Being Okay With Not Being Okay

This is an educational meditation to help us gain some tips and tools for when times are tough.

When we’re going through a tough time, our minds tell us the story that ‘It’s just me’.
These thoughts. These feelings. It tells us that they’re not normal. That everyone else seems to have it all okay.

Let's drop into this practice and hold oursleves lightly so as to shed light on this situation that you're going through.

Transcript

Welcome to the art of illuminating darkness. Being okay with not being okay. We are here for you because you are here for you, Ready to put the practice in. Let's be realistic. Sometimes life is great, But sometimes it's hard. It's our guess that even if you're rolling along nicely now, That you know someone who isn't. Because we all struggle at times. It's the common humanity within us. Every single one of us. So whether you're okay or not at this moment, Let's set the scene here. Because if you're not okay right now, Here's an opportunity to help you grow through this. If you are okay right now, We hope that this can help you for those times when you're not. Sometimes the situation that we struggle with is a temporary one. Sometimes it's a long-term one. It's our hope that today's insights and practice will help you to shed light upon the darkness. And these skills will empower you or someone else that you know who's struggling to take one foot and put it in front of the other, So as to help you pull through a tough time. This is not to deny whatever it is that you're going through, But to take the first step towards illuminating it. And the very first step to illuminating the darkness is the art of being okay with not being okay. But simply the art of giving yourself the right to open up and be you for whatever the situation affords, To allow, Make room for whatever it is that you're experiencing on the inside in a way that lightens the burden of the darkness that we all go through. As neuroscientist Rick Hansen states, The brain is like a Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones. And this is heightened when we go through a tough time. Not only do we get caught up in judgments about self, Other people, And the external world, As if that wasn't bad enough, Our minds also judge the experiences that we have inside the skin. That means the mind judges our thoughts and feelings too, The very thoughts that it gives us in the first place. This means that when we feel that life is on top of us, It's normal for us to have even more thoughts about our feelings, Even more thoughts about the very thoughts that we're having in that moment. Often we're caught up in the mind, A game of struggling more than necessary. In other words, We're caught up in not being okay with not being okay, Struggling with not being okay. When this happens, It's easy to see through the lens of the glass half empty. For example, Looking through the lens of, I feel bad. It can feel as though we're always going to think and feel the same way. And that mindset of now, When we're going through that tough time, We project into the future as though it will be the same mindset that we have in that future. About the inner space, This art of allowing, When we buy into unhelpful thoughts and resist our feelings, It sets us up to struggle. We create an inner resistance for ourselves, The struggle to feel better. When we're struggling to think better and feel better, We're not okay. In her book, Emotional Agility, Award-winning psychologist, Researcher, And author Suzanne David calls this inner avoidance, The enemy of the good and states that our unwillingness to face discomfort is the problem. Resisting our pain only amplifies it. We suffer not because life is painful, But because we resist our pain, Because we don't open up and allow our thoughts and feelings the space that they need. Here's the formula. Suffering equals pain plus resistance. Suffering equals pain plus resistance. Inner resistance caused from number one, Buying into the unhelpful thoughts that pass through our heads. And number two, Struggling with our feelings, Not being willing to open up to our feelings. This can happen consciously, But it can also happen unconsciously. The default mode when we're caught up with unwanted thoughts and feelings is often one of inner resistance. Also, The mind tends to try and think its way out of things. But when we try and think our way out of feeling, We just stay caught up in the mind, Which is always trying to judge, Analyze, Compare, Contrast anything and everything, Including our experiences inside the skin. When we are not okay, It's because we just need to allow whatever we're feeling and thinking to be processed in a healthy way, Allowing space for those thoughts and feelings. But we are programmed to try and feel better. This can work for us sometimes, But it also sows the seed in the mind, Which causes us to struggle when we're not feeling okay, When we're not thinking okay. What would it look like for us to simply feel whatever it is that's coming up for us? To feel our feelings simply as feelings, Simply as energies in motion. When we are sick, We know to take medicine to feel better. But when we're not feeling okay, There is no medicine to take. There is usually no definite thing for us to do that will solve the problem of how we're feeling. If we keep trying to look for solutions to not feeling okay, We simply put off the inevitable process of feeling our feelings. And sometimes it can be just a subtle dissatisfaction of what's going on. Sometimes it may be more than that, An apprehension or anxiety. Sometimes it could be a drop in energy, Or like we feel low in mood. Nothing at all that the mind will tell us, We shouldn't be feeling like this, Or something is wrong with how I'm thinking or feeling. So opening up to our feelings goes against the grain of what we are taught. To experience feelings as feelings, Energies in motion, Instead of through the lens of good, Bad, Or positive, Negative. In the short term, It can feel uncomfortable. In the long term, It helps with our emotional growth. It's okay to feel sad. It's okay to feel scared. It's okay to feel uncertain. It's okay to feel grief. It's okay to feel lonely. It's okay to not be okay. Here's those feelings again. A mixture of feelings that I can't even find a name for. Why do I keep feeling this? I go for another walk around the block. Is it sadness? Is it anxiety? Is it stress? May it be a touch of guilt? Or is it just disappointment? I could go on with these names, But never get to giving these names energy. Yes, I could go on with these names, But never get to giving these energies in motion a perfect name. Do they actually have a name? People say I should feel better soon. People say I should be grateful for what I've got. They tell me to think positive, Then I'll feel positive. This doesn't seem right. Some of them are my family. They have good intention, But it's like they don't really know. Can they ever really know? Sometimes they're just impatient with me. Has this really been going on for so long? It's hard to feel positive when I'm struggling with myself. It's impossible to access positive thoughts when I'm really not okay with myself. Can it be okay to feel sad? Can it be okay to feel scared? Can it be okay to feel uncertain? Can it be okay to feel grief? Can it be okay to feel lonely? Can it be okay to not be okay? Now is the time to have a practice. Here you are right now. Whether you're actually going through a tough time or not, Putting the practice in can really help. This didn't happen by accident. You being here now. You came here for a reason. You came here to nurture your own well-being. Give yourself the right to be here now. Focus your attention to the place where you usually experience feelings, Emotions, And get a sense of what your internal weather is like. The buzz of apprehension or the hum of contentment, The heaviness, The lightness, Desirable, Undesirable, Or neutral, Maybe even numb. You might wander and notice if there's something aching inside. Sometimes we can even have a vulnerability that may have not even been addressed unless we can feel into it to get the answer. Whatever the energy, Even if you feel numb or neutral, This is part of being human. This is what living, Caring humans experience. Part of what keeps us in patterns of suffering is not giving ourselves the time to open up and be. So allow, Notice, Like a curious child would look at something interesting for the first time. See if you can bring some gentleness to these energies in motion as you rest your awareness here. Noticing thoughts coming and going, Whether they're about the past, The future, Commenting on this moment or this very practice. Allow them to come and go, Allow the mind to do exactly what it will as you gently focus attention on purpose, On your inner world, These energies in motion. Be as gentle as you can. Where do they start? Or where does it start? How does it move? How do they move? No expectations, Just a very gentle awareness. So important. Bring your awareness now to notice the gentleness of your out-breath. Where exactly does this start? Noticing this, Tracking this movement all the way down as it speeds up, Slows down and comes to a pause. Recognizing that whilst you are with your out-breath, There is distance between you and your thoughts. As you gently rest your awareness with your out-breath, There is distance between you and your thoughts. Good.

Reviews

I enjoyed this. I feel a little better about not being ok. Thank you.

Always good to be reminded that it's OK to feel sad. Give that feeling space and gentleness.

Thank you. Very powerful for me when you joined together with, “It’s ok to be…”
And also using awareness of each feeling specifically with the in and out breath rather than just breathing to try to achieve calmness.

Just what I needed today. Very unskilled at feeling my feelings as I get them confused with thoughts. This was most helpful at making the distinction.

Exactly what I needed and will need again and again. Being ok with not being ok is one of the most difficult things to do, thank you for your gentle yet effective guidance!