Day 5 ~ Journey Out Of Depression

The following is an audio journal of my journey out of depression. I have studied self-healing for many years and have become aware of the things that I need to do to help me feel better. My hope is that my experience may help someone who is struggling with depression or encourage someone to share their own experience.

I believe that the more we talk about depression, the more we will evolve and grow to be stronger in our fight against it.

I will be sharing 7 days of audio journals in total.

Transcript

Hi everyone,

My name is Colleen and I'm the voice of Gabriel Free.

The following is an audio journal of my journey to move out of depression and back to feeling good.

I've worked for quite a few years on self-healing and most of it I've done through journaling.

This is the first time I've used an audio journal but I'm really hoping that if I put it out there I know that through the years I've figured out certain things that I need to do to start to pull myself out of depression and I thought maybe I'd share it and maybe it might help someone or encourage someone else to share their journey because we all know that with depression it's not talked about half as much as it should be.

So that's it,

Hope you enjoy it and I'd love your feedback.

Thanks so much.

Okay so it's April 1st coming off Easter long weekend so it's actually Easter Monday.

I just got in from my walk so this is day five so feeling great that I'm here right now and not where I was last week.

I have to say okay so I I started this my day one was Thursday feeling pretty down,

Pretty depressed,

Lost a little bit you know but anyway so I started it Thursday and then I had my family home on the weekend to kind of just you know take care of the dogs everything because I kind of just pulled away from all of that okay so I tried to pull up my own routine and so this is my third day with my magic three ingredients for my recipe for standing up here.

I'm doing the walk,

I'm doing the journaling and the meditation.

Now yesterday once again I did the meditation without falling asleep which was a great thing.

I did have a few things trying to pull me off so it wasn't like you know your ultimate that you always go for but it's still you know pretty pretty good meditation.

Last night going to bed I had like like last week for the past like you know when I started Thursday but a couple weeks before that I was just not sleeping good.

My mind was just going a million miles an hour on everything nothing in particular just everything under the sun and I was having a hard time falling asleep.

I felt like even nothing was working for me like I'd have my teas like I regularly would and it just no so I was like extra tired by the time I got to Thursday I was extra tired you know from kind of a lack of sleep and being able you know having a hard time fulfilling my routine even with my dogs and and and all my other stuff that I kind of I felt like I was not in control.

So here we go so last night the point I'm getting to is okay so I've had my family here for the weekend they're kind of taking over a lot of the stuff like I you know I have a routine with the dogs of course they need I've got a young I've got two dogs and one is five months old.

So anyway so last night as I'm falling asleep I'm starting to think about and feel oh god here we go we're going into this week falling back into this routine and I'm like panicking a little bit because I'm I'm like no I am not going back into that routine and the problem is is that you know when you're sensitive everybody else's stuff can very easily take up your time okay and so I think since we've got this the puppy which like I said it's probably been you know well he's almost six months so it's probably been five months you know I've just dedicated a lot of time to that I enjoy doing it I enjoy you know and you know they bring over my dogs bring a lot of joy to my life but it became kind of that I was that's all I was doing you know I was I had basically just dedicated and put all my stuff aside to make sure that they were getting everything that they needed so the difference is as I recognized that last night I was kind of like okay no no no no no no and I don't like that feeling I felt the feeling coming up that little panic feeling and anxiety and that feeling of depression that I was going oh no I don't want to be overwhelmed with that so basically taking the reins today and you know what I'm doing is kind of shifting my dogs to my schedule so as much as I hate to do it you know the young one went in his kennel for a few minutes while I went and did my walk and that's he's he's more than happy in there he loves being in there I never hear a peep from him and I don't use it that often I use this as least as I as I can because I don't like to do that but he's getting older and very soon will not have to go in there at all anyway that being said I'm doing what I need to do to keep this routine going because I'm feeling if I compare myself to Thursday when I started this five days ago oh my god it's like two different worlds okay and I think like looking at it on my fifth day I start to see how you know I basically got pulled into all this other outside world energy and I totally smothered myself I don't feel like there was anything in my body that was still me and I am I was sad and felt like I was purposeful a purposeless a little bit and all that you know not a lot of hope just that it's such an awful feeling but the thing is is that when we're not doing when none of our energy belongs to us yeah we're kind of sad and lonely and you know depleted and all of those things and you know I've done this before and I'm recognizing it again you know every time I every time I do it I'm like oh god I'll never fall into that trap again but it happens life happens right and it's all about taking this time to actually be aware of what's happening with you you know I've opened up my journal today and once again my first question I write I answer questions just like you know this audio is really helping me to build more awareness because I'm kind of like answering all my questions out loud looking at what I've looked at for the past 24 hours but my first question in my journal is where am I what am I thinking about what's what's showed up for me what do I what do I need to let go of you know with the exercise and the journaling and the meditation I find like I'm I'm putting a focus on me and so I'm kicking out other things like nope not doing that right now nope not doing that right now trying to control my what I'm thinking about because that pulls my energy away okay and you know it's about you know not worrying about you know that fear of the future that sadness and from the past like it's more living in the moment so I'm kind of like just cutting out my space and going nope nope nope nope nope so right now I feel that like that's that's really working and five days ago oh my god I just to think about that energy I was in I I'm not saying that I'm you know blown in out of the water right now but I'm seeing the progress and I'm seeing like for instance today okay like you know yes okay I did my water with my walk I am I'm having my tea right now which are just natural things that don't take a lot of effort and their self-care the other thing that happened before I went out for my walk was I started singing and the thing is is that that's something that I've always liked to do you know in my life I've done it for a long time I've always just found it so comforting and so you know really soothes my throat chakra and it just it just happened even my dogs were looking at me going okay what's going on because I usually like you know I have a room that I go to over my garage that is basically for that and it just I I've been kind of like oh my god I should but I just haven't had time why why have I not had time for that I've not had time for that because I'm carrying everyone else's energy around me I'm carrying my dog's energy my family's energy I've basically just committed myself to everyone else except for myself but here on day five what I'm seeing is you know those things that make me happy give me peace you know actually that I get joy from are showing up even my Reiki even Reiki you know it's just showing up and these are things that I was having a hard time I didn't have any focus my focus was pulled from my body and I felt like I wasn't even living in my body so now on day five things feeling a lot better a lot better for sure and you know I'm gonna be really just like I had the thoughts about Monday coming last night and you know still keeping this routine even after everyone goes back to work for the week I also am thinking ahead to you know some other things that I'm gonna have to slowly bring in and what kind of boundaries I'm gonna have to put around them I feel like I'm just kind of rebuilding myself here you know and with care so I think I'm gonna look at that tomorrow because I am doing an online course and it's something that you know it was a big source of anxiety for me before I started this because of course I wasn't focusing I wasn't focused and I I feel like I've you know the past couple months hasn't been focused so I really haven't done a lot and I got to get to work on that but I don't want it to be pressure I did it I'm doing this because I enjoy it so anyway I'm trying to think if there's anything else right now I think I'm gonna get to my journaling this is day five I'm really thankful to be here I'm really thankful for what my little routine here in the past five days has has brought to me bringing it back to myself and that's pretty much it for today I think it's gonna be another great day talk later bye

Reviews

This was fine. It seems you made great strides and I am feeling Why can’t I do that. I know everyone is different and I am dealing with 2 deaths in 2 years and all the tumult around it but I can’t seem to find me. I moved to new area different from previous I am an introvert so don’t have many maybe one friend, no relatives to speak of that don’t judge.
I went to different classes and groups but didn’t feel ok. It is very hot where I live to walk unless 6 am latest. I know it sounds like excuses but I am doing best I can. I do have therapist Et al but still sleeping is hard w meds. First time I am on my own late in life.