The Purpose Of The Past

What is the purpose of the past? Why do we have a memory? How can it serve us? What happens when we use it in improper ways? Everything has a positive side and a negative side, in this episode we look at both sides of the gift we all have of a memory.

Transcript

Welcome to life lessons and laughter with your host Glenn Ambrose Hello,

Welcome to life lessons and laughter and there's probably gonna be plenty of laughter Because this is recording too,

Right Aubrey Yes,

Sir.

Yes,

Sir Yeah,

We should record the time in between the recordings We should that would be like and we could release it like a bloopers reel You know like at the end of the movie like when they're playing the credits and you get all these We should then but yeah,

Our movie ideas would get out and then you know,

Yeah,

Then I don't know Somebody might just jack our ideas and then we're out millions Yeah,

Those we have to hold those dear.

Oh So,

Yeah We have fun so like what we're talking about the past your memories What is their purpose what's the purpose of your past what's the purpose of us having a memory?

Because it can get in the way It can cause problems.

So this is this is how my brain functions Which which I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing But yeah,

This is this type of stuff that I think about sometimes,

You know,

I stopped like when I so this started because probably of a conversation with somebody and I started seeing how How the past causes a lot of fear and worry,

You know,

A lot of us use the past as You know,

It's detrimental the way we use the past so I was kind of seeing that and I'm like well If there's a negative side,

There must be a positive side Because everything is yin and yang and so it started that's what my brain did You know and like let's go in the direction of this.

So what is the negative side of the past?

Which I have to talk to people about And show them and and go don't do that Do this,

You know,

So I'm kind of exposed to the negative side So I want to gain clarity on what the positive side was and that's you know,

That's where this idea stemmed from So I was looking at it and it was like well,

What's the what's the purpose?

You know and what I came up with was was learning.

Of course we can learn from our past Sometimes thinking back about our past can give us comfort Which kind of leans in with nostalgia?

You know,

It can be not just thinking back about the past and good times.

It can make us feel good You know,

So so that's a benefit I don't know.

What do you think?

Is there any other?

I think like I mean the most basic the most basic thing I guess is like a feel-good,

Right?

Like you replay things and it and it makes you feel good or feel loved or what,

You know,

Whatever the case is But I think it can be detrimental because well,

No we're sticking to the positive Go ahead Like you're bringing up memories You can say something happened and it was a memory like a theory or something Like that like you for example,

Just you know,

You touched your hand on the stove as a kid,

You know,

And you burnt yourself You could take that memory and remember it and not put your hand on the stove moving forward It's gonna be beneficial for you Or maybe you don't cook anything for the rest of your life because you have all this fear from that memory Exactly.

Yeah,

That's that's it.

That's the difference between learning from something that you've done and Then having fear control your life being petrified of a stove.

I'm never using a stove because of this bad experience It's like well,

It's not like you know,

That was an isolated experience It doesn't mean you know people use stoves every day and they don't get hurt by it that's when it becomes irrational when the fear when the fear takes us over and We're no longer using the fear of the stove We're no longer using the the logical part of the brain to Learn a lesson and implement that lesson in our lives to better our lives.

We're just going no that bad bad No,

You know,

It's like I You know and people do that a lot,

You know,

And it's you know,

I think I think today's day and age this is more of a Problem because of the technology and where we've come in society Like you don't really have you know,

Like you can literally live a life where you expose yourself to nothing Pretty much anymore,

You know,

You can have your food delivered.

You can work online you get you you know people more and more people are becoming a recluse in their own home because You can you know a hundred years ago.

You didn't have that option No,

So you got over stuff.

Yeah,

So it's like now it's like,

You know,

You can you can get away with with having an irrational fear Yeah,

Just saying oh,

This is just how I am For sure.

You could never leave your house if you don't want to now with working from home and getting things delivered and shopping like there's no reason really but you'd have Leave your house if you never want to go home Right and and like a lot,

You know,

We we we run from uncomfortability Instead of facing it a lot of times to which which feeds this so it's like,

You know something we don't like I mean where we're conditioned almost to to to Use our memory wrong Yeah,

You know just by the social conditioning like,

You know that that we're all raised to To stuff our feelings if we don't feel you know,

If we're not happy stuff it don't face it Don't allow yourself to feel it.

You know,

You can't cry you can't you know,

This is This is like one of the beginning aspects of Spirituality is learning to feel your feelings That actually be able to feel them so they can process and release instead of just stuffing them into a box You know so which is good.

It's you know,

Like we we're finally learning to process our feelings in in a healthy way You know if if you're heading in a spiritual path,

But the general population isn't you know So then you stuff your feelings.

Okay.

I don't like the way this feels I'll stuff it so I won't face it I won't deal with it.

So You know it starts there and then there's one then another thing and another oh,

I don't like the way that feels Well,

I just won't expose myself to it.

I don't like the way that I you know,

I Got nervous when that person slammed into my grocery car at the grocery store You know and and like they looked at me really weird and and it was creepy So I'm not gonna lie.

I was like,

I was like,

I don't know.

I was like,

I don't know I could they looked at me really weird and and it was creepy.

So I'm gonna you know,

I'm just gonna have my groceries Delivered now,

It's like well You know,

We Need to participate,

You know,

We have to be okay being around one another I saw this when when my son was little well,

I don't it might have been like when he moved in with me because like He was his mom really wanted him raised Catholic.

So When he moved in with me that was actually part of the court stuff like I and I was like fine I'll support it,

You know,

Whatever so But then his mom wasn't in his life.

So I had to take him to church So so here I am back in Catholic Church Like I was raised and Is that how funny is that how life works it is it was it was interesting,

You know And it was really actually cool because I was like,

Okay,

I'm I'm kind of stuck here You know,

I need to do this.

So there must be a reason for it So it was kind of cool because I could I could listen to the teachings from a spiritually awakened Perspective as opposed to the perspective that I was when I was a child You know and it was cool because I could look for the spiritual messages in it,

You know And three-quarters of the time there was there was actually a good message in the teachings You know,

I think about 25% of the time I was sitting there listening to the priest going Ah,

You missed the point on this one By the time by the time I stopped going I thought I was really seriously debating like maybe I'm here to help the priest I was like gonna go have a conversation with him and explain some of the gaps in the teaching.

Let me talk about Do you know this parable you said the lesson was this but it was actually that like you kind of missed it Let me break it down for you.

Actually let me just I'm just gonna take over That's fine for today.

I mean if you want to have me as a guest speaker,

I completely understand So Fortunately,

We stopped going to church Before that happened,

But one time one time we're there and there's this part in church where you say Where you shake hands Peace be with you Peace be with you and also with you or I think they changed the wording nowadays,

But but whatever That's what we said when I was a kid.

And so we go and you use that's the part of the mass so I turn around and I stick my hand out to this older gentleman that was behind us and and I'm smiling and kind of connecting with him in the eyes and After you know several seconds.

I noticed that there is no hand touching my hand And all sudden I'm like so I I Stopped looking at him and I looked down at his hand and his hands are by his side and he's just looking at me like pleasantly But basically saying I'm not interested in shaking your hand You know,

So and that you know,

Then all sudden it clicked like oh this guy doesn't want to shake hands got it Smile peace be with you and turned around,

You know,

So Now I'm thinking you know now I'm thinking and like all I can feel is fear Like this guy is so he's scared to touch another human being and I you know I felt sad that he was like that that he was so scared that he didn't want to touch another human being Yeah,

You know now,

You know,

I realize I don't know everything who knows Maybe this guy had a you know Autoimmune disease that that I didn't you know wasn't aware of and he was just being protective or whatever But I saw it as a learning opportunity about fear for my son.

So I waited until we left and I said Hey,

Did you notice that and he was like,

Yeah,

What was all that about and I said,

You know I said well I got the feeling it was fear.

I don't know but But it's a good lesson about fear.

I was like even even if this isn't true for that gentleman It's true for other people in the world and it is how fear works So the way fear works is if you give it if you give it room it takes more It's just it will you know,

Like if you don't confront your fear It will constantly take over more and more of you,

You know Because where do you draw the line if you cave to your fear every time?

Then you every time you feel uncomfortable Well,

I don't you know,

I don't like the dark.

I'm scared of the dark.

Okay.

Well,

I'll get a nightlight Okay.

Well,

I'll get a nightlight.

Okay,

You get a nightlight.

Okay.

Well,

You know,

What you know,

Which some of this is fine I mean,

It's just embedded in our society and we do little things like that.

It's okay But at some point you have to draw the line,

You know,

I'm scared of spiders Okay.

Well,

You you know,

It's okay to be scared of spiders and maybe you could walk away Put a glass over it Ask somebody else to get it out like But but if you have something that's literally this big or smaller and you are flipping crap Screaming bloody murder and running.

I've seen people do this.

It's like that's a little much Just a little much some people are scared of elevators some people are scared of everything You know,

So when it kind of crosses that line where it starts impeding on your life You have to start drawing lines Otherwise,

It will take over more and more and more of your life if you allow it to Yeah,

You know and I was like,

You know,

It's possible that this guy You know,

Where did that start?

See,

You know,

The reason I was having this conversation with my son was because he was experiencing fear in a situation Recently,

So it's a perfect learning opportunity,

You know,

So I was like,

I don't remember what his fear was at that time But he needed to work through it.

So I was like,

Where did it start?

It could have started here,

You know,

And I used his life example Maybe it was you know,

Maybe it started there and then he didn't overcome that So then it turned into something else and turned into something else then it turned into something else and then you know Now he's you know in his 80s and he's scared.

He's literally scared to make physical contact with another fellow human being That's what happens,

You know,

So that is how you know when when That that's when you know fear is controlling us which in an unhealthy way From a past experience,

You know,

So this is that's probably the main reason how we how we use it negatively You know,

We use fear to keep us stuck and thinking that if something happened once it's gonna Happen again,

You know,

It's like it a minute We do that a lot like like I'll be talking with somebody and they'll you know,

They'll be like,

Oh,

Well,

I'm not gonna you know I'm not gonna do that and it's like well why well because I tried that once and it didn't go well like Yeah,

But like you're a different person now and the situation is different.

So,

You know,

Like like somebody could have Like people generalize with this stuff.

So to try to make it a little bit more realistic I guess like sometimes people could could look for another job and then Find it and then go take that job and that job sucks and they hate it and then they're stuck in it And they can't get out of it for like a year or something and they hate that year and it was the worst year of their Life because they really hated this job and it was all that so then they get another job and they don't they don't like that job They're not happy But at least it's not that really horrible one that they were stuck in for a year.

So it's like oh you don't like your job Well,

Why don't you go find another job?

Oh,

No.

No No,

I tried that before.

I Went and found another job that I thought I was gonna like and it was horrible Not going through that again Yeah,

You know people literally will do it for things like that.

It's like People do it with everything,

You know,

I feel like I see that a lot with relationships,

You know,

I see that a lot especially in like romantic relationships with people where they'll have a bad experience and then you know There's just one little thing that maybe they recognize from a memory or something,

You know,

And it validates their fear you know,

It's like oh I remember that from when I saw it before which means what happened before is happening now and I'm not dating anyone You know,

It's it's it's that generalization I think that's really dangerous too when we when we bring that in from our memories It's like every it's a it's a painting with such a broad brush Yeah,

Exactly And it's it's like that that's a good example is in the dating world because a lot of people a lot of people know that You know,

I was an alcoholic active alcoholic for 20 years.

So so when they come to me like With like when they're dating and they come to me and if somebody drinks too much on a date They get very excited to talk to me about it Because because you know,

I know about addiction.

I was an alcoholic You know,

This is a major part of my identity Glenn will understand,

You know,

So they come to me and they're like,

Yeah,

So I went on a date and this guy You know,

He he drank definitely drank too much,

You know,

So So,

You know how that is.

So,

You know,

I mean my my father was an alcoholic,

You know Or my ex-husband was an alcoholic or my ex-boyfriend was an alcoholic.

So I'm just you know,

I'm Definitely ending that I'm not seeing them anymore,

Right?

Right Glenn and I'm like no like sometimes normal.

Maybe he was nervous Yeah Like,

You know,

Maybe it was a maybe he had a rough day at work Maybe it was just maybe he never drinks and it hit him hard Like don't worry about it.

Don't be so quick to rush to a judgment There's an alcoholic the best thing you can do to find out if somebody is an alcoholic is let them drink Let them feel comfortable Let them show you who they are and it's not just alcohol with everything relax stop judging people so quickly and and just Accept them as they are and let them show you if you're relaxed like if an alcoholic is going to hide Their drinking they're going to hide it from somebody that they think is judging them for it You know people can feel that So if you're if they're you know,

If they're drinking like They order a second beer and you go.

Oh,

You're ordering a second beer the alcoholic goes Oh this person watches my drink and really closely.

I better hide it from them for sure,

Right?

But if you're sitting there and they order a second beer and a third and a fourth and you're just like yeah,

Whatever Don't even let it faze you Then they feel oh,

Okay.

I can be myself around this person.

That's what we want to do We want to give people the ability to be themselves around us.

Yeah,

That way we can see who the hell they are.

Right?

If we if we try controlling them or judging them or stuff like that or running away because they had one off day It's like,

You know,

You might miss out on somebody,

You know,

Like like I said,

You know Maybe they don't drink very often and it hit them really hard Unexpectedly big and they were nervous and all that stuff and then all sudden you you know if if you if you don't judge them for that one particular time and You go out two three four five times and it never happens again Also,

You start developing feelings for this person and you're like,

Hey this it might be alright,

You know,

Maybe then you bring it up Yeah,

Hey,

What was that?

Remember that first day?

What was that about?

Oh my god.

I know I was so embarrassed I mean,

I just it's that's not me and you know,

Like all sudden,

You know And then all sudden you find out you have a problem.

You have a person here that doesn't actually have a drinking problem Right,

You know,

But it's that memory and that fear that you're gonna you're gonna duplicate the past,

You know It's it's a big asset and this is Where I I got to this place where I was dating That's why it's such a good example that you brought up.

Like I you know,

I I would date and I'm you know,

Yeah you're always trying to figure out if it's the right person and you know and all this stuff and when I just like go of All that and just I like for me.

I was like,

How did I date when I was younger?

I wasn't looking for somebody that I was gonna marry I just want to go out and have it and you know This person seemed cool and I want to go hang out with her So I did and we usually had a good time and sometimes we date for a little while Sometimes it would end I fell in love a couple of times You like it was just very natural and it wasn't so controlling So when I relaxed and I stopped trying to figure out is this the right person?

You know,

What are they?

Stop putting so much mental energy to it I just relaxed and started enjoying another human beings company and the dates were really fun Even if it didn't turn into anything and then after three or four dates usually like One of us would be like Not really feeling it.

Are you?

Yeah,

Not really.

All right.

Well,

You're really cool though You know best wishes and then we just usually wouldn't see each other again.

Sometimes we'd remain friends You know,

But it was cool.

No hard feelings.

It was very relaxed.

No judgments and Actually became fun again,

You know because I wasn't but I mean shit.

I'm By the time you're in your 50s.

You can have a laundry list of Stuff that are warning indicators Yeah You know,

Yeah,

So nobody's gonna pass all of that Right,

They're gonna show a symptom that they might possibly be dysfunctional in some way and as soon as they do you like Oh,

I ain't going down that road.

Yeah,

You're almost like waiting for it,

You know Waiting and looking for it to happen to shoot a drop So that and I think it also,

You know validates it feeds the ego because then you get to also be right Exactly,

And this is that's and that's where it really gets dysfunctional You know when we're doing this type of stuff,

You know that that was a really good that was a really good point because it's like when you start when you start understanding why People do things like why it works why it catches on like why did it catch on to use our memory in a bad way?

Well because it feeds our ego because we're right and that's what we're addicted to we like being right Yeah,

No,

So it's like oh,

Yeah.

Well,

So I and and and and I and and we'll never find out if we're wrong.

That's the beauty of it So it's just an automatic ego stroke and then every time we think about it we can feel good We can be like,

Oh,

Yeah,

I picked right up on that one.

I'm awesome.

I didn't fall for that I'm good,

You know We yeah,

You know It's like I fell for that but I knew it was gonna happen.

So yeah,

So you didn't quite I knew I Am right.

Yeah,

So I'm still right even though I was wrong Right,

I'll flip it and rationalize it and find out why I'm right.

So I feel better about myself I want all the credit none of the blame.

Yes.

Thank you.

Perfect Yeah,

So this is you know,

That's that's that's how things That's how things catch on Societally,

You know when we're living in an unconscious society and that's addicted to Ego strokes and things like that,

You know and and and people support us in that Yeah,

You did catch him way to go,

You know like that Yeah,

All right,

And we feel better about ourselves for ten minutes,

You know,

But it's And then we have to find something else to be right about and then we'll feel better.

You know,

It's just So we're never actually truly happy No,

We're we're we're filling that hole and that hole inside of us is that Safety feeling that that peaceful safety love feeling,

You know,

And it's it's just size of spirituality It's it's your truth fills that You know once you connect to your truth Then you feel safe then you feel loved and you feel peace contentment and you can only get that within yourself You can only connect that allow it to bubble up within yourself and connect to that And then once you connect to that Then you and you know you're safe then you don't have to run around trying to protect yourself from everything and you can relax a little Bit,

You know,

That's really filling the hole until then we just fill it with with the idea of Dirt with the idea of love You know then so we go.

Oh,

I'm right that holes filled five minutes later.

We're like,

Oh that holes back That's weird.

I Just filled it Fill it again.

Can I fill it again?

Yeah.

Ah,

There we go And we're just get we're addicted to that.

That's how we live distraction and illusion Distract ourselves from the fact that there's a hole by staying busy never stopping and then As often as we can stroking our ego to fill it and feel good about ourselves by complaining about things You know by thinking we're right By latching on to what we're right to feel good This is what like one of the big things that happened with me during the kovat thing,

You know where everybody was arguing Was like I I wasn't on either side and that really confused people They like they couldn't logically understand how I wasn't on a side So like if I said something that was anti mask or anti-vax or not even anti just questioning it If I would question something well,

I like why?

Why should I trust?

The government or why that's proven to lie to me or why should I trust the pharmaceutical companies that have paid billions of dollars for lying About this exact particular type of stuff.

Why should I trust?

Oh,

You're anti-vax No,

I'm just as i'm just questioning why I should trust somebody that's been proven to lie to me That's all i'm just asking a question You know and they're like,

Oh well then then you're anti-vax.

No,

I'm just asking I don't know the answer.

Maybe they're telling me the truth.

Yeah.

Oh,

So you're pro-vax No,

I'm not I'm,

Not pro-vax.

I don't know that they're telling me the truth I just understand that there's a possibility that they might be telling me the truth But there's also a possibility that they might be lying to me to make money And I don't know which one it is Yeah,

And i'm okay there That drove people crazy because that's how we find a sense of safety by picking a side and believing that side's right Absolutely,

Then we think we know what's going on and we don't feel all that discomfort from not knowing I'm,

Very comfortable not knowing I like that.

That's when I know i'm on to something When I don't know It's like okay good then i'm looking at it realistically because there's multiple perspectives for everything Then i'm looking at it realistically because there's multiple perspectives for everything Yeah,

And I don't have access to most of the information that's necessary to come to the final conclusion usually Yeah,

So so good.

So then when I know that I don't know i'm like i'm i'm probably where I should be I I like that too because then I just know i'm not overly attached to the outcome If I don't know Right in the state of not knowing and I can give away my control and I don't need to figure it out or label Or it's a lot of work to right It's a lot of work to lie to yourself.

So you feel safe.

Yeah And create all kinds of yes,

But did you hear this study?

Well,

Right.

Yes,

I did.

But then this study said the exact opposite Well,

Yeah,

But that's a lie Oh,

Well,

How do you know that that's a lie and that's true?

Well because mine backs what I believe to be true And that one doesn't Mine fits my narrative That's how I know of course it's true,

I mean what are you an idiot?

Yeah,

Yeah,

So,

You know this is so when we you know when we understand the dynamics of how we work and why we're trying to feel safe and and Protect ourselves.

We're constantly trying to protect ourselves You know so and and feel safe and there isn't safety here in the transient world is safety through spirituality contentment peace love knowing when you're connected to something bigger than you and you know that you're eternal and you're safe and everything's ultimately,

Okay Yeah,

That's where the true safety comes from and then when you look at you know past experiences Experiences you can use them to learn You go.

Okay,

You know,

It's strictly a learning no judgment only learning but you have to But you have to have the safety in place before you can learn from those experiences Do you know you you can still learn from your past like like it can be It's like if you use something,

Right it's going to serve you So like my father was is really good at this,

You know,

Like he just figures out what works You know Like and that's enough for him.

He doesn't dive into the spirituality Aspect of it and all that stuff,

But if he looks at something and he goes,

Okay Well,

You know five times I did this and five times I did this And the five times I did it this way It was bad five times.

I did it this way it worked out Well,

I'm going to do the way that works good idea.

Yeah,

Like no spirituality involved But he but he doesn't feel like a victim Of the the five times it didn't work out and he doesn't try to protect himself from it.

He just He doesn't he doesn't let fear control him either You know,

I guess maybe that's where I got it.

You know,

Like it's yeah I when that when I was a kid,

I remember him saying that like he worked in a In it his whole life And he worked he liked working inside one company Until they closed he went to another one then stayed with that one,

But he would move laterally within the company And at one point he became he he didn't know what he wanted to do next And he had this fear of public speaking So he was like,

Okay.

Well How can I get over this fear of public speaking?

I don't like having a fear So it was like well,

I could become a teacher Within this and and train sales forces and teach so i'm in front of a class all day pup in front People a group of people speaking Okay,

So he took that job,

You know,

So And and and it worked,

You know,

He put him in this him So he walked into the fear instead of walking away from it.

That's how we get over his fear That's how we get over his fear by doing it.

Yeah,

The only way out is the right way out The only way out is through Exactly.

So he lives all these spiritual laws without even knowing that they're spiritual laws Yeah But but that's you know,

So that's how he looks at things.

He doesn't you know,

He doesn't Like another thing that he said is I don't believe in regret Because you know when I use my brain to make the best choice possible whenever i'm in a life situation I don't just run around doing random stuff.

He's like I look at it.

I assess it I research I look into it and then I make the best choice possible for me at that time with the knowledge that I have So I don't regret anything ever Because like yeah,

Maybe two years down the road.

I look back and I go.

Wow,

I shouldn't have done that But I realized that i'm not the same person now.

I have new information that I didn't have back then Yeah,

So how could I have met I made the best decision with the information that I had at that time So,

Why would I regret it?

Yeah,

I didn't try to screw up You only know what you know Right So and I and I made the best decision I could at that time with what I knew so So it is what it is if it didn't turn out the way I thought it would well now I know more You know like that.

Yeah Yeah,

So so that's a good use of the past because you know Like if you use the past that way if you use your memories That way you go.

Okay,

So I made the best choice possible No regret.

No fear nothing to protect myself from I just made a choice and I apparently I was missing some Helpful knowledge at that time because this turned out like crap So what is that helpful knowledge?

I was missing.

Oh,

It was this piece in this piece If I would have known those things I would have made a different choice Right.

Okay,

Cool.

Let's learn from now.

Okay.

So now next time i'm in that situation I'm going to look for those other two pieces of information that I didn't have last time when I made the mistake Right So that's constantly learning from your past becoming a better version of yourself and that is an alignment with nature Because we're constantly becoming a better version of ourselves and we're learning from the past.

That's an asset to us Right,

But what a lot of people do is they go all like that turned out like crap See,

I don't know what i'm doing I'm such a moron and they judge themselves and they regret choices that they make That they didn't have the ability to make anything different Yeah You know so going back and beating yourself up for it doesn't really change it now No,

It just what it does is it lowers your energy and your self-esteem because now you've labeled yourself as bad and ignorant Now you think of yourself as ignorant You're not ignorant.

Yeah If you use the past If you use it to learn you're an expanded version of yourself Right as opposed to limiting yourself So if you use your past to beat yourself up and to make it better You use your past to beat yourself up and to feel bad about yourself and to push your put yourself down And it works with everything,

You know I used to talk about a version of this with the with people trying to go to the gym You know because I was a personal trainer for 15 years or more so so it's like so people like that that our perspective on On how we how we process information in this way our memory our past experiences determines our future Immensely and our level of self-love because if somebody goes i'm gonna go to the gym Right.

We're almost in january.

So,

You know,

Everybody's gonna Have the new year's resolution and start going to the gym in january and we go Okay.

Well,

Uh,

Yeah,

I said I was gonna go to the gym last week three times and I didn't even go once I'm such a loser.

I can't I can't keep up with that You know,

I said I was gonna do it and I didn't do it I mean what kind of moron can't just go somewhere for a half an hour three times a week.

That's ridiculous I'm,

Just no good and we beat ourselves up and put ourselves down and call ourselves stupid And then and if you pay attention to the energy,

It's just getting lower and lower.

I'm i'm a moron I should be able to do that.

I didn't do it I'm such a loser that type of talk even if it's not that harsh that type of talk Just lowers our energy and it makes us feel like crap about ourselves And then when you feel like crap about yourself,

Do you feel?

When you feel like crap about yourself,

Do you feel all hopeful and energetic and wanting to jump into something new?

No You feel like sitting on the couch eating bonbons,

You know watching netflix Yeah You know because why because you feel bad about yourself and you're not really empowered but if you do the opposite And you go,

Okay.

I was supposed to go to I I said I was going to go to the gym three times Last week and I didn't okay.

Well,

How can I learn from this?

Okay.

Well Three times was obviously too much When we don't accomplish something It's usually because it's just too big Yeah,

Like let's find a more realistic Uh a realistic Yeah,

Instead we keep ourselves We keep ourselves stuck because we go.

Well,

I should be able to go three times a week.

Yeah Should that's illusionary it's it's made up who said you should be Like it's not written somewhere Yeah,

Like the rule is not written somewhere Right the rule you made up for yourself that you broke.

Is that like the 11th commandment?

Did that stone break was that the like the 11th commandment That nobody else knows about that.

You should be able to go to gym three,

You know,

So cut it down smaller Oh three times a week was too big Well,

Right,

Okay,

What about once a week,

You know and another reason no now i'm trying to learn from my past So i'm going back to the memory.

So like What why didn't I go what happened when I didn't go?

Well,

I got out of work I drove home Because I didn't have my gym clothes with me.

So I had to go home to get the gym clothes And then I my ass hit the couch and it never came back up Okay Uh,

So what if you pack the bag of gym clothes and you put it in your car?

Then you don't have to go home to get your gym clothes and your ass doesn't hit the couch and then you don't Oh Yeah,

Okay.

So you use your past to learn how to do things better That's an asset and you can actually be yeah,

That's what i'm gonna do You know what?

I have five minutes i'm gonna put clothes in a bag right now and put it by the door So when I walk out i'll grab it.

Oh better.

Yeah,

I'm just gonna go throw it in the car right now All of a sudden you start feeling better about yourself your energy starts coming up you start feeling more hopeful and you want Then the next day you're like I you're already building off of a success Ah,

I I knew what went wrong and I got the clothes right here this time i'm definitely going you know Yeah,

You you can build on that success That's you know,

That's the difference between learning from the past and beating yourself up over it And using it to minimize you just letting that absorb for a second Yeah,

Yeah,

And I I think that I see a lot of the time People will be living their lives based more on the past than the present,

You know,

Right?

And so I think it's super important To redirect that it's just like if you are i've i've been victim of it myself like I've we're all human We all do the same things.

Um But i've done You know similar things where i'll take my past and i'll drag them into my present and i'll use it as an excuse to do Or not do something How do you?

Separate that like I know a lot of people listening are probably struggling with You know this type of thing and um,

And you see a pattern reoccurring How do you how do you retrain your brain or change that?

Frame of thinking You know,

I I think one of the You know,

We have to question everything,

You know,

If something isn't working for us,

We have to question it That's I think that's where it starts It's we don't We don't take responsibility for our lives like,

You know,

I see it in my generation the most we are the biggest victims I think that have ever walked the planet It's like we just got used to blaming other things.

It's just easier and we don't take responsibility for our for our own Actions,

So we don't ask the important questions like so the dynamic is We live in a world of yin and yang.

So when When we are in alignment with the way things are supposed to work our life gets better When we are out of alignment with the way things work Or if we are using something dysfunctionally Then our life gets worse So it's like so if you see that,

You know,

Like you're trying to go to the gym and you're not succeeding Well,

You're out of alignment with Some sort of way that the the world works or you know,

If you're not happy in your life You're out of alignment with the way life works You know,

Which is fine.

We all are I mean I still am In certain ways we're conditioned to be out of alignment You know many years ago for some reason humanity got the idea that we were above nature We could because we started,

You know,

We started thinking and technology and controlling even before technology But like I don't have to be on a rain.

I'll build a house ah See nature can't get me.

I'm smarter than nature You know,

I think that's where it started and then it just snowballed And like we forgot that we're actually part of nature if we live in alignment with it Things go really smoothly and really effectively So when something if you're if some if you're not happy in your life It's not because you're bad or incapable or not intelligent enough It just means that you're out of alignment and it's usually because of this type of dysfunctional thing So ask yourself the question like,

You know these questions This is like I said in the beginning.

This is how I came up with these questions Like I started my brain started asking the question Because I saw people using their memories or their past and it kept hindering them and hindering them and hindering them So I was like,

Okay.

Well Everything has a positive and a negative So if people are using their past to a detriment Then they must be able to use their past for an asset So,

How do you do that?

So I just questioned it and i'm like what does it look like when you use Your memory the things that are controlling behaviors in a positive way.

Oh you learn from things and you become better Okay.

So what does it look like when I use my memory?

What does it look like when I use it dysfunctionally in a negative way?

Oh,

Well,

I stay stuck You know,

I beat myself up.

I feel less less than I feel worse about myself You know,

I have irrational fears.

Oh,

Okay.

So that's what it looks like when i'm out of alignment With this gift called memory because it is a gift when if we all have something that's innate in us That's that's a gift.

There's a purpose and if we use it properly It's going to be an asset if we use it in a way that it's not supposed to be used It's going to be a detriment,

You know,

So so question these things,

You know start gaining clarity on on your life and if and you know,

So so that's the big picture answer the simple more specific answer is If you know if something isn't working then Use your memory to learn From what isn't working not to beat yourself up to learn from it,

You know,

Ask yourself the question.

I want to go to the gym Why didn't I you know,

Most people don't do that.

They don't go.

Oh,

Why didn't I go to the gym?

They just they're it's much easier just to say i'm a loser.

Yeah,

You know.

Oh,

I'm a piece of crap I don't do half the things that I say and everybody goes.

Oh me too,

And they support you in this idiocracy Oh,

Yes.

I don't do I don't do a bunch of stuff.

I want to do either.

Yeah,

We're all in the same boat Yeah,

And it's sinking so So don't stay stuck ask yourself use your memory for your benefit And look back and ask yourself.

Why didn't I accomplish what I want to accomplish?

The answer's in the why yeah The answer's in the why you know,

And it's it's it's good to you know,

It's an asset but it's People who live,

You know The past if you use the past If you hang on to the past too much It usually becomes a detriment because there's usually an unhealthy attachment to it people who live in the past all the time That not usually prospering too.

Well,

You know their life isn't too good in the present.

So they They depend on nostalgia or stuff,

You know You see this all the time.

We romanticize the past all the time people like oh,

I want to go back to a simpler time You know things are too complicated right now.

I want to go back to a simpler time It's like yeah,

What is this time you speak of like in the 80s when cocaine was just out of control and Everybody was ODing and AIDS was flying all over the place.

Was that a simpler time?

No,

No,

No I mean before,

You know,

Like back in old days when you know in the West and stuff and you just had a simple life Yeah,

And he got shot over a card game,

Right?

When they were 40 you know and they and they you know you if you wanted to go like from Boston to California like it took three generations of people to get there Even just travel there Yeah smallpox wiping out like,

You know tons of people like those simple times Is that what you're talking about?

We romanticize the past like things were wonderful,

You know And it's like no stay in the present your your windshield Is ten times the size of your rearview mirror for a reason?

Yeah,

It's much more important where you're going Than where you've been.

Yeah.

Yeah You know so you can look back and now we're talking about the past So you can look back in that little rearview mirror glance up there every once in a while and go,

Okay Is this something I can learn from my past to help me with my future?

That's the point of it learn from the past not for the sake of learning from the past For the sake of building a better future That's why it's helpful If you just sit around talking about the past all the time and you don't use it to better your future.

It's a waste of time You know,

Yeah curl up and be nostalgic for 15 minutes,

But after that move on Yeah,

Absolutely absolutely,

Yeah So you got anything else I like I just kind of went No,

I I mean,

I think I think we're all we're both kind of just saying the same thing here,

You know It's just it's finding a way to take those memories that you have and utilize them you know for your benefit for your future and not to Stop you from doing things because you'll be frozen in fear or whatever the case Yeah The why behind things Okay,

So this is you just brought up another really good important piece.

It's the failure You know the fear of failure people like oh I failed before so i'm not It's like you have to not try and fail at all.

Yeah.

Yeah,

It's like man fail man Fail like one of my friend brian reed says like he had a good visual He's like picture yourself running towards your goal like running down a path And you're running towards your goal and then you trip and you fall Where do you land closer to your goal?

Your momentum is going forward.

So even if you trip and fall you still are accomplishing something You're still landing closer to your goal Failure is part of it.

You know We like nobody's ever accomplished anything ever.

Yeah without failing.

Yeah,

You fail forward Right,

So it's like,

You know us we like oh no,

You know What would happen if it failed?

Well,

Then you just pick yourself up and do it again What would happen if it failed?

Well,

Then you just pick yourself up and you do something else like who cares?

I mean that's like looking at a baby trying to learn how to walk having it fall down in front of you and go You might as well just let's just cut its legs off This one's an idiot It's just it can't walk.

I mean why bother?

Let's just get a little chair for this one.

Like this is they tried and they fell why bother?

It's ridiculous failure is part of everything Nobody's ever succeeded at anything ever without failing.

It's part of the journey and we we're so conditioned to not Feel anything that feels bad.

This is what I was talking about before We're so conditioned that if something doesn't feel good That we have to run from it and make sure we don't experience that again Right.

So this is well I failed so I don't want to go back to that.

I don't want to go back to that Well,

I failed so I don't want to experience that feeling of failure again.

So yeah,

But you're just staying stuck forever Like that goes against nature.

Everything is in constant movement Like that's that's the to me.

That's the definition of depression Is not movement Yeah being stagnant And also I I think it's interesting like not really interesting.

It's just kind of sad really kind of sad that uh By leaning into that.

Um,

You're kind of You're just closing off all other opportunities like without Without having to experience and like walk through the fear of possibly failing and what might happen You'll never get to experience the joy of actually succeeding Right.

That's the catch-22 Like you've got a risk being completely cut open to be happy.

It's like,

You know to find that type of stuff It's just what it is.

You have to and you know,

And it's true.

It's that that that like We're in an ever-changing reality And people are constantly trying to get everything set the way they want it and then just stay there Yeah,

You know people talking about retirement as one version,

You know,

And they're just like I'm,

Just okay.

I'm just I don't have to go to work.

I don't have to do anything and just stop Yeah,

And everything's peaceful.

It's like that's not life man,

You know,

It's constantly changing constant movement.

It's it's just That that's how it works.

It's like we we're never going to get all our ducks in a row and then have them stay in line One's gonna wander off.

Somebody's gonna kick one Like it just they're never going to stay in a row ever But people are attached to that idea as it's going to bring them happiness It's not gonna bring you happiness,

Right?

And it ain't gonna ever exist So even if it did You're never going to be happy because it's impossible to achieve it You're like on a treadmill Yeah Yeah,

If you're lucky then at least your legs are moving Yeah,

That's i'm not gonna compare it to anything else but It's just not I don't want to go down that road.

But um Yeah,

I mean you're paralyzed really Yeah,

We're paralyzed with fear.

I Yeah,

You're in a freeze really and that's uh,

There's no movement forward or backward Yeah,

So that's it learn from it.

That's the purpose Take some comfort Little nostalgia That's all cool that that you know but anything other than that how using it to to hold you and keep you stuck and Freeze and and fear that it's You know,

We got to get over that Yeah,

All right.

Well,

That's gonna do it and we went right up against the bumper of time again But we did it we stayed under an hour All right.

All right.

Thank you.

Aubrey And thank you everybody.

We will talk with you soon looking for more check out over 200 episodes of life lessons and laughter Check out over 200 episodes of life lessons and laughter or click the link in the description of this episode to connect with glenn directly