Including Others In Your Decluttering Journey

Complimentary session from my course "Creating Your Peaceful & Clutter-Free Home".
This journey will have a deep impact on your own life, and the life of all the people around you. You can share with others what you are doing and invite them to join you. Decluttering cannot be imposed on others.

This session is all about ways to help you with clear communication and creating healthy boundaries.

Transcript

Welcome back to day 7.

Thank you for being here.

In the last session you declared your intentions and connected with your life vision.

I am sure that you are getting very excited with all the good that is about to come into your life.

In the next session we will be covering how to find the time to create your clutter-free home because many of you may be thinking my life is already busy busy.

I don't have time to do this.

It's normal to feel this way and I promise you I will share great practical ways to start carving out time here and there so that you can start opening up more space,

More time and more energy for the things that you want in your life.

Before start taking action it's very important to include others in your journey,

Especially if they live with you.

If you start making changes and the people around you have no idea what's going on,

They may feel disrupted,

Confused,

Upset,

Disrespected,

Not heard,

Not included,

Offended,

Just to name some emotions that can arise.

Imagine that you arrive home one day and you find your home completely changed.

Things are moved around.

No one asks you anything.

You go to make yourself dinner and the plates are not what they used to be.

You can't find the calorie,

The spices are not in the right cabinet like always have been.

How would you feel?

Frustrated?

Surprised?

Overwhelmed?

Angry?

This is why it's so important to include your loved ones in this process.

Even if they say it sounds great and I don't want to be a part of it,

You included them in the process and they are giving you the permission to do this.

You need to find a way to communicate what you are doing,

Why you are doing this,

How important making these changes are for you and you can even share the exercises we did in the past sessions for them to see and understand you more.

They can even do them too.

Ideally,

I will ask them nicely to do the exercises with you or separately and then come back together and share.

This will be the best way to become aware of each other's needs and wants,

To become aware of the changes that everybody would like to make and to really understand each other's life vision and intentions.

When you do this,

Moving forward and finding the happy balance will be way easier.

You can then design together how every space in the house can look like,

What activities you are planning on doing in each space and if conflicts arise,

Because they most likely will,

It's a great opportunity to talk about them from a respectful and curious point of view.

It's way easier to compromise when you feel heard,

Valued and respected.

Someone in my circle,

Your Thriving Lifestyle,

Asked what are playful and constructive ways to find out about needs and wants of everybody,

To draw up a shared vision from there and to get into changing things together in a fun way while everybody is taking his part of responsibility in the process,

Like tips on how to become a better team in creating a great space to live in.

Isn't this a wonderful reflection and question?

And the answer to this question is to include them in the process,

To invite them to think about their life vision,

About the activities they would like to do in the rooms and in the common areas,

About how they want to feel at home,

How they want to use the kitchen,

About the family activities that everybody may enjoy,

Like Friday pizza and movie night,

Saturday board games night,

Yoga and meditation morning routine,

Just to name some ideas.

The secret is to get them excited and pumped to do this because they will benefit from it.

When you can learn what they love doing and you suggest to make changes so that they can do that thing,

They will be excited,

Inspired and ready for action.

I remember helping a family clean up a garage and the kids were thrilled when we showed up.

We declared the garage,

We optimized the vertical space usage and when we were done there was a big open space in the middle.

I then saw them dragging their hockey equipment out and started playing hockey.

They were so excited because the family had a meeting before we came and they wanted to be able to play hockey in the winter inside the garage.

That was the motivation they needed to get involved in the process.

They always put things back in its place because they want to keep that open space for their game.

You see,

This is the power of awareness.

It can have a huge impact in how we take action because we will take the right action that will serve everybody.

If you find a wall when sharing these ideas and they don't want to do anything,

Then you have to respect that too.

Not everybody is ready for this.

Not everybody cares about this.

I know that this is hard and I know that when this is your situation,

I recommend that you get started with your own stuff first,

With your own spaces first.

Many times when others see the transformation and they see you being happier and calmer,

They may feel inspired to join you.

And if they don't,

Then you have the opportunity to get some practice and some wins with your own stuff first.

You will start creating healthy boundaries,

Finding ways to communicate your needs in a nicer way and hopefully they will start seeing amazing results and will be more willing to be curious and talk with you about the common spaces.

Get curious about their hobbies,

Passions and things they enjoy doing and try to create a space that will facilitate just that.

Some of you may be dying to create your clutter free home and you may be living with others who don't care at all.

Maybe you are doing a lot of work to keep everything tidy and in just minutes they will create a mess and won't clean up after themselves.

I want to share what someone shared in my circle when I asked what they wanted me to cover in this course.

Family members,

Not children,

Are just saying that they are lazy or will do it later.

However,

In the meantime,

They are leaving a mess behind that only gets cleaned by me when I have time and energy.

In this example,

There is a toxic dynamic happening.

Family members are taking advantage of the person who always clean up after them.

This person clearly feels frustrated and unbalanced.

This person is involved in a dynamic that no longer serves her.

She tried to confront them and the excuse is I am lazy.

The conclusion is that it takes two to dance,

Meaning a dynamic will only work when both parts participate in it.

In this specific case,

I will suggest trying some of these steps.

Clearly communicate your needs and how you feel.

It has to be clear and precise.

Something like when you use the kitchen to make yourself a snack and then leave everything out,

It makes me feel not loved and not respected.

It makes me feel that you don't care about me and it makes me feel like you are taking advantage of me.

If words are not flowing out,

Then try to make a video and send it to their phones.

Try to write them a letter,

An email,

Whatever way may reach them,

And then have a conversation after.

Clearly request your needs.

In this case,

The request may be something like I am tired of tidying up after you and it is not my responsibility.

I will appreciate if you can take responsibility for your own stuff.

I am happy to show you how to do it if you don't know how.

If the other person is not willing to participate,

Listen,

Try to change and they avoid you and keep doing the same thing,

Then you can start creating a healthy boundary and getting out of the dynamic.

It may take a few tries to find the best way to do this and it will cause some conflicts at the beginning,

For sure,

But you can embrace this new boundary with love and positivity.

For example,

If they always leave a mess in the kitchen and you have to clean up always after them,

Maybe you stop cleaning dishes until there are none to use.

You let the situation affect them in a negative way.

When they confront you about why you don't clean up the dishes,

You have to stay calm,

Loving and just say something like I love you honey and I told you that I was tired of doing dishes.

It's not fair that I am the only one doing them when we all use them.

I would love to have a conversation about how we can move forward in a way that will feel good.

Do you have time now?

Do you have any ideas?

This is just one example.

I hope you get the idea and the framework that you can use.

The most important thing is that you remain calm,

Loving and respectful to others.

No one will react poorly to love and compassion,

Even if they are being challenged,

Even if they scream at you.

If you don't get triggered and you don't react poorly,

If you remain calm and just state your point of view and ask for a conversation,

If they keep screaming at you or being disrespectful,

You can protect yourself by leaving the space and leave them alone.

You can say something like I see you being very upset.

I am going to give you space and time.

Let's talk once you are calmer.

But don't fall back into doing what you used to do because that's what the old dynamic is looking for.

If you start holding these new boundaries from a place of love,

Compassion and alignment with yourself,

It's just a matter of time for things to change.

You will no longer be a part of the same dynamics that used to drain you.

It's normal for this to take time.

Just think about how long these dynamics have been going on for.

They will not just dissolve into nothing in just a few days.

You have to stay grounded,

Connected with your life vision,

With your intentions,

Holding your space and always being calm,

Loving,

Compassionate and respecting yourself and respecting others.

Now I would like to give you some time for you to reflect about your own situation and how you share your space with others.

I hope this session brought some light into ways to include your loved ones in your crater-free journey.

I would love to support you further,

So please share any questions,

Share your specific situation,

Your specific toxic dynamic you are trying to change with details and I promise I will answer you with an audio response.

Thank you so much for finishing this session.

I am looking forward to being with you in the next session,

Where you are going to learn how to find time to make your transformation a reality.

Until then,

I hope you have an amazing rest of your day.

Adios.

Reviews

This is great advice, Emilio🌼 I like the video suggestion for communicating your needs. 🙏🏻 Thanks 💝

Empowers cooperation for moving forward with agreed-upon goals. Thank you, Emilio!