Welcome to the Best Life University podcast.
I'm Dr.
Lynn Brown,
A counselor and educator.
In this podcast,
I discuss a myriad of topics related to the five dimensions of personal growth,
Mental,
Social,
Spiritual,
Emotional and physical.
Thank you so much for listening.
Today's topic is conflict as productive opportunity.
I've been angry with my mom for the past 18 years.
Ever since she betrayed me,
Our relationship hasn't been the same.
But I haven't talked with her about it because I hate confrontation and don't want more trouble.
During the many years I have worked with clients in my counseling practice.
This story,
Expressed in countless versions,
Has been an issue.
It seems most people quote hate confrontation and quote.
So they fail to address concerns with others that,
If not resolved,
Interfere with their lives.
My job is to provide a healthier way to think about the ideas of disagreement,
Conflict and argument in order for my clients viewpoints to allow for resolution.
To start,
Let's define these three words as defined on dictionary Cambridge dot com.
Disagreement is a situation in which people have different opinions.
Conflict is an active disagreement.
Argument is an explanation of why you believe something should be done.
It is important to note that the word truth is not mentioned in these definitions.
Therefore,
The first step in reframing the idea of confrontation is that it is not about truth.
It is about opinions.
Of course,
We tend to think that what we believe is truth.
So it is vital we recognize that our truth is not necessarily fact.
So when having a disagreement with another person,
We are merely in a situation where this person has a differing view of reality.
Remembering that there is no one ultimate reality.
Should we engage with this person in an attempt to attend to our differing realities,
We are in conflict.
Since we already know our vantage point,
It is necessary to learn the other person's reality.
In doing so,
We begin to understand how they came to have their point of view.
And perhaps even if we choose to listen attentively and with an open mind,
Alter our own opinion.
During this time of listening and sharing,
We are actually stating our argument.
Instead of seeing an argument as a confrontation,
It is actually an opportunity to learn the reasoning behind the other person's opinion and to share our reasoning.
This process then becomes a productive opportunity,
A chance to get to know the other person a bit better and maybe even learn something that can affect our thinking.
So the next time there is a disagreement,
Recognize it as merely a difference of opinion that can encourage us to actively engage in communication in order to learn more about the other person.
So we can better understand them as well as ourselves.
And when this path is taken,
The outcome is usually consensus or compromise.
And if not either of these,
At least there is understanding.
Copyright 2018 Lynn Baranius-Brown
