Building Connection With Your Inner Being

One of the hardest things to teach is self-connection—yet, connecting with yourself is the only way to create a sense of belonging and empowerment, and it’s the only way to find authenticity. With that much riding on inner connection, we have to build an inner relationship that starts somewhere, and that somewhere is within you. This mindset reset was inspired by the question: What if you do not feel like you are connected with yourself? This conversation guides you through ways to start building that connection.

Transcript

One of the hardest things to teach is self-connection,

Yet connecting with yourself is the only way to create a sense of belonging and empowerment,

And it is the only way that we find authenticity in our lives.

With that much riding on our inner connection,

We have to build an inner relationship that starts somewhere,

Right?

And that somewhere is right inside of you.

Jillian from Bar Harbor,

Maine wrote in and said,

Danielle,

I read a quote the other day that said,

If you don't feel like you have a place in the world,

Connect with your inner self.

End quote.

That's a fine statement and all,

But what if you don't feel like you're connected with yourself either?

Sometimes I feel as if I have been asleep my entire life.

As I do more work on healing and growing,

As I listen to you suggest,

I feel as though I need a few more tools to connect with who I am.

It really does feel like I've been asleep.

What would you suggest?

The words,

Sometimes I feel as if I've been asleep my entire life,

Are extremely powerful words.

There are words that I have heard in numerous alliterations of that sentence.

You know,

That asleep feeling often makes us believe that we are nothing more than our fears,

Our shortcomings,

And our insecurities.

We begin to lie to ourselves and believe that the programming and lessons that we've been told throughout our lives are the way that we should be.

Should being the big word there.

And when that bumps up against everything that we feel inside,

We do get that disconnection.

It feels as though we are living with a mask on and life is one big play that we didn't sign up to do.

Right?

So when we wake up and we connect with ourselves,

We say hello to the genuine person inside of us.

The soul.

You know,

Whatever you want to call it.

It's finding this connectivity with our inner power.

The real you.

The inner awareness.

Being.

Again,

Whatever it is that you define it as is peace.

It's freedom.

It's uncomplicated.

It's here that we begin to live a conscious,

Aware life.

And even if you feel like you have been asleep for years,

Like Julian said,

For the first time when you start to wake up,

You begin to really realize that your thought patterns are not what you should be listening to.

Because they're just old conversations that are being rehashed and used against yourself.

You know,

If you find yourself saying a lot of the times,

I'm too old,

Or I don't know enough,

Or I'm not this,

Or I'm not that,

You really begin to narrow and analyze everything down to this granule level.

There can be no true essence within that because there's no true thought.

It's just this recycled place.

So back to Julian's question,

Are there tools to help connect with yourself?

And yes,

Of course there are.

So let's walk through them because they're actually a little different than tools.

I'm going to be asking you a lot of questions and letting you know what you're trying to extract from that.

But this is really the baseline work.

I'm going to sound like a broken record,

But hear me out.

Everything that we do is about connection.

It is.

Whether we are showing up for ourselves or someone else,

It comes down to connection.

So if you want to really connect with your authentic self,

You must give yourself time to get to know yourself.

That means you must be willing to shut down the outside world and listen to what's happening within you.

It's time to sit and breathe.

It's time to exist without expectation.

It's listening to your voice and your heartbeat.

For some of you,

That may be best to do right before bed.

You know,

Lie down,

Focus on your breath,

And let the thoughts come in and out,

Bringing you into a sense of tranquility.

To know yourself is to be with yourself,

Just like you would any other relationship.

How would you get to know someone if you're not spending time with them?

You have to do the same for yourself.

How do we do that?

Well,

As I said,

The hardest part of self-connection is the self part.

This isn't something that I can answer for you.

It's something that you must practice and do on your own.

You know,

What are the practices that are going to help you get into that deeper level for yourself?

For me,

It's yoga or running or meditation or I love a dry sauna,

Right?

Or just being alone in my car.

So think about what works for you.

Don't overcomplicate it.

Just be willing to sit,

Hear your inner thoughts,

Be with yourself without noise or hesitation or frustration.

Just be.

What I'm about to say next is self-explanatory,

But many don't realize that the disconnection from ourselves is extremely normal when we live with tons of toxicity and distraction in our lives.

So a self-connection tool would be like,

Hmm,

How do I want to get rid of this toxicity?

Between social media and hard relationships,

Expectations,

Black-and-white thinking,

So this or that and no in-between,

Our lives are filled with things that work against us.

And little by little,

We can sink into those things that ruin our inner peace and balance.

To connect inward,

You must be able and willing to adjust outwardly too.

So pay attention to the things,

The people,

The thoughts,

The emotions,

Even the financial experiences that make you feel like you're struggling.

You know,

That make you feel like you're just existing.

And pay attention to the things that actually bring a sense of nuance or joy or excitement into your life.

When you start to realize that the outside impacts the inside and the inside impacts the outside,

We can begin to take stock on what's working for us and what's not.

What is not is often the source of toxicity or at the very least it's a source of the draining energy.

It's draining your desires to get down to the essential part of you that can bloom into your power and grow within your energy.

So the question comes down to what's working and what's not.

The next thing to start looking towards or the tool that you can use to connect with yourself is really look at your desire to constantly seek outside validation.

Putting others opinions above your own will always create a feeling of wearing a mask.

So how can you stop looking for outside opinions?

When you have this inner thought or this desire to seek validation from someone else,

I want you to stop and guide your own choices.

So how can we do that?

Grab a piece of paper and I want you to write down just the facts of the situation and when you have them down I want you to write out all of the scenarios that you're struggling with and offer an opinion as if you are an outside party meaning be objective.

Don't connect the emotion to the thought,

Instead just the facts.

This simple exercise lets us gain perspective and connect with your most inner intention.

An intention is everything and it's an excellent base to get to know your inner desires which of course means connectivity.

The next connectivity focus is for you to start living in your originality.

There's only one you.

Somewhere along the way most of us are told to not be the fullest expression of ourselves and so we begin to shield or hide or minimize who we are and that dulls our inner connection.

If we can't live in our fullest expression of our originality,

We can't actually feel connected to the self.

The mind has a very powerful way of being mechanical if we let it.

Your originality can only come when you are living the fullest expression of who you are,

Not who someone else wants you to be.

How can you connect in this way with yourself?

Ask yourself this very powerful question.

It's one that may take a lot of brain power and that's okay.

Really think it over and the question is,

Who am I?

If it feels impossible to answer then ask,

Who am I for and to others?

Do your friends come to you to help them solve problems?

Do your friends call you when they need someone to organize a plan really quickly?

Do they call you in the depths of their sorrow because they know that you will be there to connect with them?

Whatever you come up with,

These are pieces of your identity.

The pieces that make you unique.

They are the natural expression that we show to others without feeling like we have to mask them and that is your true inner self.

That is who you are.

Give yourself time to explore that because that will lead you back inside.

Very powerful.

The next piece of all of this comes down to choice.

One of my favorite quotes is by Buddha and it is,

Happiness is a choice not a result.

When we engage in things that fill us up,

Make us smile,

Make us laugh,

That is the best therapy there is.

Feeling alive is pure connectivity.

Happiness is a choice.

When the women I work with struggle with this idea or this concept of choice,

I will often change the word to obligation because it feels more serious and it creates a sense of priority that you know is necessary especially if you're someone who has been disconnected for a long time or you're someone who lives on high alert because of trauma.

Regardless of the word that you select,

Happiness is an individual responsibility.

It's the best way to know what you love within your life.

When was the last time you asked,

Am I happy?

What makes me happy?

What am I choosing every day that fans the spark within me?

Again,

Happiness is not the result,

It is the choice of our actions.

While there's so many different ways that we can reconnect with ourselves or find it for the very first time,

Whether that is meditation or journaling or therapy or you know any of these big modalities that actually do help move us,

This is the baseline.

This is the basic work that has to be done in order to really deeply connect.

If you want to go a bit further though,

I want you to sit with yourself.

Grab a piece of paper and answer these questions.

These are powerful questions that help guide us back home,

Back to that center.

And those questions are,

What impact would I like to make on the world?

And you can think globally if you want,

But I also want you to think about your own private world,

Inner and outer with the people that are already existing.

What impact do you want to make?

What do I feel led to do each day that I have the privilege of waking up for?

What is it?

What inspires me?

From there,

Ask yourself,

What do I want?

What do I need?

How do I want to feel?

How do I want to present myself in this world?

What is authenticity?

What is my center?

How will I get to all of these places that are within the answers of these last few questions?

And then lastly,

Ask yourself,

Will I give myself permission to do the work that is necessary to connect with myself?

Will I allow myself to be within the pieces that I have uncovered?

Big questions,

Big actions,

But this is how we begin the connectivity phase of our lives.

This is where we build self-love from.

It really all comes back to allowing.

You know,

Will I allow myself to make the choice to connect with who I am?

And then,

Am I willing to live as that person?

I hope this helps you begin your journey to self-connection.

Jillian,

Thank you so much for your question.

I hope this gives you all a new insight.

And I do challenge each of you to challenge yourself.

Who am I?

Who am I below the surface?

Who am I really?

Thank you for taking the time to listen to this episode,

Which originally aired on the Get Your Life Together Girl podcast.

Please take the time to review this conversation and follow me here on Insight Timer for more courses,

Meditations,

And additional conversations.

Until next time,

Be kind to yourself and others.