Living With The Unknown

Not knowing is an integral part of life, we are always walking the edge of the mystery. Our minds deny this truth, as it relies on past memory and experience to perceive this present moment, make choices and understand reality. This is a contemplation into the unknown and ways to meet it with grace.

Please note: This track was recorded live and may contain background noises.

Transcript

So just take a moment to close the eyes and connect your right palm to your belly and your left palm to your heart.

Good,

And as your eyes close allow yourself to gently breathe in and out of your belly and your chest and just ground yourself in your breath and in this moment.

Good,

And then take a deep full breath into your belly and breathe out.

Good,

And do that one more time.

And breathe out.

Good,

Now breathe into your heart.

And exhale.

And allow yourself to open your heart one more breath.

And breathe out.

Good,

And then gently open up the eyes.

Release those hands down.

And allow yourself to receive this talk in the ways that you can.

I'm going to touch on some very deep topics.

So stay grounded to your body and your breath and allow yourself to take what serves you in this moment.

Okay,

So when we're coming to the unknown.

I'm going to explain my understanding of this first from my own contemplations,

Understanding of spirituality,

My years of meditating and witnessing life.

So we're going to talk about the mind first.

That's only one part of your being.

It's only one part of your experience is your mind and how the mind meets the unknown.

Okay,

So think about us.

We're on this planet flying through space,

Through the stars.

We're on this green and blue glow as these mystical beings walking around.

And life is incredibly mysterious.

It's incredibly vast and it's incredibly large,

The entire universe,

Right?

But our mind does not experience it that way.

Not all the time,

Unless we're in a contemplation about it.

So instead,

The mind goes through a denial system or kind of a like dismissive system to not think about the fact that life is this big,

Fast,

Mysterious experience.

And it locks in every day and every moment on a very finite reality.

And this is what allows us to live out our daily life experience.

So the mind lives in this assumption of permanence,

In this assumption of certainty,

And in this assumption that all that is,

Is right in front of us in this moment.

So when you're using your five senses and you're doing something in your daily life or you're talking to somebody,

Your mind is not thinking about the fact that you're flying through space in this huge connected globe of mysterious existence.

You're just in that moment with the thing you're doing and with the person and with that experience.

And the mind collapses into that finite.

So you're able to live out the storyline of your life,

Your day to day life.

Now for this to happen,

The mind needs to create a level of perceived permanence or certainty.

So it needs to assume that tomorrow,

Your house is going to be where it is,

The food's going to be where it is,

Your clothes are going to be where they are,

And the relationships that you have in your life are going to be there tomorrow.

Right?

Because that's how it allows itself to think about the future,

To dream,

And it gives it a level of expectation on this level of perceived permanence so you know what's happening and you can live out your daily life.

So this is necessary that the mind believes in this illusion of knowing,

This illusion of certainty,

This illusion of,

Yes,

Things are going to stay the same.

So you are able to understand,

Make choices and perceive your reality in each moment.

If the mind did not do this,

You would in any moment be completely met with the knowing that anything could happen.

Right?

That your house could burn down in this moment,

That your clothes could not be there,

That your fridge would not be full of food,

That people in your life would pass away.

And then what happens?

Then the mind freaks out because it doesn't know how to operate within the world with that sort of change.

But the truth is,

All of that can happen.

And you know that on a deeper level.

It's probably a deep sense within you that you know anything can happen.

Any change is possible in any moment.

But it's not something that's entertained with the mind because it doesn't have capacity for that.

If you were in that space all the time,

Like,

Wow,

Like,

This is a mystery and this moment is so,

You know,

Vast and incredible and mysterious and anything can happen.

Like,

It'd be very hard to function through your day.

Right?

Because you'd be so in the infinite that like this finite experience,

You'd be like,

Oh,

Yeah,

What am I doing?

Oh,

Yeah,

I need to feed myself.

Oh,

Yeah,

Yeah,

Yeah.

So we need to understand that there is a purpose to the fact that we deny the unknown,

That we deny the mystery,

And that we live out this very finite existence.

And it's perpetuated by the society and potentially by relationships in your life,

Because that's all that's focused on.

That's all that's talked about.

So if you don't have the experience or the connection to the spiritual space,

Then you could possibly have gone your whole life or most of your life only focused on the finite.

And that makes the unknown and the mystery extra,

Extra scary because it's something that's never even been contemplated or met.

And then that small voice inside you that goes,

Oh,

Gosh,

It could all disappear.

Just you don't know what to do with it.

And you go into the state of like paranoia or freaking out.

Right.

Because that's how the mind reacts to it,

Because it doesn't know what to do with it.

It's too small to deal with the infinite.

OK,

So that is the purpose of that.

So we collapse the infinite into the finite so we can live out our lives.

Now,

What is happening when the unknown comes into our life is this.

So we have a sort of expectation and dream,

An idea of what the next month is going to look like,

What the next two months are going to look like.

We have an idea of like what type of job we're going to have or not have,

Who's going to be in our life,

You know,

What we're going to be doing,

What we want to be doing.

And then when the external world,

Like it's happening right now,

Is like,

Oh,

JK,

That's not happening.

Oh,

And it's pulling apart your models of reality.

It's completely breaking them down without any of your choice,

Without any of your conscious wanting.

Right.

It's just happening.

So what the mind is doing is it's going into this state of freak out because its system that it relies on for you to operate within the world is being proven that it is not actually as permanent as it thinks it is and is not actually as reliable as your mind wants it to be.

Right,

The mind wants it to be reliable,

But it's not.

And so in this moment with uncertainty and with the unknown and with the world breaking apart your models of dreams and expectations of reality,

You are actually the closest that you've ever been to the truth of your existence.

Spiritually speaking,

That's a very spiritual talk I'm talking about here.

You are the closest to the truth of your existence.

And it may feel like an emptiness.

It may feel like a,

I don't know,

Like there's a space,

You know,

But it doesn't feel like calm.

It might feel like a little bit paranoia because your mind is,

You know,

Dying and releasing its models and expectations and dreams.

So that's possible.

But understand that you are closest now in the uncertainty and the unknown to the truth that's always been there.

It's always been there.

So in spiritually speaking,

Nothing has actually changed.

It's always been unknown and the mystery.

And if you haven't felt it before,

It's because your models have been,

You know,

Been made true again and again,

Again.

So you've learned to rely on your mind and what you think is going to happen.

So we're being met with the truth of existence right now,

That in this moment,

The mystery is inherent and we actually don't know.

And we're being met with the possible idea that we may have not wanted to think about before,

That our mind is not actually 100% reliable.

And it's not,

And reality is not 100% permanent.

Right?

Like we know this on a deep level,

But we may not have consciously brought it to our awareness because the mind has been in such a deep denial system.

Okay,

So let's bring this into even deeper.

So where is this denial system of the unknown and uncertainty rooted in?

It's rooted in the fear of death.

Okay?

It's rooted in the fear of death.

Because death is the ultimate unknown.

It's the ultimate uncertainty.

It's the ultimate uncertainty.

Nothing is more uncertain or unknown than death.

Right?

Like there's uncertainty and unknown in many different aspects of your daily lives,

Different events,

What's going to happen or not happen,

Jobs,

Relationships,

You know,

Dreams,

What you're planning.

But death is the ultimate uncertainty.

It's the ultimate unknown.

And so what you're experiencing in this moment,

When the world and the universe is showing you the truth of impermanence,

And the truth that you cannot actually fully rely on the models of your mind,

Is you're actually getting a glimpse,

A taste,

A feeling of your fear of death.

It's at the surface right now.

Now you may not be experiencing it fully,

But you're getting a taste of it and it's probably freaking you out.

Because it's been freaking me out too,

Because I'm still working with the fear of death.

It's probably the deepest fear that we live with,

And is the deepest fear that leads to all other fears that we have in life.

Because it's the fear of impermanence,

And it's the fear of we have no control.

Right?

Death is the ultimate surrender.

It's the ultimate surrender,

And it's the ultimate entry into the unknown.

Okay?

So,

Spiritually speaking,

This is a huge opportunity.

This is a huge opportunity to meet your deepest fear,

Thanks for the hearts loves,

Of death.

And to play with it.

Like,

You don't have to go dive in right in,

But you can probably start to open your mind to death,

And to impermanence,

In a way that you probably never have before.

Because it's been almost too far-fetched,

Or your mind is like in too much attachment to the models in its systems,

That it just didn't have space to contemplate it before.

But now maybe you're contemplating it,

Because maybe people in your life are passing away,

Or you're worried about your own death.

Right?

And so,

Yes,

We have death of the unknown in jobs,

Relationships,

And the movie of life.

There's unknown.

Right?

And that's unknown.

But the deepest unknown is the fear of death.

Okay?

And so,

When we come into this space,

This has been something that I've been working with in my practice,

And one of my deepest contemplations lately,

Has been thinking about this.

So,

Your mind does not have space for death.

It does not contemplate death.

It does not want to go there.

It's terrified of it,

Because your mind is the system that continues the storyline of your life.

It continues the time,

You know,

The linear time,

The day in,

The day out,

The activities,

What's going to happen next.

It's always looking into the past for memory to make decisions for what's going to happen in the future.

So,

It's never here in this moment.

You can witness the mind in this moment,

But how the mind works is not meeting this moment.

So,

Death comes as a surprise to the mind.

It's like,

What?

What?

You know,

When someone in your life dies or something,

It's like,

What?

Because your models just get shaken apart,

And you're like,

What?

I didn't plan for this.

I didn't know about this.

How is my dreams going to be met?

How is my expectations going to be met?

How is my ideas of what I wanted for this relationship or this person going to be met?

Because now they're not here anymore.

Oh my God.

And then you freak out,

And your body freaks out,

And you get met in that moment with the fact that you have been disconnected from the impermanence of life.

And also,

What you're dealing with here is the middle ground.

So,

What death does,

And this is not fully death,

Yes,

When you leave your body,

And when people around you leave their bodies,

But also death in your expectations and your dreams and what you thought was going to happen,

And it's like constantly not happening.

What this is doing is it's breaking apart in the middle your models of your mind.

So,

Death happens in the middle of the storyline,

Right?

Like,

When you think about your life,

And when you plan for your life,

You don't,

At least my mind doesn't work this way.

I don't believe your mind works this way.

It doesn't like create a whole story for your whole life,

And then it has like your death moment planned.

And with total acceptance,

You know,

Like,

I'm going to live to this age,

And then this is going to happen,

And who knows,

And then I'm going to die,

And that's going to be the end,

And I'm content with it.

You know,

The mind is like constant.

It's like the storyline is constant,

Constant,

Constant,

Constant,

And then it gets so far into the future that it just kind of leaves it,

And thinks,

Oh,

You know,

Like,

We'll plan more when the future comes,

But it keeps going.

Like,

The mind is like,

And it doesn't create an end.

But death creates an end.

Or the plans falling apart,

Or things going differently,

Or not being able to do what you wanted to do creates an end in the center of your storyline that your mind was attached to,

Because it needs to be to keep your life story going,

But it's not prepared for the life story to be exited.

Okay?

So,

The contemplation that I've been working with,

Which is deep,

This is deep stuff,

Deep practice,

Is,

Is this moment enough?

And has my life all the way up to this moment been enough?

If I were to die now,

Would it be enough?

If my family members were to pass away,

Would their lives be enough?

Would it be enough,

The time that I spent with them?

Is it enough?

Because the feeling of not enough,

Or the feeling of more,

Is what creates,

You know,

The next XXX,

But we have to come to this deeper contemplation that the mind will always do that.

It will do that into eternity.

If these physical bodies,

Like,

Literally this physical body lasted for eternity and didn't have a death moment,

The mind,

I can almost guarantee you,

Would continue this storyline for infinity.

It would continue the next dream,

The next want,

The next desire,

The next fear,

The next choice,

Because there's always more to happen.

There's always more to happen.

And there always will be more to happen.

But can we be okay with what has happened?

Can we be okay reflecting and contemplating and breathing into and feeling into and feeling grateful for what has happened?

And everything that's already been,

And everything that's already completed in this moment.

So you're coming into a completion of this present moment.

And in this present moment,

Feeling that completion,

That enoughness,

You can already sense,

Maybe,

I can already sense it in myself,

That my awareness is already more present.

Like I'm already more here,

Because I'm not in this state of,

Like,

Agitation or lack.

And I'm more in this state of,

Like,

It's complete.

Every breath up to this moment's complete.

Every experience up to this moment's complete.

And can I find contentment in the storyline ending or changing in a way that I didn't want it to be?

You know,

It's like the only time we suffer is when life is different than we want it to be,

Than we think it should be.

Right?

We have,

That's how the mind works,

Through its models and its stories,

It creates a should for life.

This should happen.

This person should be alive tomorrow.

I should have food in my fridge tomorrow.

I should have clothes tomorrow.

I should be doing this job tomorrow.

I should,

Should,

Should,

Should.

And that's how it's necessary.

Right?

It's necessary for existence.

But when that should gets broken by life,

And we're witnessing that change,

That's when we resist the present moment.

Yeah,

Thanks for the hearts,

Loves.

That's the resistance to the present moment,

And that's the denial of the impermanence and the unknown within life,

The mystery.

The mystery.

Right?

Because if you expand yourself back so deep into the mystery,

And you're only in the mystery,

And the mind is,

You know,

Had a moment to pause its storylines,

And you're in your awareness,

And you're in your body,

And you're contemplating the mystery.

When you're in that space,

Your whole life is a miracle.

The fact that you're alive in this moment is a miracle.

The fact that you took one breath is a miracle.

The fact that you made it to as old as you are right now,

And the experiences you've already had right now,

Is a far out miracle.

And there's nothing to do but sit back in awe with absolute gratitude,

And just be like,

How does this exist?

When you're outside your storyline,

And you're with that in life,

It's a miracle.

And when you're with that in life,

You are much more present,

Because the present moment gets vivid.

So vivid.

And when the present moment is that vivid,

And you're that here,

Right now,

You're not as shocked by the unknown.

You're not as shocked by the mystery,

And you're not as attached to the models you have in your head.

You respect that they're there,

They have a purpose that they're there,

But if they change,

It's not like this big,

And like constant worry,

And fear,

And anxiety.

It's like,

Okay,

This moment is still enough.

Okay,

Yes,

There's grief to process from change,

From death,

But it's okay.

We're content.

We're here.

We're here.

We're here.

Okay.

Now,

What this does,

The fear of the unknown,

The fear of death,

The fear of not knowing,

Right,

The fear of uncertainty,

If you allow it to,

If you hold the simple intention and the understanding,

And you allow it to,

This experience in life right now is giving you the biggest nudge and invitation to presence.

It's making life more vivid than it's ever been.

It's making each moment,

And each breath,

And each connection richer.

It's adding depth and meaning to life in ways that you've never,

Ever,

Ever experienced it before,

If you allow it to.

Because if you take the moment,

And you witness the fear,

And you let it be there of the impermanence and what could happen,

But you are really actually connected to the reality that this moment may never repeat itself again,

That your connection with someone may never repeat itself again.

You may never have that connection or that relationship again,

You know,

Because you don't know what's going to happen.

And you may never do what you're doing again.

You may never have the food you're ever having again.

So when you live with that knowing of,

Like,

Death over your shoulder,

It makes every moment vivid and enough.

Because it's a miracle that you're even experiencing it with your five senses,

But your mind will not understand that.

And you have to open up the intention and the contemplation to enter that.

So then this present moment can become more vivid for you.

So this is actually a really deep practice.

Now,

Allow your mind to settle by giving it a container.

Because your mind is like,

Oh,

My model's,

Ah,

Freaking out,

It's breaking apart,

It's reaching.

It's reaching and panicking.

That's the spinning that you're experiencing.

The spinning of the mind is the panic of the model's falling apart,

It's reaching for a certainty.

Your mind is reaching for certainty.

That's why it's spinning.

It's reaching for another model to clasp onto.

And when it can't do that,

It's like,

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr So you can calm the mind a bit by affirming that you've chosen this reality for yourself.

You may feel like it's not been chosen for you.

You may feel like the universe and the world is just pfft pfft pfft your whole life and you're like,

What?

Why is this happening to me?

You can bring yourself into a place of deep connection and empowerment by choosing,

I allow my models and my senses of self and life to break right now.

I'm letting them fall apart.

I'm letting them fall apart.

I'm holding space for them to fall apart.

I'm letting myself be in the confusion and the emptiness.

I'm letting myself be there.

I trust that this has purpose and I allow myself to open through that emptiness to just the other side of it,

Which is the infinite.

And I allow myself,

I trust that life is going to take me into a new sense of self or expression or identity or jobs or relationships or work or whatever it is that is more in alignment for me.

And I'm going to surrender the idea that I know what that looks like.

Because I don't.

And I'm going to let this time be for myself where I take good care of myself.

I let other people support me in ways that I've never let anyone support me before.

I'm going to let myself be held.

I'm going to let myself rest.

I'm going to let myself contemplate.

I'm going to let myself deepen my spiritual ritual practices,

Whatever they are for you,

That bring you into your spirit and your body and bring you into the present moment.

I'm going to let myself do this and I'm going to let this breaking down of what I thought I know to happen.

I'm going to accept the fact that I don't know anything 100%.

I'm going to accept the fact that no one knows anything 100%.

I'm going to accept the fact that the mystery is the ultimate truth.

And as much as we know is only a fraction.

And we can only live in the mystery.

And I'm going to open up to this reality.

I'm going to let life move through my body.

I'm going to let my senses be turned on and vivid and hear.

I'm going to hear people in ways I've never heard them before.

I'm going to humble myself to learn from everybody and everything around me.

I'm going to feel grateful for this moment and this breath.

I'm going to receive love in ways I've never received love in my life.

I'm going to give love in ways I've never given love in my life.

I'm going to let myself feel.

And I'm going to let life transform me into a new state that I cannot see.

I'm going to accept the fact that the model that I had was one possibility.

The model of my life or other people's lives or what I thought I was doing or my relationships or anything.

I'm going to accept that what my mind decided on and clinged onto and grasped onto was one reality and one possibility.

I'm going to accept the fact that that one possibility in its very,

Very finite existence has fallen apart.

And in its falling apart,

I'm going to accept the moment of emptiness that connects me to my truest essence of nothingness,

Of no identity,

Of no self,

Of I don't know,

I'm just witnessing.

And through this space,

I'm going to open to the other side of that emptiness,

Which is all possibility.

And I'm going to hold the intention that all possibility,

An infinite possibility,

Is available when the one possibility drops.

Because then all the other possibilities are available.

I may not know them yet.

I don't have to do anything to receive them except be present with my body in this moment.

I trust and I surrender to the universe and the transformational nature of life and I let myself contemplate on the enoughness of now.

Is this enough?

Can this be enough for you?

And the more that we can inch into that enoughness,

The more that we can be okay with the falling away.

And the richer and the deeper life can become in each moment.

So I just want to open you up to understanding that that's a potential.

It's not all negative and dark.

It's hard,

Absolutely.

It's the deepest work of deepest spiritual work.

It's definitely hard.

But it's not all negative.

So in this moment,

We are allowing ourselves to accept that all control is an attachment of the mind.

And through that release of what we thought was going to happen,

We are met with uncertainty,

Which is lack of control.

Can we surrender?

Can we not control the moment into the one possibility we want it to be?

So we can open up to the infinite of what is available.

Connection to the heart space,

Connection to the body,

Connection to your spirit is so important right now.

It's time for you to awaken and connect to a deeper part of your being and to deepen your connection to it.

Connection to your spirit is so important right now.

Up your ritual practices.

Start your ritual practices.

Get deep in spirituality now.

It's time for you to awaken and connect to a deeper part of your being and to deepen your connection to it.

Okay.

And lastly,

I'll say,

Have fun.

It feels thick and heavy,

The mind and the uncertainty and the unknown.

Anything you can do to have fun in your life that's good for you and good for other people,

Do it.

Have fun.

It lightens your load.

It lightens your mind.

It opens your essence in your being.

Let yourself ease into goodness,

Feeling good,

Simple pleasures.

Really,

Really focus on that.

Okay?

Alright.

All my love.

Namaste.

Reviews

I sat agog listening to this talk. It absolutely validated what I have been feeling for sooooo long. I was beginning to lose trust in the acceptance of what is and knowing I was on the right path to a deeper spiritual awakening. This talk had given me so much I can’t put into words. Thank you feels so inadequate 🙏💕

Dearest Laura, to sit in the unknown with no certainty and just be. Right now. Here with the acceptance that I'm ok with my life... I got here! How amazing is that?

Namaste 🙏 💖🌸🌟🌈🌞

Really timely and excellent, thank you 🙏🏽🙏🏽❤️❤️

Thank you for sharing this. You articulated a lot of feelings I did not have words for, it made my mind freak out a little less than it has been doing 😅