Being Okay With Not Being Okay

This is an exclusive preview from one of the chapters in the upcoming course, "The Art Of Illuminating Darkness," written by Reuben Lowe & Elliott Treves. This particular chapter focuses on accepting our darkness without accepting our defeat so that we may find our true guiding light as we navigate our way toward liberation. Accompanied by a forest brook, birdsong, and caressing synthesizers. Ending bell included. Thank you for your donations~

Transcript

Welcome to the art of illuminating darkness.

Being okay with not being okay.

We are here for you because you are here for you,

Ready to put the practice in.

Let's be realistic.

Sometimes life is great,

But sometimes it's hard.

It's our guess that even if you're rolling along nicely now,

That you know someone who isn't.

Because we all struggle at times.

It's the common humanity within us.

Every single one of us.

So whether you're okay or not at this moment,

Let's set the scene here.

Because if you're not okay right now,

Here's an opportunity to help you grow through this.

If you are okay right now,

We hope that this can help you for those times when you're not.

Sometimes the situation that we struggle with is a temporary one.

Sometimes it's a long-term one.

It's our hope that today's insights and practice will help you to shed light upon the darkness.

And these skills will empower you,

Or someone else that you know who's struggling,

To take one foot and put it in front of the other,

So as to help you pull through a tough time.

This is not to deny whatever it is that you're going through,

But to take the first step towards illuminating it.

And the very first step to illuminating the darkness is the art of being okay with not being okay.

Put simply,

The art of giving yourself the right to open up and be you,

For whatever the situation affords,

To allow,

Make room for whatever it is that you're experiencing on the inside,

In a way that lightens the burden of the darkness that we all go through.

As neuroscientist Rick Hansen states,

The brain is like a Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones.

And this is heightened when we go through a tough time.

Not only do we get caught up in judgments about self,

Other people,

And the external world,

As if that wasn't bad enough,

Our minds also judge the experiences that we have inside the skin.

That means the mind judges our thoughts and feelings too,

The very thoughts that it gives us in the first place.

This means that when we feel that life is on top of us,

It's normal for us to have even more thoughts about our feelings,

Even more thoughts about the very thoughts that we're having in that moment.

Then we're caught up in the mind,

A game of struggling more than necessary.

In other words,

We're caught up in not being okay with not being okay,

Struggling with not being okay.

When this happens,

It's easy to see through the lens of the glass half empty.

For example,

Looking through the lens of,

I feel bad.

It can feel as though we're always going to think and feel the same way.

And that mindset of now,

When we're going through that tough time,

We project into the future as though it will be the same mindset that we have in that future.

Without the inner space,

This art of allowing,

When we buy into unhelpful thoughts and resist our feelings,

It sets us up to struggle.

We create an inner resistance for ourselves,

The struggle to feel better.

When we're struggling to think better and feel better,

We're not okay.

In her book,

Emotional Agility,

Award-winning psychologist,

Researcher and author,

Suzanne David,

Calls this inner avoidance the enemy of the good and states that our unwillingness to face discomfort is the problem.

Resisting our pain only amplifies it.

We suffer not because life is painful,

But because we resist our pain,

Because we don't open up and allow our thoughts and feelings the space that they need.

Here's the formula.

Suffering equals pain plus resistance.

Suffering equals pain plus resistance.

Inner resistance caused from number one,

Buying into the unhelpful thoughts that pass through our heads,

And number two,

Struggling with our feelings,

Not being willing to open up to our feelings.

This can happen consciously,

But it can also happen unconsciously.

The default mode when we're caught up with unwanted thoughts and feelings is often one of inner resistance.

Also,

The mind tends to try and think its way out of things.

But when we try and think our way out of feeling,

We just stay caught up in the mind,

Which is always trying to judge,

Analyze,

Compare,

Contrast anything and everything,

Including our experiences inside the skin.

When we are not OK,

It's because we just need to allow whatever we're feeling and thinking to be processed in a healthy way,

Allowing space for those thoughts and feelings.

But we are programmed to try and feel better.

This can work for us sometimes,

But it also sows the seed in the mind,

Which causes us to struggle when we're not feeling OK,

When we're not thinking OK.

What would it look like for us to simply feel whatever it is that's coming up for us,

To feel our feelings simply as feelings?

Simply as energies in motion.

When we are sick,

We know to take medicine to feel better.

But when we're not feeling OK,

There is no medicine to take.

There is usually no definite thing for us to do that will solve the problem of how we're feeling.

If we keep trying to look for solutions to not feeling OK,

We simply put off the inevitable process of feeling our feelings.

And sometimes it can be just a subtle dissatisfaction of what's going on.

Sometimes it may be more than that,

An apprehension or anxiety.

Sometimes it could be a drop in energy or like we feel low in mood.

Anything at all that the mind will tell us we shouldn't be feeling like this,

Or something is wrong with how I'm thinking or feeling.

So opening up to our feelings goes against the grain of what we are taught.

To experience feelings as feelings,

Energies in motion,

Instead of through the lens of good,

Bad or positive,

Negative.

In the short term,

It can feel uncomfortable.

In the long term,

It helps with our emotional growth.

It's OK to feel sad.

It's OK to feel scared.

It's OK to feel uncertain.

It's OK to feel grief.

It's OK to feel lonely.

It's OK to not be OK.

Here's those feelings again,

A mixture of feelings that I can't even find a name for.

Why do I keep feeling this?

I go for another walk around the block.

Is it sadness?

Is it anxiety?

Is it stress?

May it be a touch of guilt?

Or is it just disappointment?

I could go on with these names,

But never get to giving these names energy.

Yes,

I could go on with these names,

But never get to giving these energies in motion a perfect name.

Do they actually have a name?

People say I should feel better soon.

People say I should be grateful for what I've got.

They tell me to think positive,

Then I'll feel positive.

This doesn't seem right.

Some of them are my family.

They have good intention,

But it's like they don't really know.

Can they ever really know?

Sometimes they're just impatient with me.

Has this really been going on for so long?

It's hard to feel positive when I'm struggling with myself.

It's impossible to access positive thoughts when I'm really not okay with myself.

Can it be okay to feel sad?

Can it be okay to feel scared?

Can it be okay to feel uncertain?

Can it be okay to feel grief?

Can it be okay to feel lonely?

Can it be okay to not be okay?

Now is the time to have a practice.

Here you are right now.

Whether you're actually going through a tough time or not,

Putting the practice in can really help.

This didn't happen by accident.

You being here now.

You came here for a reason.

You came here to nurture your own well-being.

Give yourself the right to be here now.

Relax.

Focus your attention to the place where you usually experience feelings,

Emotions,

And get a sense of what your internal weather is like.

The energy is in motion,

The buzz of apprehension or the hum of contentment,

A heaviness,

A lightness,

Desirable,

Undesirable,

Or neutral,

Maybe even numb.

You might wonder and notice if there's something aching inside.

Sometimes we can even have a vulnerability that may have not even been addressed,

Unless we can feel into it to get the answer.

Whatever the energy,

Even if you feel numb or neutral,

This is part of being human.

This is what living,

Caring humans experience.

Part of what keeps us in patterns of suffering is not giving ourselves the time to open up and be.

So allow.

Notice,

Like a curious child would look at something interesting for the first time,

See if you can bring some gentleness to these energies in motion as you rest your awareness here.

You're noticing thoughts coming and going,

Whether they're about the past,

The future,

Commenting on this moment or this very practice.

Allow them to come and go.

Allow the mind to do exactly what it will as you gently focus attention on purpose,

For in a world,

These energies in motion.

Be as gentle as you can.

Where do they start?

Or where does it start?

How does it move?

How do they move?

No expectations,

Just a very gentle awareness.

So important.

Allowing your awareness now to notice the gentleness of your out breath.

Where exactly does this start?

Following this,

Tracking this movement all the way down as it speeds up,

Slows down,

And comes to a pause.

Recognizing that whilst you are with your out breath,

There is distance between you and your thoughts.

Whilst you gently rest your awareness with your out breath,

There is distance between you and your thoughts.

Being with your out breath nurtures you.

Being with your out breath helps keep you anchored whilst you allow any energies in motion to just be.

One way of practicing this is to imagine your breath coming down and into any energies in motion that you're aware of in this moment.

Another way is visualizing the breath coming down and going around these energies in motion that you experience.

Allow yourself to breathe directly into or around this emotion or lack of emotion that is there.

Whatever it is that you experience,

Whether desirable,

Undesirable or neutral,

This is the practice.

If you have a busy mind in this moment,

You might like to imagine the words here on the in breath and now on the out breath.

Staying with that point of connection and the gentleness as you hear the following words,

Using your breath as an anchor for whenever you need to.

Awareness,

Inner space,

Truth,

Devotion.

The four pillars are always there for helping us,

Empowering us to open up,

Get grounded and to remember who we are in any given moment.

The four pillars can help us for when we need to strengthen our foundations for being OK with not being OK.

Awareness,

Inner space,

Truth,

Devotion.

Awareness,

The art of being the noticer.

Inner space,

The art of making space for thoughts and feelings.

Truth,

The art of remembering who you are.

Devotion,

The art of acting on your truth.

Awareness,

Inner space,

Truth,

Devotion.

Awareness,

I am noticing.

I tune into what is already here.

Aware of my anchor,

This breath in this moment.

Aware of this moment unfolding around me with my anchor.

I am noticing.

I tune into what is already here.

Aware of my anchor,

This breath in this moment.

Aware of this moment unfolding around me with my anchor.

I am noticing.

I tune into what is already here.

Aware of my anchor,

This breath in this moment.

Aware of this moment unfolding around me with my anchor.

Inner space,

I am noticing thoughts coming and going.

They are not me.

Thoughts just happen.

I am noticing energies in motion.

They are not me.

They too are just happening.

I choose to allow these energies in motion to be.

And the more I do this,

The more inner space I have.

I am noticing thoughts coming and going.

They are not me.

Thoughts just happen.

I am noticing energies in motion.

They are not me.

They too are just happening.

I choose to allow these energies in motion to be.

And the more I do this,

The more inner space I have.

I am noticing thoughts coming and going.

They are not me.

Thoughts just happen.

I am noticing energies in motion.

They are not me.

They too are just happening.

I choose to allow these energies in motion to be.

And the more I do this,

The more inner space I have.

Truth.

What is the kindest thing that I can bring to mind right now for me?

How do I want to show up right now,

Realistically for me,

Despite going through this?

What is the kindest thing that I can bring to mind right now for me?

How do I want to show up right now,

Realistically for me,

Despite going through this?

What is the kindest thing that I can bring to mind right now for me?

How do I want to show up right now,

Realistically for me,

Despite going through this?

Devotion.

To acknowledge the pillar of truth,

What type of person do I want to be in this moment,

Despite going through this tough time?

What is the kindest thing that I can do right now,

Whilst I go through this tough time?

To acknowledge the pillar of truth,

What type of person do I want to be in this moment,

Despite going through this tough time?

What is the kindest thing that I can do right now,

Whilst I go through this tough time?

To acknowledge the pillar of truth,

What type of person do I want to be in this moment,

Despite going through this tough time?

What is the kindest thing that I can do right now,

Whilst I go through this tough time?

Awareness,

Inner space,

Truth,

Devotion.

Awareness,

Inner space,

Truth,

Devotion.

Awareness,

Inner space,

Truth,

Devotion.

Deep down I know that if I choose to be aware,

If I choose to give inner space to my thoughts and feelings,

If I choose to draw on the truth of who I am,

And use devotion to act on it,

Then this experience will change.

Deep down I know that if I choose to be aware,

If I choose to give inner space to my thoughts and feelings,

If I choose to draw on the truth of who I am,

And use devotion to act on it,

Then this experience will change.

Deep down I know that if I choose to be aware,

If I choose to give inner space to my thoughts and feelings,

If I choose to draw on the truth of who I am,

And use devotion to act on it,

Then this experience will change.

Reviews

This was just what I needed to hear right now. I struggle with grief, loneliness and sadness ever since my husband of 34 years passed away last year. This talk was truly inspirational and I will come back to it often.

Amazing. Thanks for this journey through my inner storms and how to handle them.

Thank you! I had a rough time getting out of bed this morning, and your wise words really helped. Martha, Seattle, USA

I really like that. I am going through tough times right now. I am not sure how things will wirk out. Its mainly financial and paying ny student loans starting in January 2023. They can be ruthless and not care. Thanks guys.

Deep Medicine for troubled times!!! Thank you for creating!!!

Thank you. Very useful but a bit of an abrupt ending. 🙏💜🙌

Thank you for this gentle reminder. Bookmarked, playlist created, recommend and shared! Thank you again for this valuable tool for my wellness toolbox.

Thank you this was beautiful and I needed it today 🥰

Thank you this really helped me release emotions and feel ok with where I am today

This one really got to me. Excellent meditation if you need some time and space to be with your emotions. Many thanks for your magic! 🙏💜🙏

That was so... amazing! Just love you guys. Thank you. 🙏🌳💫💙

So gentle & soothing, yet extremely powerful & effective. I feel so much more at ease after experiencing this session just once. And it provides tools to arm yourself with, day & night. I will be returning to this daily to realign myself. And in between sessions, I’ll be practicing & reviewing the lessons taught, as I go about my day. Many, many thanks to Elliott & Reuben for this incredible gift. Their contributions to Insight Timer are invaluable. 🤍

Great talk and practice, just what I needed 😊🌟🐰

Thanks Elliott and Reuben, wonderful reinforcement, beautifully produced, I loved the voice integration too.

Namaste 🙏🥰🌻

Very well done. Thank you

Sending immense love and gratitude to Reuben and Elliott. 🕉

So very grateful for this collaboration 🙏🏼

One of the best meditations I have ever done, this is just what I needed right now. Loved the background water sounds, the repeating of affirmations, the clever use of 2 teachers for guidance. Will bookmark this and return again and again. Namaste and thankyou.

Thank you. Love it. Suffering = pain + resistance. That! 🙌🤍🤍🤍

Elliott & Rueben Lowe😍🙏🏻 - a very nice collaboration where you both have thought this through very thoroughly and I must say it is very different to what I am used to listening to from your works and it was not what I was expecting somehow, at first! It was very moving and sublime till the end - ✨🤍🕊️🙏🏻🔥🌅

It has took me through my trials of life in motion from my past to recent days, when I was searching, learning, listening, practising, feeling, committing, sacrificing, endure inner pains, trust and believe most of what I have learnt from all these wonderful teachers. YOU Elliott, defo come on top🙌. Elliott, I must confess that I was trying to hear your celestial voice when listening to those wise and emotional guided words and how truthful they are. The 4 key pillars were narrated and taught:-

Awareness
Inner Space
Truth
Devotion

Those ARE exactly what my spiritual and purposeful life & spiritual new life’s path are exercising whilst travelling using all those energies to help me get to my destination - which is very bumpy at times - however, my true grit, focuses and self-love shall get me there -I can feel it getting close(er) that it hurts so much.

BEING OKAY WITH NOT BEING OKAY 😔 is a PERFECT title for this meditation because we all say that we are okay but deep within we are heartbroken and in turmoil! I have been trying to fix this over the years and listening to YOU is all that my BE-ing is asking me for. No change is needed there as I know that I have the perfect formula/framework. 🕊️🤍✨❤️‍🩹🦁🎉🔆⚔️🍀.

Elliott thank you and your lovely friend for alerting me from where I came from and I AM putting all my troubles behind me and never look back AGAIN!

I am looking at You Elliott to continue to help in my new spiritual life-path which is self-healing and fading away my old scars whilst my transformational energies are BE-ing felt very powerful - hurting is good as I recall. I AM going through a higher level of my transformational adventure, am I right?

This meditation is a sharp eyeopener and very apt to depict my life’s from the old to the new journey. I loved the soft music composition in the background as it allowed me to reflect on each word Rueben uttered so gently and beautifully at my own pace🕊️😇.

Thank you BOTH for making me realise that since I started to self-love Myself I learnt & experienced that this is when TRUE happiness occurs & thrives - within my deeper core!❤️🌕🔆🦁🤍✨🧘‍♀️♥️🪐🙏