Self Discipline

When we decide to create more structure in our lives, it can be tricky to find positive ways to implement self-discipline. In this episode, Glenn talks about how to approach self-discipline from a place of love rather than control.

Transcript

Welcome to Life,

Lessons,

And Laughter with your host Glenn Ambrose.

Hello,

Welcome to the show everyone.

Today we are talking about,

Wait for it,

Pancakes.

Wait for it.

Are we not talking about pancakes?

No.

Self-discipline.

It's your second favorite thing behind pancakes.

I thought that this was Life,

Lessons,

Life,

Lessons,

And Cooking with Glenn Ambrose.

Life,

Lessons,

And Pancakes?

Oh,

Life,

Lessons,

And Pancakes should be the new name of the.

.

.

If we ever do a live event,

Right,

Where like listeners come,

We should have a breakfast beforehand called Life,

Lessons,

And Pancakes.

Yes.

And then the main event will be Life,

Lessons,

And Soul Pancakes.

Ooh.

Soul Pancake.

Soul Pancakes is like some video shorts that they have.

Yeah,

Do you know who that is?

No.

Do you know who's behind Soul Pancake?

Um,

Bob Soul?

Rainn Wilson from The Office.

Oh,

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah,

Actually now that you mention it,

I think I did know that.

Well,

Then I didn't teach you anything.

No,

Just because.

.

.

Yeah,

Anyway.

Do you know why we're so far off topic?

Why?

Because I lack self-discipline.

Oh,

Yeah.

Apparently so do I.

Let's see if we can work through that.

Yeah,

Let's get back.

Let's get back to a little bit of self-discipline and get on topic.

So,

Yeah,

We're talking about self-discipline and how to keep yourself on topic when you're doing a podcast.

This is a very specific episode.

Yes.

Yes.

Niche.

So,

Self-discipline.

You know,

One of the ways that I really trained myself to do this,

Like very early on,

Like after I woke up,

You know,

Everything was new and different.

So I had to learn new ways of living and stuff.

And one of the things that I started doing was making deals with myself because like I kind of didn't know what was normal and what was not normal and what I should be doing and what I shouldn't be doing because my life had changed so dramatically.

So I would kind of look at situations and go,

Well,

What would normal people do?

Like I remember my first job when I moved to Rhode Island,

I had after about a year,

I got a check at my job and it was for a week's pay.

And I had already received my week's pay.

So I called the office and I said,

You guys must have made a mistake.

You sent me a second check for my week's pay.

And they said,

No,

That was your vacation pay.

You didn't take any vacation time and you had a week.

So that's your pay for that week because your year anniversary just went by.

And I went,

Oh,

Wow.

So cool.

First off,

But then I was like,

You know,

Maybe I'm not living completely balanced.

There must have been some sort of day where I could have taken a day off,

Maybe if I was sick or just maybe for vacation,

Just to go wind down,

Just to enjoy a day.

There must have been some time where I could have taken some time off.

I think that that would be more well balanced and more normal.

So what I would do is I had a fear of falling into negative behavior patterns because I just came from 20 years of negative behavior patterns.

So I was like,

Well,

How can I monitor this?

And I was like,

Well,

I could take a day off and then no matter how badly I want to take another day off,

I'm not allowed to for two months.

So it doesn't become an unconscious behavior pattern.

So that's what I did.

I mean,

I don't remember if that's exactly what I did in that situation.

But the point is,

I thought about like,

Well,

What's reasonable?

And I thought about it ahead of time when I wasn't trying to bargain something out of myself.

And I thought about it ahead of time and I said,

Well,

If I take a day off here and I don't take another one for two months or three months,

Then that's reasonable.

That's not me abusing the system and running out of days.

And I still have some if I do get sick.

And so that's mandibule.

So I'll do that.

And that's what I did.

And then,

You know,

If the next week I was like,

You know what,

That day off really felt good.

I should take another day off.

I went,

No,

I can't do that because I made a deal.

I'm not taking another one for two months.

You know,

And then I stuck to that deal.

And that's kind of how I learned to bring balance into my life and have the,

You know,

Have the structure that I was looking for without going from one extreme to another.

Yeah.

The balance.

You know,

You implemented structure,

You know,

Right,

Which is something that we've talked about a lot on the show over the years.

Structure is the like the key to to building discipline.

I would I would say,

You know,

Wouldn't you?

Well,

Yeah,

And I think,

You know,

Structure has such a scary preconceived notion.

I think structure is I mean,

Structure really all structure is is living consciously.

It's just,

You know,

It's just putting some thought into what you're doing,

Why you're doing it and how how it's going to play out and living on purpose,

You know,

Living with some intention of what you're trying to accomplish and how you're going to accomplish it.

That's all,

You know,

Like so because,

You know,

Structure,

I I'm huge with rebellion.

I mean,

You know,

That's I I often say that's my middle name.

It's Glenn Rebel Ambrose.

You know,

Like I will rebel against absolutely anything.

So I have to watch myself on that and I still do.

And it's so like for me to take a day off and then to take another day off and to take another day off.

Yeah,

I can completely create good reasons in my head and rationalize why I should do that just to rebel against the system if nothing else.

You know,

So bringing in that structure and but then also I find out that I'm in a situation where I don't have any I'm sick and I don't have any time off,

You know.

So to bring in a structure,

I was able to,

You know,

Put together a situation where I was able to enjoy a day off every once in a while,

But still not put myself into a negative situation.

That's learning to live life more enjoyably,

You know,

And that's really what I'm trying to accomplish.

So once I start looking at structure is doing that instead of stripping my freedom away,

I still have the freedom.

I'm the one that's making the decisions.

Right.

Yes.

Structure is not stripping our freedom away,

You know,

And that's something that I think we really need to understand.

It's just living on purpose.

Living on purpose is sometimes difficult.

A lot of times difficult.

What would those two things would you say is correct?

Sometimes difficult,

Never difficult or always difficult.

It just depends on the person.

You know,

It's just that's that's how it just depends on how conscious you are in that particular,

You know,

Area of your life.

Right.

So for me,

Always difficult would be would be appropriate determination of that.

So I I tried to sort of like shock the system when we got to the month of August.

It was just an it was just an arbitrary day.

I was shocked the monkey that Peter Gabriel's song just popped into my head.

And I just had to let it out.

I look I was in your eyes.

Something was coming and I was like,

Yeah,

It was bubbling up and I was like,

Glenn,

Don't do it.

And then I was like,

No,

It has to come out.

No,

There's no way you're not doing what it whatever it is that you think of at the moment.

So but I was like,

You know,

I want to do something drastic to like shock me into shock the monkey.

Oh,

God.

Why do I keep saying it?

You set me up to force myself to force myself into more conscious,

You know,

To being more conscious.

So I decided for no real reason other than I wanted to try it and I wanted to try to be super disciplined for for a length of time.

I decided that I was going to be strictly vegetarian for at least for,

You know,

For the month.

Or at least see if I can make it a week,

You know,

But like start.

But this is your first problem.

Well,

No,

But like at least a month or at least a week.

I mean,

I've never I've never been able to I've never been able to do it for more than one day.

So I was like,

I'll do it a month.

And then I and then I was like,

And I'm going to also make sure that I'm working out every day,

Make sure that I'm tracking my food and all of that stuff.

And I I did it.

It was pretty easy.

I felt very much more conscious about everything that I was doing,

You know,

Throughout every day.

So how long did you do it for?

Well,

All right.

So I originally set my goal,

But my goal was arbitrary.

Right.

So it was like July 31st.

I was like,

I need to do something.

So tomorrow I'm going to start doing this thing and I'm going to do it for an entire month.

And and then within the first couple of days,

I was like,

I can do this,

But I'm tracking.

So I'm tracking everything that I'm eating and I'm looking at my like micronutrients and macronutrients and all of this stuff.

And I'm like,

I'm going to reassess where I am at.

A week.

Yeah.

Because even though I'm hitting this goal,

This goal was arbitrary and I wasn't doing it for for ethical reasons or anything.

Like I was,

Which I think I think I'm completely fine.

So I so I said I'm going to do it a week and then I'm going to evaluate the trends of like,

Am I getting the protein that I need?

Am I am I eating correctly like this?

Good.

You know,

So I made it a week and it was good.

And there were some things that I was not getting because I did not prepare myself well enough to do it,

Because as I said,

I decided to do it like a day or two before.

And so I so I switched to to to getting a little bit less strict about that.

And and then it was just about making sure that I hit those nutrient goals.

You know,

And it was more about that.

But I did like the I mean,

I liked the way that it felt.

And there was a reason why I chose to to try to eat vegetarian for a month,

Because I do enjoy the way that I feel after a couple of days of not eating meat.

Yeah.

So so how does this well,

The discipline,

The discipline was I was trying to do something drastic to shock myself into it,

Because self-discipline is a hard thing for me.

Yeah.

You know,

So it wasn't.

So that can be good.

It like auto it was it was it was an overcorrection.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

And I mean,

Sometimes that can be good because I mean,

It's if we give ourselves the leeway to screw up,

Sometimes we screw up.

You know,

There's this there's something good sometimes about not having a plan B.

You know,

I'm just doing this and I'm doing this all the way.

I mean,

I'm the same way.

It's you know,

I was a personal trainer for 20 years and you know,

And have been plenty involved with food and nutrition and all that stuff.

I mean,

It's never been my specific thing,

But I've been around it for a long time and know my share about it.

So but even with me when it's like if I go,

I'm going to eat better and try to work out.

Like if I if I've been out of my routine and I try to do it that way,

It doesn't work well.

So it's like,

Well,

I'm going to eat really strict.

I'm just I've had enough.

I need to make a change.

I'm drawing a line in the sand and I'm going really strict.

And,

You know,

I just did that a few months ago and it worked really well.

You know,

Just that it's getting very strict sometimes and then working back from there,

You know,

And then adding things in can be helpful.

But it's you know,

Because if you like,

Well,

I'm going to kind of do this,

I'm going to do a little better on this.

Specifics are helpful is really what I'm getting at with the self-discipline.

You know,

Be specific in what you're going to do.

Write it down.

There's something about writing it down usually,

You know,

And get really specific and do that and stick with it.

Which I think a big part about self-discipline is the mentality of it because it's which goes right into one of the four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

Be impeccable with your word.

And one thing that he teaches in there is be impeccable with your word,

Not only to others,

But to yourself.

And that's something that we don't think about a lot and we don't do enough.

You know,

When we make an agreement with ourselves or a promise to ourselves,

It is a lack of respect and it is a lack of self-love if we do not live up to that agreement.

Yeah.

You know,

Because we if we made an agreement to anybody else,

We'd respect them enough to live up to it.

And,

You know,

But to ourselves,

We just blow ourselves off all the time.

All the time.

And then we wonder why we don't have a strong sense of self-love.

It's because we treat ourselves like crap.

That's why.

You know,

How?

By disrespecting ourselves by not keeping the promises for ourselves all the time.

You know,

So once we start understanding that,

You know,

It's an act of self-love to keep a promise to yourself.

And when you make a promise to yourself,

Letting yourself down and backing away from that promise is damaging.

You know,

And it has to be taken seriously.

And I truly believe that.

So it's,

You know,

I feel like crap about myself.

And not only that,

If I'm breaking promises,

A lot of times,

If I notice people outside of me treating myself poorly,

And usually it'll happen with my son first.

You know,

I mean,

My son and I respect each other,

But there's times when we treat each other disrespectfully.

I do it to him.

He does it to me sometimes.

And usually if I notice him being disrespectful towards me a little bit,

I look at how I'm treating myself and I am not treating myself well.

And he's just picking up on that,

Reflecting it back to me.

And as soon as I start treating myself better,

He starts treating me better.

Yeah,

That is I see that a lot in friendships and stuff.

We have to respect ourselves first.

So it's,

You know,

When part of self-discipline is understanding,

It's like if you make a promise to yourself,

Live up to that promise.

Right.

There's a quote that I love that is,

What gets measured gets managed.

Have you?

And yeah,

So that's going back to what you talked about with,

You know,

It's helpful to write stuff down.

Yeah.

Which probably would have been a better segue.

But I wanted to go back to your point about it's helpful to write things down when you're going into discipline.

And so I think about that quote a lot,

That what gets measured gets managed.

Right.

It brings consciousness to it.

Yeah.

It brings attention to it.

We pay attention to it.

You know,

And it's there's one of my favorite quotes is lack of direction,

Not lack of time is the problem.

We all have 24 hour days,

Which is big,

I believe.

Yeah.

And it's,

You know,

So it's that and that's the truth.

It's like we all have the same time amount of time on our hands.

And yet some people are accomplishing a lot and others aren't.

And if you check with both those people,

They're going to tell you that they're busy.

So so it's like it's just lack of direction.

It's lack of focus.

It's you know what,

You know,

If you're just running around,

Phil,

And I mean,

I've noticed myself doing it when I moved down here.

It's I've been moved,

You know,

Since I moved to Florida.

I mean,

It's getting a little better now.

I'm bringing more consciousness to it.

That's why.

But when I came down here,

There was so much to do.

I couldn't even if I made a list,

I would have been completely overwhelmed.

And I know myself well enough when there's that much stuff to do,

Do not make a list because my head will explode.

Right.

So I just sit there and I go I try to prioritize and go what's absolutely necessary.

These four things.

Okay.

Those have to get done ASAP.

Put attention into those.

And then whenever you're not doing one of those,

Just knock out some stuff whenever you can.

And eventually it'll whittle down into a manageable size.

And then maybe you can make a list.

Yeah.

So that's that's what I found works for me.

I see I'm very much the opposite when I have to so many things to do that I would get easily overwhelmed looking at them all.

I have to write them down.

Like I have to make a list.

I made a little I think maybe it was on a different podcast,

But I like this morning I made a huge list of everything that I needed to accomplish today.

And it was massive.

I tried to send a screenshot to my roommate and it didn't it didn't fit in one screenshot.

Yeah.

If I did that,

I'd just be like I mean if it's one day fine.

I don't know.

I had like I had like six months worth of stuff.

Oh yeah.

To do.

Absolutely.

It would take me a week to write the list.

Yeah.

I would like it was so but but but that's just you know I found what works for me and we all have to find what works for us.

So you just I definitely do this.

I do this regularly.

You know I have no idea.

But but when it's that big I can't.

So what we just have to do is find what works for us.

What's funny is that I don't do I don't do this regularly.

I only do this when I have a lot.

Yeah.

It's it's it's all about what works for you but it's about keeping track and and doing things and understanding that you're you know a big thing about lists is understanding that you're not supposed to get it done.

And that's who make lists.

That's people who feel overwhelmed in their own lives that even that don't make lists.

You know people like we have this mentality and this comes up a lot with people is you know they'll they'll get overwhelmed.

And they'll be like oh my god it is just so much to do.

I can't do it all and all this stuff and it's like you're not supposed to know like what do you mean.

You don't finish like but subconsciously we don't slow down enough to actually realize that and put that into our thinking pattern.

Subconsciously when we don't slow down we actually think we're supposed to finish.

And there is no finish like you know I always use laundry like you don't finish laundry because you know like if you're doing a lot of laundry you have clothes getting dirty on your body while you're doing them.

Right.

So so you never actually finished doing.

You know or I mean you could stand there naked doing laundry and you could actually finish it.

Right.

But then as soon as you're done and you put clothes on you have laundry again.

Right.

You have laundry again.

So it's like you never actually finish laundry.

You never finish grocery shopping.

You never finish putting gas in your car.

There's a lot of things that you just don't finish.

They're just ongoing.

And if we look at life like that and if we prioritize and we just go OK I'm not supposed to finish.

This is just part of life.

I'll get some stuff done as I can do it.

The priorities I'll make sure those get done first and whatever doesn't get done will get done a different day.

You know that when I first learned that that took me a major conscious effort and it took me like three months to fully learn that in my life because I had you know a huge list.

And I would cross things off and I wouldn't get it done but stuck in a mentality that I was supposed to when I was a failure because I didn't get it all done.

And I had to work on that and work on that and work on that and train my mind that when I looked at the list the goal was not to have it all crossed off.

And I was I just had to repeat that over and over and remind myself and then eventually after a while after a while I would look at the list and when I saw stuff not done at the end of the day I'd be like oh yeah well I'm not supposed to get it done.

And I'm like yeah I finally did it.

Yeah I finally retrained my brain to stop thinking that I was supposed to finish everything.

Yeah and that's a good thing for you to to to be telling me right now because I have I just looked at my list and I have 18 more things to do when we're done with.

We're not even like we have four more podcasts to record after this one.

Yeah and then and then I have 18 more things to do today.

Yeah.

So they're not going to get done but you know some of them can get moved to a post.

Yeah that's that's the you know that's the biggest point they're not supposed to.

Right.

You know because it's a lot of that is you know the self discipline is really I think making deals with yourself making realistic deals with yourself.

And you know another thing I want to mention that's important about self discipline is do not create a deal with yourself when you're in the middle of a situation.

You know like I always use going to the gym as the example because you know that's it's just an obvious example.

So people are like OK should I go to the gym today.

If you're not in the pattern of going to the gym that day then you're trying to create a new pattern and self discipline yourself on the way there.

You don't do it because your brain is subconsciously looking for a way to not go to the gym.

So or or that your brain is you know depending on what the deal is your brain is looking for a reason to not eat vegetarian.

Your brain is looking for a reason to not go grocery shopping.

Your brain is looking for a reason to not do whatever you're trying to get it to do that you're not in a pattern of.

Your brain is looking for a way out.

That is not the time to create the deal with yourself.

Right.

At the time you know what you need to do is sit down and make sure you tell your brain you don't have to do anything today.

We're not doing anything today.

This is not about accomplishing anything today.

All I'm doing is making a plan for the future.

See your ego and your mind has a difficult time putting as much control over you on things in the future.

Right.

If you tell it it's about the future it kind of goes oh all right I don't have to deal with it right now.

And that's when you sneak in and make the rules.

So that when you're not under control of your mind trying to find a way out of it you know no no no we're not doing it today.

Oh we're not doing it today.

OK I can relax.

Good.

Then make your plan you know make your plan and then you go OK what would be good in the future.

Not now in the future.

Well I want to go three times a day.

What days.

I'm going to go Monday Wednesday and Friday.

OK what time do I need to pack my gym clothes before.

Do I need to put them in the car and not come home after work because once my butt hits the couch it doesn't get up.

You know make the whole plan of action ahead of time and then once it's time to do whatever your plan says do not.

You cannot discuss it in your own brain.

Right.

And that's what I did.

And that's and that's what I was saying earlier about my my big plan for August.

Like I like as I said I decided it on you know like the twenty ninth or the thirtieth or whatever July and then I did not have the structure to do it in its entirety.

And it was good for a week.

But then I had to I had to look at what I was doing and pivot because I didn't set myself up for success.

You know like I I I still you didn't succeed.

I forced myself into some discipline but it wasn't sustainable long term discipline.

Right.

Which is fine.

You can always reassess.

And that's one of the things that usually I try to build in when I'm making the deal.

Like I usually put a time frame on it.

You know like I go OK I'm going to do you know I'm going to go to the gym three days a week at this particular time on these days.

And I'm going to do it even if it's the stupidest idea that was ever come up with with a human by a human being in the history of mankind.

I'm doing it anyway for at least one week or two weeks or a month no matter what I am doing it for that period of time.

And then I'll reassess because my brain will try to say stuff like that.

I'll be like what we you weren't thinking clearly Glenn when you made this plan because you didn't take this into consideration and you didn't take that into consideration.

And this is not the best way to go about it.

And that's not the point.

The point is is regaining control of your life.

And doing what you say you're going to do when you say you're going to do it.

You know it doesn't matter if it's the best plan.

But so you you know you did succeed.

You said you were going to do it and you were going to reassess.

You did it for a week and then you reassess that success.

You know so then you can make some adjustments right and go oh well you know in this last week you know I did succeed at what I set out to do.

So Glenn take your pills.

That's my first time using a timer.

I was trying to you tried to use the timer.

I can figure out a shut it off.

You can't use the timer like that.

You got to use it as like a stopwatch and then look at it as it goes.

Oh yeah.

Because then the thing will go off.

Live and learn.

So yeah so it's you know having those times and then and then reassessing after it like if you're going to do stuff during the week reassess on the weekends when you're not doing whatever the heck has to do with your plan.

You know again so your your brain doesn't try to talk you out of it.

But that's the biggest thing.

It's like you know make the plan ahead of time and then as you're implementing it do not discuss it with yourself because you will find a way to sabotage it.

Absolutely.

That is that is my M.

O.

So that's that.

Yeah.

So that timer did mean that we are we are out of time for this episode.

Glenn you know something that I'm excited about something that took a little bit of self discipline to get started was you're on Patreon now.

I am.

You love the segues the segues.

Yeah.

I'm really I'm so not nailing them today at all.

But if you want to.

The better segue they are the funnier I think they are.

You mean the worst segue they are the funnier the better they are.

Like you could do it perfectly and it would make me laugh because I would know that you're doing it.

Right.

Yeah.

Because you can see me like you can see me looking at the clock and then looking back at you.

And anyway so so you can support the show now on Patreon Patreon dot com slash Glenn Ambrose.

And we have some exclusive content there and some some fun things and you know you can listen to the podcast there and everything like that.

So if you want to support the show check out Glenn's new Patreon page Patreon dot com slash Glenn Ambrose.

Yeah.

Check it out.

And you know where we're fine tuning everything and it's just going to be it's definitely going to be worth taking a look at to see what exclusive you know options we come up with.

We come up with and settle in on.

So yeah we're excited about it.

So check it out.

And that's going to do it.

I believe if you can see this we're going to have it up.

So we're wrapping it up.

Thanks for listening and we will talk to you soon.

Glenn is available for life coaching sessions to book an appointment or for more information go to Glenn Ambrose dot com.

Follow him on Facebook and Twitter or click the link in the description of this episode.

Reviews

Great talk, I can totally relate. Trying to up my self discipline and having some success - this helps though!

Amazing! Good points to have in mind to get self discipline!

Perfect! So needed that, thank you.

Great episode! Thank you!

I have never heard 'Your brain will look for a way out of not doing anything that isn't a pattern' quiet that way before. When you said that, it was like a lightbulb went off. Thanks so much for taking the time to share your knowledge with us.

Great ideas and insights as usual. Thanks guys 💙 x

Thanks Glenn and Ben!

I loved this episode!! Thinking of self disciple as an action of self love, tampered down my rebellious instinct immediately. It's natural for me to reject doing something I am being told I have to do, even if I know I should. I resonated with thinking of things I need to accomplish as a way of loving and honoring my growth. This is really big for me! Thank you!!

Great information! Thank you so much.

Skip the talk radio on your way to work and listen to this instead! WAY funnier 🤣 and you get something out of it 🤔.
About the "lists" topic, I find Stephen Covey's 4 Quadrants, help to keep my to-do's prioritized. However I've come up with a "Got Done" list for days I feel depressed or overwhelmed from the start.
Thanks for the entertaining and eye opening podcasts! Keep em' coming! Blessings!

Look forward to the cooking show 😂