Proactive Communication - Weekly Energy Boost

Turn confrontations into conversations. This week, learn the keys for proactive communication so you can stand in your truth while connecting with others for the greatest good. Original airdate: 12/20/21

Transcript

Good morning,

Everyone.

Good morning,

Everyone.

Good evening,

Good afternoon,

Wherever you are,

And welcome to this week's Weekly Energy Boost.

My name is Ellie Sheva,

And I am here this chilly Monday morning with David Guillaume.

We are psyched to be talking to you today about proactive communication.

The reason we are talking this week about proactive communication is that we are going to be given every reason in the world this week to reactively communicate.

Reactive communication is something that we do constantly,

Automatically,

Reflexively.

We don't think of it as reflexively.

Of course.

If something is reflexive,

You can do things reflexively.

It is reflexively questioning my English.

The idea,

And Weekly Energy Boost is always,

Or we strive to always give our listeners that seven-day spiritual weather forecast so that you can navigate the potential opportunities and pitfalls that are going to come at you this week and learn those lessons not only for this week,

But for all time.

This happens to be,

We're in the thick of not only on the Kabbalistic calendar a rough moment,

But we're also coming into,

A lot of people are starting,

Let's say families with kids are on winter break now.

The holidays,

Some of us have finished with the holidays,

Some of us still have holidays ahead of us.

This period tends to be one of the most challenging periods of the year.

The stress,

The traveling,

The expenses,

And that's unrelated to the Kabbalistic calendar.

This year it happens to coincide with a particularly challenging period.

We've been talking about it these last few weeks,

But now we're ending,

We're on the second half of the month of Scorpio.

Scorpio's got such a bad rap.

The month of Capricorn.

As we've been talking about,

Capricorns are,

I want to be nice.

They can be really difficult.

Every sign can be really difficult,

Obviously,

But that idea that they're very brutal in how they speak,

They can speak very bluntly,

Very.

.

.

They can be tough.

Let's leave it at that.

What happens is,

Of course,

This month we all adopt those qualities and characteristics.

I'm trying to think of a nicer way to describe it.

Honestly,

I don't mean to be so brutal,

Which is I guess sort of the gist of what I'm trying to say is that even I'm acting a little Capricorn right now.

They're harsh.

They tend to come across as insensitive,

Even though they're not.

According to Kabbalistic astrology,

Their inner energy is water.

Like the other water signs,

They are very sensitive,

But they have this sheet rock that covers that sensitivity so that they can be very.

.

.

When you brush up against them,

It can be very bruising,

Let's say.

The idea of bringing in the concept of proactive confrontation.

.

.

Sorry,

Communication,

And we'll talk about the difference in a moment.

.

.

Is that this week,

You're going to have all the reasons to reactively communicate with people,

To tell them they're a jerk,

They don't know what they're talking about,

They're a loser,

To use expletives,

To kick them where it counts,

To hit them hard,

To retaliate,

To rebut,

To reject,

To react.

We want to make sure the universe gives us those opportunities,

Not so that we'll fall into that trap,

But so that we'll take the higher road,

Not because we're good people,

But because in being reactive,

We're really operating from our lowest self.

When we're proactive,

We have elevated consciousness.

We're operating from the bird's eye view.

We're thinking about the long-term benefit for both parties,

And that's where today's episode begins.

I think proactive communication is one of the most sought-after topics whenever we teach it because what it boils down to is if you know how to communicate in the right time,

In the right way,

And you're a channel,

That can make magic happen in your life.

That's where deals are made.

That's where success happens.

That's where relationships are found.

That's where networking expands.

That's when marriages get better and better.

It all comes down to,

With a significant other,

If you're in a relationship,

Really what it comes down to is your ability to communicate,

Which is going to either make the relationship thrive or it's going to be riddled with so many challenges.

I was at a dinner recently,

And there were amazing people at this table,

And everybody kind of had to share something that was inspiring about what they achieved.

There was this one person,

And I think he does very high-level coaching for big Fortune 500 owners.

He said that,

You know what,

I wrote it.

It was so good.

I had to whip out my phone and be disrespectful just to write it down.

He basically said something about the lack of confrontation.

Here we go.

Conflict avoidance is the biggest eroder of value.

It was something so powerful because one of the- Say that again.

Yeah.

I'll tell you the context of it.

Conflict avoidance is the biggest eroder of value.

His name is Keith.

Basically he works with very high-level people.

One of the things he notices,

Especially in companies,

But this also goes with relationships,

If you're avoiding conflict,

If you're avoiding communicating in the right way,

You're eroding the value of that entity.

So if a relationship doesn't actually know how to communicate and is always tiptoeing around conflict,

That relationship is eroding in value every day.

Every time we invest in something,

We want the value of that thing to go up.

So when a person invests in the stock market or in some kind of security,

Your hope and thought is that it's going to increase in value at least faster than the inflation does.

Now you're taking something that you're investing 99% of your time and energy into,

Which is a relationship,

But most people,

Because they avoid proper communication and they have conflict avoidance,

They are eroding the value of the most important security in their life,

Which is their marriage or their relationship or their partnership.

That goes on with business partners.

People who have business partners,

There's always challenges.

It comes down to,

From what I see,

Is the inability to communicate,

The inability to communicate ahead of building a business together.

And the funny joke,

They said,

Just look at God.

He didn't have a partner.

He did it by himself for obvious reasons.

So the point is,

This is one of the greatest tools to learn.

How do you communicate?

And if you're avoiding,

You are devaluing that very thing that you've built every day.

Every day that goes by that you don't say something that you need to say,

You're devaluing it.

Now,

What about spiritual confrontation and communication?

So we want to give our listeners tools to be able to do this right,

Because if it's also done wrong,

It can really devalue the security.

So I was thinking about it,

Because I was sharing notes with me before the session.

I was thinking about these three steps of proactive communication.

And you kind of,

It's three buckets.

I'm going to say the title of those buckets,

Then I want you to delineate them.

The first really is,

You're in a situation,

You got to get to a place where you are whole inside.

So let's say there's kind of a conflict.

Before anything,

You have to do a self-assessment and get to a place where you're whole inside of you.

And that's everything we've learned in Kabbalah 1.

That's the pause,

That's the realize that's coming from the light of the Creator,

That's looking inside myself saying,

What do I need to change?

What's the message for me?

Things don't happen randomly.

Everything happens to help me improve and change.

That's all in like bucket one of that self-assessment and eventually get into a place where you feel whole.

And then two has to do with developing the empathy of the other vessel,

The other person.

Because if you don't feel the other person,

If you don't understand the other person,

If you don't know where the other person is at,

Your words are meaningless.

And then the third one is a timing.

To know what is the divine timing by which I have to engage either the person physically or sometimes the engagement happens in the upper worlds.

So a lot of my confrontation sometimes doesn't even involve me talking with the person.

But because I did step one and two so accurately,

Which is my own self-assessment and figuring out having empathy for the other person,

It almost resolves itself.

So step three becomes like a divine timing.

The Creator solves it.

The Creator communicates with the person like in a dream or in a realization and before I even open my mouth.

Which is that's the highest level.

You want to get to that place where the person is so overwhelmed by your energy that you've created silently that there's a communication that happens that way.

I want to sell you on trying this product,

These three buckets with a couple of real life examples and then I think we'll get into it.

Just illustrations of how it can be used.

As David mentioned,

We teach this in classes on a pretty regular basis,

This approach,

And we get much more deep.

We don't give it in 40 minutes.

It's a much more deeply personal and reflective process.

But I remember there was a student in a class we gave last year.

I don't know how you teach it.

I do it in two classes.

What do you do?

Oh,

The conversation?

The conversation.

Yeah,

So do I.

So we had only gotten to class one,

Which means we had gotten to bucket one and half of bucket two.

In the middle of the class,

We asked for somebody,

Did anybody want to share what they were going to proactively communicate after class two?

So the guy gets on the camera,

It's a global Zoom course,

And he says,

Oh,

I guess I misunderstood.

I already had the talk with my chosen person.

But he said it went,

Like literally,

Basically what happened is what David just said.

It was with his father.

He wanted to confront his father about how he shows up for his kids and his life,

Not only to him,

But to his siblings,

And how he's so unavailable.

When he is available,

He's condescending and critical.

And therefore,

Everybody just basically keeps away from him as much as possible so as to not have to endure his porcupine-like treatment.

So he said,

I looked inward.

I did step one.

I realized I'm not attached.

I'm not going to be attached to any outcome.

I'm not doing it so that he's going to do anything to me or be anything for me.

I just think it's important for me to make my peace with it.

I need to share it with him.

He did step two.

You didn't wait for step,

To find out what step three was even.

But this is the greatest thing about this story is that he started to talk to his dad.

And I'm going to recreate a little bit of what he said.

He said,

Dad,

There's something that I want to share with you.

It's been weighing heavily on me.

I want you to know I love you.

And I'm only coming from a place of love and care.

And his dad says,

Before you do that,

I want to say something.

And the dad starts to say,

I know I haven't been there for you.

I know that when I am there with you,

I'm critical.

He basically,

The father,

Without needing to hear the confrontation,

The father came to apologize for all of the things his son was going to call him on.

And he didn't think that his dad was aware of it.

The amazing thing is that he thought he was just going to bring it to his dad's awareness and leave it there on the table and see what his dad was with it,

Does with it.

At the same time that he was going through this inner work and process,

It was as though his own inner work awakened his dad to do that inner work.

That his dad suddenly realized he needs to take responsibility and be accountable for how he's treated his kids and that he wants to fix it.

And they cried and they hugged and everybody lived happily ever after.

So to speak to the divine timing part,

David's right.

We've had the chance to see people go through this infinite times.

Sometimes the confrontation doesn't even need to happen because the other person steps forward and says,

I want to take responsibility for what happened,

Or here's the ways that I can grow and change so that you who've been so worked up in your mind and making movies and rehearsals and it doesn't even need to happen because all that was required,

The reason that that opportunity comes in front of us is so that we'll do the inner work.

The other person,

While they do need to take responsibility and they do need to be accountable for their actions,

That's not something I can change.

It's happening to me and my movie and my life so that I can go through the two buckets that David talked about a second ago.

I love that.

As you were talking,

I also classified two different types of confrontations.

The deeper ones that you have with people that are a little more complex and maybe even heated or there's a lot of tension involved or a lot of history,

Baggage.

I want to put that one aside.

I was thinking about more of the casual confrontation and I look back on my own life and a lot of the gifts I feel I have today were a result of constant criticism by my surrounding but with love.

Obviously,

Every kind of criticism is going to help you grow if you take it in a constructive way.

I think Kabbalah helps you understand that even if you don't like the tone or you don't like the person saying it,

You don't like the timing or whatever,

You should take it as if it's coming from the Creator.

I think we learned that early on in our education 20 plus years ago.

When the criticism comes,

It doesn't matter who it comes from and what tone or in what way or with love or no love,

We kind of said,

Well,

I'm going to take that fruit and throw the peel away.

That's all that matters.

The peel,

Forget the peel.

The peel is the inappropriate way they said it or the peel is how dare they not feel who I am,

Where I'm coming from or how do they know me.

That's the peel.

Throw that away but take the fruit,

The fruit you'll enjoy,

Which is the message itself.

So much positive critique came,

At least for me.

I don't know if it came,

I think for you it came too.

It's less so today,

Which I kind of miss,

But it was so constant that it helped shape me.

I realized I want,

I think it's a great thing when from love or at least from a non-reactive place you can share feedback with people.

So I'll be at a restaurant and I remember even when I got this coffee,

I'm going to do another Aron's plug,

Sorry.

She handed me my coffee but she handed it to me and she looked me in the eye and she just gave me eye contact.

And then I said to her and her boss,

I said,

She was the first person you hired that's given me eye contact.

That's a very positive thing.

And it was reinforcement.

That's a positive,

That's a positive confrontation.

But there have been times where I'll be like,

You know,

If you want to be a better waiter,

X,

Y,

And Z should happen or X,

Y.

And I'll just say it because if nobody says it,

Now if I was upset,

I shouldn't say it,

But if it's just more kind of like you feel like it's not me,

Then who?

So I'll say those things.

And then I had a recent confrontation actually where I had to cancel something.

And this is a good,

This is a good lesson for everybody.

Just to know if you're a service provider.

I had to cancel something that I just hadn't been using for a long time.

It was like a membership to something.

And I just went online to try to cancel it.

And of course,

There's like a thousand ways to upgrade your account,

But there's no way to cancel it.

So you go through this loop,

You got to call this agent who calls this,

Who sends it there,

They'll call you back.

And I found that to be horrible customer service.

So anyways,

I finally,

I say,

I'm going to jump to those hoops and see where it goes.

So I finally got to someone,

I said,

I'm going to cancel.

I said,

Well,

As you know,

There's a 30 day cancellation.

So we have to actually charge you for a couple more months because you have to give us notice.

And I'm like,

Okay.

I was upset.

I said,

All right,

So I let it go.

I did steps one and two.

And eventually I wrote back to them.

I said,

I would appreciate great customer service.

Not only are you going to refund,

I want you to refund me.

I want you to refund me in the last couple months as well that I didn't use the service.

They wrote back,

No,

It's impossible.

I said,

Look,

And I wasn't upset.

I said,

Look,

You guys need to polish up your customer service here.

I want the refund.

If you want to do the past month,

That will be extra customer service.

I don't expect it.

And if you don't do it,

I'll make sure that you have,

That people will know about it.

That there'll be a negative review,

That there'll be a report to the BBB.

I mean,

I went through the whole list of things.

It's important to know that David did this directly to them and not in public on social media before getting everything resolved.

And I've only once ever had to escalate to where I tweeted something.

And it's amazing because the head of the organization reached out to me and fixed it.

And that just had to happen because it was a business critical issue.

But I don't think I would go out on Instagram and I'm not going to bash anybody.

But would I at least show people that this will happen to them by somebody else if they don't listen to me?

And then of course it got escalated,

The manager got involved,

And I'm sure there's an internal conversation about how to polish that up.

But I want to share that because it is positive to let people know where they can improve as long as it's not coming from that place where you're angry,

Upset,

And you're trying to hurt somebody because you feel hurt.

It's funny,

I had the opportunity to spend some time in my kid's school.

And I was asked to,

I've spoken about the school on the show.

It's I think the only school in the world where the wisdom of Kabbalah is taught.

And there was a conflict between four kids and I was asked to support them while I was there.

Mediate them?

Mediate the conflict?

Not mediate because we,

Let's say the conflict happened on Wednesday.

I didn't talk to them until Friday.

Talk to all four kids?

Yes.

How old are they?

10 to 12.

Okay.

So they,

I like it,

This is an example because kids are super reactive.

Like there's no,

You want to do a case study on reactive behavior,

Spend time with kids for good and for bad,

Right?

They get upset and they get really upset,

But they also can get really happy and really excited really quickly,

Right?

Their baselines are wonky.

Anyway,

So they wanted to talk about what happened and punishment and nah,

Nah,

Nah.

I asked them two questions.

Okay.

What part of what happened on Wednesday can you take responsibility for?

And what can you do in the future to prevent it from getting to this again?

They did not like that.

They wanted to talk about who's getting punished and whose fault it is and who gets the blame.

And I probably sat with them for like 45 minutes until I got all four of them to answer that question.

Actually,

I think only three of them did because one of them just really lost their patience with me.

Now,

Why am I sharing that?

Because when you have something to confront someone about,

It is rarely about the incident itself,

Right?

Even in David's example,

The problem with the way he was treated was not the way he was treated.

I think this company has this messed up policy and procedure on how to treat customers.

Yeah.

Anybody who makes it hard to cancel,

It's selfish.

It's purely selfish.

Well,

The funny thing is I had to do the same thing.

I had to cancel something and I really geared up for it.

I'm going to plow through this no matter what it takes.

I'm canceling.

The cancellation is happening today.

Right?

And I clicked and that was it.

And I was bowled over.

It was just- It's almost like you wanted to resubscribe.

But that's the point is that now that I know it's so easy to cancel,

There's no risk in me resubscribing for another few months and canceling a few months later.

It's like Costco.

The first time I ever went to Costco and I saw the guy next to me returning a quarter sheet of toilet paper and getting a full refund and another guy returning a bike that was 11 years old,

I said,

I'm shopping at Costco.

Mind you,

I haven't shopped at Costco since,

But at least I tell everybody how great Costco is.

So back to my example,

It's rarely about the incident.

And I think before we get those three buckets,

We got to talk about them quickly,

Obviously,

Now that we've chewed up so much time.

But the point is that there is always some underlying pattern or habit that is where the issue is and not the incident.

And that's why one of the reasons that the Kabbalists say,

Before you confront somebody,

You need to take three days.

We've spoken about this long,

Long,

Long,

Long time ago.

If you're upset about something,

You got to wait three days because if you're angry and reactive and upset,

You're missing the point.

You're going to miss the point.

You're going to miss the opportunity for long-term resolution,

Growth and healing.

When you're upset,

And actually that's when the kids wanted to talk about it on Wednesday,

Said absolutely not.

There was going to be no resolution while you guys still have tears in your eyes and dirt on your face or whatever the situation was.

And so we said,

We got to take time.

They only took two days and they were still upset when we spoke,

But they were at least distanced enough from the situation that they could say,

I shouldn't have gotten that angry.

I shouldn't have used those names.

There was enough ability to reflect when they took that space,

Which included time from the situation.

But it's important to remember that whatever you're going to confront about,

And that's why we hesitate to use the word confront because if you're confronting,

It's usually incidental and you're upset.

When you start to think about it as I have something to communicate,

And that's why when you said that thing that Keith said,

I really felt like exposed because as a Pisces,

I am a professional avoidance,

Conflict avoider,

Professional.

I have a technique.

I even trademarked it,

Right?

Not because things aren't important,

But I kind of look at things and say,

How important is it?

It's not that important.

It gets filed.

But what ends up happening is the file gets so heavy.

You don't make mountains out of molehills,

But there's so many damn molehills.

Exactly.

Nothing is a big deal to me.

I think- Comes a mountain when you put all those molehills together.

If you catch me at the wrong moment,

It's because I am lugging around a black garbage bag full of molehills and it's getting heavy for me.

One of the things I've had to learn over the years is to proactively communicate,

Not when I'm upset because inevitably if I'm lugging around the big black garbage bag,

I'm upset about it already.

I'm going to react to you in a way that's completely disproportionate to whatever just happened,

Which unfortunately David gets the short end of the stick on sometimes.

But the molehill has already turned into a mountain because there's so many molehills and it becomes very reactive.

Part of taking the charge away from the confrontation is calling it communication.

I have a message I need to communicate.

That's a very different energy.

By the way,

Maybe one more minute of prep before we get into the three things.

The third one won't take any time anyway.

If I know that what I want to say is going to make things better,

Why is it uncomfortable for me to say it?

Why do I have trouble saying it even though I know it's the best thing?

Why?

I don't know.

Oh.

No,

For me personally,

I guess- I think when you bring up something,

You're committing yourself to a process that's going to drain your time and your energy and sometimes you make that assessment of,

I don't want to deal with that.

Well,

Okay.

But maybe the reason that I don't want to confront is because I have this false belief or false version of myself that tells me I'm not important enough or I don't want to rock the boat or conflict is bad,

Arguing is bad,

Dissonance is bad.

There's some sort of,

We call it a clipan cabala,

Like a shell that I feed with my own negative reactions to things that takes over and tells me,

Don't be uncomfortable.

Discomfort is bad.

The opposite is actually true that when we get uncomfortable,

We're unlocking the gate to our next level if it's in the marriage,

If it's in the business.

It might even be my own personal next level that I'm unlocking.

We want to incentivize it as well.

It's not only leading you to a better relationship with the person you need to communicate with,

It's also leading you to a better version of yourself.

How many times,

We have a friend who I used to have a really hard time with.

I'm not going to name names.

And now that I look back on it,

I'm like,

What was my problem?

What was my problem?

I was so,

Fill in the blank of all the bad things,

Nasty things I could call myself.

I just don't understand why I held such a thing there.

It was so ridiculous.

So let's get to it.

We want everybody else to feel this way also.

And if you have,

I do want to say last thing,

Disclaimer,

If you have deep seated challenges with particular family members that you are anticipating you will need to bump up against in the next couple of weeks,

Go back in the library and listen to the series we have on family.

I think it aired in October.

So it was just a couple of months ago.

If you're new to the podcast,

Definitely go back and listen to it.

It was really powerful.

There we give really practical tips to handling difficult family members,

Difficult family dynamics,

Old issues,

New issues,

Issues with kids,

Issues with older people,

Et cetera.

So we're not going to necessarily get into the little nitty gritty of how to deal with family,

But know that it's there for you if you need it.

Bucket one,

As David mentioned,

Becoming whole.

To me,

What that is,

Okay,

You identify that you need to have a conversation with someone.

You're not excited about it.

You're dreading it,

Even though now you know from David and Ellie Sheva,

It's going to lead you to your next level.

What it means is understanding that the,

What is it,

If I'm having difficulty having this conversation or confronting this person about something,

What does that teach me about me?

And I kind of just answered that with the example that I gave before,

But if I know that I need to have,

Or I,

You know what,

I'll use a student example.

I have a student that needed to confront her husband about something.

She wanted something and she was afraid to ask for it.

What we talked about,

What was the thing,

What's so unsettling?

She wants to make his life easier.

She doesn't want to give him a hard time.

He works hard for the money.

He's a good dad.

He's a good husband.

Why does he,

She needs to burden him with this.

So what did we reflect on?

Why does she think she's a burden to anybody?

She is a kick ass mom.

Is that going to get bleeped out?

She is a kick ass mom.

She is a kick ass wife.

She is a kick ass.

She also contributes.

She has so much good to offer.

This is the person in her life that loves her more than anyone on the planet.

And she's afraid to ask for this one little adjustment in their daily lives.

So first in that case,

It goes,

She gets to take responsibility.

She is creating this whole movie that they're going to duke it out in the bedroom because she's asking for this one little concession and it's going to end their marriage.

That's how it looks to her.

Right?

It's going to be the beginning of the end.

She has to go inside and look and realize she is not asking for too much.

She deserves the world.

And honestly,

He'd give it to her if she asked,

But she's creating this whole,

I don't want to be the bad guy.

I don't want to be selfish.

I'm a Kabbalah student.

Okay.

Comments on bucket one,

The coming whole.

Additions or subtractions.

I think that the limitations I see that people have and the reason why things take such a long time is because they have these foggy glasses on because of just personal negative belief systems and blockages.

And people are coming into our lives to help us identify those negative belief systems and then we can clear up the sooner we can clear them out,

The sooner we'll receive divine wisdom and know what to say and how to say it,

When to say it.

So the first step is essential because you've got to clear out the negativity that's clogging the pores of where wisdom needs to come in because confronting someone requires wisdom.

How do you know what to say or when to say it or how to say it?

That's wisdom.

That's called wisdom.

That wisdom comes from the light of the Creator.

The light of wisdom is called the light of chochmah.

It's also referred to actually the light.

So the highest gift that you can receive being connected to the Creator is wisdom.

So if you skip step one,

You have no wisdom when it comes to your confrontation and that is why you'll have to repeat the confrontation and that is why you'll have to repeat that scenario and that's why that scenario will drag.

If you jump right to step three which is doing the deed,

Let's confront,

You're doomed to repeat the scenario again.

So that's step one,

Always finding that place where what I do practically is I'll sit down and I just ask the Creator or I'm kind of asking myself,

Ask the Creator,

Why am I upset?

Then I'll be like,

Oh,

You know what?

I'm upset because of this and this is a pattern I have and I always do this and it's probably because of that.

I'll just start having a dialogue and within 10 or 15 minutes,

Maybe even faster,

You can get to the bottom of why you're upset and therefore you know what you need to change.

And by the way,

That's the conversation she had with me.

She was trying to reflect on why is this such a big deal for me.

She can objectively recognize it's ridiculous that she's having a hard time with it but she wants to get to the nugget of why because that's the only way it's going to heal and resolve itself and not repeat again.

All right,

Let's go to number two.

Number two.

Number two is the empathy piece and ultimately you want to get to a place where you're the kind of person that always gives the benefit of the doubt.

Something I've learned over time and partly hearing people's stories which are sometimes so tragic,

So painful and just seeing what life is for a lot of people helped me have a little bit more empathy about why people do what they do.

So if you came to me,

I had a person confess that they almost beat someone to death and nobody knew about it and they were like,

It's kind of a confession.

Then I got to this place where I realized,

You know what,

I don't judge you for that because I know why you did it.

I started to realize from his point of view why he did it.

He was part of a mafia,

It was a whole mafia thing.

Everybody actually died or went to jail besides him and he was kind of confessing everything that was going on.

But then I realized that looking at him,

I'm like,

No,

I get it.

I'm sure if I was in the mafia,

I'd do the same thing.

Who are we to say you should or shouldn't do that?

If people have a different point of view than you,

A political one,

A scientific one,

A religious one,

A spiritual one,

You need to know that if you were in their shoes,

Raised in their household,

Went through the same pain that they went through,

You would do the exact same thing.

That's the baseline.

You got to start there because this whole like,

Why are you doing it?

That's just irresponsible and that's not going to get you anywhere.

You're going to keep repeating your own relationships,

Your own process and keep attracting the same limited people into your own life.

If you can't at least get to that baseline,

Which is every negative thing you're doing,

Guess what?

If you were in that person's exact shoes with that person's brain and that person's correction and karma,

You would do the same thing.

So that guy that spoke to his dad that he shared in the class that that was one of the things he did,

He realized,

Listen,

My dad knew nothing when we were born.

My dad had no father figure to model after.

My dad did his best under the circumstances.

He developed all of this empathy and compassion for his dad so that when he would come to the confrontation,

It's really coming from,

I'm sharing this with you because I love you,

Not because I hate you or I'm hurt or I'm damaged or look at what you did to me and my siblings.

So understand that from that,

The confrontation is you did this wrong.

Communication is here's what happened.

Here's what we experienced.

Here's how it felt.

I'm letting you,

I'm not attached to the outcome.

That's the other big part of the,

I think the first part is I'm not waiting for an apology.

I'm not sharing it because now you may be communicating with an employee or your partner because you'd like some sort of resolution,

But you're not communicating because the resolution looks like this and if it doesn't look like this,

It's not resolved.

That's the big thing.

I was talking with my student that wanted to talk to her husband.

She reflected that she had this thing where he's supposed to get it through ESP as many of us women do.

You should just know what my needs are.

I shouldn't have to verbalize them,

Which in any healthy relationship,

There is a lot of verbalization.

Men have no clue until you tell them.

There you go.

You've heard it from the horse's mouth.

Zero clue by the way.

I think I'm fairly intuitive having more than half my life starting Kabbalah and I still don't know unless my wife tells me.

There you go.

Again,

Highly evolved human.

I'm somewhat evolved and I have no clue what's going on.

Okay,

There you go.

That to me is that with the peace,

With the empathy is,

And maybe that's what takes the longest.

What?

The empathy piece?

The empathy piece.

It is because you have to,

The Rav,

Our teacher said he'll ask the creator up to a thousand times before he executes a confrontation.

When,

What,

How,

And that's all part of developing the empathy piece,

Asking the creator,

Is it the right time?

Should I say it?

What about it?

I need to feel more.

I need to feel more.

That could take the longest.

Yeah.

And that's okay because part three is,

Is the other person even open to hear this?

And that's what was funny is that the guy in our course last year didn't even know that we were going to talk about timing.

He just went into it guns blazing.

I'm going to bring my light and I'm going to do,

You know,

All that stuff.

So it was amazing that he was met with such divine intervention because he really went through those first two steps.

But the divine timing is,

Is this person even open?

And sometimes it means asking them.

That's a very powerful tool.

Can we talk about something?

I have something I want to share with you.

Are you in the right space for that right now?

Things like that.

By the way,

The nightmare of,

Can you talk,

Right?

You get a text from somebody,

Can you talk or I need to tell you something?

Probably not the best approach.

Proactive communication is best done in person or verbally versus via text or email.

The divine timing piece is also,

Maybe I'm not the right messenger,

Right?

Maybe especially when it comes to family dynamics,

Maybe there's another sibling who would do a better job or maybe my mom should do the talking or,

And not from a point of view of passing the buck,

But who is the recipient of the communication going to be most open to hear and not removes the ego completely.

I know what I want to say,

But I might not be the right messenger who is going to be the right messenger.

And then of course there is also a timing piece.

For example,

I might not,

If you have something to confront someone about,

I might not recommend this week.

Of course there's things where you're,

One of the reasons we provide this wisdom and these tools to our listeners is because you may be kept off guard and you may only be able to do two steps or you may only be able to do one step or you may not be able to do any steps and all you can do is pause and ask the light for help.

But if you have,

If you've already,

I bet some of my students have this on,

Have text from me saying this,

If you waited three years,

Wait another week.

So I would say,

Wait a little bit more,

Wait until after the new year.

If you need to do this confrontation,

I think it's the second or the third of January,

You have the new moon of Aquarius,

People are going to be much more open-minded,

Recipient,

Even less attached,

Taking things less personally.

We'll talk about that when we get there,

But that's really the best advice I could give you guys from the plan of attack and the timing wise.

The month of Capricorn is not a good time because everybody's acting like a Capricorn.

Everybody's a little bit insensitive and a little bit thick and a little bit dramatic and a little bit.

.

.

One last thing I'll share and we'll say goodbye.

When I was pregnant with my fourth child,

He was due to be born in the month of January.

He was born in the month of January.

And I met with,

I saw Elia Yardeni,

One of the center's astrologers,

And I said to her,

She said to me,

When do you do?

And I said,

In January,

He's supposed to be Aquarius,

But I'm hoping,

My habit is to go early and I'm hoping I'm going to have a Capricorn.

And she said,

No,

No,

No,

No,

No.

If you have a choice,

You want an Aquarius.

The irony,

He was almost two weeks late,

So he's really an Aquarius.

But I was like,

Why?

I love Capricorns.

They're hard workers,

They're loyal,

They're dedicated,

They persevere.

I had all this good stuff to say about my lovely Capricorn friends.

She said,

Go over each one of your Capricorn friends,

No matter what kind of childhood they had,

How amazing their parents were,

They blame everything on their parents.

So I had three Aquarius's instead.

Oh my gosh,

That's good stuff.

We want to wish you,

If you're celebrating this week,

Whatever you guys are doing this week,

Hopefully you're equipped with all the tools you need to not only communicate proactively,

But really receive the communications you're going to be getting that could be triggering in the most proactive way possible.

That's it.

Thanks,

David.

Thank you all for listening and have a great week.

Until next time.