Failure & Relationships-Life, Lessons & Laughter LIVE

In this episode of Life, Lessons, & Laughter with Glenn Ambrose I dive into the topics of failure and relationships. I discuss the dynamics and laws that apply to each and how to navigate them in a healthy way. Recorded LIVE on 5-9-22

Transcript

Welcome to Life,

Lessons,

And Laughter with your host,

Glenn Ambrose.

Hello people.

What is happening?

I have no idea what I'm talking about today,

So I'm going to have to lean on you people for ideas.

So what do you guys think I should be talking about today?

Do you have any questions,

Concerns,

Comments,

Anything like that?

What do you guys want to hear?

What do you guys want me to talk about today?

Let's see.

So of course,

This is a live show,

So I can't leave just dead air.

So I'll start talking about something,

But hoping that I'll either lock on to something and go off or possibly it's going to be more like a Q&A where I'm just kind of fielding questions.

Okay,

So here it starts.

It's starting to come in.

I just keep failing in relationships.

Okay,

We've got failing in relationships so far.

So you're definitely not failing,

So give me some more.

It's got to be the perception because you must be perceiving that you're failing.

So either you're seeing it wrong or well,

You're definitely seeing it wrong because failing is like one thing I like the concept of to describe what just came through is running,

Like running towards something.

So momentum plays a part.

So if we're running towards something,

Like picture yourself running down a path,

Right?

And then you trip and you fall,

Where do you land?

You're laying closer to the thing,

Right?

Why?

You're going towards something.

So even if you trip and fall,

Your momentum actually brings you closer.

So sometimes that's what failing is like.

We have attachments to a particular outcome that we're attached to.

So when we're going towards that and then we trip and fall,

We go,

Oh no,

I failed.

It's like,

Well,

No,

You're still closer to it.

You may have found something that doesn't work.

There's times in our lives where we have to like finding out what doesn't work is sometimes just as important as finding out what does work.

So after I woke up,

I had no idea what I was going to do or what I was capable of doing.

I had no idea.

So I just was like,

Okay,

I've been an alcoholic maniac for 20 years.

I have a kid.

I need to be responsible.

I need to get a job and I need to make,

Well,

I would like to make a decent amount of money and not scrape and kind of stabilize my structures.

So I figured sales made sense because I didn't have an education.

So I was like,

Oh,

Get a job in sales.

And so I ended up getting a job selling cell phones and it was good.

For a while,

I made a decent amount of money to stabilize,

Get an apartment,

Find a place to live,

Get an apartment,

Pay some bills off and it was good.

It wasn't what I wanted to do with my life,

But it served a purpose.

And then I left that and I still didn't know what I wanted to do.

It was,

What was there,

Three,

Six,

Eight years maybe,

I think.

Excuse me.

It was like eight years,

Maybe even nine that after I woke up spiritually before I started my business,

You know,

So there was,

I tried opening a couple businesses.

I tried buying a business.

When I finally opened up my business,

I didn't know if I should be a life coach or I like I was leaning towards life coach,

But I didn't know about timing and everything.

So I was like,

Well,

Like,

What if,

What if I stabilize my income and then like doing something that I'm kind of interested in and then,

But making sure that I leave space to pursue life coaching.

And I was like,

Okay,

Well,

I might do that since,

Especially since I have a kid or I'll just try to be a life coach.

And I didn't know which direction to go to.

So what I did is I started putting a little bit of energy towards both.

So I started looking into becoming a life coach and I started looking into buying a gym.

That was my other,

You know,

I was a personal trainer for like 15 years,

So I knew the industry pretty well.

And I figured if I was like the owner,

Then like I could,

You know,

I'd be stuck in a gym a lot so I could use my downtime to,

To like start my life coaching business,

Like train for it,

Maybe coach people,

Whatever.

So I was like,

Okay,

One of these two.

And then all of a sudden it looked like I was going to buy the gym.

I found this gym in my hometown that was for sale.

I started talking with the owner,

My friend that knew all about business,

Had an idea of how I could purchase it without any money down.

So he was going to do me a favor and come in and negotiate the terms for me and all this stuff.

And so I was like,

Oh my God,

It looks like I'm going to buy a gym.

So then it was,

And my plan was like,

I'm going to start a business by the end of the year because my,

I was collecting unemployment and working part time reporting my own,

My,

My part time work.

So it made my,

My unemployment insurance last longer.

So instead of like six months,

I was on it for like a year because I was reporting my income like you're supposed to,

You know,

Which a lot of people don't do,

But it elongated it.

So I knew I had to make a move by the end of the year.

So I told this guy,

I says,

Hey,

Listen,

You know,

You're dragging your feet on this paperwork for me to get this done.

I need to have this paperwork by,

You know,

Whatever date it was,

Let's say October 1st.

And you know,

I said,

So if you want this deal to go through,

I need this information by October 1st.

Otherwise I'm going to go do something else because I'm starting a business by the end of the year.

So,

And then I just took my hands off of it.

You know,

It was like,

If this is not right for me,

Please shut the door on it.

This is something that that's a really wonderful thing that we need to,

I think,

Incorporate in some of our situations.

We want to say,

Oh,

I want to trust the universe.

I want to hand things over,

But I don't know how to do it.

I want to trust God,

But I don't know how to do it.

Back door yourself.

Like I like if I'm about to do something and I make a decision,

I tell the universe or God and I go,

Listen,

From my limited perspective,

This looks like the right move.

So I'm letting you right now.

I'm letting you know right now that this is my intention.

I'm going to do this unless this is not the best thing for me.

If this is not right for me,

Please shut the door on it.

And I do that.

I've done that with things regularly throughout my life.

And it's wonderful because I'm saying,

I trust you.

And if this isn't right for me,

Shut the door on it.

So when something doesn't work out,

I see it as the universe coming in and shutting the door on something that wasn't good for me in the first place.

So that's what happened.

The door shut on the gym.

So I went and I got my life coaching certification,

Which I had already researched because I was putting energy in both directions.

When the gym started taking off,

I paused on the life coaching,

But it was still oscillating there.

And then I followed it.

And then it was like,

Oh,

That closed off.

So I was ready to go with the life coaching.

So that's what I did.

And I finished the certification and started my business,

I guess,

Technically.

I don't even know if I had a client,

But technically I started my business by the end of the year or at the first of the year or something.

So this is how we have to do things.

And let's see.

Yeah,

If you can give me some more information,

Please do.

Keep failing.

You can't fail at being you.

It's literally impossible.

You're the only one that can be you.

You're the only one that can do what you're supposed to do.

So you're not failing.

This is why I said right off the bat,

Well,

You're looking at it wrong.

Your perspective is wrong because you can't fail.

You could possibly be blocked,

Which even that is debatable.

But yeah,

You're not failing.

It's just something isn't working the way you think it's supposed to work,

Or you're being directed into a direction where you don't want to go.

So here's another way to look at it.

So I'll go right to basically the line of it.

So there's this question that people ask.

They've been asking for many years.

And the question is,

If money was not an issue,

What would you do?

What would you do for a living if money wasn't an option?

And it's a wonderful question because it gets all the social conditioning out of our way and the fears out of our way and just aligns us.

Well,

What would you do joyfully?

What would you enjoy doing?

Because if money wasn't an issue,

Why would you do something that you don't like?

It kind of doesn't make sense.

So that's a wonderful question.

And you should ask yourself that.

But I also asked myself,

Somebody else asked me this question kind of a different way.

I view it as a very similar question.

And the question was,

What would you do if you knew you'd fail?

And I heard that question and I went,

Oh,

I'd be a life coach.

And I don't know if I had started my business yet.

But I remember I was like,

My business definitely wasn't established because I was like,

I'm kind of doing that now.

Technically,

I'm kind of a life coach.

Well,

I guess I am a life coach technically.

Well,

What does that mean?

I went online and did some certification course,

Like whatever,

Anybody can do that.

It doesn't mean that you can be a good life coach.

And most things are like that.

When I got my personal training certification,

That doesn't mean that I was a good personal trainer.

Just because you have a certification in Sun doesn't mean that you're good at it or you should be doing it.

So technically I was a life coach,

But I wasn't supporting myself at it.

I don't even know if I was doing it.

I might not even have started doing it.

But regardless,

Whether it was before I started or after I started,

I wasn't supporting myself.

So I was like,

Technically,

What the outside world would view as a failure is my life.

I'm failing.

Like,

I can't support myself in a career that I would like to support myself.

So I guess I'm failing.

That's how other people would phrase that.

See this is what I mean by viewing it wrong.

I had to figure out how I was a failure because I didn't feel like one.

But technically I was trying to answer this question.

I was like,

Okay,

Well,

I guess technically I'm failing,

But I'm still doing it.

So I would be a life coach.

If I knew that I was going to fail at something,

What would you do anyway?

I would be a life coach.

Because before I became a life coach,

I was life coaching people in recovery.

I wasn't just sponsoring them.

Sponsoring sometimes can be very similar to life coaching.

Sometimes.

Sometimes not.

But the way I did it,

I was really teaching people how to live.

I was teaching spirituality through my sponsoring and through the big book and stuff.

So I was life coaching technically before I was getting paid for it,

Before it was a career.

So that's what most people would consider failing.

But I was doing it anyway.

So we have to pay attention to what brings us joy.

And if something isn't working out,

That just means that we're either looking at it wrong or we're trying to jam a square peg into a round hole.

Another thing on this line of thinking was I had this moment in my life.

I've had many of these,

I guess.

But I had this period in my life where I went through this big transition.

And it was in the summertime in Rhode Island.

And I remember it was August.

And I went down to,

I think it might have been Mesquamicate Beach or something.

And they had this long jetty that went out,

Way out into the ocean.

And I walked out there and I sat out there and I meditated for a while.

And I just really was ruminating and anchoring into this newfound shift that I had just been going through.

And I just wanted to do something different and monumental because it was a big shift in outlooks and things that were going on in my life at the time.

And I think I was doing personal training at the time or I was exercising quite a bit.

So I was in good shape and I would run some 5Ks every once in a while.

And I started running.

So once I got done meditating,

I was running on these rocks back.

And I just started running for no apparent reason.

And I noticed I kept trying to only put my feet on the big rocks.

I wasn't trying to use any of the little ones.

And I heard this voice from inside go,

Slow down,

You're missing it.

So I'm like,

And I was really feeling connected,

You know.

So I'm like,

Missing what?

You know,

Like,

And it was like,

Again,

So I slowed down and it was like,

Slow down,

You're missing it.

Like,

Why are you running?

I don't know.

I just felt like running,

I guess.

It's like,

You're not in a rush.

You're missing the journey.

Slow down.

And this was after my meditation and after my me taking time to like implement and feel,

I'm not getting the right word for some reason,

Like to integrate the shift I was going through.

And so I,

You know,

There was a bunch of stuff that I got clarity on and integrated,

But then this was a new chap,

New little piece.

And it was like,

Yeah,

You're missing it.

Slow down.

You're missing it.

And I was like,

Oh,

Okay,

I need to slow down and be more conscious.

And then I would,

So I'm slowing down.

Now I'm walking and I start seeing what I'm doing.

And that was when I really got conscious about me trying to not step on the little rocks.

I would always try to make it from one big one to another big one.

And I realized that that's kind of,

I started seeing my life like,

Glenn,

That's kind of how you act.

You try to go from one big thing to another big thing to another big thing.

Like slow down and understand that the little rocks that you're trying so hard to avoid are important too.

So I started,

So I was walking on all these rocks.

I would like,

Sometimes you had to,

You couldn't make it from a big one to another big one.

You had to step on one or a few small rocks to get to another big one.

It was just too big of a leap.

I couldn't make it.

And I'm seeing all this stuff play out with the rocks and in my head and in my heart.

And I'm understanding it all at once.

And I'm like,

Whoa.

So it was a cool moment.

But what I'm talking about here as far as the failing is,

Sometimes we have to understand there are stepping stones to get us to other places.

So it's not all about the big rocks.

Everybody wants to be in their favorite job.

I just want to be in my favorite job because we keep putting off happiness.

Like once I find my purpose,

Then I'll be happy.

No you won't.

You won't.

Once I get my dream job,

Then I'll be happy.

No you won't.

Once I'm in a loving relationship,

Then I'll be happy.

No you won't.

Because happiness comes from within.

Happiness doesn't come from external circumstances.

Oh yeah,

But it's easier to be happy if everything's figured out.

Well of course.

Of course it's happier.

It's easier to be happy.

If somebody walks up and gives you an ice cream and you like ice cream,

Well yeah,

You're going to be happy.

Who gives a crap?

That's not like,

You have no control over that.

That doesn't last.

So the only way for us to be in control of our happiness is to understand that it's already within us.

It comes from within.

That's how we can be in control of it.

People think,

I'll use the life coaching for this example,

Because people think,

Oh,

Glenn found his purpose.

And he lives in a simple life in a house up in the mountains of Dominican Republic.

And oh my God,

It must be awesome.

It must be just,

Like I must just be in bliss all the time because I have everything that I want.

That's not it.

It's about my state of mind.

It's about the way I'm viewing the world.

That's where my happiness comes from.

You know,

There have been times when I've been up on this mountain,

In this house,

In this peaceful,

Beautiful atmosphere,

With this career,

Doing my purpose.

And I'm sitting there looking at my life going,

Oh my God,

Why do I feel so empty?

Why?

Because I disconnected from my own happiness.

So I needed to reconnect to it.

It has nothing to do with your external circumstances.

You can have everything you want and you can still be miserable.

Guaranteed.

This is why we have to anchor into our happiness internally.

Then we have control over when we feel it,

When we don't.

So you can't put your happiness off to another time until something external gets worked out.

So sometimes these,

You know,

So it's not about getting the dream job.

It's about doing what you enjoy and leaning into it.

Well,

I can't.

Yeah,

You can.

You can.

I mean,

If you hate your job,

Then do what you enjoy in your evenings or in your spare time.

Create a little business on the side.

You know,

Do it for four hours on the weekend.

If you enjoy it,

You'll be able to find the time.

It'll be like enjoyment time.

It won't be another thing to fit in your schedule,

You know,

And if you can't find a place to fit in any joy in your schedule,

Then you have some revamping to do.

You know,

We have to stop feeling like a victim of life and take control over our life and change the pieces so we can lean in the direction of,

You know how many people I've like coached about starting their own business that were stuck and they're like,

I can't stop my own business.

There's no way.

I got kids.

I got this.

I got that.

And then for a little while,

They just did what they were capable of in that little moment.

They just did that little piece and then all of a sudden it turned into something else and they did that little piece and turned into something else.

Next thing you know,

They're doing what they love.

They're like,

Oh my God,

I can't believe this worked.

It's like,

Yeah,

That's how it works.

You know,

So sometimes when you're on a small rock,

Know that it could be a stepping stone to something else.

Don't get frustrated.

If you love your life and your happiness is coming from within and you're leaning into it,

Then you know more stuff,

You'll find more stuff to enjoy.

This is the other thing.

So if we will lie to ourselves,

Like you read about,

Man,

It's,

You know,

I've done it myself.

We sit there and we start trying to,

We say,

Oh,

I'm trying to follow my joy.

I'm trying to follow my joy when we're actually sabotaging ourselves and we're not doing it.

And we're like,

Why,

Why are you not supporting me?

And we're just BSing ourselves and we're attempting to BS energy,

Which is attempting to BS the universe,

Which we cannot,

You know?

So like when we're leaning in the direction of something,

Everything is run by law.

This it's law.

So the way we are supported in what we're doing.

So if something doesn't work out,

That just means that it's a stepping stone to something else,

Like we cannot be punished.

So here's,

I'll use,

I usually use like job scenarios for the,

To explain this.

So if you have two job possibilities,

Right?

And one is basically just money-based and one is joy-based and you go,

Oh,

I think I'd really enjoy doing this.

So maybe I should do that.

And then the other side says,

Oh,

This is much more money or more money.

And you know,

Your ease of life is going to be better if you do that,

You know,

So you should go after the money and you go,

Yeah,

Screw joy.

I'm going after the money.

That is bad intent.

Like the reason you're making decisions is based out of lack fear.

It's a fear energy.

You're like,

Oh,

You know,

Why,

Why would you take a job for money if you don't enjoy doing it right?

Especially when you had the opportunity to take one for joy.

The only reason you would do that because one is love following your joy is based in love following money only it not money.

Money only is lack.

You're fearful.

You're like,

Oh,

I have to go where the money is not where my joy is because what if I don't have enough money?

It's,

It's a lack mentality.

It's a fear mentality.

So if we make our decisions out of fear,

We will pay a consequence.

Why?

Because we're not supposed to be living in fear.

The universe or God or whatever you believe in loves you and or wants your expansion.

If you don't believe in God,

The universe just wants you to expand.

It has,

It's an intelligent universe.

God is an intelligent being.

Whatever you believe in created an intelligent system.

The universe can consistently expands.

Why?

Because it wants to and it's fricking intelligent.

That's why.

So it created an intelligent system to create its own expansion,

Right?

Or God loves you.

So he wants you to be happy.

Whatever the,

Whatever mentality makes you feel good.

It doesn't matter.

The law is law and the law is,

Is that if you were expanding,

Doing what the universe wants you to do,

Expanding or doing what a loving God wants you to do,

Expanding,

Becoming more of yourself,

You're going to feel pleasurable feelings inside.

When you do the right thing,

The thing that benefits you,

You feel good things.

When you do things that don't benefit you,

You feel bad things.

That's the,

That's the guidance system and it's intelligent and it makes sense.

So so if you make decisions out of fear,

That is,

You don't expand,

You become less of yourself instead of more of yourself.

The universe doesn't expand.

You're not moving towards self-love.

So God's not real to sight with your behavior.

So there has to be a natural consequence,

Not a punishment,

Just a natural consequence to say,

Hey,

You don't want to,

You don't want to keep making decisions based in fear because this is,

It's not good.

It's not good for you.

It's not good for us.

It's not good for anything.

So there's,

So you don't,

Things don't work out when you're functioning from fear.

When you function from love,

Things always work out.

Why?

Because that's the system.

It can't give you negative feedback for following your joy.

Then there wouldn't be an intelligent system in place.

How would you know what you're supposed to do and what you're not supposed to do?

If one didn't play out well and bring you joy,

Momentary joy,

True happiness comes from within.

Don't get confused.

And when you do something that lessens you,

You don't experience good things and it doesn't work out well.

So sometimes in an explanation of this,

Like I'll give you,

You know,

One more kind of step so you can see how this plays out.

The one,

The variable here,

Right,

Is if you're trying to function from love but you're unconsciously functioning from fear,

Right?

So what happens in that,

If you're trying to function from love,

Then the universe can't punish you.

Now it can make something not work out well.

Why?

Because it can't reward you either,

Right?

Because you're trying to act from love but you're truly acting from fear.

So you made a mistake.

Mistakes happen.

So in that case,

Like you go,

Oh,

I think I,

You know,

I think this is good.

I think this is joy.

I think this is stepping in the direction of my joy.

But you didn't think it through clearly or there's missing parts.

Like you didn't think about the commute and then you have no free time.

Or you didn't take into consideration the culture of the place that you were working.

So you get there and they're real,

Just it's a negative environment or something,

You know.

So all of a sudden you're at this little place and you go,

Oh no,

I was trying to make my decision based out of love but now that I'm here,

I can see,

You know,

I misread something or I didn't look at it clearly.

Or I lied to myself.

I really,

But my intention was to come out of love.

Well,

Oh,

Okay.

Well,

All you have to do is look for an open window because the universe can't punish you or reward you.

So you're stuck,

Right?

You're stuck on this little rock but it's just temporary.

Most people,

What they do at that particular time is they get very upset and they go,

Oh my,

I was trying to act out of love and this is load of crap and it turned into something I don't like and it's not fair and why,

You know,

Nothing works out for me because I'm trying to be love and look at me,

I'm in a crappy position and oh no,

Woe is me.

And they hop on a pity pot and they play this fiddle for God knows how long and they suffer,

Right?

Instead,

What you need to do is if you are intending to act from love,

Then there's a window,

Man.

There's an exit.

There's another opportunity that's waiting for you to see it but you have to stop complaining first and start going,

Oh,

Okay,

Well,

This didn't work out the way that I planned.

I know the universe has my back because I'm trying to function from love so what's my next move?

And you start looking for it and you will find one.

You'll find the next move.

You see,

We cannot fall into the victim mentality because what it does is it locks our brain off.

Oh,

I'm a victim.

I don't have control of my own happiness and the universe doesn't have my back and nothing I do works out.

When you're in that mindset,

You can't see the open window right next to you because you're not looking for it.

You're too busy feeling sorry for yourself,

Okay?

So this is what we need to do.

This is the system in which we live and which we work and it works every time,

All the time,

Always,

In every situation,

For every one period.

That's why I said it was law.

Like I have never ever implemented this in my own life or other people's lives and have it not work.

Never.

That's why I say it's law.

This is the dynamics that I understand.

This is what I woke up to 19 years ago is understanding the dynamics of the universe.

I understand how things work.

I mean it took me,

I didn't just know it all.

I kind of got it conceptually inside and then I had to read books and take in a bunch of information to grasp it intellectually and to learn how to implement it in life and learn how to teach people and all that was a journey in itself.

But the concepts basically I woke up to 19 years ago.

I understand dynamics and laws.

I understand how things work.

And really it's very logical.

This is how my mind's always worked.

It likes going deeper,

Simplifying it closer to the truth.

So my mind likes doing that anyway.

So my mind always worked like this even when I was getting in trouble.

Like I walked in and asked my principal to suspend me.

Like who does that?

I do because I figured out the system.

I look at systems and I figure them out.

So when I was younger I figured out how to play these systems.

I was like okay,

When I get in trouble they send me home for three days.

They suspend me.

It's like sweet.

I didn't want to be there anyway.

So then I'm at school and I don't want to be there and I'm like how do I get out of here?

Well what's the system say?

The system says if you get in trouble they send you home for three days.

Oh okay,

There's my solution.

So I didn't feel like being in school so I went to the principal and said hey,

Suspend me for three days.

He's like that's not how it works.

Like yay,

It kind of is how it works.

When you really get down to it underneath,

To the core of it,

That's kind of how it works.

No it's not.

I said well you can either suspend me or I'll go outside.

You know that fire extinguisher in the hall right outside the office?

I could grab that,

Spray it up and down the hallway,

Come back in here and then you can suspend me.

So how do you want to play it?

You know?

Why?

Because I figured out the dynamics.

So I played the system.

You know?

So I've always been like this.

This is how I do it.

Now I understand I use it for good instead of evil.

So it's the dynamics.

If you understand the dynamics,

You can hang your hat on this stuff man.

It's law.

It's universal law.

It works every time,

All the time.

And it doesn't play favorites.

It doesn't work for one person and not another person because then it wouldn't be law.

You know?

Like the sun doesn't be like oh whoops,

My bad.

Like I forgot the law that said that I can only be so far away from the earth or else it burns up.

Whoops,

My bad.

I screwed up.

If it did that one day,

There would be no more earth.

This is what I mean by laws.

Like they're not optional.

They work.

You know?

And you can try them in specific scenarios and you'll see them work.

So there.

So let me look at some comments here.

You guys are so awesome to be leaving.

Gene is watching.

Oh,

Got a,

Carl's got a comedy show to host tonight.

Helped me a lot.

Thank you.

Yes.

Congrats,

Carl.

Carl has always been into comedy ever since I met him.

So that's it.

You got to be happy doing what you do.

Let's see.

Relationships.

Expand on that for me.

I got some time to touch on some relationships today.

Let's see.

I got to jot this down because I have to write a description.

So I should write what I talked about because like when I'm tuned in,

I can talk about stuff.

So sometimes I boop,

Like I don't completely remember all of it.

Where do I start?

Well,

Okay.

I'll help.

You start at respect.

Everything in relationships is based on respect.

That's the foundational principle.

And most often where we go off with relationships is we,

Okay,

Spiritually awake.

Yeah.

Well,

So I'll use that as an example,

But I must still go in the direction of what I was talking about.

So the comment was how about when your partner is not spiritually awake,

Which I believe I did a podcast like within the past few months about dealing with like how to interact with loved ones,

Friends and family when you're waking up or something.

So you might want to listen to that one.

But I will touch on this now.

So relationships.

So we'll use the spiritually awake aspect to talk about respect.

Everything is based in respect.

So most people have problems in relationships because they get caught up on the surface.

You know,

I see it this way and I see it that way.

So let's argue,

You know,

And it's not about the thing.

Like we're not supposed to agree on everything.

And this is like the unconscious disease of the universe,

Not the universe,

Of Earth right now.

Everybody thinks we're supposed to come to agreements with one another.

And I don't know when this started,

But it's rampant and it's a disease and it's a lie and it's alive and well here on Earth.

Look at all the controversy right now in the world.

Everybody's going like,

Oh,

Well,

You know,

Like I'm on this side and they're on that side.

Let's argue.

And they fight and they try to prove each other's point.

The other's point.

It's a nightmare.

We're not supposed to agree.

There's eight billion people on the planet and eight billion opinions.

And we're not supposed to agree on stuff.

We're supposed to respect one another.

So if something,

You know,

So spiritually awake.

It's like you we don't need maybe this is something I need to touch on because it came up the other day.

We don't need anything to be different.

To be OK.

We don't need anything to be different in our lives to experience peace.

So if you're not experiencing peace,

Then there is something wrong with the way you're viewing it because you can.

And I'm not saying that we need to stay in relationships.

I mean,

There's times when divorce is a good idea.

I truly believe that it's just that most people give up too quickly.

They get divorced out of frustration.

So you know,

We don't have to we shouldn't be making decisions out of frustration.

If we are frustrated,

Then we have work to do.

OK,

So we we should be if we ever decide to get divorced or make any other major life change,

It should be out of self-love.

We should and you cannot lie to yourself or the universe about this because you will pay.

There will be a natural consequence to it,

Because usually when I say this,

If I'm talking to a person,

I don't even finish the sentence and they're chiming in about how this is out of self-love.

Like,

Yes,

Sitting,

You know,

That they're they argue with their with their spouse or whatever or,

You know,

Or their their partner.

And and and they're very frustrated.

And you go,

Well,

If it's time to leave the relationship,

You need to leave it out of self-love,

Not out of frustration.

And they're like,

Yes,

I love myself.

So screw them.

That's why I'm leaving,

Because I'm not putting up with their crap anymore.

No,

That's that's not that's not self-love.

That's frustration.

How can I tell?

Just by the way you said it.

I love myself.

That's not self-love.

You know,

It's the energy in which you're in.

If you're frustrated,

It's not self-love.

There's work that you can do.

You know,

It's like especially,

You know,

It's funny because this I have this conversation a lot about specifically about spiritually awake.

Why?

Because I work with a bunch of people that are waking up.

Right.

So of course,

It happens commonly.

But but even if it's talking about anything,

It doesn't matter if it's spiritually awake or something else.

It's like what you have to do is respect one another.

And if and you have to give respect if you expect to receive it when we're when we're waking up spiritually.

It's so easy to do get into the spiritual snobbery because like we're acting out of love.

So our way is the right way.

It's like,

No,

That that doesn't make it that makes it the right way for us.

There is no law on earth that says everybody has to function from love.

I mean,

Would it be nice if we did that?

Sure,

It'd be nice.

But but we can't have an attachment to an outcome.

We can't be like unless you act out of love,

I'm acting out of love.

And if you don't act out of love,

Then you're a bad person.

I'm a good person.

No,

That's ego.

That's separation.

That's ego.

So what we have to do if we truly want to live this spiritual life is we have to give people the freedom to live life the way they want.

That's respect.

So we have to give people that are not living spiritually the right to not live spiritually.

They don't have to live spiritually.

Why did they have to live spiritually?

You know what?

Who said that they like?

I mean,

If you believe in God,

It gave us free will.

God doesn't come in and say,

You've got to listen to me.

I'm freaking awesome.

Like,

I can help you.

What are you stupid?

You know,

No,

God doesn't do that.

Why?

Because we have to freely choose.

We have to freely open our heart,

You know,

And then we're down here on earth running around going,

You didn't open your heart.

You're an idiot.

Wait a minute.

God doesn't judge,

But we can.

Come on.

So what we have to do is we have to give them the space to do what they do,

You know,

And if that's to not live spiritually,

That's fine.

They cannot live spiritually.

Gina's got her.

I don't know if you guys can see this.

I think,

Gina,

You got your own show going.

In the comments.

I'm not really.

I mean,

I'm speaking,

So I can't read and speak at the same time,

But I'm seeing these these.

His post popping up.

So yeah,

Like the the.

We have to respect one another.

So like if somebody so so let's you know,

I said we have to respect them.

Let's do it the other way.

You know,

We can set boundaries and demand respect.

Right.

So if somebody is if somebody is coming in and they're like.

I don't like that.

I'm trying to come up with some scenario.

I don't like that you're you know,

You're talking with the life coach or I don't like that you go to meditations or whatever.

Let's just say they're attacking,

You know,

Your way of doing things.

It's like you have to give them the right to have their opinion.

Like,

OK,

You know,

I understand that you don't think what I'm doing is it doesn't make sense to you.

OK,

That's fine.

You have the right to your opinion.

You can not like what I'm doing.

And that's a lot of times that's hard in the beginning with the spiritual stuff,

Because,

You know,

Like if you see a good movie,

You tell 10 of your friends,

You know,

Like how excited do you get when you get the key to life?

Like when you find out you can like live your joy and your peace and you can actually be happy on this planet and all this stuff.

It's so overwhelming and so exciting.

We want everybody to live like that and we want to tell everybody and then somebody doesn't see it and we're like,

Oh,

My God,

How can you not see it?

So clear,

You know,

And we start getting judgmental and snobby about our spirituality.

No,

Give them the right to have their opinion.

We don't have we don't have the right to tell them how to live.

Like why,

Why,

Why should we have the right to tell somebody that they need to live spiritually?

Because we are.

Well,

Like,

You know,

Who who was your teacher five years ago before you started on the spiritual path?

How would you like to be treated?

That's what I always did.

You know,

This was like probably.

Well,

It's it's hard to say this was kind of the first external lesson I ever learned.

Where because I was awakening to all this new stuff and probably like within the first six months of waking up,

I was already sponsoring people in AA because that's what my my sponsor told me to do at that time.

And I actually listened back then.

So so I was working with people and I had opened up spiritually so much that everybody could see it.

Like I would walk in a room and people would walk up to me and be like,

What the heck happened to you?

They could just see it like on my face.

Like it was just it was wild.

So people were coming up and they're going,

What happened to you?

Like they could tell I was rearranged internally,

You know?

So they're like,

What would you do?

I want to do it.

So I would tell them,

Oh,

You know,

It's cool,

Man.

You just you take responsibility for your life and you just realize that you can design whatever life you want.

You just open up and surrender,

You know,

Like totally to God.

And she's this beautiful thing,

You know,

And I was explaining it probably horribly,

But but I was explaining it from my perspective.

And these people were like most some weren't getting it.

Some were kind of getting it.

But then they would go try to do it.

And it's,

You know,

As you guys know,

It's not always as easy as it sounds.

Oh,

Just surrender.

Like,

Well,

How do you do that?

You know,

Like so these people weren't doing it.

And I remember getting frustrated,

You know,

Seeing some of them go out and drink and,

You know,

Becoming worse instead of better.

And I'm like,

What the hell is their problem,

Man?

Like,

Geez,

You know,

They come to me and ask me what to do.

I tell them and then they don't do it.

And I could feel the you know,

Back then whenever I felt anything incongruent,

Like it was a red flag.

So I was like,

Oh,

Wait a minute.

I don't like the way I'm feeling.

How?

So I started thinking about it.

And I was like,

Well,

They're just in the same place I was six months ago.

Like did I have people tell me what I should do?

Yeah.

Did I do it?

No.

Why?

I don't know.

I don't know what I was doing.

I mean,

I tried,

But I did.

It didn't really work.

And I'm like,

OK,

So that's where they are.

They're in the same place you were six months ago.

So stop judging them and just send them a little compassion and understanding of going like,

All right,

You know,

I was where you are.

And that's what I've done ever since.

And it helps,

You know,

So have some understanding and some compassion.

Like when we say we say something so obvious in spirituality,

Like,

Oh,

My God,

Like,

You know,

You should just focus on gratitude.

I mean,

It makes you feel better and you attract more to be grateful for.

And the other person's like,

I don't know what you're talking about,

Man.

That's like,

It sounds stupid.

And you're like,

Then we start judging them.

Like what are you what's wrong with you?

I mean,

How simple is that?

What are they idiots?

And we start judging and all this stuff.

It's like,

Well,

Wait a minute,

Wait a minute.

Like nobody ever you never heard gratitude was good up until you started awakening.

You know,

Like,

Of course,

You did.

You know,

You hear you hear about gratitude here and there.

You've had people talk about positive thinking or something spiritual along the way that you didn't implement.

Well,

What was your problem?

You just weren't ready.

You know,

You didn't have a problem.

You just weren't ready.

And this person isn't ready.

So understand that.

And so make your whatever your relationship agreement issues are,

Make it about respecting one another,

Not about whatever you guys are complaining about.

You know,

Give them the freedom to live their life and the freedom to live your life and the you know,

So if they attack you for something,

Be like,

You know,

I understand that you don't agree with what I'm doing and that's okay.

You have the right to think I'm wrong.

I'm cool with that.

You know,

Everybody's got their own opinion and you think my way is wrong.

That's cool.

I can understand that.

But this is my life and I'm I have to do it my way.

And you have to respect that if you're going to be in relationship with me.

You know,

So make it about respect,

Not about the symptom.

Not about the surface stuff.

Whatever you're arguing about is all surface stuff.

You know,

It's always about something deeper.

And that's respect.

You know,

Now,

I mean,

If somebody you know,

There are people that are literally incapable of respecting other people.

And if you happen to be in relationship with one of them,

Don't lie to yourself again.

You have to be.

People want to get out of relationships so bad because I get it.

They're difficult,

But they want to get out so bad that like they will lie to themselves and others just to lock into just to give themselves the right to leave.

You cannot do that.

You cannot fake the energy.

Slow down.

If there's if your heart is racing in any way,

If there's any irritation,

That is not self-love.

Self-love is so relaxed.

You can't fake it.

It's just like like self-love is you you start wanting to leave the relationship out of love for the other person.

That's what self-love does.

When you're really anchored into your self-love,

You can't be hurt.

So so so whatever they did to you,

It's inconsequential.

You just like you're not worried about it.

You don't need an apology.

You don't care when your side of the street is clean.

You don't care.

Like I walked around with a resentment for.

I think it was like a year and a half or something,

If I remember right,

Which I don't usually do,

And I walked around with one for like a year and a half.

And then I had a I did a podcast with Ben about.

I'm glad you like it,

Jen.

I just saw a comment.

I did a podcast with Ben about resentments,

And Ben asked me,

Do you have any resentments?

And I went,

No,

I've worked through all mine.

Then also I went,

Oh,

Wait,

No,

I do have one.

And there was maybe a half an hour drive to to his office at the time.

And on my drive home.

Like one of the things I try to do,

If I know I'm doing something wrong,

I have to do it right.

Like I have like if I don't know I'm doing something wrong,

Then that's fine.

I give myself a pass.

I didn't know how was I going to change it.

But once I identify,

I need to take action to fix it.

So I was driving home and I was like,

I've been carrying this for a year and a half.

I didn't even know it.

I am taking action on this before I get home.

So I hopped on my phone and I called the person and I didn't like I didn't expect them to answer to be honest with you,

Because we we had a pretty good sized argument last time I saw them and I didn't think they would pick up the phone.

They answered and I was like.

Oh,

I was just going to leave a message,

You know,

Like apologizing for my part,

Because that's when you have a resentment,

You know,

They teach you this in recovery,

You clean your side of the street.

Don't worry about their side of the street.

So I was calling to apologize for my part in what happened.

So he answers and I'm like,

Oh,

Wow.

I even said to him,

I go,

Wow,

I didn't think you were going to answer.

But then I apologized for my side.

Right.

Right after I apologized for my side,

He started apologizing for his side.

And it was the weirdest thing,

Because as soon as he started apologizing,

This energy went through me like,

Oh,

My God,

I can't even believe he's apologizing.

He doesn't have to apologize.

He doesn't owe me an apology.

Now this was something I was carrying a resentment for for a year and a half.

Saying he owed me an apology.

As soon as I apologized,

Like literally,

As soon as I finished apologizing,

The energy shifted inside of me.

And he said,

Like,

Three seconds later,

He started apologizing and the energy inside of me when he doesn't have to apologize.

I don't even know why he's doing it.

I mean,

And I went,

Oh,

My God,

I wanted this for a year and a half.

Now it's happening.

And I don't even care if he gives it to me.

Why?

Because my side of the street was clean.

I don't.

He doesn't.

Nobody.

Then I was in control of my happiness.

I was at peace because my side of the street was clean.

That's all I need to do for peace.

I don't need them to apologize.

I don't need them to take responsibility for their side.

Why?

Because that's outside of me.

That would be a crappy system.

And the universe doesn't create crappy systems.

The universe is intelligent.

God is intelligent.

So it doesn't create a crappy system that's dependent on others.

If we needed something from other people for us to be at peace,

It would be a crappy system.

Why?

Because we can't control other people.

So there would be many people on this planet,

Probably everyone,

Because somebody everybody's been wronged by somebody in this life,

You know,

Multiple times.

So if my side of the street is clean,

I don't need an apology from somebody else.

And understanding that is very freeing.

You know,

We have it's helpful to understand it.

I mean,

I kind of did.

So I just kind of dropped into that energy shift automatically because I had already kind of experienced this type of stuff.

So it was instant with us.

You can kind of drag your feet a little bit if you're not clear on it.

So I'm hoping that's what this podcast will do,

Help get you clear on it.

Like you don't need an apology from them for your side of the street to be clean for you to be at peace.

It's completely unnecessary once you're good.

You know,

The other thing that I.

The other example of this was I think I was in the middle of the custody battle and I was really stressed out when my son was like 12.

And I was moving,

Trying to start a business.

My car was messed up that I just bought.

Just a lot going on,

You know,

And my ex had gotten to me.

Something that had transpired in the custody thing had gotten to me and I was irritated.

And I was talking to this friend that is very spiritual,

My friend Nancy.

And like sometimes we'll bounce things off of each other because she has a deep level of understanding too.

And she can help me and I can help her sometimes.

It's cool.

So I was talking to her and she went right into solution.

Like well,

Glenn,

Maybe you should do this.

Maybe you should do that.

And I wasn't ready to hear solution.

I was feeling like a victim and I was angry.

And I went off on her and I was like,

You know,

Maybe you should tell me instead of telling me what I should do,

Maybe you should be like,

Wow,

Glenn,

Holy crap.

You know,

You've been in family court 10 years and you always take the high road.

Holy cow.

I can't believe how you still live spiritually.

All the crap that you've been through and to take the high road and really,

You know,

I can't believe how wonderful you've done,

Glenn.

Holy crap,

Glenn.

You're amazing,

Glenn.

I can't believe it.

Why don't you give me a little bit of that?

And then you can start telling me what to do.

And I hear silence,

Right?

And all of a sudden she goes,

Oh,

Wow,

That was beautiful.

I'm like,

Beautiful.

And she goes,

She's like,

Yeah.

She's like,

You really needed to hear that.

You really needed to give that to yourself.

And you just did.

You thought you needed to hear it from somebody else,

But nobody can give you what you just gave yourself.

You needed that pat on the back.

You needed to look at yourself in the mirror and go,

Wow,

Glenn,

You're awesome.

Good job.

This isn't easy and you're really doing wonderful.

You needed that and you needed it from yourself because nobody else can give you that.

So that was really beautiful.

And I was like,

You know,

Oh,

My God,

Mind blown.

That was awesome.

You know,

And it sticks in me because it's really like that.

We don't need the other side to be clean.

So whenever I talk about this,

It's relationships.

You know,

The fact is,

Is,

Is.

Most relationships is bad as we think they are.

They are not truly they are not physically abusive and they are not truly,

Deeply,

Emotionally abusive.

Most of them are not.

If you are in one of those relationships that's physically abusive or extremely emotionally abusive and mentally abusive,

Like,

I mean,

You know,

Not all we hurt my feelings like I mean,

Just abusive,

Really.

If you're in one of those situations,

Then then you probably have to get out.

You know what I mean?

Like,

I mean,

You know,

Let's let's be realistic here.

I mean,

You know,

If you're in something like that,

Then you know,

Then you probably have to start working on an exit strategy.

I mean,

Especially if it's physically abusive,

You're not safe.

You need to get that a lot of that,

You know.

And I mean,

Of course,

You can reach out to me and I'll do what I can to help.

And there's there's people in agencies that are very good at this.

You can reach out to them,

Too.

But if you feel safer with me,

Reach out to me and I'll,

You know,

Try to find something in your area or some put together,

I'll try to help you form some sort of plan.

But I mean,

Like I said,

That's fairly rare.

Most of it is the garden variety.

He's an asshole.

She's a bitch type.

You know,

Like those you can work through.

So I'm going to end with this.

Relationships just like everything.

Life gives us what we need to learn what we need to learn.

So whenever I'm in a in a relationship,

What I try to do is learn whatever I can learn while I'm there.

And I do it.

I've done it with jobs that I couldn't find my way out of a job right away.

So I was like,

OK,

Let me learn whatever I need to learn here.

And one of the one of this is just funny,

Someone to say one of the things I needed I felt I needed to learn was I needed to work on my problem with authority.

I have a you know,

Some of you may know I have a major problem with authority.

So I decided to work on that on one of my jobs.

And I did I worked on it for like a year,

Maybe more.

And I'm happy to report that I still have a problem with authority.

It's just me,

Man.

Like I'm not like I always will.

And I don't consider it a problem now.

Like before,

I thought it was an issue that I should work on.

Right.

So I worked on it.

I got to a place where like it didn't trigger me so much,

Which was helpful for the work that I did on it was actually helpful.

I just found out after I did that work and I was more in control of myself and I didn't get triggered so much that I still don't like authority.

So screw it.

I'm never going to like authority.

Screw them all.

But that's just you know,

That's just how I am.

And I have no problem with that.

It's you know,

Like I do it in a healthier way now.

So that's cool.

So so what I was saying is the relationships,

You know,

Think of it as life gave you a scenario to learn from.

Most people leave.

They're in an unhealthy relationship.

They don't complete the work that they should within that.

So then they leave the relationship.

Well,

What do you have to do to complete your work?

You got to go find one,

Another partner that looks just like them or at least that or it looks completely different,

Probably,

But acts just like them.

But they don't at first.

It's hidden,

You know.

So then you get into a relationship with them and then you find out a year or two later that they're the same person.

You're like,

How the heck did I end up here again?

You know,

Anybody have that experience?

Anyone?

Of course,

Everyone.

So what you do.

So what I decided was I'm going to understand that life gives me circumstances to to to grow through.

So I'm going to grow where I'm at.

This is why it's not only important to to to to leave,

Make decisions and leave relationships or scenarios out of self-love.

It's also important to get to that self-love.

How do you get there?

By learning what you're supposed to learn.

If that person does something that triggers you,

Then that's a thorn trying to come out,

As Michael Singer would say.

That is a trigger trying to come out.

Basically what we do is we spend all the time trying to find people that don't trigger us.

Like no,

That's not the journey we're on.

What we need to do is when people trigger us,

Recognize that is a trigger surfacing so it can be healed.

Then we can heal that trigger.

Then next time somebody does it to us,

It doesn't trigger us.

Doesn't mean we have to put up with it.

Doesn't mean we let them continue doing it to us.

It means it doesn't have an emotional charge that triggers us.

We can still not like it.

We can still be like,

Like with me,

With authority.

I don't have an emotional trigger.

If somebody tries pulling authority over me,

I don't get all upset and go like,

Screw you.

You have no authority over me.

Screw you.

No,

That's it.

I work through that.

So what I do is somebody comes in with authority.

They try to,

You know,

Put some authority on me.

I just go,

No.

And they're like,

Well,

Yes.

I go,

No.

It ain't happening to your buddy.

It's just not happening.

I don't know what to tell you.

You're going to have to go find somebody else.

It ain't going to happen.

And it just doesn't,

You know,

So that's the difference.

When I'm healed,

I don't get emotionally triggered.

It doesn't mean that I allow that behavior.

Absolutely not.

I just don't get emotionally triggered.

That's what it gets healed.

So do your work.

Realize that you're in school.

If you're in a crappy relationship,

As long as it's not dangerous or massively abusive,

You're in school.

So learn what you're supposed to learn.

And it's quicker that way.

Because if you learn what you want to learn,

Then like when you go to get into your next relationship,

You're much healthier and take some time in between relationship.

You don't have to.

I found that very helpful.

When I get out of a relationship,

I go on a hunt inside myself.

What were the lessons?

Did I learn them well?

Can I firm them up in another way?

Do I have clarity on them?

I talk them out with people.

Like I mean,

After I'm done a relationship,

It's like,

Because that's one of the best places to learn.

So I'm like,

I want to make sure I learn at all.

Because I love a healthy relationship.

I love being in healthy relationships.

I've been in some and it's fricking awesome.

And I won't be in anything other than that.

So it's like,

I really want to learn as much as I can.

Because I'm single now.

And when people ask me about future of relationships,

I'm like,

Oh my God,

I'm pumped.

I mean,

With all the work I've done on myself,

The level,

The quality,

Just the quality of women that I spend time with on a regular basis is off the fricking charts.

Like my female friends are off the charts.

My male friends are off the charts too.

You know,

I surround myself with amazing people.

The woman that I end up being in a long term partnership with,

I mean,

I can only fathom how amazing she's going to be.

You know,

It's,

I'm pumped.

So do your work.

Yes,

Jen,

You got it.

I'm just noticing your comments.

And Gina said she was agreeing with me.

Good.

I'm glad.

Gina and I usually agree on a lot of things.

So when we're talking things out like this type of stuff.

So cool.

All right,

People.

Well,

That's going to be a wrap.

That was fun.

I liked how that went.

I had no like,

I just kept looking for I guess I was supposed to talk about this and I was and I needed you guys.

So thank you.

Was that I was like this,

This,

This.

I looked up a few.

I'm like,

I have no idea.

Nothing's jumping out at me.

So I'll just go out there.

And this is what happened.

And I really loved it.

It was fun.

So I think there was some good info for you guys here.

So all right.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you for your input,

Your sharing,

Your help,

Your energy.

And I will talk with you guys soon.

Where is my?

All right.

That'll do it.

Peace out,

Girls.

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