Developing A Self Compassionate Voice

This meditation seeks to encourage connection with a more loving perspective in order to increase self compassion and promote self healing and self love through visualisation of a loving other. Utilising relaxation, focusing and using a real life example, we will practice combatting the self critic in order to find a more balanced and rational perspective on an emotional issue by tapping into the wisdom of our loved one.

Transcript

This guided meditation is intended to develop and bolster the listeners' inner nurturing voice,

Creating an increase in self-compassion and a counteracting force to the inner critic.

All too often we allow our inner critic to hold the microphone in our minds,

Constant commentary revolving around shoulds,

Coulds,

Why didn't I,

Not enough deficit language.

This kind of thinking mostly leads to feelings of worthlessness,

A decrease in self-esteem,

And can encourage feelings of doubt and insecurity that are really unhelpful for those of us trying to live our best lives.

Unfortunately for many of us,

We have been conditioned to judge ourselves and have an unrealistic benchmark of how we ought to be,

Feel,

Look,

Think,

And act.

Our self-critic often mirrors words or opinions that we heard as children from parents,

Elders,

Teachers,

Siblings,

And so on.

It is very easy to put another person down and often we internalize such comments and start to believe them.

Often they're completely irrational and there is no evidence for such thoughts,

But the feeling feels so real we understand it to be just that.

If in moments of self-criticism we can learn to be aware that we are thinking unhelpfully,

Question its validity,

And bring in a more nurturing self-compassionate voice,

We are going to come to a more balanced and rational conclusion of ourselves or a situation,

And one that doesn't lead us to feeling worse than we did to begin with.

Self-compassion is not about going easy on yourself,

It's about nurturing a realistic voice which gives you understanding and space to grow.

We are all imperfect beings doing the best we can with what we've got.

We are all learning in this life.

We are allowed to make mistakes and in fact we must in order to develop and grow.

So finding a comfy spot now,

Somewhere quiet and warm,

Closing those eyes and taking three deep and slow breaths all the way down into the belly,

Then exhaling gently through pursed lips.

Get a sense of the contact your body makes with the earth or ground beneath you,

Your breath in a natural steady rhythm now,

Allowing your forehead to soften,

The jaw to loosen,

The neck is relaxed,

Shoulders dropping away from the ears,

Upper arms hang loosely,

Forearms soft and hands gently cupping the air around them,

Fingers loose,

The chest is open,

The heart ready to receive compassion and guidance,

The belly is soft,

Become aware of your sit bones,

Heavy and grounded as they contact the floor or chair underneath,

Thighs are relaxed,

Knees soft,

Your shins and calves loosening their grip now,

Releasing any tension,

The ankles are supple,

The feet almost merging into the floor beneath them,

So relaxed.

Become aware of how you feel in this moment when you offer tenderness and spaciousness to your body,

To just be as it is,

Nothing forceful,

Just a quiet dropping into this moment.

As you become still,

It's natural for your mind to start popping the thoughts up,

Have a sense of seeing these thoughts as they emerge,

Then allowing them to go.

If you have critical thoughts arise,

You can use them in this exercise.

As I'm going to invite you now to bring to mind an issue or situation and it could be this one right now,

Which has led to thinking towards yourself critically with judgment or strong opinions.

It can be something current or something from the past that you know hasn't been reconciled within you.

Perhaps something you feel guilty for or blamed yourself for,

Perhaps it's about how you acted or reacted,

How you spoke to someone,

The job you didn't get,

The date that didn't work out.

Bring to mind this issue and invite all the thoughts and feelings around it.

Use your senses to conjure up the memory if you're struggling to recall details.

What were you wearing?

Who else was involved?

What was the weather like that day or night?

And what were the thoughts that cascaded into your mind during that moment or perhaps after it?

What was your mind telling you about yourself?

And then what emotions were you forced to grapple with in response to those thoughts?

Can you sense these feelings residing still within you?

Can you locate these feelings within your body?

Now label these emotions.

Is it guilt,

Despair,

Self-loathing,

Perhaps a sense of worthlessness or self-pity?

Is there a sense of anger or disappointment in yourself?

Now tapping into your mind,

What does your self-critic say to you about yourself in this situation?

What opinion does it have of you?

Hear it,

Be with it and allow it to come in at this moment.

What is the main message it has for you?

How does this message make you feel and where does it make you feel?

If you struggle to locate emotions physically,

Try a gentle body scan from head to toe and become aware of any discomfort or tension or tightness.

Then explore that area and try to expand it.

Now in your mind's eye with the message and feeling heard and experienced,

I want you to imagine you can wrap those thoughts and feelings up now in a delicate but strong material like silk or whatever comes to mind instinctively.

Make it whatever color you like and you're going to take this little bundle and with three deep breaths,

Imagine you can send it gently away with your exhales.

Coming back to your center,

Back to your regular natural breath,

Feel your body on the surface beneath you once more.

If you have any residual negativity in your system from the previous exercise,

Again send it out using your intention and your breath.

If it's the self-critic cropping up in your mind,

Perhaps bagging out this exercise or yourself for not doing it properly,

Acknowledge it and ask that it gives you some more time and space to practice self-love right now.

Tell it you are not needed at this moment and thank it for understanding your needs.

Now I invite you to bring to mind someone or something that you loved unconditionally and who you trust loved you completely too.

This someone can be a person or animal from the past or present.

See their face in your mind.

Breathe slowly and deeply as you take in the details of their face from their hair to the shape of their face to their eyes.

Really gazing into their loving eyes right now.

Recall the patterns and colors of their eyes,

The shape of them as they smile.

Looking at you so intently with compassion and knowledge of who you truly are.

Get a sense of them smiling gently at you.

You might find you now have a gentle smile on your lips also.

Notice any wrinkles in their face,

Any smile lines.

Notice any distinct markings.

Become aware of the feelings inside you that rise up in the presence of this other.

Label these emotions.

Find them in your body.

Can you feel an openness perhaps,

A softness,

A warmth?

Follow these sensations with curiosity.

Now I'm going to ask you to bring that little bundle that you put aside before back into your energy field,

Still wrapped up.

You're going to take that little bundle now and offer it to your loved one without any hesitation,

Just trust.

See your loved one take it.

They unwrap it and inspect it with their knowing eyes.

Engage how you feel watching them looking at this part of yourself.

Notice the lack of judgment on their behalf.

Notice the loving kindness that pours from their being onto that part of you.

The lightness with which they hold that package,

Not too close but close enough to inspect it with objectivity and rationality.

They bring the package to their lips and fill it with a whisper from their mouth.

They gently wrap the package up again and lay it in your open hands.

They ask you to open it once more as they continue to watch you with their loving compassionate gaze.

Trusting this special one and this moment you carefully unwrap the package with curiosity and an open mind.

Take a moment now to see the message your loved one has left behind.

Turning this issue or this situation over in your hands now,

Tinged with love and light and understanding what is this new truth you see?

What has been exposed for your benefit here and now?

Perhaps a new perspective has been offered.

Perhaps some compassion for your experience.

Perhaps some wise words that this person used to say ring true once more.

If nothing succinct comes to mind,

Follow the feeling as you hold this newfound truth in your hands.

Can you get a sense of your heart opening to this other feeling?

Perhaps you can sense some colors that come with it,

Some textures,

Perhaps images or memories turn up.

Whatever comes to mind,

Hold it tightly.

Soak up the feeling of being loved,

Of loving yourself,

Of offering kindness and understanding and lighting up a dark moment with insight,

Compassion and creativity.

Taking a few deep breaths,

Send love to your loved one.

They are still there with you.

Thank them for their wise words and their unconditional love.

Get a sense of how you are feeling emotionally in this moment,

How your mind feels,

How your body feels and also how your spirit feels.

This exercise has hopefully shown you that you can choose which truth to hang on to.

I encourage you to tap into that loving kindness energy when you realize you are being hard on yourself,

Bringing to mind the face of that loved one and allowing their wisdom to guide you through the experience.

The more we practice awareness of the self-critic,

The more we can practice counteracting it with self-compassion.

Peace to you.