How To Give Yourself Permission

We spend our formative years asking for permission. Yet, as we age, we either naturally take governship of our lives or we default to our permission seeking from others we are closest to, society, and those we interact with. Yet, if we do not create the habit of giving oruself permission, we tend to create imbalance and a lack of personal, emotional, and mental safety. This conversation breaks down permission so that you may bring your highest and greatest intention into fruition.

Transcript

Admittedly,

I use the word permission like I use the words and,

The,

Or you.

Seriously,

I probably use it far too often.

It's a part of my repertoire,

My communication,

Because giving ourselves permission is really one of the most massive hangups that most people don't even realize that they're doing or that it causes them such big issues in their lives.

It's sort of this blind spot that we fail to see until we begin to dig into the root of failure,

Discomfort,

Procrastination,

A negative mindset,

Why we feel stuck,

Or even when we begin to use those nasty,

Completely untrue words,

I am broken.

The action of permission is most often uprooted when we examine how some of our goals and intentions always seem to fall through or how we tend to live life without as many wins as we think we should have.

It's even something that is exposed when we begin to seek and then live within our purpose.

Giving ourselves permission comes in various forms,

Anything from emotional permission,

Spiritual permission,

Belief,

Thought pattern permission,

All of which happen at different stages in our lives.

Giving ourselves permission is one of the most important operations.

Heck,

We'll call it a life skill that we must do for ourselves in order to thrive.

And yet it's one thing that most people struggle to accomplish.

You really need to think of permission as the starter fluid to any fire.

It's how we start to shift our perspective and our mindset.

It all comes back to permission.

If you're saying,

But Danielle,

I actually give myself permission to show up,

To live,

To do all the things.

I'm going to say,

Hang on,

Because that may not actually be the truth.

I want you to understand that permission is involved in everything that we do.

It's the baseline of healing.

It's the foundation of success and creating change in our life.

It's the acknowledgement of ourselves.

So self-care,

It's taking care of ourselves in all ways,

Right?

So emotionally,

Spiritually,

Physically,

And mentally.

It's even how we ask for help,

Allowing ourselves to do so.

It's even an understanding,

A willingness,

Acceptance that in order to create more in our lives,

We have to allow ourselves to do so.

How many times have you held yourself back?

Right?

Permission.

It's the foundation and the fundamental element needed for play,

Relaxation,

Laughter,

Happiness,

Joy,

Giving that sense of groundedness.

You always hear me or others talk about.

In essence,

Permission is literally everything.

And again,

It's that one thing that many just simply fall short of putting into action,

Knowing this and knowing that there's going to be great movement,

Great thought patterns,

More conversations about creating goals,

Creating intentions and resolutions for the next 12 months.

It's really important that we deep dive into permission because again,

If we don't have permission,

We tend to really fail.

So let's deep dive into what permission really is,

What it means,

Why we struggle to give it to ourselves,

The steps needed to allow self permission,

That self guidance and leadership that I'm always asking you to step forward to and really own and how we can begin to apply permission into our intentions.

Again,

This is two parts.

This week,

We're really taking on that first step.

We could spend hours digging into all the forms of permission.

But regardless of if or where you struggle with giving yourself permission,

What follows are the exact steps that you can apply,

Regardless of what you're working towards.

So whether that's emotional permission or action based permission,

It doesn't really matter what form you're looking at,

The steps to really permissioned freedom are going to be the same.

As always,

Let's start off with an eye opening truth.

When you actually give yourself true,

Validating permission in a conscious,

Mindful way,

The floodgates of everything you want suddenly opens.

I know that that sounds like a massive promise,

Right?

Perhaps even one that I can't make good on.

But it's the truth.

You actually already have evidence of this truth in your life.

You really have had those experiences.

So I really want you to think about it,

That thing that you've ruminated over for what seemed like forever.

And then you finally gave yourself permission to move forward.

And what happened?

Didn't that one thing,

That thing you were afraid of that thing that you kept wondering if it would work and you sought permission and you you really had to move into a space where it was do or die and you did it.

What happened?

Did it open up other amazing opportunities for you,

Whether it was financial or emotional or physical in your career,

It doesn't matter,

You name it.

That is the power of permission,

Right?

When you've stepped forward,

You've done the thing and you've created something for yourself in that moment.

And maybe you're saying,

But yeah,

I've done that,

But I'm not quite sure how I did it.

Let me just tell you,

It's my job to show you how to do it again.

So that's what we're going to work towards.

In order to do that,

We really need a solid definition of permission.

You know that I love to give you definitions,

But it really is so that we can all be in the same mindset.

We can be working from the same foundation.

So our definition of permission is the right or ability to do something that is given by someone who has the power to decide if it will be allowed or permitted.

That's a big definition.

There are a few key words and phrases within this definition that I really want us to break down.

So the first word is given,

Given meaning something that is provided,

Taken on,

Imparted,

Or owned,

Right?

So given,

The word really has two meanings given from an outside influence or given by ourselves.

So keep that in mind.

The next phrase or words are quote,

Given by someone who has the power to decide.

We're going to deep dive into that in just a moment,

But for now,

Let's remember that our lives can only be productively lived through our personal choices and actions.

This is super important to not only witness,

But accept because once we dive into permission,

You're going to soon see why we struggle to get ourselves out of this holding pattern and into permission in the first place.

We can even take this definition a step further and boil everything down into three very simple words,

Which they are truly the absolute foundation of permission.

And those words are allowing,

Consent,

And approval.

We're going to weave these words into our conversation and how they impact our choices.

So keep your ears open for these three powerful permission foundations,

And even write them down as guides for yourself.

As you begin to think about how you allow or disallow certain permissions within your life.

But for now,

Let me paint you a picture of where permission actually begins.

Let's think back to our childhood,

Right?

From an early time,

As early as infancy,

You began to hear the words yes and no,

Which both equate to permission.

Actions were also taken around affirming your behavior or discouraging your behavior from the moment you found your way onto this planet.

Our parents and caregivers wanted us to sleep and eat.

So that was a yes.

We were affirmed in our permission by our sleep routines,

The cuddles,

And perhaps even the softness in which we were rocked.

They didn't want us to unnecessarily cry.

So that was a no.

As we grew and began to develop in our language skills,

We began to ask permission for our most basic human needs.

We needed those met.

So it sounded like,

May I have a drink?

Can I use the restroom?

May I have a snack?

You know,

All of these basic human needs that surrounded permission from someone else who had the power to decide if we could or could not have those needs met at the time that we asked.

Remember our definition of permission?

Now,

Don't get me wrong.

Permission in this sense does help us learn our environment.

And of course,

It allows us to help develop boundaries in our behavior.

It's really what occurs as we grow that often shifts our foundation of inner power and permission into a lifetime of seeking permission from others.

You see,

As we grow,

Our permission seeking becomes habitual.

We ask for permission to play.

We develop a sense of right or wrong around what we're allowed to do,

Right?

Given consent to do.

We begin to formulate thinking patterns around what permission is.

And while we're coming to this understanding,

We're also really understanding where approval is granted and what that really means.

So when permission is withheld,

Many of us made the leap that the actions that we were seeking to do were not worthy of our time or our experience,

Because someone did not allow,

Give us consent or approval to do them.

You're starting to see how big this is,

Aren't you?

This permission seeking happened in numerous areas in our life.

And honestly,

For many,

It still does,

Because I want you to think about it.

Permission started in our home environment,

But it did not stop there.

In fact,

It still is active in everything that we do as adults.

But we began to really see that permission seeking in our school environment too.

And our church,

Our clubs,

Our extracurricular activities,

Community,

Especially entrenched in our families.

And of course,

With our elders,

You name it,

If you think about it,

When you were younger or moving into your teen years,

You spent an awful lot of time seeking permission to do as you desired.

This permission even arced into our emotional well-being with our friends and our earliest romantic relationships.

We must feel and act one way to be accepted,

Right?

For young men,

It wasn't safe to show big emotions in public,

Sometimes not even in the home.

For girls,

Being overly emotional is annoying and unnecessary.

You need to stop crying.

Why are you so emotional?

Sound familiar?

When we hear these words,

We think to ourselves,

Oh,

They're probably right.

In fact,

I don't need to be emotional.

And we shut off the permission to understand our emotions.

In our families,

If we lived in an environment where our parents were emotionally intelligent,

We were often given permission to feel,

Express ourselves as needed and desired.

We had more self-governorship than most people do.

We were able to express our needs and our desires.

But if we grew up with people who were not comfortable with themselves or their emotions,

These permissions are strictly off the table,

At least generally.

And our emotional intelligence is not only squashed,

It can even be deemed as,

Quote,

Ridiculous if you try to engage emotionally.

It really is a massive determiner of how we show up.

For many,

If we didn't ask permission for our physical actions and we decided how and what we would let into our experiences based on our soul discretion,

That often meant there were consequences deepening the thought that our choices are not ever entirely ours.

If you pushed against the system,

Right,

This line of thinking,

This permission seeking,

And you really stood your ground and tried to find your own way through life,

Especially in your teen years,

You may have been labeled as a bad kid,

Right?

A rule breaker,

The black sheep of the family,

Unruly,

Quote,

Unconforming.

These labels then have a powerful way of setting a standard in one's life that says you never have permission,

So you might as well stand on the outside of the family unit because nothing that you do is ever going to be acceptable.

What happens then to our self-worth?

It tanks.

Our self-love is then affected,

Our self-leadership,

Self-trust,

All of these things really begin in the form of permission.

The height of our permission seeking often comes as we move into early adulthood,

Right,

Into this time where we're plotting our lives,

Formulating our careers,

Thinking about the things that we want to contribute into the world.

We're seeking purpose,

And it's during that time that we begin to think about,

You know,

Are we going to go to trade school?

Are we going to university?

Are we going to follow this passion career that would best really serve us,

Whether that's going to culinary school or following the dream that doesn't fit necessarily in that perfect,

Beautiful box of someone else,

That is,

Right?

You know,

Many find themselves confronted with the opinions,

The rules,

And permissions as their families lay down what they should or can and cannot do with their own lives and how they are to really navigate their experiences once they're outside of the home.

You know,

That really sounds like artists and writers don't make much money,

So you should go to law school instead.

You know,

Don't be a baker,

Be a doctor.

You're too smart to be a fashion designer,

Work on Wall Street.

You know,

I don't know why you're going to school.

You're never going to actually do well there,

So why don't you think about something else that may best serve you?

Or acting will be too tough to support yourself.

Why don't you teach instead?

It's these options that are given to us in place of our true desires.

It's trying to find permission while seeking and putting your true desires off to the side.

Now,

Granted,

While those that are offering these permissions,

Right,

Or these other options may really have good intentions,

There's something that happens in the mind,

And it is this developed belief that since you do not have permission because you've been taught to ask for so long,

That your desires are not good enough,

Right?

That my dreams are too small to thrive,

That I can't actually support myself based on the lack of permission.

Our minds really begin to create this story that says,

I need help formulating a life plan that will suit everyone's collective desire.

Are you shaking your head yet?

I bet you've experienced some of this at some level in some form because,

You know,

As we begin to really witness how the pattern of permission is developed over a lifetime,

Many people begin to have an aha moment on their own.

But if you're not there yet,

I'm going to hand you over the second big truth for the day.

You really have in all literal sense and forms of this word,

Of this definition,

Of this action,

You've literally spent a major part of your life seeking permission from others to not only take care of yourself,

To do as you wish and desire,

To have validation and to offer yourself consent to follow your inner voice,

Your inner guidance system,

That compass,

And your intuition.

You've been trained into habitually asking others for their opinions,

Thoughts,

And permission.

This habit is so deeply ingrained into your subconscious thinking,

And it's been there from the very beginning stages of your life.

That's the big truth.

We really have been taught this behavior.

For some,

That instantly explains their people-pleasing patterns,

And they're able to quickly shake loose of these behaviors by simply witnessing that they have the power to make their own choices and decisions without external validation.

It's like their minds immediately see the pattern and they're like,

Ah,

I'm going to break that.

I don't need this anymore.

And they just literally let it go.

They realize that the pattern that has been set forth to them was not really their responsibility for making it,

But it is their responsibility for keeping the pattern active.

For others,

They say,

Wow,

But how does this impact me now?

How does this continual permission-seeking of others show up?

Because I'm completely in charge of my life.

I'm powerful.

I know what I'm doing.

I'm empowered in my job,

My family,

My career.

I don't know that I'm actually doing this.

And I say,

Oh,

My friend,

It shows up in so many ways.

And witnessing that we have the power to own our choices and actually doing so are two very different operations,

Right?

Two very different processes.

If you've heard me speak about our thought process before,

Then you know that I am constantly reminding you that the more you practice a thought or a behavior,

The more ingrained it becomes.

Our thoughts become things.

Our behaviors become repetitive habits.

This permission-seeking becomes so ingrained into our subconscious that it can shape our self-belief,

Our self-trust,

Our self-leadership.

It can impact our self-love if we are constantly told that our decisions aren't worthy of a yes.

At the same time,

It can incredibly impact our ability to doubt ourselves,

Right?

It can be to the point that we habitually seek others' opinions before we take even the smallest action because we've created such doubt because of the permission of others.

That sounds like,

What do you think about this plan?

Or let me run something by you.

Or I'm not sure about this.

What would you do?

We've all asked those questions,

Haven't we?

The truth is,

It's rare for someone to come to us and say,

Okay,

I know that I have taught you to ask permission at all times for like literally everything,

But now it's time for you to shift out of that habit and into a space where making your own decisions without the opinions,

Permissions,

Or validations from me or anyone else is no longer necessary,

Right?

No one comes to us and says that.

And yet,

We don't know when to turn off that switch.

Granted,

For some,

We don't need this conversation,

Right?

It's innate.

We know that we have the power to make our own choices.

We can do the things that work for us regardless of what others may say.

As we move into adulthood,

We stop seeking permission.

We stop looking to please those who have provided the permission to us to begin with,

Right?

And for others,

They find themselves stumbling through life,

Trying to figure out why they're constantly worried about what others may think if they really strike out and take action on their own.

They may even hold themselves in place because they aren't comfortable making decisions.

And when it comes to setting goals and intentions,

They have these big ideas,

But really failed to thrive in the doing because they're too busy refusing to give permission to themselves.

Until we make the mental switch and know that we no longer need to engage in the habit of asking for permission to show up as we wish,

As we choose,

How we best see fit,

We're going to continue to fall short.

We ultimately fail to thrive in one area or many.

We become caught in what we want versus what we think we can or should do versus what we feel that we have the ability to move into action.

Think about it this way.

How many times have you built a plan?

Say you're excited about a new project.

You begin to gather all of the information,

You align the details,

And as you're thinking about your actions,

You begin to ruminate or waffle on the details.

You know,

The how,

Even the why.

And when this happens,

What do we do?

Right?

That's the big question.

When we begin to ruminate,

When we waffle,

What happens?

So maybe it's a call to a friend or a mentor.

Maybe it's even an SOS text to your spouse that while it may not be worded in this manner,

The essential arc of the message is this.

Talk me into my plan.

Give me validation that says I'm doing the right thing.

Tell me that my choices are acceptable and that I have your approval.

What happens when what you are seeking isn't provided for you?

One of two things generally happens and you've seen it happen in your own life.

But let me remind you.

So the first is you usually go to your next in line,

Right?

So the next person or friend that you believe will back up your desire,

Give you all the good information,

Give you all the good support and say,

You've got this,

Right?

Just do it.

Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

Just do it.

And therefore giving you permission to move forward.

Or the second thing that occurs is that you take the first person's opinion as a no,

No permission.

You do not have acceptance or consent to move forward.

And therefore you put the plan and yourself on the sideline.

This is especially true if the person that is your first go to is in an elevated position in your life.

So that would be a spouse,

A best friend,

A sibling,

Your boss,

Right?

Someone who you are used to seeking approval from.

We seek others opinions as a way to validate our self permission.

So if someone doesn't agree,

That may run against our self permission,

And then we hold ourselves in a pattern.

Remember the add on to our permission definition,

Those words were allowing consent and approval.

This is so big,

Right?

Because we've been moving through our lives,

Allowing others to confirm our choices,

Give us consent when we are not certain and ultimately make approvals on things that matter to us most.

Witness that statement fully,

Right?

Like if you take nothing else away from this time together,

Let it be this moment.

Because if you do not care deeply about something,

You are not going to seek permission or the opinions of someone else.

It's when the stakes are high,

When you're about to engage in something that will alter or change a part of your life,

When what you have to do is really sort of monumental in your mind.

There's an emotional attachment,

There's a physical,

A mental,

A spiritual attachment.

It's here,

It's in these moments that we seek the greatest amount of permission.

Can you imagine that you have really handed over moments that meant the most to you based on someone else's approval?

It's in the big things that this matters.

It's in the goals,

The intention,

Those lofty resolutions that really have the power not to shape only this moment,

But a lifetime.

As I explain permission patterns to women in private session,

They really begin to shake their heads.

Some have even cried,

Mostly in frustration over how many times they have spent seeking others to tell them those words that I said before.

You've got this,

You can do this,

Make a choice.

No one can live this life but you.

But those are seriously filler words until you realize that you've been conditioned to ask.

This understanding just hits differently when you understand the permission part.

I've had other women say,

Quote,

Damn.

Others have made the leap between their eating habits and how they were not allowed to leave the table and to their plates were clean,

And how they have spent years overeating because of this permission pattern.

If you don't eat everything on your plate,

You're not leaving the table.

It's a hard no.

Others have found themselves standing in awe of eating disorders because approval was given when good food choices were made and their weight was within an acceptable range.

Some have found themselves shaking their heads because they have stayed in unfulfilling careers because what they truly desired isn't or wasn't in the vision plan that their parents,

Family,

Or even spouses had for them.

The level of frustration for some women have felt so astronomical that some have even found themselves feeling shame and guilt over handing over their biggest decisions.

After I've reminded them,

As I will remind you now,

That no matter how long this pattern has been active,

No matter to what degree you have always been able to harness your power,

You can harness the power of choice at any time.

And when I say that,

That generally comes back with a question that is worded pretty much the same.

And that question is,

But if this behavior is so entrenched and so ingrained in us,

Is it even possible to give ourselves permission to do what we want?

And the answer is,

Of course,

Because you already do this on some level.

With that understanding,

The next natural question is,

Then how?

How can we harness our power of choice?

How can we give ourselves permission?

And I have to go back to the very first add-on of our definition of permission,

And that was allowing.

The first step in understanding that we have the power to give ourselves permission to do anything that we want,

To create any goal,

To create any happening,

To be free of external validation,

Is to simply allow.

When you allow yourself to own the fact that you do have the power to make your decisions,

Minus the opinion or approval of others,

You begin to step into your power.

And then you realize that you are the power pointer of your life.

You're the driver of your life.

You are the one who is directing everything and anything.

That you can create whatever you desire,

Big or small,

And that those choices do not have to be validated by someone else.

Really,

When we allow,

We begin to understand our simple definition of validation.

What does that mean to you?

I can give you a definition,

But really,

It's important that you formulate your own.

So what do you need in order to validate your own approval,

Validate your own allowing?

When I say,

Okay,

You have to begin to allow,

Everyone tends to say,

That seems impossible.

But then I have to ask this next question.

And that question is,

How do we formulate our opinions?

Are you stuck?

Let me give you the answer.

Our opinions are formulated through our beliefs.

They're through our experiences,

Through the thought patterns that we've practiced repeatedly.

It's how permission gets in there in the first place.

You see,

It's how we've agreed with right or wrong.

It's those things that we believe and that we've created based on our experiences and the permissions that we believe work for us.

Those are our opinions.

So are you sure that you want someone else's rules,

Their standards to be how you show up in your life?

Now,

That's easier said than done,

Right?

So if you find yourself caught in that approval cycle,

Even after this understanding has hit you,

And that you can see how,

How massive it has been as a movement in your life,

You can begin to question yourself.

So it's important to stop and just say,

Okay,

Let's break this down.

The first question you need to ask yourself is,

Who am I making this decision or choice for?

Is it for me and solely for me,

Or is it for others?

That's a very important question to ask yourself.

The next question is,

Am I seeking approval because I'm not allowing myself to validate my own choices?

This question is why you need a definition of validation.

And once you have that,

Once you know the answer,

The definition of validation,

You can begin to deep dive into deeper questions.

So the next one is,

What action am I being called to take that makes me fear not receiving consent or approval from others?

Right?

So who's holding me back?

What is holding me back?

What is the why?

If you have listened to the heal and get out of your own damn way episode,

I ask you to listen to your inner conversation and ask yourself,

Whose voice is speaking?

This is a tremendous exercise that can be used when you're seeking permission to write.

So as you listen to the inner conversation,

Ask yourself,

Who's speaking?

Is this voice of validation or the lack of it my voice?

Or is the voice really someone else offering their beliefs,

Standards,

Opinions,

Their permissions?

Am I hearing mom?

Am I hearing dad?

My brother?

My sister?

My teacher?

My aunt?

Doesn't matter who it is.

But who am I hearing?

Because if it's not your permission,

Then can't you let it go?

The next follow up question to that is,

Who is holding me back?

Right?

It's that same question again,

Whose voice who's holding me back?

The second to last question would be,

Is the approval I'm seeking or the opinion of someone else going to impact my life in the same way that me taking action or trusting myself would have?

That is a big,

Huge question.

One that many people fail to ask themselves.

One that is so necessary to ask when we're looking for validation and self permission.

The last question is,

What is it that I fear about taking this path without the approval of others?

I often hear,

Well,

I'm not sure what they'll do.

I'm not sure what they'll say,

Especially if it is oriented around sexual preference,

Or if we're talking about leaving a marriage or even a massive job change.

We fear repercussions.

And again,

Remember that comes back to the action of permission itself.

We were taught if you do this,

There are consequences.

It's all about permission.

So ask yourself,

What is it that I fear about taking this path without the approval of others?

Once you know the answer,

I want you to play a little game with yourself.

So formulate a plan,

Act as if you've already given yourself permission,

Given yourself validation and the ability to move into action mentally,

Or even do it on paper,

Right?

So walk through whatever it is you must do to bring your idea,

Your goal,

Your intention into fruition.

What would you need to do to give yourself consent to move forward?

What would you need to do to allow?

This is the first step of permission again,

Right?

To feel ready to do it,

To be confident,

To be prepared,

To do whatever is necessary to best serve yourself,

To help you take full ownership.

Really put this plan into mental action so that you know where the hang up might be,

You know,

What is it that may catch you along the way?

Are there certain behaviors or pieces of this plan that you really feel that the judgment might be there?

Or that you know that you are going to really kind of hit up against it and start beginning to wonder and ask for permission.

So act as if.

When you know what it would take,

When you are ready to move into action is when we truly shift into consent and approval.

Remember the other two pieces of our definition.

With consent,

We need ownership.

With ownership comes approval.

So how do we create consent?

You must witness that you are the only expert of you,

Right?

Even those that you have sought permission from are not experts in all of you.

There are pieces of you that you do not share with others.

Even in the most intimate relationships,

There are thoughts and feelings that you just simply do not utter.

There are things that no one else knows.

So it must be true that you are the only expert of you.

With this understanding,

You have to be willing to give yourself consent to make decisions based on that expertise.

You're the only one who knows.

Others can only know what you allow them to know and what they think or believe based on their perceptions and their perspectives.

In the end,

You are the only one responsible for your actions.

While you may have been taught pattern thinking,

You do have the right and the responsibility to decide how you will think,

Feel,

And show up.

How you will allow yourself,

Give yourself permission,

Consent to move yourself into action.

Your life,

Your energy,

Your path,

Your happiness,

It all comes back to one person and one source of permission,

And that is you.

Remember how I said in the beginning that once you have this understanding that you ultimately open the door to everything,

This is it.

When you allow,

When you give yourself consent,

Is when your life begins to live in a state of ultimate approval.

Where does that approval come from?

It's from within.

Isn't it interesting how our habit can take root and be active in far grander ways than we can even realize or recognize until someone really puts it in our face and say,

Hey,

How come your goals and intentions continue to not come to fruition?

Why is it that you set out these lofty plans and then you fail to achieve?

What is going on?

The answer generally comes back to what if,

Or I don't know,

I can't imagine if.

I need someone's approval.

I need permission.

So how do we shift out of this habit?

Beyond witnessing,

Beyond questioning,

Beyond acting as if,

How do we ultimately give ourselves permission?

The first shift that we have to take is to stay in the power of I.

That sounds like I want,

I need,

I am,

I will.

It does not sound like I think I might,

Maybe I should,

Let me confirm with you,

No.

It's not instead it's firm,

Powerful I statements.

Why is this important?

It's because it's the beginning of self-permission,

Self-leadership,

And self-trust.

It's I,

It's knowing that I have the power to create and do.

It's that I can do what I need.

I validates,

I affirms,

I gives consent to step up and own your own path.

From there,

We make a shift to give ourselves all the yeses that we're seeking.

Whatever it is that you're thinking about,

Whatever it is you're formulating,

Step outside of it.

Look at it from,

As my husband likes to say,

30,

000 feet with no attachment.

Right?

That's such a beautiful way to look at anything.

It removes the I for just a moment,

But what happens is it gives you another vantage point.

So if needed,

Act as if someone has brought you this situation,

Right?

They're seeking advice,

Permission,

Validation.

They hand over this experience and they're looking for you to give their honest opinion.

So give your honest opinion,

Right?

Give yourself the skillset,

The offerings and the honesty,

And really the compassion that you would give to a friend if it was brought to you.

30,

000 feet,

No attachment.

When you know what advice you would give,

Go back to I.

Make it personal.

This is so important.

This allows you to offer yourself the yes,

And while you do that,

You offer yourself the biggest dose of self-love that anyone can offer because it affirms that I love myself enough to stand up and do what is important to me.

The next step is to remove the idea of how.

How is where most people begin to get nervous.

This is where we begin to seek the rules,

The opinions,

And the behaviors.

In the second part of this two-part series,

I'm going to hand over the exact how to make any desire or plan come into full fruition.

So for now,

Just remove the how.

Remove the should of how it should be or how this is going to shake down or come to be.

Let go of that all and just really work on the permission part so that you can forge the first steps in the path.

If you need help on how to get that started,

Here's a few sentences that you can use to really allow you to forge those first steps.

Those sentences are,

I may not know how this will go,

But I do know that I have the power to create it.

I may not know how this will turn out,

But I'm so excited to be inside this experience and watch it unfold around me and within me.

I may not know how things should look to others,

But I know that I'm willing to act on what is right for me.

These are powerful statements of yes.

Be a yes for everything that comes into your desires as long as it is healthy mentally,

Physically,

Emotionally,

And spiritually.

After you've done this,

Look for the evidence to confirm your yes.

This is seeking tangible experiences where you've allowed yourself to chase a desire,

Right?

Maybe even some of those lower things that weren't as important where you didn't question.

But here you have an opportunity to really see that you've allowed yourself to move forward before.

You've allowed yourself to give yourself permission.

Look at how those things unfolded in your favor.

How did it play out?

What skill set did you use that allowed you to move forward in that experience?

What was the motivation that kept you going?

Gather all of those pieces.

Really put them on paper.

Have them as your personal cheat sheet.

You may need them as we take on those bigger tasks,

On those things that we really do seek permission.

And when you already have this within your reach,

It eliminates the need to send those SOS texts.

It takes away the desire to call someone and ask for their permission.

This becomes motivation and evidence that allows you to continue on your path.

Remember,

While you're doing all these things,

You must also engage with your feelings and your thought process in a deeper manner.

Doing these things,

Giving yourself permission,

Accepting,

Giving consent,

They can feel uncomfortable.

It's like cheating the system,

Doing things that others may feel wrong for you.

And yet you feel like you still need permission for it's going to get uncomfortable.

So engage with your feelings.

How are you feeling?

What are you feeling?

What are your thoughts?

Be aware,

Listen to that inner conversation and make sure you clean them up so that you can bring yourself back into balance and make the best choices for you.

If all else fails,

Or you simply need a physical reminder,

Write yourself a permission slip.

It doesn't have to be fancy.

It can even just be on your phone.

It doesn't matter whatever works for you.

It can say something as simple as I give myself permission to chase my dreams and serve others while teaching them to live their best lives,

Right?

Because that would be my big dream.

Whatever it is for you,

Write yourself a permission slip.

You must create a space for your own approval,

Internally and externally.

It's important to give yourself the ability to own a new habit,

To engage in a new way,

To create your own personal set of permissions.

It's essential for fulfillment.

It's essential for goal creation.

It's why we fail to thrive.

It is essential for full life ownership.

But when you know that you deserve to make your own choices,

To do what is best for you,

That is when you find your personal power.

It's here that you decide that you can be your own yes maker.

If you want a life that you can create a life revolution based on your desires,

This is an essential step to getting there.

Permission,

Accepting yourself,

Your desires,

Dreams,

Emotions,

Thoughts,

Self mastery.

What does it all come back to?

It comes back to you.

It comes back to you giving yourself consent to move into your life unrestricted,

More focused,

And having yourself set towards a target that works for no one but you.

Because when you live your life like this,

When you give yourself this kind of radical approval,

What happens is the sidelines of your life,

The people that have been seeking and giving you permission for so long,

Begin to clap.

They see you.

They see ownership.

They see your intentions,

And they begin to approve in a whole new way.

If you still need someone to say,

You've got this,

Look in the mirror.

It's time.

It's time for you to tell yourself what you need to hear.

Remember those famous questions I ask ad nauseum.

What do I want?

What do I need?

How am I going to get there?

What are the basis of all those questions?

What are the basis to all of those answers?

Permission.

Choice.

It's why I ask them every single time,

What are you going to allow yourself to do?

Don't you think that you deserve to allow yourself to thrive in all ways,

Regardless of how long you've been asking for others to validate you?

I know you do.

Now it's time for you to give yourself permission to do just that.

And it's an essential step to getting your life together.

Next week,

We'll move our self-permission into the how of making our greatest intentions and goals work for us,

Not only in a new year,

But for the rest of our lives.

Thank you for taking the time to listen to this episode,

Which originally aired on the Get Your Life Together Girl podcast.

Please take the time to review this conversation and follow me here on Insight Timer for more courses,

Meditations,

And additional conversations.

Until next time,

Be kind to yourself and others.