Bullying - L,L,&L W/ Glenn Ambrose

Like anything in life, we must clearly identify the problem and solutions in order to appropriately deal with the issue at hand. In this podcast I discuss the topic of bullying, the actual problem and the solutions. It's probably not what you think!

Transcript

Welcome to Life,

Lessons,

And Laughter with your host,

Glenn Ambrose.

Hello,

Hello everybody.

I'm playing around with a little overlay slash background stuff for you guys watching the video that wondered what the heck just happened.

Anywho,

So yeah,

Today I want to talk to you guys about bullying,

A subject that's near and dear to my heart.

I experienced a lot of it growing up.

You know,

It's a multifaceted topic.

It really is because it's,

You know,

When I think about my childhood,

My childhood,

I had a great childhood in a lot of ways.

And certain aspects of the bullying,

Some of it was,

I had some extreme bullying that was done to me.

And there were certain aspects of it that weren't so specific to me.

You know,

I,

I grew up in a small town,

Massachusetts,

And it was just old school.

You know,

It was,

A lot of it was boys being boys to some degree.

You know,

It was,

You went out to the playground and you got a bunch of boys together with different varying of testosterone going.

And there's an aggressiveness that comes along with that.

And I think part of it is natural and part of it isn't,

You know,

I think.

So there's certain aspects of it that I look back on and I'm like,

You know,

Now that I've healed through it,

I look back on it and go,

Yeah,

I mean,

You know,

Some of it was just boys being boys.

And there's an aspect of it that it was almost simpler,

Simpler way of life.

And,

And it,

It also taught us respect in a lot of ways,

I think,

You know,

Like I learned growing up that you had to be careful what you said to who,

You know,

You couldn't just be spouting off at the mouth.

And I think that because there's accountability,

If you said the wrong thing to the wrong person,

If you didn't take into consideration who you were talking to,

You might end up with a fist in the mouth.

And it happened regularly.

So like you,

You started learning.

And then when I got older,

You know,

They say that you stop maturing when you start drinking alcohol or using drugs in an unhealthy way,

You know,

Like to deal with life like I did as an alcoholic.

So like,

I kind of stopped maturing at 15.

And then when I was 35,

And got sober,

Like I basically learned everything about life then,

Instead of learning gradually as I went.

So I remember,

You know,

In my early 30s,

Like some of the mentalities were still the same.

And there's,

Even to this day,

There's some similarities to how I grew up.

Because of the accountability that I learned in those situations.

So like,

If,

If there's like,

To this day,

I don't do well with somebody yelling at me in a disrespectful way,

I just,

It's just not allowed.

And like,

The way my brain processes that is the way I grew up,

It was like,

If you're if you're two boys,

Or two men,

And you're talking to one another,

And it starts getting disrespectful,

There's a there's a line like that you just don't cross,

Because it's it's complete disrespect.

It's not because,

You know,

It's no longer just kind of speaking your mind,

There's a line where it just gets personal,

And you start disrespecting.

And when you cross that line,

The way that I was raised is like,

You have to be careful,

Because you don't know what this other person is going to do.

If it's man versus man.

This man could be willing to punch you in the head.

So you got to think twice.

And it's like,

That's kind of embedded in me.

So like,

When if somebody's,

If another adult man is coming at me in this extreme disrespectful way,

The first thing that my brain does is goes like,

Wait a minute,

Why do they think that they have the right to speak to me like this without any consequences coming?

Right?

So if you take the violence out of it,

It's just the mindset that you learned,

It's there's possible consequences.

You don't just run around disrespecting people,

Because they might be the one that's going to take your head off.

So you know,

That's the why back to the violence,

But I mean,

Just the idea,

But what I learned was,

Was that you don't just go around disrespecting people,

Because you don't know who that guy is,

And who that guy isn't.

A lot of times,

It's the quiet ones that don't get that upset very often,

That are the most dangerous.

So,

So you learn to assess the situation,

You know,

And you learn to not be disrespectful,

Unless you're willing to pay the price,

Unless you're willing to back it up.

You know,

So there's a certain aspect of accountability and stuff that goes on with the boys just being but,

You know,

More importantly,

This is about the bullying aspect,

When it crosses that line,

When it's when it's really into the the putting others down to,

To lift you up,

Right,

That's really what bullying is.

I mean,

Bullying isn't about the person getting bullied.

Bullying is about what's going on inside of the bully,

Right,

And hurt people hurt other people.

So a bully,

When they're bullying,

It's because there's something off inside of them,

They don't feel like they're good enough.

So they need to put it's kind of like stealing energy dynamic.

It's if you can overpower somebody physically,

And they cower,

Then you're basically stealing their energy,

I'm powerful,

And you're diminished.

You know,

Your power is diminished in mind rises.

So that's,

Of course,

That's all the egoic,

Right?

It's in whenever there's this separation between two people or two things,

It's egoic.

So because the ego creates separation,

Because really,

We're all one.

So when in a spiritual sense,

So when you get into the separation and stealing energy from one to another,

Like that's egoic action,

And there's something wrong with what's inside,

Going on inside the bully.

And I think that right now,

In the world,

And I'm not saying that we shouldn't do this at all.

I'm just saying that the way we're going about preventing bullying is never going to work because it doesn't deal with the problem.

The problem is something that's going on inside of the bully,

We don't deal with that,

We just label them as bad.

And then we try to cut them out,

Punish them to make them feel even worse about themselves when they're already feeling bad about themselves,

Which is inciting the bullying.

Um,

So then we punish them.

And if they change their behavior through punishment,

Which generally they're not going to,

Because we've proven that negative behavior does not permanently change through negative consequences.

Negative behavior only changes through positive consequences,

Through getting people to not feel the way that is fueling the poor behavior.

That's how we change poor behavior.

So punishing them is just going to make them feel worse about themselves.

So it's just going to continue.

You know,

Now,

If somebody's acting out,

And they're not really traumatized inside,

Like,

You know,

Like,

Let's say somebody is just experimenting with bullying.

And because it kind of makes them feel a little bit better.

I mean,

They feel okay about themselves,

But they're growing up,

They don't really know who they are.

So they're kind of experimenting with things in dynamics.

And you know,

I saw this very clearly when my son was growing up,

When kids are young.

Yeah,

There's some bullying going on depending on the situation.

But when it gets older,

It gets worse.

It gets like mental warfare.

You know,

When they when their identity really starts locking in,

And like when they start hitting junior high,

High school,

And the clicks really start forming.

And you know,

Now all of a sudden,

There's a popular group.

And then the way a lot of times the way they get popular is by putting down others.

So then,

You know,

Now that separation is really being created,

And the bullying gets worse at that time.

So it's,

It's people are creating their identity,

And they want to be in with the with the group that people don't make fun of.

So that's the popular group,

Right?

Well,

A lot of people in the popular group are making fun of the people lower.

So you know,

It starts with that mental warfare and just really leaning into the bullying.

So with this,

You know,

We're never going to stop bullying by punishing the bully.

Now,

Like I said,

I'm,

I can't count how many times I said this,

But I'm going to continue saying it because for some reason,

The the ego pushes out every time I say this.

When people when the ego tries to defend itself,

Or when people come at me with counterpoints,

They it's always the same thing.

It's an egoic stand going,

Saying,

Glenn,

What you're saying is that we shouldn't hold people accountable.

And that is not what I'm saying.

Never has been never will be what I'm saying.

I believe accountability is mandatory in society.

And I think we need it.

So there's a certain amount of dealing with the bullies and protecting the other kids that we need to do.

However,

Again,

As I was saying,

If you're if that's the only thing that you're doing,

You're never going to solve bullying because it doesn't address the problem.

The problem is what's going on inside the bully and the low self esteem in some way,

Shape or form that's transpiring inside of them,

Making them do this stuff.

So it's not just the it's not just the egoic.

Oh,

I know this isn't right,

But I'm kind of going to pick on that kid a little bit just so I look cool in front of my friends.

There's certain aspects of that that we can punish kids for.

I mean,

Just like,

You know,

At school,

Because I mean,

That's kind of how school is set up.

This still isn't the optimal way because.

It doesn't really deal with the problem,

But my point is,

Is sometimes if there's there's consequences,

Right,

And somebody's just experimenting with something and they pay a consequence,

Then they're going to be like,

Oh,

That wasn't really worth it.

You know,

I'm not going to do that again.

So you can kind of minimize some of the surface stuff with the way we're doing things now,

As long as it's not the zero like the zero policy for.

For bullying,

Like some I think some take it too far,

It's like there's a there's a natural aggressiveness because of the testosterone especially in boys.

Right.

And if somebody pushes somebody,

Yeah,

You want to deter that behavior,

But to throw them out of school and then send them off to a school filled with a bunch of troubled kids because they push somebody in the playground once is ridiculous.

All you're doing is you're turning that person into more of a bully because or a major victim because they're not really a bad person.

And now they're out of school with a bunch of bullies that are going to kick the crap out of them or they're going to have to raise their game and become much more of a better bully.

And like so this is the real problem I have with the way we're dealing with things is and we do this in more ways than just bullying.

This is why punishment doesn't work because,

You know,

Like I was saying earlier,

It doesn't address the problem.

So what does it do,

Though?

What does punishment do?

If it doesn't solve the problem,

Then what does it do?

It actually exacerbates the problem and makes it worse.

So people think that the solution is to get all the bullies out of the school.

Right.

Then what?

Where do these bullies go?

What happens to these bullies?

Just because they're not in your school doesn't mean they're not in your society.

And I think that that's the part that people forget to take into consideration.

They're still part of society.

Now they have this bullying potential and what something wrong inside of them that's making them bully this low self-esteem.

And now you're fueling that.

You're saying that they really are a bad person so bad that they can't go to a normal school.

You surround them with a bunch of other negative influences.

And this is the same thing that happens in prison,

By the way.

You just people come out better prisoner,

Better dysfunctional people,

More capable of more crimes.

They don't go in to get rehabilitated.

They don't come in and come out better.

I mean,

Of course,

Some of them do.

Some of them will in any situation.

And I think those are the people who are most often not so caught up in the dysfunction going on inside of them or somehow able to shift what's inside of them and go,

Wow,

I'm not going to live my life like this.

Like that takes a certain level of self-esteem.

I don't know if people are aware of that,

But like if you have zero self-esteem,

You have no hope for a better life.

And if society is telling you you're a loser over and over again,

And you have no hope for a better life,

Then you're just going to settle into the crappy life.

So these people that are actually rehabilitated through these crappy systems,

Like being thrown out of school and going into a school for troubled kids or going into prison,

If anybody actually rehabs through those scenarios,

It's pure luck.

That's like just on them.

They must have had some glimmer of hope inside of them that they might be capable of something better.

And then they happen to feed that on their own somehow.

It's not because of the system.

The system didn't do it.

The system didn't help them.

They did that on their own.

They rehabilitated themselves.

And there's going to be a certain population of people that do that,

But the majority are not going to do that.

The majority are going to come out worse.

And what this is the problem is with our system of punishment,

That you take people that have trauma and difficulty going on inside of them,

And you put more trauma and more difficulty on top of them by excommunicating them in some way,

Shape or form into society and throwing them out with a bunch of other bad people.

And you go there,

We solve the problem.

Really?

Okay,

Well,

What's going to happen?

Like,

Why is there crime in the streets all the time?

Why isn't it getting less than if this process worked?

You know,

Crime is as bad as it ever was.

We're just building more prisons and it's just getting worse.

And we think that we're getting them out of society,

But we can't keep them in jail all the time.

Why are repeat offenders make most crimes,

Right?

So we have to stop the repeat offending.

But instead,

What we're doing is we push them out of society and we go there.

They're often a school for troubled children,

So they're not part of society.

They're often jail,

So they're not part of society.

Wrong.

Because guess what happens?

They get out of jail.

They get out of that school eventually,

And then they're back into your society.

And you know what they're going to do?

They're going to break into your house,

And they're going to damage your things,

And they're going to steal your stuff.

Why?

Because it's the only life they have.

It's the only one that they know.

See,

We can't take people in our society.

Society is a group of people.

So if you take 10% of society and you just push them aside instead of trying to help them,

They just come back worse.

You didn't get rid of the problem.

It may seem like you did temporarily,

But now instead of pushing your kid down at recess,

They might kidnap and kill somebody.

Oh,

That's better.

You know,

We're not dealing with the problem.

So now the solution is actually dealing with what's going on internally in the bully and healing that.

Then they'll stop bullying,

And then they'll become a productive member of society.

So this is,

I think,

Part,

That's part of the solution.

We need to start designing programs that do that instead of creating future criminals,

Because that's what we're doing.

Now,

The other part,

What do we do in the meantime,

Right?

As we're actually working on rehabilitating and helping these people who feel the need to lash out at other people to make themselves feel better,

What else can we do to protect these children that are getting bullied?

Because like I said,

I got bullied a lot at different times of my life.

And then I solved it in high school by fighting,

Which is not the best solution.

This is why it came back to me.

My son was an amazing,

Wonderful kid to be a parent to.

I mean,

Very little problems,

Wonderful child,

Just love him to death.

But when he was younger,

I was wondering why he was so good because I was so bad.

And my friends were like,

It's because you work through your stuff so he doesn't have to reflect it back to you.

That's what kids do.

They reflect our problems back to us so we can heal them.

And like my son didn't have to reflect a lot of things back to me because I worked through them with my spiritual awakenings and stuff.

But there were a few things that I didn't work through properly,

And he did reflect those back to me.

So he experienced some bullying.

I experienced some bullying.

I dealt with it by fighting.

That's not the best solution.

It worked for me.

I just wanted the bullying to stop.

I was having panic attacks,

Petrified to go to school when I was a freshman in high school because I was getting bullied so much.

And over the summer,

I decided it wasn't going to happen anymore.

I couldn't function like that.

I was just a ball of nerves.

I was just a constant ball of fear.

And it wasn't just school.

Walking down the street,

I was scared.

I was scared all the time,

And I couldn't live like that anymore.

So I asked adults.

Nobody could give me good ways of dealing with anything.

If I told on the kid,

The kid found out I told on them,

Then I got bullied 10 times worse.

So there was no solutions that any adults tried giving me that helped in any way.

Some of the adults were like,

Punch the biggest one in the head.

That's the only chance you got.

So that's what I did.

I started sophomore year.

I went into school,

And I was like,

I went in and I went like,

What am I scared of?

And I went getting bullied.

No,

Like,

Really,

Specifically,

What are you scared of?

I remember doing this in my head,

And it was like getting beat up.

Well,

What about getting beat up?

Well,

The fist hitting my face.

Well,

Why does that scare you?

Well,

Because I experienced pain.

Oh,

Okay.

So you're fearful of experiencing pain from getting beat up?

Yes.

I was like,

Okay.

So the only thing I could figure out as a 14,

15 year old kid was I was like,

Okay,

Well,

How do you get over fear?

Well,

You just go,

You lean into it.

You go through it.

You experience it enough times,

So you're not scared of it anymore.

So my intention going into school sophomore year was to get in as many fights as I could,

Which I figured since I didn't really know how to fight well,

I figured I would get beat up.

So I was like,

Okay,

Well,

You're just going to have to get beat up enough to where you're not scared of getting beat up anymore.

You've gotten beat up so many times that you're just not scared of getting beat up anymore.

That was my solution.

And so that's what I did.

I went into school with that intention.

And I was shocked because once I like,

As soon as anybody messed with me,

I attacked expecting to get into a fight.

Most of the time they didn't want to fight.

And I was like,

Oh my God,

That's when I started understanding bullying on a new level.

I was like,

Oh,

Most people just want to put me down and make fun of me.

They're not willing to back it up.

So like if I push them to the point where like,

If you mess with me,

You have to fight me.

If everybody knows that,

Like nobody's going to mess with me because most people don't want to get in a fight.

It's too much work.

They can just go put down other people and bully them and feel better about themselves without all the fighting and the getting in trouble at school and all this stuff.

So all of a sudden I was like,

Oh,

Okay,

That's how this works.

So I just developed a reputation.

If anybody gave me any crap,

I just unleashed on them.

And pretty soon people left me alone,

Stopped bullying me.

You know,

Now I had to back it up several times,

But I was shocked that 90% of the time I didn't even have to fight.

You know,

It was just,

I had to be willing to fight.

That's when I understood kind of the rule,

Whoever's willing to go the farthest wins in an unconscious dynamic,

Right?

So now that was my way of dealing with it.

As I said,

My son reflected this back to me as he got older.

Why?

Because that's not a healthy way to deal with it.

Running around,

Getting in fights is not a good way to deal with bullying.

It's not the right way.

It was just the best thing I could figure out on my own at that age.

So,

You know,

Later in life,

I had to dive into this and figure out how to deal with it more as an adult looking,

You know,

That had done a lot of work on themselves and understood things better.

Now I looked at it and to be honest with you,

There was so much emotion around my son and my past,

I had difficulty navigating this.

But eventually I saw that it wasn't,

It wasn't,

You know,

I started looking at the energy of my solution that kind of seemingly worked to some degree.

The energy of it wasn't,

It wasn't,

If I take the fighting part out,

What it was,

Was confidence,

You know,

And I started seeing how I started exuding it in other ways even when I wasn't fighting.

Nobody,

So like to put the fighting to the side and just discuss like normal bullying,

Like verbal putting down and embarrassing and stuff like that.

Like that's where a lot of it starts.

It doesn't usually start with a punch in the head.

It might escalate to that,

You know,

And some bullies might do that.

But for the most part,

It usually starts with the embarrassing and the putting people down and stuff like that until they know that you're scared of them and you won't fight back.

Then a lot of times the violence might come in.

So what I noticed in my behavior is I actually developed a bunch of tools around this as I was going through high school.

And like what I learned was that nobody could make fun of me,

Like boys especially,

But kids and people sense weakness.

They can sense it.

We can read energy and people can read energy better than they think.

And kids can really read energy well.

So like they pick up on insecurity and especially as a boy,

If there's any insecurity,

It's a sign of weakness.

So like when people would try making fun of me,

I wouldn't let them get to me energetically.

Like you actually have to do it energetically.

You can't just say things that you don't mean because they'll sense the fear in your voice and they'll sense that you don't really believe it.

So you actually have to believe this stuff and you have to raise your confidence level.

So where when you're,

You know,

Somebody's making fun of you,

Like I used to own it all the time,

You know,

Like I had like,

Well,

I mean,

I still have big ears,

Right?

These big old ears.

Well,

When I was little and my head was even smaller,

These ears looked even bigger and they stuck out even more,

Man.

So like I used to get picked on,

Especially kids sitting behind me.

And,

You know,

They're like,

Oh my God,

Those satellite dishes and all this stuff.

And like,

I would spin around and I'd be like,

Yeah,

I can get Tokyo in on these things,

Man.

Like I would own it.

Now it just pulled the energy right out of them.

They're trying to put me down to make themselves look better or feel better.

And I just go right with it.

Doesn't bother me in the least.

Yeah.

I'll join right in on the joke.

Now,

All of a sudden,

It's like they didn't get the feedback that they wanted.

They didn't get the energy,

Energetic exchange that they wanted.

They wanted to make fun of me and they wanted me to go,

Oh,

Don't say that.

That hurts my feelings or some version of that.

Right.

And then they've got me.

Now they're overpowering me.

But if I just went with it and just made fun of myself,

Then they had no ammunition to make fun of me.

Whatever they said about me,

I was like,

Absolutely.

I owned it.

And I'm like,

Oh,

Crap.

You know,

And then sometimes if I was owning something that,

That,

You know,

People would think like,

Why would he own that?

Like,

You're a moron,

Glenn.

And that's probably not a good example,

But I'm just going to go with it.

Oh,

Yeah.

Yeah,

I am.

I'm a total moron.

So,

You know,

And then they'd be like,

Oh,

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do.

So then they'd think that they still had me.

So they'd go to other people.

They'd be like,

Glenn,

Glenn thinks he's a moron.

And I'd look at them.

I'd be like,

Yeah.

So what's wrong with being a moron?

There's all kinds of morons out there.

I'm just one of many.

Have you looked in the mirror lately?

And just own it and just like,

And,

And it's amazing no matter how stupid it sounds.

Yeah,

I'm a moron.

It doesn't matter what you say.

It matters that they can't get one over on you.

They can't make you feel bad about yourself.

They can't do that.

That's confidence.

That's a version of confidence.

No matter what anybody says,

They can't make you feel bad about yourself.

And one of the techniques of that is owning it,

Which I just explained,

You know,

There are other techniques.

And that's,

You know,

I guess that foundationally,

It's just not,

Not believing what other people say,

Understanding that that's them and it has nothing to do with you.

And it's not real just because they said it.

So I'm not internalizing it.

Therefore,

I'm not feeling bad.

So it's this,

This,

This confidence raising,

You know,

And then plus I got good at comebacks,

You know,

I was pretty quick witted so I could come up with stuff.

Once I started practicing,

I could come up with stuff.

And then,

You know,

If I could come up with something wittier and funnier than they did,

Which a lot of times the people who are bullying are not that witty.

That's just not.

It's probably why they feel insecure.

There's a problem,

Probably a part of them that knows that they're not quite as intelligent or witty as other people always.

I mean,

There are intelligent,

Witty bullies,

But I'm just generalizing.

But I've just found that that like,

There are a lot of people that can outwit a bully.

So I would just,

You know,

And like I said,

A lot of this stuff is just.

It's not deal like dealing with the real bully is,

Of course,

The biggest problem.

But if you're laying the groundwork where nobody can get to you,

You're not a victim.

See,

This is my whole point here.

Whatever I teach,

It's empowering.

To me,

Empowerment is one of the major spiritual terms in the world.

Everything about spirituality is empowering.

Connecting to your true self,

To your true source,

Everything about it is empowering,

Right?

So this is all about empowerment.

Empowering yourself,

Confidence,

Feeling good about yourself,

Because once you do that,

You can knock away all these pseudo bullies that just kind of play the word games and try messing with you and overpowering you verbally.

And they're not really bullies.

They're just kind of looking for a little status within their society in school,

You know,

Or in a workplace when you're an adult.

It's the same thing.

You know,

I think bullying is a lot worse when we're young in school and stuff.

But it does happen in workplaces.

I've seen it.

Like,

Since I got I didn't need to bring violence into my workplace.

I mean,

I guess I threatened it once or twice when I before I got sober with some extreme situations.

But I didn't have to do that when I got older.

I just had enough confidence that nobody was going to pick on me.

And if they tried,

It wasn't going to go anywhere,

You know.

But it does happen in workplaces.

It was never really a problem for me as an adult,

Because like I said,

I had learned all this stuff growing up,

And I had enough confidence where I could nip it in the bud.

And they just realized real quick that I wasn't one.

I wasn't one of the ones that they were going to pick on.

So they just went and found somebody else because they couldn't get to me.

There's no payoff.

Right.

So that's what we want to get to is the confidence is no payoff for the bully.

And like I said,

Most of the bullying that transpires isn't because the kids are really bad.

It's just they don't know who they are.

They're trying to find out their own identity.

They're trying to fit into the hierarchy of cliques in school,

And they don't want to be one of the ones that's getting picked on.

You know,

Honestly,

A lot of kids pick on other kids for one reason,

And that's because they don't want to be the one that's getting picked on.

And they figure out by watching that,

Like,

If I pick on other kids,

Then I'm not getting picked on at that time.

So they just start doing it just because they don't have a better solution,

You know.

And this is what I'm talking about,

Giving those kids a better solution so they don't have to go pick on other kids,

Giving them a lot of the bullies start out by getting bullied.

Like,

I don't I don't remember bullying kids when I was in high school,

Even when I had the really bad reputation of fighting all the time.

I don't remember bullying kids.

I mean,

I'm sure I was very self-absorbed and into alcohol and partying,

And I'm sure I said some things that I shouldn't have said to kids.

And I bet you and actually I heard this a few times,

Some kids were scared of me that I didn't even know who they were like or what I had done to them.

And a lot of times I hadn't done anything to them.

I did.

You know,

Let me correct.

I do remember a few times where I did do a little bit of bullying.

And.

I shouldn't say it that way.

I do remember like one just popped into my head,

I know I didn't do it that often or I don't think I did it very often,

But I do remember at least a couple of times where I bullied somebody.

As a general rule,

Though,

I was not that guy.

If I saw somebody,

Even if they're like if I was a junior and I saw a big senior that probably could kick my butt picking on some little freshman,

I used to stand up to the senior because I'm like because I might pick on pick on somebody that will give it back to you.

You think you're tough picking on this little kid that you know can't do anything about it?

Like you can probably kick my butt.

So why don't you try it with me?

Like I used to do that.

Like that was more of who I was.

But like I said,

I,

You know,

I was very self-absorbed and very into drinking.

And and.

I know I did some things that I shouldn't so shouldn't have.

So.

But my point is,

Is that like most kids that are bullying are just trying to fit in,

They're not actual bullies.

So if we can give them a way to fit in and give the people who are consistent victims of bullying a way out.

That,

I think,

Is what we really need to feed,

Because if you feed that the the the basic solution,

As I mentioned,

Is confidence.

Right.

So what happens if we start feeding these middle of the road bullies that are just trying to fit in?

They're not really bad people.

We feed them with confidence.

They're going to immediately stop bullying other kids because they don't really want to bully other kids anyway.

So that's going to get rid of a bunch of the bullying.

Then we we teach confidence and empowerment to the kids that are getting bullied.

Now,

All of a sudden they go from because like insecurity is never going to serve you in life.

You never get good things out of being insecure.

Right.

So when you're in school,

You you get bullied like crazy when you get older in life,

Then you don't go for the job that you actually want.

You don't ask out the girl that you actually want to date.

You don't do this.

You don't do that.

You don't do that.

Why?

Because of all the insecurity.

Right.

So if we start feeding these kids that have secure insecurity problems and we start building their self-esteem and building their confidence as a tool to stop the bullying.

Then they're now all of a sudden we're enhancing the quality of the people that we're putting out into society,

There's more happy people,

There's more people capable of accomplishing their dreams.

There's more like this is how we feed society to become a better society and address an actual problem.

Do you see how that's different than just punishing a bully and then trying to excommunicate them out of society and then waiting until he comes back and just performs worse crimes?

That's our system now.

I mean,

Really,

When you break it down like that,

Isn't that foolish?

And expecting society to get better or be okay because of it?

No,

We're just turning out more and more.

We're literally creating criminals.

That's what we're doing in our society.

We are literally creating more criminals by the way we do things.

Or we can start dealing with the problem.

Start trying to figure out what's going on inside of the bully.

Instead of lowering their self-esteem,

Start rising their self-esteem,

Finding things that they're good at,

Dealing with whatever's troubling them.

So that's one aspect.

And then the other aspect is we're teaching confidence and self-esteem to the kids that don't really want to bully,

But they are because they can't find another way to fit in.

And they want to make sure they're not the ones getting picked on.

So then that gets rid of a bunch more bullying.

So we're actually helping the bully in a productive way that is not only going to minimize bullying,

The real bullies,

That's not only going to minimize bullying,

But it's going to help them become productive members of society.

And then we're taking the people in the middle that are bullying just to fit in and we're giving them other options to feel good about themselves.

So they don't have to,

And they don't want to anyway,

So they're going to stop pretty quickly.

And then we have the victims of the bullying.

So then we teach them confidence and self-esteem.

And now all of a sudden,

They're not experiencing bullying because when a bully tries,

It's just that they don't get the rise out of them.

So now all of a sudden they have more self-esteem and then they take that self-esteem and go out into life and become more productive,

Happier,

Healthier members of society.

So do you see when you really break it down and you look at it from all the dynamics,

You can see how and why what we're doing now doesn't work.

And you can see what the actual solutions are.

Yeah,

I liked how all that came together.

So this is my perspective on bullying.

I'm just kind of running through to see if there's anything else I want to add.

But really,

I think I addressed what we're doing wrong with the bullies and what we could do right.

I addressed the middle of the road people who make up a lot of it and how easy it would be to help them through just by building their self-esteem and confidence because they don't really want to be doing that anyway.

So they're looking for a better solution.

And then also dealing with the people who are really the victims of bullying and how raising their self-esteem and confidence not only prevents them from getting bullied because the bully doesn't get the feedback that they want,

They don't strike fear into them anymore.

So now all of a sudden it minimizes the bullying in school.

And as they get older,

They're going out into the world with more self-esteem.

So do you see how building self-esteem is the answer right across the board?

Instead of punishing bad behavior,

We're fueling good behavior in all three situations.

And we're working towards a solution.

We're putting energy towards a solution.

And we're creating a better society over generations by doing this.

So then,

You know,

One or two generations,

We have less bullying.

Right now,

Like we go,

Oh,

We're cracking down on bullying.

Bullying's bad.

Bullies are bad.

Crack down,

Crack down.

Okay.

So now all you're doing is you're creating more career criminals in two generations from now.

You're going to have more crime two generations from now instead of less.

It's going to be worse.

You're going to have,

You know,

Instead of a couple schools for troubled children,

You're going to have to have 50% schools for kids who aren't problems and 50% schools for kids who are problems because we're not ever solving any of the problems.

We're not working towards solution to any of the problems.

We're just hitting them over the head and saying that they're bad and pretending they're not part of our society.

And then waiting until they come back to cause more harm.

So hopefully we can focus on a solution,

You know,

And,

You know,

I don't know who needs to hear this.

Maybe you're a parent with a kid that's getting bullied and,

You know,

You're looking for some help and you want to start teaching them how to be more confident in themselves so they're not the victim.

Or maybe your kid bullied a couple times and you're trying to work with them.

Or maybe your kid's a real bully and you're trying to curtail their behavior.

And now what you're listening to is you're like,

Oh,

Their behavior is fruit fueled by something negative inside of them.

We have to understand that,

Like whenever anybody is doing,

Acting out in any way and poor behavior,

It's because there's something wrong inside of them.

And we need to find out what that is and deal with that,

Not just look at their behavior.

You know,

That's what was happening with me.

I was in inner turmoil as a kid,

And then I start acting out and everybody's like,

Oh,

You're bad.

And I'm like,

Oh,

Okay,

Well,

Thank you.

And I had less of a reason to try to fit in or try to do the right thing because I was bad anyway.

What's the point?

It just lowered my self-esteem even more.

So hopefully that helps.

Hopefully,

You know,

I know I didn't necessarily,

I know I haven't created a program to implement in the schools.

That takes time.

If there's school systems out there that would like me to do it,

I'd be happy to get involved,

But I ain't going to do it over here and then start bringing it around to school systems and have them go,

Yeah,

Sounds good,

Glenn,

But,

You know,

Like we just don't have the funds to implement that right now.

It's like,

Well,

You know,

Whatever.

I'm not here to save the world.

I'm just here to spread messages,

To give people other ways of thinking of things that hopefully can help them.

And if there's something that I can do to specifically help either individuals or groups of people,

Schools,

Workplaces,

Or whatever else,

I'm open.

So reach out.

But until then,

I'm going to be spreading information and helping my clients to the best of my ability.

So,

All right,

Peeps,

Hope that helps.

Thank you for listening.

And I believe that's going to do it.

All right.

Peace.