Harmony Through Conflict

My name is Kazaya Gibbons.

I'm a meditation teacher here on Insight Timer.

And today's practice is a neuro-linguistic technique to help you gain insight and create shift in conflict situations.

This is an active practice and if you're able and you have the space,

Please follow the instructions and literally step into the positions.

This is powerful because by changing your physiology,

You change your energy,

Which has a knock-on effect on the whole situation.

If you're not currently able or don't have the space,

It's fine to visualize.

We're going to start the practice by finding a mindful and resourceful state.

This allows you to take charge of the conflict situation by taking charge of yourself and bringing strength and flexibility with you.

So start by sitting or standing comfortably and stably.

Make sure that you're supported from your base upwards so that you rise from the ground or from your chair nice and strong.

Notice the sounds that are around you,

Whether they are far away or close by.

It's possible that these sounds will be with us throughout the meditation.

You can let them drift past now,

Present in your reality,

But not the center of your awareness.

And the same goes for any thoughts.

These may come and go,

But you can just allow them to pass you by.

Bringing your attention back to yourself.

Notice your breathing.

Notice your body.

Your posture.

Your body.

Sensations.

Emotions.

Allow anything that's not helpful to go.

And come back to your breathing once again.

Appreciate your breathing from that inner space.

Really feel into that place inside yourself now,

Somewhere deep down,

That honest and true place inside yourself.

And as you go inside,

You're ready to do the work today.

I wonder if you can think of a time when you've been really calm and resourceful.

If you can't immediately think of that time,

Imagine what it would be like to be really calm and resourceful.

Perhaps an image appears in front of you of your calm and resourceful self.

Perhaps you can hear the kinds of things your calm and resourceful self might be saying.

Notice the physiology.

The posture.

The face.

The posture.

The facial expressions of this calm and resourceful self.

And then when you're ready,

Just step into that calm and resourceful self in front of you.

Adopt the physiology.

The posture.

The breathing.

The facial expressions.

Notice when you do this,

The kinds of things that you tell yourself and the thoughts,

Sensations and emotions that are attached.

Allow that to grow for a moment.

And then step out,

Bringing the calm and resourceful self with you.

You're going to bring to mind a conflict that you've been through.

You're going to bring to mind a conflict situation with another person.

This might be a recent situation that you're still carrying with you in some way.

Or a recurrent situation that you repeatedly find yourself in.

I'm going to invite you to think of one instance of that situation.

Now I'm going to ask you to imagine that you're seeing that scene in front of you in the space where you're going to be working today.

So stay where you are in your calm and resourceful self.

And place that other situation that you would like to resolve in front of you.

Notice the scene as an outside observer would.

Notice your own posture and facial expressions.

And those of the other party.

If you didn't know what was happening,

You might have been in a situation where you were not aware of what was happening.

If you didn't know what was happening,

What might you intuit?

You're going to step quickly into the version of you that is participating in the scene.

Do that now.

Adopt the physiology.

The posture and body language.

Facial expressions.

Of the you in the scene.

Do this mindfully.

Just now we are noticing.

Not getting involved in the story attached to the scene.

So notice how that feels in your body.

Notice your energy.

Notice the kinds of things you are telling yourself.

Notice your emotions.

Again we're not tuning into stories here.

We're becoming aware of the experience itself.

So label your emotions if necessary.

But also just notice where they are in your body and what they are like.

As you embody this experience,

Just ask yourself quietly.

What do I need from this situation?

Once you have the full picture,

Step out of the scene.

And shake off any energy that belongs to the scene.

See the scene from outside again.

Noticing how the people are in relation to each other.

Posture.

Body language.

Facial expressions.

Knowing what you now know,

Is there anything that you,

Now,

From your calm and resourceful state,

Can give to the version of you that is in the scene?

Can you help yourself get what you need?

If you have a resource to give,

Step back into the scene now and give it to yourself.

Before stepping away.

And returning to your calm and resourceful observer state.

See the difference.

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You see how there's a secure space,

A secure space for a deserveful home.

You see how there is a sense of belonging and a sense of engagement.

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Facial expressions.

Notice any words which are travelling between them.

Has anything changed now that the version of you in the scene has that extra resource?

How has that affected the second party?

The situation as a whole?

Now you're going to step back into the scene and into the other person.

Do that now.

Adopt their physiology as closely as you can.

Their position.

Their body language.

Their posture.

Breathe as they breathe.

Mould your expression to match theirs.

See yourself through their eyes.

Notice the kind of emotions this person is carrying.

And any thoughts that go with that.

Allow yourself to embody this person's energy for a moment.

And from this place,

Ask what does this person need from the version of me that they meet in the scene?

What does this person need from the version of me that they meet in the scene?

Again,

This is not an intellectual question.

But one to put to your body to feel into from this person's position.

Give yourself a moment for the answer to come.

And then step back out of the situation.

Shaking off any energy that you are immersed in.

And then step back out of the situation.

Shaking off any energy that you are immersed in.

Here,

From your observer position,

Your calm and resourceful self,

Recall what it was that the second person needed.

Something which surprises you.

Take that information and step back into the version of you in the scene.

Step into the physiology.

The posture.

The breathing.

The facial expression.

Allow the information and resources that you have gathered to permeate this other you.

Notice what happens.

Notice any changes in your body.

Your physiology.

Notice any changes in the kinds of thoughts that you're having.

Your body.

Notice any changes in the kinds of thoughts that you're having.

Your facial expression.

Holding the new information and the added resource.

Look at the other person through the eyes of the you in the scene.

Look at the other person through the eyes of the you in the scene.

What's that like?

What's that like?

What are the sensations?

Thoughts and emotions.

What happens?

What happens?

Once again,

Step out of the scene.

Once again,

Step out of the scene.

Shaking off any energy and returning to your calm and resourceful observer state.

Observe the scene Observe the scene now that the version of you who is in that situation now that the version of you who is in that situation has that extra information and resources.

What has changed?

How has the you in the scene changed?

What effect has that had on the other person?

On the situation?

From here in your calm,

Resourceful observer state From here in your calm,

Resourceful observer state take in the scene once again.

Is there anything else that needs to happen now?

If you need to If you need to step back into the scene and make any changes that are necessary You could give one or both of the people in the scene a gift could whisper a piece of wisdom to them or find some other way to give them each what they need allow them to understand each other and promote harmony.

Do this now.

When you're ready When you're ready step back out of the scene and drop back into your calm and resourceful observer state.

Allow the scene to dissolve in front of you If you'd like to If you'd like to you can wave your hands or blow to help dissipate the energy.

Can you think of a time in the future Can you think of a time in the future when you can change your day or your ability to step outside and observe to change your responses to and the outcome of such a situation.

Drop back into yourself as you are now.

Notice your breathing Notice your body Notice any thoughts Notice any thoughts sensations or emotions sensations or emotions Is there anything which you need now before ending this practice If there is invite it in now If there is invite it in now When you're ready you can leave this practice behind and go about your day Thank you for sharing this practice today.