Tools To Help You With Self-Love (Live Recording)

It's time to find ways to love ourselves more. Self-love is the MOST powerful tool we all have access to. Join this session to discover practical ways to accept and love yourself more. I will share a variety of exercises/strategies you can explore and leave time for group brainstorming.

Transcript

Good morning everybody,

Thank you for tuning in today.

My name is Emilio and I am here because I want to make intentional living simple,

Fun and available to every person on the planet.

Today's topic is self-love and before I get started I would like to ask you guys and just think about this,

What comes up for you when I say the word self-love?

What emotions come up for you?

I need more.

Tightness in my stomach.

Putting myself first.

Anything else?

Fear.

Selfishness.

Self-love is a struggle.

Self-care.

Respect myself.

A little disappointed in past self-love but have made progress.

Never knew that that was ever a thing.

Resistance.

Nurturing myself so I can help others.

Making best use of time and time for others I love.

Allowing time for my interest without feeling guilty.

Beautiful.

You guys are nailing it.

Being more gentle with myself.

Guilt and judgement.

Vulnerability.

Yeah so it's interesting to see and this is something that is normal.

There are positive emotions that come up and there are also negative emotions that come up when the word self-love appears.

For some people self-love doesn't feel right.

Self-love is selfish.

Self-love is something that they don't have time for.

Self-love,

They don't deserve self-love.

We are not good enough to deserve that.

Who are we to be loved?

And for some other people self-love means something positive.

Something uplifting.

Something that makes them feel well.

So it's okay,

Whatever you are feeling it's normal and I would like to start the session by just telling you this.

Self-love is being gentle with yourself.

Self-love is taking care of your own needs,

Okay,

Without sacrificing your well-being for others.

And this doesn't mean that you are not helping others but that means that you are grounded with yourself.

That means that you respect yourself.

That means that you know what you need.

You know what you need and what you want and you own those needs and you communicate them clearly with others and you start setting healthy boundaries when you are not feeling respected and this is a process that we all need to go through.

We all need more self-love,

Myself included.

We all can do more.

We all can love more always because we always tend to go to dark places sometimes,

Don't we?

I tend to go to very negative places sometimes,

Way more often than I would like to admit but it is the truth and self-love is something that I don't know you guys but I wasn't taught what self-love was.

Were you taught about self-love at school?

Did your family taught you about what self-love is and how you can practice it?

Maybe some of you were lucky enough to have that training,

Right?

Or maybe to see self-love in practice.

Maybe someone showed you what self-love looks like for them and then you could have someone to follow or someone to get inspired by but majority of you most likely you are saying no,

No,

Not at all.

I didn't know that was a thing.

So you guys don't even know what self-love is.

So of course it's going to feel weird.

Of course your nervous system,

Your limiting beliefs,

Your blueprint of the world,

However you want to call it,

Like of course you don't know how to even do it.

Some people say not really but I had a family that love,

Yeah,

A loving family.

Yeah and I also had a loving family.

It doesn't mean that you didn't have a loving family.

I think everybody does the best they can with what they have,

Your family included and everybody loves in their own way,

In the way they know how to.

Okay?

So that's why sometimes self-love feels weird because you don't sometimes you don't even know how to do it.

You don't even know how to receive it.

Guys,

I myself,

Anytime someone gives me a compliment,

I have a hard time saying thank you and just accepting it.

I always find a sentence or something to put on top because I have a hard time receiving that compliment.

I have a hard time saying thank you so much,

That's very nice.

I embrace that,

Thank you.

No,

I always say,

My wife comes and say oh my god,

Emilio,

This lunch is amazing and then I always say oh yeah,

Yeah,

It could have been X,

Maybe next time I will and then she says Emilio,

Just say thank you.

I'm giving you a compliment.

So just start thinking about that,

Right?

Self-love is something that we all have to practice more.

Okay?

So self-love is taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others.

That's just one definition of a thousand.

Okay?

For me,

Self-love means something that is special for me.

For me,

Self-love means having control of my time and my creativity.

That's a big self-love for me.

So owning that need for me that 10 years ago I decided to start my own business and I decided to do the thing that I had inside I wanted to share.

For me,

That was a practice of self-love.

Even when I had no idea how to make it happen.

I knew that that was necessary,

That was a need I had.

Self-love for me is to every week make a priority,

Couple time with my wife a couple times,

Make a priority time with just myself,

Make a priority intentional time with my daughter,

Make a priority showing up for you guys here twice a week and creating content.

So understanding my own needs and starting to take action on them.

Okay?

So it's important that you guys start understanding what are your own needs.

Because when it comes to self-care and self-love,

The first step is to really understand what are my needs.

And how many of you know what your needs are?

How many of you guys know what you truly need?

How many of you allow themselves the time to actually discover that?

Because sometimes we don't allow ourselves the time to even think about it.

So of course we don't know what we need because we don't even spend time thinking about it.

We don't allow ourselves,

Yeah,

Usually we put ourselves last.

Yeah,

Because we are always busy,

Because we are always doing something,

Because life always demands something from you.

People demand something from you,

Your job demand something from you,

Your children demand something from you.

And it's beautiful to be able to provide those things.

But you need to be intentional enough to also block a little bit of time so that you can show up for yourself too.

And that showing up for yourself can look in so many different ways.

It doesn't have to be you going and sitting down cross-legged and crossing your eyes and meditating.

That's what you always see when meditation comes in mind.

But it can be in so many different ways.

For me,

Time alone for me is fixing something in the house.

It's carving a new game that I am doing,

Fixing a guitar I had,

Creating a compost system in the garden and being getting my hands dirty,

Going and playing squash,

Practicing my guitar.

So there are so many things that I do for self-love.

Yeah,

So Amy,

Definitions,

You are asking for a definition again.

So the definition of self-love,

One of a thousand,

Taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others.

Okay?

So taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others.

How do you do that?

So the steps that I was sharing are first you need to discover what your needs are.

Okay?

How do you discover what your needs are?

By you spending time with yourself,

By you asking yourself,

What do I really need?

And it's okay if you have no idea.

I was sharing before that not everybody learns about self-love at school or from their family,

Or it's a concept that is very new and the concept can trigger you.

Okay?

Self-love,

That word can trigger people in a positive way or in a negative way.

Some people feel selfish,

Some people feel inspired,

Some people feel I don't deserve it,

Some people say I want more of that.

Some people say,

Who am I to do that?

I have to take care of my family first.

And some people say,

If I practice self-love,

I will show up with more intention to my family.

So there are so many different angles that you can look at self-love.

But at the end of the day,

Self-love is understanding yourself more and respecting what you see.

So it's understanding all the traumas that you had in your life and everything that triggers you emotionally.

When that shows up,

A practice of self-love is for you to allow time and space for those feelings to show up and for those emotions to be present.

And they may feel uncomfortable,

But they are there for a reason.

So a practice of self-love will be for you to be willing to explore why is this here?

How is this affecting me?

Why is this thing that my dad told me when I was two still,

I'm carrying it and I'm 42 years old right now.

How can I let go of this energetic connection?

How can I be able to forgive myself,

Forgive others,

People that did something to me?

How can I make sure that I can start moving forward in a different way?

Okay,

So start thinking about that.

And again,

Answers may not come right away,

But that's okay.

The more you practice,

The more you are flexing the muscle and the more you flex the muscle,

The more the better you are going to get,

The more connected with yourself you are going to become.

And then your needs are going to appear.

You're going to start feeling them because this is not something mental.

This is something that you feel.

And then you will feel,

I need time by myself now.

I am overwhelmed.

I need to exercise.

I need to move my body.

I've been sitting for a long time and I need to move.

So an act of self-love for me is juggling my balls.

It's going for a little walk.

It's going and playing squash.

And then sometimes I need to relax.

I need to do nothing.

I have to put my phone out and I have to do something mindless,

Something that I'm missing in my hands,

But I'm not using screens.

I'm not excited and I'm not doing something mental.

So it's start connecting with yourself and start really tuning into what you need.

Okay?

So once you start discovering your needs,

Understanding your traumas,

Going through all the triggers that you are facing and working through them,

Then you start to,

You need to own your needs.

So when the needs show up and you know them,

You have to own them.

You have to be confident about them and you have to embrace them.

You have to,

Because if you don't do it,

No one else is going to do it.

If you don't embrace your own needs,

If you don't accept them and own them with confidence,

Even if you don't know how to do it yet,

But you know that that's a truth for you,

That's how you are going to start evolving.

Okay?

For me,

A truth was 10 years ago and I told Samantha,

I want to start my own business.

And she felt the same way.

So we sat in a coffee place 10 years ago and say,

What can we do?

I have no idea.

Let's just make a list of the skills that we have,

The things that we love doing.

What is it?

And then we decided to start helping people organize their homes.

That way was we are going to help people move into their homes and put things like hand art,

Like I am very handy.

So I will hand stuff.

I will assemble furniture.

My wife will clean and then we will organize things so that they can look nice.

And our main goal was to help people feel better at home.

We didn't even know that that was an industry.

We didn't know that professional organizers,

That was a thing at that time.

That's how,

That's how little we knew,

But we knew our truth and is we want to have full control of our time and energy and creativity.

So that's how that evolved.

So in yourself,

Start asking yourself,

What is my own need and how can I start nurturing that?

Okay.

And then once you understand that,

You start communicating those needs clearly to yourself and to all the people.

Okay.

It's very important that you start owning them and communicating them clearly.

Get excited about them.

And then when people start to know what you are all about,

What you care about and what you need and what you are doing,

They are more likely to support you,

To be excited with you,

To feel inspired by you,

Or maybe they will drift away.

And that's something that will happen too.

When you start practicing self-love,

You may need to start setting healthy boundaries too,

Because when you stay that need and someone else has an expectation that you are not willing to meet and you are,

And they are not willing to,

To find a happy balance.

Some people are going to get upset because deep down they are losing a part of you that no longer exists.

Okay.

When you are practicing self-love,

You are going to change who you are.

You're going to change the way you show up and you're going to change the things that you do.

When you change the things that you do,

Some people are going to get upset.

One example,

Imagine that you smoke and you want,

You want to quit.

Okay.

That's something that you want to quit.

It's your decision.

It's not someone else telling you,

You want to stop doing it because it doesn't make you feel well.

So how many smoking buddies do you have right now?

Probably a lot.

How much time do you spend smoking with other people?

Probably a lot.

So how many intentional conversations do you have with other people while you smoke?

Probably a lot.

So when you stop smoking,

What happens?

Those people are going to get upset because they are losing this.

You're you as a smoker,

You are not going to go out because there's smoke is gonna probably bother you.

So this is just one example.

When you start changing,

Your environment is going to change too.

And then there is a grieving process that needs to happen because you are letting go of a part of yourself that no longer wants to exist and you want to create something different.

Okay.

So just remember that everything happens in the now.

Okay.

Everything happens in the now.

Thank you so much,

Susan,

For your comment.

I am seeing it.

Okay.

Thank you so much for the,

So everything that I'm talking about happens in the now.

What does that mean?

It doesn't matter what you have done until now.

Okay.

It doesn't matter what you have done until now because you cannot change it.

The only thing that you have is your emotions about what happened in the past.

Okay.

That's the only thing that you have.

That energetic connection to those events that may trigger you in a positive way or in a negative way.

That's the only thing that you have in the present right now.

Okay.

When you have trauma,

The trauma cause stuff happening in you,

And then you react emotionally to that trauma because you are reliving that experience,

But the experience no longer exists,

But you have it in your body.

Okay.

It's really,

It's really important that you understand that.

We always have an opportunity to have a fresh start in the present moment now.

And also you can be very anxious about what's going to happen in the future.

And that's the other one.

So you can have the depressive side of things or the connection to emotions that are linked to events that happened in the past,

But you can also have anxiety about events that are about to happen.

Events that you are predicting,

Events that are out of your control and may influence you in a negative way.

But if you place a lot of attention and intention to that,

Then you are not going to feel well.

So everything happens in the present moment and self-love happens in the present moment.

Okay.

So knowing this,

The only thing that you have control over is what you are doing right now.

Okay.

What you are about to do in the next minute,

In the next five minutes,

Today,

Tomorrow,

Next week,

Next month.

Okay.

But you,

That's the only thing that you have the present moment.

So every time you find yourself with negative self-talk because you did something that wasn't right,

Or because you dropped the ball with a habit that you are trying to create,

Or maybe I told something to my wife and I regret it,

Or maybe I didn't do an intentional dialogue about something that bothered me.

Actually,

That's happening this week.

Three or four things are bothering me.

And I didn't take the time to say,

Samantha,

I need to do a dialogue.

And I let it build up to a point that she can sense my energy and it's not good.

And then instead of me going to the negative of like,

Emilio,

You suck.

You are an asshole.

No,

You say,

Okay,

Emilio,

You let it build down.

What you did didn't work and it's not serving you.

So how can I fix this?

How can I,

What can I do in the present moment now to love myself more and to have more love for others and for my wife,

Especially now.

So connecting with my heart,

Understanding what happened,

Why did I get triggered?

Why am I upset?

And then sharing that with her in an intentional dialogue so that she understands and we can clear that out because that's energy that builds up.

And when that energy is floating in the air,

It's very difficult to love yourself.

It's very difficult to love others because that's sitting in the middle there.

It's like a,

Like a cloud.

You cannot see the other person.

It's like,

Wow,

Let's get all this out of here so that we can see each other.

So with self love is the same idea.

Everything happens in the present moment.

Okay.

So it's important to,

To also get help when you need it.

Sometimes we are going through,

Through past events.

We are trying to understand our emotional triggers and sometimes doing it alone is very hard.

It's very difficult.

So getting some sort of external help sometimes is really helpful.

That help can be in many different forms.

Sometimes it's a therapist.

Sometimes it's a completely stranger.

How many of you guys were having a hard time or had a traumatic event and all of a sudden you meet a stranger that you don't know.

And for some reason you just feel comfortable and you just vent with that person and you feel amazing after.

How many of you had that experience?

I had it a few times and it's like,

How can I open myself so much to a completely strange people that doesn't know me at all?

And how do I feel so well after?

Okay.

Just think about that.

That's a form of help.

That person had the capacity at that moment to,

To listen to you.

That person was at the right time at the right place for you.

Okay.

And that person didn't have any emotional connection to yourself.

So you didn't have any baggage.

And this is what happens when you are trying to do this work with your partner,

With your children,

With your parents,

That there is a lot of emotional baggage involved.

So when you are talking about a specific thing,

There,

There is so much happening that so many times is very difficult to understand what is this crowd of emotions that I'm feeling with this person.

Okay.

And that's what happens.

You get emotionally attached and involved in so many different ways that it becomes difficult to,

To work on a specific thing because there are many things going on at the same time.

Okay.

So getting help sometimes it's needed and important,

And it doesn't have to be spending money on a therapist.

There are other ways too.

There are support groups that are good friends.

There are people that you know,

That they listen really well and they support you.

And maybe you don't see them all the time,

But you know that when you are going through that,

That person is the person to go.

So you will know who feels good to do that.

But sometimes a completely stranger that is willing and that's his job.

It's going to be way more efficient than someone who is,

Who is maybe not so willing to,

To do it.

Okay.

So how,

How do you practice self love?

Okay.

And now I want you guys to share in the chat.

How do you practice self love now that you know what self love is now that I have given some examples,

This is my cat by the way.

Now that I have given some examples.

So being kind to myself,

Okay.

Grounded in the present and encouraged me to not dwell on past trauma.

Amazing.

What else do you guys do that,

That is,

And I'm going to give more examples.

Okay.

But I would like to know what you guys are doing now for self love.

Hola,

Negrito.

Yeah,

That's my cat is here.

Time for myself.

Thank you.

Time for myself.

That's amazing.

What do you do when you are by yourself?

Taking breaks for fun and joy.

Say well done when I complete a task.

Taking a bath.

Taking time in solitude.

Going for a walk.

Watch a movie.

Journaling.

Dancing.

Positive self talk.

Okay.

Caretaking on a,

The beach therapy.

Watch a comedy.

Hiking in nature.

Daily meditations.

So guys,

You have a lot of ideas.

Deep breathing.

Hiking.

Cleaning my house.

Amazing.

So what is now,

What is something that is preventing you from practicing self love?

Or what is something that you want to work through to be able to do more self love?

I'm curious to know your challenges right now.

What's standing on your way for you to practice self love?

Laziness.

I think I don't have time.

The dialogue in my mind prevents me.

Fear of vulnerability.

Guilt.

Can you guys elaborate more of why do you feel guilty and why do you feel vulnerable?

Time.

Stay off phone.

TV,

Video games.

Be more intentional.

Schedule it.

Don't love myself enough.

Limitations due to chronic pain.

Unworthiness.

High expectations.

Bad habits.

Not feeling like I accomplished enough.

When overwhelm takes over,

It gets difficult until I feel calm again.

Worthiness.

Lack of trust in myself.

Being overly critical of my body stops me from practicing self love.

Amazing guys.

Awareness.

It's hard.

It's hard to practice self love when you are alone and feeling loneliness.

Negative self talk.

Challenge by setting priorities.

Procrastination.

Anxiety and depression.

Okay guys,

So you guys are sharing a lot of stuff and that's great.

So you are aware of some of the challenges that you are facing.

So now I invite you to go deeper into those of you who share an emotion and this is the way to work through this.

I am feeling guilty.

Start asking yourself,

Why am I feeling guilty?

And then answer that question.

And then whatever shows up,

Ask why again.

When you ask why a few times,

You are going to start getting to the root of that belief.

Because at the end of the day,

That's a belief system that you have.

Okay,

We all have belief systems in place that we learned when we were little.

We learned from our family members,

From the people who raised us.

We learned that from the people around us that we were able to see.

We learned them from the society that we live in.

And those belief systems create a blueprint of how we see the world.

Okay?

So some people may think self love is selfish because that's maybe what they heard.

That's what they saw.

Or that's what someone told them.

So start analyzing what is the belief behind the emotion that you are experiencing.

Self sabotage.

Self pity.

I am a perfectionist and anything I don't do perfectly feels awful.

So again,

Why does it feel awful?

According to who?

What is the standard?

What does perfection mean?

You know what I mean?

You need to start questioning everything.

High expectations on myself.

Emilio,

What book are you teaching from?

Roxanne,

There is no book here.

This is just me.

Okay?

I'm not following a specific book right now.

Sorry,

There are a thousand books on self love.

I didn't take any self love books today.

But I can in the future if you guys want to explore a specific book.

But I just want to give this session from my own experience for what I have seen,

What I have read from a thousand different books.

And this is my own definition.

And this is the thing I said.

Self love is going to mean something different for each of you.

Okay?

Your life situation is going to be unique to you.

The family that you had,

The society you live in,

The experiences that you experienced when you were little.

Everything is going to be different and unique for all of you.

The life events that you went through.

It's going to look different.

Some people have a lot of trauma.

A lot of traumatic events happened to them.

Some other people were lucky and they didn't have as many happen to them.

So that's going to like form a different kind of personality,

Different kinds of beliefs,

Different kinds of fears.

Okay?

That's why self love,

Self love is something different for each of you.

But at the end of the day is finding your own needs and owning them,

Communicating them clearly and protecting them.

Okay?

That's,

That's what self love means.

You can practice self-love in so many different ways,

So many different ways,

But some of the things that are standing on your way,

On my way,

On everybody's way are all the emotions associated to self love.

And you guys share pretty much all of them,

Like self-sabotage,

Perfectionism,

Procrastination,

Not worthiness.

So many things show up when you are trying to do self love.

Okay?

So that's why you guys have to understand that whatever happened in the past happened in the past.

Whatever someone did to you,

If you can understand that that person did that,

I,

I will not say unintentionally because the person did something to you that affected you or that person said something to you,

But I know that they were doing the best they could with the information they had at that time.

And sometimes even if we cannot understand that people do things because of something.

There is always a reason behind the things that people do,

Even if we cannot understand them in this present moment,

But there is always a reason that pushes someone to do something.

If someone did something to you,

Told something to you that was painful,

That was traumatic,

There was a reason for that person to do that.

Okay?

And when you are working with trauma,

Like forgiveness is very important.

A practice,

Huge self-love practice is to forgive yourself and to forgive others for the past because you cannot change it.

You cannot change what you did.

Okay?

The only thing that you can change is how are you going to behave from now on?

What are you going to choose from now on?

And that's why I was talking that the present moment is the only thing that we all have and we can choose to connect ourselves with that present moment and to see what feels good to us right now.

Okay?

And this is something that this week I haven't been doing.

Honestly,

I dropped the ball because I wasn't in my heart.

Things were coming to me.

I was feeling bothered and upset and I just didn't know how to do it.

But then I was sharing with Samantha,

Like I honestly didn't know how to do it because sometimes you don't know how to do it.

But that's already an awareness.

I don't know how to do it.

And then you share that with people.

I don't know how to deal with this situation.

What do you think?

I have no idea how to like get around this.

I know there is something in my mind that is telling me it's upsetting me,

But I don't really know why.

And then you start discovering why is this upsetting me?

And then you start discovering the pattern.

You start discovering the belief.

And then once you understand that,

Then you can release it.

You can do an emotional release.

Yeah.

That's basically really understand and release all the emotions associated with that,

With that event in a way that it's not that they don't exist.

They are still there and you can access them if you want to,

But they are not triggering you anymore moving forward,

Or at least you can manage them in a way that they may trigger you.

They will still show up,

But they are not so intense that they will paralyze you.

That's a secret.

Okay.

You have to start finding ways to manage yourself,

Manage the emotions that you are experiencing in a way that feels manageable and you can keep moving forward.

Okay.

That's an act of self love.

Okay.

So examples on how I practice self love and how I see other people practice self love.

And then after that,

I will invite you guys to share in the chat,

How you guys do it,

But some of the things that I'm happy to share using positive self talk,

Very important guys.

We all go to the negative self talk majority of the time.

Don't we?

Who here doesn't do negative self talk?

Just say me.

Just type it in the chat.

And who does?

Who finds themselves practicing negative self talk?

I do all the time.

Okay.

All the time.

Find myself,

Oh Emilio,

Why are you there again?

Why are you there again?

Okay.

So anytime you find yourself doing that,

That's when you say,

Okay,

I am going down the route of negative self talk.

So how can I turn this around?

So that's when you say,

I'm going to do a positive self talk.

So I'm going to in invert this.

So if for example,

I don't know,

An example that I saw the other day that triggered me,

What triggered me,

Like it was a good example.

A friend of mine,

He wanted to buy a computer charger.

And then he was so upset because he didn't bring his computer with him and then he bought the charger,

But then it wasn't the right one.

And then I was seeing him like,

And I have to tell him when I see him,

I forgot to tell him because he asked me like,

How do you see me?

He was talking so bad about himself out loud.

It's like,

Oh,

You're an asshole.

Why did you do that?

It's a waste of time.

And then he was going on and on.

And I was thinking great opportunity to,

If you catch yourself doing that,

Then how can I turn this around?

Okay.

You say,

Okay,

Emilio,

You did not a very smart thing today.

Okay.

That's fine.

You drove all the way to the other side of town to get a charger.

You didn't bring your computer.

You were not proactive enough to bring your computer to double check.

And now you drove back and then you have a charger,

You spent $25 and it doesn't work.

So instead of you keep with the negative self talk,

Then you think,

Okay,

What can I do next time to avoid this?

What can I do next time to make this situation better?

Okay.

Anytime in the future,

Anytime I buy a charger,

I will take my device and I will double check.

Okay.

That's one simple example,

But that negative self talk,

It's very draining guys.

It's very draining because this is just a very simple example,

But I know that the negative self talk goes deeper and deeper and deeper.

So try to turn things around.

That's one thing that you can do to practice self love.

And then going back to the basics is a huge practice of self love.

Eating well,

Sleeping well,

Drinking enough water,

Exercising your body.

Okay.

Keeping your physical body healthy.

Those things are basic things that if you do them,

That does a huge self love practice.

And when you do those,

You're going to feel better.

You're going to have more energy and you're going to have more consistency in practicing self love in deeper ways.

Okay.

Another thing that you can do be intentional.

How?

By start asking questions,

Intentional questions.

The more questions you ask yourself,

The more intentional answers you are going to receive.

For example,

Questions that I have been asking myself lately,

When it comes to work,

My question was look at the question itself because before when I started my business,

My question was,

How can I make a living?

It's like,

I don't know.

How can I pursue my passion?

I didn't even know what my passion was.

Right.

But over time now my question is,

How can I structure my week in a way that I only have two days that I have to work online and I make enough money to sustain my family?

That's my question.

So now what kind of answers am I going to receive when I ask that question?

Are they going to be very specific or are they going to be very broad?

So start asking deeper questions.

That's a huge practice for self love.

Anytime you're facing a situation that you need to make a decision,

Start asking deeper questions.

How can I do this while still X,

Y,

And Z?

Okay.

So for example,

Another question that I had is like,

And this was with my wife,

When we were creating our ideal week,

When we became parents and we were frustrated because we didn't have time to do anything.

And we knew that it wasn't working for us.

So our question was,

How can we create a week that allows us to work,

Allows us to be great parents for Eva,

Allows us to be great husband and wife and have time for us and allows us independent time too.

Okay.

That was our question.

And that's how our ideal week unfolded.

Okay.

So start asking more intentional questions.

Okay.

Create your own self care list.

Amazing tool.

I talk about this all the time and I have my own self care list.

A self care list is a list that you will create for yourself with activities that make sense to you.

Activities that allow you to feel better.

Activities that are so simple.

They don't require time.

A lot of time,

They don't require money.

They don't have to require anything.

Just,

Just you wanted to do them.

Some of my self care activities are deep breathing a few times,

Playing my singing ball if I'm at home,

Juggling my balls,

Playing my guitar,

Doing some affirmations,

Listening to something uplifting.

Okay.

Cooking a great meal and putting a lot of love into that meal.

Like whatever you feel,

This is your own choice.

You can come up with whatever makes you feel good.

Having a bath,

Reading a book,

Watching a comedy,

Going for a walk around the block,

Whatever that is for you.

And if you have time and if you have money,

Then you can include things that will take more time and things that will take more money.

That's fine,

But make them simple so that you can do them doesn't matter what.

Self care list is very powerful.

And how many of you guys have a self care list?

Just type it in the chat.

Do you have a self care list?

Yes or no?

Yes.

Yes.

No.

I do.

It's too long.

No.

I made one because of you.

No.

Great.

Get a get on a stack.

No,

No,

No.

Yes.

Thank you.

Yes.

Okay.

So some of you have it and some of you don't.

And that's fine.

It's perfect.

It's perfect the way it is.

If you feel that you want to practice more self love,

But you don't know how,

Creating a self care list can be the first step for you.

Why?

Because it's going to invite you to think about what you want,

What you need.

And then the more you do this,

The better that list is going to get.

And when you have a list,

You are going to share that list with your husband,

With your wife,

With your partner,

With your flatmate,

With your coworker,

With your best friend,

With your family members,

Whoever.

And you're going to say,

Hey,

This is my self care list.

These are the things I want to do.

And then when you don't feel well,

Like my wife does,

She will come and she will say with my self care list,

Emilio,

You are cranky today.

You are cranky today.

Have you done any self care activities?

Can you please juggle your board for a minute in front of me?

And I have to do it because it's like,

Yeah,

You are right.

I have to do it.

I do it.

And then guess what?

I have a smile on my face and then I am in my heart again.

So that's a huge self care and self love practice for me.

Okay.

So create your own self care list.

When you create the self care list,

A few tips,

Okay?

If you are having a challenge,

Even creating one,

Just create three to 10 things that are really simple.

Okay.

And you can do them anywhere you are.

Deep breathing,

Drinking a glass of water,

Maybe like doing five pushups,

Whatever it is.

Okay.

Once you feel comfortable with having a few things and you are feeling more creative,

Then you can start thinking about what are things that I can do when I'm at home?

What is my self care list when I am working?

If you work at an office eight hours a day,

For example,

You need to have a self care list for your office because if you have a self care list based on your home and you are at work eight hours every day,

Guess what?

You are not practicing self care because you can't because maybe you say,

I want to pet my cat.

I want to play my singing ball.

I want to do,

We use my climbing board,

But you don't have those things at work.

So try to think about things that you can do at work too.

Okay.

I have my self care list is I have a things that I can do things that I can do with my daughter,

Things that I can do with my wife,

Things that I can do with myself,

Things that are relaxing,

Things that are things that take less than five minutes.

And guys,

This is my self care list.

I can show it to you.

You can see that has different colors.

You have some drawings.

And then I have,

Yes,

I came up with things that make sense for me.

Okay.

I have things for sport and exercise.

I have things that are relaxing and fun.

I have things that are physical.

I have things that are social.

Okay.

This is,

But again,

This is the result.

This list is the result of me doing this exercise for a really long time.

So if this overwhelms you,

It's okay.

Don't do this.

Not yet because you are getting ahead of yourself.

Okay.

You can get started with three to 10 things and that's it bullet points.

Okay.

You don't have to kill yourself trying to create something that is too long or too difficult.

And then the secret is to start practicing it every single day.

Okay.

Start practicing every single day.

That's why it has to be very simple guys.

If you,

If you put on,

On your,

On your to-do list,

Self care list,

I want to meditate for 15 minutes.

How likely are you going to be to do that?

Are you likely to do that?

How likely are you going to meditate for 10 seconds?

I am going to meditate for 10 seconds every day.

How likely are you to do that?

I,

And if you take it further,

You will say,

I am going to meditate for 10 seconds before drinking my morning coffee.

And this is what I talk about in other sessions,

Habit stacking.

So now you will remind yourself that every time you are drinking coffee,

Before you drink the coffee,

You are going to meditate for 10 seconds.

How many of you can do 10 seconds of meditation?

I'm pretty confident that everybody here can do 10 seconds of meditation.

How many of you can do 15 minutes?

Most likely not many.

How many can do an hour?

I don't know,

Way less people.

So start thinking about that way,

Because when you start forming that habit,

That self-love practice,

It's going to become a habit because the more you do it,

The easier it's going to be and the more automatic for your brain is going to be.

That's why it's important to create a self-care and self-love list that can be easily doable.

Okay.

So guys,

What else comes up for you?

Ways to practice self-love,

Self-care.

To me it's the same thing.

Self-love,

Self-care is the same thing.

What else can you think of that you are going to include in your self-love,

Self-care list?

Please write it in the chat.

I'm happy to read it.

So Amy says less than five minutes,

Relaxing and fun,

Exercise of movement with a friend or spouse at home and at work.

Those are the categories to create my self-care list.

Amazing.

Positive self-talk,

Insight timer,

Meditations.

Amazing.

Watching live sessions on insight timer.

A little longer in the shower.

Adult coloring book.

I love it.

Do intentions,

Going to talk to others more about what I want to do.

Amazing.

Sharon,

Love that.

Guys,

Communicate with others.

Share what you want to do.

Get excited about it.

Okay.

Get excited.

Making opportunities for connection with friends.

Amazing.

Amazing ideas.

So guys,

Start thinking about that.

Drawing without perfection.

Let go of perfection.

Amazing.

Singing.

Reading my buddy's magazine.

Cut out beautiful pictures.

Watercolor painting.

Amazing.

So as you see guys,

There are so many different ideas.

Okay.

And to wrap up the session,

What I want you to take out of the session today is this.

Self-love is not selfish.

We all need to be loved and we all need to love others.

So start practicing that with yourself.

And I want you to go with your day with this picture in your head.

Okay.

I want you to close your eyes.

I'm going to play my singing ball a little bit.

I want you to close your eyes,

Please close your eyes.

And I want you to visualize a little baby.

Let's say one year old.

Okay.

A little beautiful baby,

Chubby legs,

Chubby arms,

Beautiful smile in his face or her face.

Okay.

And then the baby's trying to walk.

Okay.

He's trying to walk.

And then he just falling down,

Standing up,

Falling down again,

Rubbing to the couch.

He's just failing all the time.

I want you to think,

How would you treat that baby?

How would you treat that baby?

Would you tell the baby,

What are you doing?

You are failing.

You are a disaster.

Stop doing that.

Or would you praise him?

That was amazing.

You did two steps this time.

You will get this.

Don't give up.

So much fun to see you.

What would you do?

So now I want you to see yourself as that little child.

Just trying something different,

Trying something new.

And maybe not knowing how to do it yet.

But I want you to then treat yourself the same way that you would treat that baby.

That's what I want you to start doing.

Can you do that?

What would you do if that baby falls down and starts crying?

Will you hug him?

Love him?

Support him?

Just love him.

So why don't you do the same with yourself?

So that's my message that I want you guys to take with you today and this week hopefully.

Treat yourself the same way that you would treat that little baby.

Okay guys,

Have an amazing rest of your day and I hope to see you on Thursday,

Okay?

In the next session.

Thank you for being here.

Adios.

Reviews

Incredibly helpful recap of self-love and self care! TY Emilio for the clearly stated concepts, generous examples, and your supportive approach to this tender subject🙏🏼❤️