Blind spots

I heard a quote recently that has stuck with me over the past week.

It said,

The weakness of the humankind is that although we have a nose less than an inch from our mouth,

We still rely on others to tell us that our breath smells.

I don't know where this lands in your life right now,

What this might mean to you,

If anything,

But for me it made me think of blind spots.

A blind spot when driving is the areas of the road that cannot be seen through either of the side mirrors or the rear view mirror.

The only way to see this area is by installing larger fields of view mirrors or by deliberately turning your head over your shoulder to look.

Physiologically we also have a blind spot.

Information is sent from our eyes to our retinas which respond to light.

The information travels via the optic nerve which then crosses to our brain,

But at the point where this nerve goes to the brain,

The optic disc,

There are no light receptors and this means we can't see at certain points.

Legend has it that also King Charles II used his blind spot to make the heads disappear of the people who were about to get executed.

But these are not the blind spots that I am interested in.

I'm thinking more of the ones in our lives,

The characteristics and aspects about us that we are just not aware of.

These can be so limiting and damaging to relationships,

Friendships and promotions in our careers.

It's easy to point out others' faults and failings.

They can be really obvious to us.

If your friend whines about why she has such bad luck with men,

Why they always treat her so mean,

But you can clearly see that she behaves like a doormat,

Allowing people to disrespect her,

Having no self-worth or value.

You may roll your eyes at your colleague who whinges about how unfair it is that they are constantly overlooked for promotion.

When you could plainly tell them it's because they do the least amount of work in the office and they're really negative.

Your boss can't understand why people leave the company and show no loyalty to him or the company,

But it's as plain as the nose on your face that he blittles his staff,

Gives them far too much work to do and shows absolutely no appreciation.

Obvious to us.

So why can't they see this?

Blind spots.

Okay,

We could carry on all day actually pointing out other people's blind spots,

But they can't see them because they are blind to them.

So how are we expected to see our own failings,

Our own misgivings,

Our very own blind spots?

Dare you even look?

The Macmillan dictionary describes these blind spots as a subject that you do not understand well,

Often because you do not want to know or admit the truth about it.

So how do we first of all discover what our blind spots are?

Well,

A really good way is to ask others.

Our blind spots are as obvious to others as our friends or our colleagues or our bosses are to us.

So ask other people who you trust and who have your best interest at heart and don't just want an opportunity to destroy you.

It is impossible to discover our blind spots without self-awareness and total honesty.

So if you are prepared for some hard work,

Possibly to encounter some ugliness and maybe even a little bit of wonderful,

Well then stay with me.

I invite you to close your eyes now if you wish.

Take a couple of breaths however you wish and allow the body to settle.

Notice how you feel right now.

The thought of facing things that you might not have ever faced or that you secretly might know.

How does that sit with you?

What do you sense within?

What emotions?

What thoughts?

Maybe you feel courage and determination.

Maybe you feel fear and dread.

Either is okay,

We're just noticing what's there.

What do you notice in your body?

If you feel determination and resolve maybe you feel a sense of strength in your chest.

If you feel dread maybe you might feel a heaviness in your stomach.

Just noticing whatever is there for you in your body.

Socrates said that to know thyself is the beginning of all wisdom.

So let's make a start on that.

Take a few moments here to think about a couple of questions and whatever comes to your mind you don't need to do anything about them you're just noticing what arises for you.

What do I already sense about myself good and bad?

What is one thing I really don't want to accept about myself?

And now let's look at different areas of our lives.

Look at what happens regularly where there are issues.

In your career,

Your work life,

Is there anything that happens frequently that causes you to ask why?

Why does this always happen?

Being totally honest with yourself,

Do you see any reasons that you could take responsibility for?

What about your health,

Your weight or fitness?

Is there anything that you are not happy with in these areas?

Food addictions,

Weight gain,

Alcohol intake,

Exercise.

Are there any behaviours that you can acknowledge here where you might not have done previously?

And how about relationships,

Your friendships,

Family,

Colleagues,

Your love life?

Is there something that goes wrong repeatedly?

What might be the reasons for this?

Be honest with yourself.

In an argument,

What would people say about or to you?

And could there be some truths in that?

Here are a few examples of blind spots that you might relate to,

So answer honestly and remember this is to help yourself become more self-aware and to grow.

Do you listen to hear and really understand another?

Do you prefer to be right over peace?

Do you recognise how your words or behaviour may impact or affect another person?

Are you selfish?

Do you avoid conflict to your own detriment?

Do you give in for a quiet life?

Do you use guilt and manipulation to get your own way?

Do you blame others for what goes wrong in your life?

Do you feel sorry for yourself and have a victim mindset?

Do you settle for anything because you don't feel you are worth more?

Blind spots are not always our negatives.

We are often blind to our own strengths too.

So what do people say about you that you don't receive or you just dismiss?

What do people say you are good at?

What positives do they say about you?

Why is it that you don't take those compliments seriously?

Why can't you accept them?

Why can't you receive them?

To deal with the blind spots in our eyes we have come up with a way to overcome this and that is to guess what our eye is seeing.

This is called filling in.

Your brain decides what is a sensible thing to see.

For example if you were looking at a red background and closed one eye and moved your head,

Your brain would decide that in your blind spots the most sensible choice would be a red background and so it fills in your view with that option.

It's pretty amazing right?

But surely that leaves room for error.

For a wrong filling in.

And what about in our lives?

Do we fill in there?

Do we blame others for why our relationships and friendships regularly fall apart?

Do we fill in with a victim mentality that we get overlooked at work or that our lives just don't change?

Do we blame our genes or shake our head in confusion at the fact that we are overweight or unfit?

Is that where we fill in?

Mindfulness is not just about sitting like a monk trying to zone out your thoughts and drift off into a deep state of relaxation for 20 minutes.

It can be about that.

But mindfulness is also about being fully present with what is.

That means it all.

The good,

The bad and the ugly.

Being mindful,

Self-aware is acknowledging whatever is there.

Being curious about it and also being kind to yourself with it.

So rather than beating yourself up about the things you might have discovered about yourself,

Instead of being in shock and torment or worse still in denial about your blind spots,

Let's take some time now to just be with whatever is there for us and to be kind and compassionate with ourselves.

And know we're not on our own.

Everyone has blind spots.

Keeping your eyes closed if that feels comfortable for you,

Take a minute or two now to acknowledge everything that is there for you.

All the unpleasantness,

Your failings,

Your faults.

Not to self-flagellate only to acknowledge so we can make room for change if necessary.

And also to celebrate your strengths,

Your assets,

Things you might not have attested to previously.

And congratulate yourself on your bravery in going there,

Digging deep,

Seeing truths,

Being prepared to look into the mirror of the self.

Give yourself a pat on the back for all that is good and be gentle with all that is not so good.

Reminding yourself you're not alone and it's all okay.

Goodbye.

You you We are all human That's why it's fine to see the stuff you might not like and be okay with it That doesn't mean leave it be Some of our blind spots really need to change If you want a different result in life then don't keep doing the same stuff I mean be okay with it as in be kind to yourself Remember you are on a journey You're not to the end result right now You are changing,

Growing This self discovery is just an opportunity to help yourself grow a little more healthier If you want to really get to know your blind spots If you are really brave then go to your friends,

Your family,

Your loved ones and ask them Ask them,

Does my breath smell?

Thank you you