Trying To Control An Ever-Changing Reality

In this episode, Glenn discusses why we have such a strong urge to gain control over our ever changing lives. We delve deep into the meaning of control, and how it makes us feel more connected with something greater than ourselves!

Transcript

Welcome to Life,

Lessons,

And Laughter with your host Glenn Ambrose.

Hello everyone,

Welcome to the first podcast of 2017.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No Ambrose,

Pause right into that.

No,

I was,

That was just bam.

That just happened.

Nice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then we had to call it out.

Absolutely.

As always.

That's because I'm very proud of myself.

You should be.

I know.

He's shaking his head no.

Don't talk about that.

Full transparency.

So anywho,

Today we are talking about changeless reality.

There was the pause.

And changing reality.

So there's both.

I need you to explain that in detail and so do the readers.

So basically the readers are the listeners.

Are they reading a podcast?

Do we have transcripts?

Yes.

So anyway,

So what we're talking about is the changeless reality.

So the changeless reality is the divine.

Our soul is eternal.

That is never changing.

So you know,

It's spiritual.

Everything that is never changing is spiritual.

It always is,

Always has been,

Always will be.

So that's the changeless reality.

Now what I've noticed is that people,

I've always known people were looking for safety in trying to control their environment and their lives.

And that they found a sense of safety when they felt that they could control things and get things a certain way.

You know,

If their relationship was going good and their job was going good and they were living in the right place and their kids were doing good in school and everything was just so,

Then they could relax a little bit and feel safe.

You know,

Which is a problem because nothing ever stays like that.

In the realm that we live in,

Everything is ever changing.

It's always changing.

You know,

So if we are always looking for a sense of security from a changeless situation,

We are in deep trouble because the reality that we live in on this earth is constantly changing.

So I was reading something before my meditation and it talked about the changeless reality and I was like,

Oh,

So that is why people are searching for safety in the way of controlling things.

Because there's an innate part of them,

There's something inside of them that knows that they will feel safe if they are connected to something or living in a reality in which there is no change.

It is changeless.

So what they're actually yearning for is they're yearning for the safety of the connection to the spiritual world,

To their true selves because they're spiritual at the core of their being.

So that's where we get our sense of safety from,

From a changeless reality which is spiritual,

Something that always has been,

Always will be.

So if we have a connection to that,

That's where we can get our sense of safety.

But instead of connecting to that and feeling that sense of safety there,

We try to bring changelessness into a changing world and that just doesn't work.

So that's why people struggle so much.

What do you think?

It's not a difficult concept to accept,

But it's a large concept to accept,

If that makes any sense.

Yeah,

And I think it's,

I think that I want to kind of lay out the framework in the beginning because that's what I want to specifically talk about.

And then I kind of had a feeling I was going to get away from the big picture and that's kind of the big picture and focus more in on the daily struggles that people struggle with.

The daily things that people struggle with,

What does it look like in different people's experiences when they're trying to control things?

And you know,

The holidays,

I mean,

Just this is airing in January,

So just look back in the holidays.

You know,

What was the,

What were the things that you had expectations of?

I was just going to say expectations.

That's one of your favorite words.

Well,

Control is,

You know,

I mean,

I could be wrong here,

But just I'm spitballing.

I think that control is having expectations,

Wanting to meet those expectations and putting things in order.

And then every time you have expectations,

They're going to fail because nothing is ever what you can't think about what something's going to be.

You can't know.

Right.

And in order to control something,

You need to have some sort of preconceived expectation in your mind of what it's supposed to be.

And then you try to form it into that.

So that's trying to control things,

You know,

So over the holidays,

People try to control the,

Control all the family members and control the meal and make sure the meal's just right and make sure the family members are just right.

And you know,

Just kind of make sure everything goes a certain way.

And you know,

A lot of times it's some imaginary thing that they have from a movie or something,

You know,

In their head of a perfect holiday.

And that's going to happen if they if they make that happen,

Then everything's okay.

They have that sense of safety,

You know,

And and it doesn't generally it doesn't play out like that,

Because it's it's not supposed to.

It's it's everything is alive.

Everything is organic.

Everything is ever changing.

So it's evolving and moving.

And that's the beauty of it.

That's why we're here.

We're here to experience a changeless reality.

That's the excitement of it.

You know,

I mean,

What everybody if you really think that if you just went and you got the perfect house and you had enough money in the bank where you could,

You know,

Just you didn't have to go to work and you could just sit there at home and just sit around,

Wake up,

Have breakfast,

Go for a walk,

Come home,

Have lunch,

You know,

Like just a boring,

Monotonous everyday existence that there's no life force flowing through you in that type of existence.

There's no enthusiasm.

There's no life.

There's no excitement.

There's no joy.

There's no,

You know,

It's that's really not what we're looking for.

We're looking for a connection with something that is changeless,

Something that lets us know that everything is okay.

And you know,

That's what we want to feel.

We want to have that knowingness inside that it's okay.

We are loved.

We are provided for.

Everything's going to work out great.

And we want to walk in that.

And we can get that through the connection with our source.

That's where we're supposed to get it from.

Instead,

We're trying to create this reality in an ever changing world that doesn't exist,

You know,

And it's futile.

It's just,

It's never going to happen.

And even if it did,

It would suck the life out of us because there would be no excitement and no joy and no wonder left in our lives,

You know,

And we would have no purpose in being here.

Right.

I was literally talking about this this morning to a friend about how,

You know,

You have like life shouldn't be everything that you want it to be because that's not fun.

That's not like,

That's not real.

So like,

Um,

Like what?

Expand on that.

Okay.

So I had a,

Um,

Like last night,

For example,

Right.

I went over to hang out with my friend's son and,

Um,

The last couple of times that I've done that has been increasingly better and better and like more loving and just he's been in a great mood and he's,

Um,

He's a toddler and he,

You know,

Like it's been great.

The relationship is growing and that's been wonderful.

So last night it was assumed that that would happen again.

And,

And it went away and it wasn't perfect.

You know what I mean?

Like I was specifically trying to go over so that she could do some stuff and,

Um,

He was not having me.

Yeah.

You know,

Just in his mood.

Yeah.

So he wanted his mom and he was not excited about me as he had been previously.

But then he was also at times,

You know,

And,

Um,

We were talking about that this morning and I was like,

That was great though,

You know,

Because it's not cool.

Like I'm glad that he likes me enough to like not like me.

You know what I mean?

But then like me again,

But then,

You know,

Like that's a real,

Yeah,

That's cool.

Like I have a real connection with him now and kids don't know enough to hide that.

Right.

They just are in the mood that they are in and it's their mood based on what's going on inside of them.

It's not personal to you.

And there was nothing that I cannot control.

What's going to happen with this?

Yes.

And that's why,

This is why children teach us so much.

You know,

I mean,

I understand that we are here.

I'm a parent,

So I understand that we're here to guide our children in this world,

But they teach us so much more than we teach them if we pay attention,

You know,

And you just saw some of that.

It's just,

If you look at them,

He's just,

When a kid,

The way we interact with kids is completely different than the way we interact with adults a lot of times.

And really it shouldn't be because,

You know,

You look at a kid and the kid is sitting there going,

You know,

Just in a bad mood.

We don't personalize that.

We don't sit there and go,

Oh my God,

Why is he being such a jerk to me?

Like what I ever do to him and take it all personally and get this attitude,

But we'll do that with an adult.

You know,

When somebody's acting out,

It's because of something that's going on inside of them.

It's not about us.

And we know that with kids.

If some kid walks up to you and says like,

Hey,

I'm going to kick your ass.

You know,

I mean,

You don't take it seriously,

You know,

Like,

Hey,

I'm going to go in,

I'm going to wreck your life.

You're like,

Oh,

Little one,

You know,

You have no power here.

No,

You don't take it seriously.

But an adult walks up and says,

I'm going to wreck your life.

All of a sudden we're like,

Oh my God,

They're after me.

They're going to wreck my life.

Like they don't have any power to wreck your life.

That's just stuff that's going on in their world.

You know,

If we don't give them any power,

They don't have any power over us.

So if we look out the way we interact with kids,

I use that example all the time with people,

You know,

With,

With because they're like,

Oh,

My boss said this to me and my boss,

You know,

This person said this and it's like,

Don't give them the power.

Just don't give them the power.

How would you react if a little kid said that to you?

Oh,

I wouldn't take it too seriously because they don't have the power to do that.

Right.

And neither do adults in most situations,

Even bosses,

You know,

I mean,

In certain situations you have,

Of course you have to listen to what your boss says,

But in,

You know,

If your boss unleashes on you and starts screaming at you,

You have the right to just say,

No,

I'm sorry.

You can't talk to me like that and walk out of the office.

What's he going to do?

Fire you?

Well,

You shouldn't be working there anyway,

If that's the case,

Go get another job.

You know,

There are other jobs.

The universe is not going to punish you because you stood up for yourself.

It will,

If you believe,

If you have faith and you believe and you're just standing up and self love,

You will be provided another job.

If the maniac goes and fires you because you said,

No,

I'm not going to stand here and getting yelled at,

You know,

Most likely he'll just start treating you differently or she'll start treating you differently.

But it's,

We give people way too much power over us that we don't need to.

Um,

Yeah,

Definitely.

So that was,

That was like just one example of,

Of that.

But I was,

But I was thinking about it this morning.

Like,

You know,

You don't have any power over some things and that's awesome that you don't that you can't control situations.

Yeah.

It's learning to be comfortable being uncomfortable.

Right.

You know,

That's,

That's another way to explain getting used to the changing environment in which we live,

You know,

It's everything's changing.

So if,

As if I'm not trying to control it and I'm accepting the change and learning to go with it,

That's uncomfortable at first because society has taught me that change is scary and you know,

I'm,

And I'm supposed to try to control things to feel safe.

So as I'm,

As I'm going through that transition period of,

You know,

Into embracing change and getting used to the change that's in our reality here on earth,

As I'm going through that period,

It's going to be uncomfortable.

So you know,

That's like your action steps to go from trying to control a constantly changing reality to embracing in never changing truth,

Spiritual truth.

As you're going through that,

That middle period,

What you need to do is get comfortable being uncomfortable.

So when change comes and you feel like you're not in control,

That's uncomfortable.

And you sit there and you embrace it and you go,

Okay,

This isn't that bad.

I can relax.

I'm cared for.

Everything's going to be okay.

I'm all right.

And just relax into it and not resist the change and the uncomfortability of it.

And then after a while you get comfortable being uncomfortable.

And then all of a sudden change isn't uncomfortable anymore.

You know,

Then all of a sudden you're just kind of comfortable all the time and you look up and you go,

Why am I comfortable all the time?

How did I get here?

You know,

What does this mean?

Oh,

This means I've gotten used to the reality that I live in an ever changing world.

I've gotten used to that reality.

And the way I got used to that reality is because I found my sense of comfort in the never changing reality.

You know,

I got my sense of comfort knowing that everything's okay and I'm loved.

I got that sense from the divine truth from God.

You know,

Because that's where we're supposed to get it from.

So as I bring that knowing that I'm okay and everything is going to be fine in,

Then the uncomfortability of living in a constantly changing world diminishes.

It gets it gets a lot more comfortable to live here.

I was I was thinking also about a lesson that I learned or something that I started to notice which was sometimes when you have really like big expectations and you're really trying to control things because you'd like to meet those,

You want something to meet your expectations.

If you focus really hard on trying to control everything,

You can ruin the thing that is better than what you want.

Absolutely.

You know,

Like let it play out and whatever really is going to happen will probably be better.

Yeah,

You can walk in a direction of your of what you want,

But leave the door open for the universe to surprise you with something better.

You know,

That's that's you know,

Always go with that sense of wonder.

And you know,

Boy,

We're bringing up Gladys Allen a lot.

We might have to have her back on the show because she came up on the last show,

But she always says,

You know,

Oh,

I want more.

Once she experiences something good,

She says,

Oh,

I want more of this or something even better.

Yeah.

So,

Yeah,

So or something even better,

Because we have our perspective is limited.

You know,

The universe has a lot grander perspective,

Knows us better than we know ourselves,

So can provide us with something that we didn't even know we wanted.

You know,

And that that was how I ended up in my new space.

You know,

I'm sitting there and I'm like,

Oh,

OK,

Well,

You know,

I I want something different and I started looking for it.

I started looking to downsize my business space so I could focus more on what I really want to do and get away from some of the things that I was doing that I didn't really want to continue doing.

So I started looking for a new space and I found a space that looked perfect for me.

And the universe came in and said,

No.

Like four days before I was going to start moving,

All of a sudden the place fell through and I had already put down a deposit on it and everything.

So now as soon as I got that news,

I was like,

OK,

Then there must be something better that I don't know about because this place looked perfect.

But apparently it wasn't,

You know,

And then a couple of weeks later I kept looking and I found the place that I'm in now.

You know,

And the place I'm in now is brand new.

It's got a beautiful.

It's got a beautiful view of a pond and I'm on a seven acre horse farm and it's it's just peaceful and it's,

You know,

It's beautiful out here and it's quieter.

The other place was on a main road.

Not as busy as the one that I was previously on,

But still on a main road where this is set back and you know,

It's more more of a quiet,

Serene atmosphere,

Which I really like to live in.

So,

You know,

It's but that now if if I was sitting there and I was trying to control everything,

I would have been freaking out because my the place that I looked at that I thought was perfect for me fell through.

Oh my God.

Well,

This,

You know,

Now all of a sudden I'm a victim and this stinks and it's no good and why why did this happen to me?

Poor me and life is unfair and and all this stuff.

And then if I would have gotten caught up in that energy,

I probably would have stopped looking and I wouldn't have found the place that I'm in now.

But instead I went,

OK,

Well,

The universe must have something better planned for me.

I'll keep my eyes open,

Keep looking for it.

And if I meant to see it,

I will see it.

You know,

That's another little thing that like the place that I'm in my new space,

I actually saw this space like a week or two before and it said no pets.

And one of the things that I wanted,

I want to get a dog.

So it said no pets.

And I was like,

Well,

I'm not if I'm supposed to.

I remember looking at it because I saw a seven acre horse farm and I was like,

Oh my God,

That would be wonderful.

Yeah.

But I was like,

You know what?

If I'm supposed to see this place,

It's going to look right to me.

I'm not going to chase down a bunch of places that don't look good just to make sure they're not right.

Right.

I'm not going to do that.

It's a waste of my time and that's me trying to control things.

So what I'm going to do is I'm just going to look at the places that I think look good.

And if I'm supposed to see something,

The universe will make sure it looks good to me.

So when I saw this place,

It said no pets.

I said,

I'm not even looking at it.

So I didn't.

And then all of a sudden,

Like a week and a half later,

Somebody,

I posted something on Facebook that I was looking for a place and somebody posted this same seven acre horse farm on my post,

Somebody that I don't know and said,

Hey,

Check out this place.

My friend owns this.

You should check it out.

And I don't even know these people.

So and then somebody else and I go,

Oh,

I noticed,

I was like,

Oh,

That's the one that's on the seven acre horse farm that doesn't allow pets.

And somebody else made a comment about it not allowing pets on a horse farm that that was weird.

You know,

So I,

It got me thinking for a minute and I went,

Maybe they do allow pets,

But it has to be a certain type of pet because of the horses.

So I contacted,

So now also in the universe made sure it grabbed my attention.

So then I contacted the owner and I said,

Listen,

I'd like to get a dog,

But I don't have one.

Would I be able to get one as long as it was good with the horses?

She said,

Yes.

Oh,

Okay.

Now all of a sudden it fits my criteria.

I'll go take a look.

Then I came and took a look and I mean,

It was just coincidence after coincidence after coincidence that that everything fell into place and let me know that it was the perfect place for me.

You know,

But that's,

That is trusting,

You know,

Trusting the universe,

Going with the change,

Not feeling like a victim.

And you know,

Keeping my eyes open for what the universe is trying to bring into me.

That's awesome.

This feels like a,

This place feels like a more serene,

Quiet,

Like perfect place for you.

Yeah.

Perfect place for a life coach.

Yeah.

It's very nice.

It is.

It's quiet.

The view of the pond.

Yeah.

The view of the pond and the nature trails literally out my back door.

Yeah.

Like that,

You know,

I mean,

I'm going to be doing,

Well,

Most likely,

Unless the universe has different plans,

Most likely I'll be taking,

You know,

Like nature walks with my clients during sessions when the weather's nice.

Like,

You know,

That's,

It's beautiful.

It's beautiful out here.

So it's,

You know,

But I allowed myself to be directed here without trying to control every aspect.

And I said,

You know,

I told the universe,

Hey,

If I'm not going to chase down everything that doesn't look good.

So if you want me at a specific place,

Make sure it grabs my attention,

Make sure it looks good.

You know,

And it did.

It went,

Oh,

You overlooked that one because of the pet thing.

Let's let's bring it back into his,

Into his view and make sure that he sees this because this is going to be a good place for him.

All right.

So we're a week into the new year.

And how does control affect or,

Or have any correlation with like new year's resolutions?

Yeah,

Well,

That's a lot of times people want to make changes and they go about trying to control things.

They want to gain more control.

Right.

A new year's resolution is like,

I want to take control of this.

A lot of times it is.

I mean,

You know,

There's,

There's healthier versions of that,

You know,

Walking,

You know,

That's why I always say walk in a direction of what you want.

Just walk in a direction.

It doesn't matter.

You know,

We oftentimes we try to control the path to what we want.

And generally that never works.

It just doesn't work.

Because it,

You know,

Each step we take,

We become a different person,

More capable of taking the next.

So we can't really see what the 10th step is and how we're supposed to take it because we're not the person that we will be when we're standing at the ninth.

You know,

So,

So we need to leave plus,

You know,

It's,

It's the,

Or something even better,

You know,

Oftentimes we're walking towards something and that's not even what we're supposed to be walking towards.

It's just,

That's the closest thing that's in our vision that we think we want,

You know,

So we start walking and then all of a sudden we get a little closer and it finds out,

We find out more about it and we go,

Oh geez,

Maybe,

Maybe that's not everything I thought it was.

Maybe that isn't right for me.

But where you're standing,

If you start looking around,

You'll find something that is even better.

You know,

So that's why we walk in a direction of what we want.

And that's what our resolution should be is to walk in a direction constantly looking around going,

Is there something even better here for me?

You know,

Is there,

Instead of getting so locked onto something that we won't look around,

You know,

I think that's one of the biggest aspects of it and understanding that,

That if one of the biggest mistakes people do is they make things too big or they have too many steps.

So if it's in steps and you have 10 steps,

Like touched on this already,

You know,

You might not know what some of the steps are further down the road.

So don't go that far.

Or if it's a situation where you can kind of calculate some of the steps right into your plan that you're going to leave room for adjustments as it goes,

You know,

So don't plan too far ahead.

Most reasons that people fail at their resolutions is because they're too big.

So you know,

Make,

Take baby steps.

You know,

Instead of,

Instead of going to the gym five days a week,

Changing your diet and quitting smoking and drinking all on January 1st,

Start going to the gym twice a week for 20 or 30 minutes and get into that habit,

You know,

And then a month later go a third day.

And then,

You know,

Just whatever it is,

Just baby steps to get smaller because then you succeed and every time you succeed,

Your self love grows and you get more confident in yourself.

And then you take the next step and then you feel better about yourself and more confident in yourself.

Then you take the next step.

You know,

That's how we're constantly growing,

Expanding and becoming better as opposed to just putting this gigantic goal on your plate,

Becoming overwhelmed and not being able to meet it and then feeling depressed that you didn't meet it.

And then the more that you walk in that direction and give in to change,

The less you will feel the need to control your ever changing reality in an effort to be more connected with the never changing changeless reality.

Did I sum that up?

I think so.

Yeah.

Boom.

Boom.

Mic drop.

I'm not going to really do it because Dave will get mad.

Yeah,

That,

That is it though.

That is it.

What you want to do is just,

You know,

Go for the ride a little,

You know,

Go for the ride.

It's enjoyable.

You're going to experience different things.

Some days you're going to be sad.

Some days you're going to be irritable.

Some days you're going to be happy.

You know,

It's,

It's all part of this ever changing reality.

So don't hold onto it too tightly.

Just go for the ride and keep walking in a direction of your dreams,

Knowing that everything changes.

Now I am really grateful to have you there as I'm walking in that direction.

So if other people would like to have that opportunity,

How would they get a hold of you?

Oh,

I see what you did there.

That was beautiful.

For some life coaching and whatnot.

Yes.

Just reach out life-enhancement-services.

Com and that's the best way to reach me.

And I work by phone,

Skype and anywhere in the world.

I can work with people.

So with this beautiful technology we have.

So that's how you can reach me if you need some guidance and some,

Some help becoming comfortable being uncomfortable.

And that is going to do it for the show today.

So thanks for listening,

Everybody.

And we'll talk to you soon.

Reviews

A radio show type discussion between two friends more than a talk, but it works really well like that. Very human and accessible, around what is a big, big area: control and fear of change in life as opposed to the constancy of the spiritual. Very helpful.

Great podcast! Practical advice combined with inspiration🙏🏻

Yep! Another mind melding podcast that blew my socks off!

Glenn is the man! 🙂🙂

This was an amazing podcast! The concept that you are trying to control when you want to feel safe by using someone or something other than you're spiritual connection to source is eye opening.

This was extremely helpful and exactly what I needed! So glad I found this. Bookmarked to come back to later. Thank you for sharing and blessings 🌺

This is THE critical concept in our world today and the difference btn living conscious or unconscious life. There is a reality beyond form. Also a new way to understand controlling behaviors. 🙏❤️

Weird, but every time I listen, it always seems you know why I’m listening and what I’m going through!!! Amazing!! Thank you!!

I can’t know, and I’m ok with that🙏🏻❤️
Thank you Glenn! You Rock!💫🌎🌊

Beautiful! Thank you ✨✨✨

I agree that opportunities we give ourselves for even the smallest successes help empower or increase our self love. Great talk!!