Leading Without Followers - Weekly Energy Boost

History's greatest leaders led with certainty beyond logic when others could not. Where does that kind of conviction come from, and how can we use it to lead our own remarkable lives? How can we add value, maintain integrity, and not need to know the outcome or the reward? This week, join us as we break down the keys to remaining true to ourselves while raising the bar in our service to others. Original airdate: 11/14/22

Transcript

Good morning,

Everyone.

David's here,

In case you didn't hear.

Welcome.

I did the loud cough.

The loud.

Get it out of your system.

Just to be fun.

I didn't know it was going to be on the recording.

Okay.

Good morning,

Everyone.

Good evening.

Good afternoon,

Wherever you are.

And welcome to this week's Weekly Energy Boost.

My name is Ellie Sheva,

And per usual,

David is coughing with us this morning.

We are here to share with you the most powerful and practical tools to help you navigate the coming week,

As we do every week on the Weekly Energy Boost.

And this week,

We're focusing on Leading Without Followers.

That title can trigger.

It can.

It definitely has multiple meanings,

And we're going to dig into that this morning.

We're also going to share with you a little bit of the kabbalistic wisdom,

The insights and the tools to help you push forward,

Even though you might not be receiving the response that you are looking for,

What you anticipated,

What you had in mind when you set out on your particular mission or toward your goal.

I think for a lot of us,

The last few years has taught us to pivot.

We talked a lot about this,

That pivoting is really the key,

Not only to success,

But also to happiness,

That the people who are most miserable are the ones who are attached to certain outcomes or things working out a certain way.

And one of the things that the wisdom of Kabbalah teaches us is that no matter what our wildest dreams,

Our potential is even better than that.

And part of the work that we aim to encourage on these episodes,

On this podcast,

Is for us to release those attachments and to go forward with a goal,

But not so attached to the goal that we don't see or pick up on the better opportunities,

The more expansive and less limited opportunities that come our way.

So I was thinking about some of the topics we were talking about in the car and relating to this week's energy,

Some of the questions that we had here was,

I'm just going to throw them out and discuss them.

What does it mean to lead?

What does it mean to follow?

Which I think is powerful.

When is following a negative thing?

When someone says,

I follow,

Even following this path and the wisdom of Kabbalah.

Where do we draw the line of losing ourselves to something?

I think is also powerful.

People lose themselves in relationships.

They lose themselves on spiritual paths,

Including Kabbalah.

We're not going to be holier than thou.

The same problems people have in every path they can have in this wisdom.

Why is there weakness associated with following and strength associated with leading?

Interesting question.

I always say,

And I'm being slightly facetious,

But not.

I always think that being number two is the most powerful position as opposed to being number one.

You ever heard me say that,

Elisha?

Being number two.

Anybody who's striving to be number one,

I always make the joke that the vice president never gets assassinated.

It's always the president.

You draw the ire of the world when you're number one.

But number two,

Everybody leaves number two alone.

And number two can get more done.

So a lot of times people who are striving for number one and they're striving for that power because they believe being in a position of power,

You'll get more done.

You do have more power as number one,

But you also have so much more friction and so much more opposition that you don't get anything done.

That's where the gridlock is.

So striving to be number two is actually how you get goals manifested.

And then eventually everybody wants to elevate you to number one.

But now you've got the choice.

So there you go.

We can end the podcast now if you want.

Some more questions.

What does it look like to lead without caring about those we lead?

I don't really know what that question means.

Well,

That's what's the word?

Project before people.

I see.

Right.

There's a lot of people that that's their leadership style,

That they're more focused on the product production producing,

Whether it's an actual product or money or some sort of bottom line,

An outcome.

And they're not afraid or they're not concerned with the collateral human damage that might take place as a result.

Excellent.

Thank you for clarifying that for me.

Clarifying that for me.

I'll mention one answer on that.

Then maybe if you want to share something.

In this day and age,

From what I've seen,

Is that the people that you're working with are a link where energy is transferred.

And in the same way we have we talk about a teacher-student relationship or a mentor mentor-mentee relationship,

The Kabbalists say that on a soul level,

We have 10 dimensions of energy,

If I oversimplify it.

And when I have a mentee and I'm a mentor,

It says that the upper three dimensions of the mentee link with the lower seven dimensions of the mentor,

And it creates 10,

But it's a 10 now that is binding the two souls together.

And what does that mean practically?

It means that when the mentor grows and elevates in his or her consciousness,

He or she elevates the mentee.

So if you have a teacher or you have someone you follow and you rely on them for energy,

For wisdom,

For mentorship,

For guidance,

As they grow in their life,

You also grow.

And it's the other way around as well.

If the student doesn't grow and decides to,

Let's say,

Spiritually be reactive and whatnot,

Drags the teacher down as well.

So this is the link that we all kind of have.

The moment we rely on each other energetically.

So following,

Quote unquote,

Happens as soon as you rely on someone energetically.

You can have a relationship with someone,

But not rely on them energetically.

What's the difference?

Tell us how to distinguish between the two.

There are people,

We have people in our lives that maybe they're acquaintances or we help them in some way.

We guide them,

But I don't need them.

As soon as you need someone.

So you're talking now from leader to follower.

You don't need them.

And we see a lot of leaders who need their followers.

And this is also the spiritual work that we do in Kabbalah one to kind of dig down deep inside of ourselves and clean all that stuff out.

All those fears,

The negativity,

The baggage is because then you can actually lead without needing your followers,

Respect your followers,

Care about them.

But every time you need someone,

If you're needy of someone,

You can't really take care of them.

You can't really help them because you're taking from them more than you're giving them.

I think we have to also answer the question,

What does it mean to lead?

Like,

I don't I don't I'm sure a lot of people who are listening,

They don't have they're not trailblazing.

They're just living and trying to do good in the world and not do harm.

And being a leader isn't in there on their radar.

So what?

But at the same time,

Kabbalah says every single person is a leader.

Yeah,

So the definition Kabbalistic,

If I may share,

Please,

And then you.

I'm not saying this is the only definition,

Even the right one.

But Kabbalistic,

The definition of a leader is the person who creates something new,

Light from darkness,

Because who is the what is the true leader in this world is the light of the Creator.

So the light of the Creator is the true leader,

The only leader.

How do I even emulate a spark of that?

I have to act like the light.

So what does the light do?

The light brings transform darkness to light to create something from nothing,

Essentially.

So when I wake up in the morning and I have doubts and fears and whatnot and I react to them,

Then I'm a follower.

I'm the effect.

This is a day where you are not connected to the tree of life.

This is a day where the miracles will not be seen.

However,

The person says,

Despite the doubts,

Despite the fears,

Despite the heaviness,

Despite the friction,

Despite the opposition,

Despite that,

I don't even see how I'm going to be happy.

But then I say,

Okay,

I'm going to have certainty.

I'm going to create something from nothing.

I'm not going to react to the stats or the status quo.

This person now becomes a leader because breaking the status quo,

Creating something from nothing.

Nothing scares all of us.

When we see nothingness,

We all get freaked out.

And so we run to our comfort zone.

We start sucking our thumb.

I always say when our kids are sucking their thumbs and it's not good for them in every way,

Right,

Screws up their jaw,

Like all these different horrible things that come sucking your thumb,

You think,

Well,

Why is he doing it?

Sucking his thumb because this is comfort zone.

He's trying to self soothe.

That's right.

He's trying to soothe because people are afraid of nothing.

It's interesting.

My son had stopped sucking his thumb.

And right before bed,

He used to always have like like a gummy or some kind of a liquid thing.

And it was a sweet thing.

So I said,

We got to break that habit.

So I took the gummy and the liquid thing away.

And I said,

All right,

No more of that before bed.

He's like,

All right,

Fine.

And then he said,

Sucking his thumb.

So then I realized something very spiritual.

When you take energy away,

Then you're left with nothing.

And so immediately people go back to what what was their comfort zone that they maybe had left a long time ago.

And he went back to second.

I said,

Why is he sucking his thumb?

He's like,

Give me a gummy.

So he said,

Give me a gummy.

I said,

This is not a negotiation.

This is not a negotiation.

You know,

So so we all do that,

Too.

We go back to sucking our proverbial thumb.

You know,

Bad relationships,

Bad habits,

Bad behaviors,

Bad eating,

Bad staying up late.

So so we have to become comfortable with nothing.

Is how you become a leader.

It's interesting that you bring that up,

Because when I saw that this was the topic for the week and I didn't mention it earlier,

But what the way that we get to what do we talk about every week on the weekly energy boost is that we look into the Zohar and and Kabbalistic text to see what is the discussion around this week's energy.

And we pull a topic from there.

So David mentioned a concept that I thought about.

It's something that comes from the Ten Luminous Emanations and the idea that the original salesperson was the creator and we were the original customer.

But if you follow that example and the wisdom of Kabbalah teaches that really our greatest fulfillment comes when we emulate the creator.

So when we become the salesperson without the need for sales.

Right.

And how how often you walk into a store and there's a salesperson who clearly will benefit from you,

Your purchase,

And they want to be involved in it,

Or we get phone calls all the time.

I mean,

Even the last couple months with all the canvassing that was going on politically,

My phone was ringing like every five minutes with different who you're going to vote for,

Getting texts,

Who you're going to vote for.

Are you with us?

Are you with us?

And you feel that why do you need me to tell you I'm with you?

Like,

I'm going to do what I'm going to do.

Don't you know that the more desperate you are,

The less I want to do what you're asking me to do that.

The reason that we don't like that neediness,

We don't being we don't like being followed around a store is because we're drawn to unconsciously,

I'm saying those creator like tendencies.

So any time we find ourselves in a position of we're going to use for the purpose of today's episode,

Any time we're in a position of leading,

But I think it's easier to look at the to break down the conversation in terms of selling and buying.

If you're selling something and that can mean you're talking to your kids and you're trying to convince them to be more responsible.

You're talking to your partner,

Your spouse,

And you're trying to win them over or get them to take you to a certain place.

Any time you're trying to get somebody to see your point of view,

You're selling whether you realize it or not.

And part of our work and one of the greatest opportunities of this week is to not be to be able to sell yourself,

Your product,

Your opinion without needing the other person or the other side to show you they're in agreement.

I think I shared with you once,

David,

That my son,

One of my kids wanted to buy a computer,

A laptop.

And it was like in one of the most negative periods of the year.

And Mercury was retrograde.

And it was just like the worst time to make a major purchase,

Let alone technology.

It's interesting that you consider those things when you make purchases.

Is it like a dollar value threshold that above this threshold you look into the stars?

It has to do with do you want it to last a long time or is this like a cheap thrill?

So you want to buy a concert ticket for $200,

Go for it.

But you want your laptop to serve you healthy,

Well,

Etc.

For a long time.

So I said,

Listen,

You do what you want.

I'm just going to tell you it's the month of Capricorn.

And Mercury is retrograde,

Which means technology is not doing its thing anyway.

You really don't want to start a new relationship with a piece of technology right now.

So he's like,

You know,

Like all of the old.

He was probably 19 or 20 at the time.

So he could make the purchase on his own.

He didn't need my permission or my financial participation.

But I gave him my opinion and I said,

You know what?

He gets to do what he wants.

He's a big boy.

I left it there.

The long story short is that he didn't buy the computer.

And he came to me a few weeks later and he said,

I am so glad I did not buy the computer when I wanted to.

And I use that example,

First of all,

I often tell other parents,

You know,

You think your kids are not listening or you think that their rejection of what you say means they didn't hear you or they won't listen.

It doesn't.

That's one of the best things about this approach and how I think it would be great for all of us to this week look at who are we selling to right now?

Who are we?

Who are we trying to convince?

Who are we marketing ourselves to?

Who are we trying to strong arm into doing one thing or the other?

And because they're not listening or they're doing something different or they're not on the path we want them to be on,

It's upsetting us.

Right.

What ends up happening?

That's the beautiful thing that Rav Aschlag says in the 10 Luminous Emanations is that the moment you need them to be convinced,

You want them to listen to you,

You become the buyer.

Sorry,

You become the seller.

No,

You become the buyer.

Sorry,

Because they have what you want.

They have your approval.

They have your agreement.

They have your acquiescence.

They have your cooperation.

And you revert from being the seller to being the buyer.

We want to always be the seller.

We want to always be the leader.

That's not to say that following isn't a good thing.

As David was explaining before,

It can be very powerful when it's done with the right energy.

But our goal,

If I could sum up all of the wisdom of Kabbalah in one sentence,

The goal is that every single person will be a leader in their own right.

Not looking for the followers,

Not needing anybody's acceptance or approval or vote of confidence,

That we will all be creating,

Revealing light,

Creating from nothing.

And that's where the competition is.

Who can reveal more?

Who can be.

.

.

Imagine a relationship where both people are trying to be the creator and neither one is needy.

Neither one is controlling.

Neither one is trying to one up the other.

That's the goal.

And this week we can make deep progress into,

First of all,

Acknowledging where,

Even though we're trying to sell something,

We're so needy that we've become the buyer,

Where we're leading and we're checking behind us to see who's following.

Right.

And then on the other side,

Where is it that we're needy,

That we're the follower,

That we're energetically attached to something,

The pacifier or the thumb,

Where can we let go of that crutch and allow ourselves to maybe be empty for a moment,

See nothing,

Not know what's next and be OK with it?

Yeah.

Stop sucking the thumb.

I know we have a lot of people from all walks of life who listen to this podcast,

Different religions and belief systems and spiritual paths.

And the demographic of our classes includes everyone,

Including atheists.

People don't even believe in a universal force of energy.

But something about the wisdom of Kabbalah and its universality attracts people.

So if you're new to listening to us,

And I know this gets shared a lot of times to people who have never even taken a Kabbalah I course,

But if you're new,

This is what the wisdom of Kabbalah helps tie everything together.

A lot of what we already intuitively know,

A lot of what you've learned on whatever path you've been on,

It only enhances it and connects the dots.

I did want to say another concept about it's kind of a practical business concept that I want to tie in spiritually related to one of the questions that was asked of us,

Which is I've seen,

Almost to the point where I'm baffled by it,

I've seen that a lot of times people have access to other great people who are good at something,

Good at whatever they do,

And they don't take advantage to quote unquote follow and learn from them.

I think one of the greatest missed opportunities I've seen of our generation is that people keep to themselves.

And there's almost like a loneliness.

I don't want to bother.

I don't want to be bothered.

But now more than ever,

And we see this through social media,

People want to impart their wisdom,

Their experience.

Why not?

So literally what I love to do,

And for me it's more second nature,

And I understand it's not always for others.

But something to strive towards is when you find someone who's good at something,

Literally just ask them,

Talk to them,

Learn from them.

How did you do it?

How did you do it?

What did you do to get there?

What did you break through to get there?

Was it hard?

Was it easy?

Was it natural for you?

Were you just born that way?

And I think people are scared to do it,

But also looking for mentors that are like that without thinking that they need to be perfect,

Because this is also a big issue.

Oh,

I don't want to talk to them because there's this and that.

Forget about the other stuff.

Hone in on the thing they're good at and just focus on that.

And here's the spiritual part of it.

You have to be careful not to be reliant or worship or put on the pedestal of this person.

So what's the what's the remedy for that?

Follow,

Learn,

Be a good student,

Listen,

But also visualize that who you're really listening to is the light of the Creator that shines through them,

Because at the end of the day,

The only force we should be relying on in our consciousness is the Creator.

However,

We need people,

Too.

And you can't just be with the light of the Creator and not be with people.

You can't just be with people and not be with the light.

And the way you marry both and create the central column is I want to learn from you.

I want to be like you.

It's also good to want to be like people.

Doesn't mean you lose your identity,

But jealousy is actually a spiritual trait.

It's a trait of love,

Because when you're jealous of someone,

You're basically saying,

I,

Too,

Want to create what that person created,

Not jealousy,

The evil eye jealousy,

Which is I want to destroy what you have and lower you so I feel good.

It's more you have something.

I feel a desire for it as well.

You've now inspired me to create.

So having that with people,

It's a very proactive thing.

But you always need to meditate and remember that what you really want is the light of the Creator that shines through them.

And I think that is a healthy way of following.

And we need to follow more people,

To follow more people and learn from them their superpower.

Well,

You said something similar.

I don't remember it was last week or the week before that when you have certainty,

Which is,

I think,

Another it's a really big part of leading without followers,

Not needing the followers,

Is that that certainty is what brings the right messengers to you.

Yes.

And so I think it's a very similar idea that being surrounded by or seeking out the people to inspire and guide and teach you and for you to emulate in those three steps that they took,

Let's say,

With certainty,

You realize even if they're not perfect,

They're also messengers and they're giving you the message that you need in that moment.

One of the things I think that prevents people and we have a question about this as well is one of the things that I think that prevents people from stepping into their power and leading in the way that only they can is the worry that they'll be found out or that they're not perfect.

That risk of vulnerability prevents people from stepping up because if people do buy what I'm selling,

They follow me.

They follow me on social media.

It doesn't look perfect.

Or if I if my humanity shows I'm going to be found out and everybody's going to stop following.

And I had this conversation,

A very similar conversation with a student about how they do want to move forward and they do want to be an example for others.

And there's this part of them that worries that they're too human,

That they're not good enough at what they do or they're not evolved enough to put themselves in a position of leadership.

And what I said to her and what I think is important for all of us to remember is that we didn't come here to be perfect.

Right.

We didn't come here.

We literally came here to be a work in progress.

And for a lot of us,

That means being an example,

Being a role model,

Being a mentor,

Being even a good friend.

I think one of the best things about having good friends is knowing them well enough to be able to say,

I love how you do that.

I want to do it the way you do it,

Too.

Not an obsessive stalker kind of way.

I have a friend.

We have a friend that is so super organized and so methodical and so deliberate.

I admire her so much.

And that's my benchmark for conscious parenting.

Not that she's a perfect parent.

Right.

That's why I hope she's not listening and offended by what I'm saying.

She's not a perfect parent,

But she in certain ways,

She is a benchmark for me.

And I learned so much from her organizational skills and her thoughtful planning and her structured calendar.

That doesn't mean I want to grow up to be her.

Right.

And I think that that's what holds people back from stepping into inspiring people to be great at something.

I'm not telling you to be great at being me when I step into my leadership role.

I'm telling you,

This is something that has worked for me.

I'm sharing it.

Do with it what you want.

And that I had.

Okay,

I'm going to bring in another conversation again.

I'm not mentioning names so nobody can be embarrassed.

But I had a great conversation last week with a long time Kabbalah student about sharing.

And I think that it's important to bring this into the discussion because sometimes you share something and you get feedback like,

Wow,

That was so powerful.

I was so touched.

I was so inspired.

I had no idea.

And I'm not only talking about social media.

It can be in your family.

It can be in a group of friends.

It can be literally in any communication method.

When you have the opportunity to share.

Here's I guess it's a pop quiz for all of you who are listening.

When you have the opportunity to share,

Is the opportunity for you or for the person you're sharing with?

Now,

The person I spoke with on the phone with last week said,

Well,

For them,

If I can inspire them,

If I can make a difference,

Why would I do it?

Why would I help if I didn't have a chance to make a difference?

And I've had so much fun with that.

That was so great because,

Yes,

On one hand,

There's a need.

And you want to help if you can.

But whether or not you were successful in your helping has nothing to do with did they accept your help?

It's about you and the analysis isn't do they deserve it?

You know,

Is it going to make a difference is the question is,

Is this the right opportunity for me without attachment to how they're going to receive it,

What are they going to do with it?

Do they deserve it?

Are they worthy?

Are they even going to understand even?

That's really the essence,

The epitome of leadership is can I is my giving right now.

Right for me,

Not is anybody listening or is anybody watching is my is this opportunity the right opportunity for me,

And that means knowing your tikkun,

Recognizing the boundaries of your comfort zone and all different other things that we talk about probably in every other episode.

But to realize that even when let's say you see somebody who needs your help and you jump into help,

Which I am all for,

It's reactive.

There was a need there.

You weren't saying,

How can I share today?

You were saying,

I'm minding my own business.

And oh,

I see something I can do to share and I'm going and doing it.

We're talking here about raising our not only our consciousness,

But even our peripheral vision to be able to say,

I'm here to share.

I'm here to share.

That's the purpose of me being here and looking for the opportunities that are right for me that are going to help me express my greatness.

Not that anybody needs me or is waiting for my goodness to fall upon them.

Beautiful.

In the final minute,

Just to recap some of the concepts we've talked about.

Number one,

We shared the idea that the idea that as soon as we need someone and we feel needy of someone,

We have to be careful there because we start to intertwine our soul with theirs.

We talked about how the soul is actually structured.

And when you have a mentor-mentee relationship or any kind of relationship where there's a dependency,

The souls are intertwined so much so that when one person elevates,

The other person elevates.

When one person goes down,

The other person goes down.

And that's not to blame the other person,

But that's just to take responsibility about the kind of people that we surround ourselves with and decide to depend on energetically.

That's number one.

Number two,

We talked about chasing people who,

For whatever reason,

Have managed to reveal the light in that particular part of their lives.

If there is success in an area,

It means that the light was revealed.

And we should be curious and we should want to know and learn from them and follow them.

However,

To avoid the messianic complex that often we put on people and the worship and the surrendering of power that often happens in a relationship like that,

You have to realize that what you're really chasing is the light that shines through them,

Not them.

You have to make that distinction because you can become addicted to people and then lose yourself to that.

And then at the show that you said,

Do you want to say it?

The final thing that you just said.

No,

I want to hear you say it.

Well,

It's funny because you were talking and I was actually thinking about the concept that I wanted to add to it.

So I was like,

Oh,

That's really good.

You shared a good concept.

I know it sounds like I'm putting my foot in my mouth,

But you shared a good concept and then I'm like,

Oh,

Then this reminds me of this.

And then I'm like,

Oh,

Wait,

We only have one minute left.

So I'm not going to talk about it,

But I was let me just think for a moment.

You give me the first three words.

No,

The idea was that don't give because there's a demand for it.

Oh,

Yes,

Yes,

Yes,

Yes.

Don't let your audience determine your output.

Yes,

Yes.

And I wanted what I wanted to kind of add to that,

Which is what you were saying when I went out to it was the power of just moving forward and giving energy,

Even though it doesn't seem like your audience is receiving it,

Which is all in the lines of what you were saying.

It's such a powerful thing because if we keep looking for I love feedback because I love to make sure I'm not off the mark.

But sometimes people are so addicted to feedback that they don't move forward and the feedback pushes them back and they don't just keep moving forward.

And the most successful people just keep creating new energy and giving energy and eventually they create an audience as opposed to waiting for an audience to inspire them to give,

Which is I think is along the lines of what you said.

That's that's that's the essence of it is that the going back to the 10 lumen dissemination concept,

It's not that the market was there first.

That's right.

It's that the product was there first.

And that's what creates the market.

Right.

Even though in the business world,

People think it's the opposite.

Right.

That to me,

Maybe the only thing you remember this week is that the it's not you don't want to you don't want to be out there as a spiritual person seeing how you can make a difference and say,

What does the market need?

That's right.

You want to be in touch with what your intrinsic value is and share it without attachment to the audience,

To the applause,

To the how many clicks per video kind of thing so that you can truly be that maybe it wasn't so clear when I was tripping on it.

But that's that's your unique value.

That's you're here to share your light,

Not the light that everyone is demanding of you.

So obviously,

The best way to support us is to share this episode like rate.

And if you haven't already reviewed on whatever platform you're listening to on,

Please do that now.

We appreciate you.

You are the audience,

But we've been doing this since there was no audience.

So there you go.

Have a fabulous week and we'll see you next time on the Weekly Energy Boost.