Making The First Move: When To Go First -Weekly Energy Boost

Whether we lean toward hesitation or analysis paralysis, we miss 100% of the shots we don't take. This week, we'll talk through the dos and don'ts of proactivity, pausing and the Kabbalistic energy of the week that guides us through making the first move (or not!). Original airdate: 11/28/22

Transcript

Good morning,

Everyone.

Good evening,

Good afternoon,

Wherever you are,

And welcome to this week's Weekly Energy Boost.

My name is Elisheva,

And I'm here this lovely Monday morning with David.

And today we are talking about making the first move,

How to know when to go first.

And there's a lot of different questions we're going to be answering in this week's episode,

The goal of which,

As in every episode of Weekly Energy Boost,

Is to share with our listeners the most powerful and practical tools to help you navigate the upcoming seven days.

We do that by gleaning through the wisdom of Kabbalah and looking for those nuggets,

Not only from the ancient writings,

But also from our experience in working with individuals and teaching classes over the years.

And of course,

What ends up as a result is lots of different life lessons and different tools you can use any day of the year,

Any time.

And this week specifically,

We're focusing on the idea of first,

How to know when the timing is right,

How to know when it's up to us.

And I don't know,

I kind of take umbrage,

If I can,

To this concept of going first,

Because it implies that we're looking at ourselves and our process in contrast to other people,

Right?

If I'm looking at my own process,

And I stay in my lane,

I focus on my own journey,

So to speak.

It doesn't matter if it's personal,

Spiritual,

Relationships,

Financial,

Career-wise,

Whatever it is.

If I'm thinking about who's going first,

I've got to be looking at someone or something outside of myself.

So I think part of what we need to talk about today is the understanding that that perception or that illusion,

As the Kabbalists would call it,

Of going first or that there's a – What do you mean by going first?

Is that,

What does it mean to go first?

If I need to make the first move,

Like let's say for example in dating,

Which I think is – this comes up for people a lot.

Should I make the first move?

Should I wait for them to make the first move?

It's sort of that – it enhances the belief in time as a factor,

As well as scarcity,

Right?

If I don't move now,

I'm going to lose something.

So that in a way,

Just that simple idea goes against a lot of what we talk about,

Not only in the Weekly Energy Boost,

But in everything we teach about the wisdom of Kabbalah is that the temptation to fall to that perception of I'm going to miss out.

If I don't make the first move,

I'm going to lose this opportunity.

That I think is the first place we need to go because is it an illusion?

Why is it an illusion?

Why is that FOMO there all the time that we're going to miss something if we don't say something,

Do something,

Or the worry that we shouldn't do it because if we do it,

We're taking a risk and we might lose something as a result?

And I'm happy you brought that up in the context of Kabbalah because we learn that the game that we're playing is not here in the lower world,

But it's on a spiritual realm that we cannot see.

And I think this is why people find Kabbalah to be so profound because we're dealing with technology that is not applicable to this world because what you do see and why we call it an illusion is that this is already a shadow of something else that is happening that is the true source.

So the way that we would approach it in this case is the greatest gift that the Creator has given us,

The greatest gift that the Creator has given the souls of humanity is His ability to feel the illusion and the lack and to be in darkness and to be confused.

This is a gift.

We don't feel it in the moment as a pleasurable thing.

It doesn't feel like a gift.

But the Creator gave us this opportunity so that we can experience darkness and choose to be like the light of the Creator.

Now that being said,

I still have decisions I need to make and I am sitting in confusion.

So what do I do?

First off,

Any situation in life that you approach,

However you do want to approach it,

So people say,

Well,

What is this?

Let's say I'm going out on a date or you're dating someone and you're trying to think,

Well,

What are the rules of engagement?

It's less about what do I do or not do.

It's more about having the umbrella consciousness of certainty no matter what.

So certainty is how you play the game in the upper world before you even think about the tactics and tricks of how to live in the lower world.

When you have certainty,

And we talk about this a lot in Kabbalah 1,

We talk about it on our podcast,

When you have certainty that the light of the Creator is controlling everything.

We have certainty that everything that is happening to you is for the good.

You have certainty that everything that is yours will come to you because it will.

The only free will you have is to determine the timing of it,

Whether it's going to take a long time or many lifetimes or it's going to happen in one lifetime or one year or one day.

That depends on us.

Well,

How do I make things shorter and not longer?

It's certainty.

When I have certainty,

It's also I have self-confidence.

I know what to say,

When to say it.

We had a little gathering this week and it was actually a singles gathering.

So we had people come by and they were everywhere just sitting around a table and we had a conversation about exactly this,

Rules of engagement of dating,

Rules of engagement of finding a relationship.

What does it mean?

All these questions came up.

And we actually talked about what it means when you're in a relationship and how do you say the right thing?

How do you say the right thing in a relationship?

And all the tricks and techniques that we've learned and the books we've read,

They don't really address what to say,

When to say it.

There's no manual that you can read.

Ultimately,

Your partner in a relationship,

Their spiritual job is to help you be a channel.

And that means that forcing you to break your ego.

So almost anything you think of saying is going to not work out the way you want.

You have to actually realize there's something on a higher level.

So for example,

The example that came up is if one of the girls was sharing and sometimes she's sharing her feelings and that her ex-boyfriend would,

Oh no,

One of the guys at the table,

If one of the guys at the table said,

Well,

I hear that and right away I want to remove your pain.

I want to solve your problem.

We hear this a lot.

And she's like,

Well,

No,

I want you to just hear,

I want you to hear me out.

I want you to feel me and be sensitive,

But I don't necessarily want you to jump in with your solutions yet.

Now,

They're not dating,

But they're just at the table having this discussion with all of us watching.

So the idea is the guy in that case,

It's not about solving the problem.

It's not about not solving the problem.

It's about can he tap into the divine at that moment and the divine will speak through him.

And who knows what he says.

Maybe he'll even say a solution.

But because it's not coming from his experience,

His ego,

What he knows,

What he thinks,

What he feels,

It's coming from a higher source.

This will be accepted by the other party.

So when women are saying,

I don't want you to solve the problem,

They're not actually saying that either.

What they're saying is,

I want you to speak from God,

But you're speaking from yourself right now.

And that's the pushback.

And in business meetings,

It's the same thing.

In everything in life,

It's the same thing.

If you feel it's you talking,

You're going to delay the process.

You're going to get pushback.

But if you know how to just let go,

Have certainty,

Have self-confidence,

And just be a channel,

Just kind of,

And how do you know you're a channel?

You're not really attached to what you're saying.

It's not an emotional thing.

And it's coming from a place of wanting to really take care and be a giver.

So these are the words from God.

These are the words from the light of the creator.

It's actually,

I'm listening to,

Trying to listen with the ears of a listener,

Not knowing what you're going to say.

And I think that's really where Kabbalah diverges from a lot of the,

Not only self-help,

But also even relationship advice or negotiation skills kind of things out there,

Because there's such a huge emphasis in Kabbalah on the power of pausing.

And if I heard what you said correctly,

What you're saying is the more you try to control it,

The more you're thinking about it,

Playing through scenarios,

Rationalizing,

Analyzing data,

The lower the odds that you're going to have that right timing and have the right words.

And when we talk about pausing,

And that's part of the paradox is,

Hesitation has a really bad rap.

We think that,

What do we say?

You snooze,

You lose.

That is such a,

Eight-year-old kids know that phrase,

At least here in America,

That there is this per se,

Apropos with all the Black Friday sales and Cyber Monday,

If you're not first,

If you're not in line at the store at 6 a.

M.

,

If you didn't camp out there,

You're not going to get the latest whatever.

In the spiritual realm,

Which is really the cause,

As David was saying,

That's really what's controlling the puppet show down here on earth,

There isn't any time.

It really is all about process.

And the challenge is,

I mean,

I've heard our teachers say even that if you can be in a relationship with your soulmate,

And if you force it,

You can lose that relationship,

Even though we know soulmate relationship is eternal,

Right?

It spans lifetimes.

So part of this concept of making the first move or having that sense of competition,

You know,

That I'm competing with the other single people out there,

I'm competing with the other candidates out there for this position,

You're not.

If it's your,

This is,

I think,

One of the hardest things to ingrain in our mentalities and our mindsets and also within our bodies,

Because there is a certain sense of anxiety that can take over unconsciously when we are afraid that we're going to miss out or lose out on something.

The Kabbalists say unapologetically and unequivocally,

If something is yours,

You cannot lose it.

Even if it appears like it goes away for a bit,

It will come back to you.

And if something was never yours,

You will never have it.

It will never remain with you.

It cannot be part of your blessings if it doesn't actually belong to you.

So the perception that you snooze,

You lose disintegrates in that very first class you take in Kabbalah One,

Because you realize that if I'm in control and if I'm saying,

When I say in control,

It's actually the opposite of what most people think.

If I'm pausing and I'm choosing my response,

If I'm pausing and I'm saying,

I don't want to force this relationship if it's not meant to be,

Which is a very high level of consciousness,

Very high spiritual level to be able to say,

In as much as I care about this person,

I may have feelings for them.

We have a history together.

If they're not the right person for me,

I want it to be taken away in the best way possible.

That is something that we need to repeat and reinforce and really live as a practice.

That level of detachment actually ensures that we'll always make the right moves at the right time because we won't be attached to the outcome.

We'll literally be,

Like David was saying,

Letting the divine message come through us,

Letting the creator orchestrate our dates and who we meet and when we meet them because we're no longer doing things out of fear or control.

I think this week is one of those really powerful weeks to have that breakthrough,

Especially,

I don't know if you guys noticed,

But the last month,

The month that finished last week on Thursday and Friday,

The astrological month was the month of Scorpio.

Of course,

Scorpios get a bad rap,

Doesn't have to be Kabbalistically speaking,

But there was definitely in the last month people were freaking out and hysterical and drama and you defensive and angry and attacking and in movies,

Like literally illusions,

Holograms everywhere making people freak out.

And then literally a day later,

Two days later,

They realize it didn't happen.

It wasn't real.

They invented it.

It was a story they told themselves or there was some sort of miscommunication that made that seem worse than it was,

Different than it was.

And to me,

Now that we've moved into this month of Sagittarius,

Which Kabbalistically speaking is a much lighter month,

More expansiveness,

Jupiter,

Which controls the month is the month of expansion.

And when I say expansion,

I don't even mean physical,

Amassing more and being more influential,

But also seeing the bigger picture,

Having more space in your inner world to receive new perspectives,

New understandings.

And it's such a perfect combination of energy because this week we're really also focusing on for this week's energy,

Knowing and allowing the light force of the creator to guide us so that if we are meant to be quote unquote first,

We will be.

But if we're not,

We won't be in the way of whoever it is that's supposed to be there,

Which is such a tremendous source of chaos.

That's what I saw.

I'm bringing it up because that's what I saw in the last few weeks is that people wanted to be doing things that weren't for them to do or wanted to be in places that they didn't need to be,

Or were afraid that because they weren't in a certain place or in a certain meeting that something devastating was going to happen.

And it's just more proof that the smoke and mirrors,

The illusion of this lower world had such a tremendous hold on us.

This week and this month are coming together,

The combination of those two energies to allow us to open our minds to see the real reality,

The true reality where there isn't anything to control or anything to fear.

It really is to just go with the flow,

Be in that state of,

I can't think of a better way to say it than to be in the flow,

Like to be at least peaceful enough inside that you can take the cues from the universe of where to be and when to be and the words will come.

We also,

We'll go back to the point that when we feel lack and confusion and void and shame and guilt,

All of these feelings are not the place to be making decisions.

The only decision that should be made when we feel those things is the decision to feel them.

And that's,

I think,

What's so important because the body,

The way the body works and the need of the brain to feel pleasure and to feel the dopamine that we all crave is to crawl out of those feelings.

So let's say you've made a mistake.

Let's say you've done something that you regret or you feel shameful of or you are beating yourself about.

You're overthinking it.

It's consuming you.

It's causing you to feel low energy.

It's not sleeping as well,

Upsetting your appetite,

Whatever it is.

This feeling is coming from a place of that the Creator has put it inside of you.

So it came from the Creator and by you having certainty in this feeling,

You make it into a vessel for miracles.

So what does that mean?

When I feel bad about something,

How do I usually react to that bad feeling?

I might go deeper into some form of sadness or addiction or I'll perpetuate those thoughts and beat myself up more as opposed to saying,

Okay,

These feelings are coming to me.

They're very good feelings.

I choose to feel them.

I have certainty in these feelings.

I have certainty because I know they came from a good source.

Because everything comes from the Creator,

It must be good.

So even though I feel bad,

That's just my limitation that I feel bad.

If it came from a good source and it always comes from a good source,

It means this is good.

So my body needs to catch up to the reality that this is good.

We've accomplished this with feeling sore after a great workout.

Even though the body is sore,

No one's running to the emergency room,

A person has certainty that this is good.

Well,

The body hasn't caught up yet because we know that the body is going to rebuild itself and be stronger and look better.

We know this.

Therefore,

We have joy.

Therefore,

The pain is not really pain.

We need to duplicate this consciousness in every part of our lives and it's not easy.

It's not easy when you're going through it.

However,

It is a muscle you can build,

The muscle of consciousness.

And then you're invincible.

You are literally invincible.

There's nothing that can tear you down when you've learned to have certainty and joy and acceptance of when you feel bad.

And this is the transformation that each person goes through that takes them to a new destiny with a new soul,

With more miracles.

This is what happens.

The only way you actually go to the next level and what will determine whether you go to that next level in one hour,

In one day,

Or in one year is how quickly you get to this place of acceptance.

And even if you have to fake it in the beginning,

That is effort that will get you there pretty quickly.

Even faking the acceptance is good.

Faking it knowing that you want to reach a place where it is authentic.

Would you say that there's,

Or it's not a yes or no question,

When is it ever the wrong,

When is hesitating the wrong thing to do?

When is hesitating?

Meaning,

Is there ever,

What situations would it be better to jump than to pause?

When I get questions like this,

There are,

In some cases I would say there's two types of people.

There are the people who hesitate in everything and then there are the people who react to everything when they take action.

Generally speaking,

I think it's important for each person to get out of their habitual behavior because you don't know what is waiting for you when you get out of it.

Something will become unlocked.

So I might,

I remember one time I gave advice to someone that was pretty,

It was very,

That's the word I'm looking for.

It wasn't like,

It didn't sound spiritual,

The advice I gave.

It was very kind of like a physical thing.

Like,

Okay,

Do this.

Like I don't know.

I remember once someone said,

All right,

Well,

How do I find my soulmate?

I said,

Well,

You fix your teeth.

Remember,

I think I talked about this once.

And he looked at me and he was like,

What does that got to do with anything?

You're a Kabbalah teacher,

You're telling me to fix my teeth?

But what's powerful about that is the process you person will go through to actually looking into taking care of themselves will reveal a lot about why they're not in a relationship.

So you see actually every time you make a doctor's appointment,

You start canceling it or you don't want to go to it or you miss it.

Then you realize actually that you don't really value yourself.

And then you realize you don't really appreciate yourself.

And then you realize you're actually afraid to be in a relationship.

And that's why sometimes you might subconsciously make yourself less attractive because it's a defense mechanism.

And then this unravels and then that unravels and all these things happen.

So and then there's the person who's all the time thinking about how they look and how they feel.

The advice to this person would be perhaps go out with your friends tonight without any makeup.

See what that feels like.

Experience it.

Get out of the habitual behavior that is us reacting to our tikkun,

Our correction,

Our soul's correction.

And then things become revealed.

So I like in the very beginning when I'm talking to people about them going to their next level,

I think just the table stakes of spirituality is I want you to do something different than what you're doing for a period of time and see how that makes you feel.

Tell me what comes up.

There's the people who always need to be in a relationship.

There's the people who just avoid it,

Like avoid anything more than the sixth date.

And everybody needs to go.

I had a class yesterday where someone was saying how her biggest fear in relationship is like this is the moment where she gets bored.

And we were talking about,

Well,

This was the advice.

I want you to be bored.

I want you to be bored in a relationship.

Number one,

Who said you're going to be bored the rest of your life?

And she's still not finding someone because there's always going to be a moment where you're not being stimulated and then she disconnects.

Well,

Why don't you choose to be bored?

Say I'm looking for a boring guy.

And then you could see her start to freak out a little bit.

By her looking for the boring guy,

She'll actually realize it's her limitation,

Not the guy that's boring.

It's her belief system about what should be that is totally ineligible.

Those kind of fixations come from the relationships we witnessed as children,

That if she was raised in a home where the relationship was chaotic and there was always drama in the home but there was love,

Like drama is love for her.

So she's going to look for drama to feel safe.

That means that there's a connection.

Then we learn that Kabbalah says that we choose where we're raised so that we can be set up to do that work.

So her work,

Even before she came into this world,

Was to be okay with boring,

Peaceful men.

A genuinely kind and gentle human being as a partner versus the drama and the trauma that comes from that.

It's just amazing to see how the software gets installed just to be de-installed.

That's beautiful what you said.

There are women right now who are listening to this saying,

I like it.

It sounds very spiritual,

But I'm still not going to do it.

I'm still not going to listen to anything you just said.

We have to ask ourselves why.

Why we're so afraid to just test.

I think it's all about testing.

It's all about testing.

I remember many,

Many years ago I met this guy,

Such a great businessman,

So good at what he did.

I said to him,

I said,

How do you do it?

I said,

If you came into my business,

Could you do it?

He's like,

Well,

We're just good at one thing.

We're just good at testing it until it works.

He's like,

I don't know what to do for you.

I don't even know what to do for me.

I don't know what to do tomorrow.

I just know that I'm very quick at testing.

And eventually when you test,

Test,

Test,

Test,

Test,

You find what works and then you can double down on it.

People are so afraid to experiment and test and to feel things,

To feel failure,

To feel success.

It's like we're so many fears.

I think testing is one of the most beautiful things that we can do as long as we learn from it and we're mature about it and we grow from it.

It's funny because when we were in the car,

I was thinking about the different things that we could talk about this morning.

And one of them,

One of the ideas that I thought about and I forgot about until you just said that was the idea that we,

Right,

As human beings,

It's our nature to seek pleasure and to run from pain.

We've talked about this in previous episodes.

And that which motivates us,

If you break it down to nuts and bolts,

Is always going to be,

Is this going to be painful or is this going to be pleasurable?

And even the painful situations that we embrace,

We embrace because there's a promise of pleasure.

So if we're meeting with a personal trainer and they're pushing us to our limits,

The goal is so that we can be healthier,

Feel better,

Look better,

Be more confident,

All the different things that come with being healthier.

Or if we're willing to pull an all-nighter because,

I don't know,

We have an exam tomorrow,

We know that when the exam is over,

I'll be able to rest,

Right?

I can sleep three days once the exam is over.

We have this,

All of our motivation,

Conscious or unconscious,

Is based on those two principles.

We're hardwired to seek pleasure and we're hardwired to escape or avoid pain.

So when it comes to the idea of should I do something or shouldn't I do something,

Should I go first,

Should I make the first move,

Should I initiate,

Should I start the conversation,

Should I start the conversation about leaving,

Right?

We're not only talking about beginning things,

We're also talking about taking any kind of initiation.

At the end of the day,

As David mentioned before,

We have to look at what's habit for us.

If my tendency is to choose things or even not to choose things,

And maybe that's the bigger picture question of this week,

Is my quest for pleasure and my detesting pain,

If that's what's motivating all of my choices in life,

I am always going to be missing something.

Because if my quest for pleasure is all that motivates me,

And this is the essence of what we teach in that very first class,

Is if I don't pause and ask where am I operating from right now,

What part of me is in charge of me,

Is it my soul that's driving the car right now or is it my reactive ego,

If we don't ask that question,

We're always by default going to look for the instant gratification,

The easy way out.

Even if the easy way out is a quick moment of pain,

Right,

One of the reasons we don't change is we say to ourselves,

I'm going to have that tough conversation,

We have the tough conversation and then we go,

Okay,

Now I can go back to being the introvert or the people pleaser or whatever.

We don't really embrace the person who can have difficult conversations with ease and comfort.

We just quickly have the uncomfortable conversation and go back to our comfort zones.

This is really the week that the universe is supporting us to be more mindful about how we choose what we're doing.

That's really the essence behind why we're talking about making the first move,

How to know when to take.

There is no formula in a physical sense because the answer to the question is always going to come from going within.

That's what David started off with saying,

That's how we're going to end this week's episode is knowing that the inner compass which really is my soul,

It's a spark of the light force of the creator,

It is always divinely guided,

It's just so much more quiet than the part of me that is reactive,

That is seeking pleasure and avoiding pain,

That is that robotic habitual creature that I've become.

So this is really why we're having this conversation and this is the week to break out of that habit and create a new habit of pausing and asking who's in the driver's seat right now,

The real me or the ego me?

My soul consciousness or my body consciousness?

David closing words?

I think you said it great.

No,

Come on.

I talked away too much.

You got to give the kids another piece of candy.

I think it's the summary.

It's the summary of not being afraid to feel,

Be the chooser of how you feel as opposed to your feelings choosing you.

I think that it's a reminder for all of us,

Especially this week's energy,

Not to play the game here,

Down here in the lower world.

You're just fighting a shadow.

Play the game on the higher worlds.

Realize that certainty is your best friend.

Whenever you have certainty,

All judgments turn to mercy.

All pain starts to melt away.

You speed up your process.

You elevate your destiny.

No decision is a bad decision when you have certainty in the light of the creator as the umbrella insurance policy that's wrapped around it.

And this is the key,

And so you should not have fear.

You should not have fear to go test things and to move forward.

Well said.

I'm going to end with literally two small paragraphs from our teacher,

Karen Berg,

About this exact idea,

About tapping into the unseen parts of us to draw strength and direction at every turn.

We are born into a beautiful world full of great pleasures and enjoyments,

But they are the only.

.

.

But are they?

Sorry,

It's a question.

But are they the only reason we have come to this world?

It is said that Buddha left his privileged upbringing as the son of a king to discover the secrets of life and his purpose.

He could have indulged in his wealth,

But instead listened to that small voice within.

He decided to take the journey to discover the purpose of life.

Our patriarch,

Jacob,

Empowers us to do this very same thing.

We can live 70 years as if we have lived just one day,

But in contrast,

When we forge on our spiritual path,

We can live just one day as if we have lived 70 years.

It is always a matter of if and when we choose to begin.

There is a spark of the creator in every one of us that is waiting to be found and ignited.

We live in a world where we need to strike a balance between how far we travel outwardly and inwardly.

We need to find the balance of the physical and the spiritual and of receiving and sharing.

Our bodies are in need to constantly receive while our spirits burn with the desire to share and give to others.

Our inner light pines to help those in need and borrow and bestow our love onto one another.

We live in the world.

.

.

Sorry,

It's a reference to something I didn't read about.

This week in your meditation,

And this is really why I wanted to share this with our listeners,

If you can close your eyes now,

Great.

If not,

It's something you can come back to throughout the week.

This week in your meditation,

I ask you to close your eyes and travel within.

Turn away from the physical world,

If just for a moment,

And go within.

Focus on your breath.

See the rise and fall of your abdomen and feel the air entering and leaving your lungs.

Can you hear your heartbeat?

There is a light inside of you,

A beautiful light that is destined to grow brighter.

Having closed your eyes and turned away from the physical world,

Allow yourself to go deeper into your spirit.

Ask the Creator to send his angels to help guide you in discovering who you truly are.

To discover your soul is to discover the Creator within and your capacity to give and share.

There is an endless love within you that yearns to pour out to all of humanity.

You find at last the source of kindness,

Mercy,

And compassion.

The journey to discover the Creator within is why we came to this world.

It is the journey of a lifetime.

And that's what we've got this week to work with.

So it's pretty great stuff.

Every week this month is going to be about expanding,

Growing,

Opening our minds and our hearts and our souls to new experiences and to new perspectives.

And we're excited to share that with you in the coming weeks.

And as always,

Continue to share.

If you haven't already liked,

Rated,

And reviewed on the app that you're listening to,

We invite you to do that now.

And we'll see you next week on the Weekly Energy Boost.