Get Started Before You Are Ready - Failing Towards Success

Failure is a part of success. If you don't allow yourself to even try because you are afraid of "failing" you will miss out on amazing things in life. Learn the art of failing towards success. Start reframing your reality in a way that motivates you. Learn how to trust yourself and life more.

Note: This is a Live Session Recording.

Transcript

So welcome back to another session.

If you are,

I repeat it.

And if you are brand new,

Please let me know in the chat and I can say hi.

I'm so happy to be with you today and talk about this topic.

Today's topic is getting started before you are ready.

Basically learning through failure or failing towards success.

That's the title that I chose,

Failing towards success.

And so happy to talk about this topic because this topic is,

It relates to decluttering.

It relates to time management.

It relates to executive functioning skills.

It relates to minimalism.

All the topics that I normally cover in my lives,

This topic normally shows up.

And if you don't know about it,

I do have five courses on Insight Timer and I have more on my website too.

But basically you can find a lot of content on how to dive into specific topics,

On how to manage your time better,

How to understand your executive functioning skills,

How to declare your home and your life,

How to apply minimalism and how to practice self-care.

And one of the things that normally shows up is that fear of doing something new.

Is the fear of failing.

Is the fear of not being good enough,

Of not knowing how to do it.

So we stay where we are at because it's familiar,

It's comfortable,

It's safe,

And we procrastinate what we really want.

But we really want.

So happy to see you.

Hi,

Diane.

Hi,

Rachel.

Hi,

Lorna.

Thank you.

You are new.

Welcome.

So happy to see you here.

Hi,

Maura.

Hi,

Lisa.

Yeah,

So thank you so much.

That describes me perfectly.

Well,

I think I can talk for everybody here,

Myself included,

That it is,

It is when we are approaching,

When we are trying to do something new,

When we are trying to change a habit,

When we are trying to do something in life that is,

It's new,

That we don't have never done before.

It's normal to really feel the fear,

Feel that anxiety of,

Oh,

I don't know what's gonna happen,

Right?

I don't know if I'm gonna do it right.

I don't know if it's gonna be good.

And there are a lot of things that are happening in the background here that I think are going to help you manage that better.

Some of these things are executive functioning skills that are going to help you first notice what's present,

Okay,

When you are encouraging,

When you are confronting a new situation,

When you have decided to start a new hobby,

Apply for that new job,

Do a public speaking,

Write a book,

Do something that takes you out of your comfort zone,

It's normal to feel emotions.

It's normal to really feel anxiety,

Overwhelm,

Fear,

Procrastination,

You don't wanna do it,

You are avoiding it.

All those things are normal,

And they may show up in many different ways for you,

Depending what you are planning on doing.

So the first step here is to really notice that.

You're gonna be using your executive functioning skill called metacognition.

Okay,

That skill allows you to see,

To reflect and to see what's happening in the present moment.

So you're gonna be in the present moment with yourself,

And you're going to notice what's present for you.

What are you thinking about?

What are you feeling?

And how are you acting?

What are the steps that you are taking?

When you can bring a lot of presence and awareness to that present moment,

And you can watch yourself in that state,

It's gonna be easier for you to then use another skill that is called emotional self-regulation.

That skill is going to allow you to do something with those things,

With those emotions,

To at least don't react to them really quickly,

And be able to be in the present moment with them,

Notice them,

Allow space for those things to be there,

And really understand them,

Accept them,

Validate them,

Because they are true to you right now.

So that's the emotional self-regulation piece that allows you to stay calm,

Like regulated,

Because if not,

It's very easy to go down into the anxiety path,

To go down into the overwhelmed path,

To go down into a place where you're gonna be too emotionally charged to even think.

And this is what happens when we are confronting a situation that is scary.

We stop thinking because we get on this survival mode,

And then our priorities to survive,

We stop breathing properly,

We stop thinking properly,

And we are ready to run,

We're ready to fight,

We're ready to just do something about this anxiety that is happening.

That's why it's important to self-regulate,

To find ways to cope with those emotions so that you can stay in a place that you can keep thinking,

You can keep choosing the best option in the present moment for you,

Okay?

And then when you are there,

You start using another skill that is called cognitive flexibility,

Or adaptable thinking.

And that is the skill that allows you to really see all the possibilities that are in front of you.

It's the skill that allows you to be flexible,

Allows you to start choosing different things,

Adapting to what's happening flexibly,

Okay?

And so you're gonna be using a combination of those skills.

Another skill that is really important,

Especially when you are approaching something specific and new that you don't know how to do,

Is the task completion,

Okay?

Task completion is another executive functioning skill that is going to really affect how you feel.

So let me give you an example.

If you are trying to do a new activity,

And you are going to define what success means,

You are going to define what you would like yourself to do.

If you define that as a really huge task that you know you won't be able to complete,

And you are going to fail no matter what you do,

That's going to cause a lot of anxiety.

That's going to cause a lot of resistance.

You're gonna try to avoid that because you're gonna try to stay safe.

So that is your task completion.

Another executive functioning skill,

Defining what it means to do that task,

Defining what success means,

Defining what the expectation is from that task from yourself.

So if you can work on that definition,

And you can change the definition of what it means for you to get involved in that task,

All of a sudden you can define something that feels better to you.

You can define something that is going to allow you to fail,

Take action,

But it's not going to be overwhelming or anxiety provoking,

Okay?

So this is some examples of these practical examples can be,

For example,

I am learning how to kite surf.

Yesterday I went to the beach with my wife,

And I was feeling all these things.

I was feeling anxiety,

I was feeling fear.

I was seeing myself in the worst case scenario,

The kite is gonna go up,

It's gonna drag me to a building,

And I'm gonna kill myself.

I was really on that state to the point that I was on the beach,

People were starting to kite surf because the wind arrived,

And I was feeling like,

I wanna go home.

And I was telling my wife,

I don't wanna do this today,

I wanna go home.

And my wife was like,

No,

Emilio,

You came here,

You have to show up.

And I was feeling fear because my definition was probably too high,

And I was really on that state of anxiety.

So I work on,

Okay,

Emilio,

Stay calm,

And then my wife help me,

Okay,

Let's go there,

I'm gonna help you inflate the kite,

I'm gonna help you carry the stuff one step at a time,

Take it easy,

You know how to do this.

So I started to do this,

Started to come back to the present moment,

Started to focus on what I was doing,

And started to really go to that future that doesn't exist,

That was creating anxiety.

And the result was that I was able to inflate the kite,

I was able to put the gear on,

I was able to take off the kite,

And I was able to do a few rounds,

And it was great.

That's what I needed to build my self-confidence because I didn't have it.

And if it wasn't because of my wife,

I would have come home,

And I would not have gotten in the water.

So that's another example of the self-regulation in process,

The definition,

Also getting support is really important.

Sometimes you don't have to do this alone,

You can get some sort of support,

Okay?

So Lisa,

Does he record his talks?

Lisa,

I do record every talk that I do.

I do record the audio feed,

And now I started recording the video also,

And you can find them.

Some,

I publish them on Insight Timer straight,

But some other ones,

I do publish them on my website.

So you can go to my Insight Timer profile link,

And in there,

If you click in the link,

You will see the options,

And one of the options says Insight Timer Recordings.

You can click in there and you can find how to access them,

Okay?

Okay,

I hope that that's helpful.

I'm reading the comments.

I see a comment about a cat.

Yeah,

Sorry guys,

The comments go really fast sometimes,

And I don't see all of them.

So if there is anything that you want me to read,

You can put it now,

And I will pay attention to it,

Okay?

The kind of kite that you can surf behind.

Yeah,

So the example that I was talking about was kite surfing.

Kite surfing is,

I have a 12 square meter kite.

It's a really big kite that it has lines,

And I attach to the kite.

So I have to put the kite in the air,

And if you go on YouTube and you search for kite surfing accidents,

You can see horror stories there.

But again,

If you do it properly,

There has,

Having accidents shouldn't be a problem.

But this is an example of how sometimes you need to fail to succeed.

Sometimes you need to take it easy.

Sometimes you have to redefine what it means to do the activity.

Sometimes the activity,

Instead of me,

For example,

With the example of kite surfing,

If my expectation is for me to go to the beach,

Do everything and get in the water and sail,

That's a really big goal that most likely I am afraid of.

But if I change the definition of what success means,

And maybe I say,

I'm gonna go to the spot,

I'm gonna familiarize myself with the surroundings,

I'm gonna talk with a few people,

I'm going to inflate the kite,

And I am going to practice on land,

And that's it,

That's it for today.

That feels more comfortable to me.

That feels more,

Or maybe I arrange one hour with an instructor so that he can help me do everything,

And that's what I need to feel safe.

And I still feel anxiety,

But it's not as much that I am blocked,

As much that I am frozen.

So sometimes it's really important to find what do you need to keep moving forward?

What do you need?

Do you need support?

Do you need to watch videos to learn from someone?

Do you need someone with you there?

What do you need to be able to keep taking action?

Okay?

In my case,

With that kite surfing,

Having my wife around was really helpful.

Having her encouraging me to go to the beach and pushing me through that fear that I was feeling was really helpful.

Having a community that I connected with through WhatsApp,

And there is a group of people that they say the wind is good,

This location is good,

It's helpful.

It gives me confidence.

So that's what I needed to move forward with that example.

Okay?

So do you guys have a specific example right now in your own life where you find yourself feeling stuck,

Feeling like stagnant,

Not wanting to take action on something that is important to you,

Something that you really want to do,

But you are finding yourself procrastinating that thing because you are feeling fear or you are feeling resistance,

Any kind of resistance that is preventing you from taking action?

So Rachel says book publishing.

Yeah.

Publishing a book,

Such a big deal.

And you're putting yourself out there.

You probably have to find an agent.

You probably have to get a lot of notes before someone takes you on.

There is a lot of steps that you need to take and it is a very scary task.

So it's normal that you feel resistance.

Can I ask you,

Rachel,

Have you seen,

Do you have any actions that you have taken so far?

Have you tried anything about the book publishing?

I am afraid to make a mistake.

I might self-publish.

Yeah.

So when we feel this,

Like Rachel is feeling now,

When we feel this fear,

Diane says,

Yes,

I am feeling fear about writing and not being good enough.

Yeah.

So this is a great opportunity for healing.

Why?

Because when you are trying to do something new that is evoking fear,

It's evoking anxiety,

It's evoking something not being good enough,

This is an opportunity for you to look at what's underneath that.

What is underneath you not feeling good enough?

What is underneath you being afraid of making a mistake?

What happens if you make a mistake?

Like the people that I admire that they have books,

Some of them,

They share that they sent hundreds and hundreds of applications and they always get no,

No,

No,

Not good enough,

Not interested,

Not a good topic until they found their opportunity and now they are best sellers,

Authors.

Okay?

I have many examples of those.

So for those people making,

Getting a no,

It wasn't a mistake,

It was one less option and then they moved to the next and they never gave up because they knew that that was important for them and they really had the consistency and the courage to keep trying because deep inside they knew that that was really,

Really important for them.

Okay?

So yeah,

So reflect about that.

What's underneath what I'm feeling,

Right?

What is underneath the fear?

What is underneath the not being good enough?

What is underneath of what if I make a mistake?

And then go there a little bit and explore what's present for you.

What is the fear really about?

And this is an opportunity for you to start healing probably limiting beliefs,

Wounds that you may have created along your journey in life that probably they are not true,

Probably you no longer need them.

Fear of making mistakes that don't represent my best self.

Yeah,

This is another thing that I wanted to talk about and thank you,

Becca,

For talking about that.

Fear of making mistakes that don't represent my best self.

So it's really important to detach the outcome and what you are trying to do with the definition of who you are,

Okay?

So whatever you are trying to attend doesn't represent who you are.

Your self-value,

Your self-worth,

Yourself as a person is not reflected in there.

That's one thing that you are doing that can go wrong,

Can go right,

But that doesn't represent define,

That doesn't define who you are.

And so many times we forget and we get attached to what we are doing.

We get attached to the outcome that we are expecting.

And of course,

If we don't expect,

If we don't get what we are expecting,

We're gonna be disappointed,

It's going to crash us because the reality outside doesn't match what we wanted inside.

But that's why it's important.

This is another example.

This has to do with that skill of task completion that I was talking about.

Defining what success looks like,

Defining what your actions look like and really defining very clearly what am I expecting from this?

And if your expectations are low and you take as much action as you can,

Most likely you're gonna do more than what you expect and you're gonna be in a place of I'm satisfied.

But if your expectations are really high and even though you do your best action,

It will never match that expectation because it's unreal,

It's unrealistic.

You didn't give yourself enough time,

Enough consistency,

Enough time to really get there.

So it's very unfair to put ourselves in that situation where we are expecting this much from us,

But we don't allow ourselves the time to learn,

The time to enjoy the process.

So it's very,

Very important,

Okay?

Very,

Very important to really work on that definition of success,

That definition of what am I expecting from this step?

And if you make it achievable,

If you make it doable,

If you make it less scary,

I promise you that you're gonna be more likely to really take action on that without feeling as much resistance.

So Kathleen says,

I have been battling with the idea of moving so many issues,

The country in 40 years worth of stuff,

Fixing up the house,

Looking for a new place,

The process of selling and buying and all of these by myself so overwhelmed.

Kathleen,

Of course you are overwhelmed.

Our home is a basic human need,

It's shelter.

Anytime we change anything that has to do with our shelter,

With our home,

The home that gives us stability,

That gives us a foundation to feel well,

Of course it's stressful,

Of course it's going to create strong emotions in you,

Of course it's gonna be overwhelming.

And this is one of the main life events that we can have happen to us,

That will shake us as a person.

Anytime,

Like I am living that now,

I am in Barcelona,

I am in this house with my family and we have to move out by the 31st of this month and we still don't have a place to go.

And I think I'm doing a good job of managing my emotions,

But they are still there.

And sometimes they are so overwhelming and anxiety provoking,

Not knowing where I'm gonna be living,

Where am I gonna be moving to?

I need to know more information to know what to do,

How to rent a van,

How to move my stuff.

Eva goes to school,

Do I need to change to a different location?

There are so many pieces to this puzzle that are very,

Very stressful.

And I understand where you are at,

It's very,

Very stressful.

So first validating that it is a very stressful situation and that's okay,

It's okay to feel what you are feeling,

That is the first step.

Then the second step would be,

What can I do with this?

How can I keep moving forward even though I'm feeling uncomfortable?

And this is also like,

I have a few bullet points here that I would like to cover about this talk,

Because I think that they relate to what you guys are sharing.

Like one of them is,

Any action is better than no action,

Okay?

It's really important that you take ownership of what you are doing.

You take ownership of your choice.

Even though you may not have all the information,

You are taking the choice of doing that thing,

Of pursuing that thing.

Maybe you don't know how long it's gonna take you,

Maybe you don't know what the outcome is gonna be,

Maybe it's very uncertain,

Maybe you're feeling overwhelmed by it,

But deep inside you are choosing that.

And it's important to take ownership,

To take control,

Say,

No,

This is what I am choosing.

I chose to be in Spain.

I chose with my wife to take this house for only four months.

I knew that it would be stressful.

I knew that we will need to look for another place.

So even though I am in this situation and it sucks,

I need to take ownership of the choice I made because we had another apartment for the whole year that we said no to.

So with that information,

That helps me at least take ownership and say,

This is what I chose.

So even if it sucks,

Even if I don't like the process,

This is what I chose and I take ownership.

And then any action is better than no action.

Sometimes it's true that self-care time is needed,

Reflection time is needed,

And maybe it's not the best time to take action.

And that's okay.

But majority of the times we have to take some action because if you don't do anything,

But you really want to,

That's not going to produce any results.

That's not going to give you any feedback.

You're not gonna learn anything and you're gonna stay in that fear,

In that procrastination.

And again,

This is your choice.

If you don't want to do that thing,

Then you have to own the choice.

I don't want to do that thing and let it go completely.

But if you don't want to let it go completely,

Deep inside you want to do that,

There is something there for you.

So then you need to take the ownership of the yes,

I chose to do this.

I have no idea how to make it happen yet,

But I am choosing this with all the consequences.

So now I have to learn,

I have to take some sort of action to move forward towards there.

Whatever that is,

Maybe I need to fail to learn something,

To adjust,

To go in a different path.

But if you don't take that step of failing,

You will not know what the next step is.

So,

So many times you have to fail,

You have to try something to gain clarity.

You have to take the best action you can to see what the next step is.

Because it's not that we have a map that with all the steps that we can follow,

Sometimes life is not like that.

And it sucks.

It really,

Really sucks because I would love to have a map with all the steps very clear.

And then I know what to expect,

But that's not the way it is.

And there is some mysterious in there and there is some excitement in there and there is some magic in there too.

But there are also a lot of emotions unfolding while we go through that process of feeling so uncomfortable.

Okay,

Kathleen,

You are very welcome.

Thank you for appreciating what a huge thing this is.

You are welcome,

Kathleen.

Sometimes just validating where we are at and accepting what we are at is so important.

Sometimes that's the only thing that we need to find the strength to keep moving forward is reminding ourselves,

Why did I choose this?

Like,

Why did I choose to move houses?

Why did I choose to downsize?

Why did I choose to sell my house?

And always remind yourself of the higher intention that move you into this direction of,

Yes,

I'm choosing this.

In my case,

With the kite surfing example,

When I came to Barcelona,

I told myself,

Emilio,

You are gonna be one year in Barcelona,

You are gonna live by the beach if you can,

And you are gonna practice the water sports as much as you can.

And then after that year,

You are going to decide if you want to pursue this or not.

So this is what I need to show up,

To practice,

To really feel complete about this.

Is this the sport I wanna pursue or I wanna give it up when I move back?

And that is where I am at.

I don't have the answer yet,

But I know I will find that answer through doing,

Through the action.

So the action for me right now is to just show up and keep practicing until I have a complete sense of like,

I don't wanna keep doing this anymore.

So then I will feel complete and I will completely let it go.

It won't be in the back of my mind anymore.

So this is what you guys have to do with everything,

Right?

It's either a yes,

Or it's either a no,

Or it's either a maybe.

But if it's not a complete no and it's in the back of your mind,

You have to take some action.

You have to ask for help,

Find support.

You have to learn.

You have to do whatever your intuition is guiding you,

Okay?

Whatever your intuition is guiding you to do,

Follow it.

And it will take you to the next step available to you,

Okay?

Yeah,

Mara says,

Asking for help is okay.

There are things I can do alone.

Yeah,

Absolutely Mara.

And sometimes even the thought of asking for support and asking for help and doing that,

It's already stressful.

That's already anxiety provoking for many.

I don't like asking for help a lot.

I would like to be able to do it myself.

But sometimes I have to recognize like,

With help it's so much easier,

It's so much more fun.

And sometimes getting help makes the process a little bit longer,

That's true.

But sometimes that's needed.

It depends on every person,

Okay?

Jennifer says,

I am also trying to declutter from 30 years in same house and I am not moving,

Overwhelming.

Yeah,

Jennifer,

So I want to congratulate you for doing this without moving.

So that means that you are being proactive.

And when you are decluttering,

You are confronting a lot of emotions.

You are confronting a lot of fears,

A lot of,

You are questioning your past and you are in some form healing because anytime you are confronting your belongings,

The choices that you made,

Everything that is in your home,

The way you live,

The activities that you do,

The hobbies that you are pursuing,

Your habits,

Everything is reflected in your home.

And sometimes it's really hard to confront those things.

It's really hard to make a decision about what do I want moving forward?

What is important?

What activities do I want to be doing?

What kind of lifestyle do I want to have?

How do I want to feel?

It's a lot of very deep questions.

So it's normal that you feel that way.

It's normal that it's overwhelming.

It is a very overwhelming process.

That's why I have a full course,

30-day course about creating your peaceful and clutter-free home.

That majority of the course,

I would say at least 50% of the course is all emotional processing work.

It's all practices.

It's all going back to the intentions.

It's all processing all the emotions when they show up,

How to do it,

And how to visualize what you really need and how to gain the clarity that you really need so that you can feel confident,

You can feel motivated,

How to improve the communication with other people that may live with you so that you guys are on the same page,

So that you guys can set healthy boundaries with each other and you can co-create a home that supports all of you that are involved.

So that's a really in-depth process,

And it's normal that you are feeling overwhelmed.

It's very normal.

Let me see what else.

Thank you,

Amy.

I think all your choices demonstrate courage and integrity.

First going to Spain for months instead of a full year,

Even learning Spanish and owning all the rewards and consequences.

Yeah,

Amy,

It's been a really tough journey sometimes,

I'm not gonna lie.

Sometimes I question,

Why the hell did I come here?

Why did we create all these tensions,

Right?

Because it's taking a big toll on us,

But it's also,

It's been a really healing journey.

It's really,

It's been a really intense journey in so many aspects that is,

I see it this way.

This change is putting us in a place of like,

We have to confront things way faster than we would have to if we were back home in the comfort of our normality and routine.

Now everything is out of routine and we have to confront so many things all at once.

And it is scary.

But again,

I own the choice.

I did choose this.

My wife chose this.

We chose it together.

And we knew what we were entering into.

And we accept the uncertainty.

We accept that we don't know what's gonna happen.

And that's scary,

But it is what it is.

So let me share some of the other things that I had.

When we experienced the fear of failing,

It's very normal that you,

That equals procrastinating.

Anytime you are procrastinating something,

There is always a reason why we procrastinate.

Sometimes it's an emotional self-regulation reason.

Sometimes it is a task completion,

Like defining the success and creating something so big that we don't see ourselves being able to achieve that.

So that can be another reason why we may procrastinate.

Sometimes we procrastinate because we need to have conversations.

We need to confront what it means to us for support and help,

And we just don't wanna do that,

Or don't know how to do it.

And it's easier to procrastinate than to get uncomfortable and question and face all those emotions that are coming.

So many times the fear of failing equals procrastination.

And that's why so many times,

It's better to just get started and start failing,

Take some sort of action so that you can get started getting momentum,

Learning,

Getting your hands dirty in whatever you're trying to do.

And that's better than not doing anything,

Okay?

That's better than not doing anything.

Yeah,

I talk about the emotional self-regulation piece and the cognitive flexibility piece.

So the emotional self-regulation skill allows you to process and to cope and to really manage the emotions that are showing up so that they don't escalate to a point where you don't know what you are saying or doing,

Okay?

So it keeps you in a place that you are still operating from a place of like being able to see all the options.

And then cognitive flexibility is the skill that allows you to see all the possibilities.

And there is something that,

There is an exercise that I find very helpful.

And I try to use this with people I'm helping with my family members.

And this is the exercise of really,

If you have to make a choice and you are feeling that fear of making a choice and you have like options,

It's very helpful sometimes to visualize extreme and what is the other extreme.

And then when you visualize yourself on worst and best case scenario,

So what will be the best case scenario if I do this?

And what will be the worst case scenario if I do this?

And then how will I manage the worst case scenario?

And how will I manage the best case scenario?

And then you will have the weight on both hands of each of those case scenarios,

The best and the worst.

And you are going to notice how you feel.

You are going to really think sometimes it helps me because the worst case scenario,

Even if it happens,

I realize,

Oh,

I still can do this.

I still can do that.

That's still another option.

And again,

Doing this from a place of feeling grounded when you are not emotionally charged.

So you have to be able to see,

You have to be able to be calm,

To be present,

Okay?

If you find yourself being very overwhelmed,

Very anxious,

Very like with a very intense emotion,

Bring yourself down first.

How?

Self-care.

Do something fun.

Go for a walk.

Do something that makes you laugh.

Watch a funny video of cats.

Watch an episode of a show that you love.

Go and see a friend that every time you see him or her,

He just makes you laugh so much.

And it's so nice to be in his company or her company.

Do something that helps you bring yourself down.

And then when you are down,

Then you can do this exercise and you can really realize,

Wow,

Even if the worst case scenario happens,

Like it's not that bad and I still have choices.

And then that will help you calm down.

At least it works really for me a lot,

Okay?

Defining success and the task completion,

Executive functioning skill that I was talking about.

Very important to really define something that you can achieve.

If you are trying to do something and it's a humongous task,

Try to break it down into smaller tasks so that when you start doing it,

You don't feel defeated.

You don't feel like you are failing all the time.

You create something that it's easy to succeed at,

Okay?

So for example,

For those of you who are trying to write a book,

Like if the task is to write a book,

That's a humongous task,

Okay?

So how can you break that task down into the steps that are required so that you can keep taking consistent action?

So maybe you have to explore book agents.

Maybe you need to learn how to self-publish.

Maybe you want to write X amount of words or letters every week or every day or every month.

Maybe you need to brainstorm ideas about a title.

So try to break down every step that is necessary and then break them down into a place that you can take action daily,

Weekly,

Biweekly,

Monthly,

Whatever you decide.

And then you start taking ownership and you start feeling well about this process.

And you accept that you may fail,

That you may not,

But at least it's a smaller fail.

It's not like a humongous fail,

Okay?

Amy says,

Repeat the first part of the exercise,

Please.

So the exercise,

Amy,

Is you take a situation that you have to make a choice and then you go to the best case scenario and the worst case scenario.

So what is the best that can happen?

If everything goes perfectly,

You will be here.

What is the worst that can happen?

You will be here.

And then you kind of weigh both options.

And then deep inside,

What we are doing here is if you are doing this exercise,

I promise you that in the back of your mind,

You want to do it.

You are facing resistance,

But in the back of your mind,

You really want to take action on this,

But it's very scary to do it.

So if for any reason you realize this is something that is not important,

I don't really want to do this and I don't need to put more energy into this,

Then let it go completely.

Forget about that and let it go.

Move on with other things.

If it's in the back of your mind and you really want to take action,

But you don't know how and you're facing resistance,

This exercise is going to help you understand best case scenario,

This can happen.

The worst case scenario,

This can happen.

And in my experience,

Every time I do this exercise,

When I go to the worst case scenario,

I realize that I have way more options than I think of.

And when you do this exercise,

When you are not charged,

Very important,

Don't do this exercise when you are emotionally charged.

You're feeling so overwhelmed,

So anxious,

You will not be able to see the options,

Okay?

So practice self-care,

Do something mindful,

Relax,

Do whatever you need to bring yourself down,

Breathing helps,

Movement,

Playing something can help you bring yourself down and then you can do the exercise.

And I promise you that you will see options.

And doing this exercise with someone else can be very,

Very helpful.

I always do it with my wife.

And then she starts,

When I go to the worst case scenario,

We start sharing ideas on what will we do?

And it's like,

Wow,

I can't believe there are so many options.

So then the fear disappears or reduces a lot.

So this is an exercise that really helps me take more intentional action.

So Emilio,

I am wondering why you wanted to move to Barcelona?

Curious is mine.

So Carolyn,

I moved to Barcelona with my family for one full year.

It was a one year sabbatical.

The intention behind this trip is for my daughter to learn Spanish properly,

For my daughter to spend time with my parents because COVID was really hard and my parents missed a lot of her growth.

They didn't have the opportunity to see her as much as I would have liked.

And for us,

For my wife to really learn Spanish properly,

For me to be around my friends,

Be close to water,

Be able to visit my family with Eva.

And also for us,

For Samantha and I,

For my wife and I to change the routine because we were 10 years in the same place and we are going back to the same place.

We were able to keep the apartment,

To keep everything there.

So we're gonna go back to the same life that we had before.

So that's nice,

But we are one full year here.

So that was the reasons,

Those were the reasons why.

Okay,

So what else?

Yeah,

Learning through mistakes.

So many times,

The only way for us to learn something is through making mistakes that I don't consider the mistakes many of the times.

They are just learning opportunities.

And you can have examples of so many things that you need to do wrong so that you can do them right,

But you're not doing them wrong.

You're not making a mistake.

You're just learning.

So would you say that a baby that is learning how to walk is making mistakes when he's falling down?

Would you consider that a mistake or would you consider that a process of the learning?

He's learning how to maneuver the legs.

He's learning how to apply the pressure.

He's learning the balance.

And the only way for him to learn is through repetition,

Repetition,

Repetition,

Okay?

So would you consider that he's failing?

I don't think so.

So then when you are trying to do something,

Why are we human adults so afraid of failing?

It's like,

But we have to fail.

I mean,

That's the only way to learn so many times,

Like especially when it comes to,

I don't know,

Anything sports related.

Like you have to just fail,

Fail,

Fail,

Fail,

Fail until you get it.

But you are not failing,

You are just learning.

Every time you go at it,

You are creating pathways in your brain,

You are learning new things.

And then at the end,

You will become a,

You will master that skill,

Whatever that is.

I am learning how to do the unicycle.

It's been two months.

Every day I jump on that thing.

Sometimes it's like,

I feel like I'm not making any progress but even a minute or two a day,

Now I'm almost going now.

It's incredible,

I can't believe it.

And that's the repetition,

The consistency and the brain doesn't know how to be on one with balancing.

It's just not something that I learned ever.

So,

But through repetition,

Through consistent fail,

I am learning now how to stay on it.

So the same with writing a book,

The same with learning any new skill that you are trying to learn.

You just have to do it.

You just have to go through the process of facing those uncomfortable emotions and failing,

Failing,

Failing until you get it.

That's the way to do it,

Okay?

So maybe changing the word failing for a different one that feels more inspiring.

You are discovering what doesn't work.

You are discovering what not to do.

You are,

I don't know,

Whatever you wanna define it,

It's gonna be better than to say that I failed because you didn't fail.

You are just learning what didn't work,

Okay?

So what else?

Yeah,

Accepting where you are at.

This is really,

Really important.

There are different emotions here that we can practice through this.

Anytime we are facing something that we are afraid of,

That we don't know how to do,

Let's just accept where we are at.

Like in my example of kite surfing,

I can pretend I know,

Or I can just go there and say,

Hey,

I am learning.

I will love some support.

Can you please watch me when I'm taking off there?

Or can you keep an eye on me if I'm on the beach and you see me struggling?

Because maybe I'm in trouble and I don't know how to get out of that trouble.

Like accepting where you are at opens the door for others to support you.

But you have to do that first.

And that's really hard sometimes.

So accepting where you are at,

Having the courage to go at it even though you don't have all the answers,

Even though you know that you're not gonna do it right,

But you are learning.

So the courage,

The acceptance,

Be resilient and have the flexibility to keep adjusting how it's needed until you start getting it.

But you can only do that flexibility piece when you are accepting yourself,

When you are forgiving all the mistakes you are making,

And you are just accepting the way it is,

Accepting how the situation is and accepting where you are at right now.

So,

Yeah,

And anytime guys that you are really harsh on yourself,

Like visualize that little boy,

That little girl learning how to walk.

And imagine that that's you.

You are learning how to walk,

You are learning how to write a book,

You are learning how to kite tube,

You are learning how to do whatever that is.

And then visualize that little one.

And what would you tell that little one?

Would you say,

Would you celebrate every step?

Or would you tell him,

Stop it,

You are failing.

What are you doing?

What will you do?

And then do that with yourself.

Have a little bit more empathy because it's so easy to judge.

But when you can visualize that little one,

You will never do that to a boy or a girl.

You will celebrate,

You will be so excited.

And they're not even walking there.

They are failing after failing after failing after failing.

And we are celebrating everything.

So imagine if you could do that with yourself and with others around you when they are trying something new.

How much more easier that will be.

Learn to ask for help.

Yeah,

I talk about that.

And then,

Yeah,

Being the humility piece of it is really important,

Right?

You have to practice humility.

You have to,

This is where I am at.

This is what I'm trying to do.

I don't really know how to do it yet.

I'm open to suggestions.

I'm open to support.

I need to learn whatever that is.

And also do whatever it feels good to you so that you can feel safe to keep moving forward.

Whatever that is.

In my case,

With the kite surfing example,

Okay?

I am trying to avoid an accident.

I'm trying to push through this discomfort of me going alone.

And I'm afraid of the sea,

Of the element of the wind that controls my kite,

Of the element of the water.

There are so many things that are going on.

So in my case,

I try to then,

What can I do?

What is the best I can do here to keep moving forward?

So in my case,

I love going to YouTube and watching other people showing me how to do things in a video.

So I'm learning how to self-land my kite,

How to take off my own kite,

How to rescue myself from the water.

So I'm putting myself in situations that scare me and I am going on YouTube and I'm looking for people who have been in that situation and what did they do?

What is their recommendation?

And for me,

It really,

It's a peace of mind to understand.

I visualize myself in this situation.

I visualize myself doing that.

And now when I go to the sun,

I will practice that and that will give me confidence.

So what is it that you need to gain confidence so that you can keep moving forward,

Okay?

So these are some of the things that I wanted to share with you today,

Guys,

About this topic of failing towards success,

Of getting started before you are ready.

Because you may not be ready ever to get started,

But if you don't get started,

You will not get ready.

So this is like,

Sometimes we wanna have all the answers,

We wanna have a perfect plan before we get started,

But we never have that plan because we never know all the information.

And that plan may change every time we keep taking action.

So we have to be flexible to keep evolving.

And that's why it's so important to keep going,

Even though it may feel that you don't know where you are going,

But at least you have the main intention.

You have the main choice that you made and you took ownership of that choice.

This is what you wanted with all the consequences.

So what are you going to be doing about it?

How can you,

What is the next step that is available for you right now?

And then take action,

Okay?

So another way to think about it,

Discomfort is part of the path for having our dreams come true.

I don't need to make the discomfort a problem.

Caroline,

Beautiful.

Just think about this guys.

If everything is comfortable,

If everything is certain,

If everything is predictable,

Are we really changing?

Are we really doing anything different or are we doing the same thing that we have done?

Just think about that.

If you want to change,

If you want to learn something new,

There has to be some unknown,

Some uncertainty,

Some discomfort because you are trying to do something that you have never done before.

You are trying to evolve.

You are trying to create a new habit and break an old one.

You are trying to declare your home and you don't know how to.

So if you do the same thing,

It's not going to feel uncomfortable,

But you are most likely not going to move forward.

So you need to find the edge,

Your edge.

That's gonna look different for each of you,

But you need to find the edge of,

I'm moving myself out of the comfort zone enough to change,

But not too much that I am too emotionally charged and I just shut down.

So what is your edge?

That's gonna look different for each activity that you are trying to do,

And it's going to look different maybe depending how you feel that day.

There are so many factors that are going to determine what that edge is,

But my only suggestion to you is find your edge every day in whatever you are trying to do and push a little bit more,

Just a tiny bit more.

And I promise you that this exercise is going to allow you to keep making slow and consistent progress,

And that compounds into a lot of progress.

Because if you do something even for one or two minutes a day,

Day after day,

Week after week,

You will get results and you will be amazed.

And it wasn't a humongous investment,

But you have to push through the discomfort,

You have to push through the motivation,

Through the,

I don't know how to do this,

Through the uncertainty and just do it.

Because that's what you chose.

Amy says,

If you play it safe,

All you get is safety.

That's true.

Amazing.

So guys,

Thank you so much for being here.

Thank you so much for listening,

And I hope that you can take some of these practical steps and start applying them into your life in a way that helps you keep making progress.

If I can support you further in whatever you're trying to do,

Let me know.

You can get my support through courses that I have here.

I have five of them.

You can get my support through coming to these live sessions.

You can get my support through listening to recordings that I have.

And also I am available to do one-on-one sessions if you want to get one-on-one support.

We can do that through a video call.

And I also support you using WhatsApp.

And I am finding a lot of success helping people through WhatsApp because it flows nicer than a call because I am there when the person is facing something,

They can share it there and I respond pretty fast,

And they can share videos,

Photos,

Audio voice messages,

And it really,

Really works well.

So whatever your choice is,

Whatever you're trying to do that feels uncomfortable,

Just allow yourself the time and the space to decide what's next for you.

How do you want to move forward with this?

Do you really want to do it?

And if the answer is a yes,

Just go for it.

Find the next step and keep moving forward and allow yourself to get support if you need to,

Whatever that looks like,

Okay?

Yeah,

And thank you so much,

Guys.

You can also support me with a donation.

I have seen some donations coming in.

Thank you so much for your support.

I really,

Really love these sessions.

I really love myself challenging to show up twice a week and keep finding topics,

Keep finding things to talk about,

And keep finding ways to keep connecting with you guys because it's also my work,

And it also helps me keep showing up in a way that I wouldn't if I didn't go do these sessions.

So thank you so much for your energy too,

Okay?

So guys,

I will see you on Tuesday because today is Thursday.

I will see you next week.

Until then,

I hope you guys have an amazing weekend,

And I hope to see you inside of one of my courses in the meantime if you want to keep learning,

Okay?

Adios,

Guys.