won't be in my life it's not that i'm not gonna go fight people i'm freaking 54 years old you know uh but i'm not going to be interacting with them in a disrespectful way and if my life has to get a little bit difficult because of that it's okay i would rather have my life be a little bit difficult for a little while than have somebody disrespecting me that's just my priority list you know so you can do this too but you gotta but i don't blame them it's like i don't care see this is what i mean by by holding people accountable if somebody tries disrespecting me it's you it's an unconscious pattern i understand that it's an unconscious pattern i understand that that 99 of the time somebody that's disrespecting me is not intentionally saying hey i'm gonna go crap on glenn today they probably didn't even know me before so it's not personal they're not trying to attack me personally it's just their use their unconscious pattern is being dominant and they're going to try to dominate me and i'm going to hold them accountable and i'm not going to let that happen so that but that but i'm not judging them and saying oh they're a jerk because they're dominant no it's just that's how they've gotten through life they've gone through life they've found that if they act dominant to most people most people will cave and they'll get what they want so it works for them so they do it i understand it i'm not going to judge them for it it's just a different personality we all choose one the people who play a victim get energy that way it's all about getting energy off people you know people that play victims they wave this martyr flag like they never do anything wrong a lot of times and all they're doing is playing the victim so people feel sorry for them and give them energy it it's no different than the perpetrator or the dominant you know everybody points the finger at the dominant person saying you shouldn't try to dominate people it's like well what about the victim and the martyr that sits there and goes oh poor me poor me i don't have any control over how people treat me everybody treats me bad and craps on me all the time oh will you feel bad for me oh yes you're such a good person people shouldn't crap on you oh and they're just giving you their energy so you you're just stealing their energy in a different way the dominator takes it you trick them into giving it to you do you see it's all and and it's all unconscious nobody even knows that they're doing it this is how deeply it's embedded in our society so don't judge just be aware that this is what's happening work on it the more you work on it in your own life in your own way the better you're going to get at one maintaining a healthy balance in your own life and interacting in life in conscious ways by pausing and making a choice so the you know your life is going to enhance dramatically just by that and then it's also you're going to be able to see it clearer in other people the more you work on you the more you're going to become familiar and accustomed to what it looks like what it sounds like what it feels like excuse me when somebody's behaving unconsciously so since you are you can recommend uh recognize it in other people okay so when you recognize it in other people you can just instead of that you know judgment jerk they don't know what they're talking about they why did they say what like oh it was just an unconscious reaction it was a conditioned response there was no pause they didn't think about it they just over their life these types of things happen and this is types of behavior came out they just did it whatever you know and if you'll have to hold them accountable so they don't treat you poorly fine you can still do that but you just don't blame them you understand that they weren't consciously doing it to you they weren't sitting there going hmm you know really think about it we we we act like like people crap on us all the time right and really the alternative to what i'm saying i'm saying it's unconscious behavior right let's look at the alternative for for clarity's sake for contrast's sake okay the alternative is let's take a let's take a driving situation right so you're driving down the road and um somebody swerves over into your lane and almost hits you now most people's unconditioned response is that person is a jerk why it was fear induced you know you you experienced fear because you thought you know you're going to get in your act into an accident or the car was going to be damaged so you might get hurt or whatever it was a fear response and we're conditioned to blame people for fear responses so we go oh jerk that guy's a jerk he was trying to kill me like okay so one option is it was unconscious he wasn't aware of what he was doing it like and and this one might be a kind of a different level of unconsciousness like maybe he was trying to change the radio station or maybe he was thinking about the stress job he has and his jerk boss or maybe just gonna fight with his wife or maybe his you know his kids in the hospital who freaking knows but it was it wasn't a conscious act he wasn't swerving to try to see how how close he could come to getting into an accident because he was bored on a tuesday or he wasn't sitting there at breakfast going where's glenn driving today yeah glenn ambrose i've been listening to that gentleman's podcast and he said something that offended me and i believe he were lives in this state and works over here and i'm going to follow him to work and i'm going to scare the crap out of him that probably didn't happen or let's get one step a little bit more believable which this isn't believable either but you know forget that glenn ambrose but he was sitting at breakfast going on the way into work i'm gonna really scare the crap out of somebody and and come as close to getting into an accident as i possibly can because you know it is tuesday and um what i haven't done lately is um get into an accident have all the the police show up have me be the one that was the cause of it so then i have to pay for my car repairs and their car repairs and or my insurance will and my insurance will go up um oh yes yes you know i i was gonna take the day off and go to the beach but that sounds much better i'm gonna do that on my way into work you know this is the type of thinking that would imply conscious action and that you should take it personally i mean even that you shouldn't take it personally because it i mean if somebody actually did think like that it has nothing to do with you that's a screw loose up here and them okay so even that's not personal but um but at least it leans in so what do you think is more feasible that somebody tried to do something that was going to make their life much more difficult for no apparent reason or it was a mistake probably it was a mistake see this is what happens when we bring in conscious thinking this is why i say spirituality is not woo-woo social conditioning is woo-woo social conditioning says that guy's a jerk and if you walk into work okay and this is how i can prove it if you walk into work and you go man somebody almost slammed into my car today on the way into work and everybody goes oh my god really and you go yeah but you know let's be honest about this let's be realistic he was probably just trying to change the radio station or he his mind probably wondered hey that's happened to me before that's probably what happened to him most people are going to be confused by you saying that at minimum and they're probably going to be like i'd be pissed that's the socially conditioned response that's the appropriate response socially and if you say anything other than that people are probably going to think that's weird minimally they might ask you why you think like that they might tell you you should be pissed like i just mentioned and minimum that conversation is probably going to die off in the next 30 seconds it's not going to go on and on like you know it'll just be like oh yeah okay well i guess i guess maybe he was thinking of something else yeah i guess i have done that okay there's nothing really to talk about so everybody will go their separate ways the little conversation at the water cooler became very short right but if you walk in and you go this jerk man cut me off and almost got an accent you're going to get all kinds of support that conversation could go on all day i remember when that happened to me that's such a load of crap man people are crazy nowadays people will feed that man because it's socially acceptable and they can bond over it why because it's socially acceptable do you do you see this and it's very very very very unlikely that that person is actually a jerk it's very unlikely that it was premeditated it's more likely that it wasn't premeditated it was a mistake and that we've all done it before that's reality nobody thinks like that that's socially unacceptable what's socially what's socially acceptable is outrage which socially acceptable is unrealistic there's probably a 0.

01 chance that that was premeditated and that you should be getting angry at that person and yet it's socially acceptable there's probably a 99.

99 chance that that was a mistake and you shouldn't take it personally and that is socially unacceptable do you see this is this is why we have to stop breaking away from this unconsciousness because it's literally not true most of the time our conditioned responses that are socially acceptable are not healthy they're not good and they're not based in fact you cannot find happiness by getting good grades in high school i'm not saying it's a hindrance to to happiness to get good grades in high school there are benefits to getting good grades in high school this benefits to getting a college education but it does not equal happiness and that's what most people want in life and unconsciously they assume it's at the end of that road and it ain't so we have to start looking at stuff like this and you know instead of just yup uh-huh yup well you know my boss treats me like a jerk that's socially acceptable i hate my boss too yeah we can bond over that we're victims yeah who or you could take responsibility for your life teach people how to treat you or go find another job or both like especially nowadays man the job mark is everybody's looking for good people that that excuse doesn't fly anymore and i've had it with people like people have come to me you know with job situations that that were really difficult and sometimes it's just an adjustment of attitude that needs to take place and most people will disagree with that because unconsciously you're a victim i get it unconsciously nothing is your fault nothing is you know unconsciously you're a victim of your boss and the the the workplace and everything else unconsciously we're victims of everything nothing is our fault but if we start slowing down and going okay wait a minute you know what what's the alternative and and i've had people literally look go go go look just go look and like within one week they're going oh my god i can't believe all the opportunities that are out there or within two weeks i should say they start looking and they're like oh my god like signing bonuses all kinds of stuff man people are looking for workers um i know it's not that easy for everyone but you know just because something's hard doesn't mean that you shouldn't do it uh so yeah that that was that was kind of what i wanted to touch on you know just you know understand ourselves understand this this is rampant in the world so we can stop judging each other so much and just stop understanding and a lot of times just putting some space if somebody's acting unconsciously especially you know you know attacking way like understand that they're unconscious don't sit there and try to get reasonable with them because they're not reasonable they're unconscious they're all caught up in a behavior pattern of attacking you know you can't have a rational conversation that's what always kills me like when when when people have arguments right they get very offended of what people say in an argument do you believe they said this to you i usually i'm kind of like well were you arguing yes but they still shouldn't have said it well yeah that when you're arguing you're completely overcome with anger usually you know and i'm talking about intense arguments your people are angry they're trying to make their point they're not listening real well they're the anger literally shuts down their brain so they can't think clearly i mean scientifically i'm serious like so you can't think clearly when you're angry because your body is trying to push you into fight or flight so you're not making good decisions you're caught up in unconscious behavior patterns and the defense mechanism and people are are hurting that's why they're angry so they're trying to hurt you so they can feel less hurt so yeah they'll say and do just about anything the the worst of people's behavior comes out like that now again do i say this is acceptable and and they shouldn't be hold held accountable no i think that they should be held accountable like you know you should try to change the dynamic of how you two communicate you know in the future so this doesn't continue happening but um you don't take somebody at their worst and then think that that's their truth you know like when they're all angry and pissed off at you and they go i hate you oh they must really hate me you know the last 10 years they've told me that they love me but that one time when they were really angry they were unconscious their brain was locked on to a negative vibration and they couldn't really think clearly that's the one time the truth actually came out of them the last 10 years of i love you that was a load of crap you know all those moments we spent together they really hate me and it finally came out like seriously seriously you've never said anything stupid when you were upset or you've never yeah and people and don't get me wrong like some people can say stuff like that and actually think they mean it i've said like you know my my go-to is attack if if you know like i mean i of course i try not to get triggered it doesn't happen that much anymore but if i feel attacked i'll attack 10 times harder so if i go and i'm on yeah man stuff comes out of my mouth that at the time i think that i mean because i don't say stuff i don't mean but i'm unconscious so at the time i think i mean it and then afterwards if i calm down and think about what i said i'm like oh man that wasn't no man you you went overboard there to try to make a point because you were trying to be right that was your focus at that point so so the more this is why people when they're unconscious and when they're arguing and when their ego is in charge they exaggerate everything you you always do this nobody always does anything you know this always happens no that's just that's just somebody trying to make a point so they exaggerate you know that's when you can tell they're unconscious that's when you can tell the ego is in charge that's when you can tell that making a point is more important than truth so don't engage in an argument with them you can't argue with somebody that's conscious so as soon as you when there's somebody that's unconscious and they're arguing and you engage you just became unconscious as soon as you engage arguing with somebody that's unconscious you're unconscious why because it doesn't make any sense you're not you can't argue with somebody that's unconscious rationally you can't have a rational conversation and come to a rational conclusion with somebody that is unconscious it's literally impossible so if you engage with somebody in an argument when they're unconscious welcome to being in their world because you just became unconscious so just find a different way you know get out of it yes less judgment more cowbell your heart chakra needs more cowbell thank you will ferrell on saturday night live um so that's going to do it tonight peeps i hope that helped i hope you got some clarity on um you know the unconscious behavior and where it comes from and how to understand it a little bit better in yourself focus on that then you'll be able to navigate it better in other people um and yeah that's gonna do it for tonight all right thank you thank you thank you and i did see some of your comments thank you for that i was just kind of rolling so i went i just kept going but i did see them uh thank you um let's see yeah that's gonna do it all right thanks guys talk with you soon looking for more check out over 200 episodes of life lessons and laughter or click the link in the description of this episode to connect with glenn glenn directly

Reviews

Very enlightening.. far out I need to seriously practice that pause more in “normal” conversations so prevent that triggered unconscious response and nex minut full blown raging argument 🤪

haha, thank you for the laughs. It was refreshing to agree wholeheartedly with just about everything that you spoke about.

I gotta say that I also relate way too much with the dude that "kills" the conversation at the hypothetical water cooler—I think this naturally happens when you're just done with saying anything/everything to fill a social silence.

Congrats on your sobriety, btw! Keep up the great work 🧃! Thanks again.

Meg

Fabulous thanks