How To Mindfully Respond To Life

In this excerpt from his book The Inner Path, Geoff Bell-Devaney talks about how we can move from a place of unconsciously reacting to life and instead begin responding to whatever we are experiencing from a place of greater awareness. He explains the importance of doing this and shows how this practice can help us grow in insight. He discusses ways that we can do this in every moment and how doing so can lead us to greater inner peace and clarity in our lives.

Transcript

Our emotions are constantly on parade within us,

But we often become too overwhelmed by the fireworks and fanfare of our first reaction to something to simply observe them.

For example,

When another driver insults us by gesturing or honking,

We may find ourselves instantly wanting to react out of anger or fear.

In this type of situation,

We're often quick to jump to defensiveness or accusing others of being at fault.

We must remember,

However,

That we have a choice in every moment to either engage and add fuel to our emotions or to learn from them and let them go.

It takes a wise individual to recognize the path that their reaction wants to take them down.

It takes great courage and resolve to say to oneself,

I know where this frustration and anger is going to lead,

And as much as my wounded ego wants to go there,

I won't let it.

As we become more aware of ourselves,

We'll begin to see how we often come into situations with pre-programmed reactions,

Acting almost as if we were on autopilot.

We'll also start to notice how easy it can be to lose ourselves in these reactions,

And we'll begin to see how limited many of them truly are.

We will also start to understand the reasoning,

Perhaps,

Behind many of our reactions that have long gone unrecognized and unchecked,

And we'll also begin to see how many of them are selfish and unjustified in nature,

And how,

In many situations,

We may be acting without any sincere compassion or awareness of other people or their needs.

Certain individuals bring out uncomfortable feelings within us,

And out of fear and impatience with our inner experience,

We often react in ways that are designed to push these people away.

We should realize,

However,

That not only are we avoiding life and relationships of substance with others by avoiding our unpleasant feelings,

We're also avoiding ourselves.

When we react like this,

It's almost as if we're trying to create some kind of protective bubble around us where no uncomfortable emotions will be able to find us.

By doing this,

However,

We can become controlling or avoidant and waste tremendous reserves of energy and creative potential in the process.

The reasons for doing this often make perfect sense,

However,

As we frequently engage in this type of behavior to protect us from having to feel certain emotions that we had trouble assimilating at some earlier time in our lives.

We tend to keep alive within us the emotional charge of any experience that we were unable to handle when it first occurred.

Because we were not able to naturally integrate and release these feelings,

We unconsciously hold onto them and do everything in our power to avoid having to face them again.

But of course,

We will face them again.

The universe wants us to accept all of our emotions and is constantly providing us with experiences to help us do this.

We often seem to look for these situations unconsciously and yet are so surprised when we find ourselves in the same old familiar patterns.

In order to begin liberating ourselves from these patterns,

We must first identify them.

We must spend time searching our past and looking for ways in which life has provided us with similar lessons to learn.

We can then heed their wisdom and direction and take conscious action in order to avoid repeating them.

Life is compassionate and yet sometimes the lessons we receive seem to be particularly harsh and painful.

Perhaps we might consider that life gives us exactly what we need and that sometimes we need a big push to open us up to a part of ourselves that we've long refused to acknowledge.

By seeing things in this way,

We can begin appreciating the deeper meaning behind every situation we encounter and start being more accepting and nurturing of ourselves and eventually move beyond the inner patterns that are keeping us from realizing our true potential.

We tend to think of pain as something to be avoided at all costs.

The truth is that no one is asking us to unnecessarily suffer or be helpless,

But to realize that we might enjoy our lives more and be able to relate to others and ourselves in more fulfilling ways if we stopped our futile search for comfort and began stating our feelings instead of acting out our frustrations.

If we began accepting life as our teacher and started paying attention to its lessons instead of ignoring them or complaining about them.

Behind every situation that we encounter is an opportunity to learn,

Grow and further explore who we are and to see how we may be acting in ways that are keeping us from living up to our potential.

We have the choice in every moment to learn from life and begin watching it unfold and help us,

No matter how much we'd prefer to run from the discomfort it sometimes offers.

As we begin to see how situations and people,

By being exactly as they already are,

Can offer us a deeper awareness into our own lives,

We can stop running from them and pushing them away.

As we begin to understand our own seemingly involuntary reactions to life's situations,

We can grow in compassion for ourselves and for others who,

Like us,

Are often acting in ways that are designed to keep their unwanted emotions away.

We often criticize other people when we get caught up with one of their dysfunctional coping mechanisms.

We might,

Instead of reacting to them with contempt or condescension,

Open ourselves up to a greater awareness of the hidden pain and fear that is propelling so many of their behaviors.

By doing this,

We can begin to understand how at times we're all seemingly ruled by some unseen hand within and learn to respond to their behaviors,

And our own,

With greater empathy and compassion.

As we begin acknowledging our own fears and desires,

We can more easily recognize them in others.

This will enable us to look beyond their actions and recognize the pain that may be causing them.

By doing this,

We will empower ourselves,

For when we're able to see the unconscious motivators behind another's actions,

We can begin to understand the impersonal nature of their ways.

The slights and barbs that we encounter can perhaps be seen as calls for help or love,

Attempts to show us how uncomfortable these people truly are.

By looking at our lives in this way,

We can,

Instead of feeling sorry for ourselves and becoming so easily upset at others,

Begin learning and growing from our interactions with them.

We can start understanding the potential that we hold within us for liberation of the highest form.

And we can start working with the conditioned reflex of unconsciously reacting with frustration and helplessness,

And instead,

Begin seeing challenging people and situations as opportunities to grow and become more balanced and whole.

When we're able to notice how we want to react to life,

And instead choose to investigate and accept our feelings,

We can start to respond to it from a place of inner wisdom and strength.

We can then more easily begin allowing others to be who they are and learn to coexist with them in an assertive manner.

This will empower us and help us see more clearly our own roles and responsibilities in every situation.

As we learn to look within rather than simply reacting unconsciously to external situations,

We initiate a chain of events that leads to a greater awareness of who we are and of how we might be more in control of ourselves in any situation.

As we do this,

We can start listening to and trusting our inner compass and acting in ways that feel truthful to us.

We can slowly emerge from our lifelong patterns and begin embracing those very elements within us that we have,

For so long,

Avoided acknowledging.

We can start to see life as a friend and teacher instead of an enemy and roadblock.

We can begin working with it instead of resisting it and let it shape us in ways we could never have imagined.

As we begin observing ourselves in this way,

We may start to realize how much unnecessary pain we've been causing ourselves and others by not acting authentically.

We might also find sadness arising at wasted years or lost relationships.

We should always remember to be gentle with ourselves and to realize that it's never too late for liberating change to occur.

This is an opportunity for those of us who have tasted life in all of its pain and pleasure to set aside the false security and optimism that our youthful sense of infallibility may have provided and to begin learning from life and accepting how it truly is rather than how we would prefer it to be.

Experience and age can definitely be a virtue rather than an impediment on this inner path.

This process is one of acceptance and courageous change regardless of our age.

It's about healing ourselves and our relationship with life and learning to run to ourselves instead of toward outer temporary sources of pleasure.

It is about accepting life on its own terms no matter what they may be and letting all of our experiences be assets rather than liabilities.

As we begin letting our lives be exactly as they are,

Regardless of how much adversity and pain they may contain,

We can start the long and beautiful journey out of our suffering.

We can let ourselves be touched by life as it has always been trying to do instead of avoiding the reality of our situation.

As we begin acknowledging all of our feelings rather than unconsciously reacting to them,

We unleash a determined objectivity that enables us to learn and grow and move on to our next experience.

Instead of avoiding our pain and weakness,

We can begin accepting it and learning from it and slowly,

By listening to our inner voice of truth,

Start changing in ways that enrich and enliven us.

Every time we focus only on those things that someone else is doing that are upsetting us and fail to investigate our own reaction to them,

We ultimately remain helpless and ineffective and lose an opportunity to learn more about ourselves.

But that person is really acting hurtful or annoying,

We might say.

Well,

Life would reply,

Yes they are indeed.

And yet how we want to change them,

How we want to blame them for making us feel small,

Helpless and uncomfortable.

The truth may very well be that the words and actions of another person do create some unpleasantness within us,

But it is what we do with this discomfort that matters.

Do we react blindly and act controlling or helpless,

Pushing that person or our true feelings away out of fear and imagined weakness?

Or do we realize that we might benefit from acknowledging and accepting the uncomfortable emotions that their actions are stirring up within us?

Do we allow these undesirable feelings to be present?

Perhaps we can let ourselves be touched by our emotions,

Maybe we can let it be okay to feel the anger,

Jealousy or fear right where it is,

Because where else could it possibly be,

And begin the beautiful process of watching it,

Listening to it and learning from it.

Maybe we can begin asking ourselves,

What are these emotions trying to teach me and why are they such a strong charge within me?

Why do they make me so uncomfortable?

And in what ways might I be trying to avoid feeling them?

Over time we can begin to simply watch our emotions rise and learn to be at peace with them,

To smile at them even.

Ah yes,

We might say,

There's my old friend impatience,

What does he have to show me about myself today?

As we begin embracing the reality of our lives instead of simply reacting to them,

We can turn our focus from one of being a victim to being a co-creator.

We can begin letting all of our emotions in so that they can lead us to a greater acceptance and love of ourselves and others.

We can begin allowing life to be as it is without pushing it away or running from it.

And we can start seeing the truth within us and begin pulling the weeds of reactivity from our internal garden and begin replacing them with beautiful seeds of responding and right action.

We can start accepting responsibility for how we act and how we feel and begin behaving in ways that are true to ourselves and others.

And we can start expressing how we actually feel in ways that are strong yet gentle,

Firm in conviction and balanced in truth.

Avoiding our discomfort is actually keeping us from truly knowing and accepting the depth of peace and joy that is our birthright.

Just as a weightlifter must endure the pain and struggle of exercise before being rewarded with a healthy strong body,

We too must exercise our ability to let the reality of life in with all of its pain and pleasure before we can be rewarded with peace and happiness.

Until we stop sitting on the fence and begin exploring the fields of both our good and bad emotions and experiences,

We'll remain locked in a small shell of our true potential.

Life is waiting for you to dance with her.

Please come away from the security over the walls that you've created to keep her out and let her sweep you off of your feet.