It Ends With You

This meditation is about realizing it didn't start with you, but it does end with you. We didn't choose to have these recurring patterns of anxiety and it really doesn't make sense why we even have them. What does make sense is that they were passed down from the generations before us and we have the power inside us to heal these patterns.

Transcript

Welcome to this meditation.

This meditation is about the trauma,

The suffering,

The reoccurring pattern that continues to,

Say,

Haunt us or that we continue to struggle with.

It helps us see it in maybe a different light.

So if you are struggling right now with a recurring thought,

Pattern,

Or feeling or emotion,

This meditation is for you.

Let's get into it.

Find a comfortable seat.

It doesn't have to be upright and strict.

You could be reclining.

You could be in a chair.

You can be in your bed.

Find somewhere that will let you relax and really get deep in.

Once you find that spot,

We're going to begin with some focus concentrated breaths that help open us up and get inside.

So on my count,

We're going to inhale.

Ready?

One,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Five.

Exhale.

One,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Five,

Six,

Seven.

Inhale.

One,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Five.

Exhale.

One,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Five,

Six,

Seven.

Do about three more on your own with a similar,

You know,

Inhale.

A little less than you exhale.

The longer exhale lets us tap into our systems that let us release and relax and we need to be able to get in today,

To get in deep.

This moment right now is about getting in touch with ourselves and relaxing.

Just letting go of everything that we've held up until this moment.

On your last exhale,

We're going to release and let go of this concentrated breath and just observe our breath as it is,

In and out.

It might feel weird to observe our breath.

It might feel different now that we've already concentrated on it.

So observe it however you can,

However it is in this moment.

Does some places feel tense and tight as you're feeling your breath in your body?

Do some places feel like they're constricted,

Like there's a blockage?

Is your breath getting to your belly or is it stopping in your chest?

Just notice if there are thoughts associated with what you're feeling or why you're feeling it.

See those thoughts and let them go as much as you can.

We'll have time later to look at our thoughts,

But right now it's just getting in touch with our body as it is.

Just getting in touch with your breath.

We're going to do this for some time.

I'm going to speak to what this meditation is about.

If you're feeling patterns coming up,

Notice them.

Or if you've had anxiety and why you're here,

Maybe anxiety last night or the day before this morning or today,

What is anxiety?

Why is it coming up?

We put so much pressure on ourselves.

What's wrong with us?

What's wrong with me?

Do you feel that's what's wrong with me kind of thing in there?

So much pressure on us to figure it out,

To know why we have this trauma or this contraction that's really frustrating us.

Why is it there?

For so much of my life I had anxiety disorder or I had this fear.

And to get specific,

I have this fear of abject poverty,

Which for me is probably not a reality.

But I have this deep fear of it.

Why?

Who told me about that?

How did that come about?

There's so many ways to look at and observe it.

But one way to take the hook off,

The pressure off of us,

Of me,

Is to look back at our ancestors,

At epigenetics,

Things that have been passed down,

Scientifically proven.

Not just the color of our hair or eyes or our disposition,

But deep stress,

Anxiety,

Fears have been turned on and passed down.

My great grandfather lost our family's fortune and his grandfather,

His father,

They were all just poor in poverty.

Many of us have come from that and there's a lot of money issues around this.

I'm saying this as example,

Not for you to just listen to mine,

But to be able to reflect back on yourself as you're looking into yourself,

Feeling in yourself,

Where these clogs are happening,

What these issues are happening.

But yeah,

Why do I have abject fear of poverty?

There's no reason no one told me about it.

I never experienced anything that would make me have that fear.

Most likely it's passed down for my grandparents and my great-grandparents and their parents and their parents.

Not just passed down,

But distilled.

Each level comes down.

It's distilled and becomes more concentrated.

So we're dealing with this very,

Very concentrated fear that feels so real and so scary.

And clouds,

How we see things.

So now this is for you.

Can you find that place inside of you where this deep fear exists,

This deep anxiety?

What comes to mind first?

What brought you here to this meditation?

When you get it,

Where are you feeling your body?

Where's that pain,

That suffering?

Tangibly feel it.

And when you do locate it,

If you can locate it,

Great.

If you can't,

Just keep coming back to focusing your breath and seeing where maybe there is that disruption that can lead you there.

But now that maybe you have found where this pain lives,

What does it feel like?

What does it look like?

Who's holding that pain?

Is it you now?

Is it a younger version of yourself?

Is it someone else?

Who's holding that pain?

Who's still feeling that?

For me,

It's a much younger version of myself.

There's this really exciting thing about your inner child healing.

And this is great,

But what people don't realize is there's so many inner children in us.

There's someone from just two weeks ago that has trauma inside me and someone from 10 years ago,

20 years ago,

30 years ago,

From birth.

But who's holding this trauma right now that keeps revisiting you?

When you find who's holding it,

Maybe see what shape it is,

What color it is,

Or what time period it's from in your life.

And ask it,

Ask that person,

Ask that thing,

Ask that object,

Why are you here?

What have I experienced in my life or heard in my life that made you be what you are?

And if it doesn't make sense,

Even if some of it makes sense,

It's likely been passed down.

Because even events that happen in our life have been passed down.

This view of abject poverty might cause me to do things that my ancestors did.

And see if this thing,

This object,

When you can help it realize that hey,

There's nothing wrong with you.

You've been passed down this distilled,

Very potent trauma.

Something that's been passed in your lineage for centuries.

And the fact that you are even trying to take this time to heal it takes balls.

Like that's it.

It takes like serious,

Serious work and time and effort and desire to start healing yourself,

Healing your lineage.

It's not simple,

It's not easy.

But we also didn't say that we wanted a simple and easy life.

And maybe we do.

And there's ways to numb out and have that,

But this is not that.

So put your hand on your body,

On that part if you can.

If it feels okay,

Put your hand on it or close to it or near it maybe.

Feel it.

There's trauma pulsating.

It's pulsating with the energy of the world,

Of the universe.

There's trauma.

See if you can connect into it.

Hold it,

Comfort it.

This is not your fault.

It's really no one's fault,

Not even your ancestors.

It's what they experienced,

What they knew,

What they had at their disposal.

But it's here.

And it's been passed down.

So give yourself some grace,

Give yourself a break,

Whatever you want to call it.

You've been given this very difficult task,

But you've taken it on because you were brave,

You were strong,

You were amazing.

And you will heal this.

You will turn this around.

Give it slowly,

Even if it takes years,

Even if it takes a lifetime.

If we can pass on suffering and pain,

We can pass on healing.

I heard this phrase recently and it connected with me so deeply.

Say this to your part that's hurting so badly inside of you.

If our family can pass on this trauma that we have inherited,

We can also pass on the healing that we do,

No matter what it is.

And we can do it.

We're brave and we're strong.

It's not easy,

But we're let off the hook because it doesn't come from us.

It's not just us.

We are being the brave one to take this on for our family.

And then the people who come after us will continue this.

So you have plenty of time,

Plenty of space.

The pain may hurt,

Really hurt,

But we'll continue to come back to that place where it doesn't.

Continue to comfort that part.

You can tell that you love it and you're here for it.

And we support and we will slowly continue to work together towards healing.

And then we can let go and come back to our breath.

Maybe some blockages have been cleared up.

Maybe there's been more space in our breath because every part of our body,

Our somatics,

Influence our breath.

Our breath is our anchor of our body.

It knows,

It feels.

Back to the breath to ground ourselves in this new space that we create for ourselves,

This new letting-ourself-off-the-hook mentality,

This new grace,

This new we-are-doing-it.

I'm so proud of you.

We're going to close this container right now with a couple focused breaths.

So inhale again.

One,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Five.

Exhale.

One,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Five.

Do two or three by yourself.

When you're ready,

Open your eyes and realize not only are you healing yourself,

But you are setting yourself up to thrive and whoever comes after you to thrive.

You're amazing,

You're beautiful,

And you have this.

And I'm here for you.