Hi,
Unique learners!
This is Yvette from RightWay and this is part 2 of Letting Go of Approval Seeking.
Previously we discussed in part 1 how seeking approval can negatively impact us and covered four strategies for you to practice.
Do you remember them?
The first one is grounding,
Feeling your body,
Emotions and becoming aware of your thoughts.
The second one was evaluate tasks based on approval seeking efforts.
Are you taking on this project because you want to or because you want other people's approval?
The third tragedy was noticing your language,
Self-talk and behavior and identifying whether it is coming from wanting someone else,
When the emotion is from you or whether it is from someone else.
And the fourth strategy was turn it around,
Realize that disapproval can be used as a weapon.
And in this session I would like to dive deeper and challenge how we identify ourselves when other people use disapproval as a weapon.
By first of all asking,
Is it true?
But before we dive into some techniques to let go of the need of approval,
Let's get grounded.
Close your eyes if you haven't done so already or stare at a point before you.
Get comfortable,
Place your hands in your lap.
Become aware of your breath.
Focus on breathing by feeling and listening to the body inhale and exhale.
Allow thoughts to pass through the mind without judgment.
Breathe in deeply through the nose,
Hold it and breathe out forcefully with the mouth open sticking your tongue out.
Stretch your face while doing it.
And again,
Breathe in deeply through the nose and then breathe the air out with a sound and open that mouth.
One more time,
Breathe in through the nose,
Hold it and breathe out.
So in our last talk I talked about how seeking approval can be used as a weapon by others.
For example,
At work you have plenty things to do with a current project.
However it isn't going so well.
You wish it would go better and other colleagues seem to be thriving in their work.
During your daily meeting one colleague asks you to make another project with comments like oh but you can do it.
You have enough time on your hands with this current project right?
In such situations what would help is to stop yourself.
What are you thinking?
How are you identifying yourself with these statements?
Is it true?
Now let's say a friend commented about your new car and how cheap it must be with a tone of voice.
And you suddenly feel like you should explain yourself why you bought this car with the famous words but but.
How would you identify yourself with such a statement?
And there is a key to your freedom.
Think about the words something you like and identify with.
Because if you didn't identify with your car you would not take it personally if someone were to disapprove of it.
If your sense of self weren't invested in knowing or admiring that famous person that critical remark would not have anything to do with you personally at all.
And taking things personally is the root of the problem.
Or rather the root of the problem is that we are identified with a person,
A storyline,
And a bundle of concepts and associations that we think of as ourselves.
Because when we don't identify with the person,
The ego,
We have transcended the reach of the ego and all of it came together.
So the key to becoming independent of other people's opinions is simply to let go of the person.
Let go whether it's praise or whether they disapprove.
Then approval or disapproval can no longer affect you and you are free to observe the game with detachment.
Hey Yvette,
How am I going to do that?
You might be thinking.
To not take things personally and not caring in one meditation session,
I'm sorry,
Will not happen immediately.
But I would like to point out that this strategy of knowing you shouldn't take it personally has lots to do with self-esteem and self-worth.
And you doing this meditation shows you care about yourself.
And the next time you notice that someone is hurting you with a quote on quote I don't like you or you didn't do a good job or something similar,
Can you say to yourself this has nothing to do with me and my character?
In an everyday situation when you need an affirmation of why you can be independent of people's opinion,
Saying to yourself that you're not a person or don't take it personally may not work.
The only reason why we're afraid of other people's disapproval is that we value their approval and when you see that their approval is of no value to you whatsoever,
The promise of it will not work on you anymore.
And thus the threat of disapproval will cease to work as well.
At the end of the day,
The only person you need to answer to is yourself.
Your own self-approval is a crucial aspect of your integrity and will keep you happy and fulfilled in the long run.
By working to free yourself from approval-seeking behavior at work,
You're honoring yourself and your needs and setting yourself up for long-term happiness.
This leads us to the next tragedy and that is visualizing who you would be if you did not care what other people thought of you.
What would your life be like if you did not care what other people thought of you?
If you were completely independent of people's opinions,
Good or bad?
And just go about your day without so much as a single self-conscious decision.
It would be a wonderful freedom,
Right?
Would you be free to do what you wanted and have a clarity of mind?
Let's see.
Try to visualize how that reality would look like for you.
How would you look like?
Would there be a smile on your face?
How would you internally feel?
What would you do?
How would you walk?
How would you talk?
How free would you feel?
Isn't that a pretty picture?
What if it could be reality?
So in short,
Each time you seek approval,
You're diminishing your own importance and keep practicing.
Remember,
You are important,
So go ahead and allow your true nature and be seen and be experienced by others.
And let me know if you practiced your self appreciation journal for a week.
I would like to hear any input.
All is welcome.
Namaste.
