Breathe With Forbsie: Exploring Grief

Grief comes to all of us at various points in various ways throughout our lives. It comes will all forms of loss and many times also with change and decisions that we make (when we say yes to something it often means saying no to something else). Unfortunately, many of us were not taught how to navigate grief and we've been doing our best figuring it out on our own. This is an opportunity to come together and explore our relationships with grief, breathe, create some space, see what we're holding onto and try out some ways to begin moving through it.

Recorded live on Insight Timer May 12, 2024
Music by Chris Collins
Photo by Alex Green

Transcript

Morning,

Good afternoon,

Good evening,

Wherever you may be tuning in from,

Welcome to this session of Breathing Forbes-y.

For today's practice,

We're going to work with the breath a little bit and explore our relationship with grief.

It's something we all deal with in various forms throughout our lives.

It might be through death of someone we care about.

It might be through the loss of a job or a relationship.

It might be little,

Seemingly little things,

Decisions where we had to make a choice,

Where we said yes to something,

Which meant we said no to something else.

There are pieces in all of this that sit with us,

That stay with us,

And we're often left to our own devices to figure out how to navigate this.

So I want to give you a couple of things to experiment with to see how they fit for you.

In grief,

Like navigating any other kind of heavier feeling or intense feeling,

My experience,

The first thing we need is to feel safe to feel it.

We need to create that environment and that moment in time where we feel safe to allow things to come up,

To allow expression to come out.

A lot of the time,

We don't have that,

Unfortunately.

In a very individualistic culture,

Growing up in a space where it's like,

Boys don't cry,

Big girls don't cry,

All of these things that are put on us that cause us to hold on to things,

Hold things in,

And it becomes the norm.

It's the normal around us,

And it's tough.

It's a lot to hold on to that stuff.

It's a lot to hold our heads up and stay in that position or presentation when there's a lot weighing on us,

And there's a lot happening that we're not allowed to express in the way that would be most helpful for us.

So I found myself creating those moments,

Creating those opportunities where it is safe,

Where we can create that safety for ourselves,

Whether that is gently alone in the shower,

Alone wrapped in a blanket.

Or maybe you have those four people around you that you can be fully expressive and fully emotional and fully whatever you need to be in the moment with,

And they can hold space for you.

It is beautiful when we have those moments,

We have those people,

And when we can be those people as well.

It's this ongoing practice to increase our capacity to hold space for these things,

For ourselves,

For others,

To come back to community,

Because we're not meant to do this stuff alone,

And we end up in these positions of doing it alone,

And that sucks.

So this is an opportunity to not be alone,

And to know that we're not,

Like,

In grief we're never really alone.

It is a universal experience,

It is something we all,

As I said,

Navigate,

We all have to process in some way or other.

So for this experience today,

I invite you to bring in things that help you feel safe.

So if that's wrapping yourself in a really cozy sweater,

If it's hugging a pillow or a stuffed toy or a blanket,

Find those things,

Bring them into this practice today.

We're going to work a little with the breath,

We're going to work with some movement stuff,

It's going to give you some options to kind of play with,

And then just some time to be with it.

So grabbing any items,

We're going to walk through a couple of the body practices,

The somatic practices,

So you can just get into the moment after,

And you don't have to try and look at me offering stuff.

So one of the simplest things I've found,

And that I've seen in various places,

Is just those little movements in the body.

So simple things can be giving yourself a loving touch,

How does it feel to place your hands on your body,

Give yourself a hug to hold yourself,

To hold the pillow against you,

And just allow the body to rock.

Whether it's forward and back,

Side to side,

Maybe a little bit of a circle,

But welcoming in a little bit of movement,

See how it feels.

See how it can support you.

Another option is to invite motion through the spine with the breath,

So we work at a forward,

Expanding the chest with the inhale,

Coming back and contracting in with the exhale,

Creating this wave-like motion through the upper body,

Moving with the breath.

This can help get things that are being held to the spine,

In the back,

In the chest,

To move,

To shift.

So another piece that we're going to offer is a little bit of tapping,

Just simply tapping on the chest with the fingertips.

A lot of emotion gets held in our chest,

A lot of stuff gets held here.

There's areas that connect with compassion and acceptance,

Trust and love,

Can connect into all of that a little bit and help things move with a simple act of tapping on the body.

So knowing these few options to play with as we sit for a little bit here,

We invite you to set yourself up comfortably in a way that helps your body feel supported and held,

That allows you to feel some sense of safety.

So this could be leaning into a couch,

Lying on the floor,

Lying back in your bed,

Whatever helps you feel that you can soften and open up a little bit,

Allowing that safety to feel and express in this moment,

At least the opportunity for it.

If this is not something you've done before,

It can take a few times to play with this,

To build that sense of safety.

So if you're not feeling 100% safe in this moment,

No,

That's totally okay.

I'm just going to offer up the possibility of safety,

Offer up a little bit of compassion to yourself.

We're going to work with a simple coherent breath.

So this is an equal inhale,

Equal exhale,

Slowing it down in and out through the nose.

So simple,

Gentle breath.

If it's helpful to have a count,

Finding a count that fits for you,

Three,

Four,

Five,

In and the same out.

It's easy flow of breath,

No significant pauses between the inhale and exhale.

So soft,

Gentle flow between the two.

So beginning to invite in that breath,

Invite you to take a moment and check in with your body.

Are there sensations showing up?

Are there things you can do to be a little bit more comfortable?

And I offer the inquiry of where does grief live in your body?

Notice what comes up when you hear that.

Maybe there's a tightening in an area.

Maybe there's a tingling or a heat.

Maybe it's something else you notice.

Where does grief show up in your body in this moment?

Continuing with that slow breath as we connect in with these sensations.

Things get stuck because we hold,

We hold the breath,

We stop flow.

Let's see if you can keep that flow of breath going as you explore and connect with the sensations that are arising.

Can you welcome it in this moment?

Even just a little or the possibility,

You're not ready to fully open,

Body's not ready to fully open,

That's okay.

This is a start of a conversation,

A start of an inquiry and an exploration.

We're not going to solve everything here today.

Just this opportunity to begin to connect,

To begin to feel in small amounts,

Things that are stored,

Grief we've held onto.

Maybe it's really fresh.

Maybe it's really old.

Maybe it's a little bit of everything.

Stay attuned to the sensations in the body,

Keeping that breath going.

Can invite in some of that movement,

Whether it's that wave motion with the breath,

A little bit of rocking,

A little bit of tapping.

See what feels supportive for you in this moment.

What helps keep that safe feeling?

What helps allowing the feelings to arise in little bits that we can handle in this moment?

Grief is one of those things I don't think really ever fully goes away.

And I don't think that's the purpose either or what the goal should be is to make things go away.

Feelings come,

They rise,

They fall,

It comes through us and it's like grief comes because something mattered.

And it can show up in different ways.

It can show up through tears.

It can show up through a tightening in myself.

I often feel a tightening in my throat,

In my chest.

It can show up as flashes of memory that just in moments can overwhelm.

So what we're looking for in these kind of practices and in building this is to not be overwhelmed by it when it comes,

But to be able to sit with it,

To hear it,

To feel it,

Allow it to be what it needs to be and move through us.

Knowing it'll come back around.

And that's okay.

It's all part of this human experience that all of our feelings,

Emotions,

Different states come back around and it's can we meet them all with some compassion and some understanding?

Can we open ourselves to everything in this life?

The things we deem good,

The things we deem bad,

The things we deem easy,

The things we deem hard.

Maybe it's all the same when we just need to let go of the judgment.

Continuing here with the breath,

That easy in and out,

Keep breathing with whatever is showing up for you in this moment.

Allowing any expression that wants to come through,

If you can,

You've got that level of safety,

Beautiful.

Allowing whatever needs to be,

To be sort of rocking,

Sort of tapping,

You're moving with the waves.

Maybe you're doing none of those.

Maybe you're just still not more than welcome to listening to yourself,

Listening to what you need in this moment to navigate the grief that you carry.

Give you a few minutes here,

Music,

Just to be with whatever is in this moment for you here and now.

Staying with that gentle inhale and exhale,

Another minute or two here,

Continuing to offer yourself up,

Some compassion and some care,

Whatever way feels most supportive in this moment.

Being gentle with yourself,

Knowing this is just a piece,

It's a step,

It's a moment,

It's things you can come back to,

These are little practices that we can kind of use anywhere,

Which is nice.

A little bit of a self-hug,

A little bit of a rock,

A simple,

Slow breath,

I invite you to offer yourself a couple of sighs,

So that slow breath into the nose,

And just letting it all go through the mouth,

Making it audible,

Offering some sound expression,

A little bit of a reset,

A little bit of release.

Stay in the comfort,

The safety you've created for as long as you like,

When you're ready to come out of this space,

Taking your time,

Being gentle,

Allowing your natural breath to come back and take over,

Taking a moment to reorient yourself with the space around you,

And some gentle movement,

Stretching back into the body,

And offering yourself some gratitude for showing up,

For showing up for you,

For opening yourself to feeling whatever may have arose today,

To opening yourself to some little practices,

To explore grief,

To be with it,

To welcome it in,

And just to be as it,

With the sensations,

With the emotions,

With yourself,

And to open to the possibility of allowing yourself to just be as you are,

Giving yourself permission to feel what you need to feel,

To express what you need to express,

Knowing that this is a piece of the journey,

It is an ongoing process,

It is an ongoing learning,

It is an ongoing part of life,

And our,

Really our only job here is to live it,

We're here for this life,

To live it,

In all its forms,

Through the moments of joy,

The moments of heartache,

The moments of laughter,

The moments of tears,

To welcome all of this,

As beautiful pieces of this experience,

To offer you all so much love,

Thank you for joining me,

And trusting me to guide you in this,

I hope that these little tricks,

These little tools,

Serve you well,

Today and onward,

Feel free to reach out to me through Insight Timer,

If there's any way I could offer other support for you,

With questions,

Things you want to explore,

I love being part of community,

And connecting with folks,

And exploring life in all its forms,

So,

Wish you a beautiful rest of your day,

Also offer up some gratitude to Chris Collins for the track we listened to,

And I hope that you can carry this safety and this gentleness,

Forward into the rest of your day,

And into this culling leech.