Decision Making: Following What Feels Light

In this talk, we dive into how listening to our body can help us when it comes to making both big and small decisions. We explore why we don’t often trust our intuition and the beautiful wisdom that our body holds. The talk includes practical applications and examples.

Transcript

So today's episode is going to focus on following what feels light.

What does that even mean?

So when we're in our body and we have a decision that we need to make,

It could be a big decision or a small decision,

It really doesn't matter.

If we are able to stop,

And sometimes you may want to place your hand on your stomach or on your heart if you're able,

And just run through those options,

Your body tends to send very clear signals on what feels light versus what feels heavy.

So basically,

We're going to be learning more about how do we actually listen to our body and trust our intuition.

And within that,

We're going to actually start the conversation out talking about why we don't trust our intuition.

And so from a very young age,

We come into this world and quite honestly,

We remember coming out as a baby,

We remember a lot of things from before we came here,

Where we were before we came here.

And that may be an edge for some people,

So it's okay,

Just roll with me.

And whenever we come here,

We're then putting these little tiny bodies where the only way we can communicate with the world is really by screaming,

By crying,

Right?

And we don't really have a voice.

And then by the time we're old enough to talk and to start using our voice,

We're very quickly taught what to say,

What not to say.

When we get moving around,

We're taught what to do,

What not to do,

Where you can go,

Where you can't go.

It's like from the moment we arrive,

Boundaries are placed around us,

Often to keep us safe.

And within those boundaries,

Our natural intuition tends to be stifled as well.

And I think it's important for us to remember that,

To know that some of our intuition was stifled.

And it could have been that we grew up with a family that lived in anxiety or fear or,

You know,

Struggling to make ends meet from paycheck to paycheck.

And so you needed to be small and fit in and be in line in order to make life as easy as possible on everyone.

Or maybe you were a free willed child from the very beginning.

And then over the years you learned,

All right,

When I do that,

Mom and dad gets upset or they get mad or they start crying or they get angry and yell or I get punished.

And so you learn to taper that back.

And I'm not saying these are bad things.

We all need to learn to be aware of our own self and how we come across in the world and our experiences and how what we do and say affects others.

And our society really does take it to an extreme most of the time.

And what happens is between our school systems and our work systems and our family systems and our friend systems,

We end up coming into adulthood quite honestly,

Quite honestly,

Not feeling like we can trust ourselves.

This isn't true for everyone,

But it's true for a lot of people that I work with and that I know.

And so then we start trying to get our validation externally from others.

So when we need to make a decision,

And I'm not sure if any of you are familiar with this or have done this,

I'm sure many of you have.

Instead of just stopping and asking ourselves what decision we need to make,

We instead reach out to all of our friends or many of our friends or some of our friends or family members.

And we tell them all the details and we rely on them to tell us what they think we should do,

Which is great,

Right?

Because like sometimes our friends can provide an amazing perspective that we're not thinking about ourselves.

However,

When we learn to rely so much on that,

We step outside of our own power and we start trusting our intuition less and less,

Especially when what we think we need to do is different from what others may think we need to do.

And the other thing,

When we talk about following what feels right,

What feels light stepping into your intuition that we have to discuss is that sometimes our bodies can send mixed signals.

Not often,

Not as much as you may think,

But sometimes it can and a lot of times that's going to come from some sort of traumatic experience that you had in your past.

Maybe you said something to an ex boyfriend and he completely lost it on you.

Maybe he started screaming and yelling.

Maybe it led to a big argument over time.

When we have those types of experiences,

Especially when they're repeated or extreme,

We start thinking,

Maybe I can't trust myself.

Maybe I can't trust what I'm feeling or what I'm thinking.

And as those build up over time,

The trauma really can come to the point where you can't trust yourself.

The trauma really can come to the point where our views,

Our perspectives are clouded by this massive lens of trauma.

So when a friend says to you,

I'm sorry,

I can't,

I have plans tonight.

That simply may mean,

I'm sorry,

I can't,

I have plans tonight.

And for some people,

Because of past traumatic experiences innocently,

There's no judgment here.

It may be heard as this person doesn't like me and doesn't want to spend time with me.

And that's often not the case,

But our lens can become cloudy,

Right?

So I say both why we don't trust our intuition as well as sometimes our body can send us mixed signals just to point out the importance of us doing our own healing work to get back into our bodies.

So we can actually read the thermostat of our body,

Not the heat thermostat,

But the emotional thermostat,

The reaction,

The feelings that come up for you.

So you can start witnessing those feelings as an observer,

Not someone who's immersed in them.

And so that you can start making better decisions.

And sometimes those decisions that you're going to make are not going to make a lot of sense to those around you.

I've had many of those experiences lately.

I'll tell you about a couple of them real quick.

So one and I've shared this in a previous episode was my decision to leave academia,

You know,

Stepping out of a full-time position with really good pay,

Amazing benefits being five years away from being fully invested in my retirement.

And it's almost like a dream job,

Right?

You,

You know,

Work on campus only a few days a week.

It's very flexible.

You get summers off.

Like there's so many perks or so many benefits to it.

You get to work with amazing students and some credible colleagues.

And my body didn't want to do it anymore.

And so I listened for a while to all the people telling me you need to stay and you have no idea what you're giving up and what are you thinking?

And just all this stuff.

Right.

And I let that win for so long.

And then eventually I was like,

No,

I am choosing to trust me.

I'm trusting myself and I'm trusting what feels light to my body.

So what does that mean?

What feels light?

It is like gut feeling that tends to happen in your stomach.

For those of you who are familiar with the energy centers of your body and that stomach solar plexus area tends to be what tells us what feels like to us and what does not feel light.

So let me give you a little experience.

I want you to think about a decision you have coming up.

And actually maybe I'll just give you a scenario to make it easier.

So let's just say someone reaches out to you,

One of your friends or an acquaintance,

Whatever makes the most sense here.

And they want you to go to dinner with them.

And they're so excited to invite you to dinner and they reach out and they're like,

Well,

You go to dinner with me.

So in that moment you may be like,

Yes,

Cause you could be in a good mood because we make decisions based upon the current mood that we're in.

Right.

So maybe it's 11am in the morning,

You've had your coffee,

You're,

You know,

You got into the work group,

You're in just such a really good mood and it just feels like you're in a yes.

You're like,

Yes,

Absolutely.

I want to go to dinner.

So you make that plan.

So now you have a commitment after work it's done to go to dinner with this friend or this acquaintance or work colleague,

Whoever it is that you use for the scenario.

And then let's say something came up at work and you had to skip lunch.

And then by around two to 3pm,

You're done.

You've had a really hard day and you're like,

By around two to 3pm,

You're done.

You've had a really hard day.

All you want to do is go home and get into bed.

But now you can't because you have dinner plans.

Those great,

Amazing dinner plans that several hours ago sound amazing.

Now are draining your energy and now is not resonant to your body.

Your body is saying,

I don't want to do that.

Yet many of us would not cancel those plans because we're conditioned to honor our plans and uphold our plans.

But if it's one of those situations and one of those days where you know that you're done,

You're energetically done.

If you go to this dinner,

You're just going to end up coping.

That may look like a substance.

They may look like eating.

That may look like,

You know,

Just word vomiting out on the conversation.

And then you're more than likely going to leave the dinner feeling worse than you did when you went there.

Especially if this person is not an energetic match for you.

And isn't it someone who can hold space really well and help you increase your energy levels.

So if you were to be in that situation and just imagine it,

Just imagine that level of overwhelm,

That level of stressed outness,

That not having food since breakfast.

And now you're sitting here faced with meetings and then going straight from meetings to this dinner.

I want you to just put your hand on your stomach.

If you're able,

If you're not able,

It's fine.

Just put your attention on your stomach area and play through the options.

I can go to this dinner with my friend.

See how that feels for your body.

When I say that right now,

For me,

Imagining myself in that scenario,

It makes my stomach have this little bit of a pit in it.

It makes my chest feel tight.

It just doesn't feel light.

It feels heavy.

Now play out another scenario.

What if I reach out to my friend and tell them I'm really having a hard day.

And instead of our current plans,

What if we just grab takeout and hang out at my house?

Again,

Rest your attention on your stomach.

How does that feel?

For me,

It feels a little lighter,

Especially in my stomach,

But I can still feel a little tightness in my chest.

And then play out the last scenario.

What if I reschedule?

I go home.

I eat a dinner,

An early dinner since I missed lunch.

And then I climb into the bath with some low music.

And then after my bath,

I'll just spend time watching TV or reading a book.

How does that sound?

And again,

Checking in with that stomach area,

With your chest.

To me,

I can still feel the overwhelm of the scenario.

But compared to the other two scenarios,

It sounds so much lighter and feels so much lighter in my body.

And here's the beautiful thing.

All that overwhelm you're experiencing,

Once you stop and make the decision and you text your friend and you reschedule that dinner reservation,

Your overwhelm will lighten.

The overwhelm from the initial experience that you had,

Not even the dinner plans,

Will start to lighten.

Because you're honoring your intuition.

You're honoring what's right for you and your body.

And you're following what feels light.

So that's just a small example of what this looks like.

And I just invite you all to start playing with this.

It's a gentle practice.

Play with it just a little bit at a time.

And then start with very small decisions.

Maybe it's like,

What feels light right now is I go to Starbucks and I get a mocha.

Honor it.

Maybe normally you wouldn't do that.

Or maybe you normally would go get a mocha and instead what feels light is going to walk around the gardens.

Listen to your body.

Give it options.

Ask it yes or no questions.

And feel for the answer.

Does this feel light?

Reviews

I thank you deeply. Simple and profound. The first step shifting into alignment with body to then have space for the awareness of sensations.

Thx ❤️

Not my usual type of meditation, but I resonated very well and loved every part of this. Thank you!