What's Already Free

This is an hour long satsang with Eli Jaxon-Bear where he discusses the concept of what's already free. If you're fully nourished and satisfied, then there is nothing more needed.

Transcript

You You You You Welcome.

Thank you.

Thank you for this gift of silence.

So sweet,

So nourishing.

May all beings have a full body,

Full body,

An empty mind and an open heart.

May all beings be nourished.

Silence is nourishing.

If you're fully nourished,

If you're fully satisfied,

If you've realized yourself so deeply that there's nothing more needed,

Then you are the overflowing of nourishment.

Nourishment gets passed on from heart to heart.

First fulfilled on the inside and then pouring to the outside.

And as long as you're pouring forth nourishment,

You're happy.

You're happy.

It's blissful.

It's a blissful thing to love.

But to need love or to want love or to feel deprived of love,

Love is a sufferer.

So you just tell the truth.

Are you happy?

Are you suffering?

Really?

If you're suffering,

You tell the truth.

That's somebody who needs something different.

Someone who's not fulfilled.

If there's someone not fulfilled,

Then you know there's undernourishment.

If there's undernourishment,

Love isn't flowing.

You're not happy.

You're happy.

So everyone,

We've all been conditioned to believe that the secret of happiness is to get love,

To be loved,

To be loved just as we are.

But it's not.

Because that's the position of neediness,

Position of lack.

That's not happiness.

Happiness is overflowing.

Happiness is already fulfilled.

It doesn't need love.

It already is love.

Aware of itself as love.

Love loving itself.

So blissful,

So nourishing.

So nourishing.

And your life is a life of peace and happiness.

And it naturally passes on to those who are your natural students.

And that can appear as a neighbor,

As a child,

As a parent,

As a grocer,

Whatever.

Quite naturally there are sympathetic heart connections in our relationships where people are your teachers and people are your students.

And it's all being passed on.

One way or another,

Good news and bad news.

And what we call our friends are the ones who are willing to hear our bad news and take our side.

Let us know we're right.

And that's actually mutual self-betrayal.

That's a deal that's made,

You know.

Well,

Bear listening to your endless story if you listen to mine.

Support each other and call it friendship.

Someone asked me last night what is the purpose of life.

Really the purpose of life is for you to wake up.

If you to wake up is for love to wake up.

For love to wake up to consciously know itself and love itself.

That's the purpose of life.

Then there's an awakened soul,

A free soul.

And the soul then returns to its source.

Out of the soul arises the ego with positive and negative qualities,

The past life karma,

The momentums,

The past life relationships.

It rises,

It appears in form,

We give our life to it,

We play it.

And you're tested,

Each one of us is tested.

And in this testing you either stay true to yourself or you betray yourself.

If we stay true to ourselves,

There's a deeper revelation.

If we betray ourselves we become more lost,

More agitated,

More confused,

More hurt,

More paranoid,

More cynical.

Those are all the scars of self abuse,

Self betrayal.

And the natural healing of that is the capacity to stop betraying yourself.

When you stop betraying yourself you stop following egoic ideas of yourself.

And you stay true to what's deeper,

You stay true to your heart instead of your mind.

And in this place egoic identity burns away,

All that's left is this clear conscious realization of itself.

I received an email from Jerky today from someone who somehow found my book and wanted to know what is the difference between the soul and the personality.

He suddenly realized that it's about waking up from something,

Not indulging it.

And so how incredible this is reaching to Turkey,

It's reaching to everyone around the world.

This is the moment when this spark is spreading around the world,

Spread here to you.

Possibility for freedom,

Possibility to wake up,

To realize what's already free,

To realize who you are,

What you are.

This is the moment when this spark is spreading around the world.

This is the moment when this spark is spreading around the world.

This is the moment when this spark is spreading around the world.

So sweet.

Any questions?

Is everything clear?

Seems like it is,

Yeah.

It's the blissful illusion of sitting up here and seeing the beauty,

As long as you don't open your mouth.

Just love meeting love.

Yes please.

Hi.

Well I used to think I was in my heart a lot,

And I was very,

I seemed to be very empathetic.

And then I started being more authentic,

And people are getting really annoyed with me.

Because they start to tell me their pronouncements about their negative futures and what's wrong with them.

And I'm not able to just listen.

So in a way I feel like I'm being heartless.

It seems like to be heartful to myself,

Seems like to be heartless to other people.

But I felt like I was living my mother's life.

That's right,

There is a point where you have to turn away from everything.

You have to turn away from all your relationships.

You have to.

Otherwise you've sold yourself so deeply as a child,

As a caretaker,

As a loving person.

All that implies is a whole outside world that you're taking care of.

You have to turn your back on it.

All identity.

Everything that you think is real,

You have to face to find out,

Is it real or not.

And then you have to turn away from what's not real.

And you find the truth,

You find who you are.

And there's a deep integrity.

And love.

Love works spontaneously,

In mysterious ways.

Love can slap and love can kiss.

Love can turn away,

Love can console,

Love can stay silent.

It's funny as you're talking,

It's just like there's this circle of heat in my heart.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Yes.

Heat in your heart is a fire.

So then you surrender everything to it.

Everything you consider real is fuel for the fire.

And when everything you think is real burns up,

What's left is reality.

Thank you.

Can you talk a little bit about the difference between thinking your emotions and feeling them fully?

What's your experience?

Well,

Sometimes I think that I'm,

I think I'm feeling my emotions,

But my friend Ana tells me that I'm really thinking my emotions.

That's my experience.

Yes.

And so you even said it,

Didn't you?

I think I'm feeling my emotions.

But I mean I can be really,

You know,

Like I can say what I think my emotions are and I'm.

.

.

See,

But saying what you think your emotions are is not the experience of emotion.

So what's the experience of emotion?

When there's no thoughts about it,

When there's no one to say,

Oh this is just the pure experience with no commentary.

Because as long as there's a commentator,

There's someone running a commentary,

There's someone dissociated.

Oh,

I think I'm feeling sad now.

Or,

Well this feels really hard and heavy because I'm feeling sad and that means I'm feeling sad because all of that is separate from the experience.

So if you're willing to stop the commentary,

You'll feel the feelings that are already here.

And you'll notice,

Whoa,

Enormous terror.

Huge terror.

Terror of being alive.

Terror of being in this body.

Terror of safety.

Who's in control?

Who's in charge here?

You know what I'm talking about?

Oh,

I know about control again.

So that's it.

So control is a way of trying to avoid terror.

Like it's an attempt,

If you can keep it in control,

You won't be terrified.

My bad.

First you have to know what you really want.

It's the first step.

Yes,

Please.

Hi Eli.

I just want to say I'm just feeling a wonderful joy being in your presence.

I'm very surprised I hadn't anticipated that and it feels wonderful.

I've heard you say that when the self is willing that you can't resist yourself.

And you'll come and get yourself from the other side.

And I love that and it happens to me off and on.

And I have the sense though that for so many people you experience that and then you're kind of there.

But I'm having the experience of,

Like Rumi talks about,

Spending time in mean-spirited roadhouses,

That I'm going back and forth between being in this place of self-realization and knowing.

And then it's like a battleground going on inside me.

That's right.

Then it's tested.

And I don't know what I want.

And it's tested in your particular roadhouse.

Every roadhouse has its own attraction.

I feel so clued out in this roadhouse though that you say,

Well,

You have to know what you want.

And while I'm loving the experience of feeling that I'm empty and limitless love,

There's also this,

Well,

What do I want?

I mean,

Okay,

So I'm blissed out,

Now what?

Yeah,

That's the test right there.

Now what?

It's an egoic mind re-assuming control and rolling out the new program.

That's the war for your soul.

That's right.

That's your roadhouse attraction.

So you don't.

.

.

So this is just it.

That this is my.

.

.

I need to figure out what I want.

You've already said what you wanted.

Didn't you say what you wanted?

In the very beginning,

What you want.

I think what I want is.

.

.

No,

No,

No,

Not that.

Yeah,

You're right.

Okay.

What do you want?

I do want to be in that place of love overflowing that you were talking about.

That.

.

.

To just be love.

To be love.

Very good.

To be love is no particular place.

And there's no one in any particular place.

It's simply being yourself.

And so,

A deep part of you wants to be yourself,

To be love.

And another whole conditioned part of you wants a roadhouse attraction.

And they will keep showing up as long as you're still desiring it.

And then you'll see and you'll suffer and you'll go through your battles and hells.

So are you saying at some point you're so willing?

You don't go back to the roadhouse.

Exactly.

Like anything,

You know?

When you stop anything,

Stop smoking cigarettes or stop doing cocaine or stop shooting caroling or anything that you're addicted to,

When you finally say,

Enough.

Really enough.

Forever enough.

Not,

I think it's enough,

Or it's enough for now,

Or I'll fast for a year.

Just on weekends.

Finally,

Say enough.

That's maturity.

Then,

You have so much time that you've been spending in roadhouse attractions that it's now liberated.

So much attention,

So much consciousness,

So much life force.

It's now in service of something completely fresh and unknown.

Till then,

You know,

You come back for another round,

You know.

Another spin cycle.

Hi.

I just,

I know I was really suffering,

Or I thought I was suffering.

And then I met Gangaji and had read Ramana.

And then these events started to happen when my brother died of a heroin overdose.

Before that,

My mom had passed.

And I just had this intense grief going on with that.

So,

You know,

Somehow I just,

I looked and when I could just stop running the tapes about this brother of mine and look inside,

I could see that he was still here with me,

But not as his personality,

But this that is here.

And the same way with mom and all that have come and gone here,

Or appeared here.

But it just turned me in to look at this and so I could see that what really needed to happen for me was that this idea of me that keeps showing up to look at that,

You know,

And to see,

Well,

How real is that,

You know.

And I haven't suffered since then.

You know,

So I'm really happy about that.

You know,

I'm just happy with that.

And whenever AJ shows up,

There's problems.

So I just look at that and I'm grateful that I could see that I'm not what I imagined myself to be.

You know,

And so anyway,

That's,

I just wanted to share that.

I know,

It's so beautiful.

Thank you.

I'm so glad.

And what you may find is that when AJ shows up,

It shows up as the right circumstances show up that allow a flowering of AJ.

You know,

So there has to be the right combination of emotional tone and people and circumstances that say this is the environment for it to flower.

And then when it appears,

If instead of just dismissing it or dissociating from it,

You find the undercurrent,

You find there's a deeper,

Unexperienced emotional story of this continuing identity as a somebody.

And so you allow that to come,

To be experienced,

To be welcome,

To be part of it all.

And then it's seen through even more deeply.

And then there's a deeper vastness,

A deeper establishment of peace.

And then there's more room for even a more subtle arising of AJ-ness.

And it's more quiet so you can start to notice it in even more subtle ways.

And that leads to something deeper.

I'm so glad.

It's so beautiful.

Thank you.

Yes,

Please.

Hi,

Eli.

Hi.

I don't really have a question formulated.

But when you were talking to the woman over here about the terror of being alive,

Well,

Direct experience keeps going deeper and deeper and deeper.

And what I really want is to be free of the pain and the fear that seems to limit so that I can't share an overflow.

So if what you really want is to be rid of something,

This is a big trap.

It's not direct experience.

Because to really want to be rid of fear and da-da-da,

Well,

Narcotics,

IV drips.

Rid of the limit.

That's the idea.

There is no limit.

That's believing that that's real and that creates a limit.

So it's a vicious cycle.

There is no limit because it is not real.

But because you believe you're real and you believe it's real,

You believe there's a limit.

And you believe it's real and you believe there's a limit.

There is no limit.

It doesn't matter.

Fear is no limit.

Fear is only limited if you believe it's real and you obey it.

And you say,

Oh,

I can't go there.

Be terrified.

So what?

Yeah.

But if you want fear to go away so that then you can be free,

Then fear is still in control.

Fear comes back and then you're not free anymore.

You're limited again.

So be willing to be terrified and free.

Yeah,

I have been many times in my life.

And it keeps coming back.

That's the frustrating part.

It's coming back because you're still fighting with it.

You still haven't gotten the gift of it.

I seem to get the gift of it,

But not totally.

That's how it feels.

So invite it instead of trying to get rid of it.

There's a gift for you.

No matter how it looks.

No matter how it looks.

Surrender control.

The one who's in control,

That's the problem.

That's the obscuration.

That's the limit that you're trying to get rid of.

It's the belief of someone in control.

That's the only limit.

There's no one there.

And that's such freedom.

There's no fear there.

That's right.

And even if there is,

So what?

That's very sweet.

Good.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I do feel the love welling up already.

Good.

Thank you,

Eli.

You're so welcome.

Yes,

Please.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Yes,

Please.

Hi,

Eli.

Hi.

I've been observing this process over the last few years of asking myself the question,

What do I really want?

And the answer has changed.

At first it was,

Of course,

Just blissful awakened consciousness or some fantasy that I had.

And it has,

For perhaps the last year,

The answer that has come out of my mouth has been,

I want truth.

And in seeing a Gangaji video recently,

She mentioned something about wanting truth no matter what it might mean.

And tonight there's been the realization that there has been a wanting of truth that looks like this picture.

And underneath that there's a terror that knowing the truth may be that none of this is true,

That there is no awakening,

That life is nothing but hell.

And I have been unwilling to face that possibility.

So there's been a limit that I've placed on knowing what I want.

So beautiful.

It's a maturing,

It's a deepening.

It's a mature step to move from wanting the bliss of the moment to the truth of the moment.

Whatever it may be.

That's another deepening.

It's another ripening.

That's beautiful.

And then the terror of that.

That's the test,

That's the friction.

It's where the rubber hits the road.

Yes.

That's so beautiful.

It's wonderful you can laugh at it.

I'm grateful to be able to have this insight,

To be able to see this.

Me too.

It's just a blessing of grace.

Yes.

I'm so grateful.

Thank you for bringing this.

I'm so grateful.

Thank you for bringing it to us.

You have such good news.

Thank you so much.

It's so beautiful how there's a natural deepening of ourselves.

You know,

We start out,

Okay,

What I want,

I want this blissful experience of enlightened.

And then it's sober.

Really what I want is the truth.

Blissful experience or not,

I want the truth.

And then the truth,

No matter what,

No matter what,

Even if all my cherished,

Everything is blown away.

That's freedom.

So now there's nothing left to lose.

And really when you have nothing left to lose,

You're free.

Thank you so much.

Hi.

What he just said,

It's just all of a sudden,

It's true for me.

It's just the terror,

Just all of a sudden,

It's just right here.

Yes.

But that's absolutely the same.

Yes.

I think what I have really,

I haven't really admitted,

But I think the bottom line is that I did think it was going to be bliss and this wonderful feeling,

Good,

Loving feeling.

Yes.

But I really want the truth and that just is terrifying me.

Yes.

That's so beautiful.

Yes.

So interesting because it's such a,

Maybe that's what they call a burning,

But I just feel it's so right here.

That's it,

That's the burning.

And it's the gift of Sangha.

Okay,

Here's your own heart in a form you may never have seen before,

Speaking the truth that ignites your heart.

And you go,

Oh my God,

Oh my God,

That's me.

Your number's up.

That's so beautiful.

That's an act of true courage.

See,

The thing is,

All the ego thinks is that courage means that fear goes away.

No.

Courage means you're terrified and here you are showing up anyway.

Then that's the fire and that's this heat in your heart.

That's so beautiful.

What an inspiration for all of us.

Yes,

Please.

You know,

The truth is I don't even know if I want the truth.

Well,

It's a good place to start.

Perfect beginning.

That's an honest answer.

I see myself running.

When you were responding to the concept of wanting to get rid of something and you said it,

You didn't finish the thought,

But I imagine that where you were going with that is that that's what drugs are for,

That's what booze is for.

Exactly.

Drugs,

Booze,

Television,

Sex,

Football,

Whatever it is that numbs you out,

Distracts you,

Makes it go away,

Lets you avoid it,

Changes the subject.

It's insatiable,

Endless.

It's endless and insatiable.

It's the nature of ego.

It's the nature of suffering.

It's the nature of hell.

It's the hell of hungry ghosts.

It's exhausting.

It's exhausting.

It takes your soul and your life.

I don't know how to get off that train.

I know the experience of being love and then I observe myself doing that and I feel like I'm just doing that in a manipulative way.

Just watching myself do that and think,

Oh,

Okay,

Now I'm getting it right.

But then the second I think that,

Then I'm beating myself up for witnessing.

Yeah,

More exhaustion.

Yes.

Yes,

You're discovering all the ways that it's not.

That's good.

It's important.

Important to see how you run and the consequences of running.

Important to see the fruits of running.

And then there's wisdom that grows out of it.

Next time the bait shows up,

You actually have the wisdom to go,

Oh,

I've been down that track before.

I know where it's going to lead.

I don't have to do this.

That's maturity.

And that's when the terror shows up.

Yes,

And it's terrifying.

It's terrifying,

It's painful,

It's a sense of being victimized,

Being enraged,

Hatred of yourself and hatred of the world.

Feeling imprisoned that you can't really do what you want to do.

Every trick possible to squirm back and tell.

Feed the hungry ghost one more time.

Until you have the wisdom to realize no matter what,

Not going there anymore.

Even if it's painful,

Even if sad,

Fearful,

Rageful,

Doesn't matter.

Then you're willing to meet all of it.

And it all comes.

All the hungry ghosts come to burn.

To burn in the truth of love,

In the silence,

Stillness.

Then they're liberated.

You don't have to feed them anymore.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

Hi.

Hi.

Well,

I am telling the truth no matter what.

The commitment came last summer.

And it is terrifying.

But I have discovered that when I'm in control,

All I know how to create is suffering.

When I'm not in control,

Not only does bad things not happen,

But really good things happen.

And not only inside,

But outside.

Yes.

That's the mystery.

It is really strange.

It's exactly inside out of what the ego believes is truth.

The ego feels if I'm not in control,

Bad things will happen.

If I'm in control,

I can get some comfort,

Some safety,

Some pleasure,

Some security,

Some enlightenment,

Whatever it is,

As long as I'm in control.

And it's just inside out.

As long as I'm in control,

There's suffering.

When I'm not in control,

Good things happen inside and out,

Naturally.

Goodness manifests itself.

That's the truth.

And so I wonder from the point I'm at now why I have such an attachment to the truth as I knew it with a small T for whatever.

We're attached to the truth as we know it until we see through it.

And then there's a realization of a deeper truth.

And then we become attached to that.

And then you see a deeper truth.

And I guess the odd thing is that as I make a deeper commitment to tell the truth,

I have no clue what the truth is.

That's it.

That's so beautiful.

That's right.

In the deepest commitment to tell the truth,

You have no idea what the truth is.

That's right.

Anyway,

I am really.

.

.

And in self-betrayal,

There's a certainty that everyone knows what the truth is.

I know and I am right.

And that's the certainty of knowing the truth that is the self-betrayal.

And yes,

When you're willing to tell the truth,

You don't know what the truth is and the truth reveals itself mysteriously,

Spontaneously,

Freely.

Thank you for your leadership.

So beautiful.

Thank you for your good heart.

You have a fruitful intention.

So beautiful.

It's an inspiration.

Such good news.

What if reality wants to be meat?

What if reality says,

I know what I am.

I want to be meat.

Be meat.

Experience life as meat.

And as the meat disintegrates and goes away,

I will still be.

But be all that meat is while you are meat.

Does that make sense?

Like a big barbecue?

Be all the ego.

No,

You can be the ego.

No,

But you know what I mean?

Like,

I just.

.

.

I mean,

It might sound silly,

But it's just like,

What if at the very essence you can have that dualistic purpose of like knowing that what appears and disappears is not real?

And being in touch with real as much as you can be through meditation or.

.

.

See,

This is the only problem.

It's not that.

It's actually being reality.

And when you really are reality,

Part of reality is being incarnated in a meat body.

Yeah.

I feel like I am reality,

But I am also manifest in this ego so that I want to be that too.

I want to.

.

.

Everything's included.

What?

Everything's included in totality.

Yeah.

And I think that that's a beautiful thing.

Like almost like reality can express itself through the eyes of me.

The good,

The bad,

Everything.

And so it's like I.

.

.

So I don't really have to give up.

I mean,

As long as I know.

.

.

But you can't really know unless you've already given up.

So the fact that you still have a struggle with giving up means that you know it on some conceptual level.

But I feel it.

I feel it really deep inside and yet I still slip in.

.

.

I feel like I'm.

.

.

That's right.

And you still slip in because there's still a place where you're saying,

Well,

I really don't have to let go of that.

Well,

I don't want to.

Exactly.

That's the point.

I think it's beautiful though because I feel like reality can experience life through me.

Yeah,

It does.

But this.

.

.

You've taken the truth and turned it into a rationalization for not being willing to turn away from everything.

When you're willing to turn away from everything,

What you're saying is true.

But it won't have to be defended.

And it won't be somebody who's meditating to go to a place of.

.

.

It's being yourself fully incarnate.

Yeah.

And I don't say that I have to meditate.

I'm just saying whatever gets you there.

I just feel like I'm there but I choose to be in ego too because I think that's beautiful and it's an experience of life through my ego.

Great.

So it's working.

So I have a way of telling you about it.

I don't know.

Just an idea.

I don't know.

It is working.

Great.

Mazel tov.

Thank you.

Thank you.

The mind is so slippery.

The surest answer is silence.

The more deeply silent,

The more obvious the subtle thoughts of rationalization.

Silence is the truest essence of your being.

Silence is the full totality of everything.

Silence is wisdom.

Silence is intelligent love.

Silence is your own heart.

Here now.

The mind is such a wondrous power.

It's the greatest power of the universe.

But the only power greater is the power of silence.

So be still.

Listen even more deeply to the stillness.

Let yourself surrender to listen even more deeply to silence.

And then you'll find the silence behind the silence.

The vastness beyond emptiness.

Deeper surrender.

Deeper terror at the borders and then deeper surrender.

And deeper weakness.

And then a full incarnation.

Picking up exactly where you left off.

The same tests.

But now informed by love.

Silence.

The great tendency is to come to a meeting like this,

Like going to church.

You know,

You spend a couple hours together,

You know,

You're in the.

.

.

Get to sing with the choir,

Feel the vibes,

Get a hit,

Schmooze afterwards,

And then go back to the real world.

But the opportunity is to stop right now.

Not to pick up the future.

Not to pick up the past.

The egoic story only lives from the past to the future.

It's always about what's next.

Always about what's next.

Whether it's fear,

What's next,

Or desire,

Hunger,

Anger,

Rejection,

Grasping.

It's all about what's not here in this moment.

So,

If you stop here,

End here,

Don't pick up the next thought,

Then stillness will deepen.

And the great terror will arise,

But what do I do?

What will happen?

If you don't follow that thought,

It doesn't touch you.

It's empty.

And so what?

Fear arises in silence and stillness and emptiness.

Beautiful.

It reveals a deeper emptiness,

Deeper silence.

And the whole thrust of your life is inward and down to realize the truth.

And then that expresses itself out.

And then inward and down,

Rather than back and forth,

Back and forth,

Spin,

Spin,

Spin.

It's living life right side up.

And silence is so nourishing.

I'm so grateful.

Thank you so much for being here.

Thank you,

Thank you.

May all beings have a full body,

An empty mind,

And an open heart.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Reviews

I feel like i met a long list friend

Awesome. Thank you

His voice is like a drug I don’t want to do with out 😂

Thank you. What is that beautiful cello sounding music at the beginning and end?

WoW WoW WoW thank you, I can’t believe all the insights on this app🙏🏻 it takes me to new levels every time. This is so so beautiful en deeply valuable! I heard en felt so much beauty in this masterpiece✨ it’s opening new pathways really really good.

Every time I listen to one of these it takes me deeper in understanding. Thank-you!

Listen to Silence

I love your voice and what you say. Every word!

Absolutely pitch perfect 🦋thank you