Responses To Loss Or Change (Part 2)

Please check Part 1 before you listen to this. Thank you. In the second of this two-part series, we continue the different reasons and solutions of grief and loss which we can experience in life. To cope with these emotions it is important to understand and see them the way they are. Observe others but also learn how you will respond and what you can expect when you are in that position. We continue about the way it is possible to respond.

Transcript

Responses to loss or chains.

This is part 2.

Please check part 1 before you listen to this part.

In this part we continue the different reasons and solutions of grief and loss which you can experience in life.

To cope with these emotions it is important to understand and see them in the way they are.

Observe others but also learn how you will respond and what you can expect when you are in that position.

Let's continue about the way it is possible to respond.

So now we get to number 7.

It is rigidity or stubbornness.

Those who feel out of control may try to regain control by taking on an attitude of hey this is my way or the highway.

This behaviour is often seen with people in a strong or good position.

Fear is often self-destructive and need to be reduced by giving them,

Handing them,

Showing them historical facts and figures.

With historical proof it is possible to make the approach more flexible and adaptive to others and situations,

Smooth the stiff mind,

Create clarity,

Find evidence,

Compare with other situations but most of all keep moving.

The most important part of the solution is to have flexibility,

To cope with changed situations and stiff positions only destroy what is left over.

Number 8.

Many people develop a selective memory.

Some people may cope by remembering either the best or the worst about an event or people in their life.

They may distort the reality of how the event is happening or what kind of people they were.

They hold on to a created fantasy instead of the reality.

The solution to solving the problem of selective memory is the collection of writing down facts or even older written down facts,

Maybe pictures or movies which will help to reduce the scope of limitation and the selection.

By increasing the range of selection it is possible to break memory barriers and open up the mind again.

Number 9.

Regression Going back to old behaviours or habits it is a well known way of coping with the shock.

Collecting items is often a step seen as a part of this behaviour.

These collections can become extreme and turn out of control.

Products are touchable and easy to understand.

Mental orientation and interest are the main targets here.

It is important to see what items are collected.

Features with memories,

Random products or memorabilia have a specific value for that person or for yourself.

Each item represents a thought,

An expression and altogether a story.

Get the story without the details first.

Ask questions on the ending and not the beginning.

Look from half way and not from the beginning of the story.

Get a definitive end to the story,

Not an open ending.

Depersonalise the story,

Get the person away from it.

Take it away from its own story and ask to put someone else in this place.

Make it a third person observation,

Multi faced observation and not participation.

Reminiscence Dwelling on how things used to be and how they have changed,

Wishing for things to be as they were when they were younger.

This leads to an disattachment to reality.

Everything was better back in the days.

A solution is listening.

Just listening.

The two column list with the first column containing everything of the past and the second in the here and now.

After this select what did improve and what did not.

Compare and draw a positive conclusion.

That is really needed.

So try to use comparisons by facts,

Not by thoughts.

Write down and be clear.

But we also can face moments of number 11,

The rage.

And people feel that they have little control over the present or have regrets about the past.

They may react in anger.

They may slash out at family members,

Sometimes being highly critical of those who are most supportive,

Since they know that these people will love them in spite of their anger.

Emotional channelling is needed,

Otherwise they become dangerous.

These cases are known to escalate in domestic violence.

Living arts are not always the best option,

As you give weapons in the hands of somebody with potential danger.

Active explosive sports or active such as give some samples of para jumping,

Mountain climbing or skiing.

As individuals,

High on hormone levels and energy.

And surely they need aggression control to reduce all these negative effects on the environment but also on the people themselves.

Then there is an important stage and that is why we always have to watch out.

Understand number 12,

The depression and anxiety,

Although it is not something that people easily want to discuss,

There is emotions.

They are very real reactions to loss and uncertainty for anyone at any age.

It is important to help someone to understand that these feelings are normal and there is a need to get help.

If the feelings interfere with everyday living for a longer time than a few days of just feeling sad.

People living in a bad personal environment are easily to fall victim to this.

Often isolation,

As mentioned before,

Is the result of this.

During depression or anxiety most people make bad decisions,

Which again will put them deep into the misery.

It is important to have people around to double check financial and other decision making.

Treatment is best to start with conscious breathing and concentration training.

Get a focus on something else than the problem.

This can be supported by yoga,

Chikung,

Making or watching arts,

Dance,

Nature walking,

Things that need control and at the same time a form of creation,

Creativity.

Then you need some professional help because it depends on the severity and it is very difficult for non-professionals to know how severe is a depression and is it possible to regain it.

When depression is caused by a serious loss of love,

One grief need to be treated first to complete a process.

To understand grief more I would like to introduce you to the stages of grief.

You will be surprised that there is a lot of things that we already discussed about but it is good to have a reminder.

Different people experience grief and loss in different ways.

There is a groundbreaking research on death and dying by Elisabeth Rubler-Ross who identified the stages of grief that are now recognized as normal for any type of loss and change.

The grieving process does not take place in steps but in cycles.

People move in and out of the following stages of their own pace,

Their own speed.

So you have to keep in mind that every time when you encounter it yourself but also with others don't expect a fixed program.

You will encounter all what I will say right now but in a different way and speed every time again.

The first phase is shock.

People are in this stage of grief the individual describes a sense of numbness and not being herself.

She may not believe what she is experiencing loss.

They deny it.

In this stage a person is unwilling or unable to accept loss.

She does not want to talk about the loss and often does not realize that the loss has actually occurred.

Then the emotional releases will come.

During this stage of emotional relief somebody may cry,

Become enraged or overly critical or sarcastic.

In this stage a person usually the behavior and emotion may be really magnified and then come to the already here before depression,

Loneliness and sense of isolation.

In this stage the individual may withdraw sleep more than usual,

Overeat and sometimes don't eat enough at all.

And then we get the physical symptoms a person may experience headaches,

Stomach ailments,

Heartburn sensations,

Fatigue or a general sense of not feeling well at all.

And then suddenly some panic waves comes up.

In this stage a person may feel fear and a lack of control over the situation and the environment.

And then fall down again into the guilt related to that loss.

A person may think that she is the cause of chains of loss.

A person may also experience survivor guilt because she had been spared from death or illness and less deserving than the one who she or he loved and who died or really got sick.

Then you get hostility,

Part of the emotional reaction,

Maybe hostile behavior,

Starting arguments,

Verbal attacks and acting out.

And then the inability to resume activities.

A normal stage of grief is the difficulty of moving on after the loss.

But finally there is some glimpse of hope gradually those who have experienced losses at the beginning to have better days and assume more normal activities.

And finally we get to the acceptance.

In this stage the person is able to accept that the loss has occurred or the chains has happened and the thing will never be the same.

The person begins to live the new life after the chainsaw through the memory of the old life or person who is gone will remain.

Problems happen when a person is stuck and unable to work through the grief or denies that there are problems.

Maybe every person will go through some or all stages as mentioned above at least once in your life.

This is the part of growing up as a personality and a part of the aging process.

The value of the experience is an enrichment of the character,

A disaster to some.

Like a computer can crash it's possible the hard drive is damaged forever.

And it also can be recovered and replaced.

When things take a normal course in life as most time there is a continuation and the progress of aging.

In both podcasts you saw a cycle of emotions which cannot be taken apart but follow us during all of our life.

The core of losing a person,

Grieving and anxiety are the feeling of not being able to rewind the situation,

Change the event and that you have to continue your life with that feeling.

Time cures a big part of suffering.

Time is not your friend in the beginning,

It feels even like an enemy.

But slowly time is like a plaster and cures the most heavy burdens.

But never the scars,

The scars are the sign of life we all need to carry and which makes us human.

I know this is a very heavy topic but also a realist one,

Especially during this time.

We all will encounter it one or more times in our life and should be prepared.

The best way to be prepared is to accept life and death as an equal part and one cannot be without the other.

Our roots are in the death of others and we will give the energy to the next generation.

We are energy and this will never get lost.

In my other podcast I explain you why.

Death is not the end but a passing on to the next dimension,

Another energy level.

Acceptance is all we can give to both life and death.

Often we suffer in the moments of misery.

If you are having any questions or remark after this podcast or need to talk to someone,

You are welcome with me or search for a local counsellor service.

We all walk the same path.

Some have a rocky surface while others seem to walk smooth.

By walking in the shoes of others that's impossible.

But sometimes it's worth to try,

To experience and then learn that you can only make them shine by caring.

Take a deep breath and relax.

We survive and never give up,

Right?

My name is Arnald.

Thank you for listening.

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