The Moment of Change

We have all heard stories of people who made great changes in their life. Today we discuss "epiphanies" or "AH-HA moments" and what they consist of.

Transcript

Welcome to Life,

Lessons and Laughter with your host Glenn Ambrose.

Hello,

Welcome to Life,

Lessons and Laughter.

Life,

Lessons and Laughter.

I almost said laughter.

Just get it right once.

I did once.

One time I got it without pause.

I got it right like three months ago and you were all happy.

So it got off my back.

I hit my quota.

It's still 2014.

No it's not.

No it's not.

It's 2015.

I got a whole year to get another one right.

Don't ruin the illusion of when we record this.

Yeah,

So technically it's 2014 because we're recording it.

But we're recording for 2015.

Stop it.

That's right.

Full disclosure.

This is live.

This is live like you're listening to it.

Whenever you're listening to it,

It's live.

This is 20 something.

It could be 2020 at this point.

It could be.

By the time someone's listening to it.

It could be.

Isn't that wild?

Congratulations on our 6,

000th episode.

And the stuff we're talking about is still applicable.

That's what the beauty is about this.

Wait,

We're not going to do 5,

000 more episodes.

Honestly,

I think that's why this show has lasted this long.

For these last 20 years.

It's only six years,

Guys.

It's only six years away.

Five years away.

Let us stream.

It's only five years away.

Anyways.

Anywho.

We have about five minutes left.

Yes.

So for five minutes,

We're going to talk about change.

Change?

The moment of change.

Do you have any change?

26.

Not on me.

Okay.

In my car.

Wait,

We're not talking about- No,

Not coin.

Oh.

26,

52,

52.

Ben's doing math.

We wouldn't even be on episode 300 yet.

I don't know.

Let it go,

Man.

Let it go.

All right.

All right.

That was awesome.

Let it go.

Can we move on?

We're on to change now.

Yes.

And the moment of change.

So we're talking about- why don't you let us know what we're talking about,

Ben?

Can you pay attention?

Hold on.

We'd be at- Oh,

Man.

We'd be at 280.

Oh,

Okay.

Dude.

That was rebellion,

Right there.

Dude.

What are we talking about today?

We were talking about the moment of change.

What it looks like.

I don't know what it looks like.

Is it fictional?

Does it not really exist?

What does it- Let me do this.

Yeah,

Please,

Because I don't know what I'm doing.

Okay.

Let me just- this is something that I was talking about with Ben yesterday,

Or two days ago,

Whatever.

I said,

You know how when people make big changes in their life,

No matter- it doesn't matter what it is.

It could be anything.

But,

I know a lot of people talk about the moment of change.

The moment when something clicked in their head.

You've said it a lot of times,

The phrase,

Draw a line in the sand.

Yeah.

And sometimes I think that that's not even something that exists.

Because I don't know what that- maybe I don't think I know what that feels like.

A theory that I had was that there is no moment of change.

People make conscious choices to change,

And when they do end up getting to a point where they're like,

Oh,

Look at this,

I've made all these changes.

They just kind of look back and they go,

You know,

I think it was around this time where I really decided to- and it's like,

I think it's more of that than like,

Oh,

Everything's different now.

Yeah,

I know.

Or maybe that's not true.

Because if there is a specific moment,

I feel like I'm still waiting for it.

Yeah,

Which I think a lot of people are.

Yeah,

But it's like,

Does it exist?

Well,

I think what you brought up two really good points.

One,

Yes,

There can be a moment of change where kind of a light bulb goes off or the line in the sand is drawn and you just shift.

It can happen at a moment,

And I've experienced it.

That's how I know,

And I've seen it in others.

But a lot of times that's induced by pain.

That's usually when it happens.

They talk about hitting bottom a lot.

Hitting bottom isn't always- actually more often than not,

It's an emotional bottom.

It's not some big,

Huge event bottom.

It's just when somebody just goes,

You know what,

Enough.

I can't do this anymore.

It's just a personal moment shift like that.

That can happen.

But more often than not,

And probably something that's more healthy to keep your eyes on is the other kind of change.

And that's the kind of change where you kind of described it as people start doing things differently and then next thing you know they found out that they've changed and they look back and they kind of try to draw a line and say,

Oh,

It must have happened around then.

You know,

That's- You think it's both kind of?

Both exist.

Yeah,

That's right.

Both exist.

And it's,

You know,

If I'm going to have a podcast about trying to help people and one kind of change is very sudden,

Quite often it's unexpected,

Quite often it's induced by pain,

That's not what I really want to preach and promise to people because it's so random you never know.

And who wants to suffer into the depths of hell to try to induce some change that may or may not come?

Not really a good plan to move forward with your life.

So just wait until everything goes wrong.

Yeah,

Just curl up in a ball until your life falls apart and then a light bulb will go on.

No,

But that's part of what I've been thinking.

I'm like,

Is that what needs to happen in order for that moment to happen?

And absolutely not.

It doesn't need to happen like that.

Not that I want that to happen.

I make people more self-destructive because they're like,

You know,

They say that like things don't get better until they get worse.

So I'm just going to shoot for it.

I'm going to ride this.

I'm going to ride this out until I get to that point where I'm just,

No one likes me.

Yeah.

Well,

What happens with that is usually if people make a conscious effort to start walking in that direction,

It's actually not that they're trying to find change.

What they're doing is they're trying to find an excuse so they don't have to take responsibility for their own lives and make the change.

So they just go,

Oh,

Well,

That's the road to change.

So I'll start walking it.

And then all of a sudden they wake up one morning,

Change comes and then goes,

You know what?

You can change your entire life.

You get this big aha moment and you go,

Yeah,

But how do I know that's it?

And then they'll just keep walking down the road to nothing because that's what their intention is anyway.

We do many things to fool ourselves.

So walking in that direction is not recommended.

It's not recommended and it's not necessary.

Pain can be a large catalyst for change,

But who wants to use that?

If this is our formula for successful living,

Let's suffer as much as humanly possible so that hopefully if we're lucky we can shift and then find happiness.

No thank you.

No thanks.

That's not how I want to live.

And I did have,

I hit a bottom where I completely shifted and a lot of light bulbs went off.

I like to think of it kind of in about a three month period where light bulbs were just kind of going off and change was happening and I was shifting and all that stuff.

So it wasn't a particular moment.

There was several particular moments in that three month period where all of a sudden a feeling came over me or a new way of looking at things entered me.

And that's kind of what those are like.

That's another thing that people wonder,

Like what are those like?

Like is it a lightning bolt that comes and drills you?

No it's generally they come in the form of a new perspective,

A new way of looking at things.

All of a sudden you go,

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Like I actually could be responsible for my own happiness.

Like I'm not a victim of life.

Like life hasn't been happening to me.

It's like I make decisions and the things that I've screwed up,

I could actually make different choices and not screw up my life.

Oh my god.

Like those types of realizations.

You have this huge realization,

So overpowering that you feel it within you.

You feel things changing and it feels like it's happening physically and a peace comes over you,

You know,

And it's awesome.

I mean it's awesome if it happens.

Like I said,

I mean I went through a lot of years of pain before that happened to me so I don't recommend it.

I think a lot of the perception is that people think that you're living your life the way you are and then you go into a room,

All of a sudden you get enlightened like a monk.

Then you come out of the room like,

I see it all now.

Everything is going to be different.

I will have no problems because I've committed myself to this.

Well see that's exactly what happened to me.

The perfect example of a transcendent being.

Can you reach Buddha in Buddhism?

You're the Baba Lama.

Very close.

Oh my god.

Alright,

Let's go back.

Let's go back.

That's the best joke I ever made.

I'm essentially a monk.

You know that reminds me of Michael Singer who wrote a great book,

The Untethered Soul.

He was,

I saw an interview with him and he was talking about becoming enlightened which is,

You know,

It kind of depends on how you,

Like your mental perception of becoming enlightened and following your path towards happiness.

They're very closely related but it just depends on your particular perception of it.

But he says,

You know,

To find peace.

Baba Lama,

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I had to explain why I just burst out laughing.

To find peace?

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Ruined it.

I was in the middle of this really deep thought.

I'm really sorry.

That's alright.

It's life lessons and laughter.

So alright,

The Untethered Life.

The Untethered Soul.

The Untethered Soul.

So yeah,

He was talking.

He went and searched for enlightenment all over the place and he said the good news is you don't have to do that.

You don't have to go meditate with monks and you don't have to do all that.

You know,

You just sit and go within and that's where you're going to find your peace.

So and it's the same thing with the happiness.

You don't need to go through hell to find the happiness.

You know,

What you need to do is just start taking responsibility for your own life.

You know,

A big piece of it is dropping the role of victim and just start taking responsibility for your own life and for the change.

You know,

So you can induce life change,

A step towards happiness.

You can induce it and you know,

If you,

Everybody wants everything all in one shot.

So you look at it and even though it's a bunch of pain that induces the big awakening,

People still want that because they're like,

Oh,

That's big and it's profound and you know,

Being profound,

That sounds really cool and I want that.

Why?

I mean,

You want the story.

Yeah.

You want to be able to tell the romantic story,

But I was in the worst spot that I've ever been.

And then,

And then,

Yeah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah.

It's a bunch of pain that leads up to it,

You know,

And that's good.

No,

Not a good,

No,

It's really painful.

All that terrible.

And it's,

There's no reason to do it.

So anybody that goes through a shift like that,

Generally they have to kind of,

Um,

Get back into normal living and learn how to move on and what they're going to need to learn how to do eventually at some point anyway is how to change through positivity instead of changing through pain because you,

Yeah,

Maybe you can have a life altering shift,

But that doesn't mean that you just got a ticket to happiness for the rest of your life.

And you don't,

You know,

It's just,

Oh,

You just sit back and everything's roses.

I mean,

There's probably a couple people that that's happened to,

But you know,

Out of the billions on this planet,

It's not good odds.

So you know,

We're a rare breed.

Oh my God.

But it's,

So I mean,

I had,

I had that big shift.

I had that big shift and I can't depend on that.

Like,

You know,

Then if,

If I just sat there and waited for the next big shift,

Then I'd be miserable right now.

I've had to learn how to induce my own positive change.

So you know,

That's what I think is the most important,

The most important path is,

Is to,

You know,

Make talk things out,

Find a different perspective is your reality.

So that's your catalyst for change.

If you're looking at things a certain way,

Then you create your reality out of that.

If you find a healthier way to look at situations and then you try to live from that perspective,

You know,

That's the best way to start walking towards change.

Do you think this might sound obvious,

But do you think that a big problem with this kind of thinking is that people think that once they have that moment,

It's going to be like,

They're not going to falter ever.

I think,

I think people who have never experienced that moment think that I think people think that,

You know,

Somebody who never has experienced a huge shift looks at the huge shift,

Like that's going to bring me happiness and then I'll be good for me there on a,

Like,

I'm not going to have any problems after this.

Yeah.

And if I do,

They'll,

I'll be so awesome that I won't even have to worry about trying to deal with them.

They'll just roll off me like water off a duck's back.

Because I had,

I had that moment.

So right.

So I'm not going to,

I'm not going to falter now.

I'm not going to go back to,

I'm not going to go back to this.

And it's not like that.

And I can speak from experience.

You know,

I'm constantly,

Things come up in my life that I need to figure out how to deal with on a,

On a regular basis.

And I continue to grow and I can,

But I choose to change through positive positivity now instead of waiting for a lightning bolt,

You know,

I mean,

It's,

I'm not going to go through the pain before I decide to change.

I'm going to kind of learn to deal with life as it goes and I'm constantly growing in that direction.

And I think one thing that happens is,

And you kind of touched on it in the beginning,

When people start changing,

They,

What happens is they'll make small decisions and small adjustments and then they'll start implementing them and they'll start changing and they won't even know truly what's going on.

And then all of a sudden they wake up a few months later and they're like,

Oh my God,

I've changed so much.

How did this happen?

And then they look back.

So that,

That period of time is very important.

You know what's going on there.

If you understand what you did right,

Then you can duplicate it.

If you don't know what you did right,

How are you going to duplicate it?

So what change looks like is important,

You know,

To,

To know what it looks like,

To know what it feels like.

So when you start making changes,

And the other thing too is,

You know,

If you take somebody,

Two people that are going through change,

One person actually successfully gets on the other side and the other one doesn't,

They give up halfway through.

What's the difference between those two?

You know,

And it's what happens right in the middle of that change.

When you're implementing new things,

It's uncomfortable.

And one person,

You know,

I don't know exactly,

Um,

Uh,

These two hypothetical people,

You know,

I mean,

There's lots of little things that you can fine tune when you're working with somebody one-on-one,

But for an example,

In kind of a general scheme,

One person that succeeded may have really had a clear vision of what they want to accomplish and kept walking to it towards it.

They may have had a little extra motivation or something that,

That kind of kept them glued to where they were going and that kind of helped them carry them through.

And then the person who failed might not have had that,

But really,

If you bring consciousness into that time in your life,

That time of change,

You don't need the extra motivation to follow through if you know what's happening.

So a lot of times with my clients that are in the middle of that period,

They're like,

Geez,

I don't know.

Uh,

You know,

I'm not sure I'm trying to change,

But I'm not sure if I am and I don't,

I feel kind of uncomfortable.

Sometimes I think I'm doing the right thing.

Sometimes I don't and then what I do is I have them take a huge step back and say,

Okay,

Well,

What if somebody else came to you and said,

Hey,

I'm changing my life from being this way to being this new,

Happy or healthy way.

And they were right in the middle of a transition period.

What do you think that they would be feeling inside?

And they go,

Well,

They probably be saying things like,

Geez,

I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing.

I think I'm doing the right thing.

Sometimes I do.

Sometimes I don't.

Sometimes I'm confident.

Sometimes I feel happy.

Sometimes I,

My confidence is shaken and I think I should just go back.

That's probably what they would be feeling.

And it's like,

Isn't that what you're feeling?

Oh yeah.

Oh my God.

But that's,

That's what throws us off is that little middle period of change.

It's like that.

That's,

That's what change looks like.

Change looks like uncertainty.

Change looks like you're not in complete control.

Change looks like something different than what you're used to.

It feels like something different than what you're used to,

You know?

So to be in that middle period and be conscious of that and say,

Oh,

Okay,

So I'm actually in the middle of change here.

I've just never been aware to feel it before.

I didn't know what it felt like.

Change feels like uncertainty and I'm uncertain,

So therefore I must be changing.

Cool.

Then they stick with it and that carries them through to the other side.

Then once that happens,

Then it's part of their experience.

And that's the most prized possession that we have is our own experience because I can sit here and tell people how to change and I can explain it and hopefully it helps.

But at the end of the day,

Until somebody experiences it,

It's just words.

It's just hopeful words that I'm saying.

But once somebody experiences it and it's part of their experience,

Nobody can argue with it.

You can't even argue with it.

You know,

Oh,

Well that didn't really happen.

Well yeah,

It did.

I experienced it.

So it's that,

You know,

That's the big thing.

So that,

That was,

That's a big thing I want to touch on today.

What do you guys think about that?

That's great.

Um,

I,

Uh,

Dave,

Did that help you?

Yeah,

No,

No,

It's definitely,

It helps,

Uh,

Put it in perspective for me.

Yeah,

It's,

You know,

There,

There is those big moments of change do exist,

But if you're looking for it or waiting for it,

It's,

You're going in the wrong direction.

Yeah.

And you're going to be graced with it.

But I've also had that terrible thought cause I'm a little self-destructive of thinking like,

Yeah,

I'm going to keep going until it gets there.

And I don't want that because that's,

Then I'm going to have even worse of a story to tell.

No.

And it's like I,

When I shifted,

I was 35 so,

And I got pretty destructive around,

I say 15.

I was probably a little earlier than that,

But,

But it's,

You know,

I had a good 20 year block where I was not,

I was not,

Um,

An enhancement to anybody's life.

Wow.

Oh,

So that's one way to put it,

I guess.

I mean,

That's a nice way to put it.

You know,

I mean,

I caused a lot of damage to myself and to those around me,

You know,

By my choices.

And when I look back on that now,

If,

If I had a choice to say,

Okay,

Well,

Um,

I have this,

This is kind of the way I made peace with everything.

I said,

If,

If I were to do it over again and I was just to be born as a baby all over again in a new life,

Would I choose to live through crap for 20 years before I changed?

No,

No,

I wouldn't because I mean,

Who wants to live like crap for 20 years hurting yourself and others around you?

That's not a good thing.

So no,

I wouldn't choose to do that.

Now the second part of that is,

Okay,

What if I were to wake up at 35 years old again and I had,

I could have either erased all the pain that I went through for the 20 years previously and still be kind of,

Um,

Lost in the dream,

Still not know about happiness and,

And have that kind of waking up that I experienced and just go on with my life.

Would I rather have that or would I rather go through the pain for 20 years and then be able to wake up to the happiness that I know now?

Well,

In that situation,

I'd rather go through the pain because the joy that I found on the other side of that is worth it,

But I wouldn't choose that journey.

You know,

I wouldn't choose to suffer to get to the pain,

But if that was the only way I could find it,

Well then yeah,

I'll take it.

You know,

But none of us know that,

You know,

And like I said,

If you're,

I think one of the reasons that I was able to suffer for 20 years without actually doing anything about it was because I was unaware that I had a choice.

If you know you have a choice,

Then you're kind of screwed because then you're just consciously suffering and that doesn't induce a spiritual awakening.

You know,

Unconscious can,

But conscious suffering,

That's just plain choosing to suffer.

Yeah.

All right,

So now it's time for today's quote.

Oh,

Exciting.

And I'm just going to throw this out there and I want to hear both of your thoughts on it.

This is from Leo Tolstoy.

The changes in our life must come from the impossibility to live otherwise than according to the demands of our conscience,

Not from our mental resolution to try to form a new life.

That's good.

What?

Well,

See,

Like,

What does he say?

Well,

Two things.

You know,

I think he's saying two things.

And one,

I think we talked about with the last podcast,

Like the mental resolution to change that he said that you can't do it.

You can make change with a mental resolution to change if you change your way of thinking and your perspective.

But just like I said in the last podcast,

If you're just keeping your old perspective and you're going to mentally force yourself to be something different,

Then no,

It's not going to work.

So,

You know,

I think with a little bit of clarity from my perspective,

I agree with that.

The first part,

Which I liked,

He said the changes in our life must come from the impossibility to live otherwise.

Right.

So and I've heard that in lots of ways.

It's like,

You know,

The flower blossoms when it's too painful to stay shut anymore,

You know,

And a butterfly comes when it's too painful to stay a caterpillar anymore.

You know,

That's the type of thing that I heard it as.

And it's true.

And what we're talking about today is that just with your conscious knowledge,

You can induce the desire to be something different.

That's what I'm trying to get across.

You can accomplish the exact same thing as a spiritual awakening by sitting there and living consciously.

If you sit there and really go inside yourself and go,

OK,

If I continue living the way I'm living,

Doing the things I'm doing,

Thinking the way I'm thinking,

I'm going to be here in 10 years.

I'm going to be here in 20 years.

And you give yourself a realistic perspective on that.

And you don't like what you see.

That is enough to induce enough pain to choose to awaken.

You know,

That's enough to decide.

I don't want to be a caterpillar anymore.

I want to be a butterfly.

You know,

I don't want to stay closed off.

I want to open up.

You know,

That is enough.

And that's really the big message from today.

You don't need to go through pain.

All you need is consciousness.

If you know you have the choice and you really sit down and get clear within yourself that I can choose to have a healthier life,

That's enough.

That's enough to induce it.

What do you think,

Dave?

Makes a lot of sense.

And yeah,

It's a little relieving to know that.

It's introspective.

That's what change comes from.

Just being honest with yourself and introspective and you'd be shocked that if you take an honest,

Honest,

Honest look within yourself and at your life and don't BS yourself in any way,

You'd be amazed at how much motivation will come up from within to change.

Plenty.

I think I kind of believed that.

As I said in the beginning,

I think that people make conscious changes.

That seemed more likely to me.

Yeah,

And it is.

It's more realistic and it's less painful.

That is what I thought.

I think those moments happen,

As you said,

It can be like that.

I think for the majority,

It should be this other way.

You can look at addiction as a really good decision maker.

So if you look at all the addicts in the world,

Drugs,

Alcohol and everything else for that matter,

But focusing on drugs and alcohol,

You look at how many people actually get sober compared to how many people die.

Well,

Doesn't wrecking your life and being miserable,

Doesn't that induce change?

Doesn't that induce a spiritual awakening?

Then why are people dying?

Because it doesn't happen to everybody.

That's why.

So don't wait for it.

No,

That's true.

And there's plenty of people,

And I've seen it firsthand,

People dying from drugs and alcohol and you look at them and you go,

Surely now they'll get it.

They'll do it for their children.

They'll do it for themselves.

They're on their deathbed.

You see people walking out.

The picture I always get in my head is with the cigarettes and you see some person walking around with an oxygen tank smoking a cigarette.

It's like you think surely then they would have enough motivation to change.

Well,

No,

Not necessarily.

So going down that path is not opening up to possible change is so much more effective and so much more worthwhile than keeping your fingers crossed and hoping for that lightning bolt because it doesn't always happen.

Quite often it doesn't.

I wouldn't put my money on it.

So if people want more help with this or any of the other subjects that we have,

I don't we cover,

Where can they contact you?

They can contact me at life-enhancement-services.

Com and my Facebook page,

Life Enhancement Services or my personal one,

Glen Ambrose.

Two N's in Glen,

By the way.

Or they can stop in and see you.

Yeah,

My new location.

2076 New Snack Hill Road in Coventry,

Rhode Island,

02816.

I just noticed that you have a Life Enhancement Service Center to help people.

What is your address again?

What is your address again?

2076 New Snack Hill.

I'm just trying to change the name of the street.

There's no reason that we need to have nooses around next.

And this is just my small part in enhancing our community.

Happy holidays everybody.

What?

No,

It's January!

Way to go Ben.

Goodbye.

You were the only one.

It's 2020.

Yeah,

You were the only one that had the time frame right,

Wasn't he?

In the beginning and he just blew it.

He was telling us when this will air and now he's saying.

And now he blew it.

I love it.

Good.

It's great.

Just great.

It's December 9th.

Yes.

Yes.

Thanks everyone.

Thanks for having us Glenn.

My pleasure.

Thanks for joining us Dave.

No problem.

It was fun.

And thank you Ben for being here as always.

Yeah,

Do what I can.

Do what I can.

On that note,

We're out.

This podcast is presented by New Shore Productions.

Executive Producers Glenn Ambrose,

Benjamin Barber,

And David DeAngelis.

Reviews

Like this one, funny and thought provoking 😊 thanks Glenn 💜 x

Well done as always! I like the flower opening and butterfly coming out of a cocoon metaphor.

Always good to laugh with you guys in the morning before work ✨ 😂

Feeling discomfort is what change feels like. Aha!