Healing Wounds and Memories

A beautiful, guided meditation led by Eli Jaxon-Bear on healing past wounds and memories.

Transcript

It can feel so good to let your body get comfortable, Relax, Settle down. It can feel so good to just let the tonality carry you effortlessly down even deeper. That's right. You can make any adjustments so that your body is comfortable, So that everything is relaxed. This is a safe moment. You don't have to do anything. You don't have to know anything. There's nothing to do. You're finally at a time where everything can rest for just a while. That's right. And at any point, You can always discover what's deeper. You can listen to my voice if it's useful, Or don't listen to it if it's not. It doesn't matter. You can trust yourself to fall in to something even deeper. That's very good. And you may not be aware of how deeply you've already been going, But you may discover a certain sensation in the soles of your feet. And that's a signal to your conscious mind that you're already deeper than you realize. And when the conscious mind realizes that, It can stop, Open, And drop down even deeper. And you may even become aware of that same sensation in the space between your feet. Is there any edge really? Is that same sensation present beyond the boundaries of what you call my feet? That's very good. And in realizing that, That can be a signal for you to stop, Relax, And drop down even deeper. And you might become aware of the body's breathing. And isn't it interesting that just becoming aware of the body's breathing, It changes? You don't have to do anything at all. And that awareness can be a signal for something deeper to open, Relax, And fall down even deeper. It can feel so good for the mind to finally open and rest, For the body to open and rest, For the emotions to open and rest. That's right. And you might become aware that as you sink in, That a wave of deep peace and deep relaxation can start from that sensation in the soles of your feet and start moving up through your body. You may become aware of feeling it in your calves and in your knees as this wave of deep peace, Deep relaxation rolls up through your thighs and into your pelvis. It can feel so good to let everything go and to feel this wave of deep peace, Deep relaxation rolling up through your belly, Up through your back, Up into your heart so that every heartbeat beats deep peace, Deep peace, Deep peace, Deep peace. And it goes out through every blood vessel to every artery, Capillary, And vein, A message of deep peace, Deep relaxation, That the whole body is filled and feels so good. It can be a signal for you to drop down to the next layer inside. And as this wave of deep peace, Deep relaxation rolls up from your chest up into your head, Can roll along your face and all the facial muscles can relax, Open. Your eyes can finally relax, Release their strain, And sink even deeper into deep relaxation. You can discover that you're so successful in relaxing your eyes. It can feel like they're glued shut. And you can test yourself now and discover you're so successful in relaxing your eyes, They feel like they're glued shut. You can test it. And then the one who's testing that can stop, Open, And fall down even deeper. That's very good, Very good. The conscious mind might be surprised that the eyes are closed so deeply. There might be a thought, Oh, I can open them if I want to. But that thought itself can sink down even deeper. And you might be aware of this wave of deep peace rolling from one side of your brain to the other, Like a big soft wave of an infinity eight, Rolling up one hemisphere and over the top of your head and down through the middle and up the other side of your brain and down through the middle, So that every part of your brain becomes soothed and relaxed with this ocean of deep peace, Deep relaxation. And as you fall deeper inside, I'd like to give you a little assistance to drop down to the next level of trance. I'd like you to imagine that you can see the Roman numeral three floating in front of you. If you can't see it, It doesn't matter. You can make believe you see it. It works just as well. So if you can see this Roman numeral three floating in front of you, It's going to take on a very special color for you, A color that resonates with your emotional body. And as this number three resonates with this color, It can saturate your emotions with this deep, Deep sense of well-being. And as this numeral three floats in front of you, It can get larger and closer and larger and closer until it enters right into your very emotional core. And this color of deep, Deep satisfaction, Nourishment moves through the emotional body into all the cells of your being, And you drop down to the next level of trance. You're doing really well, Really well. It doesn't matter. Whatever you're aware of is just right. And now you can see the Roman numeral two floating in front of you. If you can't see it, It doesn't matter. You can imagine what it would be like if you could. And this Roman numeral two has a very special color for your nervous system. It's a color that can penetrate and soothe all the nerves that have been so overstimulated, So overused, So exhausted, Can now find deep peace, Deep relaxation and nourishment in this color that's radiating from the Roman numeral two. And if you can't see it, It doesn't matter. You can make believe that it works just as well. And this Roman numeral two is not just a special color, But it has a certain tone, A certain vibration, A certain pitch that is so deeply harmonizing. It washes through your nervous system, And it gets larger and more present and closer, And washes through with its healing vibration. Because this Roman numeral two gets all the way close, Close, And then in, Penetrates to the very core of your nervous system. All your brain and your spinal cord and all of the nerve endings can drink so deeply, Can be so deeply nourished by this soothing, Healing sound and color. It's very good. Doing really well. And next is the Roman numeral one. And this Roman numeral one has a very special color that resonates with the depth of your soul. And it has a sound, A sound that's the deepest frequency that calls forth the response from the depths. And as this Roman numeral one radiates, Something deep and unknown is touched. And as that one gets larger and closer, The whole being is permeated with deep peace, Deep clarity, Deep contentment. And as that Roman numeral one enters to the very core, All the layers around, The mental, The emotional, The physical layers, All are around this core of clarity, Purity, Your own heart, Your own goodness. And the conscious mind can stop and fall in even deeper. Conscious mind can fall into a deep, Deep, Restful dream, Deep sleep. It can feel so good sometimes when you're awake and asleep at the same time and you're not sure, Am I awake or am I dreaming? And that can feel so good for the conscious mind. And as you fall in, I'd like you to begin to go backwards and down through time, Back to the earliest time of this body. And I don't know what your first memories might be, But let yourself go back to a time before you had a name, Before you knew your name, Back in the time when this vast inside was unexamined and the vast outside was unknown. And I don't know how that can feel, But you can let yourself experience it. And if you can't find a time, It doesn't matter, You can make it up. Imagine what it's like to be this tiny little infant, Not even knowing if you're chewing on your own foot or not. So small. How tiny are your feet and hands without knowing anything at all. And then the world can start to come into view and maybe you can hear someone calling your name and you didn't know it was your name before, But now you're starting to recognize all. That's me. That's my name. They're calling me. And you may not remember that time, Most people don't, But it's there. It's inside. And if you don't remember it, You can imagine that you do. A time when there's a. . . It seems like a vast fog and the fog starts lifting and you can start to see the world and you can hear your name and you realize that's me. That's very good. Doing really well. What would it be like if you could recall those first steps? You couldn't yet balance, Someone has to hold you, But one little foot goes in front of another as you start learning how to walk upright. Wow. How powerful that is. And as you're learning to walk upright, Maybe for a moment you can glance down and look at your little foot and be surprised at how small it is. And if you're wearing something on it, You might notice those little bitty. . . Whatever it is that's on your feet. That's very good. Doing really well. And at a certain point, As you grow older, An awareness comes in. This is me. This is my body. These are my parents. And with that awareness, Something starts to grow inside. That's right. Doing really well. And as you get older and you can start to speak, Do you remember that time when you could understand language but not yet speak it? It's there. It's there. If you can't remember it, You can imagine that time when you could hear them speaking and understand it. But you can't yet speak. You can't yet formulate the words. That's very good. Doing really well. It doesn't matter if you follow me or not. It doesn't matter if you follow my voice or not. You can trust yourself. And you can make it up. You can imagine what this would be like, To grow up into your body, To have your life. And at a certain point, The first piercing happens. The first pain, The first fear, The first anger, The first hurt. And I don't know if you remember it now or not, But you can put yourself back to see what you were seeing, To hear what you were hearing, To feel what you were feeling that time when you were little and something shattered your world. You were hurt. You were abandoned. You were angry. You were lost. Something happened. And you felt this anguish inside, This pain of being alive. That's very good. Doing really well. And maybe you can remember as you get older how you dealt with it, The strategies you used to either avoid it or act it out, To protect yourself, To give yourself a defense, To give yourself a shield, To give yourself a mask, To try to protect yourself from this wounding that's deep inside. That's very good. Doing really well. And at a certain stage, There's another wounding, Another slap from the world, Another crushing blow. It seems to be unbearable, Terrifying, Heartbreaking, Enraging, Whatever it is for you, This blow that seems like you'll never recover. Could be your first love turning you down or it could be your father beating you or it could be anything at all. But something inside is wounded. And you can notice how you develop a way of protecting that wound, A way of trying to make sure it doesn't happen again. And notice, Become aware of the strategies, The behaviors, The attitudes that you adopted to protect yourself, To put on a mask, To put on a role. That's very good. Doing really well. This became the start of your spiritual search. This is what drove you to find truth, To find peace, To find what's real. Maybe at some point you saw the lie. You saw that everybody was lying. They were all faking it. Maybe you saw through that, But you didn't know what to do. So you've developed a strategy to survive. It's really good. You're doing really well. And you can start to see how the role of your life has been rolling from then until now. How the body, The emotions, The thoughts have all revolved around these central core issues that brought you to search, That brought you to leave the ordinary world, To find something deeper. That's very good. You're doing really well. And now, If you can actually call forth and embrace the wounding, To actually meet it right now, To meet all the woundings of your life, The pain, The loss, The failures, The cruelty, To bring it forth to be met. And in meeting it, To embrace it and take it even deeper. That the woundings themselves get to come home, Get to be resolved, Get to be nourished in the nectar of love as you fall back into yourself, Into a deeper, Unknown place. And then all of your life, From that first birth, All the way through to this moment comes to sink in to the nourishment, To the joy that's alive and that's always been alive in the core of your being, Under the hurts, Under the pain, Under the loss, Under all the masks and lies and woundings. This deep, Deep bliss of your own love, This calling, And if you fall into it now, It's a nectar. It's a nectar of your own soul. That's very good. If you're not aware of it, It doesn't matter. You can make believe what would it be like if what he's saying is true and just make believe it's true for you. Since it is true, It doesn't matter if you believe it or not. It doesn't matter if you imagine it or not. You can still find it. You can find your own true nature in this moment and sink in even deeper. That's very good. Very good. You might discover there's a very vulnerable, Open tenderness, Like the freshness of a new baby that has no defense. That freshness is here now. That tender openness is here now. You can make believe you are that tender, Fresh openness. You can sink into yourself, Discovering the deep joy that's underlying everything. That's very good. You can pour yourself into yourself by pouring a vessel of milk into a vessel of milk, A vessel of nectar into a vessel of nectar, A vessel of emptiness into a vessel of emptiness. As you pour yourself into yourself, All boundaries dissolve. Let all the edges disappear for just a moment. No inside, No outside. That's the pure nectar of your own being. That's very good. Regardless of what the conscious mind may think or do, This is already working on a deeper level. You're already being nourished by this deep, Unfathomable richness of your own nature. Can you allow it? Can you give permission? Can you fall in even deeper? That's right. Doing beautifully. And you might discover this is going to be working in you, Moving you in mysterious ways that your conscious mind can't understand. The certain tenderness, A certain openness, A certain sweetness with yourself, A gentleness with yourself that you hadn't realized before. That's very good. Doing really well. All states change. All states come and go. But what you've tasted here is beyond the state. So is it possible that even when the state changes, You leave your attention withdrawn into the depths of yourself? You might discover it. How easy and simple it is, Regardless of the body's activities, Regardless of the conscious mind's activities, Something deeper and truer is at work here. And so in your own time and in your own way, Body awareness will return. But your mind can stay absorbed even as body awareness comes back, As it naturally does. And you become aware of the appearance of being in a body, Or the appearance of a body being in you, It doesn't matter. And all of the body sensations, Hands and feet, Breathing, All return in their own natural way. And I'd encourage you to stay quiet this evening. Don't leave yourself for just a while. No conversations. Nothing to do. Give yourself some rest and some time alone. And we'll meet back here tomorrow morning at ten. Thank you.

Reviews

I know of no other. Stay with this holy one and be free.

Loved this session. The way you talked right to me. Beautiful message. Thank you.

Unexpected grief came pouring out during in utero, birth and toddler experience. I knew there was trauma, but this was profoundly clarifying as to later wounding. Thank you..Many blessings..

That was sublime ✨

Thank you. Very powerful remembering 🧸