A Personal Story: People Pleasing And Hidden Resentment

In this raw and honest reflection, I share a real situation from my life where I unconsciously gave away my power away by people pleasing, not setting boundaries, and neglecting my own needs. I explore how this pattern led to frustration and resentment—especially toward the people I love most.

If you've ever found yourself saying "yes" when you meant "no," or felt depleted after trying to keep the peace, this episode may resonate deeply. I invite you to listen, reflect, and consider where you might reclaim your own power by honoring your truth.

This is not about blame—it's about awakening to our patterns with compassion and learning to choose differently.

Transcript

I want to share a real experience that happened to me a few days ago that demonstrates how I give my power my power away that really shows how I try to please everybody else except myself and that really shows how I become moody I become angry and I project that anger with the people that I love the most my partner my daughter in this case because we are traveling together in the motorhome and we spend a lot of time together and how I project anger towards them and frustration and how I discovered that that anger and frustration is actually towards myself through them so three days ago or four days ago we had to take the motorhome to the garage so we didn't have our safe haven I was in charge of FIBA in the morning all the way until 2 p.

M.

I had a call program at 12 and I needed good internet but the motorhome with the satellite internet wasn't there so I didn't have access to that and in the morning I was feeling anxiety about me being in a place with good internet because in the past with this specific person that I had the call we tried to have the call and it was interrupting every few seconds and we couldn't do it so we reprogrammed that call one week later and I know he's a busy man I know he doesn't have a lot of time and then he opened his calendar again to speak with me and I was afraid that I will do the same thing to him so part of me was very anxious about the day Samantha wanted to go to a spa place with a swimming pool and Eva was very excited about that and me too so we went there in the morning but part of me didn't feel right part of me was trying to create an environment where everybody will be happy Eva will be happy Samantha will be happy I will be happy and I will be able to do my call the day keep going I was 1030 11 a.

M.

And then it was getting close and there wasn't good internet in the swimming pool but they had Wi-Fi so I suggested Samantha I can do the call here do you want to stay but she didn't want to stay she wanted to go and have lunch and then so everything was happening and unfolding and I was getting more and more contracted more and more anxious more and more angry and frustrated because I couldn't control the situation so the idea of me doing this alone the idea of me planning this without having into account Samantha didn't even come to mind in that moment so that's how ungrounded I was that's how disconnected from myself I was from my true self I didn't feel I was allowed to do that so I was trying to create a scenario where everybody will be happy where every need will be met and in trying to do that I was neglecting myself and I was not honoring what I wanted truly and I had the opportunity to I had shows for Eva I had her phone I had some coloring so I had some activities to entertain Eva while I was having the call I could have said I'm gonna go to the coffee place at 11 with Eva I'm gonna set up I'm gonna make sure I am fine with the internet and then Samantha you can come any time to join if you like or I can see you at 2 p.

M.

Somewhere else that could have been one scenario another scenario could have been hey Samantha there is Wi-Fi here so I'm gonna stay with Eva here I'm gonna set up Eva somewhere so that she can watch shows and she can be entertained for an hour and then I will do my call here that there is Wi-Fi and then after I will go and join you in the wherever you are in the coffee place or wherever you go so that way we can all be included so those ideas didn't come to me in that moment and this is an example of how I was giving my power away how I was not creating the reality that I wanted how I started to resent the people around me and I was making them the reason why I wasn't getting what I needed I was blaming them I was becoming angry at them and then I was being mean to them I was being impatient with them I was being passive-aggressive with them all these traits were showing up because I was not honoring myself because I wasn't able to lead that moment in the way I needed and I could have led that moment with love with intention including everyone and setting clear boundaries I could have done that but I I didn't have the capacity or the ability to do it in that moment and I think all of this happened because the universe wanted me to realize this the universe wanted me to keep evolving in this specific leadership arena where I give my power away I don't do what I want and it takes a lot of effort for me to do that because I am overcoming mr.

Nice guy syndrome people-pleasing being afraid of creating conflict inability to say no to what's happening to honor myself inability to lead and be by myself doing what I want because it feels selfish in my nervous system it feels that I'm doing something wrong because I am abandoning everyone else from an attachment point of view what was happening here is that togetherness so being together and harmony with everyone around me means safety for me versus for other people being alone means safety not being enmeshed emotionally so I was trying to people-please I was trying to to create this environment where everybody will be happy and in harmony and in doing that I was completely neglecting myself I was molding myself into something that I didn't want to mold myself into I wasn't asking clearly for what I needed or wanted and I wasn't giving anyone the opportunity to help me or support me in that process so from the outside imagine being seeing this person that it was me that is getting agitated it's getting mean it's getting impatient you don't really understand why he's behaving that way he's not asking for anything concrete that you can do to help him and then being with that person becomes a burden becomes something like I don't understand what you want you are not requesting anything you are getting more and more mean and impatient and it's just not fun to be with you so that was me in that moment and it's so painful to see this but I want to share this because it's so important because many of you may do something similar and maybe you are not aware yet it took me this experience to become aware of this it take me this painful experience by the end I did cancel the call I never had the call with my friend and I felt horrible about that because if I wanted to stay in the gym and I just gave up it was just such emotionally charged for me and I was so ungrounded that I it wasn't even worth it to have the call at that time I wanted to hide I didn't want anyone to see me that way but I was able to send a message to my friend and say listen this happened and then I was able to share my truth I asked permission first but this is a brother of mine that I have sat in men's circle with and I have done my weekend we can experience that I did three years ago I did it with him so we have this special tie and he was able to hold space for me and then he was able to share his his experience in very similar situations and then he recommended a book called no most no more mr.

Nice guy and I'm listening to that book and that book is uncovering further discoveries for me dynamics that I engage in and the reasons why I create those dynamics and I engage with them the reasons why in the in my infancy and my childhood I learned how to do that that way and then now I have the opportunity to keep start showing up into every present moment on a different way start to see these dynamics unfolding and start doing something different with them start not engaging with them start setting the boundaries that I need without having to go to the extreme of being mean and being clunky doing them and asking for them I can still be loving and I can still set those boundaries while still including others in a way that feels good for me and in a way that also feels good for them I can show up and clearly ask for what I need without feeling guilty without feeling that I don't deserve it without not feeling worthy of it when I can overcome all these things all the sudden the situation becomes way easier to manage all the sudden I can receive help from others because they understand what's happening they know how they can help me and I'm clearly asking for what I need and want and I can receive a no from them too and that's okay if I receive a no or they are unable to help me with my request I will change and create something different that still honors me still honors them and still fills in integrity but I was not able to do any of these things and this is why I wanted to share this experience before I forget and I wanted to really share how my nervous system in that moment felt constricted how even though the theory was in my head even though I have read so many books and I am a teacher and I coach people I still fall into there I still lost consciousness I lost connection with myself I wasn't grounded I wasn't allowing myself to self-regulate and I was allowing the external circumstances to keep charging me and charging me and charging me emotionally to the point that I was I was completely gone and it was very sad to feel that way but it was necessary also at the same time for me to be able to see these things and for me to be able to take action and for me to be able to heal these things and start communication with all these different parts of myself that are feeling abandoned that are feeling unworthy that are feeling that they don't deserve to set boundaries who are they to ask for that I cannot have needs having needs is needy and that's not nice and people don't want to be around needy people so all these limiting beliefs started started to surface and when they surface and I can see them and they become conscious to me and I can also share them with others and be seen in them they start to dissolve they start to just disintegrate and that is what I'm going through right now and being in the motorhome and spending a lot of time with my partner Samantha a lot of time with my daughter Eva and having to decide having to create pockets of time all of that is getting amplified to the point that I cannot hide anymore from these things so it's forcing me to really look at them to really decide I want to stay grumpy and ungrounded or do I want to step up and do something different and to the best of my ability I am trying to step up and do something different but it is painful it is clunky as Samantha was mentioning in our latest dialogue yesterday it feels chaotic it feels that we are in harmony and all the sudden we are in chaos again it feels that we are doing taking one step forward and two steps backward and what I was telling her in that moment is that to me that feels like positive disintegration this is a really cool concept that basically states that positive disintegration means that you have to disintegrate what you no longer want so that something new can be created in this case I am disintegrating these people pleasing this powerlessness this limiting belief that I don't deserve to create boundaries I don't deserve to have needs everything I do has to please everyone around me and I cannot do it alone if I want to all these beliefs get disintegrated so that something new can be created and in the meantime transitioning from the old to something new there is this neutral there is this chaotic in between that is uncertain is chaotic is unknown and it's gonna be clunky and I'm gonna step into that void because I no longer want to do what I have done so basically I don't want to stay in the familiarity of the past I don't want to be stay in the predict in predicting something that my mind can predict in the future because it's gonna be more of the same so my only choice is to be in the unknown in the present moment trusting that whatever I need is gonna show up and taking the next available step in that moment for me in that healing journey and trusting that the next one will show up at the right time so that's what I'm going through that's one of the recent experiences that I wanted to to share with you hopefully this helps someone else hopefully me being vulnerable and sharing these opens your heart a little bit that maybe helps you connect with some of these maybe dynamics that you may see in your life so feel free to share feel free to to reach out if you want to and this is such a powerful stuff and yeah I just want to share it with you because I know it's gonna help others and it's helping myself me being seen in here by you it's actually helping me a lot me taking the time to verbalize with words my experience and putting it out here for others to to see me it's helping me disintegrate what I no longer want it's helping me stop hiding from it it's helping me stop allowing all these things to control me in the privacy of my life that's why I feel is so important for me to show up to share this to be seen and in me doing this hopefully spark something in you to do the same so good luck I'm here if you need any support and I wish you all the best in your journey

Reviews

Thank you for this very insightful meditation Emilio, it certainly resonated with me and helps me to understand myself and past behaviour a lot better. Namaste 🙏🏾☀️

Absolutely relatable. Thank you for your authenticity and vulnerability.

Such clarity and honesty is so helpful for gently addressing habitual people pleasing and its implications Thank you 🙏

Emilio you are such a soothing, heart-inspiring Blessing… thank you for sharing… this completely resonates for me and your words of your experience sang support to my imperfect-self… DOing my best with what I have as I lean into growing my awareness and responding differently… a powerful share. Thank you for entrusting your vulnerability so I got to hear this xxx
Much Love
All Ways xxx
💜🦋🌈🙏🌈🦋💜

Thank you for sharing. I definitely relate to these people pleasing tendencies 😅

Good morning Emilio, I admire your courage and honesty, your willingness to be visibly vulnerable in order for other to learn through you. I am really grateful to have come across you along my path of self discovery.

Really appreciate your openness and I felt comfort and connection in hearing you share about falling into patterns you “should know better” about, I use those words for lack of a better way of putting it . Also interesting new perspective on things being chaotic when you are releasing old behaviours.. it’s refreshing to hear the realness as we can often fall into thinking it’ll all be blissful then feel like we’re doing it wrong when it gets clunky and awkward !

Hey Emilio, this empowers me to identify my patterns of behavior and what influences my emotions and decisions. The term you explained, positive disintegration, is new to me, yet already strengthens my ability to create possibilities that will arrive. It makes sense to practice what it feels like to be in the present moment versus staying in familarity or prediction.

Plus, your vulnerability offers courage to open one’s heart. It’s beautiful to witness the ways you support yourself on your journey toward wholesomeness.

With increasing gratitude, thank you for sharing your lived experience. May your road continue to be paved with the satisfaction of honoring your self-love. ❤️

Oh my, thanks Emilio! This is my journey currently! People pleasing from infancy for safety…. I need to find extra help with this as I am not making much progress, and find a book like you have for women or neutral…

I very much appreciate you sharing this recent epiphany, Emilio💜🙏🏻✨, especially in your vulnerability ❣️I totally get this & have struggled with it most of my life, though, like you, am working on it a lot & have made progress.🤍 Especially love the reflection on connected boundary-setting💞, where it then benefits you & those around you, making it easy for them to help when they are able to.💎 2 fire signs, your child & a cat 🐈‍⬛ travelling & working in a motor home in another country, each day an unknown (& a fresh start)…that’s the embodiment of pure courage & resilience right there🤩💪🏻🙌🫶Thank you for your continued wisdom, guidance, authenticity & sharing❤️‍🔥

What a beautiful talk, Emilio. I applaud your ability to see those dynamics and glad to hear you have a buddy to process things with. 🔆 may you continue to pave the road to your most authentic self and have your needs met. Sending much love your way and wishes for beautiful blessings in your journey. thanks again for this recording! 🌺

You are an excellent storyteller, Emilio! This was powerful to listen to and has given me some insight and courage to be more self-expressive around my own experiences and behavior! Thank you!🙏🏽