(Wk 7) Forgiveness Part 5 of 5 - Unleash Your Peace Podcast

On our last day discussing the very important topic of forgiveness, we go further inward by shedding light on those difficult relationships in which someone really gets under our skin. We explore the reason this person bothers us so much. We also discuss the self-forgiveness prerequisite that most people have a hard time with, and why some people would rather commit suicide than to experience shame.

Transcript

Hello and welcome back to Unleash Your Peace.

My name is Ali Shoja.

I am your host.

I am a positive mindset coach,

A personal transformation expert.

I'm a deliberate creator and your peace trainer.

And this podcast right here,

Unleash Your Peace,

Is your peace training.

Every week we dive into a different topic about the internal world.

We do that through five episodes,

Which are released Monday through Friday.

And the reason we do that is because when we turn that lens inward,

We actually start shedding all of this unwanted pain that we carry with us needlessly from year to year.

All this stuff that weighs us down,

We start shedding it.

And what we find underneath is lasting internal peace.

And we can finally live our best lives yet.

Because when we live from this place of joy and peace and connectedness to our inner being,

To that infinite potential part of ourselves,

We don't just incrementally improve the quality of our lives.

We actually exponentially innovate every aspect of our experiences on this physical plane.

We become whole,

We level up,

We become powerful creators,

And we become authentic.

We live our dreams.

Not only that,

We also become uplifters in our communities and our families.

That trickles out.

We become uplifters in the world.

And that's essentially how we save this planet,

This world,

We level up as a society.

This week has been a lot of fun.

We've been talking about forgiveness.

What a huge topic.

True freedom comes out of forgiveness.

We can never be free without practicing forgiveness.

True forgiveness,

The kind of forgiveness that literally dissolves all wrongdoing and makes you realize that no wrongdoing happened.

It turns sin into mistake and mistake into wrongdoing that never happened.

That is true forgiveness.

This entire week,

We've been talking about how you do that.

So if you missed it,

I really encourage you to listen to these episodes.

They really have the power to change your life.

I work with people one on one on these topics.

We spend hours on them and you get to have all this information for free on this podcast.

It is incredible value and I hope you take advantage of it.

Now today I want to talk about what happens if somebody really gets under your skin.

No matter what they do,

You just can't handle it because they upset you.

I had a relationship like this with my mom a long time ago.

Those of you who know my history,

I had a quite traumatic childhood.

I grew up moving around a lot.

We moved eight or nine times in a year.

My dad was a con artist.

We moved country to country,

Within a country.

We moved multiple times.

I was constantly changing schools and trying to make new friends.

I didn't know how to make friends until I was in my late teens.

I had never been in a place for longer than eight or nine months at a time until I was in my teens.

And then on top of it,

My dad was a complete bastard.

He was so abusive physically and mentally and emotionally,

So a very difficult person to be with.

And as a result of that kind of a childhood,

That kind of an upbringing,

I was very depressed but also a very angry child.

I didn't know how to process my feelings.

I didn't know how to be balanced.

I remember my best friend when I was in my early twenties,

She said,

Elle,

You need to figure out a way to not be so up and down all the time.

And that was the first time I realized I was really up and down all the time.

And during that time,

I had a really difficult relationship with my mom,

Who is perhaps one of the kindest,

Most generous people that you will meet in your life.

She literally could not say two words to me without me flipping out and becoming really angry with her.

She just got under my skin.

And today I want to talk about that.

What if you have this kind of a relationship with someone?

And what I have learned is that when we have this kind of a relationship with somebody where no matter what they do,

No matter what they say,

They just bother us,

They just get under skin,

That is actually a symptom of forgiveness that needs to happen.

And not necessarily forgiveness of the other person.

Actually,

A lot of times our inability to forgive someone else,

Our frustration with somebody else is the result of our inability to forgive ourselves.

And we talked about this yesterday.

This is a symptom of being inside of that guilt attack cycle.

When somebody gets under your skin so much,

You are for sure in a guilt attack cycle with that person.

What's happening is you're saying something that is hurtful,

You're getting frustrated,

You feel bad about it because that is the guilt that you have accumulated,

That's the shame you have accumulated that turns into more frustration and anger towards that person.

And that frustration and anger a lot of times is completely unwarranted.

In the case of my mom,

She would literally say hi and I would flip because I couldn't handle it.

I would just get so,

So angry with her.

So what I realized is that I needed to forgive her for whatever I was blaming her for and then I also needed to forgive myself and I needed to atone for my own hurtful behavior.

So if you are in that kind of a relationship where somebody really bothers you no matter what they do or say,

I really urge you to turn that lens inward and ask yourself,

What am I not forgiving myself for?

I want to touch really briefly on why we have such a hard time forgiving ourselves and part of it is that we have a hard time looking at ourselves when we are experiencing shame.

Shame and guilt are such interesting emotions.

People are literally willing to take their own lives just so they don't have to experience shame.

Somebody loses their job.

They would rather kill themselves than tell their wife or their family.

A teenager might flunk a class.

If he or she experiences a lot of shame around it,

They might actually kill themselves.

That's why cyberbullying is such a big deal.

If we make people feel ashamed about expressing or being and doing the things that they like doing,

They might experience such extreme shame that they would rather die than have anybody else find out whatever it is they feel ashamed of.

Shame is also the reason we have a hard time forgiving ourselves because it is hard to even sit with yourself and say,

I did this,

I said this,

And this is my doing.

Very,

Very difficult.

Now today,

This weekend,

I want to leave you with an assignment.

You don't have to tell me,

You don't have to tell your best friend,

You don't even have to write it down in your journal.

But if there is something you are carrying with you,

If there is symptoms of unforgiveness within you,

I really urge you to take a moment of alone time and really talk to yourself,

Come clean with yourself,

At least be honest with yourself.

What you will find is that when you own it,

When you own that thing that you're holding over your own head,

When you say it out loud,

You actually take its power away,

You take power back and that is your first step in forgiveness.

The second step is when you say that thing out loud,

When you say the thing you did,

You say the thing you said out loud to yourself,

Apply compassion to it.

Really see it through the eyes of your source,

Through the eyes of your inner being.

Really see the pain behind that act.

Feel compassion for that child that you were,

For that adult that you were,

For that hurt being who did this thing,

Who said this thing and forgive yourself.

Turn that act from a sin into a mistake and then turn that mistake into a wrongdoing that never happened.

Stop holding it over your own head,

Dissolve it,

Let it dissolve so that you can experience true freedom.

What an incredible week we had together.

I hope you got a lot of value out of these five days.

I hope you've gotten a lot of value out of these seven weeks we've spent together.

Do continue to send me your thoughts,

Your feedback.

Visit peaceunleashed.

Com and find me on there.

If you want to work with me at any capacity,

If you want to work through any of these issues,

Reach out to me.

I'm here to help.

If you want to be inspired on a daily basis,

Follow Peace Unleashed on Instagram.

Send me messages on there.

Participate on the live Q&As.

I am here to serve and to help you level up your life by finding inner peace.

And until we come back next week and dive into yet another incredible topic,

I wish you a peace filled weekend.