Re-Parenting The Inner Child: In Conversation With Fabienne

Join Fabienne in this conversation about re-parenting the inner child. Fabienne explains what the inner child is, how we re-parent this sweet and tender part of ourselves, and how we connect to the experiences that shaped this part of you.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to In Conversation with me,

Fabienne Sandoval,

Life coach,

Author and speaker.

I talk way too much so I thought I'd put that skill to use by sharing with you this series of conversations designed to expound your awareness and knowledge of becoming secure and empowered in your self-worth.

Meet Sam,

My OBM,

Wingwoman and literal can't live without.

We tried to break up once and it didn't work.

I'll be here to ask the juicy questions and help extract some of these powerful insights from Fabienne.

So let's begin.

So today we're going to be looking at reparenting your inner child.

So this is a really interesting topic I think and I've been really looking forward to this one.

How do you even start looking at reparenting your inner child?

How do you even,

Where do you start from to be honest?

Yeah so it's a really interesting one because I had you know being in like the space that I'm in you know a lot of personal development work and you know this is really like my space right.

So I had done quite a bit of work around inner child and starting to understand what that is and really really looking at that and but it wasn't until I started working with a therapist that was really into inner child work that I really started to realize the benefit of working with someone,

A professional,

Whether that is a therapist or it's a coach that understands like the inner child then being able to help you to like reparent those experiences.

So when we're talking about an inner child because for some people they might be like but what exactly is that?

So the inner child is this really tender,

Sweet,

Emotional part of us.

It can also be like the super brow because if we think of a little child right of course they have a whole range of emotional experiences but if we really think about it they're vulnerable and emotional right like when it comes down to it like what is actually going on.

So this is that part of you okay so we can think back to it of like who what was what was my little me like when I was five,

What was my little me like when I was three,

What was my little me like when I was seven,

What was my little one like when I was ten and so a lot of the a lot of the so really interesting like a lot of conflict that comes up in our romantic relationships usually right it can the reason why we can get caught in some kinds of conflicts is because we're not operating from our adult anymore but we've moved into our inner child and the child is starting to run the show because it's that experience that you know it's absolutely wild of what can be still sitting there but it's that you know for me I always come back to abandonment it's that 10 year old version of me that's just like oh my god daddy don't leave right and so you know I think I've like talked to this in one of my other like um in one of my other interviews that we've done right but it's it's so it is so sweet and so tender like what like how is that how how must that feel like a sweet young girl being like daddy come back you know like that's just like heartbreaking isn't it so if you can imagine if that was the experience when we're 10 what do we do with our experiences when we're 10 do we know how to like process through them do we know how to navigate them guide them well nowadays people are learning much more about this so we're giving you know the future generations the tools to be able to move through them however like in in my time like I didn't know really what to do with that it was just like something you just have to kind of deal with and move on from and then I went into like a lot of therapy and personal work in in order to kind of move through that so this little child is still rummaging around in there somewhere and it's about really getting connected to her or him um noticing what it is that they're feeling and so this usually comes out when like I say maybe it comes out in conflict where maybe it comes out when we don't get what we want and um but it can also be trying to keep you safe it can also be you know through fear it can be through abandonment like there's so many different things because of course like children have so many ranges of experiences and emotion that they're going through so you kind of you you've acknowledged that you that you this inner child and you um kind of it's almost like listening to what your inner child is is saying to you when you come up in these situations you you need to listen to what trying to rephrase that sentence properly for you so I get that you acknowledge your inner child and you have to listen to what they're trying to say to you in these situations is that right?

Yeah so essentially what we're doing like before we start even like the reparenting it's a case of like one knowing that you've gotten in a child and kind of understanding where that might have come you know what experiences in your lifetime might have shaped that little one in you and then it's about realizing that okay that part of you maybe in that moment they didn't have the opportunity to be heard they didn't have the opportunity to be held and so now it's a case of going in and actually like listening to that little one like what is that little part of you saying so a lot of the reparenting part comes from when we are going through an experience actually just kind of wondering like okay and how did this like you know does this have any impact on that little version of me and what were they feeling what are they feeling right now what might that be linked to and then really giving them the opportunity to speak up so for example in the inner child work I did for myself and the reparenting a lot of it was just letting that part of me know that it was safe so for example we're just like letting that part of me that little part of me knowing that she's safe you're okay I'm with you and so when we're talking about reparenting we're not talking about like going back out to your parents and asking them to like do a room tour of that situation no the responsibility is falling with us right just like yeah but it's like okay so like so what were you feeling so like so often like some things that come up quite often when I start at the beginning of like my repairing my inner child and one of the key things was like safety and security just kept coming up for her she was so I want to be safe I want to be safe I want to be safe and so there's a lot to be said of kind of going back into that part of you know it's almost like a very like spiritual um a spiritual heart you are totally safe like I've got you like I'm an adult now and the cool thing with that is we get to do whatever we want um so I'm gonna keep you safe and so it was almost just for me a lot of the reparenting experience is pretty much just around being able to like open up that dialogue with your inner child and really let them have the opportunity to say what they gotta say and so for some people that's you know more easily done through meditations so I have like a meditation on insight timer that you can go into to do you know inner child work and that can be really really helpful for some people for others that might be working with someone that is going to help you you know dig back into and what is that little one saying to you right now what are they experiencing um because like I said we have these different states in ghost states let's call them and you know for the most part we're an adult right we look outside it's raining okay I need a rain mack I need an umbrella I need shoes that are going to keep my feet dry we know that but the inner child the little child for example that child looks outside oh my god let's splash in puddles right and then we have you know the the parent element of us that will be like okay so you need to take this and you need to do this and you need to wear that hat and why are you not wrapped up warm enough right and it's like kind of like that nurturing part so there's these three different pieces that exist in us and it's really important to acknowledge that all of those exist right we we're not just from our adult all of the time where we're just like problem solving and being logical no sometimes like that emotional part is coming up and does need attention and care to be heard and then to be held and that is really you know the inner child and the more that we get used to just feeling into that part of us and letting that part be heard it almost like in a sense I want to say like it almost like goes away because art knows that they're safe and that the need whatever need it was that they didn't get met in childhood you're now able to give to them right and we kind of just pipe down and they're not running the show anymore um Susan Anderson talks about when your inner child becomes an outer child so it's like when you're this thing you know we always talk about it like the inner child right but it sometimes then becomes the outer where it's like running the show quite literally you know and I'm sure we've all experienced that where we're like wow that person was behaving really child you know really childlike yeah being a child coming out seeing the child being an outer child.

So you've spoken about ways of opening a dialogue with your inner child and you said about meditation is there other things that you can do I mean is it is journaling something that is helpful with this as well?

Absolutely yeah you know I'm a big fan of journaling and so journaling can be really really helpful so working with different kinds of prompts so journaling prompts for the inner child being able to work with those and kind of speak to those I do have inner child work in some of the courses that I have here live on insight timer so taking a peek at those and being able to kind of go back over those inner child days to do inner child healing is really powerful as well but definitely meditation is a great one um for being able to kind of get in there and really listen to that little one journaling is also super powerful as well.

It feels like the kind of reparenting your inner child isn't something that you just do and then that's it you're healed it feels like it's quite an open-ended that you will continue to talk to your inner child and depending on the experiences that you're coming up against is that a fair thing to say?

Definitely definitely like I said like you your inner child will quieten down a whole lot and for a lot of people that they won't even realize that that was their inner child in the first place but when you do the inner child work and they become you know you reparent them and you let them know that they're important and they're valuable and what they're feeling is valid and all of that kind of really great stuff they get really quiet um so like I said you know I did um I've done a lot of inner child work in my time but then there was a point by which things just become more quiet because it was my adult running the show that inner child wasn't running the show because they knew that they were safe and that they knew that they were cared for and I'm not saying they'll never pop up again I'm not saying oh that's it checkbox done because a lot of this stuff that we're talking about here is it's not a checkbox right it's like an ongoing process where we're just evaluating day to day week to week month to month like what's coming up for me what is my like kind of highest priority however for you know we've talked about um emotional capacity working with that in a child is going to be really great for the emotional capacity because of course if we've got a little one inside that's kind of running running rampant we do want to tame them we do want to you know give them an opportunity to be heard but we do want to also be able to tame them so that they're not you know becoming this out a child that's running the show all the time so that we can operate more from our adult and I guess as well you know keeping in tune with that inner child it's just gonna give you more sense of self isn't it like you're saying and and more kind of confidence in your emotional connections in your work connections just in life in general that's how I feel reparenting you're in a child that's what it's going to do for you yeah because the chances are you're not going to be triggered by like really small things anymore right like you're going to start to move beyond those things that feel triggering for you that come up for you that can kind of throw you off balance and off course so it's like almost like you're emptying the cup you know whatever was in there well that's great I mean it's such an interesting topic and one that I really really love and I want to go and I will go and read more about but as from an Insight Timer point of view you've touched briefly that there in most of your courses your coaching you do work with the inner child is there any other anything else within the Insight Timer platform that you have that people could look at if they wanted to learn more yeah so I would definitely say one of the things with taking care of your inner child it also is linked heavily to your self-worth so I definitely say if you are aware that you've had you know some sense of abandonment I definitely say take a peek over my abandonment wound course that's also going to be really helpful and I think the final one I probably say is looking at boundaries as well because that's really important if we're going to be reparenting our inner child right learning how to say no how to say yes why we need to set limits all of that kind of good stuff and of course like as you know we've talked about there is more coming on these topics like we have a whole schedule planned out so there will be something dedicated more specifically to reparenting the inner child it's just not live at this moment in time so it's a very much watch this space it's coming absolutely watch this space can't wait thank you so much again Fabienne it's just always a pleasure to talk to you and I learn so much every time we chat and I always go on out and find out more information after we've spoken so thank you again thank you it was a pleasure

Reviews

Content was great. There were a couple of audio glitches that I found interrupted the flow a bit. However, the ideas being conveyed are significant and I am reflecting on their meaning for me. I will be sharing this with people that I know would benefit from understanding this concept and look forward to listening to your other tracks. Thank you Fabienne.