Do You Really Need To Be Special?

A key strategy for our human survival is to “be special.” If we stand out in some way, get noticed by others, we may find ourselves better positioned in the “herd.” That isn’t necessarily a problem, until the drive to be more and more special becomes an addiction and in that, is ultimately destructive. This lively exchange offers great insight into what it means to be absolutely ordinary, and still discover what is truly extraordinary.

Transcript

Does specialness really deliver for you?

Certainly you can feel elated for a moment,

Feeling special,

But does it last?

Do you,

Can you feel special in all circumstances?

No.

Then you haven't discovered what is always here.

Hello and welcome to Being Yourself,

Self-Inquiry with Gangaji.

My name is Barbara Denempont.

And the title of today's podcast really speaks to what the clip is all about,

Of course.

Do you really need to be special?

Well,

It's a great question because there are a lot of perks to being special,

Of course,

We know that.

But there's also a much darker side to it.

And I love how this clip really illuminates what that means,

Not only in our own lives,

But what that could mean in the world.

I'm having trouble with three words here.

I'm having trouble with ordinary,

Special,

Those just piss the hell out of me.

Both of them.

Both.

Both extremes.

Extremes.

I can deal with the anger.

I haven't gotten to all the stuff underneath you,

The not-enoughness.

But this word of humility?

Humility.

What would that involve?

What's the risk there?

I have no idea what the word means.

I'm all upset.

So when we're upset,

Yeah,

I don't know if it's anger or some kind of energy like that,

The rusting energy,

It's usually something pretty close to the surface underneath that.

Because even though that's our biggest emotion,

It's not our deepest.

I don't understand.

You didn't understand?

If I sit,

When I sit with anger,

It can go to not worthy enough.

No,

No.

Okay,

Great.

All that stuff.

But here's the thing,

When you say,

When I sit with anger,

It takes this long,

Right?

You're sitting now,

But you don't have to sit with anger.

You just,

Oh,

Anger,

What's underneath anger?

What have you found is underneath anger when you sit with it,

When you look at it,

When you inquire into it,

In the past.

Sadness.

Sadness.

Grief.

Grief.

Fear.

Yeah.

Self-doubt.

So those are the issues.

It's not humility that's the issue.

Or I can handle these,

But I can't handle these.

This is where the juice is in your self-inquiry of your particular human form.

But I don't even know what the feeling of humility feels like.

What do you need to know?

Because we talk about it.

I,

And I've said humility?

Maybe humble.

I don't talk about being humble.

Oh,

Okay.

Well maybe I'm just like.

.

.

That's a gift you have to deserve.

You can't talk about that.

That comes.

I did mention that I thought I wanted to be special,

That would give me what I wanted,

And I was shocked and humbled,

Maybe,

To realize that's not it at all.

It's absolutely ordinariness that gives everything.

What do you say about that?

Well you know that ordinariness now.

I've got to be honest with you.

Like,

Ordinary.

I don't want to be ordinary.

I've never been ordinary.

You are ordinary though.

And so,

Yes,

We know you're extraordinary.

As every human being is extraordinary in their own right.

As every snowflake is,

As every molecule is,

That's the truth.

But as a form,

You're ordinary.

You're a human being,

An ordinary human being.

How many billions have there been?

You're one of many.

So to let that in,

You really have to recognize what stops you from letting that in,

What the danger is in being ordinary.

Because something to do with survival,

That's why we want to be extraordinary.

Death.

Death.

I'll die if I'm ordinary.

That's right,

You will.

I'll die.

You die an ordinary death.

I'm going to get depressed.

I'm going to be boring.

I'm going to sit and eat chocolate.

But aren't you bored with all of that?

Bored with?

All of the,

I'm not going to death,

I'm going to be special,

I'm going to,

Isn't that boring finally?

How long have you been playing that tape?

I'm not going to be ordinary,

I'm going to be a human being.

I'm not ordinary,

I'm special.

Well now,

I don't go around thinking I'm special.

Certainly,

Certainly not.

Now,

I do have to watch sometimes fantasy of wanting to be special and I catch it.

So what will it give you if you're special in that fantasy?

I get to be like you.

You want to trade seats and see how it feels?

I would love to.

Okay,

So I'll turn and speak to them.

Who would like to come up next?

Okay.

Help me,

I'm falling.

That's wonderful.

That's easy for you to say.

You're so extraordinary.

Well,

I'm not extraordinary then.

Oh,

You are,

You are.

Well,

That doesn't feel good either.

Interesting,

Huh?

Yeah.

So there's something that's deeper than ordinary or extraordinary.

There's something that's more precious.

And really the reason I used ordinary is because it was just a counterbalance to my thought that extraordinaryness is what gave you happiness or peace.

Because I was conditioned that way.

I was brought up in a southern household and so all women had to be extraordinary to get the right man.

Oh yeah.

And you get the right man,

That means you survive for a little while.

You get a protector,

Provider.

There's always all about survival if you just unwind it a little bit,

Whatever your conditioning.

Where were you brought up?

Asheville,

North Carolina.

I know,

I was bred to be.

I was bred,

I wasn't raised,

So I get it.

Yeah,

That's right.

Yeah,

You do,

You get it and it's a burden.

Really it's maybe a golden burden because you succeeded,

You became extraordinary.

But did that give you what you really,

Truly,

Finally want from this lifetime?

Well,

What comes with that then is wanting more.

Wanting more extraordinaryness?

Extraordinary.

Yeah,

That's,

I was reading,

I saw a wonderful,

Excuse me,

This little digression,

It's a wonderful,

Horrible little spot about Putin and how Putin got to be this megalomaniac that he is.

I mean we could see Trump or we could see any number of people,

We have lots of examples of that,

But this was a neuroscientist talking about it and it said really when he was just in the KBG he was just a cog in the machine,

It was fine,

And that's why Yeltsin picked him to be the president.

He thought he could be just controllable.

But what happens when you get picked,

As you have been picked,

You've been selected,

Something happens in your brain,

Like with any addiction,

Like with a sweet addiction,

Where,

Whoa,

That feels good,

I would like some more of that.

And that is really,

It's a neuro circuit that happens that actually grows in wanting more.

And so he found out how a politician or president of a country gets more,

And you found out the way you've been bred and the way you have practiced,

What gets you more.

But is more,

Up to this point anyway,

Ever been enough?

Has more ever been enough beyond the five minutes of pleasure that you get when you recognize your mom?

Because you know,

Everything I've done in my life,

If you look at it on paper,

It could,

Maybe you might,

I don't know,

Some people might think,

Oh that's extraordinary,

But I can't feel it.

That's right,

Of course,

This is so good,

I'm happy.

So your brain is not corrupted by it,

Because you're getting the correct signals,

This is empty.

Maybe you're happy with your accomplishments,

But this is empty,

It doesn't give me the truth of myself,

It doesn't reveal true happiness.

This is a very good sign.

That I can't feel it.

That you don't feel happy from being extraordinary.

Because if you did,

You wouldn't be in this room,

You'd just be out working to get more extraordinary.

And whatever it takes,

It is like an addiction.

It's not like an addiction,

It is an addiction.

So let's say that you come off of,

That you come out of,

I don't know you,

I'll say,

Let's say I come out of a beautiful session,

Or a wonderful workshop or something,

And I really feel good.

Yeah.

It feels good.

It does,

Yes,

It's beautiful.

Beautiful.

And then what?

What do you pick up?

It feels good.

Yeah.

Next.

What do you pick up?

What happens next?

That's the key.

Well it's not to be addicted to that,

But it's,

Isn't this nice,

But the next minute somebody could be calling and makes me cry or makes me angry.

So where did the nice feeling go?

That's the source of addictions.

It just dissolves.

You just have to find another nice feeling.

What if,

So what if the next client is a failure?

The next session is no good.

Well then I have to feel the,

I feel the feelings.

I have to,

I do feel the feelings.

But what is the narrative?

Feelings are the feelings,

But what is the narrative?

Because that's where the prison is.

That's where the slavery is.

Okay,

I understand the feelings.

The feelings are the feelings.

You feel elated or you feel depressed.

But what's the story?

What's the narrative?

What's the story?

What are you telling yourself about yourself or about other?

Maybe.

Maybe what?

That if I'm feeling the feelings like I've been doing and that,

Maybe I think that makes me special.

Well is that,

Is that the story?

Because I feel,

I can feel the feelings.

You can feel everything.

So maybe there's a story there.

There either is or there isn't.

But if you examine it and there is,

Then that narrative is part of something that keeps you chasing something that never has given you lasting fulfillment,

Pleasure certainly,

But lasting fulfillment.

I think this might be it.

Because I can feel the feelings.

You're special.

I'm special.

And so therefore I should be you.

Because I can feel the feelings.

But I just said I'm not special so you better stay you if you want to stay special.

Okay.

Yeah.

This specialness is going to take some work.

Yeah.

Well you have to be motivated.

You have to be motivated and that's from telling the truth.

Does specialness really deliver for you?

I mean you can feel elated for a moment feeling special.

But does it last?

Do you,

Can you feel special in all circumstances?

No.

Then you haven't discovered what is always here.

And that's the invitation.

Then it's really,

It's of course much deeper than ordinary or specialness.

It has nothing to do with either one.

Both appear and disappear in that.

Inflation,

Specialness,

Deflation,

Less than ordinary.

That I see.

Yeah,

It's beautiful.

This has nothing to do with any of it.

That's right.

That's right.

You see,

Yeah,

The whole room feels it.

It's a dropping from this,

From a narrative about other and about yourself and ranking and where pleasure is,

Where satisfaction is,

Where extraordinariness is.

You can see how these words are so useless really.

Because they are special moments and they are ordinary moments.

But if you're banking on the special moments,

You're banking on the fewer moments of life.

There are many more ordinary moments,

Many,

Many,

Many more.

And they're extraordinary just in their beingness.

When we have to have it be a certain way,

Like bliss,

So you've experienced bliss and you want to wake up because you hear that's where more bliss is.

That's where I'll go buy more bliss.

Because I like that the best.

But then you have to toss this word bliss out of the way because then it's not bliss,

It's some object of your fantasy that's going to give you what's already here.

And that's humbling but it's not humiliating.

It's restful because you aren't striving,

You aren't trying to get the next hit or the next proof,

The next success.

Everybody likes success.

It doesn't mean success is not likable.

But you're not,

It's not defining you.

So it's what I meant when I said I'm ordinary.

You know,

I understand I'm on stage,

I'm Gangaji,

I'm bringing to you Papaji's words,

I have the gift of gab.

So I get,

You know,

The set up there.

And I think it's very useful if you think I'm extraordinary for whatever period of time till you get to know me better.

But it's really not useful for me to consider myself that.

That's megalomania and it's just not true.

And we see a lot of people,

This documentary I saw about Putin was really showing how he physiologically went that way.

As we do when we're addicted,

I mean it's a physiological thing,

It's a big thing.

And we are addicted to our definitions of ourself as either wonderful or horrible,

Depending on what we like,

Bliss or some kind of masochistic torture.

But none of that can exist without a narrative associated with it.

So this simple instruction or invitation to just be aware of the narrative,

To overhear the narrative,

And for a few moments just to recognize that you can stop following the narrative.

End of story.

And there is this freshness of being.

It's been here all along,

But the narrative is the distraction from that.

You have been here all along,

The same innocence you had as a child,

Still here,

It didn't get bred out of you.

Same wonder,

You know,

Same irritability,

Same infantileness,

Same whatever,

All the other aspects of your personality,

But at the core there's this ageless being that is you.

And since it is you,

You don't have to do anything to accomplish it.

You have to be willing to not do anything,

For at least a moment,

At least an inquiry.

So you discover what is here.

Then of course if you own that and you get inflated with that,

You know,

That will be the normal state of affairs and you will become a megalomaniac and people will be hurt in your wake.

But we've had plenty of those that have gone before us in all areas of life,

Politicians,

Spiritual teachers,

Successful people who have been eaten up by their megalomania.

We don't need to go there,

They've fallen in these deep holes that we can see.

So you can be aware when you start going inflated with it and you just come back to this.

No narrative,

No body,

No enlightenment,

No unenlightenment.

What is here?

What a fresh and honest dialogue.

I think it's such a relevant topic,

I think we can all relate to it.

So I hope it serves you today.

And if this program does support you,

If this podcast supports you,

I hope you support us as well.

Your contributions are really meaningful and really help us make this whole program possible along with many others.

If you want to learn more about that,

More about how to support the Gangaji Foundation or to simply be supported,

The programs that support you,

You can go to gangaji.

Org.

That's g-a-n-g-a-j-i dot o-r-g.

Thank you for listening.

My name is Barbara Denipont.

Until next time.

Reviews

Sublimely navigated. When softness is a super power.. 💓

Excellent dialogue

So amazing 🙏