Addiction

Today's show is all about addiction. Glenn discusses the different things that bring out the addictive tendencies in all of us, and how to help.

Transcript

Welcome to Life,

Lessons,

And Laughter with your host Glenn Ambrose.

Hello,

Welcome to Life,

Lessons,

And Laughter with Glenn Ambrose.

Today we're talking about obviously a very comical subject,

Addiction.

No,

It's not comical.

I'm just laughing at myself,

Not the subject matter.

Anybody that doesn't listen to this when it's released and is going through all of the categories of the names of the episodes,

And they're like,

Oh,

Addiction,

That's what I really need to listen to,

Addiction.

And then they hit that opening.

And then they hit the opening,

And within 30 seconds we're howling.

They're like,

What is wrong with this dude?

This is not going to help me.

This is a new twist on addiction.

This dude laughs about it.

What are they on right now?

Yeah,

Really,

What are they addicted to?

Maybe they need to listen to their own show.

Wait,

We haven't recorded it yet.

We'll be very sober by the end of this.

Yeah,

Yeah,

I'll make sure I break down and cry a little later.

Just offset to balance.

It's all about balance,

You know.

So anyway,

So addiction,

Back into the depths of addiction.

Yeah,

Well,

Since I wrote an article in the June issue of Natural Awakenings magazine,

We figured we'd do a little addiction special.

So now available at places everywhere.

Yeah,

Go pick up yours.

Including the studio,

If you're leaving them.

And the other thing too is actually,

You can read this article online if you go to Natural Awakenings.

RINaturalawakenings.

Com.

Yes,

Go there.

And it's in the June edition,

Called See the World anew,

Conquering addiction by Glenn Ambrose.

He sounds like an interesting dude.

Anywho.

So let's start with like a definition.

We'll go from there.

Addiction can be defined as a persistent compulsive dependence on a behavior or substance.

It's a progressive syndrome increasing in severity over time unless it is treated.

It can take many forms,

Some are obvious and some are not.

So that's all the reading I'm going to do.

But it's important to know that it's an addiction to a substance or behavior that is becoming a problem in your life.

If you're choosing a behavior or a substance over your own peace and happiness,

There's an issue.

There's an issue in your life.

And the problem isn't the substance or the behavior,

It's the fact that you need to choose it.

The fact that your life is going in a direction that you're not happy with and you need to escape from it by getting a high or a fix out of an addictive action,

That's the problem.

So the problem isn't necessarily the actual substance,

It's that you need to turn to it.

That's the problem.

The substance or the behavior is actually a solution to a bigger problem.

And you're incapable of dealing with life on life's terms without turning to the addiction.

So although the addiction is a crappy solution,

It's still a solution nonetheless.

Life is the problem.

There are,

I mean,

Obviously when somebody says addiction,

The word addiction conjures up images of alcohol,

Cigarettes,

Drugs,

Possibly food and sex.

Those are the main ones.

Those are the main ones that most people are aware of.

And even the sex one is just getting more well known nowadays because of the media.

But even there are other things,

Like people can be addicted to anything.

Online shopping,

Surgery,

Texting,

Going to the gym,

Binge watching shows.

Relationships is very common.

People get addicted to relationships and a lot of times it's at the beginning of a relationship because of that honeymoon period,

There's that high that they get that somebody might – it doesn't really matter if they've been alone for a while or if they've been in a relationship.

But when they get into a new relationship,

There's that rush of endorphins,

That little high that comes out.

And I mean,

I've seen it in different situations where people are trying to separate from one another and they go a certain period of time and I've even done this in a past relationship where I'd go a certain period of time and then all of a sudden to reach out to that person just because I'm a nice guy.

Like oh,

I just happen to run across this article that would help this person dealing with this particular situation that I know they're going through.

And I mean,

What kind of human being would I be if I didn't pass that on?

I mean,

It's just me being a kind person.

It has nothing to do with her.

And then I'd send an email.

It doesn't have anything to do with her.

It's you feeding your addiction.

Right.

And then all of a sudden,

So I'd send that email and it's like,

Oh,

I'd get that fixed.

And she'd respond,

Thank you.

Oh,

Okay,

Good.

And I'd go on because consciously I was telling myself that I wasn't trying to stay connected with her.

Then all of a sudden,

A month or two,

Whatever that cycle was,

However long it was at the time would go and then all of a sudden another reason would come up.

And I've had it happen to me where every four months,

Like clockwork,

All of a sudden a girl would reach out to me and it's like,

Whoop,

You know,

There it comes.

So it's that,

But that's a form of addiction because it's your,

You're taking an unhealthy behavior.

It's just,

People aren't aware of it,

You know?

And what happens with that particular addiction is oftentimes the,

The,

The person that's trying to get on with their life,

Like that,

That actually has the addictive aspect.

Subconsciously they're blocking any new relationships from coming into their life because they're still attached unconsciously to this other person.

So it's,

You know,

They're not even aware.

They're probably out there even,

They could even be out there dating.

We talked about that.

We talked about that last episode.

They're staring ahead at the door that won't open.

Yes.

Yeah,

They're staying.

And they can't see anything else that might open around them because another door is going to open somewhere,

But they're just,

They're fixated on that one because they have an addiction to it.

Right.

And it's,

You know,

I like that example because it's not so obvious.

You know,

You,

You,

You look at an alcoholic that's destroying his life or her life and you're like,

Oh my God,

Well,

Look,

Isn't that horrible?

But we all have,

Of course it is,

But we all have addictive aspects to our life.

We're very habitual beings.

We get little subconscious feeds off a lot of things that we do in our lives and we're completely unaware of it.

And it's the same basis,

You know,

It's the same basis as these other things.

It's just,

You know,

Working,

I've done a lot of work with addicts and alcoholics and beyond,

I really thought there was a really unique difference about them.

And as I've,

Over the years,

As I've worked with more,

You know,

Non addicts and alcoholics,

I've found that there's really not that much difference.

It's just not the basis for the addiction or a behavior is the same.

The things that people are struggling with,

You know,

Somebody that works a little too much and doesn't have a happy home life,

That person is dealing with the same types of issues that an alcoholic is dealing with.

It's just that it looks different on how it affects their lives.

You know,

Somebody who wants,

It's more obvious when,

When an alcoholic,

You know,

Goes off on a tangent and,

And,

You know,

Kills somebody in a car accident,

You know,

It's that,

That's more obvious and faster acting,

But it doesn't mean that the motivations underneath aren't very similar to somebody who's,

You know,

Who's,

Who's gambling at night or,

You know,

On a regular basis and not telling their spouse and losing some money or,

Or,

You know,

Not even it,

It doesn't have to be that profound.

It's that you're doing something unconscious.

And if you understand that there's an addictive loop to it,

Like there's a need,

It's being fulfilled and you're not fully in control of yourself with that knowledge.

If it's just a minor addiction,

You can break it with that.

You know,

The problem with alcohol and drugs is that there's a physical manifestation of that allergy too,

Of,

Of the addiction.

You know,

You've,

You have that mind obsession that is so powerful and so strong.

And then all of a sudden there's a physical aspect too.

And,

And like an alcohol addiction,

There's that physical aspect that your body is literally craving more alcohol.

So I mean,

It's,

That's why it's so difficult to get out of that,

You know,

An alcoholic is going to have a lot more difficulty breaking out of that pattern,

That addiction than somebody is that's emailing a girl that they dated for two months,

You know,

Once every few months.

I mean,

You know,

It's like night and day.

It's just that the addictive loop is similar,

You know,

So understanding them is very helpful.

All right.

So I think that that was like the first section of this is this is what addiction is,

Right?

Yeah.

And this is how broad it is and that everything,

The underlying theme of addiction is this that you know,

That you're looking for a solution for something else and it's a loop and all of that stuff.

What is the difference now between someone,

Why does one person maybe get addicted to buying things on Amazon and someone else is unfortunately dying of heroin?

I mean,

It could be a lot of reasons that we'll never know,

You know,

But like,

Is it just circumstance?

Is it just,

Is it,

Is it deeper?

Is it the worst the issue,

The harder the addiction?

Like this correlation?

There's kind of,

There's too many moving parts really,

You know,

To,

To,

To narrow it down like that.

The you know,

There is a genetic and or a physical predisposition for certain addictions,

You know,

I mean,

That they've proven that if alcoholism runs in a family,

There's,

There's more of a chance that,

You know,

Somebody else in that family is going to be addicted to alcohol,

Especially because it has a physical component to it like that,

You know,

A matter of enzymes breaking down the alcohol and things.

So,

So I mean,

They've,

There are predispositions to certain things.

Environment plays a big toll.

You know,

What you've been through can,

Can,

You know,

But it's,

You know,

We never know.

There's literally no way of knowing.

There's no way,

No,

There's no way of knowing that like,

Oh,

This person,

You know,

If they don't watch out,

They're going to become addicted to heroin.

And if this person doesn't watch out that,

You know,

They might buy things from Amazon.

Like,

There's no way of knowing where they're going to turn and what's going to click.

You never like,

Anybody could be anything.

All right,

And I mean,

In the,

In the like addiction understanding really expanded tremendously through Alcoholics Anonymous,

You know,

And that's why a lot of,

I mean,

I'm reading a book now,

Power Versus Force that refers to AA in all kinds of ways to explain different societal things and outlooks and stuff,

Because it's a spirit,

The book,

The big book that was written is a spiritual text.

It has very deep understandings of addiction and other issues within it.

So you know,

One of the things that they say is from Yale to jail,

It doesn't discriminate.

That's great.

And it's true.

You know,

You've got people in there that are highly successful and you've got people in there who've never been successful at anything.

Yeah.

You know,

It just,

An addiction does not discriminate.

Deep thought.

Yeah.

I'm thinking if it's too early to move on to my third part question,

Which is no,

Because I think it's the biggest one,

Yeah,

Absolutely the biggest one.

How do you get out?

How do you break the addiction?

I have a 30 second answer that will cure all.

That is,

That would be nice.

You have about 15 minutes.

Solve the world of problems.

Go.

Well,

You know,

The aspects of getting out of the addiction are really looking at the past to understand where you came from and why you are where you are,

Dealing with your present circumstances and creating a new vision for the future,

A new way of thinking and dealing with life for the future.

You know,

That's kind of in a nutshell and that's kind of,

That's what the 12 steps do.

You know,

That's why they're so successful.

The 12 steps have brought millions upon millions of upon millions of people around the world to sobriety.

There is,

I've heard upwards of 80 or sometimes I've heard over a hundred different 12 step groups for different addictions.

That tells me it works.

Like you know,

Like what somebody's not going to take a model of something that doesn't work and create another program off of it.

You know,

That it's just,

We don't do that.

So this,

This doesn't work at all.

Let's create a hundred more programs just like it.

So those can fail as well.

You know,

It doesn't make any sense.

So you know,

The 12 steps work and basically what they do is they,

You know,

It doesn't necessarily work for everyone.

I mean,

I believe everybody's different,

But it works with many people.

And the reason is,

Is because that's what the 12 steps do.

They walk you through that process.

They walk you through looking at your past and understanding why you did,

You're doing what you're doing and how you can,

And it teaches you how you can take responsibility for your future and to start living a different life.

And it also teaches you,

It shows you a different perspective to look at life through,

You know,

As you're going through that.

So that's,

You know,

That's why it works.

And so that from my experience personally and working with others,

That is,

You know,

That's the core of any addiction.

Now with alcohol or drug addiction,

You may need to go through a 12 step program.

Most people do maybe something like,

You know,

Shooting that email to that,

That person every couple months to stay connected.

All you need is awareness.

And you go,

Oh,

That,

Are you kidding me?

I didn't even draw that line.

There's a 12 step program for that.

Oh,

I'm sure there is,

You know,

But,

But it's just that,

You know,

That one is a little bit easier to control.

You,

You know,

Sometimes the awareness of it is enough to just say,

Oh,

I'm not,

I'm not going to do that behavior anymore.

I wasn't aware that that's what I was doing.

Do you think that the majority of people that are suffering from addiction are aware that they are addicted?

That's a,

That's a tough call consciously or unconsciously consciously.

I think most people who are suffering from like really suffering from an addiction,

Um,

You know,

Kind of moderately to severely.

Yeah.

I think there's a part of them that,

That's pretty much aware that there's a problem because if they're able to be honest with themselves,

They'll be that that's part of the addiction processes denial.

You know,

You can't sit there.

It's very difficult to stay an addict if you're sitting there going,

Well,

I'm,

I'm an addict.

I have a problem.

There's another way and I'm choosing not to do it.

That that's very uncomfortable.

Part of being an addict is believing that there's no other way.

You know,

You,

You kinda,

You,

You can't destroy your life with a clear conscience if you know that there's another way.

So you have to deny the fact that there's another way.

And one of the best ways of doing that is denying that there's even a problem in the first place.

Well,

Yeah,

I mean,

Yeah,

Definitely denying that there's a problem for like the old adage,

I can stop anytime I want.

You just don't want to stop.

Right.

And,

And I mean,

You know,

And then they throw the cigarette away and they immediately take another one out of the pack.

You know,

That's how that is portrayed in television and movies and everything.

The denial,

You know,

That's the joke.

Everybody sees the denial and they hold firmly that that they could quit if they wanted to.

They don't want to.

And it feels like it's a solution to,

You know,

Because it is a solution.

So like if you take somebody who's destroying their life with,

And I'll keep using drugs and alcohol because it's the most obvious,

You know,

But it can be in a lesser way and a lot of different things.

Well,

I shouldn't say a lesser way.

You can kill yourself with a lot of different things.

It just takes more years.

So,

So like you can have some somebody that is,

You know,

Drinking that has a problem with alcohol and their life is falling apart.

And then you,

You know,

Somebody comes in and says,

Listen,

Your life's falling apart because you're drinking.

You should really stop.

No,

It's not my drinking life is just not fair to me and it's falling apart.

And,

And,

You know,

My wife's leaving me and they won't see that it's from the alcohol because they feel that the alcohol is the only thing holding them together because it's the only time that they can make the head crazy stop.

It's the only time that they can find a little bit of peace.

So when they're not drinking,

They're a mess.

So they're sitting there and their minds racing and they feel out of control and they feel like they need a drink and,

And nothing's going right and life sucks and all this stuff.

And then they have a few drinks and they feel a little bit better for a little while.

And everybody goes,

You need to stop drinking.

And they're like,

Are you kidding me?

It's the only time I feel good.

Like why would I possibly stop drinking?

You know,

Life is my problem.

And you want me to stop the only thing that makes me,

That gives me the ability to deal with it?

Heck no.

You know,

So that's,

That's their perspective.

You know,

And that's,

That's why a lot of people don't understand it that aren't addicts and alcoholics is they're looking in from the other side going,

You're destroying your life.

Why would you keep doing that?

Well,

It's because you've never been there and you're not looking at it from their perspective.

That's why.

There was a,

I wrote a book recently called,

Uh,

We learned nothing.

And um,

It's a,

It was a collection of essays that this,

Uh,

Satirical cartoonist wrote.

And one of them,

He talked about like the,

Like people that go crazy,

Um,

For,

For things,

Uh,

Like the woman that drove across the country that was in love with the astronaut and wore a diaper.

And his question was,

His question wasn't like,

When,

When things like that happen where we all go like,

How did that happen?

His question was like,

How does that not happen every day?

Yeah.

And uh,

Like that functioning unconsciously so often.

Right.

And um,

So my thought was like,

You,

When I,

When you see like an addict in,

In something that you're like,

That is visible,

That is this person is a drug addict or very clear alcoholic,

Something that we deem way worse than our addictions.

We think,

How does that happen?

But it's like that happens every day to like,

I would say like everybody is addicted to something.

It's probably like most people.

Yeah.

Most people probably,

They have some sort of addictive.

Something about them is addictive.

They're like using something.

Uh,

And,

And just to touch on that a little bit,

Like Michael Bernard Beckwith says to,

To um,

Use your ability to choose,

Use your freedom more often,

You know,

And he's,

He's like,

Just do little things.

Just sleep on the opposite side of the bed as you usually do,

You know,

Take a different way to work,

Do just something,

Not just because it's going to make you more conscious of your behaviors.

You know,

We're so habitual,

We do so many things unconsciously just out of,

Out of habit and pattern that yeah,

There,

There are things in our lives that,

That are detrimental to us that we're not even aware of.

And this is what I'm saying.

I think that if we can become aware of our own addictive traits,

Our own,

You know,

Whatever we do that is,

That is somewhat addictive and somewhat of a solution to a problem that we're looking for,

Then I think that it's easier to realize that and then not judge and to empathize when you see what we deem as worse addictions.

Yeah,

Absolutely.

You know,

And it's,

It's a step towards our own happiness too.

Yeah.

Because,

You know,

This is,

It's,

It's a really foundational stone for,

For our happiness.

It's because we can,

We can look at it and go,

Okay,

I'm going to take control.

Like these things,

They,

They might not be hindering our lives that much to where they're making us miserable.

That's why we don't really notice them.

Yeah.

Because living unconsciously is keeping us away from something that,

That,

That can make us more fulfilled.

So if we,

If we use that consciousness to see it and go,

Okay,

I'm doing that.

And it's actually a little bit detrimental.

The benefits we're going to get from overcoming that is not only for that particular situation,

It's going to open us up and go,

Oh my God,

I have,

It's going to empower us to have more control over what we can change in our lives,

Which is going to give us an uplifting feeling,

Which is going to make us want to do more work on ourselves,

Which is going to give us a more empowered feeling,

Which is going to,

You know,

And then it's just going to feed off of itself.

It's time for the quote of the day.

Yay.

All right.

So this one's obviously about addiction.

A lot of people think that addiction is a choice.

A lot of people think it's a matter of will.

That has not been my experience.

I don't find it to have anything to do with strength.

Matthew Perry.

Yes.

Thank you,

Ben.

Good night.

Obviously Matthew Perry is a Chandler bang.

Yep.

And now Oscar Madison.

Oh,

Really?

Yeah.

I don't want to talk about it.

Well,

Anyway,

Yeah,

That's,

That's a good point because the,

The willpower thing is something that people from the outside often believe and people from the inside often believe,

You know,

Even,

Even an addict will have a tendency to feel like they're weak and,

And that their willpower is,

You know,

Should be able to stop them,

But can't.

And the problem with that mindset is willpower doesn't work on something you give yourself permission to do.

So the problem with,

We'll say an alcoholic,

When he's going to go for a drink,

He's sitting there and he's going,

Okay,

Life is horrible.

This sucks.

Um,

I want to go have a drink,

But I can't because I'm an alcoholic.

So I really shouldn't have a drink.

And then the mind goes,

Yeah,

But you know,

Your life is really screwed up anyway.

So you might as well.

I mean,

You know,

There's no way you're going to make it through this situation and you're blah,

Blah,

Blah.

And then what happens is the mind obsession talks you into agreeing to drink.

So then your willpower is useless because your willpower can't work against something you give yourself permission to do.

So that's why the willpower doesn't work.

I mean,

Alcoholics and addicts,

When they get sober,

They've shown that they're very strong willful people.

I mean,

And you kind of have to be,

If you think about it,

I mean,

To destroy your life with that amount of just fortitude and pushing forward,

You've got to be pretty strong willed.

You're destroying everything around you,

You,

Your family,

I mean,

Everything.

And to keep pushing forward,

You've got to be pretty strong willed.

So it's,

It's willpower doesn't work because it's not a matter of willpower in the addicts head.

They come to the conclusion that turning to their addiction,

May it be food,

Shopping,

Anything is what's necessary to bring them peace,

To deal with the situation,

To make life bearable,

Whatever it is,

That's the solution.

And once their mind agrees and shows them that that's truth and that's what they need to do,

Willpower is out the window because they're no longer trying to prevent themselves from doing it.

They've agreed that this is a good idea and they're going to go do it.

This was a great discussion.

I think personally.

I don't know if I mean,

Like for us at least,

I think that this was a,

Like,

I like that it was,

You know,

We laughed all the way through it,

Which is a hard thing to do when you're talking about the subject and it's,

It was good.

It was like,

You know what I mean?

It's,

It's not as heavy of an episode as you would assume.

But if people need help,

Then it becomes a very serious situation.

And if they do,

Where can they contact you?

They can contact me at life-enhancement-services.

Com or my Facebook page,

Life Enhancement Services,

Or Glen Ambrose with two N's on Facebook.

And yeah,

I do work with all kinds of issues,

Addictions being,

It's one of my specialties.

It's definitely something that I've had a lot of experience with.

So it's right at the top of the specialty list.

Although I like to find common threads in all behavior,

You know,

In all life situations.

But yeah,

So contact me there and I truly believe that it's,

An outside perspective is really important in most things,

In all things really.

We need to learn how to deal with things differently.

And addiction is no,

You know,

No,

It's not excluded from that.

We need to reach outside of ourselves to learn how to be different.

And when,

You know,

When we do that,

Success follows.

So that's it for today.

All right.

And make sure to check out the article in this month's edition of Natural Awakenings magazine,

Rinaturalawakenings.

Com.

And that's actually the June issue.

Yep.

So when this is released,

It won't be?

It'll be June.

It will?

Yeah.

Well,

Maybe it'll be still June.

Okay.

Well,

Anyway,

It's a June edition,

So you guys can figure it out from there.

Thanks for listening and we'll talk to you soon.

This podcast is presented by New Shore Productions,

Executive producers,

Glenn Ambrose,

Benjamin Barber and David DeAngelis.

Reviews

You guys talking about addiction while laughing was hilarious. Thanks for sharing a great conversation.

Great Pod Cast!!!!

Very helpful and enlightening

Just great- thanks a lot!

Wow - thank you. I'll be listening a second time sonce someone I love has an addiction

Well done! The 12 Steps saved my life. I consciously chose everyday to be a recovering addict. It works if you work it.

Some great advice and some great relatable info discussed 🙏🏻Thank you ✨💫🌸❤️