Letting Go Of Recognition:Receive More - Weekly Energy Boost

We all crave approval and recognition, whether we are aware of it or not. This quest for external validation ultimately stands in the way of our receiving all that we truly desire. This week, we'll discuss how to let go of the need for recognition to make way for more. Original airdate: 11/21/22

Transcript

Good morning,

Everyone.

Good evening,

Good afternoon,

Wherever you are,

And welcome to this week's Weekly Energy Boost.

My name is Eli Shava,

And I'm here this lovely Monday morning with David.

And we are here to share with you the wisdom around letting go of recognition.

This of course is a great tie-in to last week's episode.

If you haven't heard it,

Go back and listen to it,

Maybe even before you finish listening to this week's episode,

Because the two are absolutely connected.

The conversation we had last week was around leading without followers and not being attached to the audience,

To the customer,

To the market.

Today we're talking about how that feedback loop actually prevents us from getting what we really want.

And the Kabbalists have taught this for millennia.

For whatever reason,

It's human nature to forget it.

Even for those of us that are familiar with the teaching,

We forget it and we get trapped into needing or feeding off of that recognition and approval and validation.

Weekly Energy Boost is a seven-day spiritual weather forecast where David and myself and sometimes our guests share the most practical and powerful wisdom and tools to help you navigate the coming seven days.

We do that by looking at the wisdom of Kabbalah,

The teachings of the Zohar and the Kabbalists,

To find the precise,

Practical,

And powerful nuggets to share that not only are useful this week,

They're going to serve you all the time,

Year-round.

So the main reason we're talking about this,

Again,

Is because the wisdom of the Zohar says,

This is really the opportunity of this week.

If you're in tune with it,

You're going to recognize it,

You're going to see those opportunities,

And you'll take them.

And if you're not paying attention,

Those opportunities may pass you by.

That's why we release the episodes at the beginning of the week so you have the best opportunity to get to it.

But you could be listening to this three years from now and it's still relevant and valid.

All right,

Amazing,

We have a whole list of questions to knock out.

Good questions.

I love the feedback that we're getting from everyone.

So please continue to send it to share it.

Where do you want to start?

I'll throw out some questions and if people like what they're hearing,

You know,

Just double down on it in the chat.

Why do we all seek recognition?

What lack does this point to?

Assuming that if I desire recognition,

It comes from a lack.

What kind of questions can we ask ourselves to find this lack?

Next time we are,

We feel ourselves looking for approval,

What do we do?

And this,

How do we transform it into something good?

It's so funny because last week we were kind of talking about how to lead.

Now we're talking about what do you do when you find yourself following?

Right,

Right,

Right,

Right.

So I think first to understand the spiritual premise of approval and where it comes from.

The mechanism.

Yeah,

The mechanism.

And we all innately,

We were born with a spark of the Creator inside of us.

So we all crave to awaken this spark in a big way.

We all want to be God.

That's really what it comes down to.

We all want to be like God.

So what is the power of God?

God is in control.

God is the only one.

So we all desire to be in control.

We desire at the root of who we are,

We desire to be the only one.

We don't like when people are,

If you're in a relationship,

You don't want your spouse or girlfriend saying,

I like you and I like him.

You want to be the only one.

We want to get the first place trophy.

We don't want to have a tie for first place.

We don't want to be the first loser.

So this is God.

So God is very strong.

That's what we desire to be strong.

There are memberships for the gym.

There are not memberships for the anti-gym.

It's not like I pay to atrophy my body.

We're not aiming to be the weakest person in the room.

We're trying to be strong.

God is beautiful.

So we're all into beauty and things that make us look good and make us look young because youth is a sign of strength,

Which is a sign of God.

So this is also the other thing is we know that the Creator doesn't move.

The light of the Creator is always in a state of rest.

The light is everywhere.

It's not revealed to us because of our negativity,

But it's not that the light comes from above to below and goes from here to there.

In fact,

The light is everywhere.

I then open the curtain up to reveal what is already there.

And because the light is in a state of rest,

We all desire innately to be in a state of rest.

So the only reason we get up in the morning or do anything or even do a podcast or go to work and make money is because we aim to be eventually in a state of rest.

I want to make so much money so I don't have to do anything.

Even the people who say I want to make so much money just because I love working and creating it.

It's also because you want to be powerful,

Which is the God.

It's a restlessness within.

It's not about physically being busy or not.

We don't want to have that nervousness of I've got to make bank now.

That's right.

That's right.

Because there's the people that if I ask them to sit and do nothing and look at the wall,

They'll start sweating and their heart will race as if they're in a marathon,

Even though they haven't physically moved.

So we all crave this.

This is innately who we are.

And recognition is something that means,

Okay,

I'm okay.

I am God.

I must be doing it right because we ourselves are afraid all the time that we're not good.

Parents have this,

Right?

We always say every parent thinks they're a bad parent.

Every parent thinks they're a bad parent.

It's an amazing thing.

We doubt ourselves and there are so many people who doubt themselves that sometimes it's just hard to even cope with that.

So you might just numb yourself from that.

You might,

Like we said last week,

Suck your thumb.

You're going to look for something to self soothe and not have to think about it.

So recognition is a very powerful thing.

And there's another concept that as soon as we walk into a room and another human being is there,

It says that we disconnect from the light of the creator because immediately we want that person to like us.

It doesn't matter who you are.

As soon as another person enters the equation,

You become the effect because you want them to like you.

And as soon as you want that approval,

A disconnection occurs.

Until then you recollect yourself and say,

No,

There's only me in the light of the creator and all I want is the light.

But in the interim for that moment,

As soon as you saw that person walk in,

You said,

People see this with like celebrities.

You know,

In L.

A.

,

You go to a restaurant,

Your favorite celebrity walks in.

Immediately you treat that,

You look and you kind of want them to look at you.

You want some energy.

You want something.

You want to say something.

You already lost.

So it's not a bad thing.

That's an extreme example.

It's an extreme example.

It's a good illustration of the dynamic David is talking about.

For even people who say,

I don't care about anything,

You care about something.

So that person,

When they walk into the room,

You become the effect.

You know,

Ultimately it's okay to fall,

But where do I stay?

Who am I?

Come back up and say,

There's only me in the light of the creator.

I think when this topic comes up,

I think one of the biggest mind games or the biggest illusions of this reality,

The physical reality,

Is people pleasers.

People who are listening,

And it's just a blanket term for a lot of us who we're listening now and we're thinking,

But I don't need the recognition.

I just want other people to be happy.

I just want my family and friends to feel good.

I just want the best for everyone around me.

And that's my brand,

Right?

That's the people pleasing brand that I'm only looking out for others when really the reason that if we're honest with ourselves,

The reason that we're so morphing into whoever our family and friends need them to be,

The reason that we kind of lose ourselves in relationships or,

You know,

Once we,

We fall in love with somebody,

It's like,

All we want to do is be the superhuman person that they think we are when we might not actually be that person.

That's also a desperate need for approval.

People pleasers are simply trying to control their PR in a very micromanaged way.

I will do anything so that you will like me.

I will even negate myself so that I will remain in high standings with you.

And the realization that wanting someone else's acceptance,

Approval,

Validation,

Praise,

Or even not,

Sometimes we just want energy.

I think that's part of the recognition virus is that we don't care if the recognition is positive.

We just want people to acknowledge that we're there.

What we don't realize is that anything that we receive from another human being,

And this is another angle to David's point of it's only me and the creator,

No other human being has enough energy to sustain me forever.

Right?

Even a healthy marriage,

Kabbalistically speaking,

Is not one in which the two involved nurture and nourish each other perfectly.

It's the two people in the relationship recognize that their energy doesn't come from each other.

It comes from the creator,

And therefore they have an endless battery from which to draw energy from.

So that – I used to joke in classes about relationships,

Right,

What happens when you come home long day at work,

Someone obviously comes – not obviously,

But many times one person is home before the other.

And so the person who was out the longest comes home and says,

I need a hug.

Or maybe you come to your kids when they get home in the afternoon and say,

Oh,

I need a hug.

What are you basically saying?

I need to suck energy.

I'm empty,

And I need you to fill me up,

To sustain me,

To give me a hit so that I can feel better or I can feel good.

Any human being is only going to be able to give you as much as their battery pack holds,

Which is not enough for two people.

So part of the understanding that negative recognition,

Validation,

Approval loop is that no one's approval will ever be enough for you.

No one will give you enough validation for you to be satiated.

And so when we start to become more aware of who we're looking for validation from,

Who we're looking for recognition from,

How that recognition comes – and we don't even need to talk about it because it's so obvious with social media these days,

People checking how many comments,

How many likes,

Who saw my story,

And blah,

Blah,

Blah.

I'm talking – I think David as well is talking more about the human interaction,

The interpersonal – not the screen interaction,

But the actual – is your boss acknowledging your efforts?

Are you regarded by your team or your neighborhood or your friend group as a contributor?

All of that stuff,

While it's a basic human need,

It's also getting in the way of us experiencing genuine fulfillment,

Which can't come from other people.

I don't know if you want to open that can of worms now if we have more short answer questions answered.

And I think it's powerful what you said,

And to add to that,

I also think that our listeners,

Especially people who have been following us for a while,

Sometimes we get into the very black and white type of spirituality and I got to do this,

I got to do this,

I got to do this.

And something I'm just going to also say is to give yourself space to explore.

It's okay to also fall,

Right?

It's okay to – You can't be – if you don't fall,

You're never going to be aware of where the work is.

That's right.

And I think this tension we all have and this fear and this judgment about ourselves,

About not falling,

Which is something that is cultivated a lot on any spiritual path,

We need to be aware of it and kind of give ourselves permission to fall by the wayside a little bit or to examine how we feel when we fall.

Many times I have students who ask me,

Hey,

I'm doing this negative thing.

What should I do?

And most times,

Every case is different.

My answer to them is,

I want you to do a little bit more of it.

And there's like this deer in headlight look that I get.

And I'm like,

Well,

Look,

You're tasting of the forbidden fruit.

At least you think it's forbidden.

Maybe it's not even forbidden,

But let's just say,

I said,

If you stop this now,

You will always think about it.

You always want to go back to it.

You will think that it is more powerful than whatever option I'm going to suggest to you.

Why don't you fully explore it so that we never have to go back to it again if it really isn't right for you?

Because what we've learned is when something is not good for someone,

Eventually it drains them.

Eventually you get to the end of it and you're like,

OK,

Well,

I'm sure this is not what I want.

And I think about us being on a spiritual path.

Luckily,

And I think it's a lucky thing,

We had a life before that was really quite the opposite.

I don't know about you,

But I think you did too.

Am I wrong?

I had enough experience.

I was tired of it already.

But I explored all those things and it left to a place of emptiness each time.

But the path of spirituality and everything we're learning just was endless.

So it was easy for me to look at that.

But I look at some of the younger generation.

I even look at our kids.

And if they don't know what the dark side looks like,

They're always going to be curious about it.

Most.

And so I tell people,

As you're elevating,

The best foundation is to also be OK to fall so you can experience both and remember what both feels like and then make a choice.

The other problem is in this world,

When a person makes a decision but not from a place of choice,

They will always go back to have to experience it again.

I'll say it again.

If a person goes through something without coming from a place of choice,

Meaning it was chosen for them,

Or they didn't have all the facts in front of them,

Or they didn't really know what they were choosing from,

Eventually they'll have to go back and experience it again.

Why?

Because we came to this world to be a co-creator and to choose to be a creator.

You cannot make a choice until you see the equal measure of the dark and the light.

And so this is also what's really powerful about people who are going through darkness.

If you're going through a difficult time,

It's the best time to be able to make a choice because now you see the full spectrum of how bad it is and how negative it is and how doubtful you are and how fearful you are.

You see it.

You can choose.

You can choose the light of the creator.

You can't choose the light when things are great.

There's nothing to choose.

You're already basking in the sun.

So seizing the moment of when you're in a very tough time,

This is really the best time to choose the light of the creator as we've learned in all of our courses.

You mentioned,

Or maybe I read into it a little too much,

But one of the problems with recognition is that it's kind of like a drug.

And a lot of times you can be in a relationship,

And I don't only mean in a romantic relationship,

It can even be your boss you're in a relationship with and they're not giving you the recognition you crave.

So you think it's them rather than the recognition addiction.

And so I think for a lot of people who are maybe in professions,

To David's point,

That they didn't choose,

That they sort of fell into or took out of convenience,

And now it's part of their identity,

Or anything that you didn't really choose.

Maybe it's even a friend group that you joined by marriage kind of thing,

Or you're in a roommate situation and with that comes a social life that you didn't necessarily choose or lifestyle choices you didn't necessarily choose.

To be able to recognize,

I will,

Maybe this is the hardest part of today's episode to truly digest,

But it's not really the recognition that I want.

I think that that was David's first point.

The acknowledgement,

The validation is not the light of the creator.

Our essence is to seek out that stillness,

That peace of mind,

That sense of security,

Feeling safe,

And it doesn't come from anything external.

The hard places that we sometimes find ourselves in,

Like David again was saying now,

Is if you're in a dark place right now,

It's the best place to be to choose the light.

That often comes from a crushing experience of receiving something you think you want,

And it's not fulfilling.

Landing the relationship,

Landing the job,

Getting the house,

The money,

Whatever it is that you thought would give you the validation or the fulfillment that you thought,

You realize it's not enough.

That's the proof that it's not really what we want.

I think the part of what we wanted to talk about today is the reality that the stillness,

The peace of mind,

And the genuine satisfaction we're looking for can't come from recognition,

Can't come from other people,

Can't come from external sources.

When you let go of that quest for it,

That's actually when you'll start to receive the things you truly want.

This week more than any other week of the year perhaps,

And I think the fact that this week's energy falls in the.

.

.

We're at the tail end of the month of Scorpio now.

It seems black and white.

I can hear the voices in your head saying,

Well,

What do you mean?

This is exactly.

.

.

I've been working toward this recognition all my life.

The PhD or if it's the degree or how my book is going to be received.

There's so many different things.

Here now we're telling you it's not really what you want.

What you really want in life is light,

And you just think it's going to come from physical things or people or accomplishments.

It really comes from within you.

You already have it,

And you have to learn how to access it.

That's really what we're talking about in not so many words.

At the same time as this month comes to an end,

Scorpio,

I think the first day of the month of Sagittarius on the Kabbalistic calendar is this Friday.

We're going out of the month of Scorpio.

We actually began this month with an episode about new moons and how to use this time.

The challenge about the fourth week of the month is that we're running on fumes from the beginning of the month energetically.

Sometimes it's hard,

And I want to acknowledge that sometimes spiritual work is hard.

Sometimes it feels like we're trying to squeeze milk from an almond,

So to speak.

But the truth is that these weeks,

The last week of the month I would say,

Is where we really find out how much we've grown and how capable we are.

To David's point,

You've got to fall.

You might feel like you're falling this week,

And that's okay too.

If you don't fall,

You can't figure out where the work is.

I spat that out there a few minutes ago,

But the trying to be perfect piece prevents us from actually seeing how we reveal our unique light.

We don't reveal it by being perfect.

We reveal it by transforming and growing and elevating.

The next month,

The month of Sagittarius,

Is a super high energy month.

So it does get better energetically.

You will feel more supported,

Less dramatic,

Extreme.

I know I was having myself funny movies about – when we say movies,

Meaning you create stories in your head about what other people are thinking and saying and doing.

I had a few moments like that this month where I was like,

Wow,

I thought I was better than this.

I caught myself in a very compassionate way,

And I was like,

Wow,

That's so 1987 of you.

What are you doing?

The realization was I can still grow.

This is an area where I can still grow.

I laughed,

Of course,

Because it did seem very fifth grade or ninth grade,

Depending on how quickly you grew up.

But it was still there.

I was like,

Yes,

This means I can still work on it.

That's one of the gifts of knowing the different opportunities of every week and every month is that you have a compass to drive your work.

Anyway,

I know that was a little bit of a digression.

Well,

No,

That was great,

And the final thing I'll add to that before we wrap up is that the only challenge also with being in – especially people who are surrounded by people who tend to give you a lot of approval.

Besides just the one or two people,

There are people who have thousands or millions of people,

Performers and artists in some cases.

The problem is you get propped up artificially.

This is an artificial prop up.

And it's almost like if you want the economy to be good and you just infuse it with cash,

So it's good,

But it's an artificial prop up.

It's not a self-sustaining positive economy.

So when we get a lot of approval,

We atrophy our own self-confidence,

The real self-confidence.

And what happens is as soon as people stop giving you the recognition,

It deflates your balloon and you find when you're much older even – and this is what a midlife crisis can be – is you don't have anything.

You go back to when you were like 14 years old or whenever the approval started.

And that's the danger,

That you're not building who you are on a soul level because we learn from the Zohar,

Every time you break a fear,

Every time you overcome a doubt or every time you overcome darkness,

Another piece of your soul enters your body.

So you only start with a small – like imagine you only start with 1% of your true soul because if the whole soul came down,

It would be too much.

We haven't earned that vessel yet.

So 1% of the soul comes down,

Then another percent.

But that only comes down from our work,

Our overcoming.

If someone else just tells you,

You're great,

But I didn't earn that through drawing down my soul,

I'm being propped up.

I'm going to get deflated soon.

I'm going to fall back,

Right back to where you were decades ago.

Yeah.

It's hard.

I think the most important – I know David,

After we teach a class or we hear from listeners,

Oh,

That was amazing or this episode or that class,

Oh,

It was so powerful.

I actually learned over the years to question.

Like when somebody says it was amazing,

I doubt how amazing it was.

And when I hear nothing about it,

I actually feel much,

Much better about it.

Like it's not about the performance.

I don't want – obviously,

We wouldn't be doing what we're doing if we didn't feel there was value in transmitting these messages.

But I don't know.

It's like sometimes you have a conversation with somebody,

You have a meeting with a student and you know they feel bad.

Like they feel like ouch,

Right?

I can think of a few meetings I had over the last few weeks where I know I said something that was true,

That was valid,

That was accurate and the recipient didn't love it.

There was either silence afterwards or oh,

Wow.

It was received but not with open arms.

And those moments are uncomfortable.

Like I don't think – I'm sure David has moments too where it's kind of like,

Should I have done that or that moment of I hope this isn't our last conversation because I was direct or honest or whatever.

The real recognition or the real energy comes from looking back and saying the old me wouldn't have done that.

I can say that is a great example.

I am not typically a direct person.

So when I'm direct,

For everybody who knows me,

If I'm direct with you,

Know that it's really hard for me.

But secondly,

Being as a recovering people pleaser,

That moment of silence afterwards or that awkward recovery from that comment or that statement,

That's how I know,

That discomfort is how I know I'm getting to that stillness David spoke about.

That I want to be a force like the creator that isn't moved when somebody doesn't love what I said or isn't clapping for me in the sixth row or – I want to be immutable.

I want to be a force that doesn't shatter or shake or quiver at the slightest – I don't know,

Discomfort.

So that's really the tradeoff this week is to recognize that every time I crave or I seek the external validation,

I'm selling myself short on internal peace and confidence and stillness.

That really can't be bought.

You can't get that from someone else.

So I think as we focus on that this week and as we enter the new moon of – the new month of Sagittarius,

I'm sure the energy will shift.

But let's not miss the opportunity this week to ease off the drug of validation and approval and really have the stuff that creates lasting happiness and fulfillment.

I haven't done this in a long – do you want to say anything before I close out?

I haven't done this in a long time.

I found two paragraphs from Karen Berg about this week's energy from a year that the new moon fell in this week also.

So if it's okay with you,

We will end with that and then send you off to have a fabulous week.

So Karen writes here,

It's an article,

The Quest for the Light.

Sorry,

I lost my place.

Here we are.

This portion,

Not coincidentally,

Falls in the time of the new moon of Sagittarius.

The energy of Sagittarius dovetails the energy of this portion in order to help us seek the light and take the spiritual path.

Sagittarius is the fire of the zodiac.

Its flame moves upwards toward the heaven,

Always seeking higher wisdom,

Justice,

Truth and most importantly,

Providing light.

In life,

If we are so lucky,

We are able to live in service,

Positivity and love,

Ensuring a life of blessings.

But we cannot forget that in us lie both Jacob and Esau.

There's the famous story this week about Jacob and Esau that Esau sells Jacob his birthright,

His inheritance for a bowl of soup.

We try our best to conduct our lives with love and goodness,

But the journey is a challenge.

The very best of us can fall.

The very best of us can make mistakes.

We can make poor choices and fall into negativity only to learn the hard way that these paths do not serve us.

However,

This week the Creator gives us an advantage in this quest of our soul and the light within.

The light is shown on our path.

We are given the needed boost and strength to choose positivity over negativity.

Our quest to love our fellow man and achieve goodness in the world is given new hope.

We are blessed with the ability to overcome the darkness and replace it with light.

As St.

Francis of Assisi said,

All the darkness in this world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.

Sometimes in life we can feel discouraged,

Unable to release ourselves from negative behaviors and mindsets.

But this week,

All that can change.

The quest for your very best self makes headway,

And the true goodness that is you is finally revealed.

This week in your meditations,

Imagine a single candle in a dark room.

Its power is strong as it removes the darkness.

Focus upon this flickering flame.

It endlessly ascends upward toward the heavens.

This is your nature.

No matter where we find ourselves in life,

We are inclined to look for the good in every situation.

We believe in love and hope.

We believe that the light is stronger than the darkness.

The flame is each of us,

Always seeking for fulfillment,

Answers,

And a union with the Creator.

We are capable,

Just like the flame,

To bring light to any situation when we act in ways of love and kindness.

When we give others compassion,

We ignite our inner light and darkness vanishes.

This is our unique power as humans.

It is simple love,

Care,

And human dignity that leads us to our victory.

It is a life devoted to revealing this divinity within that allows us to achieve the greatness that we are destined for.

People who serve and share.

People who are kind,

Giving,

And strive to make the world a better place.

These are the people who have chosen the light,

Who are able to leave this world while smiling,

While everyone else is crying.

Have a fabulous week and we'll see you next time on the Weekly Energy Boost.

Reviews

Lovely.

Happy post-Thanksgiving! Grateful to you and David and your boosts. I’ve started listening on podcast app, so I generally catch you earlier in the week, although I appreciate you saying that the wisdom is beneficial whenever we hear it. Many blessings for the what, and the style, of your teaching ! 🙏🪬💫🕯️💕