Digital Detox - Weekly Energy Boost

Our thoughts actually create our reality. This week, author Tiffany Shlain joins us to discuss the influence of information and technology on our minds and how to master our behaviors so we can create an optimal state of health and wellbeing. Episode 4 of 4. Original airdate: 8/30/21

Transcript

Good evening,

Good afternoon,

Wherever you are,

And welcome to the Weekly Energy Boost.

I'm here this morning with David and a very special guest that I will introduce shortly.

No matter what I do,

It always does.

You always tell me,

And then you do it.

Yes,

Of course.

That's the way of the universe.

This is our final episode where we're focusing on the home.

This has become,

These last few weeks have been super enlightening for me with the different guests that we've had,

And today will be no different.

The original reason for having a topic,

Having an episode on digital detox is that we've already talked about decluttering the home from physical clutter.

We've talked about cleansing the energy in our home.

We've talked about creating better boundaries with everything in the last year and a half that has had to take place in our homes.

And today we're talking with somebody who I'm giggling to have on the show with us.

Tiffany Schleyn is an author,

And she's also the founder of the Webby Awards,

And she has pioneered what is now called tech shabbat,

Which I don't know if you've ever heard us talk about shabbat on the show before.

I'm pretty sure we haven't talked about it specifically,

But basically,

And I don't want to put words in her mouth,

But it's a day of unplugging,

A day of disconnecting from the phones and tablets and screens so that we can reconnect not only with people in our lives but also with what's important to us,

Creativity,

Energy,

Recharging.

And the reason that I thought it was a pertinent episode title before even finding Tiffany is that this year,

Or this last year and a half,

Our homes have become our schools and our places of worship and our,

Everything we do basically has taken place not only at home but behind a screen.

And there is a lot of research out there that shows that that cannot be as beneficial as we might hope it is.

So I want to bring Tiffany into the conversation and hear,

First of all,

How did it come to be in your life,

Tiffany?

Because I think the story is fascinating.

I found myself taking notes from your book,

And then I said,

Wait a second,

I'd rather have everybody hear it directly from you.

And then David and I will also bring in the Kabbalistic perspective and almost as if we didn't have the physical evidence to support why this is so important,

We're now going to be able to share both the physical and the spiritual benefit to taking this kind of pause and bringing it into a habit and a practice rather than just a because your battery dies kind of thing.

So Tiffany,

Tell us a little bit about how this became your thing.

Yeah,

I have always loved technology and spent my career focused on the potential of technology and so does my husband and yet,

And we were always kind of the first to experiment with every new technology and I think we were also the first to get the feeling of how much it was changing our presence and our brain.

And so about 12 years ago,

I was just feeling like I was everywhere and nowhere all the time that I just was never present.

And I didn't like the way it felt at all.

And it was right around the time where my had this very dramatic sequence of events where my father died and my husband and my daughter was born within days of each other.

And it was really felt like one of those life moments where it was like,

How are you living your life?

What do you need to change moving forward?

Because you don't know when you're going to how long you're going to be here.

And so we are Jewish.

We are not religious Jews.

The only people I knew that did a full Shabbat,

Which is a day of rest,

The fourth commandment,

Were extremely religious Orthodox Jews that did a full day.

Most of my friends and us would do like Shabbat maybe once a month,

Light the candles,

Holla,

Nice meal,

Friends,

Family,

Beautiful.

But really,

What I understand now is that dinner is like the entrance to the superpower of a full day off of rest and joy.

So anyways,

12 years ago,

This very dramatic sequence of events.

And we're part of this,

Ken and I are part of this group of cultural Jews who are always kind of rethinking rituals and ideas around Judaism.

And they were doing a national day of unplugging.

So just like one day out of the year to unplug.

And we did it and we wrote a poem for it that turned into a movie.

And then it felt so good.

We did it the next week and the next week,

The next week,

The next week.

And soon it was a year.

And soon it was like this thing we looked forward to in a crazy way.

And it was simply the best day of the week.

It was started with Shabbat dinner,

Wonderful,

Joyous,

Good food.

And then I had my best sleep that Friday night.

And then the next day was like a day filled with joy,

All the things that I think we all wish we had more time to do,

But we're so distracted from our phones.

We never really do it very long.

So it's now been almost 12 years.

I have,

Ken and I have an 18 year old who just went off to college who plans to keep doing it.

And we have a 12 year old.

And just the benefits just kept increasing the longer we did it.

There's kind of like the daily benefit,

More creative,

More productive,

Happier,

More connected.

But then doing something for years,

You just see the exponential benefits.

And as the world became more addicted,

Especially during COVID where there was no boundaries.

And I make a lot of films on neuroscience and your brain needs a break.

If you want to think about Olympians,

Interval training,

You have to give your muscles a break to perform at your peak.

And you have to give your brain a break,

Which we're never doing because when you're online,

You're on.

So it's just been the best practice I've ever done in my life.

And so I really wanted to share it because yoga and meditation,

And I'm sure the Kabbalah Center about taking ancient wisdom and illuminating it for others.

That was the way I felt about Shabbat.

I'm like,

Why are only super observant people doing Shabbat when it's the most elegant,

Simple idea I think of the Jews?

So that was a very long answer.

I'm sorry.

That was very good.

And that's very powerful.

I'm in a moment going to ask to dissect it,

To get to the science behind it.

But I did want to take a step back because we have listeners from all around the world,

Obviously,

From all different kinds of backgrounds and every religion,

Every kind of spiritual path,

People who don't even believe in the Creator,

Atheists,

And they feel connected to what we're sharing.

And what I want to do is simplify it and frame it again for everyone who's listening that as we teach the wisdom of Kabbalah,

We're pretty much teaching one thing,

Which is that our soul came to this world to receive all the fulfillment.

So anything you desire,

You're actually meant to receive on some level or another,

But to be fulfilled.

But the problem is that everyone is aiming to be fulfilled and they're experiencing oftentimes the opposite,

Or they're experiencing short-term instant gratification,

But they don't know how to make it last.

So the Kabbalists explain,

And it's all based on the deepest part of the Bible,

Which is the spiritual side of the Bible,

That there's a set of rules,

A spiritual framework of how we can receive,

The word Kabbalah means to receive.

And these rules,

These spiritual laws,

As we apply them,

What happens is we're essentially transforming our nature,

We're transforming our consciousness,

We're transforming who we are internally,

Transforming our negativity,

And we're becoming more like the Creator.

That's how we teach our classes in Kabbalah 1,

To become more like the Creator.

The way to become more like the Creator is we enhance the ways that we share.

We also learn what true sharing is.

We learn sometimes we're giving something over and someone doesn't want to receive it,

So that's not sharing.

I was actually speaking to somebody yesterday who,

I'm going to go into too much detail,

But I was speaking to somebody who recently ended a relationship,

And I'm getting to know him and I realize he's like the nicest person.

And I'm trying to think,

Well,

Why did this relationship end?

And what we realized was that he overgave.

So what does he mean to overgive?

He gave from insecurity,

He gave from fear,

He poured eight ounces of water in a six ounce glass,

So it spilled everywhere,

Metaphorically,

And it created chaos.

So Kabbalah is teaching how to give,

How to feel the vessel,

How to know what empowers somebody versus what overwhelms someone.

And then the other component of Kabbalah is transforming our own negativity,

Internal insecurities,

And whatnot.

Now,

After that preamble,

I'm just going to say how is this connected to what Tiffany just shared,

Is that the Bible also explains for all people in this world that there are spiritual technologies that you can connect to that will give you a deeper consciousness and strength to achieve those transformations.

But not to forget that the transformations are essentially what will be the key to true fulfillment.

Shabbat is this idea of disconnection from the physical world to allow your soul to be fed.

And there's many ways this can be done,

And Tiffany's basically explaining one of the ways that they're doing,

Which is the most powerful way,

And that you don't have to be religious to do it.

You start to taste the tree of life that way,

And you start to receive more energy to do your spiritual work.

So I want to kind of give that frame for our audience.

You want to say it?

Yeah,

Go ahead,

Tiffany.

I love that you mentioned spiritual technologies,

Because obviously my whole career was steeped in technology,

And my husband's a robotics professor.

Yeah,

I was going to say,

You and your husband,

What do you guys do so people have a little bit of a background?

Well,

I founded the Webby Awards,

And then I sold them around,

I think like 14 years ago,

To start a film studio.

I make a lot of films about technology and neuroscience and creativity and social science.

My husband's a professor of robotics.

Technology the way it's always sold is it's going to make you faster,

It's going to make you more efficient,

It's going to make you more productive and more creative.

So if you apply those same words,

I truly believe after doing a true day of Shabbat for almost 12 years that you could say those same things about rest,

A true day of rest,

Because no one really does it anymore.

They're resting,

But they're posting on social media,

And they're responding to texts,

And they're.

.

.

So you're not really resting,

You're responding,

You're giving,

Just like what you were saying,

You're giving,

Giving,

Giving,

And responding.

I think it's really interesting to apply the framework for technology to this incredible ancient technology of Shabbat,

Which is that if you give yourself a true day of rest,

You will feed your soul in a whole new way.

You'll be more productive,

Creative,

Connected,

All of these things that I think most people want.

So besides the fact that you and we have experienced it and it seems to work,

Is there.

.

.

What other kinds of evidence can you share?

What other kinds of science.

.

.

I know you wrote a book about it.

What else can you share to inspire us on a deeper level for people to.

.

.

And we can talk about practical ways that people can do this.

I think it's kind of daunting and overwhelming all of a sudden 24 hours to be disconnected or something.

I know.

It's not.

.

.

We're going to.

.

.

We have fear.

There's so much.

.

.

It's a lot of fear.

It's interesting.

There's a lot of fear there.

Yeah,

But I mean,

I would love to talk about that for a second,

Because what's that about?

I think that there's nothing more valuable than understanding your inner world and understanding what you're really thinking without being influenced by the text or the tweet or the post or the news or the email.

All these things influencing your thoughts.

It's actually.

.

.

I will kind of draw upon a Buddhist expression that I love,

Which is.

.

.

That is,

When you're looking at a body of water and it's constantly reflecting light and it looks like it's sparkling and it's really beautiful,

But you can't see what's in the water.

It's only when you still the wind on the water that you see what's inside the water.

That's beautiful.

When you're constantly in response mode the way most of us are,

You'll never understand what's really going on inside of you.

All of this social media and the news and everything is designed to take your attention.

A lot of it is to respond to your amygdala,

To activate your fear,

Your sense of insecurity,

And your sense of being wanted,

Seen,

And loved,

Which everybody wants.

But it's playing with those.

It just keeps you in this kind of state,

A stimulated state of wanting more all the time.

This amazing thing happens that I feel so immediate when I turn off my screens for my Shabbat,

Because usually the guests are coming,

We've cooked a good meal,

And when the doorbell rings that's when all the screens go officially off.

But I go from a state of wanting more or wanting what I don't have to a state of being so happy with what I have right in front of me,

Because I'm not on the screen to see something or something I don't have or to stress me.

I'm suddenly moving my eyes up to what's right in front of me and I'm filled with a sense of gratitude and appreciation for what I already have instead of a state of want,

Which I think the internet and most of those tools create.

In terms of tactical science,

I mentioned interval training because we just had the Olympics and I was thinking about that a lot.

You're never going to talk to an athlete who trains every day.

It's going to overtax them.

I know as a filmmaker I'm always trying to get into the most creative state and I have a whole chapter and I've made quite a few films on the state of creativity called the default mode network where your mind is linking to get all the things that are already in there.

We are putting so much input into our brain with podcasts and books and texts and news and stuff and stuff and stuff in our brain.

You need to digest what you've received and that's where the creativity happens when your mind starts making unusual links.

That's why you have your best ideas when you're doing the dishes or going for a walk or taking a shower.

It's like the magical state of your mind to make these unusual connections where new ideas come from.

That's on a creativity level.

A connected level is that my favorite conversations are always on our Shabbat dinner where there's no phones anywhere.

People know if they're coming to our house they're not going to bring them.

I can't even describe to you what it's like to have dinner with people where the phones aren't present.

Conversations are better.

They're not interrupted.

They're not people looking down under the table.

They're just present.

Then the next day I read better.

How many of you read and you're reading your book and there's something in the book that reminds you of something on your phone and then you go on your phone and you're totally off the book.

I save things to read on Saturday that I want to read deeply and with generosity of my mind that I know what I'm really going to absorb because we're reading more than ever but we're skim reading.

I save deeper reading for Saturday.

It's a day of joy.

Since we're talking about Jewish ideas it's even like a double mitzvah to have sex on Shabbat.

It's a day of not taking away things but giving yourself back things to fully be present for good food,

Good people,

Making love,

Reading,

Napping,

Doing nothing.

Just all these things that we seem to have to because we have so many devices around us.

Well that's one of the things that intrigued me about what you share in your book Tiffany because especially in this last year and a half where the areas of our life have kind of bled into one another.

I have someone who always texts me,

It's blurs day.

There's no semblance of time anymore.

Even more so when you have a screen at your face.

How many times have you been looking at something and scrolling and reading and suddenly two hours have passed and you didn't do what you were setting out to do or now you have five minutes to do it,

That the need more than ever to stop and demarcate,

This is the time that I use to connect.

I was listening to another podcast that you did and you were saying that,

Not to steal your thunder,

But I loved what you said about how it's the fourth commandment,

The day of rest.

It's ahead of honor your mother and father,

That shall not murder,

Etc.

It's that important that it's number four on the list and yet society begs us to run constantly.

I was thinking about,

I think it was earlier this year that there was an article in the Wall Street Journal that said like Shabbat is the cure for what ails society right now and that was actually written into the birth of the United States.

Sundays I think George Washington actually got pulled over on a horse on Shabbat once because it was illegal to ride horses.

Literally everybody takes a rest,

The animals.

Doesn't matter what class you are in society,

What role you have,

There is this break and this pause.

What we learned from the wisdom of Kabbalah is that that seventh day has unique added value versus taking that text Shabbat on a Wednesday or a Sunday.

The most important thing is that you do it.

We're also saying that there is an added value to doing it on the universal day of rest because there is something for whatever reason,

And we can get into that,

Maybe David wants to talk about it,

It's really woven into the fabric of the universe,

That algorithm of six days of rat race,

One day of reflection,

Connection,

Unplugging,

Detaching from all of the attachments that we have,

Not so that I can be holy and righteous and say I do this thing and you all don't,

But more so that when I come back to the real quote unquote world,

I have so much more to give,

So much better perspective.

I'm nourished,

I am whole again,

And I can show up in the world the way that I can be proud of.

I love that.

Yeah.

I want to take.

.

.

Go ahead and tell me,

Please.

I love a lot of things you said.

I do think it's very powerful to do something on a day that everyone else is doing.

It connects you to something larger than yourself,

Which is a big component of meaning,

Getting a sense of meaning in your life.

I do talk about in the book,

Actually ironically I have some friends that are rabbis,

They're like,

I'm working always on the sha'a,

I'm like,

You can do it on Wednesday.

I do talk about in my book 24-6,

I really walk you through how to do it and how to get your friends and family and boss and yourself.

It's so easy,

But it's the growth mindset.

It's not going to be hard.

It isn't hard.

That's the thing.

I think people are like,

Oh my God,

I could never do that.

I'm like,

Why could you never do that?

Well,

No.

You said yourself that,

How am I going to get.

.

.

I think it's in the introduction even,

My teenagers,

How am I going to get my teenagers to get off their phones for a day,

Can barely get them off their phones for five minutes?

Right.

It's all a framing.

I think it.

.

.

I do talk about in the book different ways to bring it up,

So it's a success versus we're taking away screens for the day,

Everyone's going to panic.

It's not taking anything away.

It's like,

What are you giving back?

If you ask each.

.

.

If you're alone,

I give you a million reasons why it's good to do if you live on your own,

If you're with a partner.

If you're in a family,

If you ask every member of the family what do you wish we did more of or what's your favorite thing for us to do together and fill the day with that.

There's just different ways.

Again,

It's not what you're taking away.

It's what you're getting back into your life.

I think the idea of doing something that everyone else is doing is very.

.

.

Not everyone else,

But the people that practice spot,

There's something very beautiful.

I love it when I'm lighting candles on Friday night knowing that people are lighting candles all over the world to create a special boundary.

When you said Blur's Day,

Which I find that word so funny,

Every time I hear it,

I laugh.

It's such a funny word,

But I think the promise of technology,

Especially when I was first founding the Webby Awards and in the early days is,

Oh my gosh,

You can work from the beach,

You can work from your bedroom,

You can work.

.

.

Now we're realizing,

Not so great to work from the beach and work from your bedroom,

That actually there are some boundaries that are good.

Really boundaries can set you free because the fact that I know that I have this day of rest,

I race towards it and I work really hard and efficiently to take that day off and then I have this delicious,

Luxurious whole day off that's filled with all the things I love doing.

Then I feel so pumped that next day.

It's so interesting that boundaries,

Especially during this blurry pandemic period,

It was the one thing that was consistent in our family,

In our home during the pandemic is you can't cancel Shabbat.

Shabbat happens every week and we couldn't wait to turn off the screens and turn off the scary news and all the stress of it all and just be like,

What's right in front of us?

Our own thoughts,

The people we love,

Our garden,

Our dog,

Whatever it is,

You just appreciate what's really right in front of you instead of.

.

.

Your mind naturally will go to worry.

I've made a lot of films about psychology and your natural mind flow will go to worry.

I do talk about in the book also,

There's certain things I do throughout the week too.

I wake up,

I don't look at my screen and I write things I'm grateful for,

What I hope for for the day just takes me five minutes.

Basically setting the tone for each day at the beginning of the day and then ending the day the same way.

Then really ending the week,

Where marketing it with some beautiful meal and then creating a boundary around your rest.

There was an article,

I can't remember the author's name,

But talked about we have such a.

.

.

We value a work ethic and we need to value a rest ethic that when we really understand how much it brings,

We all need to value it more as a society.

The number one thing being talked about is wellbeing right now.

There's a mental health crisis,

People are so stressed out,

They're living in uncertainty.

There's always uncertainty,

But that's a whole other discussion.

Wellbeing,

How can you take care of yourself?

I'm going to quote a rabbi again because I'm on a Jewish show,

But one of my.

.

.

It's a Musar rabbi,

Israel Salantor,

Talks about this great quote,

Which is,

At first I tried to change the world and I failed.

Then I tried to change my community and I failed.

Then I tried to change my family and I failed.

Then I changed myself and I was able to change the world.

I love that because it's what you said also,

It's about taking care of yourself,

Knowing what you're thinking in your inner world,

Reconnecting with yourself,

Your family,

Whoever's in your home,

Or just yourself,

So that you can contribute more to your community,

World,

And society.

I want to take this even deeper to another level because every time we bring up topics and they're powerful on their surface.

I think a lot of the questions we get are also around the spiritual soul structure of it.

For example,

The reason why this is so powerful,

What Tiffany's sharing,

We can put in every part of life,

Is persons in a relationship.

That relationship ends and there's pain regardless of how it ended.

Why is it that people say,

Wait before you jump into another one?

In Kabbalah 1,

We say that when a challenge occurs,

A person instead of reacting to the challenge needs to pause.

Why do we say that?

Why is it that everything in life is only revealed,

Its essence,

Its power,

When you let it go?

The Kabbalah's explained that the same way if the sun is shining,

The illumination of the sun happens when the earth pushes back on the rays.

When there's a reflection,

When something is pushing something back,

It becomes revealed.

The reason why a person all of a sudden experiences joy,

Tiffany said,

There's joy.

Why is there joy all of a sudden?

Because for the whole week,

Those six days,

The mindset is how to receive.

Even if we're giving,

The truth is even if we're doing things like you could be cooking a meal for your family,

There's still a component of I'm cooking a meal for my family,

Meaning I need to receive here.

I need to take care of what's mine.

This whole thing of how to receive,

Which isn't a bad thing,

The Kabbalah's explained the soul is comprised of seven dimensions and that's why we have these seven days of the week.

Then we draw a light through those six.

The first six days,

We're actually drawing that energy down.

What happens is if you keep drawing it into the seventh,

It actually enters a black hole.

The same way that the sun,

When it's shining,

You don't see the illumination until something pushes it back.

So the Kabbalah's say that on the seventh day,

So in this case,

It just happens to be Friday night to Saturday night,

It's a whole other session.

The idea is now let go.

So it's not necessarily about rest because like you said,

Tiffany,

Some of the rabbis say they work harder on that.

If I stop working now,

My employees and all that stuff,

It's less the point.

It's more of what David is saying.

Because if I look at a list of things that I got to get done,

Maybe I got to fix this issue.

I got to talk to that person.

I got to hire this person.

I got to fire this person.

There's like a hundred to-do's that we all have.

I tell this to my students all the time.

I say,

Take all your to-do's and as Shabbat enters,

I say now,

In order to receive an answer for all of these things,

To reveal an answer,

You have to let go.

So the let go means that you have to actually push it back all the way to the Creator.

This is what reveals the Creator.

So that the next week,

You receive a divine message.

You receive wisdom about what to do and how to do it.

This is why every time we let something go,

It becomes clear.

Every time we let something go,

It starts to come to us in a more real way.

Every time we let something go,

It starts to become immortal.

The more you try to pull something in,

It starts to die and you become anxious.

All anxiety comes from not letting go.

All anger comes from not letting go.

There are people who just all the time let go,

Which is a problem because they're not drawing the energy.

They're not working.

It's kind of like,

May I ask somebody,

Oh,

Why didn't you get this done?

I say,

I let it go.

I say,

No,

No,

That's not how it works.

You need to work very hard and then when it starts to control you,

You need to let go.

You need to actually let go so that you create a space for it to be revealed.

That's that beautiful balance.

This is also why there are seven because the soul has seven dimensions,

According to the Kabbalists.

There's actually ten,

But the upper three are the light of the Creator and the lower seven is the soul of the person.

And the sixth is kind of that phase of drawing.

And then the seventh,

It needs to push back.

It's called returning light so that it reveals that which you drew.

And that's the secret of tithing.

That's the secret of pretty much when a person is broken up into a relationship,

They need to let go of constantly thinking about that person,

Let go of constantly trolling that person on social media,

Let go of comparing themselves to the person that your ex-wife or ex-husband is now married to.

Until you let go of all those things,

You can't reveal your new relationship,

Your new energy,

Your new business or whatever it might be.

That.

.

.

Mike drop.

No,

I think that's so powerful because when people say things like Tiffany's sharing,

I'm thinking,

Well,

It's so powerful.

And now that the world is starting to have more consciousness about the let go,

Because the way what's happening in the physical world is that the physical world is prompting us to be more attached to things,

Which means a person needs to have a stronger resistance as well to reveal that.

I think that's interesting because I think when we go back to the fear of why people feel like they can't turn it off.

And I think it's because they think all their power is in that phone instead of themselves.

And when I let go of,

I do these simple practices,

Which I go through in the book,

I use a Sharpie pen,

Which I love.

I'm a filmmaker and a big piece of paper.

And I write down whatever might need to happen the next day.

And we really try not to make a lot of plans on Saturday day.

But when I turn off the screen,

I'm letting go of the world for a day.

I'm letting go of all the pandemic news,

The hurricane news,

What was the election news.

And I'm just restoring myself.

And I'm also letting go of the feeling like I need to respond because everyone in my life,

And I talk about this in the book,

How to kind of set it up so people know from,

You know,

I even sometimes do,

You know,

I'm on Instagram and Twitter,

I'll even sometimes say,

Hey,

I'm going off,

See on the other side.

But it's about setting expectation of like,

I'm not going to respond right away to your text or to I'm not going to answer the phone.

I'm not going to I'm going to let go of all those sense of obligation,

Because my real obligation is to myself,

And the people in my home,

Or again,

If you live on your own,

Just to what are you really feeling thinking,

If you have so much money,

You'll never know that.

So it is I like that idea of letting go,

Letting go really to receive,

Which is,

I think,

Ultimately,

What you're talking about,

Too.

So I think the way a lot of these tools are designed,

Whether it's the news,

I mean,

The New York Times,

Everyone's let you go,

You got it.

Oh,

My God,

What's gonna happen next in this drama of the world?

And on social media,

I posted something,

I better see if someone responded or liked it,

Or I can't let go of that.

So I think it's,

It's,

It's really,

It is,

It's letting go.

It's an interesting framing.

I haven't thought about it that way.

But I like it.

So here's the thing,

Because as I hear you speak,

Tiffany,

I imagine,

Number one,

You're probably a very structured person,

You probably have discipline,

You're probably the kind of person that when she sets her mind to do something is going to do it.

So now I'm thinking,

All right,

Because when I present something to someone,

I'm thinking all the ways it could go wrong,

And all the excuses we're going to hear and all the ways that a person's negative side is going to sabotage them.

And what will happen is,

When does a person stop doing something?

So like,

I went for a run the other day after not running for a long time with my wife,

And then I'm like,

Okay,

After 10 minutes,

I'm done with this.

And then I'm thinking,

And I thought about a friend who does a marathon.

And I'm thinking,

How does she run a marathon,

And I want to be done in 10 minutes.

At the end of the day,

What pushes someone to do something as incredible as a marathon is because they believe they're going to receive something.

A person only has the strength to do something until they think they can receive something.

I played Connect Four with my four-year-old this morning,

And he was so excited to play.

But then when the game was over,

And all the pieces were on the floor,

I said,

All right,

Let's clean up.

And he looked at me like,

He got so tired all of a sudden.

He looked at me like an exhaustion face.

And I realized that we're motivated when we're going to receive.

And when we're not going to receive,

Or we don't know how we're going to receive something,

We get tired,

We get exhausted,

And we're not motivated.

So the reason why Tiffany's like,

Absolutely,

We got to do digital shabbat is because she's already trained herself through experience,

But also because she's self-motivated and she knows how to structure her life that she's going to receive.

It's a no-brainer to you that you're going to receive more than you're going to accomplish holding your phone.

However,

I have friends,

I have students,

Where I say,

Look,

I promise you,

Let go,

And you're going to receive more.

But their belief system is that is false.

If I don't answer the emails,

I will fall behind.

I'll make less.

I will have more to do on Sunday.

I won't be prepared on Monday,

Whatever it is.

We've had episodes where we've talked about how worry feels like the responsible thing to do.

If I worry,

It's because I care.

It's a belief system.

If I worry,

Then I'll probably figure it out faster.

Right.

And that same worry causes us to lose sleep,

Sheds years off of our life.

You know,

There's so many studies to prove that worrying not only doesn't put money in the bank,

It takes away from everything else in your life.

That is correct.

So,

So what's going to happen,

And I know that for me,

This Shabbat,

At some point,

I think it was like 3 p.

M.

,

I thought to myself,

Boy,

It actually would be nice to break out that phone right now and get a jumpstart on the week.

It thought entered my mind.

But what's going to make a person do it versus not?

Because you know,

People are going to hear this,

They're going to be inspired.

They'll try it once,

Maybe twice.

I think that was an impetus of writing my first book because I'm a filmmaker and I'm a filmmaker.

And that's normally the way that,

And I've made quite a few short films about the text Shabbat,

But I really felt like if I were,

So I discovered many of the things by doing it for so long.

And then of course I was really interested.

So I looked at the neuroscience and the research and the,

And I thought,

Okay,

Some people are going to just respond to this as like a soul,

You know,

Call for a response that they didn't feel,

They don't feel right.

It doesn't feel good to be this distracted all the time as a mother,

As a partner,

As anybody.

And then there's other people that are going to want to read all the science.

And that's why my book is like half and half because half of it is my own personal story with all of this.

And then a lot of it is just like hard science and research.

And I thought by writing the book,

There's some people that need to read.

Like I have a lot of people that get the book and they're like,

I want to do it,

But I don't know if my husband will do it or I don't want,

I want to do it,

But I don't know if my partner will do it.

And I'm always like,

Okay,

Read the book and then hand the book to your partner.

Because I really have found that some people are going to respond all the,

Respond to all the science that I have in it.

And some are going to respond to the personal story of wanting to be a more present mother,

Partner,

Human.

And and I do,

I do,

You know,

I think that because I founded the Webby Awards and I have a background in tech,

I'm obviously not anti-tech.

I'm not,

I love it.

I'm on social media.

I'm on Instagram.

I have a lot of fun on there too.

But I know there's a certain point where it stops being fun and starts draining my soul.

And just like you were saying about like hours go by,

I'm like,

Get,

Turn it off.

And now I have it out of the bedroom.

I don't go to sleep with it near me.

I do all these.

And I talk about that in the book too.

I have all these kind of mini interventions so that it's not tempting you because it's,

The phone is like speaking to your animal instincts.

It is,

You know,

I'm disciplined,

But I'm human.

And when that phone's there and it's so tantalizing.

So I literally,

And I talk a little bit in the book about this as well,

It's just out of sight,

Out of mind that there's something physically about putting it in a drawer,

Getting it out of your bedroom when you just like sitting there uncomfortable for a moment or bored or wanting to be numbed or entertained or stimulated.

You have to sit there and think,

Well,

Okay,

Pick up a book or I can just think about what I'm grateful for.

I can,

There's other things I can do,

But if it's just sitting there,

You're going to want to do it.

I mean,

You're going to want to be productive.

It's the same thing of like not having too many cookies in your pantry.

If you're really trying to stop eating cookies like Angela Duckworth,

Who I work with,

She's a psychologist who wrote the book grit and she had this whole thing about like,

Yeah,

If you don't keep the cookies visual in like in the pantry and it's like,

Don't put the cookie cell phone near you all the time if you want to actually think more on your own.

And that's interesting.

So thinking more on your own and valuing your own thoughts and your own inner thoughts.

But anyways,

I'm going back to,

Well,

What happens to somebody's brain?

I'm sure you studied this.

What happens to somebody's brain when they turn off their phone?

I mean,

Basically I once made this film,

Which David,

You would really enjoy if you have a four year old called Brain Power from Neurons to Networks.

And it's about the baby's brain's development from birth to five years,

Which is one of the first,

I mean,

The growth is amazing.

And then there's this pruning period,

But,

And you hear older people talk about it,

Use it or lose it or whatever you do more,

You're strengthening.

So if you are doing a lot of instant gratification and distracting this,

That's going to grow that,

Strengthen that part of your brain.

If you set time aside,

I believe one day a week to think deeply,

Read deeply,

Read deeply,

Or like focus on gratitude,

That'll strengthen your gratitude center versus like your mind naturally goes to the negative.

And if you let it,

If you don't have these tools to go,

I'm going to redirect my mind to think about something positive.

There's so many ways you can constantly be re strengthening certain parts of yourself.

Like I made this other film.

So this is very powerful.

Hold on.

This is really powerful.

You're saying the first five years,

I mean,

Obviously as soon as you said it,

Totally makes sense.

First five years,

It all depends on how we're training the brain.

So for example,

If we're teaching our kids constantly to say please and thank you,

Even though it sounds robotic sometimes,

It's training that part of the brain.

If we're,

I know,

You told me,

I'll show you some great parenting advice every time we're driving together.

And she said,

I said,

There's too many toys in the house.

Those are just toys.

Like constant,

Like what do you do with all the toys?

So what did you say?

You actually said like,

We cycle them out.

Right.

So there's like certain toys that only come in on Monday and the rest get put away.

Is that what you do?

No,

No,

No.

That if you want your kids not to get bored with their toys,

So you have like toys that you save half the toys,

Let's say whatever percentage you want and you hide them,

You put them in a box somewhere hidden.

And then two weeks later,

You take out all the toys that are out,

Put it in the box and bring out the toys that have been hidden.

So it's like having new toys all the time.

Right.

So you're training the brain in some way to not just feel,

I mean,

I guess a lot of things,

Entitlement,

What's the word I'm looking for?

Like it's just that consciousness of excess,

You're making them have appreciation for it.

Or even if,

You know,

The minute that they get bored,

You hand them an iPhone or an iPad,

They're going to think,

Oh,

I need a PC.

There you go.

That's right.

If I'm bored,

I need a phone.

I mean,

There are some,

You know,

I did this with the baby,

You know,

I did tech Shabbat and the first,

I remember the first five years it takes,

Well,

We would tag team because we also would want to get a break.

As a couple,

We would,

Um,

Have parts of our Shabbat day where one person would go on a mountain bike ride or yoga.

So the other person really got a break,

But you know,

You have to say like,

They're like,

I'm bored.

You're like,

Okay.

I mean,

I try to teach my kids that boredom is the runway to creativity.

Like I want my kids to know how to entertain themselves.

It's like,

I think that's such an important skill is to create something out of nothing.

That's creativity.

That's magic.

And I think too often we're creating dependency.

It's like a dependency on the external to foster the creativity rather than allowing it to emerge from within.

I love that.

One of the most important skills that I think,

You know,

Just took my daughter off to college with my husband last weekend,

Which is such a huge moment as a parent.

And you're like,

What are the main like things that we've taught her that she will continue doing?

And Shabbat is like,

I think one of the best tools to live a good life.

It's going to give you a break.

It's going to let you reflect,

Let you appreciate and recharge you.

And in our world,

I don't,

I don't want to live in a 24 seven world.

Why is that the goal?

Over 24 seven,

Like that's exhausting.

That's burnout.

That's a planet on fire is 24 seven.

My next call is with someone about Shmita,

Which I already helped chapter about the environment about Shabbat.

So funny.

I was just thinking about that.

Sometimes you're just thinking about Shmita,

You know,

Going into a Shmita year.

That's what we're going to talk about.

And like,

Just a translation for everybody.

Because I don't know that's not the translation issue,

Is it?

It is.

Is that the actual translation?

Okay.

I was like,

Every seven years,

You need to let the soil rest.

You cannot be growing crops in the same soil for seven.

And it's also seven.

That's another what David was talking about the seven levels.

It's always the seventh year.

Yep.

Yep.

Yep.

This is the year we're going into that.

And it's so aligned with like what we're talking about.

You cannot plant your brain with that screen seven days a week,

24 seven,

When you wake up,

If it's the first thing you see,

And it's the last thing you think before you go to bed,

It's you're over.

What's the word when you're consuming over plant?

No.

A farm work,

Yes,

They're what you're saying over till your soil over.

All the nutrients will be gone.

What they say just just you said it also with working out.

I know that if I work the same muscle every day,

I'm not allowing it to build you have to give it space to grow before you break it down again.

It's like poetry has blank space,

You have a canvas,

You know,

You need space in your life to understand what the paint is.

I mean,

By the way,

I know you don't know this,

Tiffany,

But in our classes we teach the first concept we teach level one class one is the power of pausing.

That if we don't pause,

I shouldn't say it is incentivize it by pausing,

We are choosing when we don't pause,

We are subject to some external autopilot,

Like you were saying or external forces,

Making me feel this way or that making me speak this way or that making me reactive.

I'm no longer the creator of my reality.

I let that other thing that other person that other situation be the cause of my existence.

And in that pausing,

That's to me is what the seventh level of anything is,

Is it's pausing to recharge to renew and rejuvenate whether it's the land,

My mental health,

The energy in my home,

We've been talking a lot about that.

I'm sure,

Well,

We have to wrap it up.

We have one minute,

Each one of us,

30 seconds,

What's the takeaway?

The takeaway is as difficult as we may have made it sound today,

By taking that pause,

For me one of the biggest incentives is the change that happens in my environment.

The peace and tranquility,

The reflection,

The creativity,

The choosing,

Right,

It's one of the most powerful things we can do is to choose to step away from the craziness and the inundation of information and that fast moving world and step into 24 hours of pause.

Tiffany,

What is the one takeaway you want everybody,

Our audience to have that will make their life better?

My one takeaway is to engage with this ancient,

Elegant,

Beautiful,

Powerful idea of Shabbat in a true way,

Which is a complete day of rest from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday.

I promise you there's a reason this idea has lasted forever 3000 years and it's extremely exciting once you see the power of it.

It's not hard.

I know that that's so hard to hear,

But it's the way you look at it.

But I think it can not only be the best practice that you do,

But can reset you in a way that I don't know,

There's nothing else in my life that feels that profound.

That's beautiful.

What's your 30 seconds,

David?

Final thing I'll say is just along the same vein as what you both shared,

Which is anything that you feel is controlling you and causing you anxiety,

It's actually a sign from the creator to let it go,

Even if it's for a moment,

To let it go and give it to the creator and allow that space to be created for the rejuvenation to occur.

Every time you let something go,

It rejuvenates.

That's in the same theme of everything that we're sharing here.

Thank you both.

Thank you also,

David.

For a minute,

I forgot I also have to talk,

And I love when that happens on the show.

We will see you all next week on the Weekly Energy Boost.