Hello,
And welcome to episode 23 of my series of Tiny Talks related to Dementia.
You may have noticed that it has been a while since I've shared my Tiny Talks,
As we have prepared for and said our farewells to my father.
After the cremation ceremony I felt like sharing again,
But at the same time I felt a bit lost about where to start.
Well,
A bit lost in general.
After a long walk in spring sunshine along the river,
I realized I had to start from a place very close to me.
My father.
I had been working in dementia care for over a dozen years when he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2021.
So I did not start my profession because I lost a family member to dementia.
It started with curiosity and interest,
Which evolved into love and passion.
I was keen to assist my father in many ways with the experiences and knowledge I had gained over the years.
It was not as straightforward as you might think.
First of all I lived 10,
000 kilometers away from him.
Being blessed with kind and involved siblings in proximity to him,
We encountered the next hurdle that was not interested in adjustments,
Prompts or cognitive ramps.
Instead he became a classic example,
Yet another one,
That nobody can be forced.
We suggested many things which we felt would have made his life easier.
He rejected most of them,
And we accepted.
We knew him well and had to honor his wishes.
Did he make mistakes?
Did things go wrong?
Oh yeah.
But they were the same mistakes that he would have made earlier in life.
The things that went wrong fit perfectly into a series of things that had gone wrong before.
In other words,
He was who he was,
And dementia or the environment was not going to change that.
My father was not always the easiest person for those around him.
He led his life the way he wanted,
Often not very considerate of others.
An old colleague once said,
People die as they have lived,
And this was certainly true for my father.
As Sanatra would have sung,
He did it his way.
And as often as I have felt irritated or misunderstood,
I also feel pride.
This man was who he was,
No excuses,
No compromises.
He lived to the absolute max,
And seemingly slipped away when he found himself in a situation that was highly undesirable.
I can only wish the same for everyone else.
Rest in peace,
Papa.
