Healing After Heartbreak Interview

Tune into Fabienne's first interview on heartbreak! Listen as Kris Delgado from the Embodying Greatness podcast interviews Fabienne, as they chat about how to get to the other side of heartbreak. We discuss the pain and grief, moving beyond the heartbreak, and how you know when you're ready to love again.

Transcript

Welcome to the Embodying Greatness podcast.

I am Chris Delgado,

Transformational trainer,

Educator,

And worthiness coach.

And you have found the place to be for getting real tips,

Tools,

And strategies that inspire and empower you to rise up to the frequency of transformation while you step into your self-worth and self-value.

And I want to personally invite you to listen to my no BS approach on how to embody your greatness by taking the self-love journey together.

Hello,

Hello,

What is up?

Welcome to the Embodying Greatness podcast.

My name is Chris Delgado.

And in this week's episode,

We actually have our very first returning guest who,

And her name is Fabianne Sandoval.

So much has happened since the last time you were on this podcast.

So I want to say thank you for coming back and having another conversation with me.

She is an international self-worth coach.

She's an author.

And she's just about to launch another workshop called Healing After Heartbreak.

So Fabianne,

Thank you for being here.

How are you?

Oh,

I'm so one,

I'm so happy to be here.

And two,

I'm doing so good.

Thank you.

It's so nice to be back.

I love it.

We've been waiting for weeks and weeks to sync up our schedule.

So it was definitely worth it.

You look fabulous,

By the way.

I'm so excited that you're here.

Thank you so much.

Yeah,

We had to wait for the stars to align.

We were just talking.

Yes,

It's so worth it.

We've,

You know,

Already,

We should have hit record 40 minutes ago,

But we didn't.

But we're going to talk about all of the things I want to jump right in.

And since you've been here,

You launched your second book.

So let's talk about that.

And you have another workshop coming out,

Healing After Heartbreak,

Which I'm really interested in hearing all about that too.

So when did the book come out?

Okay,

So the book was long overdue,

In my opinion.

The book was launched in February of this year,

2022.

Interestingly,

Though,

This is something I had gone through.

So it's my journey of learning how to love,

Essentially.

And so the book is called The Age of Love.

And so it's about me taking my 30th birthday,

My 30th year to really dedicate myself to the practice of love,

And to just really understand it.

I mean,

Initially,

I was coming to it from a very like ego place.

Like,

I want to find a man,

I want to be in love.

Like,

This is the intention.

And like I had a pretty big intention,

Which when people read the book,

They're like,

Oh my god,

You were like,

I was like,

I'm manifesting a husband,

Basically.

I want to be engaged by the end of this year.

Like,

This is what I really wanted to do.

And through the journey,

I suddenly very quickly realized like,

Okay,

This is not how love works.

And actually,

There's a lot of work for me to do on myself in this love space.

And the reason why I hadn't had anything successful when it comes to love is really quite frankly,

Because I was putting a lot of my energy and attention onto things external to love.

Like,

I wasn't giving that area of my life,

My relationships,

I wasn't giving that area of my life,

Like the fullest attention.

So of course,

It's going to be the area that's doing the least well.

As a coach,

I love helping people with their goals and their dreams.

And it's like,

Until that comes on to the at the forefront of your life,

You're like,

This is important.

It's just going to kind of go however it's going.

And I think I was playing out a lot of old patterns before and things like that.

And so really realizing what they were,

How they were affecting me.

And then yeah,

Essentially just writing my story.

So the book came out this year,

Which is crazy,

Because it's like four years on from that time.

So it felt very,

It felt very interesting for me because it was almost like,

This is such a long time ago,

But it took so long to get the book where I wanted it to be.

And then to eventually just like,

Go,

Okay,

I surrender book,

Like you can go out there.

So that's really cool.

And then the second part,

I guess,

Which is kind of interesting,

That we follow the learning or the learning how to love or the age of love with this heartbreak course.

Because indeed,

I did,

I did discover love through that.

But the reality of it is,

Is that,

You know,

Not all relationships last a lifetime,

Not all relationships last forever,

You know,

We can have,

As she says,

We can have tons of love stories,

But there's only really a few people that you can have a life story with.

I think that that's such a beautiful way of putting it.

And so yes,

Indeed,

I had a love story.

I've not yet found my life story yet,

Which I'm still looking for.

And then the the heartbreak course really comes down to just realizing there's not really enough information out there when you go through heartbreak.

And with me,

I spent many an hour googling like,

Will we get back together?

Can you overcome it?

Can you do this?

What about that?

I think that there's just there's tons of stuff written about it,

But there wasn't really anything out there.

And since I'm a teacher on Insight Timer,

And I love the way that they structure their little courses,

It's like,

What better than to do a seven-day course and to just guide people through those first seven days that are the most brutal when you're in a heartbreak.

Like,

What am I doing with myself?

Your attachment style is like,

On red alert.

You can't sleep,

You can't eat,

You don't know what you're doing with yourself.

So just kind of breaking down like,

Okay,

This is what you're going to be going through when you are experiencing heartbreak and really getting people to get to not necessarily in the seven days,

But in the process of following that course,

Getting them to that blow up,

That transformation.

Because essentially,

Whenever we go through heartbreak,

We become a totally different person.

The same way when we go through love,

We become a totally different person as well.

I mean,

So there's so much to even talk about on this subject.

And I love it.

And I think it's so relatable because I don't know a single human being on this planet that has not had their heart broken and has gone through that.

I know I was married and I went through a divorce and same thing,

You know,

After the relationship,

Even though I knew it was the best thing for everyone involved was to no longer continue that relationship.

I'm still Googling and YouTubing how to get over heartbreak or what to do to feel better and all of those late night YouTube spirals.

So,

I totally relate to that.

And I think one of the things that got me through some of those times was having that permission or even if it's an unsaid permission,

Or knowing that other people have gone through it and it's okay and you're going to get through it,

Give yourself grace,

Give yourself compassion,

Because what you're feeling is 100% okay and natural that you're feeling that.

So,

I'm sure that was some of the inspiration for behind why you're doing the workshop.

So,

I think it's 100% relatable.

It's exciting.

Thank you.

Yeah.

And actually,

This is the first time I'm talking about it.

I guess I've kept it under wraps because I have been going through my own personal heartbreak.

And so,

You know,

I think one of the really cool things that I love is that like a lot of the time when I'm creating my art,

Which is usually through writing,

It comes from my most painful moments from grief,

It comes from that.

It could also come from love,

Of course,

As well.

But it's just interesting how,

Yeah,

For me,

There was a lot of my own processing and navigating and figuring things out.

And I haven't really had this conversation yet.

So I'm actually really excited to be able to have it and to know that I've moved through that and to be able to just share with people like,

Well,

What was it that helped me?

And I think one of the biggest things that I can recommend for people,

Which is definitely in the course,

There's a whole piece around it,

But surrender,

Just surrendering to the what is,

You know,

There's when you're going through that,

We can think of,

You know,

100 ways to Google the question,

We can think in our minds,

100 ways to make things different.

But the reality of it is,

For whatever reason,

You're no longer with that person.

And that's just where you're at.

And there's nothing we can do about that.

But if we can surrender to it,

I feel like the surrendering is really that grace.

It's that kind of compassion that you're giving to yourself and saying,

Okay,

Well,

There's not really anything I can do.

This is kind of outside of my control right now.

So I'll just surrender to the what is.

It becomes a softer way,

At least for me,

I felt that every time like I felt anxious or worried or upset,

I would be like,

You know,

Fab,

You just have to surrender.

This is where you're at right now.

And there's there is only one way to go through it,

Which is to just do it and keep waking up every day and keep moving through the process.

And also allowing yourself to have your emotions.

I think so many people want to just repress the pain,

Avoid it,

Act like it's not happening,

But the best thing you can do.

And I think for me,

It's so interesting in this heartbreak,

I feel like I actually navigated and processed every other heartbreak I've ever had,

Because I've worked really intensely with therapists.

And so we just.

.

.

I just went through all of the grieving things I ever had to grieve in my life through this one heartbreak,

Which was really crazy.

It made me realize the importance of like,

If you really give yourself over to those emotions,

Oh my god,

The person you become after that is so clear.

Your vessel is so clear and you just like,

You don't have that pain inside anymore.

It's just really.

.

.

It's really wild to think you could be in so much pain and then it's released like it's gone.

It's wild when you're saying that.

And I hope that the listeners are resonating with this.

I know for me that the divorce happened years ago.

And even listening to you,

I'm having little flashbacks of.

.

.

That was,

I think,

One of my biggest lessons for that.

I don't even know if it was a lesson per se,

But I was consciously aware throughout the whole thing like I said,

Even though it was very clear that this is not where I want to be anymore,

Grieving the relationships over and giving myself a break.

Knowing that even though I have work to do and I'm traveling and I'm still gonna go see my friends and I'm still gonna be a mom and I'm still gonna be a trainer and I'm still gonna be all of those things and letting the waves of emotion come and surrendering to them.

If I want to cry right now,

I'm gonna allow myself to cry.

If I want to stay in bed half the day and eat ice cream,

I'm gonna do that and I'm not gonna judge myself and I know that I'm gonna get over this and I know next week will be better.

And if it's not,

Then the week after that is gonna be better.

So,

There was such a freedom in the acceptance and the surrender that you were talking about for me as well.

And I think the biggest support was consciously knowing that throughout every step,

Which when I was younger and I was experiencing heartbreak,

I didn't have the emotional fortitude to know that or go through that or accept it on a level that I did now that I'm older,

Although that was still a couple of years ago.

So,

I love that.

I love that you're bringing that up.

Once you went through all of that and the intensity of clearing out all of that space,

Then the question becomes what do you do or how do you know when it's time to open your heart again or if you consciously are doing that or you just wait until it naturally happens?

What's your take on that?

Oh,

That's such a good question.

Oh,

Chris!

That really made me think.

Okay,

So I guess I have like two ways of coming to this because this is what I do with my clients,

Helping them to navigate through love.

And the work that I do is around helping people to become more secure.

So,

We look at attachment styles,

Which I think we talked about a little bit in our last podcast together.

But knowing what attachment style you are and then really looking to seek out relationships that are secure,

Etc.

So I think when you've been through heartbreak,

For me,

I think the most important thing is that you are clear.

You do know that you've done your griefing.

Grief is a funny thing though because although you may have moved through the majority of it,

It still comes back.

And I think it comes back also once you come into your next relationship beyond that one.

You can have these little moments of grief popping up there and thereabouts.

And I don't think that means that you're not over the past relationship.

I think it just means that that's only natural because I really,

Really truly believe that if we've had any kind of relationship trauma or problems or whatever it is,

That's only going to be healed in relationship.

Only you can move through that with another person.

So I think it's natural that that starts to come back up again when you maybe meet someone new and start to navigate it.

You start to feel fears or feel concerns or worries and things like that.

Or you don't trust stuff.

You're questioning things.

I think to answer your question,

I think it's really about one,

I would always just be an advocate of doing the work,

Doing the processing work.

So when you feel that you've got to a place where you've done the processing work,

I don't think you can put a time limit on that.

That is going to be unique to each and every single person.

Once you feel you've done the majority of the processing,

For me,

I just knew I'd done it.

Me and my therapist,

We just sat there and she was just like,

You've done it kind of thing.

And I was like,

I've done it.

I've done it.

It's what Joy feels like.

Oh my god,

This is what Joy feels like.

I was like crying because I finally knew what Joy felt like.

Standing on my own two feet and being myself and being with myself and working through all of the pain and then just being incredibly overjoyed that that part of my life was now done.

And there was a very specific feeling.

So I think that if you really do the work around the healing of the heartbreak,

You will get to that moment.

And I think that is then the moment that you can go back out.

And I guess it depends on one of two things.

So for me,

I've spent much of my life actually being avoidant to relationships despite the fact that I very much wanted them.

So I had like fears of commitment and things like that,

Which I had no idea about until I did that kind of love challenge and realized,

Oh,

That's why my 20s I didn't spend so much time in relationships.

I was scared of them.

So if that's the camp that you've been in where you've been avoiding relationships,

Then I really recommend,

Well,

Go back out there and get in them again.

Start exploring again because that's something that you need.

There's people on the other side of the camp where I've had clients,

Friends,

Etc.

But they've just never ever spent any time ever on their own.

They've never gone through a relationship and then had more than 5 minutes to themselves.

So I think the question is,

Which camp are you sitting in?

For me,

It's like,

I'd spent so much time.

I know who I am on my own.

That takes me 5 minutes out of a relationship.

It takes me 5 minutes to get back to myself.

But for someone who spent all their time in relationships and doesn't know who they are,

Then yeah,

Maybe not going back out there,

Not dating yet and just really getting to know yourself and figuring out who you are and what it is you want before you start dating essentially.

And I think for anyone,

The most important thing is,

What do I want?

If I'm going to go out there today,

What am I doing it for?

Am I just going to just date and just have fun and explore?

Am I going to get into another relationship?

If so,

What are the dynamics of that relationship?

What are the qualities I want from that person?

So doing a little bit of prep work before you actually put yourself out there,

I think is important as well.

I love all of the points that you're making.

So trusting your instincts and trusting that there's going to be a knowingness from within you.

And then once you're experiencing that is basically you're giving yourself that little sign of like,

I think I'm ready.

And even if you're not ready,

Like you're saying,

Also then you can be ready to go and date and have fun and get out,

Which doesn't necessarily mean that it has to lead to jumping into another relationship.

So I love that you're bringing that up that if you do want to get back out there,

Get really clear on your intention and why you want to go out in the first place and then I'm going to recommend then also transparency as well.

If you are starting to date,

Going back to the conversation of having some grief come up,

Having some emotions come up if you are in a new dating situation and being able to communicate that with the person that you're dating on some level because it is human.

We're humans,

We're feelings driven people.

So of course,

It makes sense that you might have feelings come up if you're in a situation and all of that's so normal.

Going to a restaurant that maybe you and your ex went to or first time you're going to go on a vacation and it's in the same state or it's the first time you're out of the country with this new person or you're going to have all of those things as an adult,

You're going to have those things.

So being able to know that it's okay that those feelings are coming up and it's okay to communicate those is probably welcomed to communicate that and be transparent with the other person.

So you're building something together and you're not feeling like you have to go through it alone almost.

Does that make sense?

100%.

Yeah.

And I think I'm really big on transparency.

I think it's super important to let people know where you're at,

What you're looking for.

If you start dating,

I see this a lot as well with clients.

You can think that you're,

I think I'm going to have this kind of relationship.

And then you meet someone and you're like,

No,

This is not going to be someone that I want to father my children,

For example.

But I believe I can learn a lot from this person.

And so I'm willing to change my longer term goal of wanting someone that's going to be a father of my children because I believe there's something to be learned here in this relationship.

And I think that that's okay too,

That we have that kind of flexibility with ourselves,

Especially coming out of a longer term relationship or a more significant relationship to be open to what comes because that is essentially what love is.

It's like,

We don't know how it's going to turn up or in my experience,

You never know how it's going to turn up.

It usually always surprises you and it's always in the least most expected place.

And you're just doing your own thing and then suddenly it kind of just creeps up and you're like,

Whoa,

Okay,

Is this love?

What's going on here?

It's funny how that happens.

That's such a typical way to explain it or like a movie moments of like,

The moment you're not looking is the moment you find it and all of that.

But it's so true.

It's almost comical because we hear it over and over and over.

But then it actually happens.

It happens to me too.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Oh,

This is suddenly in my space.

Oh,

Wait.

I'm here for this.

I was not expecting it,

But it's here.

And so I'm a yes to this.

Yeah,

Exactly.

And yeah,

I think that's the thing.

Like post heartbreak,

It's just the opening.

One of the things that I did,

Which I think was really important for me,

And I think for really anyone that comes out of heartbreak,

You know what,

Just start saying,

Once you start feeling more yourself,

Because in the initial phase,

You're just not feeling yourself.

You want to just hide under the covers,

You want to hibernate,

You do not want to see anyone.

Once you get past some of that really early stage,

Like grieving,

You know,

Just start saying yes to things.

And I think for me,

That was like one of my biggest kind of openings of my heart.

I felt like,

You know,

I've been shattered into 1000 pieces.

It felt so fragile and so vulnerable and so closed.

I was like,

Oh my god,

I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to do this again.

And that's coming from me who like age four,

My favorite TV show was about love.

I love love,

Like I just really do.

And so I'm always like a big believer that love is possible.

I said,

Oh god,

I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to do this again.

And I think that just starting to say,

Do you know what,

I'm just going to open myself up.

You know,

Because when you open your heart,

You're not just opening to just like romance,

You'll be opening up to life to things to experience.

For me,

My goodness,

Like I may I start to make so many incredible friends,

I started to just do things that I'd always wanted to do,

I started to just,

I didn't know where it was going to lead me or any any of any of what I was doing,

But I just started saying yes.

And it became an adventure.

And I think that that's really one of the gifts that you can give yourself as well when you're in that space,

Like,

Oh,

Great,

Let me just start saying yes to things and see what happens.

Beautiful.

I mean,

That's great advice for every situation.

I always wholeheartedly believe that this yes is going to lead to the next yes.

And then you never know where that's going to lead,

Which is awesome.

And it's going to present so many opportunities that you can't even fathom,

You know,

So I love that.

What a great conversation.

I love this conversation.

It really is.

I am so glad that you are my first return desk because I met like,

Again,

I know that we can just keep talking and talking and talking.

Let's have us end like this.

If you're listening to this podcast,

And you're enjoying it as much as we're enjoying it,

Tell my community how they can become your community and what you're up to and where they can find you because you're just an amazing woman and my audience gets to hear more from you.

Chris,

Thank you so much.

Yeah,

It's been such a pleasure.

So if you want to find out about the course,

It's not yet released,

But it's coming out soon.

So go ahead and check me out on Insight Timer.

I'm a teacher over there and I have a ton of different stuff.

So you can find most of my work on there.

You can also check me out on my website if you want to get in touch directly,

Fabienne Sandoval.

Com.

So just my name.

Com.

And also I'm on Instagram.

So go ahead and find me there.

Fabienne Sandoval is my tag.

I will love to hear from you guys and hear your stories about Heartbreak and open that conversation up.

Beautiful.

I love it.

I will put all of your information in the notes so people can find you.

And again,

If you're listening,

Go follow her.

She's amazing.

I get your newsletters.

I follow you.

I listen to your Insight Timers as well.

So anything that I can do to support you,

Let me know.

I just absolutely love having conversations with like-minded women like you.

It's so powerful.

So thank you for taking some time this morning.

And again,

I know that you're super busy and our schedules finally synced up.

So thank you for taking time this morning to do this with me.

Thank you so much.

And I'm so glad that the stars aligned and we finally got here.

And it's been such a pleasure.

And I'm so excited that I'm the first returning guest.

Yes,

I said this before to you and I'm going to remind you because it just popped up again.

Not only are you my first returning guest,

But there's some collab work in the future that I'm sensing.

So we get to figure that out.

I definitely agree on that front.

Awesome.

Awesome.

Okay.

So listen,

If you like this episode,

Please share it,

Share it on your Instagram stories,

Tag us and let's spread this stuff.

The only way that these podcasts and stuff get shared or gets put out in the world is if you will share them.

So please share them.

And I'm going to leave you with this.

Like I do every episode and remember that you are in charge of your happiness.

So go out and create something amazing today just because you say so.