Welcome to Enhancing Recovery Part 2.
I'm Dr.
Lynne Brown.
Today's topic is perfectionism.
Perfectionism is not the pursuit of excellence.
Perfectionists do not get genuine pleasure from striving to meet high standards.
And perfectionism is not healthy.
Perfectionist standards are so high that they go beyond reach and are not reasonable.
They set impossible goals for themselves.
Their drive to excel is self-defeating.
Research has found that perfectionists are vulnerable to some serious mood disorders.
They tend to suffer from depression,
Performance anxiety,
Test anxiety,
Social anxiety,
Writer's block,
And obsessive compulsive illness.
They respond to perceived failure or inadequacy with a loss of self-esteem that can trigger severe depression and anxiety.
Many perfectionists are plagued by loneliness and disturbed personal relationships.
This is common because they fear and anticipate rejection.
Perfectionists are convinced that they will be judged to be imperfect and this will automatically result in rejection.
They believe other standards are as excessively high as their own.
Because of this anticipation,
They tend to react defensively to criticism which causes others frustration and alienation.
So,
Perfectionists bring on the anticipated outcome by their own actions.
This reinforces the irrational belief that they must be perfect to be accepted.
Disclosure phobia is also common among perfectionists.
This resistance to share inner thoughts and feelings keeps others at an emotional distance.
And their tendency to apply their excessively high standards to others leads to disappointment in others.
Perfectionists commonly exhibit three mental distortions that are non-productive for effectively dealing with living.
These distortions drastically interfere with the ability to adhere to a sobriety program.
The most common distortion is all or nothing thinking.
Perfectionists see everything in a dichotomous manner.
To them,
Everything is either good or bad,
Right or wrong,
Black or white.
There are no shades of gray.
And since no one is perfect,
This type of thinking always results in quitting.
The second distortion found in perfectionists is over generalizations.
They come to the conclusion that a negative event will repeat itself endlessly.
When they deviate from their program,
They tell themselves things like,
I'm always cheating,
I'll always mess up around family,
I'll never be able to stop drinking.
Over generalized thinking leads to a narrow margin of safety.
This leads to a narrow road of following the program and a wide road of not following it,
With no median.
The third distortion involves should statements.
This is an attitude that leaves out self-acceptance.
The perfectionist does not attempt to learn from mistakes.
It is not self-compassionate.
Instead,
There is self-deprecation.
There are standards that are impossible to consistently maintain and there is no room for taking facts or experiences,
Emotional needs,
Etc.
Into consideration.
This makes us unable to handle every situation with flawless grace.
Instead,
There is the continuous pressure of expecting to always do as one should.
This attitude creates feelings of frustration and guilt that cause them to not be able to see beyond the error.
Perfectionists become trapped by non-productive,
Self-critical dialogues that lead to depression and negative self-esteem.
When a perfectionist starts a sobriety program,
She or he feels it necessary to either be on or off the program,
And this is defined in strict terms.
The first time the routine is disrupted,
The period of sainthood ends,
And it is viewed that the opportunity for perfection is lost forever.
This then ushers in a period of sin.
This is characterized by self-deprecation,
Guilt,
And possible drinking.
How can you begin changing this perfectionist habit?
The best way is to use the mental distortions.
Start by examining your all-or-nothing thinking.
Spend some time investigating whether or not the world can be meaningfully evaluated by using this way of thinking.
Decide if certain walls are totally clean,
If people are totally handsome or beautiful or ugly,
Etc.
After doing this for a while,
You'll see how irrational it is to assume that anything is all one way or another.
Then,
You can begin substituting them with more realistic,
Gray thoughts.
Instead of perceiving yourself as a failure because you didn't follow your program perfectly yesterday,
You'll remember that most of the day you did fine.
It will take practice to remember to substitute the reasonable thought for the extreme,
But eventually you'll catch yourself and make the change.
Next,
Start working on overgeneralizing.
Stop yourself whenever you hear yourself use the words always or never when describing yourself and or your behavior.
Little in life is forever,
So there is no need to worry that you'll always do whatever it is you are concerned about.
The only way it will happen is if you determine that it should be so and make a concentrated effort to be sure it happens.
Just because you quit your program last time after having a difficult day at work doesn't mean it will happen next time.
Don't let your past become your future.
It doesn't have to be.
Third are the should statements.
Get rid of all the should and ought to's you can.
Very few are valid and they do not take all the pertinent factors into consideration.
You do the best you can with the circumstances you find yourself in.
If you were tempted to drink last night but only got in your car instead of driving to the store,
You did well.
Saying you shouldn't have gotten in your car doesn't help you understand why you got into the car.
Sure,
You'd have liked to have never gone to the car,
But you're not perfect.
Learn from the experience and move on.
One way to effectively make these changes is to keep a daily written record of these self-critical cognitions,
Pinpoint the form of mental distortion each contains,
And substitute a more objective,
Self-enhancing thought.
Copyright 2017,
Lynn Baranius-Brown.
Published by Best Life Publications.
No part of this audio recording may be reproduced without permission from the copyright owner.
